Am I to Blame for His Depression?

[@deborahbrown555]

I just have to say I love the backpack bricks analogy. When my daughter was in third grade she was trying to get her backpack on one morning with no success. I went to help her and it weighed so much! I looked in and saw rocks. I dumped the bag out and when she left I counted over 200 rocks. Some little some not so little. Point being sometimes it’s not a brick but a ton of little rocks but added up it equals a brick.

[@ScarletPattieLayla]

Hey deborah

[@JennieC21]

It’s my new favourite analogy! It’s so true and I have set down the ‘backpack’ I was carrying and I have used the analogy in many a conversation since with people, in the hopes they will set theirs down too. It’s a powerful thing!

[@christinetilton4562]

In my experience dealing with people with mental illness is so challenging. I find the mental illness protects itself at all cost. The afflicted do not have any insight into their own behaviors and have a tendency to make others responsible for their own issues.

[@PeteO5D]

Man this resonates

[@Yologism]

100% Studies show that carers are more likely than non carers to experience poor mental health as a result of supporting someone else with poor mental health. Ill ppl can make others ill. Just like, miserable ppl can make other ppl miserable as misery loves company.

[@BFku36]

That's a cold, hard FACT unfortunately.

[@amongstthepigeons1020]

This woman had to stop pursuing everything that could have been about making herself happy to fully invest in someone who never fully invested in her to be blamed for his bottomless unhappiness. I hope that she gets to have the life of her dreams.

[@Cougar4u]

Your comment completely summarized my marriage.

[@coralcluster]

As soon as I heard military I just knew. As a veteran, when you leave the military it can be crushing. He hasn’t allowed himself to mourn what could have been/would have been. The military is lifestyle and the loss if it sucks. It can make all ready existent depression far worse. You are not responsible. I was in his shoes once upon a time….it still creeps in. But he needs to take charge and take control of his own recovery. Nothing will change until he owns HIS emotions and HIS recovery and he stops blaming things on other people.

[@ScarletPattieLayla]

Hey what's up

[@trish-f5t]

Wise words.

[@xavier7666]

Dad: I let my daughter down Disturbed: “OWA-A-A-AH!!”

[@themmorganmm]

My dad be like:

[@AutumnOue]

I feel for Jane. If she ever needs another friend to talk to, I live 10 minutes from Baltimore!

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

❤

[@elizabethlyon2950]

Jane, you are brave. I am also trying to put that brick down. 1 day at a time. We have to show ourselves compassion.

[@LyYAHN]

I have nothing but the utmost respect for the 2nd caller, Brandon. It's hard to be so honest with yourself, let alone with anyone else... saying those things out loud was only the tip of the iceberg. There aren't that many men that are capable, willing, and mature enough to even go this deep and feel their own emotions the way Brandon did. Especially at his still rather young age. I applaud him. So many fathers don't even think twice about the relationships they have with their kids... girls especially. I know I would've needed a father in my life with that much insight. I think he's going to do exceptionally well as a dad and husband. These three girls/women can be very happy to have him in their lives. Nobody is perfect, but he TRIES! He must've sat with himself in silence... for many hours, just thinking about the kind of father he wants to be and his daughters deserve to have. It must've been uncomfortable, embarrassing, and very painful to admit to his shortcomings and wrongdoings. Again, I applaud you, Brandon! Keep it up! You are the first man your daughters love and feel loved by. They are going to pick future partners according to what they think love is, which is all based on how you treat them. A huge portion of their self-worth will be directly linked to how much worth they feel coming from you. 🙏🏻

[@ghostophelia2245]

Whats with all the comments of men hating on john and the first caller? I really just dont understand it. He didnt coddle her or tell her she was in the right, he told her that she needs to move on and keep moving forward from her past. He could tell that she was hurting and knew that she beat herself up enough. There was Nothing to fix, shes already divorced. She knew she was petty and contributed to the break up. She needed to hear that she wasnt responsibile anymore for her ex. Just the same as he did for the caller with the dad. The past is in the past. At first, he was upset because he thought hed abandoned her as a baby, but once he talked about it, he realized it was something else and whats done is done, move forward and love your daughter.

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

A lot of incels and red pillers follow this channel and are the first to jump into the comments whining about "feemaless!" no matter what.

[@samuelpayne5460]

It’s because he gave her a pass on her bad behavior. She learned how to be a terrible wife from her mother, and she was a terrible wife to her husband. Then instead of him telling her that she needs to learn how to give in relationships, he advised her to go hang out with other people for the purpose of them filling her up. It’s incredible how much he coddled her instead of telling her the cold hard truth. The truth is that she wrecked her marriage by “getting attention by means of starting fights” and she’s going to do it again. The truth is that she is horrible with money, but she’ll get by bc other people will bail her out. The truth is that “he never listens to me” is code for he doesn’t do what I want him to. John didn’t help her, he merely perpetuated her problematic lifestyle.

[@ghostophelia2245]

@samuelpayne5460 well, they're divorced and she's clearly very alone and depressed. He advised that she spend time with friends and get help to be a better person. There's no relationship advice, because she isn't in a relationship. She already knows that she fd up. There's no point in berating her. If she were still married, he probably would. I've seen it. He isn't a misandronist like many of the comments suggest

[@RiverWoods111]

@@samuelpayne5460 First of all, she is not responsible for his mental health. Second of all, someone who resorts to getting mad to get attention is what normally happens when the other person is checked out of the marriage already. His blaming her is his not taking responsibility for his mental health and healing. He is playing the blame game. Maybe you should get some education in manipulation. Manipulation is blaming someone else for where you are. Their marriage was completely over and he was gone before she started getting upset to get his attention. He was already out the door. She had nothing to do with the demise of her marriage, it was already done and over.

[@samuelpayne5460]

@@RiverWoods111incredible! She treated him like garbage, he withdrew, she pitched a fit and treated him horribly, he pulled back even further because of her verbal and emotional abuse, he finally has the courage to call her out as the aggressor (which she was and will continue to be), and somehow you (and John) still won’t call her out on her bad behavior. People like you just can’t see cause and effect when you’re the cause.

[@eileenfuentes6975]

I liked this video and it hasn't even premiered. I just got his book. I'm in the most blindsided and devastating situation in my life at 41 and i have to say that his validation and empathy towards all these people calling in, all different situations lifts me up. It's nice to imagine that he would say these words of comfort and validating me as a soon-to-be divorced mom of 3 young kids (didn't see it coming after being married 18 years) makes me be able to take a deep breath of relief. Most days i am screaming on the inside feeling the physical and emotional symptoms of this anxiety, hoping my body is able to do 1 full DEEP breath and exhale and being told by another male that everything will be ok, I'm just saying this show reminds me that there are men out there that do have a heart. A genuine one. It's so hard but I'm handling this well overall but just tired of living in spirals of grief, anger and sadness with many moments of "God will provide. " I've been thinking of calling into the show but i wouldn't know where to begin. 😂 I'm actually taking some time for myself, parked in my car with his book in my lap. Listening to your show reminds me that there are men out there who do have empathy and can validate others with such a big heart and a sense of humor. I usually don't leave comments but Dr. John Delony- you have helped me so much. You give me hope. It's like you are the male version of me and i wish you could sign my book and let me give you a big hug for making a difference in my life, next to God, my amazing mom and my 3 beautiful very young kids. Your show IS THE BEST! DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF DR. JOHN DELONY! 🎉🎉

[@AnFal-9722]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@sarahalderman3126]

I was there, in that same place just a few years ago🤗❤

[@yesterdayseyes]

You're really old to be looking for validation, grow up, your kids need you to be an adult

[@blueseptember2174]

Same situation ❤

[@marymorris6897]

Dear Eileen, I'm so sorry. I pray you will receive the help you need when you need it. God is close to those whose hearts are breaking, that I know from my own really crummy life experiences.

[@brooke9847]

Good on Brandon for trying to improve his relationship with his daughter. A good relationship with their father is so important to a young girl's development.

[@SerErryk]

Let's Go Brandon! 😊

[@TheWackler]

"you've been lonely a long time haven't you" yes that hit home cause when it's that point you're both always hurting lots. Cause you want the one you love but you learn to hate them to get attention!

[@FateOfTheElephant]

What I have come to realise in relationships is that the right person will make you better and the wrong person will deteriorate you - emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically - in all ways. If someone is blaming you for their deterioration/depression let them go, they haven't found a way to verbalise that they don't think you are the one, in fact, they may not even know that you aren't the one, but this anxiety, this deterioration, is in fact an intuitive sign that this situation is not right for them. This is not to say it's your fault or that you did anything to them, it just wasn't meant to be and it's ok. For your own well-being accept their remarks, but don't internalise them, and let go.

[@kathycannon4805]

Very early childhood trauma changes your body neurologically. EMDR can help sometimes, but recognition that there was trauma that you can’t remember can allow you to concentrate on gaining skills to manage the body you have.

[@MonMothball]

Lol the guitar riffs in that guy's call lol

[@Petals.and.Thornss]

My headphones were in and all the way up because it's normally pretty quiet and rjen all of a sudden I was deaf haha

[@coralBlue]

I thought it was a bit off :p like someone added it just to try something

[@cashway0420]

that was Kelly playing those riffs in the background

[@janiceplowman5528]

When that shame hits, I say Thank you Lord that I am not that person anymore

[@thejakelegion]

Today is day 4 of not being that person anymore. The shame is still so strong.

[@janiceplowman5528]

@@thejakelegion Congratulations on day 4. Take it one day at a time! I am congratulating you in advance because I know tomorrow will be day 5!

[@janiceplowman5528]

@@thejakelegion One more thing is shame condemns you that you are no good. Instead use it as a resolve to continue to not be that person.

[@thejakelegion]

@@janiceplowman5528 Thank you! I will. I finally have a clean conscience. No more lies. Tomorrow is day 5. Soon it will be 5000. God bless you!

[@Rebellious_Flower]

Self forgiveness... self grace... Out of all the ways I've tried to stop feeling my waves, why did I not realize, I had to cut the ratsnest and decide to give myself grace. THANK YOU!! I've always been a "quick forgive" to my loved ones, why did I not realize THAT was what I needed for myself 🤯🤯🤯🤯

[@AlexandraVioletta]

4:55 this hit home.

[@thenewmexicantexan]

The ford truck commercial music was misplaced during the dads call 😂

[@dianemorton2222]

A bad relationship can make you depressed. Depression is caused by several things. It can be temporary. Situational. 😊

[@kristinaherrejon7181]

Why was rock music playing in the middle of that serious conversation with that father. That was ridiculous.

[@nini55077]

As someone who works in this type of industry, sometimes equipment has problems and things happen. I'm 100% sure it was some thing they were trying to fix

[@troyspears6470]

That’s the producers telling Dr John the calls over we need to send it to commercial lol

[@AndiAlexander1]

These episodes are pre-recorded. No excuse for that kind of mistake.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@AndiAlexander1Yes, there is an excuse for this. The editing is done after the episode is recorded and it was obviously an editing mistake. They don’t add the music in the show until AFTER the show is fully recorded. You can tell because Dr. John didn’t even flinch. If the music had come on in the studio he would have at least looked up or acknowledged the music and he didn’t.

[@alleykeosheyan4779]

A production assistant probably got a chewing out afterward.

[@taraandie6704]

To the young father who had his first daughter at 18 and is trying to forgive himself for being absent, forgive yourself, the fact that you called a public show and talked about this is growth. I had an absent father after i turned 16 he and i didnt talk much, he passed away 2 weeks ago unexpectedly. Forgive yourself and do what dr. John said to do. She and you will have a good healthy relationship

[@SmilingCherryBlossoms-so2tn]

The kids are too old they can talk to him without you, my ex was so verbally abusive that l just let my kids deal with him , l will only talk to him if he has something positive to talk about l refused to let him abused me no longer my positions to make him happy girl get a life stop dealing with him, my ex went through 2 divorces now he is old all alone l found the love of my life over 10 yrs ago good luck girl

[@ajones8008]

@3:46 what John says here says a lot about the job and responsibility of military personal. Keeping the county safe comes with the devastating cost of the mental health of the people who do it....

[@anncassidy3705]

💯

[@sanamo86]

Keeping country safe??

[@beastshawnee]

Most of the secrets are who the brass is doing. That and technology they pretend they don’t have yet.

[@ajones8008]

@@sanamo86 or terrorizing other countries.

[@AlexandraVioletta]

@sanamo86 Yes. Bc if you had no military complex, everyone could invade your country and claim land.

[@AlexandraVioletta]

Fr, this woman is telling my story with a few small changes.

[@freyjastravelchariot3343]

From someone who used to live in MD for 35 years... it is VERY difficult to get your friends to pinned down because the whole state is a giant rat race (really most of the tri-state area)... I moved to the Midwest and things slowed down and I was able to breathe.

[@bohnulus]

Beautiful advice Jon ….. I’m taking it brother

[@lilibethvilella]

Fascinated with why we over stay relationships. I’m living my best life post divorce. Published a book on finding true WHOLENESS after divorce called “THE SUN ALWAYS PIERCES THROUGH” 🌧️ ☀️

[@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish]

Good for you, but that doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

[@bufficliff8978]

Because quitting prematurely is a character weakness; there's genuine affection for the other person; common history; hope

[@GracetheWestie]

I love the advice you gave to the dad of an 8 year old.

[@babsk4071]

SENDING LOVE JANE❤☕️👋

[@bffoxjr]

What is up with the bumper music playing during call 2?

[@alleykeosheyan4779]

Sounds like a mistake, someone in the control booth pushed the wrong button.

[@bffoxjr]

@@alleykeosheyan4779 these episodes are pre-recorded two weeks in advance. Dunno why that couldn't be rectified.

[@RiverWoods111]

@@bffoxjr It was an editor's mistake because Deloney didn't even hear or notice it. I am sure someone didn't do the rewatch to make sure it was all correct.

[@bffoxjr]

@@RiverWoods111 it's definitely obvious he didn't hear it. I just think it defeats the purpose of recording them in advance.

[@lilongge1304]

Someone was a little too excited about the three day weekend 😄😁

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

The BetterHelp ad at the end 😂😭

[@jeaniedelaney4711]

Umm…I mean this kindly, but what’s with the random music playing right when they’re talking at about minute 27? Also, this just might be my favorite episode of this show so far. I love all of the tips on how to build his relationship with his daughter. I am going to start using the “yes” idea and the “I love you note” idea with my son.

[@anniec642]

The music threw me offfffffff, i went from sobbing to jammin and back to sobbing like........waaat........🤦‍♀️🥴

[@srs1984]

"Your quasi oppressive boss, (whispers) like Kelly." 😅

[@sXePunkV2]

Why are the incels all over this shows comments. I dont get it.

[@AlexandraVioletta]

Don't call inter humans names like this. Please. Not in this comment section. Dr. John wants to help people and we should not make fun of lonely guys. Be better 😉😁

[@Alltagundso]

​@@AlexandraVioletta The term "Incel" nowadays refers to the subculture of incels and no longer to lonely people.

[@fraschy7695]

I feel so sick right now but WOW when that rock music went off that was so hilariously inappropriate. And then it happens AGAIN LMAO

[@julienawrocki655]

Kindness means to defuse 😊

[@shadankananm]

How May I contact you I really need help

[@manylaughs9002]

Well yeah, John, you had your daughter at an older age than the caller. You knew what was more important. He was scared! Still sucks he chose that route, but don’t compare!

[@evachalupa6459]

I think it was meant the other way round. Like "I was older but YET STILL I made the same mistake"

[@jaredreigel3215]

Why is it so hard to find affordable mental health care

[@brendapeterson2576]

Whisper "hi kelly" 😂

[@ScarletPattieLayla]

Hi brenda

[@SmilingCherryBlossoms-so2tn]

When l was married to my ex l did everything he wanted sex food quiet l have good job pay all the bills he works when he feels like it l think the longest he stays at a job is one month yet he was not happy then he started cheating, and he moved out , l did not care he thought l will cry over him he married twice all end in divorce then he wanted to come back l said absolutely NO l have been married to a great man over 10 yrs

[@hoosier-daddy777]

I’m impressed that you managed to make that 1 sentence 😂

[@wheatonmommy]

I see this a lot. Why do people present important, written thoughts without punctuation or sentence structure? Doing so makes it difficult for readers to understand the message.

[@coralBlue]

Saffron tastes good why not just add it to what you eat

[@amybanack6550]

I say she is the problem. If her safety was truly a concern imo she would’ve gone home to pack bags and leave. I feel like she took a situation where a quick stop the car and get out and cool off and postpone the conversation would’ve been a better approach then 5 miles in the cold. 🥶

[@helenellsworth9556]

Some of these comments are disgusting

[@BREEZYM6015]

I probably need depression medication.

[@jb5313]

I would love to hear the husband's side!! Bet you will have a different perspective.

[@anneflynn9614]

There are two sides to every story.

[@Molbokei]

​@@anneflynn9614 yes. And sometimes, both sides are "one person here has f-ed all up". For ages I was on the " Both sides" camp, turns out.... What was destroying us had nothing to do with me.

[@HeavyMetalMonkey]

You guys need a better editing team holy cow.

[@burly636]

We need to hear both sides of the stories. As a woman, I can relate to her loneliness., but what is her husband side?

[@beastshawnee]

that it’s her fault…

[@RiverWoods111]

Her husband's side doesn't matter, he is an ex-husband who plays the manipulative blame game and doesn't take responsibility for his own well-being. He will never heal till he stops blaming others. He probably tells the kids it is their fault too. They aren't married anymore, he has nothing to do with her current story or her healing other than he needs to stop blaming her.

[@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish]

​@@RiverWoods111 but what if she left things out? It doesn't have to be intentional either, it could be something that she thought wasn't all that important to mention, but mattered to the guy a lot. That's why we hear both sides.

[@sigridmather3828]

I'm amazed John would recommend Happy Drops. He struggles so with sugar, as do I. The first two ingredients in Happy Drops are sugar. LOTS of sugar. How in the world could that be good for us, as he advertises. That he could sell out for financial support is so disappointing.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Where did you get LOTS of sugar. I just looked and there’s 3 grams. John would consume WAY more eating his gummy candies that he’s addicted to?

[@BubbaSnipe03]

Or just take some good sugar high gummies

[@luckeytexans7287]

Got a good laugh at his gummy commercial.

[@BubbaSnipe03]

@@luckeytexans7287 I was like really 😂 get something that is good and isn’t government made like the soul gummies no telling what are in them if they are legal

[@lh1514]

She could easily be contributing to the issue. Shes not fully to blame. She could be making it worse though. They need to get him on the phone too. She sounds a bit off emotionally.

[@lithopheliax61x5]

well, sounds like he did not make her happy and her life easier, either. As consequence, they are separated. It does not make sense to tell someone that they are responsible fore making your depression worse, that is just a low blow and at best not reflected on. or he wanted her to suffer. anyway, not her weight to carry, not anymore...

[@Nomoreanons]

The rock music interrupting the show is awful!

[@gretchenlawrence4779]

Why are you so mean to Kelly 😂😂

[@hadasitalki7247]

❤

[@tpot91]

Man: " I have a problem" John" quit being a little B. If I was there with you right now I'd pummel you." Woman: "I have a problem" John "awe man I hate that for you, if I was there I'd hug you right now." 😂

[@blueseptember2174]

This comment is delusional

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Dude we literally just saw Dr. John be the most compassionate, and empathetic to two men just on this show so what the heck are you on about? This comment literally holds NO TRUTH WHATSOEVER! 🙄

[@ghostophelia2245]

I keep seeing comments similar to this, and have never seen John act this way, only when someone is abusive does he say he's angry. 🤔 to me, only someone who's abusive would have this mentality about john

[@tessg4799]

I'm a woman and this 💯 accurate.

[@k.l.massie8702]

Messed up comment not based on reality.

[@Hokieredneck]

That first caller, Jane, was 80% of the problem. She admitted she gets angry and is probably argumentative. She also probably doesn't stop talking. When her poor ex got home from his tours, all he wanted was peace and quiet. She gave him the exact opposite.

[@susieare]

You're probably onto something, but that behaviour likely came from some unmet needs of hers. Stuff that needed resolving. Perhaps she has an anxious attachment style which explains her behaviour. I think she said enough to show she knows it's not all her husband's fault, but a man like that can be difficult to live with because it's often their way or nothing.... a mess. I wish them both healing. That's what the call is really about. Her healing, which she deserves as much as the next flawed person.

[@lucindastigall1636]

You can't get enough information on a fifteen minute phone call. Sorry.

[@mrs.hairston6002]

Would be a nice podcast but your a sellout. It's a bit annoying to outside people to spend money on products when your supposed to be here talking to people and helping them thru their sad times instead your pushing products for companys. Just let people decide when they want something. Your add should be at the baaaaaaaaccccckkkk of your videos

[@phathomholt8450]

Not trying to be negative but your intro (punching air and kicking) is definitely cringe.

[@eileenfuentes6975]

And here you are... your opinion though.

[@PediheartNP]

I love the intro.. Dr. John seems to be displaying an honest portrayal of the wacky playful man that he is! I suspect he does martial arts classes of some kind , which is an excellent form of aerobic exercise & definitely good for the body, mind and soul!! Keep being YOU JD!!

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

I love that about him!

[@strangeaslife]

I wish people would stop saying cringe. This trendy word needs to go away already. Ok so you don't like the intro. Cool dude. Move along. Why are we putting a stamp on everything we encounter in thr world? The internet has made everyone feel like every thought that crossed their mind is worthy of acknowledgment by the rest of the world. Sorry to sound off but I'm so sick of seeing comments like this. Have a nice day

[@aydawnn]

he's just being himself lol

[@brandonedmonds4041]

Third caller:Christ Jesus can set you free from depression,ask Him in faith

[@stephengallagher2209]

John automatically takes the woman's side, with zero knowledge. Badgers her to say her depressive husband were lying saying she made him need to up his meds. She could have been being mentally/verbally abusive, unfaithful, violent... he assumes not, and backs her up. She might be a gem or a monster. He has no idea. But he wants to sell books by flirting and comforting unhappy women. He is a creep.

[@wildbill9681]

why act all coy and pretend that you’re being sincere and not trolling

[@robinfloyd3102]

Harsh

[@sarahalderman3126]

Uh do you just read the titles and then make things up? 😂 I mean honestly... it is difficult to comprehend why this sentiment is repeated so often here. The woman is divorced and her question was about whether or not SHE was responsible for her EX husband's depression. Given that context John's response was entirely appropriate. No one is EVER responsible for another person's feelings. Furthermore they are divorced, the relationship is over, so nothing to work on.

[@lot2196]

Agree. She left her husband when he was sick. Disgusting.

[@PediheartNP]

Wow.. someone needs to start reading some Dr. Deloney books Stephen G!!! Good Lord, your negativity is palpable. Don’t be a hater, Dr. John is an example of a real life good Christian man. Not perfect like all of us!!!

[@jameswhite8365]

First caller gave up on her husband when he needed it the most.

[@beastshawnee]

bs.

[@stephengallagher2209]

So, John takes the woman's side with zero info, flirts with her, then encourages her to have an affair. Great work, as ever, J.D..

[@doug6191]

A litany of assumptions at 6:00 to put the responsibility on the husband. Then, she says at 6:52 that she got angry to get attention. 😒 Nah... It's not solely the husband's fault, but John made her feel like she's innocent. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

[@kyrios_studios]

I think she said she was divorced

[@troyspears6470]

I just listened and he never once tells her to have an affair. Quit making stuff up

[@jimnoel3025]

She is divorced. Did you even listen???

[@sarahalderman3126]

So you missed the call then...🫠

[@NunyaBitness-xq9ed]

The first callers ex-husband needs to get DNA tests on his kids. Military wives are notorious for cheating. I’m not saying she did that. I’m just saying…

[@sarahalderman3126]

True. Though I'd say it is FAR more common for the military husband's than their wives.😂

[@bezaubertvonbill]

You're just a misogynist

[@crysb9658]

You forgot to mention Military men are notorious for cheating.

[@marilynm7533]

Toxic response

[@sameerajafri747]

Just cause you're a 403 doesn't mean everyone is 😂