My Ex-Wife Continues to Make Our Lives Miserable

[@Snoops510]

This is so dysfunctional. When my daughter's ex-husband first pulled up with a girlfriend to pick up his son, my daughter went right out to the car and introduced herself, and they chatted a bit. Fast forward 20 years later. The two have become best friends and own a business together. She's the best stepmother that my daughter and her son could have wanted. We are all part of each others' lives, grandparents on all sides as well. All of the children from both remarriages feel that they are related. It's a great example.

[@overcomerbtboj]

If only more people would see it that way- that’s the way it should be- its possible to move on and live a fulfilling life with someone else and still co parent with all the adults thinking of the children first

[@melonioilar8569]

This warms my heart ❤️ because it immediately makes me realize all the extra love and support and family unity is giving the children in your family more love than the normal 2 parent 4 grandparents family! It’s possible to get to that point in having a mature meaningful relationship with the other adults and the children get to see how well every single person is acting in their family-maybe the children will learn well from this experience! Kudos to you and your family for putting the children first! ❤

[@twilson355]

@@Snoops510 This is so rare and I wish this were everyone's situations. It sounds like your daughter was and is emotionally mature and doesn't view her children as property. Some parents also forget when they sign on the dotted divorce papers, your ex is now likely to remarry....duh! If you don't want your kids being raised by someone else then maybe don't get divorced?

[@Snoops510]

@@twilson355 - Both women are extremely mature and love theirs, and each others,' kids. People are at first surprised when they learn of their relation to one another.

[@twilson355]

@@Snoops510 they should teach a class on how to co parent. 👍🏼

[@arbonneladyTN]

My hubby’s ex was divorced from my husband long before we even met!! That women was a real pain for almost 20 of our married years! Finally I made a visit to her husband and presented him the emails in which she was trying to get back with my husband….. funny, all the hassle finally stopped!

[@nikkita1688]

Wow. She was a real mastermind 😂

[@miketheyunggod2534]

Your fault . Never marry more than once. It’s your drama all on you .

[@cantstandcamilla]

@@miketheyunggod2534 100% correct. Divorced for over 30 years, and I will not even consider another marriage.

[@parkwood6334]

This first caller has to expect his kids to have a relationship with his new wife.

[@Tradwifeintinyhouse]

​@miketheyunggod2534 save the self righteousness for yourself reflecting morning pep talks!

[@lyzziez]

I just wanted to scream to the first guy “SPIT IT OUT!!”

[@kellibuzzard9431]

Same. lol So inarticulate.

[@Jaiem_]

Thankfully John has respect and patience to listen to those who are not articulate enough for you. People get nervous, be kind.

[@allisonthorn5694]

Right!

[@vickimerritt2832]

​@@zachwarren280and all of those men say are "what about me?"

[@jackwatt8988]

@@zachwarren280 DOI?

[@David-wo9un]

Wow, never heard the perspective of the time/energy spend thinking of your old life is stealing from your new/current life; that was amazing!

[@carriefawcett9990]

I had a relationship with an older man when i was very young. It soon became apparent that keeping his ex wife happy and "off his back" was more important than me or my feelings. He never told her "no" ,had no boundaries with her and his excuse was always because they had a kid. We had custody of his son for months at a time so she could focus on her career, herself, and have a good time, yet he still let her walk all over him. Yet he had big boundaries for me, his partner. Any time i tried to talk to him and tell him how it was making me feel, he'd say " if you dont like it, pack your bags and f...off" ...so one day, thats what i did! I was young and pretty, and had plenty of interest from other guys. When i finally left him, he fell apart. Begged me back, cried his eyes out to my family. Begged! I found out that it took him years to get over me leaving him. Well, you reap what you sew. LOL.

[@beastshawnee]

Glad you wisened up and left the oppressor!

[@joywebster2678]

Sow as in plant

[@SuzanneQuew-vc4us]

As a young women, I’d never date a man who had a previous wife and family…

[@sarahmurphy-nf4yl]

He may have treated his ex wife that way too whrn they were together.. and nice to her only when she left him...like he did you. Men have a pattern. That may be his. Anyway you did the right thing leaving. Good 👌 👍 ❤

[@hadenanderson563]

​@@SuzanneQuew-vc4usDo you stand outside and tell that to the long line of men who are begging to be with you? Do any of the men ever fist fight in the line?

[@karenhultgren7810]

To the ICU nurse, I remember being in the hospital with my Dad who was dying and will always remember how wonderful the ICU nurses were. These are special people, angels on earth. Thank you so much!

[@shaeikeogu806]

100% agree!! Nurses are amazing!!!❤

[@HeyYou80855]

As a child of divorced parents I am here to say my former step mother and mother remained at war with one another even after 40 years! I always thought as each woman got older they would change or just get tired of the “battle,” but it never ended. As much as my dad did his best to keep us (the kids) out of the crossfire we were always in the middle with each woman always venting their hate for each other to us. Kids should never have to carry the burdens of adult problems. When you marry someone with exes YOU are also choosing to be tied to all the baggage that comes with it.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

But many steps usually the woman expects a man to cut all ties to his past. It doesn’t work that way. I could never do it

[@goldrose3019]

@@LisaLisaCJ So don’t be with a partner that resents you for having a past

[@jborrego2406]

​@Kwildcat13yes an u have to watch them kiss there butt, an ur expected just smile an be free Nanny ,maid , cook, chauffeur. But get no say in anything or plans. Or like my friend holidays forget about all about kids ( of course) but the ex spending all day ur not invited. Even when u have a kid The ex is 1st . My poor friend spent holiday alone with her kid. ( Live away from her family)

[@richardgonzalez6583]

And that’s the reason you don’t remarry if the original spouse is still alive to much drama no thanks

[@angelasepi657]

Your dad must've loved miserable women. Who knows where that came from.

[@ashleyc.6189]

First caller: You've got to play the long game. If the ex is an agent of chaos and doing everything to make your life harder, she's also making your kids' lives harder. So be a source of peace. Be their soft place to land and the parent who DOESN'T put them in the middle. They will remember this in the years to come.

[@dustyguadian7570]

You are so right ! My ex would try to ruin my life , she would talk bad about me to my kids ect. I never said anything to them I didn’t bad mouth her. Just informed when needed . Eventually they all saw her real self and don’t want to see her. My son came to me and told me , whenever he would receive a text from his mom it was always some problem or drama. He was like it’s never asking how he was doing or anything.

[@CarolBrady-lc5gl]

Absolutely right

[@everett894]

The problem isn’t the ex. The problem is how marshmallowly soft this guy is…..the current wife will soon be fed up with it too.

[@lauralei6963]

He enjoys the chaos. It allows him to act like a Hero between the two.. Trying to “get it resolved”🙄

[@dudeorduuude5211]

​@@lauralei6963no. He is checked out. And looking around, thinking he is handling this well emotionally, and that his current wife is the one with the problem. He just opted out of dealing with it.

[@denisemezynski8014]

I could barely listen to this guy, so damn annoying!! Like wheres the problem, get to the point!! And yes he is a Marshmallow!!

[@xprrj]

Nah, the ex seems like she regrets having an affaire and now takes it off on him and his wife. Hope they really find a way to not get affected by her.

[@jessnoske3020]

Came here to comment. Honey, she isn’t angry with your ex, she’s angry that you don’t do these things already. Deal with the woman that you once loved, she is being cruel to your children and the woman that loves you now. Your wife loves you enough to have chosen to go into this with you.

[@Ruthbaby175]

I'll just say this as a second wife. I knew it could be difficult. I had no idea that the first wife would be able to sustain here fury the rest of my husbands life. I never dreamed her hate would be so big she would be willing to sacrifice their children’s happiness and mental health. I really thought going to a different continent would be far enough. I didn't realize she would teach their children that our children had no right to exist. I was astounded how nice she was after he died.

[@shplms]

A problem I have right now is not similar to this guy’s experience at all, but it was just what I needed to hear. People lose their seats at our table, and it’s up to us whether we pull up a chair for them. That’s huge for me. It takes the power back and helps me reframe how I see things

[@n_flow]

I went through this for over a decade…she never got better. I learned to forgive, I learned that being happy is the best revenge and that being there and unconditionally loving the kid is the best gift you can give….all of that was not easy 😂 but it is possible. Oh and boundaries!!! Boundaries!!! Boundaries ❤

[@FluteReaderBookPlayer]

As someone used to get tongue-tied, I suggest that scattered-speakers like the first caller write down exactly what they want to say before calling in. Once on air, read verbatim from the paper. With time and practice, confidence can grow, and dependence in the cheat-sheet can decrease.

[@beastshawnee]

wont work. Everytime someone tries to just read- they get interrupted and it’s no accident. It’s boring to listen to readers as much as it is boring to listen to slow speakers…

[@AzothDee]

​@@beastshawneethat's a large statement. "Everytime." Not true.

[@angelasepi657]

John Deloney knows how to get the entire story of out a caller.

[@twilson355]

I've been a stepmom for over 13 years now and ex was angry, bitter and jealous for majority of that time. My youngest just got married. 1)Take control back, we gave step daughter a set amount of money to use for wedding 2) we agreed on a time to leave (I needed that for me) 3. Once kid has graduated highschool there's no need to talk to ex, focus on that relationship and keep communication between you and adult child. It gets better but it sucks when ex is not stable.

[@Dietconsulting]

Yep this is pretty much my experience

[@SuzanneQuew-vc4us]

#2’s lie a lot…

[@A.x3]

​@@SuzanneQuew-vc4usbro what?

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Perfect marriages or relationships don't really exist; each one is special. What works for one person might not work for another. But I've come to realize that there's always a solution to every problem. Five years back, my wife and I were close to getting divorced because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to make things right. It was hard, but we got through it.

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

I truly want to find happiness as well. I have someone special in my life, and even though we're not together right now, I can't imagine living without her; my love for her is deep. I really hope she comes back, and I'm fully committed to making it happen. We've tried different ways, like therapy, to make things right.

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Releasing the grip on someone dear is always tough, but in my scenario, I was fortunate to have the counsel of a spiritual guide who preserved my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

Thank you for this advice. I'll promptly start searching for her online. I appreciate it. I'm optimistic that pursuing this approach will also lead to favorable outcomes for me; her absence weighs heavily on me.

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Welcome... You should... I promise you will not regret it.

[@stephanieburgess8217]

Wish more men were willing to adopt this mind set

[@plumsmom8043]

Thank you Dr John for clarifying about family separation and abuse. The first time a therapist told me in my late 20’s that family reunification and my situation involving family abuse not being healthy was life changing for the better for me. Not every relationship is beneficial to repair.

[@sharonb519]

First caller- This is exactly how my 2nd marriage started out 20 years ago with a crazy ex-wife and 3 hateful kids who wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire. His new wife should have ran for the hills when that first episode in the drive way happened before they got married. That was a huge red flag and just a tiny glimpse into what her future looked like with him.

[@Myraisins1]

Facts!

[@LisaLisaCJ]

A lot of times the man presents himself as innocent and he has done a number on the first wife and kids of course are going to be resistant. I would never marry into a situation like that. My ex is a dog and I have never told his current wife anything. She found out soon enough he is a liar and his family is trash. I just live my life grateful I’m no longer in it

[@sharonb519]

@@LisaLisaCJ 💯 Which I didn’t find out until years later. People normally don’t act like that for no reason. I’m not justifying it by no means, just saying.

[@styyle310]

She will run

[@beastshawnee]

geesh- what did you do to make your kids hate you? That doesn’t come out of nowhere.

[@10coolfacts]

3rd callers dad sounds just like mine, who recently passed away. You lose certain privileges with your kids when you make certain choices. My dad never seemed to grasp that he lost my trust when I was a child and never earned it back. I forgave him for everything, the drug trafficking, the cops kicking down our door and tearing apart my stuffed animals, the constant moving, the physical abuse... I forgave him and moved on, but I never trusted him again. He would often call or text me and try to lay a guilt trip... "How come you never call me? How come you don't visit?" He was always seeking some validation that that the past was no longer a source of hurt for me. It didn't matter how many times I told him I forgave him, he saw that I would never trust him, so he couldn't move on. He could never forgive himself and so he was doomed into a cycle of self loathing and self-sabotage, which was difficult to endure. I had to keep him at an arms length in order to protect myself and my family. Fortunately, he is now gone finally found the peace that earthly life could never offer him.

[@wonder12374]

Good for forgiving him.

[@waynepolo6193]

@@wonder12374 Not sure that’s the main focus here.

[@dianeditonno3569]

​@@waynepolo6193it's all part of it.

[@dragonclaws9367]

Same here. My own father stole from me, took my laptop to a neighbor for them to break into it and none of it happened somehow I imagined it all. This was after I had no apology for him beating my mother for a decade. He did start to assault me when she finally left. Some people are perma victims. He even sent his new gf flying monkey to question my decisions. It's laughable.

[@angelasepi657]

Sorry about your dad and your stuffed animals.

[@JupiterN624]

I went through the same thing when I served as a juror on a murder trial. I had just started a new job in healthcare, and it hit so hard. I cried for days. I didn’t see it coming. I thought with all that I had been exposed to that I would be fine, but I wasn’t.

[@triciamool8157]

💗💗

[@eh1126]

As soon as the guy said he wanted to work through it with his ex wife I knew why he keeps giving her energy. He’s still hung up on her, the new wife was a rebound

[@devinpinnon4209]

To the 3rd caller, i feel you brother. Ive been struggling with this as well. Ive done multiple retreats and each time my dad come up in the workshops. Sending love your way.

[@ElisseThompson]

18:33 I’m a 41 year old single woman (never been married, just haven’t met the right person yet) and this guy’s story is the reason I just abjectly refuse to date single dads. I’ve tried, and it’s always been more headache than it was worth. I feel for his second wife; that must be a nightmare.

[@angelasepi657]

Don't feel sorry for her because she married a man with an ex wife. She chose that when she didn't have to.

[@Mr.mathias693]

Sheesh, this guy just admitted that he is sad he isn’t with his ex wife. Now his current wife is going to find this out. Sheesh this guy is just a mess and needs to step up and lead the family.

[@karil6461]

Right! Why is no one else talking about that. This guy isn't it sis

[@saintgtx]

The guy keeps his ex-wife around because he likes to feel like the hero, putting himself in between these two women. Both of those ladies should run from him!

[@racheliscool3338]

These shows are changing my life. Thank you 🙏

[@RepentImmediately]

My brother decided to reconcile with our father after he adopted a child (the first of two adopted kids). The result was that for the next 15 years, we all pretended to be a family while my father continued to be checked-out and my brother reneged repeatedly on things he volunteered to do to help me with our aging father, even to the point of volunteering to help me dispose of his ashes after he died last year, and then reneging. So now I no longer speak to my brother or his wife or adopted kids. The irony of course is that my brother gave up his rights to his biological child long before he adopted. That boy is now married with kids and found my brother a couple years ago and that boy resents him just like my brother resented our father 😂 being free of the man-children in my family is wonderful. I still send my eldest nephew money sometimes because he didn't grow up with the gross overindulge that my brother showers on his adopted kids.

[@beastshawnee]

You sound like the heroes this world needs! Good for being the sturdy person; the aunt who still cares!

[@RepentImmediately]

​@@beastshawneeI'm far from a hero, just someone who is naturally inclined to give and someone who spent about 15 years working through my issues from childhood. Thank you for your sentiment.

[@victorialombardi]

The first caller is absolutely still not over his ex-wife.

[@williamjohn8633]

You have that backwards

[@aimeerebecca1]

He’s small t traumatized by her. Imagine being married to that kind of person, finally finding yourself out of her clutches, and then having her haunt you by trying to sabotage your new marriage. She won’t let him put her in the rear view.

[@brightpage1020]

Bingo! 🎉❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉

[@brightpage1020]

​@@williamjohn8633💯

[@dropitlikeitshodge3104]

There’s a difference between not being over someone and not being over what they have done to you. That’s what I believe is happening here

[@SylmarHSVideoPro]

I’m not a father and I am a teacher. Any time someone asks me for honest advice because they respect what I have accomplished. It brings me so much joy to be able to help. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice

[@AndrewMurillo-dn4yh]

What a great episode John. You are a very insightful guy and I appreciate you.

[@bigdaddylee2011]

I love how people in the comments are just assuming things. It looks like he’s trying to keep the peace but just bad at it. Ex-wife needs to stay in her lane.

[@flozzy1626]

everyone always assumes things on this channel as if they know the full story and they also like to blame the guy no matter the situation lol

[@pattyc655]

⁠@@flozzy1626I don’t necessarily think I’m blaming the guy on this one. Just from listening to what he said, maybe he could’ve done a couple things differently but I wouldn’t put all the blame on him. It would’ve been really helpful to hear the ex-wife’s side, as well as the new wife’s side of this situation. It sounds like they all need to be a little more mature, if not for themselves, but for the kids.

[@angelasepi657]

The husband is allowing his ex wife to manipulate his emotions AND he is not willing to let her go. He should not have remarried so soon.

[@karenkramer3760]

Great advice about first caller. I liked allowing the ex wife at their table giving her the power to be destructive.

[@allisonjennings4758]

My brother in law served on the jury for the Lemaricus Davidson trial out of Knoxville. Look it up and you can see how traumatizing that was. Horrible.

[@nt3833]

Allison, I just looked up that case. That is one of the most horrific murders I’ve ever heard about. Some people are not human. Those poor victims. And then everyone affected by it and everyone involved in the trial were further subjected to the horrors. Unfathomable.

[@allisonjennings4758]

⁠@@nt3833it was. The worst part was it turned out the judge was on pain meds the entire time so they had to retry the case. The family had to sit through the trial multiple times. The pictures were horrific

[@n_flow]

I’m surprised forgiveness isn’t talked about more on this show. It’s helped me so much move on and find peace

[@kellibuzzard9431]

Right? Since John is a Christian, too.

[@n_flow]

Exactly, forgiveness is always the ultimate goal for me when I’m struggling (self and others)

[@tommyserrato6485]

I kind of feel like that’s what he teaches with emphasizing the acceptance part? At least that’s what I got from it 🤷‍♀️

[@nikkita1688]

That's part of the letters he tells people to write. Forgiveness doesn't mean keep letting people hurt you.

[@n_flow]

@@tommyserrato6485 yes kind of I just feel like it would be really helpful if people understood how to actually forgive. And the journey of forgiveness which isn’t just a one time experience depending on how deep the wound. It just took me a long time to actually understand forgiveness and how to use it and I just feel like that would be super helpful. And I didn’t quite find it in the Bible although that was helpful. I found my roadmap through the hopponoono forgiveness ritual. It helped me understand that I’m not just forgiving the person and the event. I’m understanding that this person is an extension of me. It’s just a little deeper I guess.

[@donnaw2868]

Meg sounds like she found her calling, to be a nurse. How blessed would be the patient who has Meg as their nurse when they are in need.

[@TG-nh6ni]

Love how the third caller has a role model/mentor close by 😊

[@bah-bah29hinks7]

This is why the second wife will give up… As this is never going to end and financial problems on top of it. Constant stress. Unless this guy grows a pair, she will have every reason to leave as she is sane. This is why I stopped dating newly divorced men. 😀

[@Bellas1717]

I'm a mother and grandmother. I have people who have asked me whether they could call me for "mother advice". I totally agree that it is no imposition, just a great honor.

[@1tommyday]

Oh man. I wanted to shake the first guy "Please get to the point!" The OP is terrified of his Ex and he isnt defending his current wife/ children enough.

[@Lesobre]

John is so patient. The first guy was so weak oh my God!

[@NunyaBitness-xq9ed]

The second caller I can identify with so hard as I’m sure most people can. this world just sucks in so many ways.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

She’s close to her mom still ? That’s her MOTHER. What is it with these stepparents? Really.

[@laundrygoddess4]

You aren't there. Maybe that daughter has a good reason to not speak to her.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

@@laundrygoddess4 we are talking about the mother. The stepmother has an issue with the daughter talking to her own MOTHER. Are you obtuse? Who has to be there to e at listening to the call 😂

[@kcourtney6826]

Everyone in the comments saying guy is lying about ex being unfaithful, I don’t think that’s the case, he sounds rather passive and says they tried to work it out I think the ex was probably under the impression they eventually would and then he moved on that’s why she’s angry.

[@m_d_a_187]

This couldn't have come at a better time!!!!

[@debs7368]

The jury member sounds like she was a juror on the Harmony Montgomery murder case. I can’t imagine sitting through the trial and hearing what happened to this sweet, little, innocent girl. If I were a juror on that trial, I would definitely need some trauma counseling. I hope this juror gets the extra mental health and support she will need to move forward. If I were near her, I would hug her until she let go. 😢

[@lauralei6963]

The stepmom has an issue with the daughter having a relationship with her biological mother?? Wtf

[@JustActNormal]

Exactly now we know who the real problem is

[@testaccount01336]

@@JustActNormal Really? I don't know them and I have a problem with the daughter who choose the cheater and abuser of the family.

[@katherinehutton9870]

​Please I beg you to reconsider that view. I am 1 of 4 siblings the youngest. My father had mistresses my entire life. One year after my mother's death he married the last one. It caused havoc In my life. My brother and sisters were much older than me 16,15, and 10 years older. I was 9 when they separated but they never divorce. My father made our lives miserable because he wanted my mother to take him back. I went for 2 1/2 years without hot water and heat because of him. My brother's and sisters didn't take sides.I do get annoyed by the fact that they never really said anything to him.. I didn't know when my next meal was coming from and my father was very well off. But to say a child took the side of 1 of the parents Is 1 of my biggest pet peeves. Even I had a hard time not wanting my father's Love . In a marriage the children are the children, they should not be designated as somebody who has taking a side. They shouldn't be asked to hate a parent Because of what the parents are doing. They're their parents how do you stop feeling that they're your parents. For a child it's a lose proposition. No matter if you take one or the other. It's not right to make the child be a part of whatever the parents screwed up. They're not in it they're not a pawn. This is coming from the 1 that got the worst treatment. I understood it was hard for them to just stop loving and not knowing what to do or who to pick or what going on. They didn't come out well either. We all came out hurt to the bone. So don't blame a child who doesn't have a concept of how this happen and is not their fight. They did not start it, has nothing to do with it. Don't do that to children. I was 1 of those children and it really messed us all up. Children shouldn't even be dragged into your adult stuff. This is between parents no matter what the children are saying and doing. Leave them the hell out of it, please! I'm 51 now and still messed up form that tug of war.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

@@testaccount01336it’s her MOTHER. Why would I pick a stepparent over my own parent? Even if my parent is less than stellar thats my PARENT?

[@MrsJFJ]

To those confused why a kids would affirm their cheating, chaotic parent…they really don’t know better. It will take them years before they see it for what it is. It may take their marriage and children before they even begin to understand that they had a chaotic parent and the stepparent was a great influence on them. He is so right about creating a peaceful home despite the situation on the other side. He needs to love his wife, reassure her and frankly, stop being so passive that you don’t have boundaries. That, in my view, is the real issue. He hasn’t created a sense of security for his new wife by creating boundaries. New wife can help with that, but she needs to be practical and assertive. Btw, I’m remarried and my husband, the step-father, is light years ahead of my ex-husband in providing a peaceful, stable home. My kids don’t appreciate him as much as they should, but I have to say, I’m not sure that bio kids appreciate their bio parents like they should either. Again, life will get them there. I hope this family gets some outside, affirming support. It really helps!

[@gingermanswife]

My husband and I decided early in our marriage that peace in our home was our #1 priority. So whatever decision we made to address his ex-wife had to end with peace on our side. It took about two years of consistency and refinement, but she’s not even a second thought anymore. And we have a loving relationship with our daughter. As a side, whatever divorced couples can do to minimize financial obligations like child payments etc the more peace you get. In a 50/50 especially if both parents work, the need for child support is utterly ridiculous and ends most battles.

[@beastshawnee]

Thanks John Deloney for saying that it’s different for kids who were abused! It really is. People need to stop laying guilt trips on us about horrifically abusive parents. No- I am not obliged to give them any grace. I spent 50 years trying to fix my family. No more. no more. I cannot expose myself to that ugliness. They never even acknowledged all their crimes.

[@joywebster2678]

They never will apologize. so you have to find the path to forgiving them, which isn't excusing them. So I kept a polite distant relationship with my parents. Didn't share personal data, kept the focus on them. So it was ok. Until mom died at 94 recently, the Narc siblings went wild. I hadn't seen them in 20yrs since Dad's funeral. Vicious ugly behavior. I owe them nothing, and there will be no contact. But I expect no apologies from them either.

[@colleengarcia7752]

Mine got a new and better family. We, the kids, made him drink too much.

[@laneparker319]

My first husband got along great with my new husband. It was a little scary for me. But. My new husband and my ex had formed a bond , the new told me that my ex was not the same man I divorced. It really healed our whole family for the sake of our son. Very strange

[@ArtLenLa]

That’s actually heartwarming.

[@laneparker319]

@@ArtLenLa thank you.

[@pattyc655]

@laneparker319 that’s awesome. You, your new husband and your ex are setting a wonderful example for your son. When my daughter was little, my husband and I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with my ex because of how he treated my daughter and me. Several years ago, my husband and I put all of those negative feelings for my ex aside. We all showed a united front at her wedding and now we have beautiful grandchildren we are forever grateful for. My daughter never has to worry about family drama from her parents. My daughter was full of happiness when she saw my husband, myself and my ex all chatting together at my granddaughter’s last birthday party. That is the focus, the kids.

[@TheUnlovely]

Thank goodness, it's time for my Monday morning Dr. John

[@boston312]

that first caller and his large family (his kids) are just adding to the miserable American divorce rate of 50 percent. When your this dysfunctional and love drama you should just stay away from getting married over and over again.

[@RepentImmediately]

People who pursue marriage seem to be pretty neurotic.

[@boston312]

@@RepentImmediately yes good point and also i would add impulsive

[@tommyz1082]

Eveey ounce of energy you spend thinking about your old life your steling from your new one, great advice!!! Good job!! Thats some real sh*t right there!

[@julieo330]

It is easy to say "you knew what you were getting into" or "just don't give her a seat at your table." Sometimes you can never know the level of evil you will experience. You can only guess. And you can't even imagine the pain you will feel. It is easy to intellectually be above it and do the right thing, but the feelings can drag you under.

[@angelasepi657]

When you are making decisions, do not base those decisions on emotions. They can't be trusted sometimes.

[@hayleycole5119]

I can so relate to this situation, from the current wife’s perspective….this helps me 🙏🏼 One difference may be that my husband’s ex has narcissistic traits (she’s not diagnosed so I won’t say she’s a narcissist) and THAT is some of the worst abuse I’ve ever experienced. Even though we “sign up” for it, there have been lots of surprises, but that’s what you get with with someone like that. Thanks Dr. John! And for this man’s current wife, I understand and I SEE you 🫶🏼

[@nathaliebasile6168]

To Cole. I just lost my 86 year old dad. Throughout the years; we had good moments and we had serious arguments. So, recently, He had fallen and I received that scary phone call. He survived the fall for only two months … I am so grateful for those two months. I was able to show some love despite our passed misunderstandings. I was able to be there with him. My secret ; I finally understood that I needed to mourn the ideal father figure I have held on to all my life. My father was a dude and for the most part a great dude. I was the parent in those critical last moments and we shared some good moments, and when he was getting a little harsh with me; I knew to let it slides. It was not perfect at all but so much better than before. reaching that understanding: that part of him was reacting as a kid; being able to finally be the adult; which came by being with him again; was empowering. The adult in me is now taking care of the child in me.

[@hiddenhand6973]

Being more adult than your own parent is rough. Adult children of emotionally immature parents is a worthwhile book.

[@jennifermarie8707]

Would you mind saying more about the adult in you taking care of the child in you? How do you (personally) do that?

[@nathaliebasile6168]

@@jennifermarie8707 it’s a conversation within. The child voice says “ he is so mean .. ready to have a tantrum ….” The adult voice says “ let’s not go there, he is behaving as a child, let’s calm down , you are a good person”

[@Manila-wo3pi]

I don't get why people divorce and then jump into new marriages. Raise your kids! That's the deepest, most important relationship you can grow and nurture, they're the best piece of you! if a new partner comes and the kids like them, that's amazing but there should be no push to be a "step-parent" or have rivals with the person that created them. It's ridiculous. Know your place, be an adult.

[@angelasepi657]

Agreed. In some instances parents end up abusing their step children and that is something that can never be undone. Just be on the safe side and raise your children, you can date later. For gods'sake, do not move random men into your home which is supposed to be your childrens' safe haven.

[@susi09]

First caller doesn’t sound like he’s over his ex wife.

[@Jenndiazjones]

“No.. ?? it kind of came that way” 😂 love you Kelly!

[@lisacrews3060]

My biological parents had 4 marriages between them from the time I was born until I was 16. I'm 51 now. I have very little sympathy for the adults in these crazy ex and remarriage situations. It's never your fault when a spouse cheats, abuses, and/or abandons you; it's always your fault when you don't do the right thing by your kids during and after the separation/divorce. Being passive and reactive makes room for unnecessary chaos. Being responsible means being pro-active and making the best you possibly can of the situation in what you have power over. Refusing for face cold, hard reality is inexcusable. Marriage and remarriage are for psychological adults. Psychological adults do what they SHOULD; psychological children do what they WANT. Psychological adults make decisions based on long-term thinking; psychological children only think in the short term. Psychological adults are disciplined (able to act contrary to their strong desires when the situation calls for it) and psychological children indulge their impulses.

[@blisslam1210]

I’ll let the comments marinate and come back and laugh at them

[@geofferypmeyers]

Yea I agree they not done yet

[@mildajasaite871]

It doesn't matter why they divorced. The matter of fact is that they divorced. You don't go and talk to your exes gf to tell hes an a**hole. That is her problem. Just let it go. You are divorced for a reason, remember that reason and move on with your life. I don't care if he cheated at this point, I don't care if he's lying. It's irrelevant. Once decision to go separate ways are made, you should never try and make your ex'es life harder. Hes ex now. That's it. Putting an effort to be present in life of one you have divorced is crazy. You communicate only as much as needed for kids.

[@rkeppel4243]

When my ex remarried a few months after our divorce was final I was relieved. She could take up his time and attention, so there was less aggravation for me!

[@JB-wp2gn]

I’m shocked he got a protective order. Nothing he mentioned rises to that level. She sounds rude and annoying at best, not dangerous

[@mildajasaite871]

@@JB-wp2gn well they, obviously, didn't want to deal with rudness and her being annoying.

[@jennifersilves4195]

Dude wasn't answering the phone when he had the children and their mother called. Caller had been dating his new wife for TWO MONTHS when this happened. Now he's angry his adult daughter talks to her own mother, when she's getting married.

[@NicholeTauger]

Right??? I thought I was the only one that caught that😂

[@AnnieG-dc8zp]

First caller shouldn't have married since he's still emotionally involved with his ex; their bond is going through some roller coaster ride moments and it will continue due to the daughter getting married, future grandchild(ren) to be born, being there when the baby is born.... emotions are going to be running all over the place! Before you marry someone who has an ex and children, be very careful, if you aren't able to fully be involved, if there is little mutual respect between you and the ex, don't marry, it will be an on-going battle... I have seen and experienced these battles over a couple of decades now. Peace is worth more than gold, guard that peace.

[@BárbaraElgueta-x8z]

I've worked with families of the desapeared for almost 20 years. It's be happy to talk to the woman on the jury. ❤

[@tinam761]

Oh Meg, so sorry and 🙏🏼 thank you… you served that little girl well… 💗💗💗

[@dana102083]

I grew up with a narcissistic sister from age 3 onward. Her 6th birthday (almost 4 myself) escalated with puberty. I wanted to be a nurse. I went to the ICU too. I saw a lot of stuff. The trauma in nursing is everywhere. Heck one shift my coworkers dad pulled unto the ICU as his thin esophagus issues from being an alcoholic came in bleeding to death and bypassed emerg. Some neglicence situations.. a new mom.. I have things I need to let go. Im now disabled froma genetic issue and am feeling all the pain of stopping now that I could hide keeping bith physically and mentally busy. I see that now. Hugs to all. Xx

[@kc2076]

I feel like everyone bashing this guy and his new wife has honestly never had to deal with a narcissist parential alienator. Which is fine everyone has different perspectives. It does happen all the time. Just oh lord keep the kids out of it

[@sarahAnn812]

💯

[@brightpage1020]

Ex doesn't want anything from this guy but control over his life and emotions. To prove to his current that she's still number 1. And he bends over backwards to please ex and could care less how that hurts his current wife. This guy will lose his 2nd marriage to return to his 1st and that lady is so psychotic she'll rake him over the coals to punish him for marrying anyone else in the 1st place and continue to make his life miserable. Becausr that makes her feel powerful. Keeping somebody else from joy. And that power is all this ex is after. Guaraunteed.

[@Thisistheplace44]

Probably the Adam Montgomery case. Poor kid. This isn’t supposed to happen.

[@Bogusfam]

My thoughts as well, would’ve been an excruciatingly awful case to be a juror on.. especially since they haven’t found Harmony :(

[@hiddenhand6973]

He put parts of her in a nutrabullet 😩😩😩😡😡

[@judepilsworth4193]

Dr John. You said anger is an indication that something is wrong and needs fixing. I’m sorry but Anger is often that something is wrong IN THEIR OPINION! That is not ground rules for anyone. Too many women have been battered with their husband using them as a football. They justify their anger by accusing wife of misdeeds, which they cannot prove but in their opinion! I’m justified because I “think”. The true cause is not anything to do with the woman! Yes it may be he grew up in a violent house and he’s angry…… but often it is just alcohol fuelled,

[@ekelly1642]

Im so ashamed of all the ppl being so mean to the first caller. At least he had enough balls to call in! I, myself, know for certain that I'd have a difficult time being precise or succinct in my delivery if i were to call in. (a) I suffer from crippling social anxiety and its quits possible he does too and (b) this is probably a very triggering topic for him and maybe his defense mechanism his whole life has been to just shut off and not talk about it. But, again, he was brave enough to reach out and ask for help. You guys are so full of it acting like you'd be better off calling in.

[@jessicabender1301]

This guy has no spine. The wife's not mad at the ex, but at him

[@melaniecastillo9786]

The Body Keeps The Score is an amazing book. Every one should read this

[@alleykarl23]

I’m going to tell you my fiancé and I are six years down the road with this same thing. His ex accused him of dv when he left her (never happened) got full custody, even though she has assaulted him and myself on camera (different instances) prevented their daughter from going on every family vacation we have ever taken (on our time) and has proclaimed their daughter will not be attending our wedding. LOTS of other bullshit as well. We have been engaged since 2020, and will not be getting married until 2031 when their daughter turns 18. It’s pretty crazy how much of our lives she controls, but what can you do? We have been to court several times with plenty of evidence, but he still only gets his daughter every other weekend, if the mom’s feeling “generous.” She’s broken the custody agreement several times and the court does nothing. We have had to just let it go and plan things without one of our kids, which is devastating.

[@vickyoli]

I used to be a Xray tech. I stopped bc I used to take the burden home. I still have some patients in my mind… that life was sooo unfair to them. ❤️

[@kathy8853]

The woman who served as a juror may have PTSD. Cognitive processing therapy may be extremely helpful to her, and the courts should pay for it.

[@texnewmexneen]

I’m guessing in the first call, the new wife wishes her husband would grow a pair and step up and stop being so passive about it. Stop letting the ex treat your wife like this.

[@mikethemechanic7395]

Worked with lots of guys who had bitter ex wives. One coworkers ex would call last min and say. “ You can visit your kids for a week next week!” After a few times of last min vacation requests. My manager told my coworker no more. Had another guy who had a mixed marriage. Anytime his kids were sick. His wife would call work and tell him to leave work to take care of his kids. She was a D bag.

[@blueseptember2174]

I cannot even understand what you wrote 😅

[@RepentImmediately]

The first guy didn't fight for legal custody and visitation, and the second guy was a parent -- why shouldn't he take care of his sick kids?

[@mikethemechanic7395]

@@RepentImmediately His wife was a stay at home. She had kids with this guy. The other kids were from a different marriage. Anything to do with the other kids. She made him leave work to deal with them.

[@SamanthaURen]

How do people get married and not be okay with their family dynamic (ie kids, ex, etc) It boggles me.

[@hiddenhand6973]

No one really prepares you for unhealthy family dynamics so I think people get involved before they know the totality of what they’re actually getting into

[@averybell4273]

He got married too fast. . He is still dealing with the feelings

[@melonioilar8569]

This comment is for Scott-my advice comes completely from experience-PLEASE don’t let ANYONE or ANYTHING come between your daughter and her happiness and the most important day of her life which is her wedding day-i can tell you this could end up with unfortunate consequences than you can imagine!

[@marypladsen5231]

Extremely good advice/understanding from the Delony man.

[@apriltownsend8463]

Harmony Montgomery case. Very sad.

[@lynnwilliams8295]

I didn’t think they ever found her? Wow. Such a horrific case

[@apriltownsend8463]

@@lynnwilliams8295 They didn’t but there was enough evidence to prove he did something to her and that’s all they needed

[@renebrown7394]

I feel there’s more to the story

[@gemmadubbydubz7786]

She said she had to see pictures of where the body was found and then says there wasnt a body?

[@Bogusfam]

Sounds like the Harmony Montgomery case.. it makes sense given what happened with her unfortunately.

[@karydiaz74]

Yes that's exactly why I came to the comments and see if I missed something or understood wrong 😮

[@hiddenhand6973]

If it was the Harmony Montgomery case then the body was in multiple locations. Adam Montgomery stored her in a bag up above the ceiling tiles, in a freezer, and other places I forget before hacking her to pieces and putting parts of her body in a nutribullet And flushing her down the bath drain. They never found what was left of her body, but there would have been bodily fluids in the multiple places he had stored her, and I’m not sure if they recovered the bag he kept her in or not, but that would’ve had fluids on it as well.

[@jeans398]

I do not understand why divorced parents put their needs first by getting involved with someone and then automatically expecting their kids to suddenly be accepting and greatful to have a step parent, especially when the rates of abuse become 9 times higher when they have a step parent, I can guarantee you there are things dine and said by rhe step parents that no one but the kids see, your kids DONT have to put YOUR lovelofe above everything, your kids are not here to play fake happy family for the benifit of your ego; I've never seen such rediculous behviours from adults in divorce situations.

[@tracykeeney8931]

I’m calling BS on this one. When a woman gets this angry and this irate and has this much vitriol toward her husband and a new spouse, you can almost bet that he was unfaithful and left her. That’s where the anger COMES from. It’s the feeling of betrayal. I don’t buy that she cheated on him and that’s why they divorced. If she cheated on him and they divorced the chances of her having this kind of anger and vengeance toward her ex-husband is extremely thin. I have the feeling this guy is lying through his teeth and HE was unfaithful and LEFT her. It doesn’t justify any of her nasty behavior, but it would EXPLAIN where the anger is coming from. She wouldn’t have a reason to be so angry with him if she was the one who did the cheating. Nope- I don’t buy this one. I think he’s lying.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Yup! 💯

[@michellelee487]

I think he’s lying too. He sounds like he’s causing the issues between these two women.

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@michellelee487 exactly. Not only that but given the scenario it’s fairly obvious that he was the one who cheated and left her for this new woman. He just doesn’t like being the “bad guy”… but thankfully his kids see him for what he is and his new wife/ap is well on her way to see it too. Guy sure dug that hole DEEP!😂

[@rosedevereux2391]

And he is a windbag. I am listening to the replay, missed it live. He still has not gotten to the point describing this Halloween party in 2021. OMG. How much you want to bet this guy is an instigator under Mr. Nice Guy facade? Talk about wanting attention!

[@AndiLawson27]

I would agree except I watched my own family member do exactly this thing.

[@aliciaohara8794]

I assume the 2nd caller is talking about the Harmony Montgomery trial? That case was so disturbing, I thought I might be sick after just reading about it...I can't imagine seeing the discovery docs in person.😢

[@lsl6510]

Don’t assume

[@aliciaohara8794]

@lsl6510 Based on the location, time frame and victim details, it fits the bill.

[@mariaroquavega5664]

Hmmm I can say that my ex husband's wife has always hated me even when they were cheating. This got worse and they abused my kids and alienated me for a decade. That's crazy

[@sonjag.8686]

Therefore, examine whoever binds forever and don’t rush into marriage because the people around you put pressure on you! I feel sorry for him, she went out and into divorce! Now, she rather have a f… up relationship with him then non at all! My advice, it’s not his fault and always remember there is nothing he can do to change her!! He can only change him self! Always remember she is a mess! ✌🏻

[@aprildanae7487]

This guy is hard to listen to lol. Not succinct

[@Thisistheplace44]

Exactly, I would have been glad to get rid of this guy. Let someone else listen to his rambling on and on and on………😂

[@spriggy4382]

Editor had to work overtime on this call 😂

[@yallcrazy302]

2x speed is a life saver

[@lovingfailure]

I'm just waiting for Delony to recap. I checked out of his story after about 20 seconds

[@kellibuzzard9431]

Extremely.

[@princee3968]

All situations are different and I don't believe that it should always be up to the parent to make amends with their child

[@angiespiva5304]

Emotional codependency it’s hard to break and especially if it’s coming from a toxic ex spouse. I finally had to break it myself from my ex-husband. I divorced him for a reason.

[@margaret1874]

ICU nurses are working very hard and they are wonderful ❤

[@user-atTrumanlll]

My husbands ex is a terrible woman. We just ignore her but my anger had to exhaust itself before I could get over it

[@marilyndalen3197]

In order to let go one must forgive in heart otherwise the bitterness and misery takes over

[@ginaruby]

Don’t forget to give Dr John a thumb’s up

[@harrietbaker4484]

I have natural curl too and the 80s was the only time I was in style😂

[@colleengarcia7752]

Whatever You like is what is in style. Who should dictate what style is? You probably have beautiful hair.

[@tinam761]

He hoped his new wife would take care of the issues with his ex …

[@alwaysyouramanda]

😥😓 Witnessed a murder scene at 15. For jury duty, I dress sexy. I feel so disgusted that people are forced to do this.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

They held the accused 3 years so me and my friends could age into doing court alone

[@angelasepi657]

Do whatever is best for the children. Adult drama can take a backseat. Children should feel loved and feel safe no matter which parent they are with.

[@selah5792]

John slingin’ wisdom in the ‘Dad’ call … wow.

[@midnajanedoe]

so toxic and sick I feel bad for his new wife and his kids the woman hasnt moved on is jealous mad and is lives in her own toxic world so sick woman is dangerous she isnt over her ex husband and will do anything to destroy his new marraige