The Onion News Network Special Investigative Undercover Response Team reports on whether the nation's waitresses are just being friendly.
Пікірлер: 3 300
@andrewf46233 жыл бұрын
Same happens to me with the cashier at the supermarket. She smiles and asks me how my day was literally every time I come in, then acts shocked/surprised when I show up outside her bedroom window. What gives?!?
@youngrav23112 жыл бұрын
She’s such a tease
@250smacks2 жыл бұрын
Awesome!! Lol
@Abominable_Intelligences2 жыл бұрын
Ikr? Then they bitchin about lawsuits and shit and their family acts crazy when she suddenly dissapears with no trace
@menne362 жыл бұрын
@@Abominable_Intelligences women i tell ya
@TTIN232 жыл бұрын
Doesn't surprise me. I've had multiple strippers tell me how amazing I am and how they wish they could find a guy like me, but then call the police every time I climb through her windows! What is going on?
@Hollowsmith4 жыл бұрын
The most unrealistic part is a single waitress owning a two story home.
@ericjourdain8923 жыл бұрын
Hahaha 😁
@Koniving3 жыл бұрын
I suspected it to be an apartment because the concept of a waitress owning a two story home is literally that unfathomable.
@Falicity3453 жыл бұрын
Plot twist: She still lives with her parents
@thebannaman25293 жыл бұрын
The “only” unrealistic part. It’s an easy spelling mistake
@firmanimad3 жыл бұрын
Maybe she inherited it
@ancienttechnique58303 жыл бұрын
I tipped a stripper once. She smiled and said thanks sweetie. I then proceeded to wait in my car with the lights off until she left to go home that night. 3 days later I found out that there was another exit that the strippers use to dodge all the creeps who try to take advantage of them. Those bastards. Imagine a woman having to sneak out of her job just to avoid those weirdos. It’s pretty pathetic
@chalkdeamon60703 жыл бұрын
Nice 👌
@mionrugheart23403 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂
@idkwhybut...3 жыл бұрын
Sheesh. Thanks for telling me. I better go camp out back next time and follow her home to make sure she's safe.
@zapkvr3 жыл бұрын
I don't need to imagine it.
@Justin-qd4tm3 жыл бұрын
I admire you waited for 3 days there
@DandyZero6 жыл бұрын
"So then we followed her home" LMAO
@laoganmafootballclub66325 жыл бұрын
Thousandth like
@andrewgarfield82465 жыл бұрын
Why do you have 3k likes and literally no replies?
@Angie_9785 жыл бұрын
Oop I mean 3
@Angie_9785 жыл бұрын
Oh God guys, it never ends! It's like comment section quicksand! Aaagh!
@laycebug32605 жыл бұрын
Angie 978 ahhhh
@Citizen_Se7en8 жыл бұрын
The dark turn the video took near the end was priceless.
@LegalizeTheNuclearBomb6 жыл бұрын
"We started to follow her home" wait what "and gassed her through her air vents"
@pseudonym3855 жыл бұрын
@@LegalizeTheNuclearBomb xD
@tomascanevaro42925 жыл бұрын
@@LegalizeTheNuclearBomb HOL UP
@williamrowold96565 жыл бұрын
Citizen Se7en even after reading ur comment I had no idea it was to that extent 😂
@diaz52925 жыл бұрын
Thoughtcrime does not entail death. Thoughtcrime is death.
@silkroad12014 жыл бұрын
Duh, every girl that crosses my path is hitting on me. Even the ones who don't even look at me, that's just their way of pretending they're not interested so I make a move. It's exhausting being so desired
@yueshijoorya6013 жыл бұрын
😂😂 please no more These are getting a bit too real.
@abdullaal-shaikh75723 жыл бұрын
@@yueshijoorya601 he just said how exhausting it was for him and you just go ahead and hit on him?
@cooltoast90563 жыл бұрын
69 likes
@BeanOnTheFlipside3 жыл бұрын
@@yueshijoorya601 please stop hitting on him he's tired
@xyrisejoss71443 жыл бұрын
Ok. Time for your meds granpa.
@micahy.61905 жыл бұрын
Who needs a wingman when you have a wing investigative team?
@MicahPotts4 жыл бұрын
My name is Micah too! 😁
@renji26004 жыл бұрын
Amazing
@micahy.61904 жыл бұрын
@@MicahPotts Nice! You don't see that name everyday. 😎
@micahy.61903 жыл бұрын
1234
@takdudung3 жыл бұрын
@@micahy.6190 5678
@christopherramsey70275 жыл бұрын
“Who are you? Where’s Tom.” “I am... Tom.” Lmao
@Radi0he4d15 жыл бұрын
That's ingenious writing.
@trevbarlow97195 жыл бұрын
As always, the Onion was at it's prime because of these little details.
@Competitive_Antagonist5 жыл бұрын
The Onion is great at satirising both feminism and creepy men.
@nfrench21005 жыл бұрын
Nice quote man. How’d you manage to remember those lines so well?
@jerryscanas5 жыл бұрын
Oblivion Dialogue
@rusitoexplorador4 жыл бұрын
The most unrealistic thing about this is that waitress can afford a home by herself
@ShaferHart3 жыл бұрын
And what a home
@dmitriyr40953 жыл бұрын
Plot twist: her parents passed out while kicking it in the basement
@idkwhybut...3 жыл бұрын
It's all those tips.
@ethan72522 жыл бұрын
theres nothing unrealistic about this, this is 100% real
@NoHomerS2 жыл бұрын
All those extraneous tips
@disco1974ever6 жыл бұрын
The Attractive Girls Union will be up in arms about this.
@johnholland67044 жыл бұрын
Yes they will.Those are trade secrets that he is sharing
@bulldoggmailcom4 жыл бұрын
What about a werewolf ???.
@cantbanme7923 жыл бұрын
attractive girls union is overrated anyway
@JohnVC3 жыл бұрын
@@cantbanme792 You must be a supporter of a Slightly Overweight Frizzy-haired Girl Union
@cantbanme7923 жыл бұрын
@@JohnVC we prefer the term "natural beauty league"
@danagray97094 жыл бұрын
She's clearly into you. Did you see the sensual way she fell unconscious when you gassed her? Pretty provocative.
@sparksfly58774 жыл бұрын
Ugh, women, always leading people on 😤
@BarginsGalore4 жыл бұрын
Frat boys be like:
@Alic44444 жыл бұрын
dat gass
@kosmicmarxman4434 жыл бұрын
If she didnt want gassed she should have been wearing her M40 field protective mask! Total Hussy. /s
@joekrater33644 жыл бұрын
You're a guy
@jarnodatema3 жыл бұрын
“Where’s Tom?” “I’m Tom.”
@jfish0323 жыл бұрын
😂
@EsquilaxM3 жыл бұрын
"I'm Umlo!"
@nevermindshort33 жыл бұрын
Can somebody explain that to me? Is she crazy?
@andrew10073 жыл бұрын
@@nevermindshort3 Those two "employees" were the ones that were planted by the news team to learn more about her. Presumably, the guy was performing the duties of an actual employee, Tom. But Tom was not present
@nevermindshort33 жыл бұрын
@@andrew1007 Ah okay
@GBGdevotie5 жыл бұрын
"This brutish looking truck driver managed to stall her at his table a full 22 seconds longer than me."
@gendoruwo63225 жыл бұрын
unforgiveable
@laycebug32605 жыл бұрын
it's like American Psycho
@No-0ne-is-Alone5 жыл бұрын
I thought he said british.
@MrMissingReel4 жыл бұрын
@ludlow 889 😂
@JordanTheMann4 жыл бұрын
Damn! Time to step up my game.
@greghannibal5 жыл бұрын
"Telling you what WE want you to know" Finally an honest news network!
@Raison_d-etre3 жыл бұрын
I was buying respirators in January 2020 thanks to the news networks you so detest.
@jeangarcia64323 жыл бұрын
Lol i literally thought of fox when they said this
@ok44122 жыл бұрын
@@Raison_d-etre And how many of them did you actually use?
@bruhman80052 жыл бұрын
A more accurate version would be “telling you how to think”
@mkvv56872 жыл бұрын
@@bruhman8005 ikr? Cons don't care what you think, as long as you do what you're told. Libs don't care what you do, as long as you think as you're told.
@jbot914 жыл бұрын
The onion is on a different level of funny. They don't get enough credit.
@smoothred94533 жыл бұрын
Was
@ronnykazadi3523 жыл бұрын
@@smoothred9453 well reality has surpassed satire in bullshitness.
@sanlistonmadzima6 жыл бұрын
"Hey there, you're back for more torture?" "What torture?" Had me dying
@dadamager30005 жыл бұрын
love the awkwardness lol
@tfwthelsdkicksin60835 жыл бұрын
Kinky
@antichound49045 жыл бұрын
@@christianguest63 you're scary, dude
@christianguest635 жыл бұрын
@@antichound4904 it's a meme u dip
@antichound49045 жыл бұрын
@@christianguest63 zoomer memes are too hardcore for me lol
@nostalgicuniverse97476 жыл бұрын
The onion is the most trusted news source now adays
@thekosmokramer6 жыл бұрын
more real than CNN
@ProlificThreadworm5 жыл бұрын
@pissedoff Jion this is true. Onion has been bought out.
@Fx_Explains5 жыл бұрын
@pissedoff Jion are you 9 years old
@dawei87055 жыл бұрын
@bacon next to pewnews ofc
@markflierl16245 жыл бұрын
That comment is priceless!
@davidmc84784 жыл бұрын
“Telling you the news we want you to know.” Brilliant
@supastar256 жыл бұрын
"We'll keep an eye on Lindsay and her TYPE..." lol
@supastar256 жыл бұрын
Mildly Amusing Channel he was livid lol
@sammipanini5 жыл бұрын
I legit thought he said "her tights", and I was like sorry wut?
@maddog77954 жыл бұрын
@@FirstLast-to6nj why so salty
@ashchaya76764 жыл бұрын
@@FirstLast-to6nj Fuckwit.
@Adhjie4 жыл бұрын
@@ashchaya7676 haven't heard that in a long time
@GreatWhite711 жыл бұрын
"But when I took a quick reading of her body temperature". lol
@ThePepper674 жыл бұрын
Great White7 I died
@salvadorsanchez45564 жыл бұрын
Damn. That's true on the flip side, when you talk to a girl and your intentions are not sexual but you can feel her heat coming across anyway...
@untamedtran74774 жыл бұрын
Killed me
@ducstatiba23 жыл бұрын
Hits different in 2021
@John-sr2hr Жыл бұрын
@@salvadorsanchez4556 yeah... happens all the time...
@Siddharth24604 жыл бұрын
He didn't use x-ray to analyze her bones, that should've given him some insights on what is going on
@lagrangepoint93864 жыл бұрын
The attraction would've been obvious if she were capable of getting a boner.
@terskataneli64573 жыл бұрын
Should have used SPET with radioactive glucose too see if the region associated with sexual desire activated in her brain
@Siddharth24603 жыл бұрын
@@terskataneli6457 I cannot agree to this more.
@davelowets3 жыл бұрын
@@Siddharth2460 Or you two creeps could simply LEARN how to interpret, with your OWN brain, a woman's sexual response, and skip all the weirdness all together. It's called "game", and you obviously don't have any.
@Siddharth24603 жыл бұрын
@@davelowets Someone has taken this video very seriously.
@GarthMurray16 жыл бұрын
I've discovered that the only 21 yr old women that smile, touch me playfully and giggle while I'm talking to them with my mouth full are waitresses. The exact same comments that totally engrossed my young beautiful blonde waitress will, an hour later, produce laughs of derision and disgust when I approach a group of young women at the bar. I think it's because waitresses are able to see the real, honest me and it's for that reason I always leave very generous tips.
@PrimaDel6 жыл бұрын
uhhh... okay..
@mohamadserhal30136 жыл бұрын
The Senate yeah I know this is too wierd ...
@thegoodkidboy77266 жыл бұрын
They're paid to be nice to you.
@artv.99896 жыл бұрын
I hope your comment was sarcastic
@neomcdoom6 жыл бұрын
If y’all don’t understand sarcasm you shouldn’t be here
@davidthomspson97716 жыл бұрын
so all those $20 tips weren't getting me anywhere!??
@AndrewGunner4 жыл бұрын
@ludlow 889 lol
@kookoo4pandas4 жыл бұрын
@ludlow 889 you need to take another 20, buy flowers- dam did your dad teach you nothing? that will raise your chances from 0 to 10%.
@kookoo4pandas4 жыл бұрын
@ludlow 889 yeah that will be such a surprise! girls love surprises!
@xl0004 жыл бұрын
this is why I don't tip. The waitresses and rest of the staff already get money with something called a salary. Each hour is in fact, paid... This may be a choke for the US viewers.
@onemanarmyoma01554 жыл бұрын
@ludlow 889 She can have my babies anytime. But how will she know they're mine?
@victor-5363 жыл бұрын
It’s always refreshing to see actual investigative journalism like this.
@be71696 жыл бұрын
"A powerful sleeping gas we pumped in through the heating vents". LMAO
@utahhoopsfreak86484 жыл бұрын
How they just slid that into the end of the story.😝
@justrandomthings319 Жыл бұрын
Lmfao.
@patientestant6 жыл бұрын
Finally a news network that focuses on the real stories that people (men) care about.
@JohnDoe-mv1sm6 жыл бұрын
damn right
@ShanteRoxxane5 жыл бұрын
John Kessler 🤣😂🤣 people=men
@fernybern4 жыл бұрын
People (men) what do you mean? Only men are people
@bakedzac36304 жыл бұрын
Fernando Valles that is the joke, yup. The original comment makes fun of men’s mentality, just like the video 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
@rowanfernsler97254 жыл бұрын
Dam right, Dishwashers are property, not individual people like the onion is real news and not satire
@Nick-sd7um4 жыл бұрын
This is brilliant. It's like a mix between British and American humour. Not too under done, not too over done.
@mkvv56872 жыл бұрын
Exactly. It's a rare medium that's done well.
@Tosti_bakker2 жыл бұрын
@@mkvv5687 is that a steak joke?
@bc5653 Жыл бұрын
Lmao I was just about to comment that the onions so dark it's almost British 😂 I'm very glad it's American though, it's nice to see dark humour spreading
@vexivero6 жыл бұрын
This is infuriating. I work in the back of a restaurant..I wonder how many of my front of house coworkers are acting like Lindsay??
@snow383476 жыл бұрын
Whooosh
@hi-nw7qy6 жыл бұрын
@@kai2k5 I think he's being woooshed, at least I hope so or else its a double wooosh
@iamNotHereB5 жыл бұрын
@@hi-nw7qy whooshception
@hi-nw7qy5 жыл бұрын
@@iamNotHereB Holy shit
@zaya53605 жыл бұрын
I always wonder how many layers of sarcasm will we reach, Like we say shit sarcastically that was made to be sarcastic, but saying it sarcastically becomes cringe, So we say it sarcastically.
@BloodyAnalSurprise13 жыл бұрын
THIS is The Onion.
@AKTheREal4 жыл бұрын
When humanity ends I hope they find this channel to gather intel about our race
@starwolfcyberlight45463 жыл бұрын
Ah you want sucky sucky
@knight-mares6 жыл бұрын
Where is Tom, I am tom
@horsepower5235 жыл бұрын
What is that comma doing there? Ever heard of a question mark? Do you even grammar?!
@vibsh6255 жыл бұрын
@@horsepower523 You rustic! How dare you use a question mark and an exclamation mark one after the other like that !
@horsepower5235 жыл бұрын
@@vibsh625 Look up "interrobang" on Google.
@vibsh6255 жыл бұрын
@@horsepower523 ‽ Interrobang !? Not Interrobang
@horsepower5235 жыл бұрын
@@vibsh625 It's literally the same damn thing.
@fakkuyu6415 жыл бұрын
*Wait, does that mean my favorite professional lap dancer, Candy, does not actually love me, oh dear, I've beed scammed*
@chinaminiyumako14155 жыл бұрын
Take it to the court. Don't overlook such injustice!
@user-ck9lm6xi1o5 жыл бұрын
she spells it “Kandii”
@MikkoMurmeli4 жыл бұрын
@ludlow 889 Yeah. Candy has a heart of gold, she sees the best in you and respects you totally.
@digi32184 жыл бұрын
Does she give you back your money that you threw at her on stage so you can do it again? Do you have her phone number at least? Have you gave her a ride on the back of your motorcycle? Have you taken her back to your house and she got in your bed? These are the questions you need to answer..
@Texas2404 жыл бұрын
@@digi3218 - Since I can answer yes to those questions (well, car not motorcycle), I'm wondering if I've spent too much time in men's clubs... Naaaah
@lo4tr4 жыл бұрын
I was eating at a restaurant once, a few years back, and the waitress was so awkward with her flirting. She said, "I know rich looking fellow like yourself would be able to tip quite well." I knew it was flirting because I was neither rich nor passable as such. I couldn't help but feel bad for her and didn't want to break the news that her perceptions were wrong, so I gave her $100. It would only burden her to know that I was unable to afford groceries that week. Still, after having gone back there every Monday since, her social awareness has not improved by much. I've been steadily increasing the amount I leave in tips in hopes that she will wake up and understand what is happening, but it just doesn't get better. Not only that, but she is still too shy to g out with me. Poor thing. At the very least, I've been able to maintain a steady diet of one meal a week. So, now I'm fit, healthy, and doing good in this world, all by helping out the local wait staff. Go me!
@Sibearian_4 жыл бұрын
SIMP
@ChaniagoAbd3 жыл бұрын
Lmao nice humour
@Oceangirl_5052 жыл бұрын
Gold, Philip. Simply Gold
@SharkSalesman902 жыл бұрын
Lose weight in one week
@jpmorgan1876 жыл бұрын
Miss the Onion videos. Bring them back. It will stabilize America. Maybe even make it great again.
@SiisKolkytEuroo5 жыл бұрын
@@JavaIsnom now that you've said it....
@storrho5 жыл бұрын
Lol this is not American humour unfortunately.
@Left4Red5 жыл бұрын
It’s already great
@thekyleprojekt79965 жыл бұрын
The onion got bought out by a liberal organization and now they switched to clickhole, but almost none of it is funny anymore. Nothing will reach like the old onion did
@hardspumoni69405 жыл бұрын
@@thekyleprojekt7996 There is a sifference between the weird kid and a moron. Pretty sure you're just stupid.
@Will-oj3un5 жыл бұрын
G: "What Torture?" L: "The Food" G: "Oh, a Joke!" *HAHA*
@Aitvo4 жыл бұрын
Incredible journalism, asking the the important questions and doing the investigations that others don't dare! Keep it up!
@w.kuiper3162 жыл бұрын
Hello Emil, how’s your day? Do you have any new deals on offer with a prices that are slashed by a greatsword?
@ssa31016 жыл бұрын
S- special Q- Quiet U- Undercover I- Investigative R- Response T- Team Would have been a better name
@roguishpaladin6 жыл бұрын
It's funnier if the acronym isn't a real word, though.
@dontforgettolike71275 жыл бұрын
H- Head O- Order of L- Liberation E- Enforcement
@andrewg9445 жыл бұрын
And the members of coarse are "squirters"
@AmateurContendr5 жыл бұрын
The T should stand for Tom
@stevebob2405 жыл бұрын
"Telling you what we want you to know" Should be the slogan for every single news site/ platform.
@RideAcrossTheRiver3 жыл бұрын
KZbin is the worst offender.
@mkvv56872 жыл бұрын
@@RideAcrossTheRiver Why did you want me to know that? Are you trying to tell me what to think?
@RideAcrossTheRiver2 жыл бұрын
@@mkvv5687 No, I'm trying to order a pizza
@mkvv56872 жыл бұрын
@@RideAcrossTheRiver :D
@janeallgood98332 жыл бұрын
"hey guys, i think that woman who works for tips really likes me." - a shocking amount of otherwise intelligent men. don't hit on girls at work, they have to be nice to you.
@sebastianorellana39122 жыл бұрын
lmaoooo true
@cgigammez5749 Жыл бұрын
I will hit on anyone i like
@IDislikeMacaroni Жыл бұрын
@@octavioavila6548ick. They’re just tryna do their job, dude.
@ianblanchet55006 жыл бұрын
When you're a virgin and think somebody's hitting on you
@andrewpearson19036 жыл бұрын
Can confirm
@flowerpunk52556 жыл бұрын
Ian Blanchet that's the joke
@ianblanchet55006 жыл бұрын
@@flowerpunk5255 That's the point
@tynao20296 жыл бұрын
your point is to try to make the same joke the video is but worse?
@detectivedonaldkimball5 жыл бұрын
make eye contact with a girl and imagine life together crew
@troyharrison72086 жыл бұрын
“So we followed her home.”
@happymilk74334 жыл бұрын
This just radiates nice guy energy.
@arne81583 жыл бұрын
That's very kind of you. You know this is the kind of positive encouragement we need more of in the world and you seem like a very nice guy as well if I may say so.
@happymilk74333 жыл бұрын
@@arne8158 thank you but I have two x chromosomes
@moogcult64923 жыл бұрын
@@happymilk7433 im so sorry to hear that, get well soon
@happymilk74333 жыл бұрын
@@moogcult6492 thank you. im Actually sacrificing myself to the penis god tomorrow
@mowermen17622 жыл бұрын
@@happymilk7433 you uhhhh… ok bud it’s uh been two months…
@peppereater30286 жыл бұрын
After watching this I'm gonna reconsider perposing to my waitress at Denny's...
@atomgripd5 жыл бұрын
XDranzer000 thank you for handling this situation appropriately officer, for a second i was about to take the law in my hands (ppl like us have to keep the Grammarworld in balance)
@saxonsoldier675 жыл бұрын
@@atomgripd I disagree. Clearly he was trying to use the word "porpoising" as in using powerful rhythmic motions of his body to entertain his waitress.
@josh1823011 жыл бұрын
So all this time I have just been wasting my money tipping that freindly waitress. She seemed to get more friendly the more I tipped her, so I thought one day she would accept my request for her phone number. Good thing I found out before I spent all of my college savings.
@boborson55366 жыл бұрын
Thats the way Josh, remember Women are good for one and only one thing, removing your Kidney and selling it on the black market, Damm you Samatha!!!
@andrewpearson19036 жыл бұрын
These are worthy responses to the clip
@Tiagotaf4 жыл бұрын
I went to a restaurant some time ago and got hit in the head by a waitress's tray. Yea, they do hit people.
@BlueEyes-WhiteDrag0n3 жыл бұрын
Well yes, but actually no
@666LonesomeSailor3 жыл бұрын
@@BlueEyes-WhiteDrag0n this is a) false b) because c) it´s d) right =(c:|)>
@diegodelamota11996 жыл бұрын
Oh, a joke. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
@ashchaya76764 жыл бұрын
@ludlow 889 Literally epically actually ironic.
@satoshianthony58526 жыл бұрын
Clearly she was stonewalling us.....
@jamescunningham60174 жыл бұрын
I only just found out what this was.
@gravity18932 жыл бұрын
I worked at Tesco for 2 years and tried to be polite to as many people as I could because for some of the people that come into the shop, that’s the only social interaction they get during the day or even week. Especially older people. So it means the world to these people when you chat to them and make their day. I made so many friends with the customers and got to know their life and some of their families, I would still stop and talk to them in the street if they were passing by. I doubt most people are looking for extra tips or praise when they do this during their working hours. Some yes but most people are just being human. It’s honestly a really nice feeling having the excuse to talk to random people and getting to know them. Don’t get that opportunity much these days
@thereisnosanctuary61842 жыл бұрын
Ready for my Sofia interaction
@gravity18932 жыл бұрын
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 hahahah lol meant social
@vladraduandrei5227 Жыл бұрын
wow thats everything that I despise...overly chatty waiters..just take my order and bring my food, I don t need more...then again I ain t the old guys you re vibing with.
@LaikaMuttnik11 жыл бұрын
so, when that cute cashier told me "Thank you, come again" she didnt really mean it? ruined mah day :(
@filipedias72844 жыл бұрын
Course she did, she need dat money
@MikkoMurmeli4 жыл бұрын
Of course she wants you to come again! Don't listen to the haters, they're just jealous you're such a cool guy that a cashier says that to you, ok?
@TheRafaelBond4 жыл бұрын
she did, you are a valued customer
@legrandliseurtri74953 жыл бұрын
You're most likely her favorite customer!
@meenalien44466 жыл бұрын
These are questions that everybody is curious about but no one dares to ask. Keep up the good work onion
@LuizAlexPhoenix3 жыл бұрын
Awkward af, having worked retail people will think we are hitting on them for just showing an ounce of human warmth.
@lithostheory5 жыл бұрын
This is the kind of investigative journalism we have a desperate need for nowadays! Excellent job and continue the good work!
@Kleavers13 жыл бұрын
That's Pulitzer material right there.
@Thrifty0327813 жыл бұрын
I love how his attempt at sending in spies failed so quickly.
@comradehess11 жыл бұрын
No toilet cam?
@UnitAlir6 жыл бұрын
I was honestly expecting that. This isn't The Onion! It's an imposter!
@trippysnow37916 жыл бұрын
111st like
@jacobc92213 жыл бұрын
Nah, there's one in the shower though.
@damnseriouselephant11 жыл бұрын
What kind of world are we living in when waitresses can't even genuinely have sexual interest in every customer? This world is a sick place!
@arveyilleszender5809 Жыл бұрын
Any Onion video made about 12 years ago is always always brilliant.
@NeuKrofta6 жыл бұрын
The real questions are finally being answered
@cim8884 жыл бұрын
Thank you youtube, I've never heard of the Onion before. It may be 9 years late but I needed this right now.
@tannernalley96544 жыл бұрын
This is the kind of indepth investigative news reporting I rely on from the Onion. I couldn't live without. These days, it's so rarer to come across truly dedicated journalist like those from the Onion.
@ZImpresive4 жыл бұрын
"Does my girlfriend like me?: A Special Investigation"
@diaz52926 жыл бұрын
Leave that nice girl alone! And... tell her I'm single, and a lot of fun. Tell her I know some really cool card tricks, and that I drive a nice car....
@DoglinsShadow Жыл бұрын
This went from 0-100 real fast LOL
@0815Mann Жыл бұрын
Finally a determined guy who takes initiative and shows dedication.
@AdamCantor13 жыл бұрын
onion should do this for nurses too :D
@br1ann884 жыл бұрын
The word choice of “Reproduced the same posture” Got me LOL
@tekenertehee5 жыл бұрын
Good thing is literally nobody tips in my country so if a waitress is flirting with you you know it's geniune
@bipedalbob5 жыл бұрын
@ludlow 889 sure nff, even a broken clock is right twice a day, it could happen. Specially if you leave your keys with the jaguar key fob on the table, she won't know you drive a Yugo yet
@bipedalbob5 жыл бұрын
@ludlow 889 I'll agree with you there, jags are not known for their reliability, but their looks. Kinda like a beautiful woman. My example was from personal experience of some one I knew 30 years ago, who had leased a jag, and always made sure to have the keys on the table with fob clearly visible at the bar. And yes it worked, he was also likely a psycopath judging by his behaviour. Of course he wasn't looking for miss right, more miss right know.
@ThatMans-anAnimal4 жыл бұрын
I never tip, so if a waitress flirts with me I know it's genuine.
@insanem52584 жыл бұрын
@@ThatMans-anAnimal how can she know you don't tip before you paid the check
@ThatMans-anAnimal4 жыл бұрын
@@insanem5258 If I come back like 5x and she's still flirting with me you know she wants the d cuz she sure as hell isn't getting a tip
@music0cool6 жыл бұрын
Creepy “nice guys” be like 😂
@hebince445 жыл бұрын
Feels like a term coined by women for guys they don't think are attractive enough but want their attention and approval as 'friends' without ever wanting anything else or more.
@miguelacp835 жыл бұрын
@@hebince44 Looks like we found someone who was friendzoned.
@xyannail46784 жыл бұрын
Now you people are the ones who don't realize that friendzone isn't a succes. It's rather naive and dumb to even think about being the backup plan for a women. They told you they don't want anything so accept it and stop daydreaming.
@pinkblueberrylanadelshy71974 жыл бұрын
@@hebince44 "Ladies and Gentleman, we got him!"
@Samus70004 жыл бұрын
hebince44 FOUND THE VIRGIN INCEL!
@AK-jt7kh2 ай бұрын
"Until we find out why she won't return phone calls when she's not seeing anyone" 😂
@PremiumFuelOnly11 жыл бұрын
Yea, they need to do more research on this. Ive always wondered this myself!
@Sentinel824 жыл бұрын
Where's Tom? (Hesitation) I'm Tom 🤣😂🤣😂
@farmiap2 ай бұрын
My favorite moment in this
@morningstar92332 жыл бұрын
I know the waitress is only pretending to like me, just like i pretend i keep coming back for the coffee.
@CJVS9952 ай бұрын
the circle of life
@Turambar37916 жыл бұрын
That conversation must appear in The Room 2: -Hey, do you know that customer out there with the blue shirt on? Yeah, Gavin. He's a regular. I think he's into you? Do you like him? Who are you?, Are you new? Where's Tom? I'm Tom
@keegster71675 жыл бұрын
Alejandro Sintes Ruiz de la Escalera Perfect.
@Urbanscape6675 жыл бұрын
You are tearing me apart!!!
@kungfew13965 жыл бұрын
I was always suspicious of the Hooters waitresses.🤨
@charlieross-BRM2 жыл бұрын
That was a good one. "a brute of a truck driver" "Are you new?" "Where's Tom -- I'm Tom." It's a touchy subject for sure but they portrayed it with skill as usual. Studies were done many decades ago with men that showed we instinctively bias our minds to think random women we are finding attractive during an interaction are getting just as interested in us at the same time. So now I check myself "Slow down Top Gun, it's just the hormones talking."
@Oceangirl_5052 жыл бұрын
So, Charlie, are you available?
@happymolecule88942 жыл бұрын
@@Oceangirl_505 what the
@user-pr6ed3ri2k Жыл бұрын
42+1thsliker
@manfromnantucket95446 жыл бұрын
I am Tom.
@olafweyer8593 жыл бұрын
"Hi, I am Dan" - The Orville
@slappy89415 жыл бұрын
I was heartbroken to discover that my waitress was flirting with other customers.
@EnoVarma Жыл бұрын
We need more of this type of professional investigative journalism.
@kafilkavich707 Жыл бұрын
Agree lol!!!!!!!
@cohencoughlin3285 жыл бұрын
This should have been a much longer segment for the idea was just gold.
@user108425 жыл бұрын
*_This turned so dark so fast_*
@monstrellsf-w82773 жыл бұрын
The best and most thorough investigation I’ve seen into this dilemma yet Onion, keep up the good work so we can get to the bottom of this
@shadee0_106 Жыл бұрын
"Clearly she was stonewalling us, so we decided to follow to her home"
@justrandomthings319 Жыл бұрын
Lmfao.
@RetroPlus6 жыл бұрын
I don't bite the onion, I chew it knowing it's all satire. Chew on my fellow onioner's.
@fridaymorning1396 жыл бұрын
Retro Plus k
@lemonke81326 жыл бұрын
Retro Plus wow you’re so intelligent
@gendoruwo63225 жыл бұрын
really brings tears to my eyes!
@Chugargonfan5 жыл бұрын
Why?!? I'm not a cannibal you freak
@ericaploof9984 жыл бұрын
LOL IT STARTS OUT NORMAL AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN "WE FOLLOWED HER HOME" AND IT GOES DOWNHILL
@fulldisclosureiamamonster27864 жыл бұрын
Sure because dudes just casually taking the body temperature of women they're talking to is normal lol
@ericaploof9984 жыл бұрын
@@fulldisclosureiamamonster2786 I mean, you ain't wrong lol
@bobs28095 жыл бұрын
Most of the young attractive women who wait on me at restaurants and bars are really into me. I can tell.
@FecalMatador4 жыл бұрын
ludlow 889 dude, I’m a straight guy and I’ve given dudes free beers. It’s the same reason girls do it. Drunk people tip better. Plus alcohol is one of the few things servers can get their hands on, as free food from the kitchen is much harder to come by
@anactualplant95743 жыл бұрын
@@FecalMatador instead of stealing from your restaurant, you could just buy a beer for a customer. It’s a bit of a gamble but it should pay off
Every MSM network should start their broadcast with, we will tell what we want you to know.
@stephenwright88244 жыл бұрын
Err, that sounds too honest.
@250smacks2 жыл бұрын
If your waitress remembers how you like your coffee, she clearly wants to have your babies. Its science.
@ninjanutzforfun11054 жыл бұрын
She's gonna freak out when she sees this
@ninjanutzforfun11054 жыл бұрын
@PurpleStratocaster omfg bro ik I was joking I'm taking about the character it's the onion 😂 r/whooosh
@ydrahkcin6 жыл бұрын
I love how it started out as an investigative piece, and then you realise that its just this guy who has been using this as a way to see if she is into him, and then why she is not into him.
@DepakoteMeister5 жыл бұрын
OMG, you're right! Well spotted!
@bencobb55453 жыл бұрын
0:09 best part lol siurt isn't even an acronym for anything
@scoonigans23 күн бұрын
😂
@Pau_Pau94 жыл бұрын
Onion Network, we go where other networks fear to tread. Best news source PERIOD!
@isabellaahern54274 жыл бұрын
I hope you're joking.
@Pau_Pau94 жыл бұрын
@@isabellaahern5427 Yes. Well, world need a laugh..
@isabellaahern54274 жыл бұрын
@@Pau_Pau9 oh thank gosh haha ive just seen so many people that think it is real
@Pau_Pau94 жыл бұрын
@@isabellaahern5427 That IS distressing..
@brovold724 жыл бұрын
'Oh, a joke -- ha ha ha ha!' man this is too well done.