Amish Dating Questions: Girls ask Boys? Multiple Partners? & More

Answering some questions on the Amish & dating:
Can Amish girls ask boys out for dates?
Can Amish marry non-Amish?
Do Amish youth date multiple partners?
What do Amish women look for in Amish men?
Info via The Lives of Amish Women by Karen M. Johnson-Weiner
www.press.jhu.edu/books/title...
www.amazon.com/Lives-Center-A...
Image credits: Ed C., Jim Halverson, Don Burke (www.flickr.com/photos/ozarkin..., Jerry in PA, videvo.net
My name is Erik Wesner and I'm not Amish. Back in 2004, I met the Amish while selling books. Since then, I've visited 5,000+ Amish homes & dozens of Amish communities. My book on Amish business, Success Made Simple: An Inside Look at Why Amish Businesses Thrive, was published in 2010. I run the Amish America website: amishamerica.com/
Related videos:
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Can Amish marry non-Amish? • Can Amish marry non-Am...
Read more:
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An Amish First Date amishamerica.com/an-amish-fir...
What is Rumspringa? amishamerica.com/what-is-rums...

[@lindajc123]

Looking "at the heart" and taking your time to decide is better than any predictor of being happy in a marriage.

[@capricorngirl52405]

Looking at the heart of a person is good advice not just for Amish, but for everyone

[@candyrenee2152]

Very interesting. When I was in a young people's group (not Amish) most of us ran in a group, however, the older young people seemed to start to pair up. I loved the quote about the heart at the end. If you are lucky (blessed) enough to find a kind heart, it is a beautiful thing.

[@mariayelruh]

There is lots of socialising among the Amish youth in groups. I see it all the time at Mud Sales and other events.

[@Hegde-]

​@@mariayelruh Can you tell me what is a 'mud sale'?

[@csnanny1882]

I am friends with an Amish family,they are nice respectful people.

[@stantonmagid4126]

Thanks Erik always informative and entertaining and educational and interesting. Something to be said for this very conservative way of life

[@cindynielson4231]

I think the young lady should really watch how the young man treats his Mother and Sisters. To me that shows me what kind of heart he has. TFS 👍

[@karengunia5451]

Hello Erik! Happy Friday! Thanks for another great video

[@AmishAmerica]

Thank you and happy Friday!

[@markhaynes9442]

Great topic. Good job as always, Erik! Have a great day!

[@AmishAmerica]

Thank you Mark! Credit to Karen Johnson-Weiner for her great concise explanation

[@marymartel5187]

Thank you Erik! I enjoy your channel and look forward to your videos :)

[@AmishAmerica]

Thanks Mary I am happy you found it:)

[@susanschuck8124]

Great video once again! Thank you

[@TheMtggrl]

Oh lots of good information here, it's good to know that these young women can say "no" to a date or a potential relationship. My guess is that when they begin to consider relationships, they are already thinking long term and they most likely know what they want and what they will not accept. I have a question for you, do the widows and widowers date or go into other relationships when they have lost a partner? Thanks for sharing Erik.

[@jeffersonmorant]

That’s so thoughtful of you, Thanks for your positive review,How are you and how’s the weather over there?

[@kjsaaaaaaaa]

I don't know about all of the Amish, but my neighbors are part of the small local Amish community that include a remarried widow and her husband, also a widower.

[@jeffersonmorant]

i don't see any reason why they cant give another relationship a trial, I believe in do whatever makes you happy

[@nickfantini6489]

Typical of an evil modern feminist to tarnish what's good.

[@Mrsmadison45]

❤ great video

[@melissawalker3888]

I really enjoyed this video. I am definitely going to try to find Karen Johnson's book. That looks very interesting.

[@xanthippus9079]

How interesting! I used to think a boy would get permission to marry a girl if he gave her father a goat and three chickens.

[@droolbunnyxo9565]

On another continent, maybe. I don't believe the Amish operate this way. 🙈!

[@lisacraze1]

I’ve never heard the expression “Too willing to crowd the fence”. What does that mean?

[@AmishAmerica]

It's an expression used among Amish meaning basically to test the rules of the church. Sort of an agricultural-rooted metaphor

[@lisacraze1]

@@AmishAmerica Thank you!

[@jbrown1384]

Erik, I love your channel. You cover topics I hadn’t even thought of, though I have viewed the amish both up-close and from afar since I was a teenager. Just curious: is your work on Amish life and culture a full-time occupation?

[@AmishAmerica]

Thanks for asking and I'm happy you found the channel. As far as a full-time occupation, I try to make it that! In conjunction with the website it certainly takes enough time to qualify as full-time. It's just a matter of whether it can pay the bills:) it takes some hustle but so far it has worked out and I feel very fortunate for that and grateful for people's interest

[@Melissa0774]

Do they ever travel and live with different communities to try to find someone outside of their home community?

[@RockinRavenVA]

What a great question! Based on my friendships with the Amish, some young men might travel to a different state to work and meet their future wives there. A lot of Amish youth groups in PA can be spread out over a couple of counties, which requires a lot of weekend trips where they can meet other members of the group who live farther away. Many future couples meet at weddings, where guests often come from out of the area or different states. They will court long-distance if needed.

[@lanadrummond5542]

Yes I’ve heard they do travel or move to other communities to find a partner. Otherwise they end up marrying into their own family./ cousins etc..

[@jerriscollins-ruth9019]

Thanks Eric

[@Brandenuzis]

Im married to an Ex amish woman. It was Very different than my previous relationships and obviously it will take a while for her to get used to the new life. It was crazy to hear her side of life because prior I knew absolutely nothing about amish people. Her parents and siblings hate both of us and our daughters obviously because she left the amish and married and English boy😂 been together 5 years now and she’s still getting used to everything and I just taught her how to drive standard she was blown away that my car had heated seats and AC😂

[@droolbunnyxo9565]

It must be difficult finding love & a marriage partner when your choices are pooled within & limited to a small community. On the other hand, your chances of finding someone with similar important core beliefs & ideas is much easier & less stressful. Sometimes you meet someone wonderful, but as you get to know each other you both realize it's like you're from two different planets. And that serious compromises must be made if you want to be together for the long-haul. That's a hard decision to make without dating them for a good while beforehand. So, the Amish probably have the right idea by limiting their community dating choices this way. Albeit, a little unsettling for non-Amish to understand & accept. The Amish simply don't want their culture & way of life diluted or endangered through too much compromise or negative outside influence. Common sense stuff. (A very taboo idea in today's PC world.)

[@AmishAmerica]

Insightful comment.

[@droolbunnyxo9565]

@@AmishAmerica Thank you. Not a popular one, outside of Amish context, but nobody should live their one life by a stranger's social opinions & pressures.

[@helloeveryone540]

I love the purity and sophistication that characterize Mennonite and Amish women, and I hope to marry an Amish girl Can anyone tell where and how to find Amish woman?

[@susiecox8413]

Another good topic! If they become a couple but live in different states how is it decided where they live when they marry? Is it a joint decision or pretty much they live where the guy is from....

[@AmishAmerica]

No that definitely varies. Might be where there is more opportunity as far as work or just where the couple feels more comfortable (family ties, etc)

[@JSAC66]

This subject covered “young folk”, but what about young (or youngish) widows/widowers? Also, do senior citizens ever remarry after losing a partner? And another also, have you talked about divorce, is it EVER accepted?

[@rebelliousraven]

This is good advice Amish or no

[@oldfarmshow]

👍

[@samueltrm]

Hey Erik I was curious what do you think of Jamesport Missouri. My mom and I are traveling to Missouri to visit family and we are planning to stay in Jamesport Missouri during the time we are there. My mom has been there before but its been many years.

[@AmishAmerica]

I have not visited there myself but have heard good things about it and have featured that community on the website several times. Don Burke whose photos I often use in vids knows it well and has shared in multiple posts. I have the impression of a fairly progressive (in Amish terms) and friendly community. These posts might be useful if you're thinking to go: amishamerica.com/amish-jamesport-missouri/ amishamerica.com/marie-graber-on-jamesport-amish-tourism-and-more/ amishamerica.com/stay-on-an-amish-homestead-doddy-house/

[@spencerchartier2677]

I’m curious how amish View Members of the community with physical or mental disabilities if the person would benefit more from going to a specialized school would that be allowed

[@RockinRavenVA]

Jumping in here - the Amish are incredibly loving and compassionate toward people with disabilities and they do indeed have dedicated schools and a lot of inpatient and outpatient programs to address their needs. I'm sure Eric could add a lot more.

[@mustluvseinfeld4444]

Very interesting, thank you! I’m now wondering what happens with Amish people (male & female) if they don’t find a suitable mate? 🤔

[@droolbunnyxo9565]

Erik has spoken about this in previous videos & it's interesting too. They live within the community as accepted bachelors & spinsters, no judgements. If I recall correctly :)

[@AmishAmerica]

Yes this vid goes into it, it does happen. Since marriage and family are the Amish ideal they are a bit sidelined in some sense, for lack of a better word but in healthy situations still can find a fulfilling place in Amish society kzbin.info/www/bejne/oIO1g3RomKeniKc

[@mustluvseinfeld4444]

@@AmishAmerica Thank you, I’ll check it out! Yes, sidelined sounds like an appropriate description 🥰

[@stevehartman1730]

There is very little casual dating among the Amish/plain faith. You must quietly ask her father in secret if the father has no objection then He will ask Har if she would be interested if she says no then the Father would say no. He may put a time limit on when he may ask again as the young fella may have things to work out in their life. The Father can never say never as only God can say never. The weddings and receptions cost as bout $100. As everyone helps out.

[@janetslater129]

Interesting. What about those who are widowed? Are they allowed to date and re-marry?

[@kristine778]

Sensible order can bring beauty. One can only imagine how many unhappy marriages such would save from ever happening in the first place. Please do not add to or take from the statement - of course it is not exhaustive. For the person looking for a problem, save yourself needlesss ire. 😊

[@SantaFe19484]

Do the Amish believe that kissing and holding hands must wait until marriage?

[@Lost_AtSea_]

Fascinating! You should touch base on being single in the Amish community. I have seen older Amish men traveling alone on their buggies without a beard. Is this a common thing as well?

[@cm9859]

Very odd the Amish are so traditional in many ways, but yet "bundling" allows Amish to lay in bed at night clothed? As well, Amish teenagers have a year or two period for them to go out in the English world and explore it. Deciding if they want to stay Amish or not? I feel Amish really seem like a cult. Good people but some of their customs don't make sense. Many groups or offshoots too have changed ways in how they live and dress and using electricity and farming equipment? Why so strick in every aspect of daily living in Amish communities but also being allowed to change these rules too?

[@JosephTurcotte117]

Amish women look plain, so you're not supposed to find them attractive, or they may cause trouble in the community. The problem is that you can't make an attractive woman plain, and so, they can't control what problems they cause, and this is only furthered by the general plainness of the females among them. I feel that it becomes increasingly difficult for attractive females to remain in the community, and thus, Amish males are tempted by outside society by reason of their baser instincts, although not without reason. This presents a problem for the Amish community in general if they allow ANY experimentation, and has in reaction probably promoted general reactivity and thus tradition for several centuries now.

[@sticking202]

hello can i marry a amish woman

[@noahriding5780]

Mainstream communites in the US, particularly church communities should hear that part about how its frowned upon or should be to be dating many people at the same time. That's just common sense. But I've heard of people doing that a lot and it feels kind of shady.

[@Stache987]

So if the youth only date, do widows and widowers not remarry and have to raise the remaining children?

[@AmishAmerica]

The courting aspect is a lot more discreet - they might start a pen friendship. But Amish widows and widowers do remarry, it's not uncommon

[@pkodani72]

Amish woman are HOT 🔥 lol

[@joerudnik9290]

Trouble is, all men are wonderful before you marry them; or you wouldn’t MARRY them.

[@rodneyleon3645]

Look up the pronunciation of Indigenous.

[@debluetailfly]

endogamous

[@AmishAmerica]

endogamous [ en-dog-uh-muhs ] adjective of or relating to the practice of allowing marriage only within a specific tribe, caste, ethnic or religious group, or other social unit