An HFY Story : Never Trust a Human & We never thought they'd actually help | 1961

[@matthewklestinski7030]

1. Meet Humans. Casually sign "mutual defense treaty." 2. Face impending annihilation. 3. Break glass, press button, invoke mutual defense treaty with Humans. 4. Discover they meant it.

[@riverraven7359]

Probably had experimental weapons to test out sitting idle until the excuse came up...

[@generalharness8266]

I can also see the Humans going, we had this treaty why did you not call on us sooner?

[@jonathanbrightwell272]

@@generalharness8266 "Guys! Fighting wars, and putting together weirdly named swedish furniture with missing parts are the two things we do best. Y'all should have called us like two weeks ago."

[@user-lp3cf5yn5b]

​​@@generalharness8266 yep. "What the hell took you so long?"

[@Allantitan]

@@user-lp3cf5yn5band then there’s that one ship “sorry we’re late we made a wrong turn at Albuquerque” 😂

[@calvingreene90]

When someone sacrifices themself for you don't dishonor them by refusing to live.

[@taitano12]

With all the screaming aboard the Noodlian vessel, and Jessica's laughter, I really don't think she's dead. I wonder if she just took over the ship and is somehow involved with the Noodlians now. I can imagine her going home with the captured ship, rallying a few friends, and turning the tables on the whole Noodlian society. "Eh, that ain't piracy..." a few war crimes later "... Now THAT'S piracy."

[@Mad_Overseer]

It seemed that she was having a heated fight with the captain so perhaps shes dead

[@StarForgers]

The TRUE DANGER NOODLES!

[@sbritton1313]

Yeah, red hair green eyes... She's making a legend of humans there like how those with those features have here

[@RealArcalian]

they were from the planet ramen. noodles from the planet ramen. She had a meal.

[@GR3YD3ATH]

guessing she is the reason they are civilized now...

[@dockaos924]

As a retired maintenance engineer I can confirm that the hammer can fix a multitude of things 🔨😊

[@zuzax1656]

And when it doesn't, you get a larger hammer.

[@dockaos924]

@@zuzax1656 I had a good selection of hammers, I only kept my favourite hammer when I retired 🔨😊

[@GeorgeOrwell-yz6zx]

My uncle bought a small tractor from a neighbor than had been sitting for a couple years. It wouldn't start or even turn over. He pulled the head and repeatedly soaked the cylinders with break free and after a few days, he whacked the cylinders with a rubber mallet, reassembled and it started right up.

[@GeorgeOrwell-yz6zx]

@@dockaos924 when I was working as a building maintenance 'technician' I wanted a heavier hammer. Couldn't find exactly what I wanted at a cheap price so I got a 24 oz framing hammer with a waffled face and used my angle grinder to grind it smooth. Can't be leaving persuasion marks behind me lol

[@brentmartin6833]

Was that hammer for building Waffle Houses?

[@truefreeman5294]

Ah yes, An Australian engineer with a wrench in hand and pure determination is enough to cause the tables to turn

[@mattbrown5511]

I remember an incident between me and a steel fire door when I had a 1- & 1/4-inch wrench in hand. The door was never the same.

[@mstrfool]

As a NAVY engineer, I approve of this story. As for story 2.. The enemy of my friend is.. toast...

[@jonathanbrightwell272]

*guys joins his buddy for a beer.* "Hey Joe you hear those aliens we're friends with are getting beat up pretty bad?" "Really? Damn. Everyone going?" "Yeah. Hank already grabbed his shotgun and left. Bill has to take out the trash then he's gonna meet Hank there. Jim is dropping his kid off at baseball practice and then he'll ride with us. Whole thing should be over by six or six thirty." "I'll ask Barbara to get them a card and make them a casserole. Well let's go Ted."

[@willdavis3802]

@@jonathanbrightwell272 The casserole really sells this as being a chat in the midwest or southern US.

[@rshtg2019]

"Noodlians, out of the Ra'mun nebula" Ramen noodles

[@worldcomicsreview354]

>Human spaceship engineer. >Gives Scottish accent as an instinctive reaction.

[@imperialinquisitor510]

I AIN'T GOT THE POWER!

[@jonathanbrightwell272]

"Do you know how hard it is to get federation technology to work this bloody Cadri mess."

[@Grubnar]

Pirates disable a random ship, and dock with it, intent on boarding action. Instead they themself get boarded, by a Scottish engineer! Years later the entire race gives up on piracy and slavery! Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

[@novafoxindigo]

Except, from the vocab used, you can tell the engineer is Australian

[@shinybugg9156]

Scotty's early Australian-Scottish ancestor. She survived the encounter- taking over the pirate ship and tuening it into a profitable merchant vessel that no pirate dared to mess with.

[@Maddog3060]

The fact that the "Noodlian" (funny name, I keep thinking of a race of Flying Spaghetti Monsters) society did a 180 and became nice and peaceful makes me think Jessica made it out and either went to one of their planets and messed with them, or went home and told other humans who went out and messed with them. Not to mention as someone else observed, all the screams as she laughed her way onto the vessel means she was possibly tough enough to go and 'splain it to 'em. Do NOT taunt the atomic space monkeys/apes, for you are crunchy and delicious with the right sauce.

[@anjaturdiu3070]

Yeah

[@mattbrown5511]

You can eat anything if you have enough hot sauce. US Army MREs prove that point on a regular basis.

[@vexile1239]

I'm hungry

[@ravenouself4181]

@@mattbrown5511 *stares at the vomlet*

[@weirdredpanda]

I know I'm very late, but did you notice they were from the Ra'mun (ramen) Nebula?

[@Samagryn]

Me: "Huh, I wonder what kind of human this engie is...." "Well I ain't here to fuck spiders, am I?" Me: "Oh bless your hearts...."

[@thatkn1ghtguy942]

Had me at "naaaa....yeah"

[@lythrum2081]

the aussies...they're nutes and i love em for it.

[@Melanesian-dude]

Those insane bloody beautiful bastards

[@AnikaJarlsdottr]

an Aussie? and a hugger too? HUG YOUR HUMAN!!!

[@Gr3nadgr3gory]

On that second story, we would shown up regardless after seeing the situation you were in. Humans dont always need permission to help their allies in a fight.

[@lonelypancake5979]

I feel like as long as we can test a bunch of new shit we invented we will help anyone that needs it

[@goldengryphon]

@@lonelypancake5979 I think I finally figured out how to make the new BFG bigger. Anyone need something exploded?

[@Fusako8]

Could we get the nanoswarm to stop disassembling my socks?

[@AgroSquerril]

it out of my hands at this point

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

It’s true. I’ve been a loyal viewer and my socks keep getting disassembled big toe first

[@bananabreadguy7960]

Is this some kind of inside joke that I'm too new to understand?

[@omnigamer6671]

@@bananabreadguy7960 yes

[@brendamayfuller8803]

@@bananabreadguy7960 Part of the old intro was "Like and subscribe or nanites will eat your socks."

[@MidnightSmoke]

"never trust a human" those are some wise words there. Here is a like and comment to help your channel grow and get you the recognition you deserve.

[@kyriss12]

Reminds me of a similar story agro read from a while back where a xeno captain was remembered various instances where a human lied and sacrificed themselves. I think one held a reactor together with duck tape and played up human’s resistance to radiation, another took on an entire raiding crew, and then another cooked themselves fixing the life support.

[@kaduVIII]

Pack a australian engineer, a russian arms chief and a braziluan countermaister and your ship will be the Black hoje of ALL SHENANIGANS

[@rianmacdonald9454]

I think those 3 should be standard on all GU vessel.

[@mrguppys761]

I wish Jessica had shown up at the shipyard in control of the pirate ship

[@rianmacdonald9454]

Don't spoil part 2. lol

[@lonelypancake5979]

@@rianmacdonald9454no cap?

[@smaragdwolf1]

get an Australian on your Ship and you have something more fearsome than 90% of the Universe XD If it would have been a Floridian, they would be screwed ;P

[@TechxGuyxJames]

Which is deadlier: a Florida Man who decides the local gator and snake populations aren't deadly enough and moves to Australia or an Aussie that decides to become a Florida Man?

[@jordanrea2311]

@@TechxGuyxJames no now see here getting the two to mix is what brings an end to the galaxy

[@smaragdwolf1]

@@TechxGuyxJames i think the Aussie would be pretty bored in Florida... to tame. The biggest hassle would be the Hurricanes.This could lead him to create his personal dangers like importing Australian wildlife, which could endanger everyone around him. The Floridian would simply move into the Outback, mingling with the local Flora and Fauna. Maybe he will appear every few weeks/months in a Store to buy/sell stuff.... or his Skeleton will be found years later, next to a Campingsite.

[@krel7160]

@@smaragdwolf1 The Floridian goes into the outback, and Australia could've SWORN steve irwin died to a stingray and looked a little less.. scrawny, but it seems the guy's back with a vengeance, he's wrestling everything the desert's throwing at him! And then taking it as a pet! The mad man!

[@Deconstruction_Administrator]

@@smaragdwolf1 Depends on what state they're from. If they're from Queensland or the NT, then they'd be used to Cyclones, so a Hurricane wouldn't be too unusual.

[@ryanparrinello2272]

First story made me laugh. Second story made me smile. Love the narrations, and the hope for mankind. We need as much of that as we can get these days.

[@michaelodonoghue7464]

Human engineer probably took possession of unoccupied Noodlian Pirate craft

[@Chris-P.-Bacon-III]

it was in perfect condition, no less... of course the human commandeered the ship!

[@kayakMike1000]

Geeze... aliens get all bent out of shape when the find out humans need to digest a good amount of our food before we consume it. That's what baking, frying, fermenting, and cooking pretty much does.

[@thatkn1ghtguy942]

"IM NOT HERE TO FUCK SPIDERS" THE LANGUAGE OF MY PEOPLE

[@sysbofh]

That got me laughing. Truly a beauty. I'm keeping it. :D

[@GnarledStaff]

That first story was great! I don't even have words to describe it right now. Well done!

[@Metal_Icarus]

With all the AI narrating channels out there, this channel is a breath of fresh air! Subscribed.

[@RealArcalian]

Greetings Mentlegent For the Rhythm that is Algo Story 1: She....ate them. Yikes Story 2: Humans are sentimental.

[@JRRodriguez-nu7po]

First story had a beautiful twist at the end.

[@The_Natalist]

Ya know, what happened to the nanites? Are they still stealing socks?

[@krel7160]

They stole enough socks to gain the ability to replicate. You only thought the missing pair showed up in the wash. But oh no, no. The Nanites are in your walls now.

[@shadowwatcher5042]

@@krel7160 They're in the walls. They're in the gosh dang walls!!

[@elduquecaradura1468]

so the first story kinda started similar to the one that said that would never transport humans again (and is an hilarious story) with an aussie engineer called Jessica, but at the end it end up being a self reminder that her selfness saved them, at her cost probably to never repeat that same mistake he did letting her back, tear dropping :')

[@leexgx]

From the sounds of the screaming he probably killed everyone onboard and stole the ship (that would have been so funny 2 days later the human worked out how to activate the skip drive and jumped)

[@rurirotaru516]

I just started listening to this while doing chores around the house. What impressed me right away is they credited the original writer. Unlike so many others who are using A.I. who distort the voices to get past copyright. So they didn't have to credit the original creator.

[@petuniasevan]

Noodlians. Ram'un Nebula. Snicker.

[@zuzax1656]

Yeah, I got a chuckle out of that too.

[@worldcomicsreview354]

"This is Jessica McIntyre, am trapped aboard hostile alien vessel, can annyone hear me?" "We read you, we're coming to help, what assistance do you need?" "Just a little more salt"

[@saberdewsproductions6422]

First rule of human engineering....every thing is a hammer

[@kathleenhensley5951]

Wonderful science fiction! Masterfully done!

[@UnitedArmsOrganization]

Thank you for what you do, I appreciate it.

[@victortahlor4038]

Thank you for the reading

[@nightrunnerxm393]

I halfway expected to hear about the exploits of Dinner Squadron at some point during the first story...it was obviously written while the author was hungry.

[@Shadevar2010]

Oi, don't forget about Silly squadron.

[@Ryvaken]

@@Shadevar2010 "Consider yourselves humiliated." I am so glad someone else had that thought, too. You, sir, are a man of taste.

[@Nyet-Zdyes]

Noodlians... out of the Ra'mun nebula... ROTFLMAO!

[@theignitionmagician1376]

I think it's totally missed that the human is an Aussie

[@alexis1451]

"Noodlians, out of the Ra'mun nebula" -

[@seanrobert9661]

[documented contact]

[@danielleriley2796]

Did Jessica possibly take the enemy ship? You see those pirates are used to everyone cowering in fear. Typical bully behaviour. So when a human who doesn’t even know the ‘history’ they have sees it for the first time she doesn’t know that she is meant to be cowered so takes it at face value and says fuck it. Then does her thing… de-engineers the enemy. And hopefully takes their ship. A few bucks to split between the crew.

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, for the Author(s), for the Disembodied Voice!

[@FreakyAhhMissouri]

First, really enjoyed seeing this live, it was great.

[@jackreisewitz6632]

Love the 1st story every time I listen to it.

[@GnarledStaff]

I enjoyed the 2nd story as well.

[@RJStockton]

Huggers are the worst. Put it in an airlock. If the other humans want to know why you killed it, explain the hugging thing. We'll understand and thank you for your service.

[@lonelypancake5979]

As a hugger, I feel attacked

[@anonygent]

LOL. It's a female, though, so allowances must be made. If it was a guy, I'm with you on the airlock.

[@reclaimerbear6760]

A hugger? The lowest of the lowest lifeforms...

[@user-lp3cf5yn5b]

Eh, fuck it, if the hugger keeps my engines going it can hug me all day if it wants.

[@lumberjackofalltrades]

Loving the new logo

[@Maeshalanadae]

Imagine the combination of Roy Benevidez and Desmond Doss.

[@GuukanKitsune]

"Hi, guys! Why didn't you TELL us the party started? We had all the fireworks you ever needed and were just HOPING for a chance to pop them off! Next time you guys have a party, tell us right away, we'll make it a real perty, because if there's one things Humans know how to do, it's party hardy!"

[@klappstock943]

For the Algorithm the story and the voice

[@seldonwright4345]

Live stuffed toys! She has a closet full at home. This is more fun! Whee!

[@KinshinReaper]

I guess to most a defense treating is just a small nicety but for us, war is quite literally the father of our entire society, either trying to win it, recover from it, or prevent it. But give us a decent enough reason to be in one then we'll be there. lol

[@mattbrown5511]

Story 1) Not a "hugger". Ugh! Story 2) Humans: your best friend or your worst enemy. Let's hope you choose friendship.

[@RX782GP03]

Noodles from Ramen? Lunch time

[@BigDaddyBeige]

Love the perfectly accurate comment about monkeys lol

[@genericuser984]

neat

[@ashleycroydon9743]

Story 1 naw yea she'll be apples 💯🙋🏽‍♂️🇦🇺

[@Gr3nadgr3gory]

I guarentee you the noodlian ship is now under Human leadership.

[@theonetodefyall238]

keeper going

[@SergeyWaytov]

#2 exactly the thing Humanity will do

[@ToggBott]

Story one had an excessive amount of onion ninjas in attendance....i would respectfully request that onion ninjas be "Nerfed" in future stories.

[@npierce14]

5:17 aw I see what you did there noodlians (noodles) out of ra’mun (ramen) republic

[@edespiritu4531]

“Noodlians out of the Ra’mum nebula”-had to smile at that racial identification …

[@chriscomp20]

A hugger. Lmao

[@nothingbutchappy]

Why does the Australian engineer have Scottish accent...

[@thirstyserpent1079]

Noodlians from the Ramen Nebula :3

[@comet_0209]

I'm eating a chili dog rn. Just thought you would like to know

[@whotooed]

Was it good?

[@el3g3le]

A chili CHEESE dog.. right?

[@comet_0209]

@@el3g3le naw I was out of cheese

[@drmachinewerke1]

Human was getting a ship

[@Lumberjack_king]

8:38 i get its hard to understand us but she sacrificed herself for you

[@SpeargrassForge]

Why did jessica have a scottish accent, when she was clearly Australian? Exibit a) "yeah, nah". Exibit b) "I'm not here to f@ck spiders". Exibit c) "that one is built like a brick Sh!thouse". All Australianisms. Lol. To do an aussie accent try to talk like youre keeping flies out of your mouth, a bostonian accent where "er" becomes an "a sound" while trying to make each word as short as possible without moving your jaw

[@vadersfather1248]

The human is Aussie no doubt

[@WiredTurkey316]

For the algorithm

[@mogeking56]

Oh God save me from this

[@kerwinbrown4180]

I liked them

[@elfeater1760]

For the Algorithm11!

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

I am guessing because south Africans have so much tro7ble doing an Ozzie accent she became Scottish.

[@additiveartificer9365]

Chaos Theory smack

[@tankumaat]

ofc it is from reddit, not in good way sadly. Ohhhohohooo I wont even tell what is wrong or bad with this.

[@medicman4444]

😢 I'm set subscription to alert all but the tube still only showing all the awful advice narations instead of you 😢😢😢 and of course the first one it suggests is a year old hecking toob

[@Nacho.79]

That's the worst emphasis I've ever heard :-/

[@elmrjdhue6105]

Does every character doing a male dominated occupation have to be a woman? Pretending women and men act and think the exact same, is an insult to both.

[@elmrjdhue6105]

@Nad Senoj my issue is that roles such as engineers, physicists, soldiers, ship captains and explorers... are all overwhelming male dominated fields.

[@snake57]

Never heard of a “Boy Named Sue”?

[@soffren]

@@elmrjdhue6105 the assumption is that in the future these rolls remain male dominated in human space with females searching for roles on alien ships. In theory, after a few years, you'd see a majority of working humans on alien ships being female (with a likely parallel for aliens on human ships). Not saying it's perfect, but it has at least been explained in some HFY stories

[@xxXXRAPXXxx]

@@elmrjdhue6105 " are all overwhelming male dominated fields." It may be she was the 0.0001% or whatever (overwhelming does not mean no females are in those positions) or it may be typical (for today) western propaganda. Though there was no human males that ware totally inept so it can go either way. Or it was a small self insert of the person that wrote the story.

[@dynamicworlds1]

@@elmrjdhue6105 multiple of the fields you mentioned are only male-dominated because of discrimination driving women away or not giving them as good a chance to succeed in them. The problem is people like YOU.

[@sethsabres]

The Waffle House has found its new Host

[@caninelupus8369]

The Waffle House has found its new host.

[@reginaldbull4922]

Nice storys, second one is really giving hope. Hope for our own future. ❤

[@aretailcashier450]

The Waffle House Has Found Its New Host

[@chituongngo7747]

A shit it here too

[@caninelupus8369]

The Waffle House has found its new host.