An INSIDIOUS type of narcissistic BULLYING

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@_TheIlluminator_]

I think the worst type of narcissistic bullying is when they gaslight everyone into thinking that you’re the bully.

[@leighleigh8725]

EARTH IS SOOOOO COOL 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪💕

[@LisaSimplified]

Bingo.

[@monicawarren3678]

Yep,they make you in to the reason things are as they are and "why do you do it." Then why can't you just forget all that 😅 I'm a hermit now because I can't tell who is who and I'm so tired.

[@leighleigh8725]

@@monicawarren3678 THEY ARE SOOOOOO POWERFUL 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪NO ONE STOPS A SAVAGE MISERABLE JEALOUS ABUSER 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

[@leighleigh8725]

@@monicawarren3678 NO ONE SAYS NO TO MOLESTED DOUG 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

[@MT-tx7bu]

The intrusive questions, snide comments, triangulation, victimizing themselves, raging, gaslighting, no accountability, silent treatments. The list goes on and on.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

False accusations of having affairs.

[@Lilrumbles]

Remember this whatever they accuse you of is exactly what they are doing to you whatever they tell of other people about you whatever rumors they spread or what they are doing to you​@@melisentiapheiffer3034

[@JohnShalamskas]

@@melisentiapheiffer3034 While they are having affairs themselves. Accusing others of misdeeds which they are doing.

[@sacredwaters9]

​@@melisentiapheiffer3034I grew up with both my parents doing this except they both were doing it. Gross

[@sacredwaters9]

​@@JohnShalamskasyep, it's gross

[@narcissistsandchildcustody333]

My ex husband was not just a bully but family terrorist. They are psychopaths

[@willieboy8798]

that is an interesting perspective "family terrorisr" im wondering what his basis was...

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

Indeed they are.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

Terrorism happens in our own homes. It's bewildering because it was someone who we trusted.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

When you're with a malignant narcissist, you begin to realize it's terrorism.

[@willieboy8798]

@@melisentiapheiffer3034 i said interesting perspective NOT what the hell you talking about... terrorism textbook ...group A does something to group B to get group C to react to group B for group A. psychology minor! jesus tried to flood the earth for a reason human are not trust worthy! yes tried it dried didnt it!!!

[@jessicaselenecenteno]

Wow. Humiliation, coercion and intimidation. Due to an imbalance of power. What a coward.

[@alimccreery755]

Perfectly said 👍

[@libertycan6959]

​@@alimccreery755Perfectly

[@davevenables3534]

In my experience, and I am experiencing this as we speak, that power dynamic is real. I am not in a position of management, yet a manager at work has taken a dislike of me. I can read the situation very well, but those around me are not familiar with the concepts of narcissism in the workplace, or in life in general. I am. Narcissists get themselves into positions of power in the workplace, supervisors, managers, but do not generally raise above this position. ( Lower levels of rank in police forces or military and that in lower levels of nursing, care homes, are other examples).

[@alimccreery755]

@@davevenables3534 I understand what you’re saying as I’ve also been there. Fortunately not with every supervisor and also with a few leads as well. I managed to friend a lead from a different team who told me after I explained what was happening to me that I was being used as a diversion. I knew something wasn’t right and when she used that term it all made sense. These people seem to all work off of the same script so I just pay attention when I’m socializing to who I need to stay away from.

[@davevenables3534]

@@alimccreery755 the diversion= triangulation?

[@maryhall1181]

Deeply entitled, lacking empathy, antagonistic, emotionally stunned, supply seeking, controlling, narcisistic, power seeking, insecure.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Yep... Uggg

[@tinyvr7036]

Exactly. Pathologically jralous, too. But that also includes insecure. Might be the motivation but it's still pathological. Imo

[@liambraithewaite6415]

Workplaces havent done much to improve bullying either

[@josereyes1148]

I made mistakes at my job like 15 years ago. I was a good employee in some ways but in other ways I was a bad employee when it came to one issue. This one guy made it his mission to humiliate me and talk smack to me. I hardly knew his name and yet he was always obsessed with what I was doing. When I finally started calling him, out he acted like I was the insane one and me talking to him was out of the blue and he didnt like it. I realized it was because everyone thought he was a shitty employee. So if he found someone who he could point the finger at, he did. I think it made him feel better about himself, so he stuck his nose in people's business. Idk why but your comment just triggered a memory in me about workplaces doing nothing about it.

[@Bellasie1]

@@josereyes1148 I'm just there right now with my boss. Thank you for your comment, helping others to understand what's going on in such cases. One thing I came to notice is how little self-esteem these stupid bullies have. They feel threatened by anyone with anything better than them, and can't help but focus on your flaws to feel better (or make them up if needed). I don't believe you were a bad employee, but made to feel like a bad employee.

[@josereyes1148]

@@Bellasie1 Thank you. Just stay strong. It 100% is that your boss is insecure about something about them. Knowing this helps a little. Hopefully your situation will get better for you.

[@katjongeward7155]

or schools.

[@Bellasie1]

The corporate world loves these bullies for several reasons. Because corporations have no time for substance, they easily fall for cockiness, being unable to tell self-assurance from arrogance. When aware they deal with a bully, they know that person will spy and gossip on other employees and that, being mean and self-serving they will also report against fellow employees without hesitation to their boss if need be. So corporations favor them. Bullies tend to be full of shxt, so they're generally no real threat to the ones recruiting them either (contrary to genuinely good employees). A last reason is that, as they tend to get ahead in corporations, bullies would often be the ones who recruit and favor those they recognize as their kin.

[@user-qv9nw1dq2f]

Bullying in a family is absolutely devastating. When you would rather stay at school as long as possible and dread weekends and holidays, your life is a nightmare. And then you marry another bully who is a narcissist and you are 18. Then you get divorced and fall prey to another bully, this time a covert narcissist and from here you are targeted by a mega bully a malignant narcissist and when the pain is unbearable you wake up and say NO MORE! Thank you dr Ramani ❤ God bless you ❤

[@katrinestorebo]

A fresh start! 🌟 ❤

[@carolgonzales4262]

6 yrs free...after 50 yrs.❤

[@TheKrispyfort]

When did I write this? 😅

[@user-el5ex9yb5r]

You are not alone, not the only one!

[@flightmama3191]

❤🎉❤ MAGNIFICENT GRATITUDE BEAUTIFUL SOUL U FINALLY GOT AWAY 🎉🎉🎉I am on two months gone and he's so immature, I am grateful 4 cell phones and silent buttons❤BEST OF LUCK BEAUTIFUL SOUL 🎉❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉❤

[@ChronicallyTT]

As a young millennial/gen z cusper, it’s insane to me the hypocrisy in my childhood. They taught us until they were blue in the face about bullying and how horrible it was. But nobody took into account the adult bullies that were the ones who terrorized my childhood.

[@SherryTomlinson-mk7gm]

Some kids learn from their bully parent to also be a bully. 😢

[@emmsue1053]

Excellent comment.

[@Arkynkili]

Exactly. And when any of that shows itself in us as a learned behavior, they cry foul and say we're the bully, when in reality it's a direct reflection of what they did or said to us. Not saying we're right in displaying the same crap they did. Just that it's totally hypocritical when they don't like seeing themselves displayed back to them. It's on us to unlearn that and not continue the cycle.

[@TheKrispyfort]

I remembered my childhood, so I remembered that teachers can be absolute bullies and would stand up for my kids accordingly.

[@mattmarrin8457]

Sadly adult bullies exist more than kid bullies. If a bully in school. His "parents" are much worse. Where do you think they learn, get it from.

[@user-tn8fu1gx3v]

Bullying in nursing is rife. I see brand new nurses leave time and time again all because of bullying. Other nurses, patients, and other disciplines get to abuse nurses with no repercussions, yet people are confused about the shortage. It has become absurd.

[@susanpressley2781]

Yeah, I lived that life too. When I first was a nurse, I was not that experienced and could be unsure a lot of times. That made me a target with one nurse in particular who felt it was her right to bully me. I finally had enough of it for a year and decided to have a conversation with her about her rotten attitude towards me. Interestingly, the outcome was she was in tears and I felt closure to her crap. We worked together for a while, then she went into other pastures aka surgery to bully those nurses there…

[@user-tn8fu1gx3v]

@susanpressley2781 its absolutely absurd ...I've been a nurse for over 30 yrs and the behavior has deteriorated to disgusting levels. I believe the hospitals encourage it as it keeps nurse fighting with each other and not them. Good for you speaking with your bully....didnt go so well for me...I was set up and fired 2 weeks after the conversation.

[@susanpressley2781]

@@user-tn8fu1gx3voh my I hate that you we’re fired! I was working the weekend shift and stuck with her. She was charge nurse and I figured I was gonna get fired but I was gonna stand up for myself too. I’ve NEVER done that before, always walked all over. But I took a chance and it paid off that time. I’ve been bullied all my life. It felt good to stand up for once.

[@user-tn8fu1gx3v]

@susanpressley2781 I complained to a narc manager about a narc charge nurse they were friends and set out to destroy me in addition to many other unfavored nurses. I was unaware about narcissistic behavior back then and assumed the chain of command would work...lol. That NICU lost 100 nurses in 2 years because of the abuse, including physical abuse and death threats. Its was so absurd that NOBODY would believe the small group of vocal " complainers." It was a horrific time for those involved.

[@susanpressley2781]

@@user-tn8fu1gx3vgood heavens! Well, consider it a blessing you were fired and didn’t continue there. I stayed on my floor for 21 years, but got a new narc manager. She was a covert bully. I was like, no, I’m too old for this and retired. Glad I did!

[@IanM-id8or]

My first - and most pervasive - experience with bullying was at home. The perpetrator was my sister. Her bullying was brutally physical, as well as verbal and emotional. I asked her on two different occasions why she did it. The first time she said, "Because you were BORN!!" This was, I believe, the most honest thing she ever said. The second time, she said "Dad abuses me. I abuse you. YOU abuse Mum." Actually, Dad abused everybody. Maxine abused everybody. Mum used me as a human shield against Maxine. I eventually went full no-contact with her in 1994. She stalked me incessantly for the next 15 years. Since then, she only stalks me occasionally - I last saw her at my door in 2021. The police, of course, refused to do anything more than humiliate me because I'm male, and it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to assault a man

[@EH23831]

Sending you love and strength from a random internet stranger 💪🏻♥️

[@NTHodges]

Feel you 100%

[@Ziegut]

When I started setting boundaries with my bullying Narc family, they claimed I was “bullying” them.

[@MaggieFreespirit]

I hear you. When I would call out my mother for mean things she would say, I'd get "why are you being so mean to me?" I'd say: you were just mean to me by saying (fill in what she said). Response from her: You're just being mean.They'll never admit their bullying.

[@l.5832]

My bullying mother used to call herself a 'disciplinarian' thereby gaining people's approval and respect.

[@lindabuonline]

So true. Mine too.

[@jane5821]

She roped dad into it, too. Though he was an enthusiastic participant. Wait till your father comes home. I still skip dinner at age 62.

[@CP-pe9ul]

Same here !

[@dreamscape405]

Me too❤

[@yuu_miran]

Bullinarian

[@RadmanGarrett]

At my high school there was a "zero tolerance" policy, which basically means the bully can push and push as much as they want, until the bullied kid finally stands up to them, then both get suspended equally. It basically just benefitted the bully kids

[@maralfniqle5092]

That is still the case, schools do nothing to discipline the actual bully

[@beverlypawsat6529]

So true, I actually put your explanation in my phone, it sums it up succinctly.

[@kharper506]

RadmanGarrertt Interesting - I did not consider that idea in “ zero tolerance” - 🤔 You bring up a good point that the zero tolerance needs to understand the psychological abuse is abuse. That gets tricky as often teachers are not aware of all the dynamics involved. And often school systems are designed for reform rather than teaching. My situation was public school ( In the 70’s the teachers were at a loss as to how to handle it. )By high school it was more dealing with psychological social terrorism. I handled it well because I grew up around a social terrorists . I focused on my studies. That said even as a girl a bully called me out to meet for a fight after school. I managed to talk her down and save her face. Bullies do not respect authority and they did not care. In my case id public school they also ran in packs like wolves so it was difficult to suspend all of them. And they intimidated the teachers. One teacher was so fed up he reacted one day and it almost cost him his job. I have heard other stories where the bully sues the school when a teacher stands up to them. Bullies are cut from some cloth or apples don’t fall far from the tree. Bullies make it appear that if they target one kid - it can seem like it is the kid’s fault. This has become a very serious situation with the bullied kids feeling powerless and reacting with over the top violence - hence “ zero tolerance “ policy became necessary but as you mention made it worse 😳 Bullies are master manipulators so they can flip victim into suspect. That is a really valid point 👍 You are not alone. I was fortune in the sense that I got away from the one school and landed with teachers who understood me. I was fortunate that I did not lose my love of learning. And that can be the tragic part of abuse. I found a way to believe in myself. However the psychological conditioning sets up a target for other types of bullying. My heart goes out to you. A reaction to abuse is not abuse.💔❣️ I hope you continue to understand you are not like them. A bullies are weak cowards.🫶 Yeah I hear you the head trip is how it becomes a he said he said - it is infuriating. It is no wonder that targets end up with psychological problems. It is a miracle that we survived and we had “ normal lives”. I was on top of this and my own children went to a smaller school and I leaned into monitoring any potential problems. However I could not be there all the time so I suspect some stuff happened. Thank you for sharing your POV . With awareness there can be more information shared and insights help level the playing fields - because bullies certainly do not play or fight fair 🫶

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

And they do not stop so you have to react. What a crock of sh- So disingenuous of the professionals involved

[@thehappyhound770]

Emotional blackmail is also a form of bullying. I think that's how vulnerable narcissists bully. Find the nicest person you can and guilt them into submission.

[@elipotter369]

I agree. Because I'm pleasant & cooperative & get a bit passionate & emotional, people think they can push me around. But at a deeper level, I am made of steel & they always push me too far & I leave the relationship. I just blocked someone I'm involved with in a committee because she pushed it too far at her nasty games. I'm kind of glad she did, because now I can have a more peaceful time without having to navigate a relationship with a very manipulative person who simply uses & abuses me. I don't feel guilty or worried about cutting her out, & if I need excuses or reason, I can just point at the latest nasty threat, twisting & denial - she's so brazen, she put her manipulations in writing & copied it to the group.

[@eileendonald8628]

My mom.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

I have been through an episode recently of family mobbing that required me to withdraw for my survival. I have never been through anything so annihilating, but I survived it.

[@monicawarren3678]

I've always felt that I have no protective ally except me. That's why I fall for these narcissist guys who come on as heroes but in the end it's just another bully I've invited in to my life..

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

❤❤❤❤ to both of you.

[@denisesatt7044]

I hear you! It's tough but just continue to be the good person you know you are

[@neelubird]

Similar thing happened to me a couple of years ago. Mobbing from my extended family and it was quite devastating but I don't regret the fact that I see their true colours now. There's one cousin who isn't like that and his family treat him like the scapegoat, like everything is fine in the family except that person who avoids talking to them. I'm thinking I don't blame him for avoiding them, the poor bloke must find it so hard having to live under the same roof as them. He's a man of few words so we don't talk much but I respect him for not playing along with their games.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Well done you. They were going to up the stakes always- only I never knew. I hope you get to this part at least 2 decades before me.

[@bethocdunwitty6641]

My GRANDMOTHER was a bully to my brother and I. He was only 11 when he finally couldn't take it anymore. Triggered one day, he kicked and kicked and kicked her screaming, "I HATE you, I HATE you, I HATE you!" My mom was shocked but you know what? She straightened up her act and never verbally abused us ever again. She was 72

[@Sea_Smoke]

Deserved

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

How sad your mom treated you and your family like that. 💔

[@mariehughey5390]

My very first experience with bullying was when my younger sister (by1year) announced to me alone that she could beat me up. I thought it was a strange thing for her to say as I had not known why she would even want to beat me up. Our father had told us early in grade school to never start a fight. But if someone started a fight with us to finish it. So I told her she could not beat me up. Over and over she insisted she could. I pushed her down. She shut up and never mentioned it again. Fast forward 40 years, she’s the narc that turned my whole family into her cult and I feel like she finally beat me up. I’m out. But after years of heartache I understand and am healing. Thanks to channels like this.

[@stevec404]

Thank you for clearing up a sad circumstance I had recently with a friend of many decades. We had always enjoyed each others' company during short visits and day trips. Then, on a recent extended weekend to an out of state historic area...my friend turned into a version of the demon side of Jekyll and Hyde. I have gone over the putdowns and rudeness many times in my mind. Manipulative, nasty, impatient, insufferable. Now I know that I was being bullied. I could not speak even half a sentence without being scorned. In my state of shock, I let it all slide by and simply stopped talking altogether. In hindsight, there had been a few isolated outbursts in the recent past that seemed out of charachter, and were easy to 'excuse'. The depth of vitriol and meanness here was inexcusable. Yes, I am the 'weaker': polite, considerate, and understanding. Weaker in my ex friends eyes, not in mine. I emailed my full sad experience of that weekend; gave chance for constructive response and waited. Nothing. I have since removed my former friend from all forms of contact. That bridge is no more.

[@amandagish5976]

I had to get rid of a 'friend ' too. Treated me like I was pure stupid. Sad for her, I wasn't.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Freedom

[@onemanstrash8233]

Dr. R, it’s not at all hard to believe in the family system as bullies. I lived that one. My dad molested me and when I was 6 (my first remembrance) he said “Don’t tell anyone…. Wait.. you can tell anyone you want… nobody will ever believe YOU!” Yep… and he started making me the family liar… the family problem and the scapegoat for every issue in the family. It only ended when I walked away about 10 yrs ago. I lost my inheritance…. But no matter… they took back anything they ever gave me anyway so it’s no big deal. The things they did to me even shock me as an old woman now.

[@CS-iv8tk]

Horrible…I am so sorry this was your life😢

[@Lilrumbles]

Sickening yeah he had to make you the family liar in the event you started broadcasting that’s criminal. I’m sorry.

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

"Betrayal cuts deep, and there are always co-conspirators." - might be from Ramani, I can't remember. The only thing more wretched to me than child abuse is knowing how often there are multiple bystanders. That parent died nearly a year ago. I sleep a little better every night. To better days and more peaceful nights 🥂

[@SerendipitySunshine]

I'm so sorry these things happened to you. I'm super glad you made it out.

[@Julie-ti5yv]

I was branded a Liar by dual narc parents and also the scapegoat for my wholly messed up family. Your dad's words, echo what a doctor said prior to molesting me. I had fractured bones in my foot and my narc mother refused to take me to the medical clinic 2 doors away. Where my dad worked. I hobbled to school, etc. in pain for 10 days--then, upon returning home from school one day, mother snapped I was to go next door to the clinic. SOLO! The doctor wanted to know what took so long and I relayed how I had told her repeatedly about the situation, but she thought I was lying. He then asked "Do they think you ALWAYS lie???" Ended up with a cast to my knee (not a walking cast) and crutches. My mother had to pick me up and upon doing so, I was in the lobby post-appointment and crying. I said "I told you it was broken" and her nasty reply was "I suppose I will have to hear about this the rest of my life." No special accommodations were provided for bathing, walking to school, etc. Was sent ALONE to same doctor for cast removal. Later down the road at age 18, my dad got me a Housekeeping job and I got to clean this man's toilet 5 days a week.

[@brwinter1]

This gives me insight into navigating the bullies in my 55+ community.

[@luvyatubers]

Lots of bullying in retirement communities to residents by residents. It's gross

[@khaily6645]

Are you kidding me!!! People suck

[@wildhorses6817]

Also, HOA's . New laws are needed to protect owners.

[@katjongeward7155]

@@luvyatubers I never knew this! will have to rethink my retirement ideas.

[@MsWing-ij9nb]

​​@@luvyatubers Even in non-retirement communities, too. I unfortunately got sucked into the toxic vortex a former neighbor who was an overly "friendly", covert narc and turned out to be a two faced gossiping, pseudo-stalking, energy vampire. But now she has moved far far away...I truly thank the cosmos for this, and do not take my newly found peace for granted. Pls learn from my tale- take it very slow getting to know ppl even neighbors - vet their character to gage who is trustworthy, honest and emotionally stable.

[@user-zh5fh2li9u]

The "TRUTH teller"/Scapegoat may get targeted, demonized, and mobbed ! There may be psychological and financial abuse that occurs simultanously! This may occur in the family, landlord/tenant/tenant situation, employment scenario, and other situations ! It has happened to me ! Thank you Dr. Ramani !

[@user-zs7xh6ot4u]

In grade school, one girl was bullied mercilessly by this boy. One day, at recess, he was kicking a soccer ball at her - getting as close as he could without actually hitting her and she finally had enough. She took off her watch and handed it to her friend, walked over and punched the boy in the face and he dropped like a sack of potatoes. He had a black eye, both got detention for a month and she was never targeted again. I can't say I recommend violence, but she had been bullied for months and the school never intervened (early 80s, still the wild west). I remember just standing there in shock, because it had not occurred to me until then that you could fight back.

[@bjrgstre-mauger5398]

This happened to me frequently as we moved countries 3 times before I was 14...always the outsider until one day I snapped. Something just happens inside of you after months and years of bullying

[@amycimaglia913]

That was me

[@catalinafirefly4685]

My parents loved ignoring me as an adult as they enjoyed convo's with my brothers GF's. I had a career, family and no criminal record but was looked-down on compared to my jailbird alcoholic brothers.

[@Lilrumbles]

Bullies and narcissist are all about feeling superior they could feel superior or over your brothers. They have to be dismissive and disrespectful to you to prop up their house of cards.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

They might like some attention yet, like lots- when they become frail and needing physical help. Be careful-

[@jerseypooh4664]

Bullied at school, in the family, college, uni, work, partners, so called friends so hard to escape them all. I’m a narc magnet but now I’m done. Enough is enough.

[@jeanetteredden24]

jersey pool: me too. A Narc magnet, I used to wonder if I had a 🎯 on my forehead.

[@narcicide8814]

Same here, It's time.

[@nanabear2.026]

I'm writing out a request for an emergency order for financial protection and to be left the hell alone. I'm writing out the things he was saying and doing and I'm floored by how much of a sociopath he sounds like on paper. But I continue to gaslight MYSELF, saying things to myself like "well that's not really how he meant it" or "he just doesn't understand what he's doing"...I've been with this person since I was 15 and I'm now 50....it's scary how deeply imbedded this person is in my psyche after 35 years.

[@susanmercurio1060]

Yes, we learn to "give them a second chance" and make excuses for them.

[@carriemccurley-th8gn]

Dr. Ramani, you are doing God's work here. If we could all come together and get the bullies out, the world would be a better place. Maybe, we can get Mica's Law passed nationwide against coercive control that will be a start. Thank you for being a light in this dark world. 💜💜💜

[@wildhorses6817]

And, please don't vote for a BULLY running for President / DICTATOR..

[@csfiskus610]

Never met a narcissist that didn't bully in some form or another. There was one who seemed proud of herself for isolating a colleague from the rest of her team before getting her fired all because she thought she wasn't "cool enough" to fit in with the rest of the team

[@dreamscape405]

My mother was my first bully, and the things she would do to me, as a child, were so disgusting and cruel. I'm the only child, scapegoat, and she made a significant income back then, so we had a big house, brand new sports cars, I went to a private school...so everything on the outside looked "normal", or "good". In fact, my family supported her harshness with me, because she painted me out to be the "bad guy", even though I was only 5 yrs old. They believed her smear campaign, and they eventually disowned me when I was 15. She sent me to live with my father, in a different state, and I ended up moving out/empancipated when I was 16. Although it was a good thing I was removed from that family, by their own actions, but it was still pretty devastating at the time. I'm 51 now, and still struggle to connect with people. I have one really good friend, which I'm SO THANKFUL for, and she's the BEST. I know I'm privileged to have her, FINALLY after ALL these yrs. But those early days of my life still haunt me, to this day. I had several bullies in school too, but I ended up standing up to them, so they stopped...something I couldn't do in my family, or I'd have HELL TO PAY for it. Your channel has been instrumental in my healing path, and I'll be forever grateful for you, and you work, Dr. Ramani ❤🥂💃

[@susanmercurio1060]

Your life sounds similar to mine. My mother gaslighted me from my earliest years. She tried to get everyone in the family to see me the way she did. P.S. I ran away for the last time when I was 15, the authorities got involved, and I was removed from her custody.

[@MaryB-tx2xq]

My mother started bullying me when I became of an age when I started to doubt what she said about my father, saying she was a victim. As a result she felt out of control and told everyone in her family (I was the only child and my father had no family) how awful I was. I used to wet myself and that led to more bullying and invalidation

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Rotten to the core. I used to wet myself too. It’s why living with this is like living in a warzone.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Rotten, rotten bully. Compassion to you and all you have gone through. I hope your life is good now.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Your mother was evil. I am surprised how people I know go amount examining a life story and do not accept what they hear. For eg. Joan Crawford.,. Well written on. Another aunt comes out with a book saying the opposite and i have mental health trained people accepting this narrative. It is so horrible and so invalidating. I highly recommend a book called What my Bones Know. A woman an only child abused by her mother wrote it. The audible version has transcripts of sessions with her therapist Jacob Ham. Blessings and healings you. You will always have scars, do your best not to pick them xx

[@jonathanuniverse9302]

As the scapegoat child in a cult-like narcissistic family, I was bullied by my entire family. I was gaslit to believe that I wasn't treated any differently from anyone else. Nearly every day was chaos and trauma filled. I am still in the process of "un-gaslighting" myself from going through my adult life thinking "it wasn't actually that bad", "maybe I WAS the problem in the family", "why can't i get over it?", etc.... Thank you Dr Ramani for another great video

[@NarcSurvivor]

Studies show that bullies are actually at a 10-25x more risk of developing a psychiatric condition than their own victims. As well as an increased risk of developing relationship and job issues, anxiety and depressive disorders, substance misuse and so much more. Narcissism is self-destructive.

[@t_nels]

Informative

[@l.5832]

Yes, but because they are so self serving and ambitious, by that time they have gotten a great deal of authority and money and power. They are in leadership positions while having these disorders and then we wonder what is wrong with the 'system'.

[@really5453]

Then why are so many psychopaths in CEO positions? Your logic makes no sense

[@americawaters4257]

Being a CEO doesn't mean a person isn't struggling with issues.

[@monicawarren3678]

I have CPTSD. The war of growing up caused 🎉

[@29Janice]

My dad was the narcissist. I'm the oldest of 3 siblings. I was the scapegoat. My younger sibling turned into the narcissist and she bullied me. She never got into trouble because she was the middle child. Please don't always think that the oldest child bullies. I was the scapegoat of the family and learned to question why in the world that I was born. I got bullied in school. I then grew up to marry 2 different narcs. The first one almost killed me. I tried to committ suicide at least 7 times until I learned about my abuse. Now (at age 71) I am learning how to value myself.

[@lolo9553ify]

I believe you. I was the oldest too and from a young age, I was a nice kid but I spoke up against things that weren't fair. I didn't know this would put a target on my back regarding my two communal narcissistic parents. I was shredded in words and actions. At some point in my adulthood, I thought we had all evolved but when a crisis hit, they fell back into scapegoating. I got run down by what had become a mob. I finally saw it and realized it was never getting better and was done. I left and went no contact. I was in danger with them. I made a good decision when I left and do not regret doing it. I wish you happiness and good fortune!

[@29Janice]

@@lolo9553ify I spoke up about the unfairness, too. You made a great decision in leaving your narcissist family. Luckily, my parents and sisters moved over 100 miles away. My exes live thousands of miles away. I don't miss them at all. Thank you for the wishes! I wish the same for you. 😄

[@carolynkepler2826]

My mother and oldest brother ganged up on me. I was imprisoned by her until she died 12 yrs ago. I went no contact with my brother back then.

[@MsWing-ij9nb]

Yup, this was my toxic family system I grew up in. I remember in second grade, for part of the school year, i became selectively mute...did not speak with classmates, teachers, had no friends. I did not break away from the family until 35...it took me decades to realize and finally identify my narc mother was a bully and everyone else going along with the mobbing (via text, meals, etc). Low contact wasnt enough as it still contributed to chronic hypervigilence, anxiety and depression. Since going no contact, I feel more balanced emotionally, able to be authentic, engage in healthy relationships ... I am grateful for Dr. ramani, and all the moral support i have from friends. I would still be a shell of a person or worse if I had not chosen to go no contact in order to focus on personal growth /recovery in my mid-thirties. Better late than never...strength and courage to all watching this video! 🙏❤

[@mimap275]

Just my story I've been no contact 10 days with my mother, feels like heaven 🎉🎉

[@JanieLacy]

Thank you for educating us to keep us aware and to protect our mental health. 🙏🏽

[@donovangray4246]

This bullying thing is definitely getting out of hand in some school districts. In Oklahoma a young person who was in the 7th grade and and identified themselves a nonbinary person, got beaten so badly in the girl's bathroom by 4 other girls who beat their head against the concrete floor. She died of her injuries and the girls did not get punished, the school took no responsibility and the Principal of the school said that they did not want that kind of filth in Oklahoma. The child was in the 7th grade and died from bullying because they were different and now they are dead and the world blames the child for their own death. This is the world we live in. I am disgusted with these types of people. Everyone deserves to live, who made them GOD?!

[@michelegray5970]

Was the non binary child a biological male?

[@flipdiva0007]

What a horrific story. Omg!!!

[@The_Viking_Highlander]

I always find myself nodding frantically and saying 'oh yes' constantly, then end up crying when Dr Raani is speaking. I'm 50 and you've just described my entire life. I had the same night terrors and bed wetting until adolescence. After over 10 years of essential non-contact, I tried to explain how I had felt all my life to my mum (narcisstic enabler), but even now at 67 she's still in denial. I lost the last ounce of love that I had left for her. It was terribly upsetting, but I know it's for the best. Thanks for always making me feel that I'm not alone Dr Ramani.

[@monicawarren3678]

Me too,just to hear my suffering through her,it's therapy.

[@The_Viking_Highlander]

@@monicawarren3678 Absolutely

[@MaggieFreespirit]

A friend told me: you wouldn't go to the hardware store and ask for a loaf of bread. They don't have it to give you. Why go back to your family when they have nothing to give you? Same with my mother. It cycles, but most of the time I'm glad I'm no contact. It cycles back to wanting to contact her, then after a week or so I realize there's no point.

[@The_Viking_Highlander]

@@MaggieFreespirit Yeah,very good advice. It's tough isn't it because, I don't know about you, but I have always had hope that she'll realise and apologise and love me like I always wanted. But you're absolutely right. If it's not happened over 50 years, it's not going to is it? She spent her life from the age of 16 pacifying a narcissist and became a terrible bully herself and sacrificed her own children hor him. It's still shocking to me. I just don't understand. It's so frustrating.

[@jackiep5009]

This is when I started to realize there was a problem in my relationship and it stemmed from his FAMILY. The brother’s youngest child always HURT his playmates. Throwing the basketball in the child’s face and kicking his cousin in the mouth - she was bleeding! It was always an “accident” and everyone just SAT there! I fled. Gross nope!

[@usernane3652]

I was considered the golden child but my older sister was allowed to bully me on a daily basis and my narc mom did nothing. I still haven't found an explanation to that.

[@loloworld593]

Your mom didn't do anything about it because she liked the chaos. The triangulation was happening on its own with your sister bullying you herself. Your mom's work was done for her and she didn't have to try to create more chaos.

[@usernane3652]

@@loloworld593 thanks for the answer, many scapegoats really cannot believe my story, because of course they assume the golden child is sheltered and protected from all the rest of the family. Maybe I still can't make sense of it, but it surely proves my mother is and always was very sick.

[@dianaschramer5065]

I was my dad's golden child, which made me my mom's scapegoat. The more he praised and supported me, the worse she treated me. Perhaps that's what was happening in your situation, except your sister was doing your mother's dirty work.

[@thirstonhowellthebird]

I actually bet you were not the golden child. I bet they just told you that so that you would think you were the golden child and therefore would not complain or understand about the things that were lacking in your childhood. Those families are tricky. They can convince the abused that they were loved and that they were not in anyway abused. It’s the worst kind of gaslighting.

[@dianaschramer5065]

@thirstonhowellthebird I wasn't told that I was the golden child. That's how my dad treated me, whatever his motivations were for doing so. And I did complain and speak against the scapegoating, which only made me more of a target.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I have been bullied a lot by family, boyfriends, coworkers and friends. I too wet my bed growing up, I struggle now with social anxiety, insecurities, fears, feeling like I don’t fit in, that it’s my fault, that I am not cool, not pretty, not good enough, not capable, isolating, etc…So tired of having to think about how to safely be around the bullying family members to protect myself. I’d rather not be around them than live in fear. I totally feel rejected, coercively controlled and scapegoated by them. Focusing on seeing truths and on my well being. Taking myself back. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤.

[@jeanetteredden24]

costelloandlizzie: ditto for me. I'm 73 & went no contact w 2 narcissistic mean siblings when I was about 5 years ago. Best thing I ever did.

[@goldalevin869]

This is so true. My mother was the family bully. She not only bullied my father but me as well. There was also sexual abuse and bodily exposure she did. Had I known how happy I'd be now that she's gone, I may have blocked her for longer periods of time. I hope that bully in school got his comeuppance. I went to my 40th classroom reunion, and the bullies and cool kids had all become big nothings. Yay.

[@sandi2490]

My sister broke my fish tank as a teenager, and I find items broken in my home after she leaves. It’s so frustrating! So, I went no contact. Her drama never ends! Peace to all who struggle with these people!!!

[@nyxcin1]

The first minute described my father. My siblings and I grew up in a military family, so regardless of what base my father was assigned to, the only constant in our formative years was family dynamics, or in this case, dysfunction. I didn't realize our upbringing wasn't normal until I was much older and I moved away and saw how other people acted and reacted to situations. Lots of self questioning, some (not nearly enough) therapy. Until about 4 years ago, I'd never applied the narcissistic lens to myself and my family. My father plowed the ground and planted the seeds, in me at least, of accepting people stepping all over me because I believed anything I thought or felt was always 'less than' everyone else. I think I even invited that kind of treatment because at least someone acknowledged I existed. Dr. Ramani has helped me gain insight to myself and my narcissistic family members. Thank you.

[@deborahgale]

I fled although I kept in contact for my younger siblings and Father. Not once has any of my family acknowledged my degree or post grad (first and only one to do tertiary studies). I wasn't told about my father's illness quickening until they thought he had only a week to live. He and I had a connection the others were covetous of. When I discovered through my mother's line that we were closely related to most royal families but that memory had been lost over the last 200 years....no one wanted to know...because I had discovered the fact. I competed in Equestrian at state, national and international levels and once again, no acknowledgement. Any other of my 8 siblings can drive a beaten-up car around a local derby track and they get the pictures up and all the jazz. My youngest siblings are adults now and finally at almost 60 and with my father dead these last 8 years, I have given up any hope that some of them might break free. The only time my mother told me about being proud of me was when at 15 and acting in a school play, another parent told her how good I was and how beautiful and how lucky she was to have a talented daughter like me. I was told this story but the slant was that the credit was hers for having given birth to me. By 15 I was autonomous, IQ of 145, working 7 days a week to pay to go to high school, and planning how to get out, Education was my answer.

[@Nicole-Nicoley]

my narcissistic father used to brag about how he was a bully in school. He destroyed my self-worth and self-esteem. I had my first existential crisis at 13 and stayed quiet until I was able to finally move out, even after it took years for me to find my voice. I am still working on my self-confidence and I tend to isolate a lot as that's what is most comfortable for me in this society we live in today.

[@InfiniteGoddess971]

To hear this explained. It's like an out of body experience. I survived, grieved the living loss of my child, healing n repairing. Time to live again.Much Gratitude 🎉 try several systems blew my mind🎉

[@wendyfitch625]

I went to grief counseling for a year over my relationship with my daughter. A narcissist and bully just like her dad. It was bone crushing....

[@anettszabo108]

Damn...was the Psycho killer doing anything to that Child??

[@InfiniteGoddess971]

​@@wendyfitch625A journey many r facing. I found I'm healing the trauma, it's the absence of my child that took longer. May we both n others create a new way of life🎉

[@InfiniteGoddess971]

​@@anettszabo108??

[@MKhooks9158O]

im so grateful that you addressed this particular subject because even as adults its crazy how we still have to deal with this type of behavior 🙏🏽👍🏽keep up the great work

[@Bellasie1]

Especially as adults at work.

[@BonesAndButtons]

Im seriously considering "disappearing" and moving away without telling even one person that I'm leaving or where I'm going, just to get away from my toxic family. If I can make them believe I'm dead, all the better. And I'm 52.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

I understand that.

[@PenninkJacob]

YES to everything you just said! I had a bully say "Meet me after school behind the gym" I guess I got lucky, I slapped his face with a dirty wet dish rag and neither of us showed up "behind the gym"...He left me alone after that. But I was terrified, I can only thank god I got so lucky - 1993...👍❤❤❤

[@subhammandal9899]

Being bullied by neighbors is also terrible

[@jeanetteredden24]

Yes. 3 nightmares when you buy a $$$ home: 1. Neighbor who is narcissist. 2. Neighbors dog barks at night & you can't sleep. 3. Neighbor plays loud music at night & you can't sleep.

[@RandyBrady2024]

I am grateful the gaslighting, bullying is over now. I laugh, inside, that it is recognized, internally, I am now light years from where I was.

[@stephenbeauchamp7717]

Don't be getting choked up! You'll drag me down the drain with you. You are my tower of power!! On the other hand a wise woman once told me "if you're feeling you're healing". Keep up the good work. Thanks.

[@janeloraine6231]

I'm in a family bullying situation as a senior citizen. My narcissistic ex has been continuously slinging mud since our divorce 8 years ago. My son, desperate for daddy's approval, behaves in kind to gain points with daddy. My grandchildren have inherited the same dynamic. I get it. Attachment needs trump being kind. Now I find myself isolated from my son's entire family system. As painful as the loss is, I wonder if I should just walk away.

[@susanmercurio1060]

Yes. You will have peace at last.

[@leslietinyhousebuilderwann3851]

I’ve always been a loner. When I got older, I stood up to my older brothers. Then when I married both times I were narcissistic men. Just recently I’ve realized that I was surrounded by narcissistic men. Being alone is where I feel safe.

[@serena1261]

It's as hard for me to wrap my head around how a mother who didn't know better than bullying her daughter. Dr. Ramani, this topic articulated my life. When I've stated narcissistic abuse began in the womb I wasn't exaggerating. I can remember specific events that formed the platform for her abuse. Now then, it's been decades when all this happened and all I want to do is remember the good things I experienced with my Mom those last years of her life. I seem to struggle over forgetting the events. I don't feel good enough in my own skin in order to move forward creatively and comfortably. I do what I desire to do whether it be spending time with family and friends, my work, shopping but gladly and anxiously return home to safety. 💜💜

[@thekcrane]

Woah. When you described, younger bullied daughter going off with older inappropriate boyfriend to flee the family home it struck a cord. I ran from one bully into the arms of a even bigger bully 😅

[@wisegentle7859]

A bully is demonic driven.

[@victoriagomez9009]

Yea😢

[@Saraflowerk]

I hesitate to write this as it was a long time ago and it's bad, but my mom would tell me "my way or the highway" or I'd get sent to kid jail if I was too bad. (I was overly obedient, ironically). And I saw a movie that actually had a kid's jail which was awful lol so it made me extra compliant. I love how I became an adult who loves independence and funny enough, somebody wishes I was closer to home. I found a place that's very good for my nervous system and I'm happy to have been able to fully heal there.

[@MotownGal]

You're so correct about the bullying system. Thank you! I think it's why I always felt outside my own family, scapegoated, like I had no home and was definitely the Ugly Duckling of the whole family I'm not sure it ever goes away completely, but feeling any amount of freedom is such a relief!

[@meherenow]

Bullying by text by sibling is the worst..they know u are alone and no one else can hear the things they say

[@CJ-hz1uj]

And yet the texting is a record. It can be used.

[@BeachPeach2010]

@@CJ-hz1uj I was going to say Screenshots and back them up!

[@Simbaholic]

My family mobbed me all the time when I was younger. I often didn't have a single person to turn to because they were all on my nmom's side. Then they wondered why I got so "obsessed" with Disney.

[@kellyp4377]

I have found, bullying is defined by those doing it…within family, as being supportive and telling the brutal truth where anyone else will lie to you. It’s not viewed as being bullying to the person doing it. And it can be unrelenting and hearing the same things , to the point of beating you down ….you honestly start to question yourself because it’s coming from a family member … 😢

[@jo-annahicks3324]

Well said...and so very true!

[@fakename8856]

Please do a video about Narcissistic PLOYS. My Covert Narc mom uses silly ploys to get attention such as pretending she is “the victim” of radiowaves, flatearth, and she is a “sovereign citizen” which means she is so entitled she believes our laws don’t apply to her. We are estranged. Her ploys to get supply are dangerous and illegal.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

I don't think your mom is narcissistic. She seems as if she is an awakened person who sees the traps of government, which a lot can not do. She is right. We are sovereign beings, but it has been stolen from us as soon as our parents signed our birth certificates.

[@fakename8856]

@@melisentiapheiffer3034 Ok, you are wrong. You don’t know my mother like I do, I was (and still am) her scapegoat, my twin brother is her golden child because he enables her delusions (he is also a sovereign citizen) and has grown into a full blown NPD as an adult. We are estranged. Covert Narcissists use ploys to gain attention (narc supply) and I just wanted her to do a video on common ploys. “Sovereign Citizens” epitomize narcissism.

[@fakename8856]

Another common ploy Covert NPD use is pretending 5g and WiFi are radioactive. That one is quite funny. Another common ploy is claiming earth is flat and making victims prove to them that gravity is real. Being a “sovereign citizen” best epitomizes Covert Venerable Narcissists.

[@lindac2554]

What came to mind when you described your mum was Paranoia And out of touch with reality Psychoses Glad you put that other commenter in their place like you said They are wrong!

[@fakename8856]

@@lindac2554 as she ages the paranoia gets worse. She is perpetually the biggest victim to ever walk the earth. Here a funny and true story (you can look it up if you want): my mom is a “sovereign citizen” as one of her ploys to get attention. I work on ships as an ETO (electrical engineer) and while working on a yacht called M/Y Utopia IV we crashed into a tanker with such catastrophic force that it sank. We sank a gasoline tanker in 2,000ft deep water. I was badly injured. My mom ignores my injuries of course because it doesn’t benefit her and she suggests rather than using the top maritime & admiralty lawyers in the country I should represent myself and she is an expert in maritime law so she wanted me to spend $399 on a sovereign citizen class online. I am not making this up. Our crew’s trial is in October. Last year before Christmas the same yacht also crashed into the 6th Street bridge in Miami 4 blocks away from the US Federal courthouse our case is litigating in.

[@LiB280]

Thank You Dr Ramani ❤ from Italy

[@sharicoburn5475]

Being the youngest by far in my family I was either bullied or excluded by my siblings. My parents were so good to me but oblivious to a lot of the treatment I received. I was also small and brutally bullied in school. I've been a big advocate for kids as an adult.

[@user-zs7xh6ot4u]

I have a sister-in-law who not only excludes me, but makes a point to talk about how much fun the events she excluded me from were whenever we are at family gatherings. It seems it is not enough to exclude me, but she has to publicly rub my nose in it. I used to wonder what was wrong with me that I wasn't being invited. Now, I realize that I should have asked what is wrong with someone who would bring up how you were excluded in front of others. One thing that has made all of this more bearable is that I have a very kind brother and I have been able to stand up for him when he was being ridiculed in his absence. Defending him really gave me a sense of my own power.

[@Michael_Arguello]

Imagine if there was a person who said enough is enough and came after the entire system in a strategic way to cripple it from the inside. If only there was someone…

[@1dylanification]

Thank you for this, I was bullied by my younger and only brother my whole life. Unit I finally broke through all the gas lighting and realized it and went no contact. He has everyone else believing he walks on water. Amazing.

[@jessicaselenecenteno]

Thank you for bringing awareness to this topic. ❤

[@LPoppy2023]

thank you, Dr. Ramani and now sadly looking how it has become the norm in our highest institutions, unnerving, and scary

[@snowbear1877]

I've been bullied in my family and have very little contact for over 20 years now. I refuse contact with a brother in law who is particularly abusive. My sister, who has bullied me all my life, now accused me of bullying her husband "by exclusion". I find in my toxic family they flip it around to make the victim seem like the perpetrator.

[@debralawsonpascua9632]

Story of my life… even after the primary bully has died. The flying monkeys do not feel shame at all about their role. The other issue with narcissists and their flying monkeys, is sometimes the flying monkeys act nice, and you think, maybe they have evolved. But they don’t evolve. They are not narcissists, but they are in their narcissistic roles in their dealings with me, when they feel self righteous. It takes me a long time to warm up to new people. I am saving up to move away. Things are better than they used to be, but any time I let myself get closer to my family, I really don’t feel like I can relax or be authentic. Because they don’t take accountability for their issues. I am the only one in the family that has sought professional help, and did the work. So since I am the only one with a diagnosis; they all think they are grand, and I’m the only one with “problems”. It is easy to not have a diagnosis if they just never get treated or take accountability for the issues they cause. Why should they be accountable? As a child, I received all their punishments. As an adult, it hasn’t changed. It doesn’t even cross their radar if they are being a problem. It is like this feudal system within our own family. Those are the visions that cross my mind. I should change my visuals to something more validating for myself. I don’t always realize that the pictures that run through my mind are affecting my perception and self worth. We have to change the visuals and images in our brain, not just the words. I lived the mask put on me so long; that it habit. And I have to consciously take it off and replace it with my own vision. Watching this made me nauseated, sick to my stomach, and tense. I can choose to leave this behind.

[@karifoto]

I’ve dealt with bullying from family & from “friends” & it continues to this day. It’s insidious for sure. Coercive control is a recognized form of abuse in the UK & they raise awareness about it & actually offer help. We’re so behind on all that here. There’s more support for people there vs here in the US. What you’re doing is so important, Dr. Ramani

[@ladyesther]

The bully I think of in movies is Buzz from home alone. When I watch that I get so angry at his character and the mother’s character!

[@leelapatterson665]

Thank you for saying it out loud that an entire system can be bullying. Hopefully, as each one of us becomes more educated about narcissism and bullying and go through our healing processes, eventually the whole collective becomes less and less tolerant of it. Maybe not in my lifetime......

[@youngblood8540]

Bullying would drastically decrease, if Vigilantism was legalized.

[@l.5832]

Or, better yet, and legal system that was timely, affordable, and fair.

[@bigfan2452]

Vigiliantism is bully itself. Mobs use vigiliantism to bully people. In Pakistan, Nigeria and other countries minorities such as Christians are bullied by vigiliantism because they rejected Islam. Something simple like rejecting Islam in Pakistan, Nigeria can get a person killed by mob.

[@kristinmeyer489]

I have been bullied in every "community" I have tried to grow any kind of life in, for decades, since the internet took off. My life was destroyed by people who do not care about due process, truth, health and safety, or anything human and decent. I have been forced into a hellishly boxed in prison, to literally lose my life, having committed the "crime" of not pleasing some jerk, who decided I didn't deserve to live. All of you went along with this. I see you ALL as you have shown me you ARE. You CHOOSE to justify your evil. There is a BIG FAT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO THINGS.

[@Agameda1]

Just another version of bullying

[@NolitaWerrett]

"An eye for an eye" leads to blindness on both sides

[@MaggieFreespirit]

You usually don't make me cry, but this time you did. I am the scapegoat. This brought up memories of my aunt's boyfriend physically torturing me in front of my entire family and everyone laughing while I did my best not to cry and to tough it out until I couldn't. I was seven. Running away when I heard my brother drive up because he would practice "police compliance holds" on me. I've EMDR'd these, but I guess some things don't ever really heal. They just get less. I'm not de-stabilized, only crying. Thank you for all you do for us. Thank the stars for my excellent therapist. It took me 56 years to go no contact, but it's one of the best things I've done for myself.

[@eliseintheattic9697]

I was bullied in the workplace. He was subtle in what he did and always made it seem like he was just doing his job, and I was the one falling behind. Of course, management did nothing but victim blame, despite the fact that multiple people had complained about him. The worst kind of bullies are the ones who do little things that undermine and chip away at their victims defenses, all the while smiling for and sucking up to authority. It's very difficult to make anyone believe whats really going on and that kind of stress is immense.

[@sunshinejenny5536]

My mom is a bully in that she won't stop, crosses all boundaries, until you agree. It is HER WAY or NO WAY!

[@SadieHartMusic]

my mom is my biggest bully, but her behavior is covert and ONLY inflicted in private when we are alone. she is chronically invalidating, un-empathetic, emotionally dysregulated and unsafe, then asks me why i cant just be happy, which is infuriating. she demands a false illusion of “peace”, so i’m not allowed my authentic expression, anger, or other “negative” emotions. if i protest or react to her behavior, she calls ME abusive.. ive experimented with NC, which is hard, but LC is harder. i have to have strong boundaries and avoid being in close physical proximity with her alone. 💔

[@heat420_7]

Please, please protect the kids in your life from narcissists! They are such an easy target. It IS abuse! ❤

[@ABDra2]

After I moved out of the house from my father and I would visit, I would witness him berating, condescending, and yelling at my mother. Her own son would tell her she was stupid and dumb. I’ve spent my adult life encouraging her that she does NOT need to put up with that. That was 25yrs ago and speed ahead to present day and my father is almost about to set me free and maybe I want that after watching him bully everyone around him and him being angry at my non-compliance to his wishes. At 55 he still scolds me as if I were a child.

[@susanbittner2095]

Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani!!! So Smart!!! So Very Very True!!! I Worked For a Company and Dated People That Did These Bullying Actions All The Time and Got Away With Doing This Because Nobody Challenges Them Back!!! I Tried To Do This Every Chance I Had to Come Up Against These Bulkying Tactics and Reported This Ethics Issue Whenever I Could Do So!!! I Appreciate, Dr. Ramani, You and Your Wonderful , Informative, and Teaching Videos So Very Much!!!🎉❣️

[@JonathanAyala-l9f]

I just discovered you this year and i thank you. As someone with a narc father mother and a narc compulsive liar older brother, it has been a very difficult time trying to move on with my life now that i am officially the new black sheep in the family tree. Thank you for what you do.

[@corporaterobotslave400]

You just described my crazy family perfectly, which is why I had to door slam almost all of them. Yet they persist in getting in to my business which is none of theirs and harrassing and bullying and slandering and gossiping. I do my best to ignore them, but I did have to call the cops last month because they made me feel so unsafe.

[@janswimwild]

My ex had a habit of ‘being’ helpless and incompetent at home often causing huge problems for us and putting me in a position of having to trouble shoot and problem solve for him. Then publicly he would behave as if I was being bossy and demeaning to him and would try to humiliate me. Over time i became exhausted and worn down by this but I was lucky that a few of our friends spent enough time with us to see this unfold so when he walked out and accused me of being unstable, insane and cruel to him they refused to believe him and walked away from him. The same thing happened with those he worked closely with. They had seen this pattern from him over and over and extended their sympathy and understanding to me when I needed it. He overestimated his ‘charm’ because people were too scared to confront him directly because he was so spiteful and malignant. In retrospect I realised that my mother had done exactly the same to me, and because it was so familiar I had put up with it for years.

[@kathylibby3676]

As the family scapegoat, I finally had to go no contact when family members were unable to examine family dynamics. What a painful decision that was, yet it was perhaps the wisest choice I ever made.

[@troysteiner9452]

Thank you Doctor🐣🐥

[@SherryTomlinson-mk7gm]

Raised by a psychopathic dad my brothers and myself were bullied. Physically and emotionally. I never could stand a bully in school. It was very rare for me to be bullied thank god. But I felt so horrible for those who were. I was afraid to protect the victim because the bullies would attack me to. Then I might have had to whoop some butts. Only if it became physical. My oldest brother in high school use to get paid to beat up a bully. And the internet are the biggest cowards when it comes to being bullied. Can’t say I have not been able to avoid this. I have no WiFi and am about to replace eventually every technology equipment I have.

[@Staranaise]

My mother would go on and on about being bullied in school (for which I felt awful, it is awful) she would like, relive it while telling it. She never saw how she was worse with me. She'd go on about her mother ( ruing my relationship with her until much later) without realizing she is a 1000 times worse. I wish I had her mom. There was no room for me, it was all her trauma for me to comfort while being held captive with her stories, again. I went NC at 48, 2 years ago. Never been happier. Even when healing hurts, it's better than contact with her.

[@Duke2363]

A day after surgery, my bro was being all overbearing that I wasn't answering my phone the way I should cos a family member was calling him when they couldn't reach me. So, and it was a long long long time coming, I told him to stop being an a******. I was recovering from surgery. He came back with intimidation. "Be very very careful. I'm being very patient. It is you who is the A******. (Projection anyone?) The next day he tells my wife he was overbearing but no apology to me. No taking responsibility, Nothing. He's 59 by the way. Now I'm done with him for good and I'm so much happier. 😊

[@maryswanson9982]

I never lived in fear. I lived in anger.

[@lyndkent-cl2oe]

I am so struggling!...my whole life has been narcissism!

[@jacquelinejacobson6789]

This is true. My narcissistic mother would bully me and my siblings into thinking and behaving as she wanted.

[@karenhere9327]

thank you ❤

[@kristinmeyer489]

11:16 I grew ip in the '70's and miss the untracked, unmonitored freedom. I have experienced a technological hell that makes the schoolyard bullying of that day and age seem like a walk on rose petals in the proverbial park. The future is being rolled out on a sliver of the population and it isn't voluntary. If you want to know what hell is, you will find out when they hit critical mass. Then those "trolls" and punks and bullies and watchers and whatever they like to call themselves will unleash it on the rest of you. I don't expect the same laughing faces to be filled with as much amusement, when they're subjected to the very same things.

[@yaelcitro9624]

My mother is a narcissist. I never thought of her as a bully. But listening to this video - it just hit me. I grew up completely bullied by her and my sister (it bonded them). One example: my mom got my sister a cat after my sister tried to kill herself. We quickly discovered I was deathly allergic to cats. I used an inhaler and was in the emergency room every few days for a breathing treatment. After one of many late night hospital visit I remember saying “so I’m going to be tied to my inhaler and go to the emergency room every few days?” There silence spoke volumes. My mother would not get rid of the cat and my dad is a flying monkey. His job is just to say how wonderful my mother is (she is horribly abusive to him). I moved out at 16 and never went back to that house. My covert narc knew this story. One time when he really wanted to hurt me - he took in a stray cat that he had been feeding. Which meant I could never go to his house and I said this to him. He said that what I should say is “I know how hard it is for you to take in a stray cat you are so wonderful to do it.” His words not mine. 4 months later his cat was hit by a car. Of course he reached out devastated. He wept and I was there for him. 2 months later he had another cat. He did not even try to be creative. He recreated one of the most painful moments of my life.

[@ikasugami8066]

I grew up being conditioned to allow my boundaries to be crossed, accept being gaslighted, invalidate my feelings, and put everything on myself. Now I am almost 40 and working on unlearning those things....it takes a lot of time and effort.

[@CJ-hz1uj]

And have heard stories and witnessed many who were known bullies in high school who became police officers, with everyone in town knowing they are just bullies with badges, yet people find this acceptable. It is a challenge to not regard people who tolerate this situation with contempt. This is the sort of thing that must be stopped. Bullies gravitate to such work so that they can have the coercive power of the state and the courts to back their wrongful behavior. They swear an oath to the Constitution yet likely have not even read it, much less understand it.

[@eileendonald8628]

You described my family of origin perfectly. I’m 68 and was the scape goat and indentured servant because that’s all my mom believed I was good for. Dealt with the ugly mobbing, gaslighting and bullying my entire life, due to narcissism, dad was overt, mom was covert. Recently my 94 yr old dad passed. My youngest sibling, after years of their own abuse from my dad, by the grace of God, recognized their roll in the mobbing of me. After the youngest and I had a terrible verbal blow out, they realized their mistake. I did not fault them when they called to apologize, I verbally forgave them. During the last year of my dad’s life, both my other two siblings did everything in their power to support my dad in cutting me out of his will. The youngest defended me and was able to convince my dad to be fair. This is where Gods grace stepped in, my dad was stubborn and had dementia, the other two siblings were manipulative with him, but the youngest’s logic broke through and he changed the will back to being equal. I really had no hope left before the reconciliation with the youngest. I dreaded the final gesture from my last parent would be to hurt me as my final legacy. I am so grateful for my youngest sibling, but also know that this fairness is RARE in situations like mine. Even after all the lifelong psychological, emotional and physical abuse I feel fortunate. Maybe that’s bread crumbs, but my parents were never going to accept me, at least I received a bit of compensation, and know in my heart I have one family member that actually cares about my well being. I am counting my blessings here. And thank you Dr Ramani, your work is invaluable for people like me. Your knowledge, defined what was happening in my family, you gave me tools to heal and cope, you prepared me for the realities yet to unfold. You have given me the strength I never received from my parents.

[@efficient_pluto]

Just today my narcissistic father called me "a low-level being" after he personally attacked and insulted me in the worst possible way... They never see their own paradoxical hypocrisy, do they?