THE PSYCHOLOGY OF BOY MOMS: When narcissism meets sexism

[@AnaPsychology]

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[@iga1720]

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[@mezlandia]

My MIL served shrimp for Christmas, after I argued with my husband about informing the family of my new allergy (he didn’t want to tell her). I didn’t realize that his family didn’t care about me like that but I made it awkward for everyone there…I said “had this been cooking, I could have needed to go to the hospital.” Not one of his family members said a word. His mom just stared at me with soulless eyes. Glad to be divorced.

[@Sizhui-mg6hc]

What kind of husband did you even have. He sounds like a man child. I’m feeling anger reading this

[@xLiLlyx98]

​@@Sizhui-mg6hcyeah at first it reads like he wanted to shield her from the fact that his family doesn't care but like, that could result in a serious health problem! That's not "they didn't write your name on the Christmas card so I'm not showing it to you" (even though that would be childish too) but it's actually just dodging responsibility and not standing up for your partner to ... Idk? Make his own life easier? Apple clearly didn't fall far from the tree and nah, you don't need to start a new family with someone like that

[@spiritsfollow4976]

Sounds like the man I’m in the midst of divorcing. God forbid he stand up to his parents about anything.

[@mezlandia]

@ good luck to you ❤️‍🩹

[@MinervaRoman88]

The not caring for your safety is alarming

[@johnabsher6518]

In addition to The Emotional Incest Syndrome, another book I read that helped me understand my familys dysfunction was Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

[@AnaPsychology]

That’s a good one too!!

[@mollyt6835]

Yes! That book made me realize a lot

[@middledog466]

just bought this book. i'm a bit hesitant to read it because i'm sure i'm gonna have some very big realizations

[@zonefreakman]

That sounds like something I need to read. I've been reading The Emoionally Absent Mother and it describes a lot of what I went through with my parents.

[@island4603]

I had a 2 year relationship with this kind of guy. Mother was competing with me about holidays, birthdays, weekends. I tried telling my ex that this is not normal, but it’s like telling a color blind person what colors look like. Impossible. He’s been his mothers surrogate husband from 2 years old, when his farther left his mother. It’s the most disgusting and disturbing thing I’ve ever lived through. So ladies if your man has a very close relationship with his mother and cannot set appropriate boundaries when you speak up. Leave or you will be the villain.

[@Dannniellleee]

I was with one too. They were both abusive ppl in different ways and the behavior truly disgusted me. I believe she has helped him learn to hate and use any woman in his life. They both seemed to enjoy making me miserable and then attempting gaslight me into believing I was the cause. I struggle to hold my tongue, so I inevitably told them both off (I was quite rude, but pushed to the edge) and now I avoid them both like C-19! I’m so sorry you experienced dem0ns like that.

[@Saezimmerman]

I remember a friend calling herself a “boy mom” because, with two active outdoorsy boys, she knew a lot about camping and typically masculine hobbies. Then, the “boy mom” videos hit, and she changed the way she phrased that. 😂

[@sxatcychan1988]

RIP

[@franson34]

my mother grew up with 5 sisters, so when she would tell my brother and I just how grateful she was to only have boys "because they're less drama" I thought that made sense, but when I couple that with the fact that all my girlfriends were never "good enough" or not meet her unrealistically high standards and her trying to control or be involved in almost all aspects in my life, I realized it wasn't JUST that she was happy that she was boy mom.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

my mum would also say that girls were more drama than boys (she had both). That hurt me, because I never tried to be heard unless I was genuinely upset. She was repulsed by emotion though. She does not seem to recognise that she accommodates my brother and ''people pleases'' to him, but projects all of the emotions she cannot acknowledge in herself onto me. I left the stage and now my dad, mother and brother talk about the weather and the garden.

[@AshleyfromTX]

I wish there were more men sharing their experiences about this topic. I always hear about the Mom or Partner’s side of things.. like what is it like to figure it out, or see it happening and realize it, what did you do? How did you feel, how did your partner feel, how did you Mom react? I wanna know from the man’s POV.

[@saubohne]

​@AshleyfromTX man here, but I don't know if I can deliver what you are looking for. I'll try anyway. My mother is the youngest of 6. Two boys and four girls. She has also always said that she is glad to have had three boys because daughters are much more difficult. She was a single mom for most of my childhood and money was always tight. Having to get creative to get the three of us fed tight. There was no money to put us in fashionable or even new clothes so we wore our cousin's hand-me-downs until we could work to buy nice things for ourselves. We all got bullied, but we came out okay and with boys getting food and adequate amount of sports was okay. I don't think the same would have been okay with girls. I don't think we ever had any emotional incest, my mom taught us to cook and clean and always pushed all three of us to find partners. She isn't overly involved in any of our lives and our wives like her. I think she didn't have the critical mind to see how growing up is different for boys and girls. Puberty for boys is very rough because patriarchy really dials up the (often toxic) demands. I'd like to be able to speak about that more, but it feels like we can only have that convo by ignoring the elephant in the room. And that's the absolutely absurd societal expectations for women. The resulting stress that girls are suddenly hit with in puberty is what I would consider the source of the high anxiety. Maybe it's a fucked up way to rationalize me still thinking that three daughters would be more stressful for the parents than three sons.

[@mahh154]

“Boy moms use their sons to prop themselves up in the patriarchy” Damn, Dr. Ana. That's exactly it.

[@orionkenya1]

Lmao, it’s just their self interest. No need to invoke the Patriarchy

[@nicoleonlysometimes824]

@@orionkenya1okay but it stems from the patriarchy on why they feel the need 🙁 keep up

[@justadummy8076]

@@nicoleonlysometimes824 No it doesn’t, they just want to raise their children into the man they wanted to marry, it’s entirely narcissistic & has nothing to do with “the patriarchy”

[@ebbiemusumali8301]

Sounds a bit like tr Bridgertons. She's still a sweet woman though.

[@Kivlor]

Considering there is no patriarchy in the US right now, this analysis seems to fall flat.

[@catsrmylyf]

My partner's mom is this kind of "boymom" and I can't believe how cartoonish her behavior gets sometimes. (She has literally, verbatim told my partner "you're gunna have to choose between me or [my name]" just because she didn't like that we'd decided to adopt a kitten without "consulting her" about it first.) We went & saw Crazy Rich Asians together back when it first came out and she LOVED it, she identified with the main character's struggle dealing with a toxic mother-in-law. ??? It was VERY hard for me to listen to her gush about it, especially because it did not prompt her to rethink any of her behavior towards me or my partner. To this day, she still says she doesn't understand why we don't have a good relationship, that "nobody ever told her what she did wrong." I believe her when she says she doesn't understand, but I think it's less about not having enough information & more about not being able to actually _hear_ the information we _do_ present to her. Sigh.

[@ThisIsTechToday]

I feel emotionally scarred just watching these TikTok’s. Holy crap.

[@AnaPsychology]

If you think the skits are bad, you should see the real boy moms they’re based off of 😂

[@t-man5196]

No you don't

[@anitoancognita7060]

​@@t-man5196 yes they do

[@t-man5196]

@@anitoancognita7060 no they don't

[@anitoancognita7060]

@@t-man5196 yes they do

[@NyttanGnistan-bd6gc]

My exes mom was a boy mom and the emotional incest made me nauseous. The ex absolutely loved being waited on by his elderly overworked mother though. He was in his 40s and his mother cooked, dressed him and bought whatever he needed for his apartment. Worst of all - the ex had several siblings including sisters and another brother but his mother takes him on vacation/holiday/weekend trips just the two of them where she pays for everything, several times a year. And the ex expects the same prince/toddler treatment from any prospective partner and is completely unfit to date anybody because of how dependent he is on his mothers way to make his life completely frictionless. The mother isnt rich, is completely overworked AND has a husband whom does not participate in anything the mom-son activities. Its so strange!!! 😮

[@DL-idk]

That is…so weird 😱 Glad that he’s an ex now

[@SamB-y96]

Dr. Ana, you are spot on. I was my mom's "best friend" when she wasn't dating, from ages 9~14. She constantly shared work and financial woes with me and asked me for advice 🤨 She continued to have issues being physically clingy until I was a young adult. I put my foot down when I was married, and my mental health improved exponentially. Not married anymore, but I still hold to my emotional boundaries. Also, never put 2 and 2 together, but my grandma was a boy mom before that term was ever coined. My mom was/is the scapegoat, as you say is most common. Also she's the middle child and only daughter.

[@Heartsnknives]

Scapegoat here! I also get so much criticism from her. It actually makes me physically sick because I feel unsafe at home.

[@arc8584]

Hang in there, don't tell them your plans, position yourself to leave and go low/no contact. I cannot emphasize enough, do not tell them your plans.

[@celinepope]

My ex's mom was low key like this... I cooked everything and did laundry. He once brought our white towels to his mom's house bc he liked the way she cleaned them better! Like. Boy. Wash your own damn towels. She also cheered when she found out I got roofied. Yeah. So glad to be gone from that, and now I have a healthy dynamic with my partner's family.

[@juliekring7574]

Cheered?!

[@shakirasmith6454]

That’s beyond evil, I’m so glad you’re in a healthier family.

[@AshleyfromTX]

Jesus Christ, I can’t even begin to think of how horrible that is, “cheering?” I’m so incredibly sorry you had to go through that, that’s humiliating on top of an already horrible thing. 😢

[@tyz2094]

Never realized my mom was a boy mom until now. I needed this. My mom was always a little creepy and not normal in my head about privacy sometimes or realizing that I am my own person and have needs. Thank you.

[@Shaun_J]

Bro same here. Love and appreciate my mom, but god damn she doesn’t know privacy or respect my boundaries 🤦‍♂️🤧

[@Nn----00-j4u]

My mom doesn't know boundaries either, but she doesn't even show me love. She even said I should stop saying that I love her as a kid, because she doesn't love me either and it felt weird to her. So I stopped. But she still wants to control every aspect of my life. I tried to break off contact several times, but she always showed up at my door and kept ringing and I haven't been strong enough to follow through with it yet. 😐

[@byttercandy]

@@Nn----00-j4uI am so sorry. That’s terrible

[@blondequijote]

@@Nn----00-j4u I’d say your mom’s a psycho, but crazy ppl have souls and shouldn’t be compared to someone who tells their kid they don’t love them.

[@PlayerTenji95]

@@Nn----00-j4uI wish you the best of luck in getting away, tbh.

[@kusaedonai]

my mother used to be a boymom towards me. I had three sisters, and I constantly felt how i was the golden boy while they were like the other three girls. I always hated the way she would talk about me, since i'd be forced to comply and please all the needs she would have, specially in rising up to the challenge of being the "perfect *son*". As soon as I was 13 and failed a lot of assignments cos of school abuse, I was able to burst the bubble of fake reality i was in, I enforced myself into the black sheep role, like hoping for her to "stop being so overly attached to me". The sad thing is that it turned back and then she saw me as a man, a guardian who should protect the rest of the family, while she behaved like a 15 year old whenever my sisters or me brought ppl in (i never invited friends because of that). The only way in which I was able to break away from her deeply unnverving and kinda repulsive form of loving was by leaving the house at 18. Once i left and achieved some form of independence, she really backed off and started treating me like a human being. However, still... from time to time, she hugs me so long, and I feel like i'm filling a void that i should not. And it dreads me. I don't want her to touch me, yet she keeps grabbing my hands and hugging me, and I tense up big time (i'm autistic fyi). I insist on keeping the distance, yet she "cannot avoid it". I know she means no harm, and nowadays she has gone real far from her narcissistic ways thru my spiritual learning (since she also hopped on that path when I started it), yet I wish I had a normal mom who would idk scold me from time to time and not make me feel that If i wasn't perfect i'd rather not exist

[@peach0129]

She's your mom for goodness sake, let her hug you and show her some affection. Don't be cruel

[@NatureFreak1127]

​@@peach0129What if he feels like it's a bit sexual?

[@peach0129]

@@NatureFreak1127 nothing he wrote gives any hint at it being sexual and it's just bizarre to see a mother showing her son love and then to label it that

[@lahagemo]

@@peach0129how about letting people decide for themselves what they feel comfortable with? regardless of what way someone’s related to you, they’re also just a person. two things can be true at once.

[@kusaedonai]

Some ppl find it cool for their mothers to be so close. I felt it like I was all what my father was, and seeing it made me feel disgusted, specially cos it sometimes felt emotionally dependant and yes, even a bit sexual (which it wasn't, altho it didn't save me from the abuse caused from her father). I felt some sort of want coming from her that I couldn't and still cannot tolerate that much. She used to have the passwords of my accounts when I was a teenager, she wanted to control what I consumed and who I related with. She made me her enemy and a tool as soon as I stood up for my limits. I hug her now, when we meet and when I leave. I tell her I love her and that she did the best she could do. I tell her it's not her fault. Still, my feelings are valid to me, and if I feel like I reject physical contact from ppl who I don't want to be touched by, I gotta stick for my needs without being neither violent nor selfish, even if it is a bit narcissistic to focus on myself only. Cruel is when she hit or screamed at my sisters while I received the best treatment. Cruel is when she said passive aggressive shit towards my father who was absent yet overly overworked to keep us all eating. Cruel is when she decided to speak for myself with people I considered friends, not allowing to stand for myself and then ending in greater conflict. However, I forgive. I am not perfect. I am full of flaws and I am doing what I can. And if I have to set limits in order to see my mother two times a month without feeling dread, I'd gladly do it, cos I love her.

[@SerafinaP]

Lol my partner of 14 year's mother still calls me "that woman". And just yesterday, I offered to tour a new apartment for her and video it for her, just to make her life easier.

[@juliekring7574]

Good heavens

[@treelight1707]

I hope you can keep a safe distance. It seems like sort of an un-treatable mental illness.

[@xLiLlyx98]

Bless you, seems like you're a more patient and emotionally centered person than I am because I wouldn't do $hit for this person 😂 I would probably also call her "that woman" with an attitude, my god some people...

[@blondequijote]

@@xLiLlyx98 if my mom pulled that shit, I’d be telling her all about the things I do with that woman.

[@Moonfaerie_22]

I'm so glad you made this video. I'm a daughter of a mom like this and have also had a partner with a boy mom in the past. Always baffled me to deal with this behavior

[@AnaPsychology]

Sorry to hear that🥺

[@joannahzamora]

St. Augustine, who hammered home the original sin and that it was all women's fault why we couldnt live in eternal paradise, also had a boy mom. Let that sink in for a moment.

[@rebbyberard8150]

My mom (the classic scapegoat) is 9 years younger than her brother, and when he was visiting from college when he was 19 and my mom was 10, my grandma told my mom to make his bed for him. My mom said "I'm not his slave, he can do it himself," and walked away. Truly iconic of her to never put up with my grandma’s unfortunate boymom behaviors, especially considering my grandma was the classic 1950s/60s Jewish housewife and my mom was a second wave feminist at only a decade old

[@katendress6142]

Not only did my ex not know how to do laundry, he was shocked and appalled by my expectation that he put his dirty laundry in the hamper instead of leaving it whereever. His mom had been coming over to his apartment and doing his laundry for him.

[@brianatford6603]

I was raised by a son-less boy mom. In search of my support group.

[@ballerina3483]

Yes same I didn't have a brother but my mother worshiped men. She never spent money on us always looking out for father instead of her daughters. She said you loose half the game when a daughter is born. Uhhh going no contact once I escape .

[@MS-sr6mj]

Check out those with narcissist parents.

[@JackInABeanstalk98]

isnt that just an insecure straight woman?

[@NyttanGnistan-bd6gc]

@@brianatford6603 some call it "male centered" woman. As mothers, they center males and the attention of a man to the point of neglecting their children completely.

[@esmeraldagamgeetook2454]

My mum was this but she just kept trying til she had a son, took her 15years lol

[@LasPhoenix777]

My husband had a boy mom. He had to work through some serious trauma. And when we had a child together she tried to treat me like nothing more than a surrogate. My husband is my soulmate and best friend but the damage done was not something I would have agreed to endure for this love had I known.

[@DELLRS2012]

That is serious sh**! I’m so sorry you went through that during such a vulnerable time in your life!

[@brodonnellYT]

I appreciate the sketch where the son is setting boundaries himself. Part of being a man is being comfortable being uncomfortable, and that includes looking your mother in the eye and laying down the law sometimes.

[@roxmdr]

I married the oldest of 3 boys, and the things I learned about boy moms. I refuse to act like that, especially because we had a son as well. My favorite line from her, that I’ll never forget was “ he was mine before he was your’s.” I was just like ok, good to know. As you said it did really get worse after i got pregnant too.

[@NormanU-e7i]

My mom was narcissistic and she treated my brother like an extension of herself and used him to physically discipline me. He went on to domestically abuse his partners and grow a rap sheet.

[@PlayerTenji95]

Fucking hell, that’s one way to prime someone to be an abuser. I’m sorry you dealt with that.

[@firbolg]

Yep... I have a boy mom... had to move away 2000km to another country to get some peace. Both my parents were narcissists but my father passed aways so he's no longer a problem but my mother still tries to gaslight me to hell to this day. And it drives me nuts how she treats her husband.

[@sds6303]

So sorry you’re going through this! It might be time to go no contact with her once and for all. You deserve full peace!

[@firbolg]

@@sds6303 I know you're right but it's really difficult. I will get there eventually.

[@c.m.e.washington6737]

@firbolg was it a cycle repeated cause you said you have a boy mom and your parents are narcissistic

[@firbolg]

@@c.m.e.washington6737 "Thanks for your interest! Just to clarify - I meant that I'm the child (son) of a narcissistic mother, not that I'm a mother myself. So in my case, I'm the one who had to deal with narcissistic parents, particularly my mom. And I'm unfortunately not a parent myself. Hope that helps explain things!"

[@c.m.e.washington6737]

@@firbolgit does wish you the best man, I recently broke out of my narcissistic cycle… loving yourself is the key

[@faithcrisis2138]

I loved callinf myself a "boy mom" before this toxic trend and behavior came to light. I have one boy and another on the way. The behavior these women share for the public to see is downright scary, I'm terrified of what they do when the camera is off

[@rowdyriemer]

I always thought the concept of father-daughter "dates" was weird af!

[@nora__]

Huh. I guess if the dad is like trying to act like “this is how a man should treat you.” But otherwise, I think it’s fine… Kids like to act like adults and it’s a good opportunity to teach formal dining etiquette, polite on one on conversations, stuff like that. And I think it’s healthy for kids to have individual bonding experiences with both parents.

[@Axqu7227]

Setting aside one on one distractionless time with a kid is really special and good unless boundaries are crossed or muddied. I think the word ‘date’ in this day and age muddies those boundaries

[@lalakuma9]

This might be horrifying, but even more of a common phenomenon in cultures that are more patriarchal and traditional. They're usually known as the nightmare mother-in-law.

[@swk862ssu4]

That makes sense - the more patriarchal the culture the more women are devalued, the less likely a man will respect and actually love his wife so then she’s got increased motive to turn to her son for emotional fulfillment she should’ve gotten from another adult and / or being treated better as a person herself.

[@Pearlio]

My Mom is a boy mom as I’m Mexican and it’s a culturally (perhaps a bit toxic) normal thing

[@KP-5928]

yep, favoring one gender over the other, particularly for your children, is definitely toxic behavior

[@JessicaRuiz323]

It’s definitely toxic and a symptom of the sexism women deal with in our culture. Damn machismo 😒

[@dickottel]

it shouldn't be normal

[@ingweking8748]

Turkish moms are same

[@anajoao6140]

Guess same in portugal. But these days we know these things, even if cultural, they are misogynistic

[@connie_ri]

In my case it was weirder. I dated a guy who was "Dad's boy" I remember telling my therapist that it felt like his dad and him where in a relationship. Imagine the same scenarios but it's the dad saying those things. Well, not the kissing and dating but definetely the rest. Dad would wash and fold his 23yo son's laundry or tell me that they didn't eat so and so food and I should cook in X manner. There's much more context but in conclusion, I should have left that relationship earlier cos dealing with the dad was a living hell. 😅

[@justinkevish]

Are "boy moms" just the Jungian archetype of the "devouring mother"?

[@THEREDBARON777]

Pretty much

[@DevoidVoid]

YUP.

[@sds6303]

Yep

[@mads597]

Yes but with a specific element of misogyny in the dynamic

[@TheSynisterMinister]

I had the opposite of a boy mom. I could get hit by a car and that woman would tell me to walk it off. I did my own laundry since around 4th grade. And if I was lazy. Id have to wear dirty clothes and be musty at school. Early on she taught me to cook. By 12 I was a psuedo adult. She was a single mom and would work rotating shifts. So id often just be left alone for a week. Because i get off school. Shes headed to work, she comes back when I am already asleep. So my own dinner, dishes, laundry, everything haha. I found this video fascinating and gross.

[@Will0wFire]

This was vwry interesting. My MIL was a boy mum, but not as extreme as some in the skits here. She had two sons, and when she knew I was expecting a girl, second child, she was definitely less interested. Went on about how boys are "easier" etc. Moving on from this, when my oldest came out to me as trans, mtf, and i was seeking support in a group of other parents going through the same experience, I noticed how many more mothers really struggle with the concept of gaining a daughter- or, to put it in a different aspect, losing a son. I'm finding that accepting my child's transitioning isn't that hard at all. Part of that is, in my opinion, that i was never overly invested in having a boy. I just simply love my children for who they are. Don't worry, I'm sure I have many other faults. 😂

[@xoxnataiie]

i am sooooo fucking grateful i’ve never had to deal with this

[@anjamerleklinkenberg6696]

So it’s not just me who had this experience. Divorce is beautiful

[@crabofchaos7881]

Oh... apparently I'm a boy mom boy, good thing I escaped her gravitational well almost a decade ago.

[@carililyyarbrough2305]

so, my older brother is a total victim of emotional incest. if my other siblings and I want to interact with our brother and our mother is present, you CANNOT speak to the poor guy! if you take his attention away from our mother, she’ll start acting like a catty and try flirting with him in a very childish fashion (example: splashing him with water from the sink and giggling while doing so).

[@nevergiveup9937]

Omg. That sounds gross 😅

[@dickottel]

🤨

[@Axqu7227]

Poor bastard. Poor you having to deal with that BS.

[@prettypinkblunt]

Pls pls pls make one for narc dads and their black sheep daughters 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 I would love to hear your insight about it

[@meta-metta]

This.

[@briancollins4585]

I threw up in my mouth a little bit....

[@Hey_its_nathan89]

its obvious most of these are cringe tiktok clips and these people are doing it as sattire but I believe this does happen

[@monicaamunster]

As the invisible child, I can’t believe how I never noticed this is my mom… Don’t get me wrong, I always noticed the favoritism but damn a lot of this is spot on

[@pontusvarld]

What really stroke me is how those boys would take it. What kind of mental issues would they potentially develop after growing up in such an environment? They may think they were loved, but this kind of "love" is not really right, would those boys develop kinds of problems? Identity and self esteem problems? Perhaps you could make a video of that? I am sure there may be men out there suffering from such a childhood. If not, are there any books on that?

[@shanouboubou]

I mean on the top off my head I'm thinking of Ross Geller in Friends. It's an exagerrated but still very accurate portrait of insecure masculinity. We see ot in his need for his inability to take responsabilities for his misfortunes, his tanthrums when things don't go his way, his need for control and his not understanding of boundaries. Everyone is here to serve him, especially women (his mother, sister and girlfriend). Just a little boy playing adult.

[@pontusvarld]

@@shanouboubou Could it also develop into "internalized misandry", where they hate all the male aspects of oneself?

[@jennifetaminas]

my brother was agressive verbally towards his gf (until I had to intervine and ofc had to have my mom tell him unless shes wanted hime to have charges ina near future for dv) is unconsiderate and selfish so yeah

[@raerror404]

My grandmother is a boy mom. But weirdly enough, because my dad and I are both only children, I've become the "golden child" and my dad has become the scapegoat. My dad has never blamed me for this, but it was always bizarre to see her vilify him and dote on me in the same breath. Sometimes even for the same things.

[@richlambeth7050]

Objectifying others is, in general, always destructive for all parties involved.

[@robbingcars9140]

I don’t love how much I relate to this

[@billcolak5253]

I love this. This is almost Sam Vaknin level of narcissism analysis.

[@Pleebian94]

Sam's perspectives and insights are unique to say the least. His series on BPD and deconstruction of the Man-O-Sphere help me immensely.

[@fatemeetsluck]

Very difficult video to stomach but very important and more people should watch this one

[@Myrical32007]

The scariest part of this is how people get to that point. Why or what happened to them that they are that way yknow?

[@makingpeacefulminds]

White American women value 1. Men 2. God 3. Children 4. Opinions of strangers 5. Herself

[@RubberGopher]

I always wonder, how much is genetic predisposition and how much is nurture? There's no solid answer and that's what keeps me curious about all this. I can't hang around such people and I'm happy that there's no such person in my family.

[@HellsFurby]

The girls doing the skits prior to 11:35 and the one at that time are taking me out with how hilarious these are - but it’s terrifying because that’s how those boy moms sometimes act maybe not to such an extreme (I’m sure there’s some out there who are though 😅) but those women do not see it as that and emotional incest is way more common than I ever thought once I learned about what that was from others who have experienced it just change up circumstances. It’s disturbing behavior, just like the girl dads meeting their first date with a rifle or while cleaning it (it’s so embarrassing to experience omg I was ready to keel over) but somehow the boy moms have outdone the girl dads it’s wild.

[@rowanquynn9964]

I was raised by a woman like this. I have two sisters and one brother. My older sister and I seemed to trade being the scapegoat or the invisible child back and forth(as adults I'm now fully the scapegoat) , and our brother was the golden child. You've hit everything on the nail so far

[@absolutelycitron1580]

Wtf is a purity ball? Im concerned! Very concerned!

[@AnaPsychology]

It’s where dads take their daughters on the verge of puberty to a dad/daughter dance and the daughters pledge to stay virgins. They even get a “purity ring” 🤮

[@billthepigeon]

@@AnaPsychologywhat a horrible day to have eyes

[@rowdyriemer]

You should be concerned! The idea is weird AF!

[@xxbatflowerxx]

It's a conservative christian tradition. Maybe they will even be enforced in project 2025 who knows at this point. .

[@80sprincess52]

This is pretty much Gilmore girls except it was a mother daughter dynamic. Unfortunately growing up my mother pretty much turned my brother and I into her versions of 'Rory'. My brother is my mothers 'best friend' he was allowed to go out with his friends without curfew before he was even 18, she let him pursue his dream career while he stayed home (still does) and has never expected him to meet her demands of what she THINKS he should pursue in adulthood (college, living away from home, having the financial burdens of adulthood) because she wants him to enjoy the things she 'never got to'. Meanwhile I was the 'Rory' who was expected to go to college no matter what, I wasn't allowed a 'gap year', I wasn't allowed to live in the family home even after graduating as she had already envisioned that I was going to be the 'career girl' paying rent in the city from since she never got the chance to be. I am so glad we're calling out these warped parents!

[@veronica_._._._]

lnteresting one if my bros The least smart one but best looking) left home at 29, ony to marry, he was a labourer, My mother washed his filthy clothes daily, he was promiscuous with skanks (outside the home) married at 29 to my mothers oldest daughter after meeting her at 29 for the 1st time. She was very doll like, a madonna - whore dynamic playing out, he treated her and my mother extremely coldly after marriage, lits of ghosting, they both managed him, got him better jobs, were thick skinned, his self pity was off the charts, became very undeweight chain smoked died of a heart attack. His wife is now a beekeeper lol, found her niche. Damn never realised how stereotypical golden boys are, scapegoats, a serial role in my fam, paradoxically have a chance at insight and personal.growth, eventually. Those who orbit too close to 'the sun' rarely can separate.

[@melissachinnici]

My mother, dude. My brother is 41...

[@plantsbeautylove]

Yikes ! 😅

[@nightjournal3335]

If I can be honest, I don’t really like that almost half of this video was just TikTok content. I enjoy your analysis and breakdown of things. While having one or two videos that are examples of behavior might be appreciated, seeing a whole compilation I feel detracted from getting true insight

[@BlackBat808]

Agree

[@dillchives]

The sketches weren't even good or accurate, just annoying and obnoxious.

[@FreijaVanir]

Videos like this make me so grateful for the mother in law that I have.

[@jtp2r]

I remember one year my mom was adamant about not doing anything on Mothers Day. I offered lunch, dinner, what kind of gift she wanted, etc. She kept saying, "I'm fine." I even told her we could celebrate on another day if she was too tired. So imagine my surprise when she went around telling ppl I didn't do anything for her on Mother's Day. Told the whole family that lie.

[@DL-idk]

I love how people are roasting these boy moms right and left on the internet 😂 Maybe it will give them some perspectives and make at least some of them self conscious enough to seek the therapy they most definitely need

[@adventureteacher2140]

Oooof I was with a guy whose mom was like this. He claimed he couldn’t stand her behavior, buuut I’m pretty sure he was just smart enough to know she was acting unhinged so he couldn’t say he liked the attention, but he did. Like, she tried to have his car towed from my house when we had a date night she demanded we reschedule. Did he set a boundary with her after that? Nope. Thankfully, my fiancé has run interference for me before when I was getting exhausted by his dad, taking him out to the movies and dinner so I could have some alone time. The difference when your partner prioritizes your relationship is night and day! 💜

[@Totsy30]

I had an ex whose grandmother was like this, except for all of her siblings. She pretty much tried to live vicariously through my ex's mother, trying to be included in anything and everything the kids did.

[@TessaWalker-v1c]

My situation is out of hand. I left a bad situation with my mom when I was 18 to come live with my BF (who still lived with his mom at the time) I moved in everything was well. I’ve always known something was weird with how she treated her two sons but didn’t know to the full extent until about a year of living with her. She was always talking down to me in front of him I would set boundaries, they were broken, she always brought up his exes in front of me, and always brought up how things were so much better and their relationship was so much better before I came along. We started distancing ourselves as much as we could (keep in mind we still live with her) she would ease drop on private conversations and pick fights with me, and text him and call him all the time to ask why he was so distant. Blamed me for everything and would catch him outside of our room and corner him into telling her why he doesn’t love her anymore. I just am still having a hard time getting him to understand how is mom is.

[@widowgirl1254]

I'm glad you are talking about this. These women scares me! I'm single and already dread having a toxic boy mom for a future mother-in-law.

[@riotwire]

My mother in law isnt QUITE at the boy mom level, but... We live in an apartment with no elevator on the top floor. When we do the laundry, we have to carry the laudry down the stairs, put it in the car and drive it to the mat and pay for the wash. Its my least favorite chore. When i brought up we do our own laundry, his mom and dad both freaked out at me saying how stupid that is ??? I said "ok, so if we shouldnt be doing our own laundry, who should be doing it all?" That immediately shut them up. I cook a lot of "weird" (i live in the midwest, anythjng besides midwestern slop is considered weird). Cooking is extremley important to me and im very open about it. She makes comments about me "not feeding him" and that she can come visit me "and bring us some -actual dinner-" I made them come over and fed them my food for the first time and were shocked I made "real food" and have kept their stupid comments to themselves. I was bascially a full adult at 16, but when I moved in with my partner i had to teach him how to do the laundry, use a dish washer, do any households chores or basic cooking 😭 she even made a joke about how she didnt teach him anything. His young sister did all the work besides mowing 💀 he luckily caught on quick and helps out but i was just like how tf you raise a child thats never turned on a washing machine

[@meganh4532]

I am so grateful I have an amazing mother in law. As much as I love my husband I would not be able to be with someone whose mom is this way

[@renseal475]

I actually leaned away from the screen with those first clips oml... I also wasn't fully aware that there actually was a category like this in a parent-child relationship, and that emotional-incest was a thing, and it makes so much sense now with so many stories I have heard. Thank you for sharing this, it has really broadened my understanding of relationship dynamics and how dynamics can form when individuals dont get certain needs met.

[@YaleStewartArt]

So basically the "Pick Me Girls" who've had kids.

[@alyzu4755]

Exactly! 💯

[@beccafranklin6683]

It’s crazy how differently parents treat their boy and girl children. My brothers are treated so differently to me now and when we were growing up. It’s only recently I realised that’s the reason I was treated so badly and constantly told I was difficult and selfish for having emotions.

[@zonefreakman]

This is an auspicious time for you to make a video like this. I just starting reading a book that I put off for years reading called The Emotionall Absent Mother. Its hard reading because it hits home so much and explains the way I turned out as an adult. Maybe thats why I kept on acting like the book didnt exist everytime I looked at it. Ive done a lot of CBT over the years and honestly I still feel stuck in a lot of ways. Ive done therapy with those kind of methodologies. My therpaist though always wanted and recommended me to do inner child work and I always didnt want to do it. I think I will give it a chance now and after work today I'm going to pick up a book that someone else in the comments recommended.

[@fillinggaps1975]

Omg the 'boy mom' satire videos are killing me.

[@mattcaston9546]

Reminds me of my family, and I'm not the golden child

[@JenniRedeemed]

I am so triggered and i havent even been through this. I am seriously angered by women who think they can control others.

[@Glurfl]

Dr. Ana, I love these videos where you basically go over popular misconceptions or these“trends”. TikTok is such a huge thing that we won’t ever change it or the people that use it but at least this is entertaining and educational! Thank you

[@jerrrdy]

Love the added examples!

[@pulsariti3348]

3:20 so Lorelai from Gilmore Girls?

[@erincravener9055]

This video pretty much explains why Marie Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond kinda freaked me out in recent years

[@ShireTasker]

The classic term you are looking for is the devouring mother.

[@maevemaiden]

I’m dating a man who displays narcissistic traits and behaviors and I’m the black sheep of my family and an empath so this topic is very familiar. Great job Ana thank you ❤

[@besanayan5717]

Why are you dating him

[@Kingofcrocs1]

@@besanayan5717 people with narcissistic traits are not inherently evil people, they just developed those traits to deal with reality. in addition, all relationships match some sort of phantasy or psychological need or other way of relating to others.

[@DevoidVoid]

​@@Kingofcrocs1 the way the brain intakes sensory data from your senses implies some amount of confabulation in most humans cognition I'd assume 🤷

[@hannahsmith904]

my MIL isn’t quite this bad, but the emotional incest with my husband (not her other son though??) is wild. luckily we have moved far, far away from her so life is significantly better than when we lived nearby

[@DrHugsalot]

Tbh it's kind of tough to get on board with this video when all of the TikToks used were parodies. Sure, maybe some of these women are making videos based on real experience, but it's kind of hard to tell how much of this phenomenon is real vs an exaggerated meme.

[@Vickynger]

these werent that much exaggerated and i think that it was a much nicer decision to showcase these "reenactments" instead of drawing attention to actual "boy moms" and possibly sending harrassment their ways

[@troysanchez776]

You don't want to see the real deal.

[@sinovuyobudaza7167]

​@@troysanchez776 Exactly 😂

[@sinovuyobudaza7167]

Consider yourself blessed that you have no idea how this looks in real life.😂

[@deanstownhall]

Pretty sure she used the parodies because she didn’t want to incite hoards of hate comments etc to ACTUAL boy mom content creators. Also if you’ve seen the real boy mom vids these parodies aren’t even an exaggeration lol

[@alyzu4755]

The second skit, her crazy stare, is perfect! 🤣🤣🤣

[@arthurmiller2300]

The tiktoks you chose were 10/10 traumatic comedy, spot on Dr. Ana. 🙏

[@pimpsup27]

Just found your channel. Really enjoying your insights!

[@abrainlet4469]

i mean, sure, we can talk about this topic, but you are gonna have to show some actual clips of moms doing this, not satire clips by a person that is completely against this. even knowing you read a book on this, it still doesnt take away from the fact that half of this video is satirical

[@Astalos-ub4by]

Yea if you use those clips the video is probably not going to stay up for long.

[@ChallengedInGame]

Dr. Ana, really good job!

[@MB_edits-yt]

for all book enjoyers like myself, reading the ebook 'Magnetic Aura' is a must

[@AnaPsychology]

Ok bot

[@mondoenterprises6710]

Oh yeah. We're going there!

[@w00ttie]

I started watching because I have a baby boy and am scared of becoming a boy mom. Instead I found out my MIL is one, but she's also trying really hard to be friends with me and she's been a pretty good grandma. So it's not that black and white all the time.

[@StingRaeTheSingingSiren]

As a technical boy mom (one son) who has been around a lot of self-proclaimed “Boy Moms”, I’ve tried very hard not to be anything like this type of person. I have dealt with MIL issues in the past and hope that one day I can offer my son’s GFs and wife support and friendship with suitable boundaries rather than critiques and competitiveness.

[@aaronherbert4842]

I immediately thought about how complicated relationships with in-laws can be. Also, how being the maternal versus paternal grandparents can impact relationships with grandchildren. I would love to hear how grandparents with daughters and sons navigate the difference or if they experience a difference based on the gender of the child.

[@annehays7799]

I’m a week away from becoming a mother for the first time. My husband and I have been watching “boy mom” critiques and laughing our butts off for a few days now. I’m an only child and it bothered me so much as a kid when I would perceive that parents would favor the son and treat the daughter as a doormat. I’m sure I’ll love my son as soon as he’s born, but I also hope and pray that he one day finds a loving wife and becomes a functional adult. That’s when we’ll know we did a good job raising him.

[@mekman4]

Thank you!

[@Heartsnknives]

What a way to wake up. I don't think i should've watched this right after i opened my eyes.😂 And damn this really reminds me of my mom and many other family members who have sons.

[@AmeliaPlunk]

These were all parody TTs right? If so, kind of weird to show them while making an argument about the content they're parodying and NOT showing the original content. It makes me feel like you're not analyzing real content but instead drawing conclusions from the parodies

[@ziodorico8657]

Basically the vast majority of Southern Italy's mothers (just kidding, but the stereotype is alongside this boy mom stuff) The Neapolitan comic actor Biagio Izzo once stated "The son's doom is... their mother" (This is a funny comment, i just wanted to do a funny depiction of the situation here in south Italy)

[@ajn2370]

US healthcare sounds so dystopian

[@autumnhaywood1851]

I am totally freaked out lol 2:07

[@LilBearZen]

She barely blinks, it’s so good

[@93lozfan]

I blame the book "Love you forever" which is basically about a boymom who succeeded in maintaining that hold for the duration of her life

[@goatanarchy69]

that feeling when the golden child of your family is your father 💀 Remember having a conversation with my father's mother about his childish behaviour and she literally said: "but he is my boy :("

[@MakeupBySonya444]

omg eww. i have 7 sons and 3 daughters. if my sons grew up to think that their wives are supposed to be their servants that would mean i failed miserably. that's freaking gross. my MIL got super jealous of me when i got married to her son. she literally told me "you took my son from me and eventually i'll take yours" she tried so hard to make it into a competition especially with my oldest son. what she ended up doing is making all her grandchildren dislike her.

[@lilyy4427]

The acting in some of these is insane 😂

[@marygoround1292]

So glad my mom is normal. My mother-in-law too.