Anger, Repression, and Self-Expression: Using Your "Fight" Response | Being Well

Dr. Rick and I continue our series on the stress responses with the “fight” response to stress. We explore anger, repression, and the balance of self-expression and self-regulation before talking about how we can claim the adaptive aspects of the fight response without falling prey to its more problematic aspects. A major focus of the episode is resentment and repression, alongside related topics like empowering yourself, managing expectations, and “experiencing out.”
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:10 The useful aspects of anger
5:35 Specific behaviors associated with the fight response
8:30 Giving yourself permission to express anger
13:40 Navigating resentment
21:30 Thwarted expectations as a source of unhealthy anger
31:05 Claiming your anger, and being wary of the seductions of anger
34:45 Developing an authentic sense of empowerment
38:45 Going from complaint to request
42:45 Antidotes to unhealthy anger
52:15 Challenging authority without feeling intimidated or shamed
53:50 Discerning healthy anger we feel with ourselves
58:45 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
You can follow me here:
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🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson

[@ecstaticfrey1147]

I would love to hear an episode that focuses on the fawn response. ❤️ Thank you guys for making this episode it hit at a critical time for me. I tend towards anger repression and I've been trying to learn how to healthily feel and express anger as well as to be present with others' anger.

[@venussmith7709]

Beautifully done ! Now, I have another tool to utilize contemplating what you are for versus what you are against. I have been utilizingThich Nhat Hanh's recommendation to hold anger like a baby, which has helped me many times to console myself when I'm alone . When I am on the receiving end of anger to try to focus on my breathing or eye blinking to try to remain present .

[@NikMcPherson]

I hadn't heard of the fawn response before this and feel like it's my default, like Forrest. I'd love a full episode about it so I can hear a deep dive on it from you guys!

[@frenchfictionsteph]

LOVE THIS SO MUCH! Please do an episode specifically on fawn! 🙏✨

[@sabariel33]

« I’m powerful because I’m me. » « Turning energy of anger from what you’re against to what you’re for. » « It’s helpful to know you have the choice to express yourself, whether you do or not. » I came here today angry about some recent incidents, and wanting to understand this emotion in me, and how to handle it. Thank you for this insightful, thoughtful and nuanced discussion on anger and repression of it, and its ties to power, and choice. It was beautiful to see this energy of exchange between father and son. Another additional thought from French children’s book on emotions… « Anger wants to be heard. » Turning this energy into « Dignified fieriness, confident, whole-hearted, grave » gives us something to aspire to in transmuting anger. Thank you!

[@terryfowler-stewart1129]

I would like to hear a full episode on the fawn response. Thank you for your important and helpful discussions.

[@rileyspiller]

I REALLY like this series. It allowed me to identify my own stress response more clearly. I think you should circle back to "Faun" and give it a little more specific focus. And to complete the series you should do a "Flight" video so we can better understand the differences. Thanks for your work! It's helping people. It's helping me.

[@cmstephensen]

This is just so great! I’m working on processing anger from my childhood with my therapist, and this video has been incredibly insightful! Thank you to you both!

[@troyjacobs8530]

This episode was amazing. I'll think of more in depth feedback as I get to integrating what was talked about. You guys never miss.

[@olgatopilina365]

Amazing podcast, so full of insights. And i enjoyed your sweet father-son communications 🥰

[@halliebirds]

39:29 I’ve come a long way w expressing anger and healthyfully so, but I’m still learning how to receive it and sometimes feel shame about feeling defensiveness when anger is directed @ me, and I wonder if people can’t help, to an extent, but to react poorly when anger is expressed poorly. I’ve always struggled w suppression and the people I’ve been drawn to struggle w impulsivity and explosiveness

[@peacefulisland67]

A few months ago, I had an injury that required time off work and some physio. It also required a lot of paperwork, computer time and phone calls. These processes are always a test in patience for those of us uncomfortable in the realm. At one point, after several hours on the phone with insurance, I realized I was in the fortunate position to not really need the week or two of pay we were trying to settle, and there was that feeling of I can do this; I am capable of pursuing what is owed me, but my mental health is more important and there are other ways to serve my situation. That was huge. Generally I stop because I think "I can't". The liminal space is definitely growing from event to response. We may only have a set amount of band width, (not unlike fat cells!) but that width can be exercised to become more supple, flexible, and expandable.

[@smashton6633]

Definitely need a podcast on the fawn response!

[@Jonathan-hn8bg]

Thankyou Forrest. A very helpful episode (as always). A really interesting series. I would welcome a dedicated episode on the Fawn response- particularly if you think there may be additional content wrt the fight/flight/ freeze/ fawn body responses - if only for completeness. (Appreciate it may be similar to the self-abandonment episode content)

[@susiehooper2798]

Yes please, a full fawn response episode! 😊

[@kerryrobertson5672]

Repression piece was most helpful. Early childhood must be processed first if it was too dangerous to speak in any way. The Repression can be deep especially if one feels anger is wrong and judging others and you think you have let it go (you don't want to be like them, right?).. If not then it's actually repressed. Can lead to loss of physical strength over decades of repression.

[@gabrieladrago2126]

I would also love an Episode about fawn response :)

[@angelakh4147]

Full on fawn response episode please!

[@dublingirl1691]

I will definitely listen to this awesome episode again and maybe even a third time. It came to me at the perfect time. I can resonate with what both of you expressed in this very insightful discussion thanks so much. I would definitely love to hear an episode on the fawn response. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@hollyhobbles4790]

Wow I'm so thankful for finding this channel . Thank you both so much for this opportunity to learn ❤️ 🙏

[@susiehooper2798]

Thanks a great episode as always! Another useful angle would be handling other people's anger- appropriately or inappropriately expressed to you, particularly when the person receiving it has had a harsh or abusive upbringing. They may then respond with anger themselves, flight ,fawning or dissociation and may or may not be misperceiving what's infront of them.

[@sylviafairclough9825]

Hi - I really appreciate your podcasts. I have learnt a lot from them and also enjoy them. I would love you to follow up Rick's comments (17:00 - 17:40) - on the importance of learning how to stay in place with the anger of other people. My default is flee or fawn, and I'm working on developing an alternative strategy. Thanks so much for your insights.

[@TheGinnyhp]

Great episode as always! Interested in what Dr. Rick discussed about repressed sexuality with Freud. I wondered if "asexuality" could be a subject you both might tackle in the future?

[@yvanbrathwaite3787]

Man I absoluteeelllly love !!! this podcast. I love the feature when you summarise at the end. I love how your discussions take this explorative manner where what is shared just comes across as completely authentic. Last but not least, your relationship with your dad just exudes health and I love that. Thank you 🙏

[@EvolvingENFP]

26 year old here. I waa getting soo worried about being single for a year but looming back I've really grown and buult myself 😊 I'll keep on. Thank you for the video

[@Rose-gm9mm]

Yes please to the fawn response!

[@caseycoffman9692]

Would love to see a longer podcast episode with Dr. K as the guest.

[@peacefulisland67]

Oh, I just realized I read "Buddha's Brain" years ago, and it's full of underlines and notes! Still have it and that book is a part of a group that helped me shift from a destructive expression to a whole new orientation.

[@joannepellerin5950]

I loved this podcast - so insightful and helpful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your podcasts ❤

[@1234CDAB]

Another fantastic episode 🎉

[@SanctifiedLady]

Thank you guys for such great work!! I appreciate it!

[@ianni_luna]

such a great episode. please do one on the flight response.

[@amychen2504]

Really enjoying how much you two look alike. Also, good episode. :)

[@catherinecarter4934]

So great 😅

[@adrianaaviles1735]

a great eps!

[@somaticswithaudrey]

That thumbnail with your dad as a firefighter 😂

[@PaulaFagerholm]

The fawn response was discussed in the talk on self abandonment

[@Mushroom321-]

Great topic,i wish it was shorter.

[@user-bz6ec2nq9r]

I am a Patreon subscriber, and I’ve joined the podcast, where I’m supposed to get the ad-free version. As part of my membership, is the add-free version weekly, or only once per month? Thank you.

[@user-tx6lk9lo9c]

I took would like something on fawn response. Even better if it included a point on having to caretake an abusive therapist or cult system - relational power imbalances aren't just the stuff of childhood.

[@Window4503]

Isn’t that already what the self-abandonment episode is?

[@bethraflowers5799]

❤❤❤

[@peacefulisland67]

Protecting one's self or others doesn't have to be associated with anger, and fear also as an instinct has nothing to do with anger. Anger is a human layer on top. A misapprehension.