How to Become Less Avoidant | Being Well Podcast

[@jo1681]

I have been avoiding this episode for so long that I realized I have an avoidance problem

[@lizzzarduh]

So do I.

[@larsstougaard7097]

Avoidant my whole life time to change

[@RinaRinaRina19]

😁

[@honeyspoonbeewrangler4550]

I would love to hear some on malignant narcissism and the need to go no contact. This is not being avoidant but a way to protect from abuse. Thank you.

[@mayberry8620]

I’m about to leave my malignant narcissist Dad. I can’t be me with him always sabotaging any good in my ( or his) life. I’m going to try and get free. I watched my Mom die as she couldn’t leave the house after years of his cruelty as she helped him create his image of being a good man. I have to write down everything positive I’ve done to counteract his trying to make me become him. I believe in goodness and love. I am not sure how to survive as I have found treatment centers to be detrimental. I have no idea if I will make it yet I am going to try. I want his dogs, cat and me to have some time without him causing us to live in neglect and his shame, sex addiction and insanity.

[@LexinePishue]

@@mayberry8620 out here wishing you so much luck. I'm a year into no contact with my malignant narcissistic dad, and it's hard to disentangle but it's worth it. Look into some theraputic groups out there - Dr Ramani and Jay Reid have been really helpful for me! and al-anon can be a helpful really accessible framework too. You can do it, even through the holidays.

[@wendi2819]

​@@mayberry8620IMO have a plan. Tell no one and watch your back. He could be come violent. Just do this very quietly and privately. One therapist or person who he doesn't know at all needs to know where you are at all times. Best of luck.

[@julieprice488]

This is the best podcast. I’m messing up bad just because I get such anxiety it stops me doing ‘stuff’. Second time I’m listening, feel better about myself hearing your issues ,Dad, with paperwork. Thought I was so stupid etc. Bit by bit💪

[@crissbridge4694]

This was so very helpful. Looking at the pay off is a powerful way to get to the bottom of things. Thanks so much.

[@dmix2263]

Gosh I need to listen to these with a notepad. Seriously! Like a student!

[@Rover08]

47:35 Clarifying the High Road and Making a Sacred Choice in the core of your being. Really focus on the rewards of taking the high road.

[@re-combobulate2358]

cant thank you enough for talking about this. It fills in an unoccupied space to take the high road in heart and mind.

[@BeStillandKnow0000]

Ah! the section about the function of that mental activity is so helpful for someone like me. Thank you for helping me realize that.

[@liz3369]

Excellent discussion that truly brings greater awareness.

[@kenkenwelch]

Thanks for this episode! The first video I've watched from you and subbed! Something I am trying to work on, and appreciate the reframing to be more self-compassionate.

[@woolaroundtheworld]

Thanks for the episode. Thats something we all kinda need

[@charlesclegg6467]

I think I found some value in this at a time when I keep adding to my plate but don’t want to lose was the progress that I’ve made. As a serial procrastinator but also someone that believes in continual self-evaluation and improvement I think exercising some of the methods you both described will be very beneficial. I’ve subscribed to the KZbin channel solely on this video and I think I’ll peruse you guys on Spotify. Thank you for putting this out. I’m very frugal but if I continue to find value after this point I’ll contribute to your efforts on patreon but again, thank you.

[@gdmnsdgl]

Really needed this, thanks

[@clairvoyant896]

I love and appreciate your videos!!

[@rsh793]

I had never heard the "froggy" tale - thank you - it's a wonderful one to use :)

[@Sunny-vm4ry]

OMGosh!!! You Lively Guyz...and you R a Coupla Dudes! LOL!!... have OUTDONE yourselves!! The letting those scary hard feelings roll through has changed my LIFE!! SO GLAD ur getting the word out! This video is just chock-Block FULL of useful!! UR Givin' me CHILLS..N MILS A SMILES!! THANK YOU THANK YOU 💜

[@sosororo4891]

Thank you

[@arbez101]

Wait a minute Dr. Rick, good Sir. Although I agree with your suggestion that a persons fear is likely and more often derived from their intellect and not their intuition, at around 22:00 you ask "what would you feel if it actually happened." In you example of a plane crash, it would be lights out, so there'd be no way for them to explore or report on what it'd feel like to die. With the bankruptcy example, yes, I can see the exercise working for that. I'd also suggest that you can't really tell someone their plane is not going to crash, or that they're not going bankrupt. You can suggest the low probability of the event happening, but it can't be categorically ruled out. I think the thrust of your point is to make the person aware of the impedance that fear presents to their ability to cope and thrive, and how by "experiencing " the fear they can better understand how the fear is self fabricated, and thereby optional.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Dr Ramini is an expert on narcissism. Pathological relationships are trauma bonds

[@roxannelane5985]

Hit well for me at 32:00. Great advice and knowledge. 👏🏽🙌🏽

[@artwithmamafairybreadd]

This is very helpful xo from Australia

[@elizabethash4720]

I feel my avoidance and anxiety is to control and deflect a sting, whether real or imaginary, I never know, but it makes me feel safe.

[@gardeniabee]

In attempting to make sense of relationship confusion, what causes so much pain that it borders on nausea? I keep revisiting the circumstances (repeated avoidant behavior/cancellation by friend, of our plans) - - I revisit circumstances to understand. And I experience intense pain.

[@angelmossucco]

Wow❤❤ What’s the payoff or function to choices actions, beliefs …EVEN those thwt appear harmless. All choices hsve a subconscious payoffor purpose.if that purpose is unhealthy the choice or belief may need to be examined.

[@mayberry8620]

It’s different if you don’t want to be like the people who have raised you. I don’t even understand cooking as my Dad has made it so difficult and has blocked me from all self efficacy

[@olive2.0.2live3]

I know this is a tough 1111

[@tammyb8742]

So instead of "just keep swimming" it should be "just keep churning"

[@mayberry8620]

Oops didn’t mean to add a smiley face.

[@peggygarcia1131]

22.15

[@zacharystrohschein6997]

RESPITE 30:38 🎯

[@annal.2324]

Is the man your relative?

[@corneliusprentjie-maker6715]

look at their noses. Entonthes at the beginning he days... hi dad. :p But they do have good complementing conversation... think the relationship helps to know each other and the subject... enough to display it to others.

[@annayra6458]

feeling the urge to avoid this vid right now

[@mayberry8620]

I don’t think this works if you’ve already had your animals die, watched your Mom die and been raised by two malignant narcissists and been to 11 treatment centers where 3 got shut down due to abusing clients and causing you to have seizures due to medication mismanagement. Or you’ve been stalked and had exboyfriends drug you, tie you up and show you a blood stained shirt of a prostitute in Las Vegas and having your Mom just say “ you know your a pain when you drink, just be more loving and he won’t need to kill you”. I’m trying so hard to learn normal human behavior, I didn’t even know other people weren’t afraid to leave their apartment as I was so trained to be victimized. My parents controlled me or neglected me and made me the identified patient. I am trying to learn about the world, as with no real know,edge and living isolated with a malignant narcissist due to him controlling the money and understanding I don’t have adult coping skills. I need to learn healthy behavior yet my Dad has caused 3 caretakers to quit and I know from trying to leave before that I don’t know enough to survive with healthy coping skills. My parents just followed their obsessions and I was punished for doing self care 😊

[@ILOVEMARYWEATHER]

Thank you