Signs they're emotionally unavailable

[@ironeousaudio]

Nobody is more busy than the person who is not into you.

[@andrea.dandelion]

Oof. Very well said.

[@titavaughns7698]

What? I'm confused

[@VerenaSatriani]

Pedro Millan totally agree with this one. When peope say "I am busy", it is a sign to change direction. Thank you Pedro. Have a great day.

[@nerdfightercommenter6969]

Or they are into you but are emotionally unavailable.

[@ironeousaudio]

@@nerdfightercommenter6969 literally...

[@aidanabekenova2356]

Emotially unavailable people sometimes are unavailable even for themselves. it is hard for them to understand their own emotions and feelings, and they just need more time to adjust to this new person in their lives and feelings that this person can bring

[@morenamangiaracina5850]

So true, and sometimes it is easier to focus on someone else's life and needs than yours. Then, you realise that you spent years of your life listening to anyone but yourself.

[@prosperenfantinylosgeograf2721]

Happened to me. A girl was into me and I was so confused I truly didn't know what I felt. But it got better, thank god.

[@chiaranajmatunmunirobidaya2395]

I wonder if my crush...

[@Hengni-uu9gu]

so well said, i love this. it’s so easy to resent people for things that they do not even yet understand merely because we are affected by it in the slightest so this was a good reminder

[@Isabel-mz7rm]

WHY THANK YOU, you‘ve put it in words!!

[@geniea501]

Our childhood really won't let us go lol.

[@rightfulrash]

Yeah lol :'

[@ojxolape]

Ikr! :(

[@donttriphoe916]

😂😂

[@LoreMIpsum-vs6dx]

Ouch. Well said. Too true.

[@franny7997]

Yes ahahahah ahah ah...

[@mahaagro7783]

Does anyone else make these fantasies in their head about their future partner but whenever things progress in that direction, they freak out and self-sabotage?

[@motlagomangmakoe4456]

Me

[@awakenow7147]

When I look back in retrospect, I think I've done that once now that you mention it. Don't think I realized it at the time.

[@navyawarrier4513]

All the time because I KNOW how I myself will behave and feel if that person doesn't meet my expectations & desires so why even bother 🤦😭🤣that's what I think.

[@shylo0513]

It just happened and I'm in the middle of a crisis....

[@chonkybenetgods]

Meee

[@april-kn2vr]

signs they’re emotionally unavailable: i’m attracted to them lol

[@jasongates-]

Why do I find your comment attractive?

[@marionicilalune]

Never has there been an attack this personal since Caesar was stabbed

[@april-kn2vr]

Marion G. i put Julius Caesar to shame

[@txmie]

lol

[@SwedishTourist]

Hahaha yes same girl

[@crazykenna]

Me: I love deep conversations! Also Me: You know too much about me and therefore I will never talk to you again.

[@Lifeishard237]

Omg me

[@mariee_e]

Yeah! Cuz now they’re too close and they can see all ur flaws. Fall back, please LMAO

[@akshatakardale2008]

Same

[@goldcherries]

Lol same. I want deep conversation, but then a person a talks too much and I get so agitated.

[@peradabanbaruindonesia1546]

You describing my entire life. Damn

[@Hengni-uu9gu]

I clicked on this thinking that I would learn why the guy i was talking to ghosted me but instead learned IM EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE edit: hey guys update we emotionally unavailable together now

[@lexi6183]

OMG SAME. I feel like I just found out I was the murderer at the end of a murder mystery.

[@spaces3345]

Girl. So me. I'm learning more about me than I know about me lol😯😯

[@Julie-bh5yg]

SAME

[@NallahBrown]

We love reflections hahaha!!

[@ugaboogauga]

Same

[@maxxchewning]

This is my life, why are you attacking me

[@toagaaco]

same

[@bobthebuilderday6leader]

Ouch

[@lokeshchander8679]

i felt the same lol

[@kristinepinlac2796]

Same

[@spiderscurry5614]

pls change

[@snowylilac371]

"very often emotional unavailability is just a coping mechanism" me: oh "from our childhood" me: oh.

[@AH-tu3km]

Hello I am an emotionally unavailable individual. I know it can make me difficult to deal with, but it's never a reflection of the person I'm dating. If you're dating someone who is emotionally unavailable and you feel like it's something you did, it's probably not. Idk who needs to hear this but you are enough, your feelings are valid, and you can't love them into loving you.

[@jakemochi]

I cried when I read this, it's so hard to like someone who's emotionally unavailable, I have been there too, however I hope he gets better :(

[@akshara487]

@@jakemochi don't wait around. Find someone better

[@LH62579]

What a kind thing to say

[@jonathanlatulippe6301]

It's not you.. it's me

[@danielj5266]

Thank you for saying this so beautifully ❤🙏

[@AdriFon1]

That moment when I came here to see if the person I'm into is emotionally unavailable but then realized I AM THE ONE WHO IS EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE 😶

[@CRFSUIGENERIS]

😂 me too!

[@rasamasala]

BIG oof. That's me as well...

[@gabbygriggs]

Lmfao same. I left feeling attacked 😂

[@YoungO-un8ul]

Yup! That was the point. Anna is a human venus flytrap ...or a venus guytrap!

[@oyindamolaabejide4078]

Same 😭

[@mihayuli]

I am, was avoidant in relationships. I cannot stress enough how much therapy helped me get out of my unhealthy patterns and form deep meaningful connections with others. To any person struggling with this, there is hope. It just means a lot of work but it is worth it. By avoiding, being unavailabe you not only keep away hurt, rejection, heartbreak but also genuine love and affection of the real you that you hide away.

[@mihayuli]

@user flamingo Well, I have been to various therapists and everyone helped me a bit. However, what I found most helpful for me was schema therapy and therapy based on attachment theory.

[@jcn____]

Is it okay to feel this way when you're 16? Like a phase?

[@mihayuli]

@@jcn____ I think you know best if this harms your relationships and you connection with other people. f this is something that is bothering you or you dont feel ok with this than it means it is not ok for you. Age has very little to do with it. I was like that at 16 and it didnt just go away until I did something about it.

[@jcn____]

@@mihayuli omg thank you so much for answering! I clearly realised that something is wrong with me. I think I hurt some people because I have these symptoms. Like when someone asking me for a date and they said they have a feeling for me, I push them away because I have these expectations and insecurities of a relationship. So I thought maybe It's just a puber thing, and I start avoiding people and not open up about it.

[@aitanallopis3651]

@@jcn____ are we the same person?

[@AJ-em2rb]

i feel so attacked, but emotionally unavailable isn't something i'd have ever used to describe myself until today. damn...

[@VerenaSatriani]

AJ and it's okay. Circumstances in our pass shaped us uncontrolably. And you have the power to make a change my friend. Have a great day to you.

[@atrisha5179]

HELLO SAME. I'M SHOOKETH

[@Eredhell]

Same😂 can we start a support group? I personally don't know how to handle this new information about myself

[@funitshiko7960]

Same 💔

[@Sailor.Catracha]

Lol 2020 isn't done with us

[@ReynaSingh]

A relationship with someone whose emotionally unavailable is always one sided.

[@jjaa_joyjoyartist]

Tell me about it

[@chocolatefudgebrownl]

Weird thing is the more we care or love you we distance ourself more.

[@mschrisfrank2420]

In my experience, it’s unbalanced but not completely one sided. My ex met all of the criteria but he also was there for me sometimes. The problem is that he was unreliable-I was rewarded with loving behavior just often enough to keep me thinking it was possible for him to change.

[@jjaa_joyjoyartist]

@@mschrisfrank2420 That's sad but kind of relatable. Sometimes even the smallest of things gave me enough hope that he cared to last for longer than it should've.

[@impalanotaming]

Ikr

[@etheriaa]

Huh, i'm more emotionally unavailable than i realized... cool. Cool cool cool.

[@Alexandra-st7fm]

is that a community reference?

[@maila2359]

high five here!

[@apurvaballal4620]

@@Alexandra-st7fm No, I think this is Brooklyn 9-9

[@btdtpro]

I really don't want to talk about this right now.

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

😂

[@adelem2211]

Omg I just heard my ex's voice while reading this 😂😂😂😂😂

[@amberhampton978]

Oh gawd me

[@SamElle]

LOL I'm secretly afraid of getting close to anyone cos I rather never get hurt... aaaaaand this is why I shall forever be single

[@Earth2Quint]

You’re my girlfriend now. Bam, not single anymore.

[@rightfulrash]

Same girl. Same.

[@macandcheese__]

same, same.

[@allibee9854]

I've already gotten really hurt before and I don't wanna get hurt again so same 😂

[@SamElle]

@@Earth2Quint i wish it was that simple HAHA

[@Nathankinamorh]

Is 2020 being 2020 a valid excuse for being emotionally unavailable ? asking for a friend...

[@進撃の花音さん]

No! (Answering for a friend)

[@InfiniteAndMortal]

Valid excuse for me

[@jasongates-]

2020 requires everyone be emotionally unavailable to everyone. "Social Distancing." We can't be available when we're required by law / rules to keep our distance, and cover our face to hide our facial expressions, such as smiles to show that we're happy. So, yes, valid excuse.

[@CocoaHerBeansness]

@@jasongates- physical distance doesn't equate to emotional distance. Everyone I know has been a lot more open, considerate and talkative (but over the phone) since lockdown. I live in a small town and everyone talks over the garden fence each evening, ESPECIALLY with elderly neighbors to check they're ok.

[@CocoaHerBeansness]

@TinyTinTeeth why didn't you get him a mask and food with nutrition?

[@alexnewman4360]

I was expecting to find a bunch of comments on people who have been in "relationships" with an emotionally unavailable person, not find out that every single comment IS an emotionally unavailable person :((

[@Zoya194]

Hahaha

[@avadavoudi338]

hahahaha facts like damn we gon be dealing with these people for a while😭

[@louleloup2607]

I'm actually someone who's not emotionally available but was in a relationship with one

[@stolenqueen_]

“Be vulnerable” I’m sorry my pride won’t let me

[@devinaghose9318]

ikr i literally did a exaggerated gasp saying, nO nEver

[@margafess7175]

My gf used to be emotionally unavailable when I first met her, I was clear about liking her as more than a friend and she said she wanted to be just friends and of course I respected that and decided to get to know her as a friend in the pace that she wanted, without expecting anything more. Six months went by and we talked every day. We're together almost a year now. And we're not just friends 😂 Emotionally unavailable people always have a huge story behind them and it's so hard to figure out what has happened to them. I do believe that everybody needs to share their story with someone at some point, it's a big relief knowing there's people you can trust.

[@LYlmaz]

or they're just not into us.

[@Gleamorous]

no.

[@benjaminchen4367]

That doesn't sound like emotional unavailability it just sounds like she wasn't into you at first lmao

[@alexcarter2461]

That just sounds like being aloof, like she wasnt into you, unless their enthusiastic during the intial meeting phase then I dont bother.

[@bladeinterlinked]

so you're telling me there's a chance..

[@itshazel5193]

'how emotionally unavailable are _you_ ?' me: pfft no way thats me- *has all the traits mentioned*

[@macroxela]

These are good things to watch out for but you should always take them within context. For example, someone may never have been in a relationship due to focusing on school, career, or travel and only now they feel ready for a relationship. Or they grew up in a small town without any dating scene. That's why communication is important. Using labels like these willy-nilly will only perpetuate problems, in this case making the person without relationship experience 'undesirable' and thus making it difficult for them.

[@Mochi_Stars97]

True. I used to think of myself as a very study oriented person thus I wasn't anle to date. Turns out, the trauma of my childhood is just to wild.

[@lettherebecassie]

Yes!! I also thought I was just a heartless monster, turns out there was a lot of trauma and the environment just wasn't helping me.

[@theredcoffeemaker]

Or ur aromantic

[@brians9016]

At least watching this actually helped realise that Emotional Unavailability is not my problem. So that's one item crossed of my list. It was touch and go for one or two of the characteristics Anna presented but, like you say, context is a factor (in my opinion, it always is). Side-note: One of my favourite parts was how the one who was avoiding labels was actually open to talk about why. Kept thinking that they could work it out as long as they communicated hahaha

[@chiaranajmatunmunirobidaya2395]

@@lettherebecassie omg this is exactly happened to me

[@manglesmusic]

Last year, I was interested in someone who I now realize was emotionally unavailable. He definitely showed a lot of these signs and it's good to recognize that so I can move on.

[@briannacollins5561]

I felt so called out by emotional unavailability. I acknowledge that I am and it's something I'm genuinely working on and that it's difficult to let myself be vulnerable but I feel like if I get into a relationship with someone who isn't that I'm holding them back. I want to be better so I'm so glad that you brought up this topic and inspire people to become better!

[@corneliussmith5875]

Honestly being vulnerable is hard but when you can be yourself with your partner it’s the best.

[@aditiyadav5833]

" *..childhood* " And here we go again.

[@marylinmanuel1088]

Just realized that I was chasing an emotionally unavailable person, while being emotionally unavailable 😀

[@skinnyfatz8483]

im a 32 year old man and am done with relationships in general including friendships. i only care about certain family members, im more than emotionally unavailable IM EMOTIONLLY DONE

[@diamondunicorn2421]

Some people are emotionally unavailable because they are emotionally holding on to someone else.

[@dustersinternational]

@diamondunicorn 💎 100% I have come across these men who are like this, funny how my presence brought some ex out of the closet!!! The story goes like, that person gets back with ex, the ex & they split up.... And I am on my ship 👋 wish you were here, Not !!!

[@diamondunicorn2421]

@@dustersinternational right!! Sail on my friend! Sail on!! 💯🤣

[@dustersinternational]

@@diamondunicorn2421 😂 pull that ⚓up quick and get moving to 🌴🌞⛵paradise with no stowaways PERIOD

[@msdenise1234567]

Anna pls never stop being our digital psychologist/ friend

[@hotsauce0606]

I’m emotionally unavailable at the moment and it was helpful to hear that it can be just temporary. I went thru a breakup that hit me really hard just months before the pandemic, and since then it’s been a really stressful time. I crave intimacy and connection but at the same time it’s incredibly difficult to let myself feel close to anyone, friendly or romantic. It’s a really tough time for me right now, but it weighs on me knowing how emotionally fragile I feel at the moment. I don’t wanna feel disconnected from myself and my emotions, but in these times of stress and overwhelm, it’s really tough to stay regulated.

[@sonias9722]

"Do you fear that a relationship means you'll lose yourself, your identity and your independence?" Wait... You're saying it _doesn't_ mean that? 😯

[@athenapallas7686]

+++

[@hummpingcarrot]

"I've never been in a relationship. I want to, it's just that every man is awful." Way to call me out. I realize I'm an anxious attachment with some tendencies to avoidance

[@bsbbernal]

the art that goes into Anna's short creative visualizations is amazing. I just thought to point out

[@paginaventisei]

I spent the first 5 months of my relationship being avoidant and emotionally unavailable without even realizing. Luckily enough, my boyfriend always believed in us and waited for me to realize stuff and adjust to our relationship without feeling uncomfortable. We're celebrating our first anniversary this month ❤️

[@andrea.dandelion]

"I didn't say any of that... but I THOUGHT it!!" I bet so many ppl can relate with that 😅

[@momotheelder7124]

'How dare you joke about something I joke about that is actually real??' Love the self awareness!!

[@zahrazakipoor5954]

I read how toxic it is to be in a relationship with a person who is emotionally unavailable! Well, you just broke it to me that I am emotionally unavailable! Or maybe I already knew=/

[@veronicaveronica5438]

Anna: how emotionally unavailable are you? Me: yes.

[@kurtlim7]

"Are u scared to fall in love because u might get hurt again?" YUP 😅

[@santox_digitalx1981]

Anna Akana is that one therapeutic friend that speaks for adults, young adults and older teenagers. We need an Anna Akana in our lives 😭

[@glorianguyen1102]

You know you're emotionally unavailible when you crave for love and conections, but whenever you developed feelings for someone, you got so scared of the idea of being vulnerable to someone, you self sabotage by dropping hints on how much you don't want a relationships ultimately ruining your chances with the person. It's me and i'm trying so so so so hard to break this habits

[@yasdaiana]

Actually I fell for a guy that kept his options open and wasn’t that interested in any of us. I backed away, realized he was emotionally unavailable and, reading more about the topic, I found out *I’m also emotionally unavailable (yay!)* which is why I attracted him and we were mirroring each other. The human psyche is fun!!!

[@schauschau2552]

i feel attacked in this chilli's tonight

[@ginaholly522]

Whenever I start obsessively thinking of someone and anxiety, fear of abandonment and all those shitty feelings kick in, I swear to God you are the only thing that helps me soothe it all!!! I've tried talking to friends, reading articles, watching animated explanatory videos of attachment theory, listening to podcast, but still, you are the only one able to make me focus and relax! I love how you always manage to put your ideas forward without being judgy and without attacking! You've helped me realize so much about myself (especially through ur recommendation on the "Attached" book). You are my favourite go-to online guru

[@ShellLiza]

Anna coming in like a mfkn SAV. One of the most well rounded youtubers in my opinion. Creativity, vulnerability, honesty, strong consistent following, good visuals and editing, open about sponsors, self reflective and CATS.

[@aerialtaprootanalysis6117]

you have no idea how much i appreciated all of this, from the animation and the message behind this. Honestly, this is a huge reality check for me, I am definitely someone who has emotional issues and a weird attachment style. We should always look at ourselves first, before villainizing the opposing threat or person who wronged us. Self improvement is something we should all work on, to be a better version of ourselves.

[@BritneyMakara]

I was calling myself emotionally unavailable while currently isolating from my boyfriend because I couldn’t converse on a deeper level, so this upload alert really felt personal lmaoo

[@natalietadros980]

Relatable

[@glimm_0809]

This was so relatable, especially 1:31 I am really good at talking about deep topics with others and when they share something from their life I am good at helping them and talking with them about it, but as soon as it's something "too" personal I either overshare and either become extremely attached or I will try avoiding that person, or something just shuts off and I literally build my walls up as soon as I get the feeling that they will ask something like that. I feel really bad for being so emotionally unavailable because I do care and love some people a lot, but am terrible at showing it and as soon as they give some back I get scared and push them away, and I feel so bad for being like that and possibly hurting them, I also give out mixed signals since sometimes I shower them with attention, "affection* and "love" (not physically because idk why, but I can't do that, I write them letters and stuff but I don't know how to physically show them affection and love, idk how that really feels like and it feels unfamilar so it's like weird and it feels so unknown to me) and other times itimacy scares me too much so I end up pushing them away most of the time I don't even recognize it and recognize it only when the relationship falls apart, and I want to have deep connections and trust people but it's just so scary (Pls I am also scared of labels lmao, when my crush asked me if we should be in a relationship I literally got so scared and said something like "How about we are like dating, but not dating, so we are not girlfriends, but still being close and flirting and stuff and just like, until you fall in love with someone else, or maybe me but unrealistic, and then we just tell eachother and end our romantical part of our talking or relationship thingy" and I really screwed up and now we rarely talk and I miss her so much like, wtf, why did I even say that]

[@LiaStari35]

Watching this I realized... I am emotionally unavailable ✨ great let me jot that one down for my therapist

[@SaraLongsChannel]

"I'm in this picture and I don't like it"

[@Morganstudios]

I was married for 14 years, got cheated on and divorced after all the lies made me crazy. She took 60% and eventually our child as well (to another state). I've been interested in dating, but then I find I'm not ready to commit to the next person after dating for a while and finding I don't think they are "the one", but I'm still cool with dating. Also I like to do a lot of projects and tend to get obsessed with work....so yeah, lol, now I'm pretty unavailable I guess even though I had an 18 year relationship previously(tack on 4 years of dating to the marriage). Maybe I was somewhat emotionally unavailable even in my marriage (due to obsession with my artistic projects) but I was absolutely committed to my family.

[@SwedishTourist]

I can be emotionally unavailable, oh yes. It’s not like I’m ghosting or not showing interest... I would never try to hurt someone intentionally. Like, never ever. But I’m freaked out of being hurt, it’s been like that since childhood and it didn’t get better when my first relationship ended with ghosting and cheating. Sometimes for me it’s also about choosing one person when I could find others, and often I find myself trapped and suffocated when dating instead of being single.

[@VerenaSatriani]

"They avoid deeper conversation", It just they don't want to be attached with something deeper, like deep relationship/serious relationship for example.

[@richaer]

I'm a bit freaked out at how accurately this describes me. Perhaps saying this publicly in the KZbin comments section for all the world's judgement is the first step towards becoming more emotionally available

[@freyaegrey]

I only need one sign. Do I like them? Then yes, they’re emotionally unavailable.

[@grey3318]

Don't mind me, just gonna keep watching your videos this week because they're honestly exactly what I need to hear right now. Chill out my expectations, accept that being vulnerable is okay, acknowledge my own shortcomings and make steps to work on them.

[@bagelbum]

I know I'm emotionally unavailable. I've always wanted a real relationship, but I never get into them. I'm too scared so I just have people I go to whenever I'm bored, and want some affection as it's the closest thing I can get to a relationship. I wish I wasn't like this, but now I know I need to do some self work.

[@DarkLordGanondorf190]

That emotional wall was actually part of a work evaluation I once got: You can converse on a variety of topics, even personal ones, deeply and engagingly, but without giving the other person so much as a smidgen of personal info about yourself. I'm now off to google "Avoidant".

[@lookintok]

I have spent years being alone just to fix that problems I had about myself now that I have fixed them I run into people that are everything that you said. So dating is kinda hard now

[@rafiqrashad392]

Me: How are you today? Her: I'm fine . Me: asking myself why she didn't ask how I'm ?

[@annabelle7123]

This just really reminds me of someone immature. I hope it's not just about age for being 20s, though those are vulnerable times. Not being to describe feelings and avoiding labels, avoiding and not showing affections, and avoiding personal deep conversations. I feel like I'm also becoming scaree and unready. Those animations all looked like me! Thanks for bringing these great topics!

[@edwardthach1849]

0:59 I feel personally attacked.

[@mixtapewrecker]

I was always emotionally unavailable and this is why I always liked people who I know would not like me back. I always knew this about myself and this is why I found it so hard to actually like someone. I have never really truly liked anyone, just meaningless crushes.

[@Dan-Black]

I *LOVE* the image at 2:30 -- guarding her heart! Did you do that, Anna? I'm guessing so, since you've shared similar artwork in the past. Either way, kudos to whoever created that!

[@mintketchup3681]

All art and animation in this and most of Annas videos was made by Beth Radloff (bethberad) :)

[@Dan-Black]

@@mintketchup3681 - Thanks! It's very nicely done, and that one is just so perfect!

[@crushchr0nicles]

watching this has made me realise not only how emotionally unavailable my ex was, but how he did NOT seem like he wanted to improve himself at all

[@mguanipa2]

I honestly can't tell if I'm emotionally unavailable or just not in love with my certain surrounding right now that I see no reason to really be with someone. Ya I'm emotionally unavailable. FML

[@tiffanypersaud3518]

True. Thanks for describing what emotional unavailability is. Some people are just not ready and they should be respectfully upfront about that before getting too involved.

[@roj6895]

“who do you think you are ?? someone who listens to me?!?”

[@swisstrader]

60 year old dude here. Run don’t walk away from emotionally detached or unavailable mates. Complete and absolute time wasters, especially while there are so many terrific ppl out there full of life, love and authenticity.

[@Marina_DU]

I clicked this thinking the title was: Signs *you* are emotionally unavailable Anyway... I'm not disappointed

[@kayleerojas7361]

Man throughout my whole life I was taught to never be vulnerable cuz people take advantage of you but I’ve fallen so deep into it I’m working on it

[@yyante]

me, a highly emotional and expressive person, fell in love with an emotionally unavailable person who ended up breaking up with me : )

[@francelu5220]

The things the she said were all true and I couldn’t agree more. If the person you’re dealing with shows one of these signs, believe them. Never force someone to be with you and make excuses for them. Be true of the things that you really want in the beginning and do not be scared about it. You will know how the person reacts about it. No one is perfect. But find someone that be in the same page as yours. If that person isn’t sharing the same values and perspectives in life, let go and move forward. It would save you from wasting time and heartaches in the long run.

[@letiziareis.]

Me thinking yes I am going through a stressful experience called LIFE.... I guess I will be emotional unavailable forever

[@georgepalmer5497]

When I was growing up I had some intense emotions I didn't dare express. As a result I was withdrawn and sullen, but I still had friends. I'm not sure how different I am from other guys. They've told me of experiences that I had too. I was well adjusted. But when I was fifteen I started getting hit with tons of anxiety, and I shut down. I've pretty much been solitary for the rest of my life - up to now that I am very nearly 65 years old. I've learned to embrace my solitude. The internet is a big resource for me because I can communicate with people without the tension of a face to face encounter.

[@doncorleonen3521]

I dont know if im emotionally unavailable, i got out of a relationship early this year and after more than 6 months im finally learning to be happy again, and rediscovering myself in my journey of healing. I like people, and i can be vulnerable to them but i dont want to be in a relationship bc im still busy working on myself.

[@BeGlamourlicious]

I was super unavailable after an extreme extrem break up. My heart was absolutely broken. It was a good experience for me. I was always looking for love and now I was in a state of not looking for love at all. It was one of the best experiences I ever had.

[@BabvBlues]

love u !

[@gyroh6593]

I’m no longer afraid of getting close to someone and getting hurt because if I live by this fear, I’m gonna miss out on good opportunities. And also guess what? When you put that wall in front of you to “stay safe from getting hurt”, when someone good leaves you, IT STILL HURTS. The wall is an illusion, just make it easy for you and be vulnerable.

[@MisspokenOne]

“Be vulnerable” inside my mind I just hear the sound of No being shouted.

[@Josecito777]

You can be vulnerable, and as matter of fact you WILL BE vulnerable in certain times when you are in a long term relationship. Once enough trust is built you can lay down your guard just a little bit and test the ground. Never ever be vulnerable without the 100% trust factor. It will only give the power to the other person and that's something you don't ever want

[@iamlilethh]

just in time when I am in the verge of liking an emotionally unavailable guy, him saying that he is not yet ready for commitment slowly eats me up inside even though he promised to only see me. Heart's had been broke too many times. lol

[@sophiawestwood1373]

this feels like wanting to solve a murder mystery only to find out at the end that im the murderer instead

[@cragonoskritirea2982]

This is oddly extremely relatable and may shed light to a problem I have that will hinder me from true happiness and acceptance but I’ll choose to ignore it with the excuse that I’m mentally making myself think I think like this....

[@malingpalsu]

Oh no i said yes to all of the questions 😭😭😭 why u calling me outtiee

[@CocoaHerBeansness]

no one called out 'outtiee'! You are ren.

[@ulisesgonzalezzuniga7550]

If you are emotionally available, and stumble upon a non emotionally available person and they blow you off, turn around and move on. They are not ready for you and if is not your job to get them ready. Have some self love and respect what and who you are. Putting that effort into this person will wear you out and make you double guess everything.

[@mitsyhernandezz]

Damn you really called me out. I am hella emotionally unavailable.

[@VerenaSatriani]

itsmitsy we can change the way we act towards life. You are the change dear. And you are amazing.

[@sarahdraper1367]

Been there, done that. It is a soul sucking experience and depletes you if your self worth. Do yourself a huge favor and leave before the damage is done.

[@MissSpiderRider]

Ah so I'm emotionally unavailable, that makes sense

[@rickwilliamson9510]

Spot on again Anna. My wife became emotionally unavailable after being diagnosed with MS. Keep up the great work, thank you.

[@basaksungur9068]

This is literally me, but I love to talk about my emotions, how can that be? I always talk about my past relationships. (But I'm not good at actually understanding which emotion I have, my therapist said my parents never thought me to identify my emotions and they gave mixed signals like laughing when I was upset) HOW DO WE FIX THIS??

[@PhotonBeast]

Start by describing what you're experiencing without naming it first. Like instead of "I'm feeling anxious about leaving the house to go to this party.", do "My heart is racing. I have a lot of restless energy. I feel resistant to going outside." Once you can start to describe what's happening, then you can start to give a name to it or maybe even recontextualize your feelings. Maybe you can start to recognize and confront that that anxiety because you can describe that it's not coming from anything. Or you may realize that in some situations, it's not anxiety but nervousness about something specific; maybe you're actually nervous about going to that party because you know your crush will be there and you want to impress. Otherwise, you're just going try fix a problem and/or try to grow personally without actually understanding what is actually happening.

[@Nuan07]

That transition from the animated scene back to you was amazing!

[@RialuCaos]

Huh, so this is what people would call me if they were actually interested.

[@jt9148]

I was emotionally vulnerable once and ended up getting abused. I didn't know that he would use it to manipulate me. He was such a sicko. Set your boundaries before reveling to someone.

[@Pixelflames1]

Omg I'm emotionally unavailable for life.

[@awesome_by_default]

"Lack of serious relationships" damnit you hit right on the head for me. I've been sheltered for a lot of my life as a "about to turn 21" year old guy so I struggle with anxiety. My anxiety might be creating an assumed idea that "I'm too anxious for anyone to ever be able to see me that way" making me just deny the possibility. I can think of one example in particular of someone I met that could've gone somewhere but I just denied the possibility at the time and by the time I realized my mistake, it was too late. I want to be better, and I'm trying but anxiety is a difficult thing.

[@CocoaHerBeansness]

what is 'the work' though? I'm fully aware I'm emotionally unavailable but have NO CLUE how to get better at it! Also, I'm not sure I want to be.

[@coni3538]

Speaking with a therapist will be very beneficial if you want to do the work. They can guide you. If you're not ready for that, I've heard (and Anna has talked about) Attached. by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller is a good book that discusses the different attachement styles. I've only started it, so I don't know much more than that right now. Hope this was helpful.

[@clau7522]

Cocoa i am in the exact same situation as you! The thing is people tell me i am naturally closed about my emotions but i don't even realise it

[@CocoaHerBeansness]

@@coni3538 what I don't understand is why everyone treats it like a problem. I'm closed because being open hurt. Why would I 'do the work' to make myself open to hurt? presumably, my natural instinct exists for a reason? like how Freud insisted everyone unearth trauma no matter how painful and it turns out he just damaged people further.

[@coni3538]

@@CocoaHerBeansness It's a problem if you see it as a problem, thinking it's negatively affecting your life. If you're fine with it, then there's no problem.

[@sonnenblume2720]

@@coni3538 iam reading this book right now! and it is really great, helps a lot to understand why i react the way i do

[@salsybeela]

They run away from problems, something that can be avoided with simple communication leads to something massively huge.

[@weeblewooblewop]

coping mechanisms amirite?

[@jasongates-]

That's a possibility.