Anon's adventure at the grocery store

Music:
• Muzak - Music of 80's ...

[@cognozzle]

Oh wow. I actually wrote that and I remember that specific trip to the grocery store. It was bought up about a year later and they stopped giving rebates to seniors. They still kept coming and messing up the place. I moved away a few months ago. Thanks for the memories.

[@burialgoods]

Thank you for what I consider one of my favorite greentexts of all time, hope I did it justice.

[@cognozzle]

@@burialgoods You did. Put it in my favorites.

[@ElricWilliam]

You know pennies are still legal tender right? Just because they arnt making them no moa doesnt mean they arnt legal, Banks and other financial institutions will take them and use the mints buy back program. I had a 50 from the 70s I spent not knowing what I had...damn did i feel dumb that day lol

[@seriousdraw]

@insertswear It must be nice to know more people paid attention to the story than the (you)s you got implied. I was able to imagine it vividly thanks to your writing skills. Thanks for that. (What the hell board was this even posted on?)

[@cognozzle]

@@seriousdraw It was on /b/ IIRC.

[@thepotatoshow1887]

This strikes that perfect balance of being genuinely sad and fucking hilarious.

[@frogman3740]

It's so fucked up and I can't stop laughing

[@usernameig975]

My thoughts precisely

[@MONKEY_BEAM]

what these poor fellows are going through is absolutely tragic, and it's infuriating how the people who are supposed to care for them are just letting them loose with no help at all but the man on a mission to stuff multiple deep fryers in the freezer had me laughing to the point of tears

[@rushi5638]

When anon said "my turn comes" at the cash register, all I could think was "oh it will". Old age is equal parts horror and comedy.

[@Tattlebot]

It's not really sad. Being out of the house does them good, even if they make mistakes.

[@akihikosakurai4013]

Just like sisyphus, tomato lady is doomed to complete a task which is ultimately futile. She hunts for tomatoes but once she finds them she forgets she found them, thus her quest begins anew

[@dlp6567]

Tomato Lady Prime

[@circle4602]

What could be worse than failing your task over and over? Succeeding and then forgetting that you did.

[@silverius678]

​@@dlp6567 A person here to help? Mm...indeed. I have wandered long enough.

[@dlp6567]

@@silverius678 i have long since forgotten the way to the tomato stand, and i am EAGER to remember. However, the 'tism stains your brain, and i must admit, i am curious what bullshit you can come up with in your greentext, OP. And so, before i tear the grocery store and emotionally crush the manager... you shall serve as a shop assistant. Come forth, child of 4chan... AND GIVE ME YOUR PHONE.

[@baguetteboy5466]

​@@silverius678 The household of my family has long since forgotten my name... ... and I am EAGER to make them remember.

[@TwoHeadedMeerkat]

Honestly, working in retail, stuff like this isn't JUST limited to old people. I absolutely believe this story happened

[@HenryOfSkalitz7786]

Same, I've seen weirder shit from the crackheads who show up later in the day such as unholy concoctions being brewed at a table in the Starbucks and that one time a less-than-gentlemanly duel was fought in the men's restroom

[@Set2Wumbo]

@@HenryOfSkalitz7786 I hope they shaked before getting into a sword fight

[@aprinnyonbreak1290]

One of my favorites I've seen, a mother and her daughter were going through food, the mom would point out something for the daughter to go grab or look at, and while her attention was focused on that, the mom would grab a thing or two out of the cart, mostly candy and toys, and stash them on the shelf behind something. They went through 3 aisles, slowly emptying a cart of things I imagine the little girl had put in. Best part, It was almost the end of my shift so I didn't even have to be pissed that I had to deal with it. Just appreciate it.

[@jakolay69xd32]

I work in retail currently and BELIEVE me I've seen some shit. For some reason crackheads come in the store 15 minutes before we close and buy arts and crafts stuff?? This has happened more often than not. Just last night I had two of em come in and they started freaking out because my co worker was watching them to make sure they weren't stealing, and the woman stormed out of the store after dumping all of her stuff on a rolltainer and it was just wooden letters and a sewing kit 😂 like why would you come in at the very last minute to buy that crap

[@actualgoblin]

I usually see kids going around and messing stuff up. That in and of itself doesn't bother me, but I'm sick of seeing parents watch their children wreak havoc on the store and pretend they can't do anything about it.

[@DarkKnightofIT]

The most unbelievable part is that the automatic door doesn't have an automatic stop to prevent crushing people.

[@iaial0]

Ikr? That's like the first thing they test "what if someone stops in the middle of the door, does it still try to close?"

[@Earthium]

For the most part they are motion based so any human with a sensitivity to pain would move thereby opening the door back up.

[@MarioMonte13]

​@Earthium plus they probably have some sort of overcurrent protection for the drive motors. (When an electric motor is stalled, the amount of electric current it draws increases) Stall a motor for long enough, you'll either trip a circuit breaker, blow a fuse, or failing that, burn up the motor.

[@bobbobinson7788]

I’ve put my head in between automatic doors before, they 100% stop as soon as something is in the way.

[@ominoustomato]

The doors where I work will close on shit. I’ve closed my mobile dumpster in the doors and almost got squished in it once. They will straight up start uncontrollably closing after being interrupted a few times. And I’m assuming the door just got knocked off track. All you gotta do is set it to open, snap both doors off track, whack them back in, and you’re good to go

[@jazdigance6403]

I used to live in an area which was economically carried by end of life care services, basically Oldpeoplesville. On more than one occasion I saw someone just walk into middle of the road without looking and continue across as if oblivious to the cars that managed to brake just in time. This story is 100% believable to me

[@adolfhipsteryolocaust3443]

As my grandad used to say: the problem is that if you kill an old one you get in trouble as if you kill a young one

[@mr.cauliflower3536]

gramps got that plot armor

[@TeaInTheMorning-we2kh]

My town of 7 thousand has 4 or 5 old people homes, countless group homes, and a mental hospital. Basically just nothing but senile oldsters, neets, and mentally insane people.

[@OneHellOfASandwich]

I’m guessing florida

[@thesteelsquid863]

I used to live in Branson Missouri ;ー;

[@hurou]

Deep fry old man 100% knows what he is doing

[@hohenzollern6025]

They all do. They do it, because they can get away with it.

[@blarghinatelazer9394]

We undergo a smidgen of tomfoolery

[@wildwyatxbox]

@@blarghinatelazer9394 participating in small portions of devious yet noticable societal acts know as foolery with tom

[@clpfox470]

I hope to get to that age and do shit like that

[@absoluteaquarian]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@wildwyatxboxpartaking in minuscule, but still apparent, quantities of mischievous misdeeds as a means to cause mayhem among the masses, featuring tom

[@BryanVonFriently]

I fully believe this. There's an asylum for the mentally ill like 200m out from our local supermarket and it happens a lot that its inhabitants escape from their wranglers and walk around the area, most commonly being attracted to the supermarket like a moth to a lamp.

[@nocturnelux3391]

I'm betting it's because grocery stores are familiar places to them - a lot of their time is spent there, plus there's food

[@gratefulguy4130]

​@@nocturnelux3391 I think it's actually the human activity. Probably the place with the most of that in public. At least that's concentrated. The energy of a downtown is scattered.

[@dinguskhan46329]

Angel of death

[@sinistersandwich9797]

@@nocturnelux3391 "instinct, memory maybe, maybe they're coming for us..."

[@spacehitler4537]

​@@sinistersandwich9797 I was alsso about to make a dawn of the dead reference.

[@AirKIng74]

Used to work at a grocery store with a similar "seniors day", this story is barely an exaggeration of the shit that would go down that day. I was a cashier and later a supervisor, whoever ended up as supervisor for the morning when the seniors arrived was always in a bad mood for the rest of the day, and the cashiers would have to brace for impact as all of them came to the cash, proudly putting 17 jars of pickles in produce bags on the belt before forgetting how to pay.

[@christophervanoster]

DuuHhhH how do credid card worch? Do I give it to u? Do I shove it up my ass? God I hate seniors in retail

[@absolutemaniac7368]

This is every god damn day at my work. Grandpa buys 10 jars of pickled shit, puts it in the baby seat with the seat flipped down, jar falls out. They love putting glass up there, especially light bulbs. And then they want you to bag each one, double bagged.

[@doxed64]

"Across all industries and occupations, 70-80 year olds are regarded as unemployable, due to declining cognition, overall frailty, incompetence, and yet, somehow, we have an entire government filled with them making decisions for an entire nation." - a tweet I read a while back

[@tytoyanov]

And the entire world by virtue of the US being the global superpower and reserve currency

[@neohyberboreantechnosteppe3185]

​@@tytoyanovplus Putin and Xi are both 70 too

[@Diaphat]

No matter what party they are, old bags of nonsense are within it, running the nations of our world. Were there to be an alien race(s) to attack us or be diplomatic, we would be fucked.

[@aaronka1285]

Tbf the first one is the only one that really matters, as frailty doesn't stop you from doing a politician's job and incompetence is universal among all ages.

[@chrisgarrett6305]

​@@aaronka1285I would say incompetence is more common in very old people nowadays as being able to efficiently use technology is practically required nowadays, and plenty of old people just refuse to learn. Id argue that refusing to learn something basically required to be a function member of society nowadays makes you incompetent.

[@Lightscribe225]

The best way to turn this into a horror story is ending it with "One day, you'll be one of them, stuffing deep fryers into the freezer as you search for oreos."

[@kajamatousek247]

Nah mate I'm blowing my brains out at 40 not gonna catch me fossilizing 😬

[@b0redom782]

Hell no I'm killing myself if i get diagnosed with it straight up I'm not dealing with that

[@erihgioqe3798]

Not if I vanish into the forest on a camping trip, leaving my camp behind in eerily pristine condition and am never seen again

[@Wheagg]

​@@erihgioqe3798croatoan moment

[@realrealqbok]

if we're lucky....

[@GreentextFeverDreams]

They don't even have people working on the checkout at any supermarkets where I live, just those self checkouts. It is fucking painful watching a retiree trying to work something more technologically complex than the wheel. Offer to help and they insist they know what they're doing, like no you don't you just shouted hello at a touch screen ffs.

[@cQunc]

Tbf touch screens probably will start conversing in the not-too-distant future.

[@nobodyfornow]

reminds me of my time working retail, had a coworker in her mid 50s insisting that all of her devices (including her router?) were hacked by a man who lives in her attic

[@minoxiothethird]

ive personally seen this exact thing happen once and be true- but the lady was refering to her preteen grandson as "the man who lives in her attic" and he just broke everything. lol

[@ozzi189]

Lol same

[@Dracon350]

see i WISH it was geriatrics who bummed around the retail store i work in. that'd at least give them an excuse as to why it looked like a mini-tornado ran through the isles. but NOPE, just a bunch of lazy/idiotic folks who misplace items all across the store, tossing frozen items into refrigerated units, and refrigerated items into frozen units, leaving milk just sitting on shelves, etc.

[@ianh1504]

hacking a router is a thing that happens. i remember that scene from silicon valley "does your hacker girlfriend know our routers serial number?" "yeah, i didnt wanna tell you but she complimented your choice" "dammit. we have to assume shes everywhere."

[@InvadeNormandy]

Undiagnosed schizophrenia is a hell of a thing and I don't mean it as a joke. It's such a subtle ramp up at first that even if you're a very aware and logical person- You can go from sane but kooky to completely divorced from reality in just two years. Because it starts as a general vague set of mental oddities and quirks- and interests and beliefs, then it starts to get so subtly nutty but *believable* to your own internal logic- And when you get older than 30-40 it takes the fuck off like a rocket. You have to basically catch it early and medicate it to be normal with some foibles- you CAN diminish the more deleterious aspects later in life but trying to get a scitzo to take their meds is harder than doctor toddler giving a pill to a pitbull. You're not having your brain physically damaged like dementia, you CAN recover later in life- It's just you introduce a new series of complexity to the process where someone has lucidity and clarity and now has the herculean task ahead of them to detangle and root out what aspects of their character were just their "Sick" mind and which are indeed an innocuous personality facet or truly held belief. It can be scarier to be *sane* again because you've lost decades of your life basically sitting in the passenger seat of your own mind. With that much time lost and that much debris and conflicting experience you have to clean up ahead of you and behind you - it can fuck you up as a person harder than the actual madness did. Especially if your actual personality buried under it is healthy enough to feel remorse or you can recall your episodes, outbursts or aggression. It's why there's an unspoken sad detail that some people who finally great treatment but get it later in life often can't cope and take their own lives despite being EFFECTIVELY "cured". To them it's like being trapped with the consequences of someone else pretending to be you for years, and they've racked up decades of junk, worthless experience and half memories and potential abuse slung at others with your name and face to it, along with the time wasted will take the REST of their lives to clean up or make up for. And the "Crazy" part sometimes.. Even as bad as it is, and undesired. It's blissful ignorance of how bad you really are. It's simpler, it's "familiar" even if you are living in fear and miserable. Why? Well- for one... "The attic man is hacking my router" Because in the crazy brain logic, that's simple. There is one problem, the man in the attic, what is he doing? Fucking with your router. Now compare and contrast that with "I have wasted the greater parts of my life living in a fantasy, and not even a pleasant one. And only I know the gravity and reality of it, and no one will well and truly believe in me or trust me as a reliable narrator ever again without a long and brutal road ahead of me."

[@aaronnikels5706]

Anon makes it sound like he’s walking through a war zone

[@yoshitamer3906]

I think he is

[@red_d849]

yeah he literally is

[@sampackman69]

The shop that I go to regularly gets old people in every second Sunday to buy stuff Whenever im in there, it's basically the exact same story as anon puts here, except since I'm 6"3 I have to grab stuff from the top shelves they old guys can't reach Even funnier still, I'm friends with the manager and he constantly goes on about it. He even offered me a Sunday job just to help him out

[@blinkenlights]

Fuck, ask any grocery employee that worked during the pandemic, and they'll have full on Vietnam flashbacks. Grocery store absolutely is a warzone at times.

[@CoPoint]

Well, for the people working at that shop, it's probably pretty close 😬... "Aw no, here's the next wave of them coming - TAKE COVER!!!!" 🤣...

[@UndeadGary]

I worked in a supermarket throughout Covid in a low income area that had multiple senior long term care centres nearby so they were our primary customers and boy is this accurate, especially because we’d have certain hours at the beginning of the day reserved for them and the others of the vulnerable community and it showed. You basically had to go through your opening routines twice because it’d be a gong show once the seniors tore through before everyone else and you’d have to reset everything and try to get them out in a reasonable time before the other customers come in. They also hurt people and damages things all the time in that short period. For example a few wouldn’t open the freezer doors fully so they’d stay open on their own, instead they would use their mobility scooter to back up into the doors and wedge them open as they shopped, they would then forget their controls and full speed reverse into the door ripping it off hinges and causing the whole freezer cabinet to lose temp. If they weren’t ripping off doors or knocking over shelves with their scooters they would be tearing through the aisles going almost road speeds in those things and would come roaring out of aisles and multiple times crashed into workers or other customers breaking bones do to the speed they were going. Yet we couldn’t ban the scooters from the store despite the newer models being too big to even fit through the aisles looking more like fucking ATVs to carry the weight they needed to lol. I did feel a bit bad though because most of them were ones that had to manage on their own without familial support and had to depend on their now fixed incomes during a time with skyrocketing food prices as well as pretty much everything else. They definitely tested my empathy though because they also tended to be the most toxic customers beyond just quirks of their declining health. Nobody is a hateful as an angry old person, and it didn’t take much to set them off, had an older lady devolve into a rant threatening to attack and kill people just because she couldn’t get her 2L Diet Pepsi during the severe supply chain crisis that was exacerbated where I was due to a large flood that cut off our already strained supply routes from the harbour and the rest of the country, not that she cared. 😒 I could go on for hours with stories but I’m already ranting myself.

[@watsonwrote]

Yeah, a lot of that anger comes from damage the brain, isolation, and the poor state of their bodies. My grandma had started getting very rude and aggressive to employees at stores and it drove me and my sister nuts -- how can you be so short tempered and rude to people that are just doing their jobs? It turns our she'd had some minor strokes and wasn't coping with her situation well. It's not an excuse, but I think these people have just lost the social mechanisms that would allow them to act and feel normally. It's a symptom of illness, like aggression in old pets that spend their youth being sweet and loving animals.

[@CryptidRenfri]

​@@watsonwrote unfortunately though, some old people are assholes just because they always were. And for some reasons almost all humans seem to equate age with an increased right of entitlement, which leads to some shockingly toxic personalities. I've got plenty in my family.

[@syrelian]

@@CryptidRenfri Its baked into cultural sentiments, "respect your elders" "heed your elders" etc etc, alongside general patterns of gaining power with age, and its rancid garbage so much of the time

[@courier6960]

Social inappropriateness comes with cognitive decline in all kinds of forms. I work with older adults (some of which have MCI) in research and some of the things that come out of their mouth and the things they do are truly horrendous. It’s worse for us because our research studies are extensive and feature brain stimulation (so we’re putting stuff in their hair, in a loud ass MRI scanner, and occasionally they’ll experience pain) but I’m lucky in terms that I’m a white male so I don’t get nearly as much horrible shit thrown at me, but they’ll still say reprehensible things because they think I’ll be their “confidant” for their terrible ideologies. It’s not even just that, apparently there have been multiple instances of participants having “accidents” in their chairs and them needing to be replaced, them parking in the wrong spots and getting their cars towed, forgetting and cancelling important appointments the day of, etc. The amount of medication these people tend to be on is truly baffling as well, and considering how poorly documented and complex medication interactions can be, it probably harms them just as much as it helps. But the real crime is that you can HEAR and FEEL the loneliness and emptiness these people endure. Combine it with the ego and entitlement some of them have, it makes for an ugly combination where you feel bad, but also don’t want to help

[@DROGOC0P]

thank fucking god mobility scooters dont even exist in my country. they are atrocious, if you are so obese that you cant walk you should rot in your house and not bother us normals. americans are a parody of themselves

[@piza.3232]

This story has JUST the right amount of bullshit in it to be believable while still retaining that amusement factor, you rarely see these kind of "grounded" stories nowadays that still manage to get a chuckle or two out, good stuff

[@shiftplus7815]

I like how every single story on 4chan is questioned but everyone eats up Instagram, and Twitter stories.

[@Chancey06]

@@shiftplus7815 and reddit.

[@imadeanaccountjustforthisc9987]

@@Chancey06 unless its r/greentext

[@Brotulius]

@@shiftplus7815 "The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

[@raiisleep]

​@@shiftplus7815 The site literally says only a fool would believe anything you read on here

[@edwardofengland2993]

These people are in the process of slowly disappearing. I don't know what's worse, everyone laughing at them or the care home who let them out on their own to fend for themselves in a public place.

[@WingMaster562]

Its all a burning memory

[@red_d849]

honestly probably the care home part ngl

[@71tofu]

Oh, I'm not laughing at them. I'm laughing at the care home who thought this was a good idea, and will now likely be at fault for repairs. The store owner who didn't say no and deal with the blowback, or just go "Not my problem, corporate. YOU deal with the old people who break everything." and go on vacation that day, or call in "sick." I'm laughing at the corporation that allowed them entry because even with the care home likely going to be at fault, they're not going to get all the money wasted back in any form. The only chuckle these older folks get is how thoroughly they can fuck the place right up.

[@HarambaeXelonmuskfans]

@@71tofu yeah yeah whatever makes you feel better bud Just own up to it

[@saedintm]

Yes, someone has to take responsibility for this. Personally I blame Edward of England. How could he do this? 😢

[@skinwalker69420]

With how deep your voice is, I can't help but imagine that I'm listening to Ulysses from Fallout New Vegas telling me about how he went to the grocery store and saw a bunch of dementia patients doing what people with dementia do.

[@burialgoods]

I did a short series covering Ulysses' logs from Lonesome Road, if you're interested

[@poyobotyahoo7494]

This just makes me sad. These old folks are just clearly senile but are faced with an confusing mess of a changing world while they have their warped memories and perceptions to hold on to. It's just sad man.

[@waynebimmel6784]

Yet they are still allowed to vote

[@iaial0]

There's a correlation between mental degeneration and social activities therefore my thought is that these people have basically been abandoned to themselves and solitude has totally eaten up their brain, leaving their relatives to abandon them even more because the higher the level of disability, the harder is it to take care of them. It's just depressing

[@poyobotyahoo7494]

@@iaial0 Damn.

[@mirceazaharia2094]

It really is. They should be in a safe and predictable environment where they are loved and cares for until death. Not thrust into a world that is bizzare and alien to them. My grandmother on my mother's side, before her mind went bye-bye, expressed amazement at how rockets were becoming reusable and how much phones had changed in the blink of an eye, so to speak. It was an alien world for her, having been born in 1938, living with Allied aerial bombardment, growing up under Communism, having gone through the Revolution of 1989, and much strife before and after.

[@Valentin5320]

Yeah put them down, what's left of a human in their tiny sponge brain

[@brandanberg1716]

Deep fryer man legit was just being a mad lad

[@sorcererofsalt5786]

When I get old imma be doing the same thing lmao

[@zzzetsulive]

Dude was just fucking with the store cause the lines ain't moving, completely reasonable comedy gold

[@darienb1127]

My mom had a similar experience she told me about a while ago. She was at the store in the frozen isle pulling out a bag of ravioli when this really old lady who was taking up half the isle came up to her and said "oh, just put it in my cart!" My mom, confused, decides to go along with it and put it in the cart. She's nearby in the next asle and hears someone else say "You do realize those aren't peaches, right?" She then heard the lady shout "Then what the hell are they doing in my cart?! Get them out!" Later when she was checking out, she saw the old lady starting to approach the same lane as her, told the cashier about the old lady and asked if she could pick up the pace to escape her. In complete understanding, the cashier proceeds to go at Mach-5 in order get them out of the store. I'm both so happy and so mad that I wasn't there

[@anonymoussmith624]

If it is a true story, it makes me more sad than anything. My grandmother last years were dementia ridden, she forgot who my father (her son) was, along with myself, my brother, and my mother. She regressed to seeing herself as a sixteen year old girl, working in an orphanage, taking care of the orphans (my brother and myself). Worst of all she would hide the photograph we put on her dresser, most likely because she was made uncomfortable by it because she didn’t know who it was. It was her husband (my grandfather) who passed from cancer just a few decades earlier.

[@Alizudo]

Gotta take them Omega-3s.

[@vantablack6288]

@@Alizudo i dont think the omega 3s could do anything for her anymore

[@Alizudo]

@@vantablack6288 Probably not, no, but you gotta take them to prevent dementia in the first place.

[@gitman3486]

That's kind of sweet. There are far worse flavours of dementia

[@yeeticus_maximus9616]

Honestly this probably happened. He might have exaggerated a thing or two but for the most part I totally believe this

[@Scrap_Goblin]

@downloadpizza2547 I'd say it's probably multiple events strung together with a bit of embellishment. Honestly I've seen and heard of wilder shit

[@thenormalhumanperson]

I don't believe a single thing was exaggerated you'd be surprised what crazy stuff unknowing geratrics do in stores

[@Funkiy]

Fr

[@limbonlegs1662]

My dad once said that when he gets so old and senile that he cant care for himself, he wants us to take him to north GA and leave him for the bears

[@Hairydoom01]

Sounds like a collection of separate events put together into one story. Don't care, good storytelling is good.

[@jukasides]

I've worked with dementia clients and elderly in general. I'll give you guys some advice. If no one in your family is willing to do the caring, (clean your ass multiple times a day, lift you out of bed, give you a spongebath, feed you, etc) and they cant afford a full time home care service, guess what? You're going into a home like that with workers who are usually paid bad wages are always understaffed, and have to take care of 8-10 people each every shift. Its a tough job, and people may be good at their job, and care for you, but ultimately you are just another client or patient, not their own family. The care they have the time and strength to give is limited to mostly basic needs. And don't believe you'll gently put yourself down. Dementia is a slow process and most people dont have the wherewithal to end their own life when it gets down to it. Remember, enjoy life while you're young still, dont believe retirement or the future will hold that happiness. I can't count how many people retire just to get diagnosed with some debilitating illness within less than year.

[@chaosinc.382]

Yup, which is why I'm gonna go out my own way when I start hitting the older years. I aint waiting to see what bullshit my already fucked up head is gonna concoct for me to make my last years Hell. Gonna do reckless shit and enjoy myself as much as I can.

[@stormisuedonym4599]

And that, kids, is why you have kids. Lots of 'em. Raise 'em right.

[@rosesapling72]

I'm killing myself once I get old.

[@DeathnoteBB]

@@stormisuedonym4599You have kids to make them work for you?

[@chillyavian7718]

@@DeathnoteBByou have kids to love you and support you, because you support and love them.

[@algerianmonarchist8017]

This sounds like a fucking SCP

[@WingMaster562]

Reality can be wilder than fiction sometimes

[@unknowncommenter6698]

SCP is (kinda) based on reality (and also lotta religious and philosophical literature), at least some SCPs do.

[@girthquake2390]

The tomato fiend and the deep fryer gremlin

[@Ayr1n_0]

Canada is honestly a SCP

[@ARC1701A]

There is an SCP of a smoking man who will come hold your hand on your last day, if you have nobody there and have no faith, so you won't be alone. He'll offer a smoke and hold your hand as you go.

[@someguy8273]

Used to live right next door to a grocery store that would be visited by bus-loads geriatric folks. Was terrified of old person day as a kid because they looked and smelled like death. And sometimes they would die out on their outing. Didn't happen often, but it did happen more than once.

[@damnedlegionaire]

I drove for Bezos when I was young and dumb and delivered to senior apartments frequently. I 100% agree on them reeking like death.

[@dd7896]

I'm an EMT. I can confirm, old people often smell worse than dead ones. And that is not an exaggeration.

[@Tajealos]

This feels like the physical embodiment of 'Everywhere At The End Of Time but it's March of The Gladiators'

[@burialgoods]

clever way to put it

[@KingAtomsk]

This kinda reminds me of one time I was out buying a new phone when an elderly lady tells the person at the counter that her phone is messed up. She says her grand kids got ahold of it and now it doesn't work anymore no matter what she's tried. The clerk politely asked to see the phone, pressed the power button, and turned it back on before handing it back to her, as she looked on like she had just witnesssed a miracle. Glad she got it working again.

[@elijahfrazier445]

They’re allowed to vote…

[@noturfather1106]

At least they don't drive

[@G-_Money]

​@@noturfather1106 you sure about that...

[@carlquitcheefin]

Because they pay taxes, if they are able to make it to the ballot their opinion counts. Kinda the point of a democracy.

[@WingMaster562]

​@@carlquitcheefin i like you

[@Grubnar]

Dude, DEAD people are allowed to vote in the United States. People who are not American citizens are allowed to vote in the United States. People who don't even exist are allowed to vote in the United States. People who are just old, are the least of your worries!

[@Buglin_Burger7878]

I worked at grocery store, these issues weren't exclusive to old people. Teens, and even young adults were incapable. Middle aged people were no better. It is like most people literally lose their minds when they enter these stores. I've had someone harass me for hours to repair something out of order. The same person kept coming back and asking the same question. We've even had people come in and decide to use the freezers as a restroom, I wish I was lying. That bag of grapes you bought? Someone customers already ate some while passing by. At a certain point it becomes maddening to watch.

[@_Jay_Maker_]

I also worked at a Grocery store (Hannafords, NY) for about 3 1/2 years, and can confirm. Particularly the recycling bit at the end, which I was in charge of at one point. If it's not people sticking shit that doesn't belong in the machines into the machines, it's them sticking their fucking hands and arms into it - which, while not totally unsafe, since they're mostly idiot-proof - is still a questionable decision. People were braindead when I worked there years ago, and I can't imagine it's gotten any better today. I remember that one video of that clown of a girl who - during COVID - would open up fresh cartons of ice cream and just lick the top of them before putting them back on the shelves.

[@limbonlegs1662]

I would like to give some explanation, but i have none, aside from all those people being crackheads, but i doubt that

[@Nerthos]

I thank god for living in a country where the most common type of grocery store heavily discourages retardation by forcing the customer to interact with the staff socially. Almost no weird happenings outside of the big supermarkets.

[@asteroidrules]

I had someone who was trying to ask questions to distract us while his wife robbed the store, the problem is that he was too high to think of more than one question. This guy was just stood there repeatedly asking "where are the window blinds" as I kept telling him that we don't sell window blinds and security was catching his wife at the door.

[@Nerthos]

@@asteroidrules man Ponyville went down the drain the last few years

[@anonymousskunk]

Canadian here. Pennies are still legal tender, they just haven’t been in circulation for years. Probably has something to do with the metal used to mint them being worth more than their face value.

[@EmpressKyuuna]

Yeah, they still are. However, no one takes it anymore, nor are they required to as far as my knowledge go.

[@Alizudo]

​@@EmpressKyuuna I feel like stores should still accept them, so they can eventually get back to the banks to be removed from circulation.

[@meowmiaumiauw]

I live in Toronto and most stores in my area don't even take cash, much less pennies. I know that isn't true nationwide or even Toronto-wide, but there are at least some Canadian locales where paying with pennies simply wouldn't be possible

[@markcochrane9523]

Yeah there's another problem though: it's illegal to pay for anything over 50 cents in all pennies.

[@concept8192]

HMM, MAYBE *A CERTAIN OTHER COUNTRY* THAT BORDERS CANADA SHOULD *ALSO* MAKE PENNIES ILLEGAL like seriously america get your shit together pennies are stupid

[@amadortrujillosantoni6120]

Anon being completely chaotic neutral and helping old folks do what they want regardless of the damage done to the store. The fryer dude absolutely kills me. Imagine him doing his antic three or four more times, stuffing the freezer with fryers and fucking up the entire stock and freezer at the same time. The tomatoes lady tho... "Yeah they're over there" "Puts a seventh bag in the cart, starts looking for more"

[@CNSninja]

There's nothing better than the trope of the 4-chan "observer." They're the ones who encounter these batshit situations and instead of getting pissed and noping out of there, they simply embrace the absurdity, stick around, blend in and observe the madness unfold. Sometimes they instigate a bit, sometimes they don't. But the important thing is that they bring the complete story back to tell other b/tards and, often, eventually, the internet at large. The Observers are real heroes.

[@greaniebeaniez3070]

This is one of the few greentexts I can see being mostly true. Theres some old farts that shouldnt even be driveing to the grocery store. Got stuck behind this 90s something year old going 12 in a 30mph for 2 miles as he left the grocery store.

[@everythingsalright1121]

Having studied cognitive function in older adults in university...i think where i once wouldve laughed at elderly folk doing stuff like this, i think now i just feel sad. In most cases, they didnt choose for this to happen (sometimes genetics just fucks you and you get alzheimers). However, in others, they may have actually been pushed towards it. Patronizing speech patterns and behavior being detrimental surprised me a lot when i learned about it since its so common in caregiver roles. Treating elderly like children with simplified or slower speech or telling them they did a good job when they got up to go to the bathroom on their own has been proven to make elderly people WANT to isolate themselves because they feel more than anything a loss of autonomy that they had in their younger years. Because these people dont want to be around their patronizing caregivers their cognitive functions decline more rapidly than older adults that maintain healthy relationships and also remain "brain active" (playing complex video games, cooking new recipes, even just getting out of the house). Brains literally need to be excercised ESPECIALLY in later years to slow cognitive decline. However this sometimes isnt enough and cognitive decline still happens in everyone to some degree. Everyone is different. Some people lose more cells in the parts of their brain responsible for eyesight, complex decision making, shory term memory or hearing more than others. And i think as a whole we should be treating older adults on a case by case basis. Speak normally and treat them normally and then slow your speech down or ask them if they need help instead of treating them like an infant. Cause...really, it makes sense. You wouldnt want someone to speak to you like youre a 2 year old, when youve spent sixty years carrying out conversations normally. Just something to think about i guess. I hope someone who reads this will remember this the next time they have to be with an older adult. This is a really watered down version of what i learned but if people want to know more ill gladly respond to comments

[@rileybright-canton6888]

I've always been uncomfortable with the patronization of the elderly, especially when many are more than willing to engage in normal conversation. It is quite refreshing to encounter someone who thinks the same way as I do.

[@Justintheinsane]

Stuff like this is why I help my grandma shop. Otherwise the only thing she comes home with is cookies and milk.

[@PuncherOfWomenAndMinorities]

@Hispanic Fascist who tf do you think grandma is? Mrs. Santa Claus?

[@Zlonk7]

I guess all she can remember is to get snacks for her grandkids

[@jabble__]

Is your grandma Santa Claus?

[@Justintheinsane]

@@jabble__ she used to be. Then we got too old to trick lol

[@michaelmartin9022]

I thought about doing a mystery story where some handsome young guy is trapped inside some stark white prison with incoherent, middle-aged-looking fellow prisoners, retro sci-fi spying tech and wardens who all act bizarrely and illogically. When he finally escapes it's just to a rainy car park in a modern city, his hands are really wrinkly and old, and a nurse ushers him gently back inside.

[@WingMaster562]

I remembet Shakespeare describe this as Second Childhood. 10/10 would do this as an old person

[@WingMaster562]

@@Camel_P_ox before you think again, look up "seven ages of man". The 7th one is what im referring to.

[@haydenTenno-]

I feel so bad for the employees and owners

[@tripletsborn4628]

I feel bad for the old people, too. Fuckers don't know what they're actually doing. Still funny to hear about, but I'd feel awful if I was actually there.

[@Zlonk7]

I feel more sad to all the old folks who have are clinging onto their mind by a thread

[@second-ratelich3520]

They forgot to close doors at the dementia containment facility.

[@weissendrachen]

I know tiktok has destroyed your attention span but try to actually pay attention to the story

[@second-ratelich3520]

Nice one dude. Your insult could use some improvements though.

[@ninjireal]

@@weissendrachen did I piss in your cereal this morning? I don’t seem to remember.

[@marcowashere1615]

​@@weissendrachen the story talks about old people in a humorous way for they were acting demented, take time to read grandpa

[@vincemarenger7122]

​​​@@weissendrachen You can't insult people because they "didn't pay attention" to a video while you obviously didn't watch it yourself.

[@vicenteisaaclopezvaldez2450]

> Be me, working in a dementia village > It's nice here > It's groceries day, so I help keep watch on the old folk > sweeping the sidewalk to keep an eye on the outside, feel like a secret agent > New resident keeps laughing at the others as he rounds in-and-out the store > Every few minutes he comes out holding an assortsment of items and types on his phone, chuckling the whole time > must be sharing his observations > It's sad, but seeing them smile does warm my heart > thank wharever god's out there that their personality is still there, however mischievous > I'm doing a night shift: It's movie night

[@YourTypicalMental]

I'm so relieved that despite being in their late sixties, both my parents are still active and altogether there mentally. Mom has engaging creative hobbies that require concentration, and Dad was an engineer and thus never turned off his brain. And both look after my special needs baby brother.

[@AIM-9X_Sidewinder]

when there are 8 or more old people NPCS at the same chunk the reality downgrades their AI to get less laggy

[@TheTabascodragon]

I'm a supervisor at a grocery store. I'm generally a pretty patient person. People having trouble when checking out, leaving shit in weird places, and dropping glass jars of sauce are just a part of my job and i deal with it. My personal pet peeve though is when people abandon highly perishable products (like raw meat and seafood for example) in non refrigerated areas. Like it's one thing if you change your mind about buying some pork chops but are too lazy to put them back so you leave them in a cooler on the other side of the store. That i can handle. But when you leave raw meat on a random shelf somewhere? What the actual fuck is wrong with you? You literally might as well just throw it into the trash. The worst of all is when they try and leave it in one of the candy displays at the registers. For fucks sake there's a cashier right goddamn there, hand it off to them and they'll have someone put it away for you. Even if you get up to the register and you're such a goddamn sperg that you can't hand it off to the cashier due to social anxiety or something at least put it in a fucking drink cooler or something. Shit drives me crazy

[@dwellerinblack7816]

I had to work a cashier shift one day. An old lady starred at the card reader for two minutes, not doing moving or anything. I eventually just went behind her and worked it for her. She got pissed at me because I apparently was stealing her money.

[@christophervanoster]

Yeah and we’re always charging more than they got and charging their cars twice all the time, even though all that happened is they hit the ‘cancel transaction’ button instead of the ‘enter’ button and suddenly it’s our fault. I feel ya retail brother

[@dwellerinblack7816]

@@christophervanoster I'm lucky that I work in the warehouse 99% of the time. I'm usually alone my entire shift, and only talk to people when I need to or want to. But man, I worked the retail side for too long before switching over.

[@DeathnoteBB]

@@christophervanosterOof the “You’re not going to charge me twice right?!” Like lady YOU hit cancel. You have not paid ONCE

[@TurtleTime26]

I used to volunteer at a nursing facility and was conscripted to help out on grocery day. I remember more than once they had to call over the intercom, "X, your party is waiting for you at the front" or "X, your grandmother/grandfather is at the service desk" Generally though my particular senior center only allowed certain people to go out that day, and even then some of them had to be accompanied the whole time, hence my inclusion. It mostly went off without a hitch, but I did have to remind the lady I was with she already had certain items in her cart. That said I 100% believe that a more neglectful home would allow this to happen. After all, it's not THEIR problem if their residents cause havoc in public as long as they're all safe, right?

[@BeaglzRok1]

As someone with an octogenarian father, I'm glad that despite his 1940-50's stubbornness to insist on doing things himself, he asks me to join him for his shopping. His wits are about him despite being a stroke victim, but sometimes things slip his attention or capabilities, and it helps to have someone move his cart to the side of the aisle he walked over towards, walk ahead out into the inter-aisle thoroughfare with my arm back on the cart so people are aware someone's behind me, or load up stuff on the checkout conveyor while he slowly opens his wallet with one elderly arm and one paralyzed arm. Then we go to the nearby small business sports bar and order some pizza or sub sandwiches before we head home so we have food to break up the monotony of what we usually get from the store.

[@SUBARCTICPSYCHO]

Joe Biden and the senate go grocery shopping.

[@ImAMenace]

Joe put the fryer on the freezer

[@red_d849]

fucking facts at this point holy shit

[@Coomamon_Memes]

Potatus had to buy a bag of potatoes to feed the kids in the whitehouse basement.

[@scottishcheese13]

Covfefe

[@user-rx2ur5el9p]

Trump is only four years younger than Biden.

[@conspiracypanda1200]

I've had an old guy, escaped from his care facility and confused, hop into my family car once. We were leaving a physio appointment (I was an older teen recovering from Chronic Fatigue from an infection at the time) and my Mum was driving me home. I sat in the back because my lil sis is vision impared enough that it makes her car sick, so it was a habit that I always sit in the back even when she wasn't riding with us (sitting shotgun helped her predict the turns better and avoid some sickness). We're ready to leave and this random old dude just...opens the passenger side door and hops in. Sits down, buckles up. Stares straight ahead. Mum was confused and distressed trying to figure out what was up; I was tired because the Fatigue; Old Dude wanted to go visit...someone? Family or a friend, I think. He only started telling my Mum the road name after she started trying to question him. In the end Mum convinced him to get out of the car and follow us into the physiotherapy. Even though it was closing soon the ladies were understanding and let us stay in the break room while calling around to see where the old guy came from. Mum made the guy some tea and was impressed when he did a trick to cool it by pouring it back and forth between two mugs until it was drinkable. His carers were found and contacted within an hour. The people he wanted to visit apparently didn't live in the area he was trying to direct us to anymore. I don't think we stayed until he was picked up. That's basically all I can remember. Not very funny, I know.

[@admorteminimicus3207]

I... I would probably try that tea trick if I didn't absolutely hate doing dishes

[@djcortex8635]

@@admorteminimicus3207 just pour it into your mouth and then back to the cup

[@artemefimov8215]

​@@admorteminimicus3207 spoken like a false dish cleaning dodger. A true dish cleaning dodger would know that every cup is clear if you pour boiling water in it regularly and you don't need to clean it at all.

[@therighttrousers343]

This was entertaining enough, liked the bit where the old guy passed tea between two mugs. It makes sense as soon as you think about it but it requires you to conceive of it first.

[@ChariMahariel]

It's actually an old trick, was very common in 90s and early 00s but these days most ppl don't need it since cold water is easily available anyway

[@Dream-rc2lz]

Now I know what hell looks like. It's this but for eternity. Everytime you try to exit you just enter the same store

[@npc6817]

That's just called working retail

[@DonutGuard]

The tomato one is sad because she probably used to buy tomatoes to make sauce and in her mind she's still doing that for all her friends who are dead or family who forgot she exists.

[@Wayte13]

How do these old folks just never stop and realize that they're not as sharp as they once were? The main issue I've noticed is less that they're senile, and more that they're so committed to the idea they can't be wrong that they charge forward regardless of their senility

[@ThomasTheThermonuclearBomb]

Ever heard of the Dunning-Kruger Effect?

[@TheAussieBlue]

I can explain. When you start to go, everything goes. Including your ability to judge how well you're doing. Its really scary, because they know something is wrong, but they're so far gone they just dont know what to do. Its like having this feeling that something is wrong, but you can see things are wrong, but you just cant figure it out no matter how much you try. Why are there six bags of tomatoes in my cart, why are there dirty dishes in my sink if i cant remember having a meal today, why is janet caling me saying that ive missed put get together thats on wendsday (isnt it friday?) And because the dementia hits hard, they dont have the ability to realise how things are falling apart. They just know things are wrong, but they're so far gone they cant even understand what's happening to them. And most people respond to that with fear, or anger, or cling desperately to what they remember. Thats why they plow on. Because its all their addled, decaying brains can figure put.

[@Wayte13]

​@@TheAussieBlue Thanks I hate it. I do still maintain that it's hard to be sympathetic when they're so gd smug about their decaying "wisdom" lol

[@QwertyCaesar]

Essentially the same with folks with delusions can't. When you have delusions from something such as schizophrenia it's anosognosia.

[@Tn5421Me]

The facilities they would use to make that determination are just as fucked as the rest of their brain

[@nyehweh]

Oh just you guys wait 40-50 years. Remember how the last ten years slipped like water through your fingers? 🙂

[@penguinfaced]

"The Greatest Generation"

[@WingMaster562]

Humbling innit? No matter how great, you will still be no match to Father Time

[@progamerzach1]

>Hahaha look at these old people way past their prime and can't do shit Very ignorant of you, plus zoomers are a lot worse compared to older generations who were once young.

[@tylergaye5457]

Nope, wrong generation, they're all over 97 and mostly dead, these old people are their kids and sometimes grandkids.

[@namanish450]

*in grandma voice* "We partake in a little tomfoolery

[@roninecostar]

I believe this is a true story, however this would have happened over many trips. This would simply be a recollection of these trips summarized into one.

[@webpombo7765]

I believe it's a single trip, all you need is enough elderly and an intrigued enough person to stick around longer and watch it all unfold

[@cognozzle]

It was a single trip, and the sheer batshit insanity was why I told my tale on 4chan. It had never been that bad and I haven't had a repeat since.

[@fierylightning3422]

I pray to god the father, son and Holy Spirit that this story is real

[@Felale]

It's clearly not because it was a group story.

[@callmeginga]

​@@Felale and yet it still is real. Ask retail workers.

[@HarambaeXelonmuskfans]

@@callmeginga I dont know any and even if I did I wouldn't ask so piss off

[@Sivrn-Val]

​@@Felale You've never been on 4chan, have you?

[@cognozzle]

It is.

[@dadbear5316]

One of my grandparents used to always tell me how euthanasia should be available to the old or terminally ill because they didn't want to end up like that. Lost, confused, unable to function. She went blind and suffered a form of dementia. If you want to know something truly depressing, listen to an elderly woman unable to care for herself begging to die.

[@Nerthos]

Had that happen to my grandma, people were kinda weirded that I wasn't super sad when she died but she had been dying for years now and several times asked God to take her.

[@baatmilk]

​@@Nerthos It's a weird situation to be in, I ended up helping take care of her in the end and my mom tells me that I'm strong for keeping it together when really, secretly, I'm glad her suffering is over.

[@crisptomato9495]

A lot of kids in my high school worked as servers at the local retirement home, and the residents would constantly ask them to please just let them die. Then they’d have to respond with something like, “sorry, I can’t do that… Anyway here’s your applesauce!” Super depressing shit.

[@elio6861]

shut up urbanoid parasite, life is sacred

[@dboot8886]

... okay so this is what the anti euthanasia people aren't thinking about.

[@bitty_beastly47]

These people will spend their entire life savings during their last 8 years of life just to live another 6 months

[@Name-xs3bd]

As comedic as this is, it really emphasizes why I wouldn’t mind dying early. Fuck getting old man.

[@Apathy293]

I live near multiple retirement residences and age restricted communities. One of them was my first job. This story is absolutely true. Even if it didn't actually happen to OP, it is 100% happening somewhere.

[@BajaBlastReduction]

The most unbelievable part of this greentext is the automatic door getting busted by closing on a cart.

[@TheHumbleHollow]

Once I get to this point, I just hope I have enough brief clarity to pull the trigger on myself. I can't even begin to imagine having to endure an existence like this, even if this collection of stories is fake, there's definitely been many real ones like these.

[@watsonwrote]

There is a lot of very promising research into slowing and eventually curing dementia. Don't plan to die just yet -- by the time you're old you'll likely be going to see the doctor instead of the Grim Reaper

[@maxmccullough8548]

The real nightmare is, if you have enough sense to pull the trigger, you still have some life in you, once you're far gone enough to need to, you lack the agency to do it.

[@velboi3823]

its not fake

[@LordMort-jk8gq]

You laugh now, but one day… We will be like them.

[@themarlboromandalorian]

Music selection is * chef's kiss *.

[@burialgoods]

Was going for 80s grocery store music lol

[@smikkelbeer7890]

"As you grow older, you get wiser" Old people:

[@morganicsmoothie964]

Considering the elderly folk I've met, I wouldn't be surprised if most of this was true.

[@haileybalmer9722]

I think the best part of this is probably the manager’s day getting just ruined. I’ve worked at enough grocery stores to know that basically every grocery store manager deserves to have a terrible day.

[@HyperfixationWizard]

As someone who worked at a grocery store, it hurts how realistic this is.

[@christophervanoster]

Ain’t that the truth

[@Motoboo_Marine]

This may sound fucked up but I don't think there's any point in being alive long enough to end up like this. The life expectancy increase means nothing if the age where this stuff starts happening remains the same; you just becone a burden to society for longer now.

[@ClitoridectomyGroyper]

yep

[@chaosinc.382]

Bingo.

[@Chinchillys]

so real

[@Moocow2003]

yea it's not that I think there's no joy to be had in old age but i agree that getting to experience late stage dementia is worse than simply dying with less severe dementia

[@PeterCaptainObvious]

Worked retail for 8 years, i can fully believe this happened, but not limited to just old people. The general public is fuckin stupid.

[@griffincrump5077]

I used to work as a waiter at a retirement home that had a restaurant for its residents, it was really depressing

[@FlashDrive356]

I CANT STOP LAUGHING AT THE AIR FRIER IN THE FREEZER GUY HELP

[@willc3697]

The human life is like a circle. We start at being completely incompetent and stupid children who don’t know how things work or why we’re doing a specific thing, so we pose an issue to those around us. Eventually we mature and grow to reach our middle area as adults who understand how the world works. Once that time passes by, we begin to wear down and deteriorate until we become elderlies, who have little social cues, below-par intelligence and no idea how the new world works.

[@Journey_to_who_knows]

They did cause thousands in damages but they probably spent a collective million in random bullshit like blenders and espresso machines

[@Jilktube]

It's pretty fucked up and cruel that seniors created a world where they put themselves in a position to live like this.

[@jllemin4]

This is why grocery stores constantly change around the asiles. This is what happens when a person grows old without having people to talk to and whet their mind

[@psyxypher3881]

Poor anon is freaking Canadian.

[@gernhartreinholzen3992]

So, you're telling me, deep fryers do not need to be refrigerated?

[@potatomahonman5008]

I’ve worked in retail and this describes a good chunk of the customers I’ve encountered, not just the elderly

[@maninthesnow4393]

To this day one old lady is still writing a check to pay for 2 items

[@josephdevita2938]

The deep fryer part actually has me dying laughing. I can literally picture it and cant stop laughing.

[@tubesism]

My grandparents are both in their late 90s expecting to die like tomorrow or next year who knows. Neither of them would ever be this stupid, although I wouldn’t want them walking around a store by themselves pushing a cart.

[@Nerthos]

The brain degrades quickly when you don't use it. Avoid vegetative activities like TV and you'll probably avoid that kind of dementia.

[@courier6960]

I mean it’s not like these people are stupid by choice, they live in assisted living and they aren’t your “normal” old people (who can already be hard to deal with), most of them probably are suffering from untreated or even undiagnosed conditions, like Alzheimer’s, dementia, schizophrenia, Dissociative disorders, etc. Add in health related conditions like past strokes, seizures, heart attacks, etc. You don’t learn this unless you practice psychology or work with brain scans, but your brain effectively wanes (like it literally rots) with the amount of gray matter and the ratio and sizes of brain regions allowing you to function changing. Combine that with the extraordinarily poor health decisions and lives most of these people grew up with (heavy drinking leading to Korsakoffs, General brain damage and PTSD from veterans, A lot of the same kinds of issues with drug usage, General brain injuries from accidents, lead in things like gasoline, paint, and pipes, asbestos and you got a time period of people like this with fading relevance. TLDR: getting old blows

[@Larsgman]

I cannot laugh at this. Maybe it’s the realization that we are all going to die one day and every day that passes pushes us towards that end, like an indomitable wall that slowly pushes you off a cliff.

[@calanon534]

When I get old, if I get dementia, I hope I have the clarity to self-checkout.. and I don't mean at a grocery store. I watched my maternal grandfather die with - not of - non-Alzheimer's Dementia. He regressed back to 1943, and started hitting on my mom for a bit (his daughter) until one day he said she looked like an old lady and he wanted the hot oriental girls (the Filipino nurses) instead. Once he forgot me, he was dead to me, and that was years previous. I'd walked in that day and he had mentally regressed to when my (gay) Uncle was about 14, just after everyone found out. He openly said he needed to beat the fairies out of me, and tried to take my head off with his cane. My mother was very angry and even punished me for not going to see him after that. The horror I saw convinced me that I may need to set up a Manly Death Contract. I want "Murder by Mob Hitman." Props if anyone remembers the sketch.

[@_Jay_Maker_]

Hey Burial, the music really, really sells this. It's like shopping at the grocery store, but it's run by The Caretaker, who made _Everywhere At The End of Time._ It's funny, but also so fucking sad.

[@burialgoods]

I appreciate that, had given it a good bit of thought. Glad you enjoyed it

[@goontheracoon]

this is why we norwegians used to force old ppl to jump of cliffs, sometimes we let them jump into waterfall cauldrons or wtf its called, it gave them a chance to swim back up showing that they arent totally useless yet, that is.. if they can still see where to jump towards.. if not then we dodged another oldie returning from the mountains.

[@ClitoridectomyGroyper]

based

[@schleinzy322]

Holy shit dude that's dark

[@goontheracoon]

@@schleinzy322 canada wanna have you fill out forms and inject you with shit or choke u on gass, this sound better.. Senicide is hip, get with the times XD

[@davidreeding9176]

I used to work retail. Random raw chicken in the toilet paper section, stinking the place up. I genuinely thought someone left a turd in the isle or something it stunk so bad.

[@spicymeatballs2thespicening]

Lmao

[@SpicyButterflyWings]

Imagine being a cognitively aware old person, timing your shopping trips in line with these people, and taking the chance to blend in and pretend you're incompetent just to mess with everyone at that store. Just to have the freedom of being a little rascal and reveling in the chaos. Man I'm so glad I'mma die young 😃👍

[@jangamecuber]

that's what the deep fryer guy was doing

[@devingarrett5800]

It's not just the delivery or the voice... it's the f- ing music.

[@onilink0thefur]

I was smiling the entire time, but that final "WHAT THE FUCK" And the voice used to say it, absolutely fucking broke me. Laughing for a solid minute at least, holy shit that got me

[@Frixworks]

Actually pennies are still legal tender in Canada, considering the point is go take them out of public circulation. Stores will trade them in with the banks, and theyre sent to the government, if I remember correctly.

[@bankotsu2a]

That "WTF!" at the end caught me off guard 😂

[@MenilekAlemseged]

one must imagine tomato lady happy

[@Ion115]

I feel like that voice makes everything 5x more funnier.

[@undeadwill5912]

I have no idea why Im laughing so hard. Its the deep frier being repeatedly put into a freezer.

[@CJVS995]

As you are I once was. As am I so you shall be - Old Roman saying on tombs.

[@MCmikelmax]

Great it's the exact same shit everyone else said here but even more pretentious. Have you weighed yourself lately btw what did the numbers say?

[@S-G-zm3uu]

We have senior discounts at our store every tuesday and thursday and the early morning shift goes pretty much like this but with less damage to the store

[@Stahlengel13]

I work at a farm and ranch store... this hits oddly hard. Have a guy who is very elderly who comes in to buy horse shoes once a month or so. His son brings them back usually within the week because his pa hasnt had a horse on the place in almost 20 years now. He is a super nice guy tho, learn a lot letting him ramble.

[@kingnull2697]

Honestly, he probably just wants to talk to someone & the horseshoes are his excuse.