The Roiding Warhammer Autist

Music:
• Mr.Kitty - After Dark

[@burialgoods]

A couple of 40k book excerpt narrations: Fabius Bile is judged by Slaanesh: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qKHCYYFvactso6M A loyalist Astartes is brought before the Warmaster: kzbin.info/www/bejne/raHEY6GsipuNgrc

[@HANUMAN7454]

@@arnijulian6241 yeah I'm a graffiti writer/skater/bmxrider/ bartender who LOVES 40k. I rock with the World Eaters. I even got some 40k tattoos lol. catch me lamping in the eye of chaos in a black stone fortress boutta go on a Black Crusade!

[@greg0050]

Brother Roidtardius is struggling with the Black Rage, bless his heart.

[@Flipdagoose]

all of them are on drugs, remember?

[@greg0050]

If my Primarch died at the hands of a traitor dog, i'd need some medication myself.@@Flipdagoose

[@RomanvonUngernSternbergnrmfvus]

@@greg0050 the space marine suit has a enough chems in it to make down town Detroit look tame and the emperors children STILL WANTED MORE AND STRONGER STUFF

[@peacefulfren8879]

Get him a chaplain quick

[@mooshrooom6853]

IT'S ALL WHORE'S FAULT, WHORES! WHY DID YOU BETRAY EVERYONE, WHORES!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@void735]

"plz keep it down" "Its not whores its Horus" "Ooh my apolegies, please continue brother."

[@Funnymandias]

Best lifting inspiration Ive seen in a while. Get so swole that you can force people to take interest in your interests for fear of getting pummeled to death.

[@themarlboromandalorian]

Isn't that what Plato basically did?

[@Funnymandias]

@@themarlboromandalorian Plate-o.

[@dasshift6925]

The Angron grind set

[@Juniper_2007]

@@themarlboromandalorian That is a good Theseis, unfortunatly MY ABS

[@kooolainebulger8117]

@@themarlboromandalorian love how history forgot his true name and it was replaced with greek for "broad-shouldered"

[@balazsvarga1823]

The Chad Angel vs the Virgin "pls no loud noises in my gym" .

[@gorbintime]

This

[@BuffKangaroo8862]

thiS

[@Sweetness71775]

100%

[@mikesnyder3317]

This is exactly what I took from this. He did not know how to take this specimen who not only Trains daily but is also a scholar who reads a 52 books series FOR FUN. Fuck op. He sounds like a bitch. Also horus did betray us

[@Hellvine]

Based.

[@attemptedunkindness3632]

That wasn't a rant, that was recruitment for the last war humanity will ever face and our man just got better headphones instead. Edit: Easily the cheaper option.

[@that_guy_that_plays_stuff]

Would you rather get 500$ headphones or, 2,500$ army

[@attemptedunkindness3632]

@@that_guy_that_plays_stuff Why can't it be both?

[@Goofy-G]

A true son of Sanguinius.

[@shanewoodhouse9325]

absolutely based

[@Sweetness71775]

Based beyond base

[@BigPuddin]

"Horus?"

[@zodiark111]

Based

[@dondomdimadom6699]

​@@BigPuddin Horus killed sanguinius, the father of the blood angels

[@astalkus7540]

Becoming a 6 days a week gym bro for the Astartes transformation. Beyond based

[@darthkek1953]

All he has to do now is purge the Heretic, the Unclean, and the Xenos.

[@Rooachie]

​@@darthkek1953and the alien, dont forget the alien.

[@sixwings6932]

@@Rooachie That's what xenos is my nigga.

[@PelinalDidNothingWrong]

Imagine this being somebody's introduction to Warhammer 40k. Also that dude's grind is fucking legendary

[@flare_studios.]

This... _is_ my introduction. I have no clue what Warhammer 40k is. Lmao

[@radcut7404]

​@@flare_studios. Welcome to Warhammmer 40k! We have: A fascist, feudal, theocracy worshipping a kinda dead, kinda alive anti-theist that has has 7-9 foot tall space racists in near indestructable armor among their most common forces. A gigantic army of egyptian terminators that had been asleep for 60 million years after fighting a war that was so desastrous it fucked a mirror dimension so much that it set in motion the birth of evil gods that continue to fuck with the galaxy to this present day. One of them also constantly travels through time because he wants to win petty squabbles against his rival, a historian that steals actual moments in time to put in his museum. Big, green mushrooms that bend reality to their will by the sheer power of imagination and belief. This is how they manage to keep up with the super advanced technology of the other factions by putting scrap together in the shape of a gun and simply believing it to be able to shoot actual bullets. And this was just a taste of it all.

[@satanic_rosa]

Welcome to the fandom.

[@Volvith]

@@flare_studios. Welcome, might i suggest watching 75 hours of lore videos to get into the basics? :)

[@corvuszorcath398]

Welcome to poverty^

[@markcochrane9523]

>WHORES WHY DID YOU BETRAY EVERYONE Oh, I know where this is going

[@procerusgigas]

I had no idea, I started rolling when he said Horus!

[@purplehaze5607]

Weakest Son of Sanguinius vs strongest Tau water-caste

[@AegisAuras]

For a guy who doesn’t know what warhammer is, he recounted the story in suspiciously high detail.

[@rileybright-canton6888]

My thoughts exactly.

[@DuskFox7]

I mean, sounds like an experience that’s difficult to forget.

[@spriteking3944]

Maybe he secretly liked what he was hearing idk

[@eindalton2638]

OP is a Warhammer fan and wanted to make up a story. This cannot be written by a non-fan, because he got the Dark Eldar wrong on purpose.

[@normalusername5223]

>on 4chan >pretending not to know what warhammer 40k is Least believable aspect of story.

[@impguardwarhamer]

for real though the unbelievable part is he remembered all those details about the setting at 2:35

[@Fallout3131]

@@impguardwarhameryup I noticed that too, fishy

[@bof8850]

on utube uses gtf

[@Dogman262]

@@impguardwarhamerThat would be anon speaking as Roidtard

[@impguardwarhamer]

​@@Dogman262 yes but if anon genuinely didnt know about warhammer and didnt give a shit like he claims he wouldnt have autistically remembered everything the roidtard said.

[@burialgoods]

I can't really say shit, I played Chaos Space Marines from 7th to 9th edition, and had about 25k points worth of models by the time I quit

[@herbertmoon998]

Iron within, Iron without, Iron at the gym

[@GYPHIST]

You sold em?

[@burialgoods]

@@GYPHIST Yeah, had to quit

[@GYPHIST]

@@burialgoods I gotta quit sometime around this year too they get more expensive each year, fucking hate gw

[@burialgoods]

@@GYPHIST GW can suck a bag of dicks

[@MrTyp00n]

Don't know what's funniest about this, that the guy thinks he's a Blood Angel or that he thinks the knifeears will murderfuck him if he looks at them wrong.

[@sovietunion7643]

jokes on him, the dark knifears don't need any reason to murderfuck anyone to death.

[@voomvoom4522]

By the description of him, it seems like he is an actual blood angel.

[@Gage_The_Comrade_or_Something]

This is like those stories of neuro-divergent dudes getting relentlessly bullied & barely have any skills becoming like the richest people on earth. But instead of the rich part we get some giant gym bro in some cult channeling magic to benchpress like God himself

[@genericuser984]

from the moment i understood the weak ness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel.

[@pedroferreira4323]

neuro-divergent? dog this is a based channel, you can just say "retard", no one is going to hit you...probably

[@Flesh_Wizard]

the tardrage is a whole lot more destructive when it's gymbro tardrage

[@kooolainebulger8117]

@@Flesh_Wizard like creatin gorillas

[@MinorityRespecter88]

Wait is neurodivergent the new politically correct term 'mentally ill'?

[@alexthehopeless3778]

"Deadlifts for the dark gods" suddenly starts making sense huh

[@AtomicMonkeybutt]

Maybe it was Eli in the gym?

[@Svoorhout85]

Theres a guy in my gym who has a space marine tattooed on his entire arm. He talks about conspiracy theories all the time. Had a good laugh when I saw him with his wife and kids outside if the gym. They were going on a family bike ride wearing matching jackets and helmets.

[@themarlboromandalorian]

That's adorable as shit.

[@Svoorhout85]

@@themarlboromandalorian Its funny when you know he talks Andrew Tate shit when he's alone.

[@non-applicable3548]

Cute

[@bentuovila5296]

Wholesome and goldpilled

[@BR0984]

@@Svoorhout85basedso

[@GoodTimeBuddies]

Just sounds like he ran into Majorkill

[@alcatrazz.627]

Lmaooo

[@jabbadesilijictiure2937]

You should come in one day throat-singing deep kargyraa and khoomei and say you're a member of the White Scars

[@DougDangerous]

Honestly, I'd be doing the same fuckin' thing. That man is unfathomably based.

[@ffwast]

The virgin "keep it down ☝️🤓" vs the chad *HOOOOORUUUUUUUS*

[@lior414]

POV: your gym partner is henry cavill

[@alphaecho3094]

Doubt this actually happened, but it perfectly sums up what it's like to interact with a 40k fan.

[@Th3Kingism]

No way a dude that uses 4chan doesn't know what 40k is but it made me laugh

[@DeadGothicRed]

Awww the Blood Angel dude was just happy to make a new friend.

[@darknessml6145]

The masculine urge to curse the name of the Archtraitor

[@Isuukuu]

Black rage Chad vs "k-k-keep it down pls" virgin.

[@thetgomes6322]

NPC met the main character and didnt knew what to do with it

[@MaitlandJones]

Absolutely based. That man is my goddamn hero. I intend to start lifting someday too, I want to be a space marine.

[@Telados]

Why someday and not today?

[@squirreltakular9049]

Start now. Literally now. Pushups, air squats, rows using door frame. Anything can be regressed to an easier version. All you need is a reason.

[@MaitlandJones]

@@squirreltakular9049 Good idea, been starting simple, get out and walk. I've been considering body weight exercises.

[@luxinvictus9018]

start now. It makes the depression go away and makes you feel good :) also, insomnia goes away, and you stop falling into neurotic spirals because all that nervous energy gets actually used for something. Still have not managed to talk to women though :| For that I might need one or two reps of "initiate conversation" but I scared.

[@mirceazaharia2094]

​@@luxinvictus9018 You will always be scared. Always and forever. The essence of courage is accepting that and doing it anyway. Just accept the high probability of heartbreak / rejection. It is the cost of dating and mating. Try to learn how to spot the crazy ones, and never tolerate their sh*t tests. I wish you the very best of luck.

[@samueltrusik3251]

Honestly, using the fictional black rage and the real hatred of Horus to get buff sounds interesting.

[@xenon3990]

Dude channeling the black rage to bench harder is kind of a Mood Ngl

[@theloweffortchannel7211]

IRL space marine

[@madjack58]

Am I the only one mildly upset by the fact that OP didn't become his friend?

[@imthelizardking]

A few years later and this guy is probably king of the gym, loremastering with miring normies, and showing them pics of his Blood Angels

[@GenuinelyHorriblePerson]

"I just keep staring and smiling politely for fear of him killing me in an autistic fit of rage" that's poetry right there.

[@juhasznagyjozsef]

You misspelled pottery.

[@KingzzzYT]

@@juhasznagyjozsef…he meant poetry, my dude.

[@purplepioneer5644]

I played a Blood Angel army, respect

[@TheAwesomeAnon]

One of the God Emperor's own. Truly.

[@kabob0077]

3:16 Anon, you are speaking _Heresy._

[@hajagameznstuff6956]

somebody better make those screams into a soundbite, cus that shit's fuckin hilarious 💀

[@lsdontoast7424]

where is this guy i need to work out with him

[@viorp5267]

The context makes it even funnier. This was posted on /fit/, by a guy completely unaware about 40k. Not on /tg/ as a joek or something

[@GekleloPlays]

Dude hitting that Black Rage PR.

[@ignis2638]

If I knew Horus hating was the key to allowing me to lift more I should have started hating him sooner

[@herbertmoon998]

God damn, just the title is perfect

[@baronvonfedora1524]

Bet he listens to Stringstorm while lifting for maximum gains

[@Asterion_Mol0c]

Not anymore with what happened

[@toastle8005]

@@Asterion_Mol0c true… but some of the collab songs they did with other creators were great

[@eindalton2638]

Stringstorm is mid shit. You either go for Hmkids, Grimwind or just Farya Faraji for that real 40k autism feel. Yes, I know Farya Faraji isn't a 40k guy, but historical-esque music hits the same spot.

[@av6728]

it truly is difficult to find someone IRL who will nerd out with me about 40k lore. I feel for the guy.

[@zacharyjames9602]

Dude needs to move to Hollywood stat😂

[@joshuarichard1892]

My stomach hurts from laughing. The Emperor Protects.

[@eternalvibe9083]

I've never imagined Horus's name that way, and now I can't unhear it. It sums him up perfectly.

[@luxinvictus9018]

reminds me of when I tried to explain 40k to my mom to make a point about religion. I still make call backs to it with "that one where they worship technology" and she's just like "oh yeah that one"

[@thepolishdestroyeroprpioru9164]

Ngl if brother roiditus was at my gym, I'd start shouting about Magnus. We may be of different legions, but we may share our general hatred

[@jobob9643]

could have shut him down nice like. "Awa I'm just a guardsmen and I don't think my commissar would approve of this blood angel."

[@maxducks2001]

I aspire to become this man. To not only become fit, but to be unashamed and let known my grief for the death of the great dream of humanity. Of the Astartes. Of the Emperor.

[@RainbowGod666]

Ah, a fellow (checks notes) _as pa ra gus..._ huh. Yeah honestly i know my kin enough to know that somebody VOLOUNTARILY GETTING ROID RAGE just for a 40k reference is possible... the "screaming about horus because thats what black rage do" bit it sounds cringe but everything else is BASED

[@ohmygoditisspider7953]

i say, if the story's true, let the guy beat the black rage every morning. i wake up seething that carthage lost the punic wars every day for my entire life and I'm not going to explain this because it's insane and very strange, but it ain't hurting people and this is a good icebreaker so fuck it. if the story's true, then homeboy screaming about horus *actually did* result in an opportunity to speak with a stranger. that's the lesson I got, anyway.

[@RainbowGod666]

@@ohmygoditisspider7953 ah, un fan di di "carthago delenda est", eh? (italian noises)

[@mirceazaharia2094]

​@@ohmygoditisspider7953 *confused but soothing Dacian noises*

[@zeoswjx]

I swear half the fanbase got brain damage

[@RainbowGod666]

​@@zeoswjx most fanbases have brain damage. Post-2017 all the sane ones are stuck on tumblr reblogging gay ships And im fine with it but damn, in this economy?

[@fifthofascalante7311]

I was howling at the revelation that he actually meant Horus and not whores, because despite it being so obvious, I did not see it coming

[@sum1337]

FOR THE ANGEL GAINZ!!!! THE EMPEROR SPOTS!

[@grandis_]

Bro is part of the "special" forces of the emperor💀

[@homosexualbadger]

this is written by someone who absolutely knows warhammer lore and is desperately pretending not to

[@SuperVidman101]

Roid for the roid god, tren for tren throne!

[@Жойлес]

I can relate to OP on a spiritual level. Mostly because I don't know thing about WH40K

[@stepheneaton4978]

This man chooses not to bathe in the light of the Emperor of mankind and instead prefers to cloak himself in the darkness of the nonbeliever.

[@drakoinx]

"Then he got on the floor and danced the dinosaur"

[@riythemusicguy7696]

Honestly anon just hasn't taken the ragepill yet

[@LC-zk5ri]

posts on 4chan and acts like he isnt an autist as well

[@bdletoast09]

A dude on 4chan not knowing what Warhammer is? I don't buy that.

[@Lightscribe225]

I honestly thought this was going to be a story of the Iron Tard, but this is much better.

[@leonwinchester9865]

All this video did for me was inform me that the nether in Minecraft and hell in 40k work the same way.

[@daPawlak]

40k fans not refusing to accept there might be nerds not aware of their fav thing (esp couple of years ago) is the funniest part

[@imstupid880]

Man even posted on /fit/ instead of /tg/, truly committed to the bit

[@Vincent_A.]

This is an amazing read, thanks burialgoods.

[@_Royalfool_]

Reverted back to monarchy? REVERTED?? THE EMPIRE MARCHES FORWARD

[@castingspells_cz]

this just reminded me of what kind of people 4channers are, op is such a jerk, he clearly cant see how based the 40k gymbro is

[@petergriffin3796]

Bro met a space marine

[@sreardonatpfg]

If he thinks foot for the state was horrible, he is going to absolutely lose his shit when he hears about Satan‘s rebellion against God. Gym bro will find Christ.

[@grouchy88]

I'd love a whole retelling of 40k lore by that dude

[@schroedingersband]

Kek'd so hard

[@Scorched-E04th]

Horus did betray everyone and his anger is beyond justified, but it is fiction so 😂

[@yamibakura8597]

I love this one. Classic /fit/ (maybe) ? Either way, funny as hell.

[@IshijimaKairo]

The Emperor Protects

[@Annihilation_Studios]

God i want to talk to that guy. I want to deadlift for the dark gods too

[@inoroth2001]

$10 says OP *IS* the Sanguinius Simp crying over the Heresy.

[@n0k148]

average bolt thrower fan:

[@digitalshoes5520]

2 types of greentext stories about warhammer: 1. laboratory distilled and concentrated autism 2. it hurts, anons

[@demon_xd_]

a true Blood Angel at heart

[@grims7583]

I haven't laughed this hard in a while!

[@NIL0S]

Described like that, the setting is still cool AF 😂

[@chuppimunn5317]

god damm a blood angle fan

[@ElAceitoso]

THE NAILS ARE BITING

[@deneskun.8587]

This made my night thank you lmao

[@mr.kittysavestheworld695]

Nobody can recount so much information in such exactly not-quite-right detail without knowing the subject and doing it on purpose. Obviously all greentexts are fake, but some are much more believable than others, and this one is extremely obvious. The real instant dead giveaway was him spelling it "Horus" and not "Horace." If you only heard it spoken you would never think it was spelled that way. All that being said, life sucks, and sometimes you just want a funny story to be true and don't want to think about it too hard.

[@ethanburch422]

Bro met a Son of Sanguinius out in the wild, what an honor

[@all_your_baser_belong_to_us]

I’m gonna scream Horus next time in the gym

[@cyberus1438]

I too am engaged by Horus

[@yeetingpotato2934]

bro as soon as i heard that he was screaming horus i was shocked. the death company is now a real thing? we are fucked.

[@rougenarwhal8378]

Holy shit my guy you have the voice of an olog hai, also I knew where this was going as soon as he mentioned horus

[@Centinym]

Plot twist: he was the guy and he is cringing at himself.

[@matteorossi1172]

That man was a space marine i am sure

[@PlamenHadzhiev-oj4lq]

Man, I'd love to workout with that guy

[@giorgiofenu5563]

GLORY TO THE NINTH BROTHER

[@raresscortanu2757]

Wh40k is truly an austist thing i love it