Anxious Attachment: Check These 5 Blindspots If You're Feeling Unfulfilled In Your Relationships

[@tyler6god]

The moment we've all been waiting for

[@eirdoula]

We’ve all been anxiously* waiting for 😂

[@SchwartzerAdler]

Really? I feel like there's more people who are somewhere on the avoidant than on the anxious spectrum. Although I can't quite ascertain the margin.

[@tyler6god]

@@SchwartzerAdler anxiety is the driver to seek the information out, while the opposite (albeit, a form of anxiety in its own right) is less likely to do so, implicitly

[@ZahSoZen]

😅😅😅😅😅😅😂​@@eirdoula

[@redblueiris]

Wow back to back videos from Heidi ...feels like a buffet restaurant, hungry for more but all of my plates are full

[@JohnDeere-k4j]

As a person currently working on my anxious attachment, I’m excited to watch this video, Heidi! As usual, you’re the best!

[@Jam-m7m]

Thank you. Heidi Priebe ❤. I’m 70 years old and I’ve been working on myself with EFT Tapping, Journaling, Shadow work. Dianetics, for 20 years or more. I still notice that when I’m dysregulated and I’m fawning and need to look at why and what trauma from my past. I need to process in healing my past. ❤😊

[@rehumanizeXX]

1:54 Am I engaging in a lot of people-pleasing behaviors because i think it will make my relationship better? 6:19 In an argument, am I trying to compromise or something else? 10:34 Is my life revolving around this relationship? 13:35 Am I exercising enough self-protection to allow my partner to have off-days? 18:09 Am I choosing partners who are genuinely emotionally available?

[@krista7088]

I visualize my inner child too, but I don't tell them they are perfect. I tell them they are imperfect actually, but that imperfection is great - that's what makes them unique and interesting and awesome. I do this because my inner child doesn't need to think that I/we are perfect; they just need to be reminded that we're okay.

[@Amybhds]

cute!

[@ordinarryalien]

I tell my inner child that if they don’t eat their broccoli, I’m sending them to an orphanage. I still can’t figure out why my inner child hates me... 🤷‍♂️

[@KimberleyJP]

420k followers! ❤ I remember when I first started following your work and I couldn't believe you only had 12k followers..! It's amazing that you are now able to share your expertise and wisdom with so many people around the world and I'm sure are making a great living from your amazing contribution 🎉🎉

[@bunchofkeys]

Wow, thank you! That made me thinking. Youre so brutally honest while being totally polite. 😌

[@coramarcu3741]

It is so validating and encouraging listening to your videos about my specific problems. I will come back to this one many times I'm sure. Thank you!

[@DMKarinZeeland]

Didn't want to hear this, but needed to hear this and glad you handled it with care. Thank you so much

[@JenelleBella]

The anxious attachment trap: “closeness is about sameness”. The truth: “closeness is about observing each other’s differences, creating a dynamic contrast and learning from each other”.

[@czypauly07]

Another beautifully written gem. I veer toward anxious attachment... I was wondering if you would ever consider writing about the dynamics of like to like attachment styles? Thankyou for all your amazing work.

[@brennanleyen]

I’m overly generous and people pleasing. Such an anxiously attached person. My marriage to an avoidant recently ended and I’m still struggling with abandonment even though he cheated and I filed for divorce. Thanks for all your vids that have helped me for the last 3 years.

[@jrubincornier]

Talk about a great Christmas gift!!!! Your videos are amazing. Thank you!

[@AnHourOfWolves]

The first two of these have already been especially valuable, thanks for posting!

[@taylamcpherson5598]

I need your videos most when I can tell I am actively avoiding them. I've gotta do the uncomfortable work for me. Thank you for all that you do

[@IagreewithDmitri]

This is probably the best and most useful video I have watched all year. Thank you Heidi!

[@laurencelauzon2494]

The distinction between seeking resolution and regulation is very useful, and I’ve definitely seen that the aiming for the former is much more productive, at least with an avoidant partner. I wonder if there is a correct time and manner to also seek regulation, or if this is always something that one has to deal with on their own.

[@black-nails]

I think it is important to seek both, but personally I do need to self-regulate a bit in order to at least understand what is the real issue and feeling is. From that place I can seek regulation/ support instead of just being scared/ trying to do something unconsciously

[@KerriEverlasting]

This video makes me anxious 😂❤

[@Gopher755]

Heidi will be back.

[@yippierb]

Man!! Where were you with this stuff 40 years ago!! I know, I've been married damn near as long as you've been alive. Haha. Would have saved me a lot of grief. Thanks for the education.

[@janny.p]

In my opinion, pain in romantic relationships is inevitable. If not for one thing, for another. If not with one person,then with another... Don't feel sorry for what has happened, learn your lessons and move on

[@xoxo3703]

YES GOD ANOTHER UPLOAD

[@4Authenticity]

1:53 This is the critical question for me. Whatever category one wants to put it in (people pleasing, co-regulating, co- dependent) the point for me is basically, am I putting my partner on a pedestal? Whether it’s their needs, wants, feelings, opinions, whatever…I would put everything up there and accept whatever is left, even if there was nothing. So this question, for me, is probably more of a regular check in. And it’s important because I do love to serve my partner! And the edge of me, is the boundary. Heidi!!! Thank you.

[@vz3_]

I can’t tell you how deeply this is the message I needed to hear at this very moment. Thank you thank you thank you

[@drchadcham]

Thanks!

[@Andy455x]

Thank you Heidi your videos are always very encouraging and uplifting… I definitely lean more anxiously attached but have started my healing journey and becoming more aware and secure within myself.. good luck to everyone on their healing journey treat yourself with kindness.

[@sanjeevgig8918]

1. Over-analyzing partner's behavior: Constantly questioning and interpreting every action of your partner. 2. Neglecting self-care: Focusing too much on the relationship and neglecting your own needs and well-being. 3. Fear of abandonment: Allowing the fear of being left to dominate your thoughts and actions. 4. Difficulty setting boundaries: Struggling to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in the relationship. 5. Seeking constant reassurance: Frequently needing validation and assurance from your partner.

[@bunchofkeys]

What does that list answer to? Or whats the headline?

[@Sycamoresap]

The blindspots of anxiously attatched strategies ​@bunchofkeys

[@boon_rumpshaker]

So glad you wrote this so I don't have to watch the video. I don't understand why every video has to be over 10 damn minutes

[@Sycamoresap]

@boon_rumpshaker You should watch the video it's incredibly insightful. If anything this video is merely a compilation of some points from her other videos. Totally worth it 👌

[@closethockeyfan5284]

Solid 5-for-5: double, double, triple, homer, triple. Anxious attachment steroids definitely are doing the trick. What could possibly go wrong?

[@AnHourOfWolves]

The silver lining for people with the fearful-avoidant attachment style is that they can use all of these blind-spot videos! 🔥

[@EtherTheReal]

Idk if this is a good or bad thing😂

[@AnHourOfWolves]

@ I get that, haha

[@alisiademi]

One thing I would love to know is where the line of "I'm allowing them to be human" turns into "I'm allowing them to abuse me and speak to me disrespectfully"? I feel like your answer is going to be to hold true to your boundaries and leave the premises when it becomes abuse? It's just that there's this weird line where some people will agree it's abuse while others see it as someone being a human. I'd really like more clarity about the difference as someone healing from gaslighting wounds and abuse.

[@songgioi-thetwain849]

I think this is where being attuned to your body’s reactions is vital. While single, we work on ourselves, do healing, and get familiar with what safety or lack of thereof feels like. Then, in a relationship, if we start to get alarmed, our nervous system gets disregulated, we swiftly and resolutely seek space and/or safety, no matter if the situation meets someone’s (even our own) definition abuse. One way I’ve healed from gaslighting is to make my body my ultimate reality. He might convince my brain that I overthought, but the shearing pain I feel in my heart is real and if it’s there every time I talk to him, then I’d get away from him even if he’s a “good guy”.

[@bugwaterguy]

Thanks for sharing. I wonder the same thing. Is the line related to how often it happens? Or severity of the abusive behaviors? I don't know.

[@alisiademi]

@@songgioi-thetwain849that is really helpful I'm going to save what you wrote. Thank you

[@nyc5396]

Fantastic work! Thank you, Heidi!

[@sebastianosuch273]

You are gold.

[@closethockeyfan5284]

13:00 Yes; I have overfilled my time, if anything. That still does not seem to help. In fact, it tends to divide into three general categories of people in my experience: - Fellow highly committed people who expect me to give up some of my things to conform to theirs or won't get close enough because there's simply no time. - The exact opposite, minimally involved people who are intimidated by my level of involvement or can't imagine finding time together. - People who are moderately involved and find some way (among many possible explanations) to convince themselves that my higher involvement is somehow unhealthy, problematic, etc., because balance or self-esteem comparison or whatever underlying issue in them.

[@hardcorefoodie7818]

Seems like the key word might be overfilled. By your own admission, you might need to cut back on some things in order to find balance. As someone with ADHD and a strong drive (before perimenopause) I know how difficult that can be, but one of my friends helped me to see where I could cut back on some things and it made a huge difference.

[@closethockeyfan5284]

@@hardcorefoodie7818 Very applicable; yes, I think that is fair as a factor. But I still manage to find ample time to give a partner while definitely being a well-rounded individual regardless. Another factor is the type of people; maybe that's what I am trying to get at, of how to identify signs of someone who will actually match the effort.

[@janny.p]

Try and error, I think, is the only way to find out which people are your type. And investing in them as much as you want. You can also have some of the other types for occasional interaction. It's good that you have so many people, I have 2.

[@closethockeyfan5284]

@@janny.p these people I refer to are purely prospects at absolute most, with the two exceptions of my whole adult life being my college sweetheart who divorced me (good for us both) after 11 total years together in March and a situationship that recently broke off after a few months of the other being hot and cold. In other words, things tend to end before starting. Book judged by cover and all.

[@dealarconf]

I was waiting for this 🤩 Thank you Heidiiiii

[@IndigoHazelnut]

Your content is so helpful Heidi, thank you for sharing your wisdom

[@pord1234]

Great insights to consider with respect to my family and friend relationships. The part about people-pleasing as a low form of energy in a relationship certainly struck a chord and makes sense to me. I have also encountered people who want more people-pleasing or "socially approved" behaviour from me and wonder what is at work for them.

[@nautilus541]

haha perfect timing for this video, thank you

[@natMcil]

very useful information, thanks!

[@EtherTheReal]

20:29 "Thats all what im gonna say" Heidi said as she delivered a concise guide on anxious relatio ship dynamics others need hours for in 20min😂❤

[@tinyfacemcgee9211]

More about regulation from others with specific examples please💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[@julee0]

Brilliant, Heidi thank you.

[@shontelldiehm2216]

Thank you for your work, Goddess🎶

[@serhatvarolan]

Would you be interested in doing a deep dive into using daydreaming as a self-regulator? I’ve been watching you since May and you mentioned this topic few times, a full length video on this topic would be great

[@GenevieveBasile]

Thanks for saving my life!!!! How do u explain everything I’ve ever felt but was never able to verbalize

[@Gobeyondthebrochure]

I needed this video, thank you!

[@chiaraA.]

As many people are saying…. Gold ❤

[@bugwaterguy]

Thank you for this video. I am having difficulty with the point “Am I exercising enough self-protection to allow my partner to make mistakes and be a human?” and “In a secure relationship, both partners will be able to trade off on that secure baseroll.” How do you check for that, without “keeping score”? What if one partner has significant mental or physical health issues, which means they might have huge disparities in the capacity to reciprocate? I assume that the healthier partner will need to find other avenues to get help with regulation. Or can relationships not be healthy unless each partner has a similar capacity to help the other? I am thinking of this in the context of a long-term, committed relationship, where a significant change happens in one partner’s health status.

[@arocastro]

Thank you!

[@nk-dc5gc]

question here: is there a video by you yet, where you explain how to deal with the distress of no-contact, when your partner really needs time after a fight and you know that's fine and you rationally don't mind, but emotionally it feels like... torture?

[@nk-dc5gc]

if so, i'd love to know the title. you have SO many videos, but i take notes, so watching a 20mins video takes 2hours for me, so figuring out where this info could be without having to watch every single video would be cool T.T thx

[@kk8490]

Using space and self-regulation to build intimacy: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mGGUaqKJpNl2e7ssi=_NQjHj_w5zJaw8GH

[@marciodeoliveira1878]

Anxious attachment: using space and self-regulation to build intimacy

[@Justaguy702]

Do these apply only in the context of romantic relationships? Or relationships in general, (ie parent/child)? I ask because i have a lot of conflict with my dad, and Blind Spot #2 really resonates with me. When having a conflict with a parent, is it normal/healthy to primarily seek regulation as opposed to resolution? P.S. I love your channel, you have an uncanny way of articulating exactly how I’m feeling or what I’m dealing with. It’s incredibly helpful and reassuring. Thank you!

[@onepetalleft]

Promptly adding to my "Heidi Priebe favorites" playlist...

[@Lily-jg7zs]

5:41 5:41 But how can I feel at ease allowing other people (and myself) to begin seeing my edges if all my life I have been made to feel like there is something wrong with me and that my reactions and me as an individual are flawed and bad? If I have no friends or relationships that can support me? It feels like a catch-22 in that I need connection and relationships to begin building connection and intimacy and have relationships.

[@SarahGee808]

That was so beautifully said, Heidi, when you demonstrated the internal conversation you might have with yourself (the hurt child). There is so much compassion in the words you used, and it also cements the idea that “there is nothing wrong with you” - which, in my experience is always at the forefront of most/all insecurities. If I could wish something for myself, I would wish that I could also carry out that dialogue to help ground myself and bring light to the situation. Because, we all know it’s so instinctual to go down the rabbit hole of negativity. Thank you for this! 🫶🏼

[@AntoninaJytte]

These blindspots are biggest challange in relationships. I recommend reading Divine Goddess Appeal by Lentlish for better understanding

[@ValentinaKali-i2r]

Lentlish is great, I love their books. Especially the free ones

[@sanjeevgig8918]

@@ValentinaKali-i2r SPAM comment on lots of sites.

[@brandynamite3022]

SCAM PLEASE DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY ON THIS!!!!

[@NataliaBertelli-qh6so]

I love you, thank you ❤

[@xWabbli]

14:03 damn, this hits. Thanks Heidi

[@Muck-qy2oo]

Hello Heidi, I would like to know what I can do about limerence (me being limerent)?

[@ViVi1159-d1]

There are a lot of videos on the channel about limerence

[@funefulla1]

The way you describe the center of gravity reminds me of the relationships of magnets

[@djVania08]

Any good practical book on this topic?

[@TheBillKillgore]

What on earth Heidi, I was just thinking about why I may be experiencing this?!?

[@julianeg3669]

Mh...I am trying to learn more about boyfriend and what he needs to feel loved and I am putting a lot of effort into bridging the distance in our long-distance relationship. I am also trying to communicate what I need, but I don't see much effort or understanding on his part. He tries and we have good conversations about it, but I feel like I am putting in 80% of the emotional labour. I do get into fighting mode, though. I meditate and calm myself and tell myself that it's going to be fine, and then I get nothing from him. At what point are my needs legitimately not being met and when is it just my insecurity?

[@julianeg3669]

I get that I am responsible for my own emotional regulation, but when my needs aren't being met, it is legit to be stressed about that.

[@Diogenes741]

How do i focus on myself, when ive been alone for 16 years? I never met anyone before when i pursued my passions. Even the people i did meet were already with someone.

[@matthewsalmon2013]

This could absolutely be a response to Taylor Swift's "Karma"

[@anne8nOtrn]

i dont know who i am outside relationships. how can i find it?

[@ShredderTainment]

How did you know this is exactly what is happening for me right now? 😢🥰

[@mertserozan7268]

Wasn’t there already a blindspots video? In what ways is this one different?

[@KaliDurga74]

This one is specifically how the blindspots impact relationships whereas the other one was more what the style doesn't know about itself.

[@creativepsa]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@becomingmeAnatta]

Am I here seeking resolution? Or, am I here seeking regulation? Yes. Big blindspot.

[@ValentinBrutusBura]

I don't rat... I said that. But enough about me. What is it that *you* know?? :))

[@My.Own.Flashlight]

🥰 In attendance & ready to learn 🫶🏻🩷💜💙🧡

[@rickp.6251]

🦧Soooo izzz this a life long commitment with a nursing home future orrrrrrr ?????