Why Long Distance, Unavailable People Feel Like Your True Love

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

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[@flash_flood_area]

I am so glad that I always avoided involvement with married, or partnered men like the plague. I've had several men try to get me into such a relationship, and I thank heaven the whole idea of me betraying another woman went against my very core

[@natalie77867]

I needed this. Escape in fantasy has always been my coping mechanism. As I've healed over the last couple of years, I've realised it's actually an avoidant tendency of mine. When it comes up, I need to get present and work out what need I am not meeting in myself. The fantasy just dies then 😂

[@amandawilson9555]

You're one of the best counselors I've ever heard. I really like and respect the fact you have both empathy and reason, with a bit of hard love in there, seeking the best for others. And thank you for your reply on my comment on the other video. It's nice to know you listen to and support others who want to better themselves. I do hope you're taking care of yourself as well.

[@ldmatheson]

I met my husband when we were both in a foreign country. I am convinced there was LESS masking in that situation, the chance to be authentic, away from the old mirrors

[@janet8418]

Well said and good advice. My mother was a narcissist and Dad was a loving father but was controlled a lot by my mom. Most of my life, I felt a void. At times, it was hard to stay in reality to survive. However, living in a fantasy world definitely will hurt you in the long run. I’ve learn to have hobbies that make me happy and very selective to have only good genuine friends.

[@tarrahlewis6000]

There's no real connection when being involved with a married man.

[@nunya257]

Not always the case. Broad sweeping statements about relationships are never 100% true.

[@insanelysane8296]

​@@nunya257 ah yes. There are the few married men that are able to form real connections outside of their marriage because they simply don't have a conscience. Go get yourself one of those. They seem fun!

[@Theveganlaowai]

Do not mess with another woman’s husband girl. How would you feel if you were the wife. The betrayal trauma and pain you’d be helping to cause to her. Be better than those who traumatized you.

[@FreedomAndPeaceChris]

If she is not aware of the pain she is causing herself, do you think she has the awareness to understand the possible pain she might cause to others? Being a "good person" always requires first being good to yourself.

[@ireefree2024]

Also the way you get them is the way you'll loose them... most people forget that

[@jenofhearts]

I wrote a book in first grade, See me please my teacher said it was profound. I think of it now that I have no family, no contact. Thank you

[@catherinefry49]

Ooh keep it business & walk away

[@kimp7977]

Agree!! Walk away!!!

[@victoriousjoy9338]

Why oh why? If a man is married or engaged, just stop before you start!! Why must you torture yourself?? 😮

[@editorjeannie2318]

Yea it’s painful being this way I did it for years I’m finally married (for 17 years) but we didn’t meet until I was 36 years old

[@dmix2263]

My first thought is… Anyone can pretend to be exactly what they think you need. Spending physical time in person is the only way to really know some one and it takes a lot of time.

[@skbnvacaville]

This is why your tapes and videos are so popular~ you give us hope when most of our backgrounds are just absolutely 100% dumpster fires! I find it so hard to overcome my childhood because it is just so freaking heavy.

[@dubliner1303]

110% Dumpsters

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

What has helped me... Is to help others that are worse off than me through volunteering... It might give Judith some fulfillment as she moves on from her former boss... You can learn a lot from others worse off than you..

[@60nygal]

I was a shadow child. Ignored pretty much ..very painful you're right .. lonely life but at least I have a pet . Judith my mother's name . I was told I was to willful ...and to sensitive and deep 😢 I would have loved a child like me if i were a parent. I was sensitive and creative ...until i was broken into pieces like a porcelain doll .. Now im old 64 .. I've looked to heal my entire life.. God bless everyone on here ❤❤ Thankyou for this helpful channel for selflessly sharing and caring ❤

[@nunya257]

Me too.

[@janet8418]

@@60nygal I hope you heal, at least where you can understand what happened and move on. I’m a senior now and the pain periodically pops up but I’m in a better place emotionally. My mom would threaten to send me to Reform School if I didn’t obey her immediately. I was only about 12. I was not a bad child. She had issues with her in laws and took it out on me, as I was the first born. The scriptures have helped me a lot. Know, I understand your pain and care. 💕

[@anna-rosephipps3132]

I can relate. I felt invisible. You say 'I was a shadow child'. This chimes with me. I remember saying to myself as an unhappy 12yr old that I feel just like a ragdoll. Tugged this way and that. Not loved

[@jayshrutisingh3648]

Story of my life ❤

[@janet8418]

@@anna-rosephipps3132 ❤️

[@chaniawillow]

I would advise Judith to seek good female friendships. That helped me alot. I like the advise you gave her on this. Self reflection, esp with our patterns is so empowering.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

So sad 😞 that some people that have no business being parents wind up being parents...

[@nikkishaye1111]

All 99% of them!

[@Kasia-s2p]

I experienced it. He lived on the other side of the world and there were other complications but it was such a hard trauma bond for me and full of synchronicities that kept drawing me back to him again and again. It took three months of no contact for the intense limerence, clinging and what felt like a soul-tie, as if his shadow was always following me, to finally dissipate. After that my brain suddenly “let go”, my attachment to him completely dissipated overnight. Strangely I still feel love towards him. I think he was actually in my life to teach me what love is. Love is a vast, unconfined and non-possessive force. My love for him doesn’t need to materialise anything. It would be a downgrade to want to do anything in the physical world like posses them, move towards them or even form a friendship. I would not even need to speak a word to him if he appeared before me because my love is ever present and complete.

[@akferren1]

I have a similar experience.. yes felt like his energy was following me.. has taken 5 years to not cry about it.. I’ve never experienced this before and I hope to never have this happen again

[@lumpyspacecadet]

I started doing EMDR and it helps so much with my dysregulation! I've been doing the Daily Practice for a couple of years, but it had become ineffective as of late. I think I was not entering REM sleep very well, but as soon as began EMDR, the dreaming at night returned very strongly! Finally, I'm less foggy-headed, and my crushing anxiety is slowly getting better. I'm still doing the Daily Practice because nothing replaces that act of getting my fears onto paper. It's just so powerful, so thank you, Anna, for sharing it with the world. Your compassion is so healing. I know the Daily Practice will work better for me now that I can process my life through REM sleep, again.

[@renecurry9978]

I’m glad EMDR is working so well for you . I heard it is better for PTSD than complex PTSD so I haven’t explored it . However I do remember Anna saying it worked for her as well.. Do you know anything about the EMDR app or are you paying a counselor? I understand EMDR practitioners are very expensive but I’m afraid to try the app without the support.

[@MareaRayneOleander]

In my opinion, those who constantly fall for someone outside their "own culture" may be trying to escape it. I'd personally love to assimilate into a culture that i did not grow up with so that i have the ability to leave behind the values and morays that i was raised with.

[@insanelysane8296]

I second that! Mostly because other cultures (not typical western ones) are suuuper nice, caring and loving to spouses. At a time I really was wanting for just that and therefore dated out of my own culture.

[@SPIRITWILDCHILD28]

Yet another spot on video. Because of you, I feel seen for the first time in my life. This sounds a little like my story but I didn't have the grades to go anywhere in life except to rescue dogs. Might be because my mother let my puppies freeze to death out in the garage on Christmas. I now live in Panama with an avoidant narcissistic husband. I have 14 rescue dogs so I can't afford to live alone. I am deep into your book which along with the work is helping me more than I can say. I am joining your online group on Christmas Eve as a gift to myself, and next year I look forward to your group based on the book. Such appreciation for you and your work.

[@renecurry9978]

Controlling and narcissistic partners who will feel betrayed even if you make a phone call to your mother. Oh my goodness, that’s exactly how my stepmother was! My father could not call his own mother, and he was not to pay any attention to me growing up. So many think highly of her and have no idea how volatile controlling and mean she is behind closed doors.

[@itsnemosoul8398]

I'm the child of a narcissistic parent too and struggle with this. When you said the thing about the parent treating the dog like they treat us my mind was blown because I always thought I was spoiled as a kid and my parent had an issue with treating dogs well because of his upbringing. However, the dogs were fed, taken care of, never kicked out, medical bills were paid for them, they were pet and given treats and then SUDDENLY they were screamed at or kicked or threatened. These sudden unpredictable outbursts really are representative of how I felt treated. I couldn*t complain about the 0,1% of mistreatment when 99,9% was good.

[@craignankervis483]

Thank you Anna, this has been my main issue and is so crippling! I am so lucky though as I have been married to a lovely person for 36 years! However there is always a thirst to find that true "love" It is so strong because of trauma and childhood neglect that my marriage has been threatened on two occasions! The last one after a repressed memory surfaced last year! This Limerence has me thinking 24/7 about this person! It is so strong and pervasive! Just thought I'd share this!

[@Theveganlaowai]

That’s heartbreaking for your partner :( I’m sure you feel guilt and shame for having thoughts like that as well causing you pain too. I hope you work through that soon ♥️

[@skbnvacaville]

“A lovely person“~ what I would give for that! BE HAPPY SO HAPPY with what you have been blessed with! ❤❤❤

[@craignankervis483]

@skbnvacaville So interesting to get comments from people who obviously have not experienced childhood trama!

[@craignankervis483]

@@Theveganlaowai I think your comment is not very well thought out! You obviously don't have any idea of what childhood trauma does to a person! It would be more constructive to not pass judgement at all on how anyone feels!

[@brokeheartwolf3733]

Problem is when they ARE available….Lol.😂😂🤔🤙🏽🌴 Thanks once again for the share.❤

[@NikkiEdmunds]

I think that we are so very unable to remain on a platonic level with others. I don’t think it’s wrong for a man or woman to have a very Gtrat friend who is there for us, someone we can truly talk to about things we can’t talk to our partner about. The thing that messes it up is when there’s sexual tension/attraction/attachment involved. This lady’s childhood issues really did wreck havoc on her, which is the main reason why she’s in the situation with her boss. We crave love. We jump into relationships without talking time to get to know the other person. Damaging. This lady didn’t feel the fiery passion towards her current husband, which served as a guide in letting her know that she made the right choice to marry him. I can safely say that if some guy has the effect on me where there’s all that fiery passion, it’s best for me to run like hell. It’s never worked out for me. My experience isn’t someone else’s though.

[@lisathomas5719]

TYSM for covering this issue. So relevant to me, and I am sure many. Long time fan of yours.

[@monongahelacats]

Maybe this is part of the reason why scammers are so successful with taking money away from ladies. These ladies must have had some trauma from their pasts.

[@TheLove1Makes]

Thanks for sharing

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@MissyQ12345]

I’m here, being ignored by my family who can’t love me.

[@pattyroberts1555]

🤗🥰

[@dougcoleman8972]

Same it's hard pill to swallow. I'm 40 and this realization of toxic dynamic is new found. I hear you. You aren't alone. Sending love

[@janet8418]

Similar here. When possible, make good friends to fill the void. Do your best with family but know when to distant.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

I hear you….the key is healthy relationships of all kinds outside of family of origin

[@TrollBaby14]

Sometimes we’re the first or the only to see the dysfunction so they inevitably gather amongst themselves and push us away, ignore us, but as painful as it is, it’s kept me safe from their physical adult fights in a family who thinks if you call police to stop the abuse you’re a traitor. In these dynamics it’s best to be on our own and find our own safe connections. I know it isn’t the answer that feels good but I have a damaged right index finger that will now be deformed and painful for the rest of my life because in a drug fueled rage as a full adult thanks to the constant enabling of my parents, my brother attacked me and twisted my finger all the way back which ripped the tendon. Why? Because I found my other little brother unconscious on the drive way of our house because the older one punched him because he embarrassed him in front of other ppl. I took my brother inside the house and hid him in my mom’s room because the other psychotic one was looking for him to hit him again. When I wouldn’t let him in the room and locked it from the inside he threw me against the wall with his forearm on my neck while trying to defend myself my step dad holds my hands down drops me on the floor and allows for my drugged brother to jump on me and continue to hit me. I called the police and my parents told them nothing was wrong and I was just “arguing” with my brother. My mom told me if I came out of the room she would throw me out of the house and I were to forget I had a mother. My point is, it’s best to get out and stay out and away before we end up in literal pieces because they will have no fear in their chest to do it again and again and again…not always the same way but they will destroy you or your life. Not until something drastic happens. The devils rejection is our Lords protection.

[@BoostedPastime]

Thank you Ana, you are a blessing!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@kristensmagicalcreations]

I just bought your book! I can't wait to read it. I've been having a hard time finding your biography. Is there somewhere I can find it? Thank you! Also... your workbooks.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You can learn more about Anna here: crappychildhoodfairy.com/about/ :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@pearl7317]

I'm in a similar situation. I'm 23 and he'd 28 and got engaged few months ago and he's my supervisor. I'm trying to find another job but I keep getting rejected or ghosted. He's just so kind and open but I'm trying so hard to keep my professional distance. He's just the type of guy I want in my life. Empathetic, kind, sweet and gentle. So opposite of my parents and my ex who were narcissists.

[@pearl7317]

This video was really helpful. I will stop daydreaming about him. I don't know what kind of woman he's with but I don't want to cause her any harm.

[@carayoung7634]

Just a thought. Could we unknowingly be choosing a married man due to our inherited belief we don't deserve love or we think we not worthy of it so pick emotionally unavailable men. Just run to one's we know can't give us their all.

[@carayoung7634]

I'm looking back at my life. I pick males that only give me sex I got to be honest about it. Can't lie to myself. Most ran off with another woman. Yes even while they knew he was dating me. I didn't know about the other female till later. Some strangers told me what was going on. That hurt like hell. Felt like everyone I knew didn't care about me. I got rid of everyon I knew. I only kept people who were honest to me around. I also pick males that choose to be with others and do 0 with me. I not left my home in 2 yrs. I can go to local garage during the day. If uncle comes and takes me I go get messages. Partner just keeps saying if u want something I bring it in. Stated I want us to go together yet don't happen. He says it's my fault. No this suits him me not being with him ever. At the dancing he stand me at a pillar and go off with his friends I was left standing myself all night. I hated it I was pregnant. Felt like I be better off no on this planet. Ended up taking an overdose after my son was born. For 25yrs on n off we hooked up (relationship) no change me in house him out with mates. I get told his story's of excitement fun humour great people best mates. We have 2 kids 25yr old and an 11yr old. I'm 47 he's 46. I'm a people pleaser always providing. Leaving me feeling used. Get constant criticism (Gordon ramsay style man) which he feels is him lifting me up. It makes me feel horrendously awful especially since sex and that is what I'm only receiving from him I want a partner n father for my kids. From 2pm till around 10 I expect him to be out my home daily. He has always done that since day1 Time hes here if not watching TV doing housework or watching TV he's talking at me about his time out

[@insanelysane8296]

Yea, he seems great. Who doesn't want a man who rather confides in a coworker, has deep conversations with her and connectes to his coworkers emotionally. And let's not forget complain about his wife. Be real girl, it'll be you next, should you go for this guy. Movies tried to teach us, that something like this story exists. It doesn't. It's just an excuse to validate the cheating of terrible men.

[@jackhasnomaster]

omg! I came to another country after someone because of this! 😰😱 (Narcissistic mother too)

[@ireefree2024]

Heal your wounds. Nobody, especially not a knight in shining amor will appear and save you. You can only save yourself. And married guys have already been absolute no gos for me. She's too desperate for love that she fells for breadcrumbs. That's not a healthy relationship either. I understand that's difficult to know true love if you haven't experienced it before but that's not the right path also don't neglect your child and repeat the same mistakes.

[@MareaRayneOleander]

I also feel like that way you speak of ASD and ADHD is more like personality types rather than the disabilities they actually are. You're kind of ignoring the inherent challenges that exist for disabled people.

[@Channel89988]

one guy said he wants me to live with him and he was very interested and then he just unfriended me. It really hurt me

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

IMO Judith needs to be with herself for a while to find herself...

[@pearlosibu]

Any relative of Ian Runkle (of the Bailey)?

[@ethanmiller5487]

No. Your childrens whole world is crashing down around them because of things outside their control. They don't understand what is happening. How can they? The two people that, no matter the culture, are expected to be a unified force for you as a person is breaking apart. It doesn't matter how old your children are. The fact that their parents are having problems is a problem for them personally!!!

[@wisdoom4900]

Grest he is dishonest❤. She will be used no gain thanks

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

IMO she needs to end this friendship,Leave this career, and find herself even if it means filing for unemployment and or public assistance....

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Maybe some good volunteer work for Judith??

[@shell1951]

These people have lots of excuses for not behaving...

[@gee_emm]

Dear God! This is all so familiar! Oy vey. May the work, be ever in progress…