Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style

[@lilytea3]

0:00: 👶 Individuals with a preoccupied attachment style may have difficulty navigating relationships and seek constant validation. 3:11: 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Busy parents unintentionally cultivate a preoccupied child due to their own needs and erratic behavior. 6:22: 🔑 Attachment style influences both intimate relationships and career choices, with anxious preoccupied individuals seeking validation and avoiding conflict. 9:21: 🧩 Developing independence and a sense of self is important for individuals who are anxious-preoccupied. 12:35: 💆 Deep breathing is a good coping mechanism to calm down anxious parents in front of their kids. Recap by Tammy AI

[@jmfs3497]

My mom left when I was four. My dad was funny and present all they way up to her leaving, and then he changed. My dad remarried when I was 6. The new step mom was like Mommy Dearest and always screaming. I usually spend time by myself unless it is work/hobby. I find people to be difficult and selfish. Dating rips my heart out though. I think I fall for whomever comes at me with enough assertion, but then if they pull back at all I feel very upset and like I'm being toyed with.

[@AkshayGangurde-f9t]

Similar situation I went through with a girl.

[@petanobre2753]

They made a video about fearful attachment, I think you’d find it insightful! Wishing you well, stranger :)

[@yeshlo3766]

Betrayal trauma, trauma bonding are good threads to pull on. Also there is an excellent book called: COMPLEX PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. By Pete Walker.

[@BloomingRecklessly]

I was just with an avoidant and got very anxious- but so many of the traits of the attachment style do not apply to me. I don’t need reassurance all the time. I love to be alone. But I do keep trying with people that cross boundaries because I have empathy for their attachment style and issues.

[@kkb892]

Love this comment. When things ended between me and an avoidant I met all the signs of being anxious preoccupied but now I retook the test and I’m more secure. It was that situation that was triggering me. It’s good to know because it highlights my weak areas but yeah. Sometimes we just get triggered.

[@thecurrentmoment]

You're right, just because you want to be close to someone and feel anxious doesn't mean you are anxiously attached The thing is that anxiously preoccupied people basically ONLY have that response. I think of it as trying to create closeness or distance (I.e. using others to soothe or soothing yourself) are two tools you can use, and the insecurely attached people only have one tool available to them. And in any relationship, one person will need more distance/closeness than the other, and the other person will respond with the appropriate tool, so you get secure people being more clingy than normal or even avoidant attached people being clingy! (If the other person so much distance that it triggers that in the avoidant partner)

[@rahilra8209]

😊

[@warrior100girl]

Same

[@terryrustad1800]

Fantastic Content! ... Dr Judy is not only Extraordinarily Beautiful but Incredibly Insightful, Knowledgeable and Wise. Gratitude & Appreciation.... Mahalo 💫

[@wolverinexo6417]

Fuck. This is why my love life is horribly distressing.

[@fittalesanbeto6341]

I can't wait for the fearful avoidant episode

[@MikiGirl1]

I absolutely love this video! I definitely identify with the Anxious Preoccupied Attachment style. I'm not too far out of a 37 year marriage and the first couple of years were almost unbearable. I'm starting to get out and do things by myself and learning how to be more self-sufficient. Since I love music, I'm also starting to learn how to play the guitar which I've always wanted to do but was always preoccupied with everyone elses needs.

[@hotashellscenes]

im dating one now. couple of questions: 1. what is that triggers you and how do you feel and act on it? 2. once someone distances you, are you trying to pull back harder? 3. what is that takes you to fall in love? constant reassurance or push and pull?

[@craigmerkey8518]

I greatly appreciate all the valuable information!!! This style sits several of my older family members. Seeing the behavior I associate in a much younger person is confusing!

[@hunnieluv9325]

Thank you for this ❤ very helpful as I do my inner work! 😊

[@hbg5942]

we want more interviews with dr judy please

[@christinevandenberg8]

I went off by myself after my dad passed, and my sister killed herself over his 11:53 I got in the car and drove, went without a cell phone for 6 months. I spent my whole life at the age of 52 try I ng to get my narcissistic mother to seek her approval. Needless to say, she and her two daughters mi b us one now stoled everything he left me. She made it very clear she didn't like me because I was my fathers daughter. Her daughter just happened to be an accountant. I just signed up to finish my he BA and Maters in the mental health field. I b was actually scouted by Harvard with a full paid scholarship after I became a Phi Theta Kappa. I chose to take care if my family and went to I NOVA Southern University. I have the life experience now to really dive deep. The movie Mommie Dearest, many years ago, I because the main character, the co b trolling mother, was exactly that way to me w I thought sounding like a poor me victim but the daughters name was named Christine. Same as mine. The 11:53 11:53 movie came on ironically not too long ago, and u was able to watch it. I am living b g c that you can heal, stop seeking approval, and that I am a badass to have survived. I never brought my tramictic life experiences to my friends so as to not stress them out. Sometimes, we must get to cwho we truly are by experiencing every human emotion and then some. Not everyone had a safe place during lockdown. We don't always really know what's going on behind closed doors. Just because we had the house in the so-called "right"zip code. The important thing is to recognize no matter what class, color, or belief system should be taken sincerely involving mental health. Immediate mental health needs to be taken more seriously than ever before. Thank you for bringing out these important factors in understanding what is going on with themselves. Mental health knows no boundaries. ❤

[@terryrustad1800]

Truly Profound life challenges and insights Christine. Thanks for sharing your experiences and victories. Sending up - lifting healing vibes your direction .... Blessings 💫

[@usersss100]

i did an attachment style quiz. anxious came up tops followed by secure. I can relate to the scores. At work, im pretty secure and dont seek any validation from others because my performance shows. with social/familial relationships, im fine too, not needy. I can do things alone like having my meals, shopping etc. however with romantic relationships, i do feel needy but not to the extent of demanding full attention. its a weird feeling...

[@jrwheeler81]

I'm an anxious who has been dating an avoidant for the past almost 2 years. I get super anxious if he goes more than a couple of hours without texting me during the week when we're not together due to work, even though he ALWAYS consistently texts me and stops by to see me every morning on the way to work and every afternoon after work, and we are together every single weekend for the entirety of the weekend as well as holidays. I need almost constant physical and emotional affection when we're together on the weekends. He, on the other hand, avoids displaying any emotion whatsoever and almost seems terrified of love and emotional intimacy. He went through a very tumultuous divorce and I'm a widow who was in a very emotionally abusive and miserable marriage, so we both have our baggage. We have a very strong bond and we're also best friends, but he is obviously very fearful and avoidant when I am the polar opposite.

[@gmp6859]

Great advice Dr. Judy! Thank you

[@studiosandi]

What a great conversation to listen in on. Thank you for sharing.

[@neelamdasan4147]

Thank you so much. very useful information.

[@JoshCraycroft]

I'm so happy you asked about borderline. I'm a borderline, and I feel like I fall more anxious than avoident. I never knew if I was going to be hugged or hit. I seem to be attracted to women who are avoident dismisive or completely shut down. And found that at one point was anxious needy because of my partners avoident style.

[@Shortkonner]

Thank you for sharing this particular video guys❤

[@JuliaSamways]

I am anxious attachment and I don't actually agree that we don't like being alone, I love my own space and recharge time as I am highly sensitive and need time away from people to re-energise. However when I am with my partner I do want lots of affection and affirmations of love, I also don't like waiting hours for a reply to a text as that can trigger abandonment. I also wouldn't have to spend time with friends, Infact I can be quite flaky as I am a bit of an introvert and often agree to something in the moment and then when he comes to it I then regret saying I would go. I do have all the other aspects of anxious attachment though, so maybe it's on a continuum and would depend on where on the line you are? I am definitely leaning towards being more securely attached since doing the work.

[@honeyvitagliano3227]

Everyone is definitely on a sliding scale. I took the attachment style assessment online and it gives you a breakdown of how much of each attachment styles we have, we are normally predominantly one but we have parts of the others too. ( Trauma Solutions Diane Poole Heller ) So it totally makes sense that you’re not 100% in the one attachment style that resonates with you

[@Ancaja123]

@@honeyvitagliano3227 I am the same. I am anxious/preoccupied, but I've always valued alone time more than almost anything in my life. I have a lot of hobbies and projects that I am always working on, to a point that I don't know when to stop, and will not want to see people because I'm having so much fun on my own. I also really, really enjoy eating, shopping, or getting a drink alone. Those are times when I really feel "me". However, I do feel highly sensitive to criticism from a partner, I always put others needs before mine, and I also really, really get feelings of love from verbal admiration (not of looks really). Like, when a partner compliments things I've done, or in general accomplishments, congratulates me, says they're proud...those things light me up. So some of it matches but some of it doesn't. I am really kind and generous, I value my partners so much, but often I'm finding them too clingy, that they need to have more to focus on by themselves, and often I feel relationships move too fast - and boundaries get crossed and then I feel anxious and in over my head.

[@tuma0000]

Thanks for sharing❤

[@pattiiman989]

Fantastic video!!!

[@JoseHernandez-up2lx]

This video is gold.

[@Godlywoman88]

I used to be sooo anxious about doing thinhs alone, and now it doesn't bother me as much, if at all. Ive dine alot of things alone. However, I still got "Anxious Preoccupied" when I took two attachment quizzes.

[@jimbo2487-1]

Interesting discussion, didn't mention how you can two parents with different styles. I always wanted more attention from my dad whilst my mum was a very do your own thing, you're perfect approach which had different effects on me. I have a baby now and it's obviously to see how different she reacts to me and my partner who both have different approaches

[@Emm325]

Kyle has got the uber intellectual “mhmm” down pat…😂

[@ToyotaGuy1971]

It kinda goes with the territory; you know?🤷‍♂️

[@yeshlo3766]

Right…. Mhmm

[@flyleelee5351]

It's very therapist lol

[@user-gn5mh2uu5x]

That "ho" says unaccurate things. Im anxious preocupied a leader im ok to put my needs first and totally fine to do solo activities. I did couple tests and it confirmed im thT profile

[@ddddddd5425]

if this isn't astrology, how does this half describe my behavior perfectly, and half is like the exact opposite of me. I clearly have an anxious attachment style, but i have an incredible sense of self, never put anyone on a pedestal, i'm outside doing things alone all day long. i work alone.

[@CherrysJubileeJoyfully]

Finally an attachment style that sounds like me.... nevermind still anxious avoidant lol

[@meganfisette9163]

I would describe my dating and etc. behaviors in my younger years (before and during the years I was married to my now ex-husband) as part of an anxious preoccupied attachment style. And I would say part of how I got drawn in and trapped in that abusive relationship was my (at the time) anxious preoccupied attachment style. I would agree with what was said in this video that regarding that. In my opinion, during my separation and divorce I was able to move out of an anxious attachment style. I say that because I was having casual sex with other men (but I chose to leave them all). I didn’t want any of them to be my boyfriend. Despite this, I definitely know (from my younger years) what an anxious preoccupied attachment style feels like. I am on my own these days (since fall 2020) And I’m not dating/am not involved with anyone and (so far) I feel like I am in a much better place/headspace in general. And I am also in a better headspace for deciding what kind of qualities I am looking for in a future partner. I also appreciate that this video talks about having hobbies at home. I had at least one therapist (years and years ago) recommend hobbies at home but for my mild generalized anxiety. I have picked up craft hobbies at home again recently. I highly recommend them.

[@izabelazielak8963]

…why should puzzle be specially suitable for therapy?

[@agoodgurl2k]

I totally get this, hobbies at home, so I bought a farm! 😀

[@jordanthomson8675]

Interesting, watching your avoidance series it sounds like anxious preoccupied is not me except maybe as a baby however I am a lot more dismissive avoidance with issues communicating and a little fearful avoidance

[@cleaninggirl-2000]

Hmmmm I can definitely do anything alone but I am anxious attached . But I did get into a relationship with an avoidant and was very anxious and gave up my needs for them .

[@kkb892]

They are our kryptonite lol. You may actually be secure in many areas but avoidant trigger you. We just have to learn to avoid them before we get too deep

[@bredouglas1519]

I wasn’t clingy with my mother but I’m super anxious attached in my relationship. My mother was the same with my dad.

[@therapist.ShreyaSarkar]

All these videos are extremely useful however the membership is extremely costly specially for people living in India.

[@taj____]

Exactly

[@Shreenjan07]

Have you ever read the book "Attached" Try to read that once Will change how you think ❤

[@kaebigemz2177]

Anxious preoccupied + avoidant relationship is hell Anxious preoccupied + narcissist relationship is HELL Anxious preoccupied + secure is Boring I am trying to work soooo hard on becoming secure but I feel that at my age now being Anxious preoccupied is part of my programming. 😢

[@oscarmeza113]

The way she’s approached this is assuming that only woman have this attachment. I hate how much I love my girl. I get all my happiness and worth based off our relationship. All other achievements just contribute to the relationship

[@ellerose7854]

What?? When did she say only women have it

[@tensecondbuickgn]

I lack emotional permanence but have never felt bad being alone.

[@annruth7213]

Why are there so many ads. It really disrupts the process.

[@shellbellhealing]

What about people who were secure babies but then experienced major trauma. I now resonate with parts of all 4 😂

[@postbyte1]

I was diagnosed with this attachment style. In the beginning of the video, doesn't explain who I am at all. I'm not violent. I'm not a serial dater, since I've been married more than half of my life. Yet I took a test that said I was anxious preoccupied. Explain.

[@FoodNerds]

Yeah, this was me as a baby. I was told I was like this.

[@Dsiegel7]

I feel like I don’t fit into one of these categories. I have a little bits of all of them and some of them she doesn’t even mention life what happens when you are a child of sexual abuse?

[@jessd956]

You may have disorganized attachment aka Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style.

[@JEEPBABYB]

Hmmmmmm im not sure that i formed my attachment at BIRTH … i feel it happened between the ages of 6 to 11 where i was severely abused by a step parent and i feel that was the point where i Was not safe…my mom dodnt protect me so i have developed an anxiety disorder and signs of cotsd w the addiction of a 14 yr abusive marriage

[@surf3rcyan.]

I took the 5 minute quiz, and this is the result but I don’t identify with this attachment style.

[@Tinchabella]

Are Dr Judy and Kyle in different seasons?

[@MrXrisd01]

Damn, I got some work to do on myself.

[@krissiep2486]

This was off. I have an anxious attachment style and that is not how I feel at all. I think she may be more dismissive so am anxious style is exaggerated in her mind

[@blacksand6368]

My Doctors don’t want to see me. They go on vacation or are out of the office. …I’m not taking the medication they want me on. I don’t want to be lobotomized. Life has a strange way of working things out. I’m fine but their perception of me is, … beyond me.

[@tinygingervitus]

Does playing video games by yourself have the same effect as doing a hobby by yourself or going to eat by yourself?

[@neillrogers3604]

Video games are still a hobby. Everything in moderation. 🙂

[@ProDigit80]

Doesn't describe me. Nor my upbringing. I don't know why they said I'm anxious preoccupied.

[@rajeshnvijo-dj7dk]

Oooh dam my internet is slow 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

[@dipankarmallick5543]

you tube has had some famous famous couple with the utmost soul talk...they be happy utmost...closer to truth like here one 😂😂😂

[@groawning1345]

So we are born with our styles and not as a blank sheet @medcircle?

[@Amber24426]

Attachment style almost always is a result of our environment, though each of us are born with a certain temperament, which can also influence the kind of attachment style we end up developing. For example, some babies will naturally have a more sensitive temperament than other babies. A sensitive baby and a less sensitive baby could be raised in the same environment but might develop different attachment styles due to how their temperament interacts with their environment.

[@I_m_robbie]

70k views, nearly 2k likes. Definitley some anxious preoccupied viewers 😂 ✋ Guilty

[@gowtham7231]

You don't know about the pain we feel in our hearts when we are alone. Sitting alone in a coffee shop makes it worse. I can't just sit alone and watch couples who hold hands, find solace in each other. It is impossible.

[@hotashellscenes]

I am dating one like person described in video now: what is that makes your triggered? what is that happens after you are triggered? do you distance or try to push harder?

[@hotashellscenes]

i am dating like the persond escribed in video, what is that triggers you? and how is that you react? you push harder to be loved? are you trying to get reassurance more?

[@hotashellscenes]

what is that makes you fall in love? when partner pulls away, you feel guilty and want it back?

[@gowtham7231]

@@hotashellscenes We distance ourselves as a way to express our pain and to make you understand how much we're hurting. It's similar to a child locking themselves in their room to show their parents they're upset. However, we can't stay distant for too long; we often end up apologizing within a day if you don't reach out to us. We might overlook warning signs in our relationships because we prefer dealing with toxic people who care about us rather than facing loneliness.

[@gowtham7231]

@@hotashellscenes As we are craving for the love and warmth, even a slight gesture of love & affection will make us fall in love with you. And yes when the person we love pulls away, we will assume that we are the one who's wrong and apologize a lot to get back your love and warmth.

[@Buster-im5so]

Live workshops

[@michaelpham195]

I only made it here cause i failed at my 4 year relationship

[@clavate]

Shoot. I think my toddler has this style. Might be genetic because Im pretty sure this is my style, unfortunately. I want to help my toddler change this!

[@stevenarps5600]

This is me .....

[@luckgjjkk2997]

So there's no hope for AP no matter how hard you work.

[@wonder7798]

Well that's me. Shoot

[@navjot89]

Or…. I have ADHD. And anxious attachment style lol

[@karmasutra4774]

Okay I went to a sit down restaurant by myself and everybody was asking me where was my husband and why was I alone.. people do care and do comment

[@madampisces2.0]

People? Plural?

[@glorioskey]

Speakers really need to takes public speaking courses. Certain sounds are like a loud sharp saw cutting metal.

[@abescii]

this shit is worse than cancer bruh

[@nicholasschroeder3678]

This guy sounds more like a cynical movie reviewer than a shrink😏

[@neilbuerdsell]

I was like that from 6 to 11 i would cry and then sneek out of my house just to go out and fi d my mom it started right after my grandmother died but I was closest with my grandmother more than I've ever been closer with anybody