APT-How to Build Baby's Brain: The case against CIO (crying it out)

Judy Arnall, non-punitive parenting expert, discusses the biology and brain science supporting not leaving babies to cry it out while sleep training.
Judy Arnall, BA, CCFE, DTM is a certified childhood brain development expert, keynote speaker and master of non-punitive parenting and education practices. She is the bestselling author of:
Discipline Without Distress
Parenting With Patience
Unschooling to University
Attachment Parenting Tips Raising Toddlers To Teens
www.judyarnall... www.professiona... www.attachmentp...
#peacefulparenting #attachmentparenting

[@pandabearmadness6263]

I'm a new dad and my wife and I were looking into sleep training but the more I read about it just seems cruel. I'm suppose to allow my baby to cry herself to sleep, I tried yelling at the top of lungs and 30 seconds of doing it my brain was hurting my throat was sore. Having a baby cry for 5 mins straight, the baby turning red being alone in the dark that is really messed up. Why put your baby through that.

[@JudyArnall]

Yes, babies can't self-regulate so we need to help soothe them. They will get there eventually but not until ages 4 and above - much later than people realize.

[@rachelhodge4098]

Cry it out is so against nature and harms the mental development of children. So much anxiety and attachment issues caused by this cruel method. It’s all about selfishness of the parents. Period! I’ve had three children and they’ve never cried alone to comfort themselves. They’re healthy, confident, emotionally stable children. Every friend I have that does cry it out their children aren’t happy and have lots of problems like anxiety and anger as they get older.

[@JudyArnall]

Responding to the child's needs will never spoil the child.

[@theiceandsnow3998]

It is against it. No mother would let her child cry at night in a freaking cave for all the predators to come and attack. When the child stops crying eventually maybe it is a protective mechanism to keep it safe from harm? Just a thought.

[@emilyrl.]

I think it's already done untold and as yet undiscovered harm to millions of children. Someone should do a study on that.

[@JudyArnall]

Crying it out is an ACE-Adverse Childhood Experience, but if it was the only one, children will probably be fine. When it is lumped together with 2 or more ACES such as spanking, then brain architecture could be affected and the child's future ability to self-regulate.

[@OCDSims24]

I have Autism and believe this method harmed me in a different ways because of that. I've been looking for research on CIO and Autism.

[@Maggie-zb7gx]

Thanks for helping me not feel crazy for following instincts. My family is a fan of the cry it out method. My mom thought we learned from it when we were 6 months old. I have no clue why my sister is doing it now with my nephew.

[@JudyArnall]

Myths in parenting stay alive and passed down through the generations, but hopefully science will help people consider best practices!

[@tuber00009]

Don't let a baby cry it out. My parents did it to me and i believe my emotional processing has been damaged irrecoverablly by this...as that guy says: "if they are crying go check it out"

[@JudyArnall]

Response is always needed. Crying is how children communicate.

[@votecurtistheguineapigforp9603]

Yes, I do feel like she is pretty well balanced. I am a mom, and I anticipated every thing possible to feed the needs! I had a beautiful experience with my son who is a 7 year old big kid now! I yeah, see parent is a NOUN and VERB!!!

[@JudyArnall]

True.

[@halleyh1710]

YES YES YES. Well said

[@JudyArnall]

Thanks

[@motherhoodempowerment7012]

It’s simply unnatural and counterintuitive to let a baby cry. Cry it out is a thing bc both parents are working and struggling to raise kids at the same time. When the mother is present and available, esp at a super newborn age, these cry it out techniques are unnecessary

[@JudyArnall]

Agree. Leaving a baby to cry raises Cortisol levels unnecessarily.

[@Brendamirandaa]

Finally someone said this! I understand that not everyone has the same privilege, but when the mom is 100% available, which is the case of countries where you can have a great maternity leave, babies do not give that much trouble. From the 2nd month on, they start understanding the signals of sleep time, they become attached in a way that if you comfort them for about 10 minutes that’s enough for them to relax.

[@JudyArnall]

@@Brendamirandaa And in countries where the parent is not 100% available, they wear their babies during the day which helps create closeness and attachment.

[@Joyfulminimalist]

What if your child is 13 months and doesn’t sleep through the night very well co sleeping anymore? I decided to gentle sleep train my daughter by this point where I had her cry no more than 30 minutes the first night and then gradually each night until night 4, she cried less and less

[@JudyArnall]

Try to minimize crying because when it is not supported, it increases the level of cortisol and that can damage neuron connections in the brain. 30 minutes is a lot of crying. Parenting is hard, especially when children are young, but supporting your child is an investment in her future health and intelligence.

[@theiceandsnow3998]

30 minutes of crying doesn't seem gentle to me.

[@Joyfulminimalist]

@@theiceandsnow3998 she only cried 1 night for 30 minutes , then I got her. The next night-15 minutes. The next- 5 minutes. By night 4 she slept through the night and has since, aside from sick days. I’m so glad I did it. WHY would I have continued months and months of poor sleep when I knew as her mama that she was ready to sleep on her own? We are all high sleep needs and light sleepers!

[@votecurtistheguineapigforp9603]

I want to add: you can't give what you don't have and hope moms know that just takin time for yourself is GOOD please don't feel guilty! Make a day and be the you that you were before baby every now and again!! Love to all the kick ass super moms out there holdin it down and together!! :)♡

[@JudyArnall]

So true! Thanks.

[@CO-ze8kp]

She says "that nurture comes out in wanting to RESCUE them or find out what's wrong". Under 6 months "i'm going to find out what's going on". This assumes there's something going on or something's "wrong". If they are fed, changed, burped, and they are crying, they just want you to soothe them rather than learning to calm down on their own. I've been told by multiple pediatricians and caregivers that it's important for them to learn this skill little by little. At 3-6 months they understand the cause and effect of "crying --> pick me up and soothe me to sleep". So what's WRONG may be that they have no ability to calm down themselves because they see crying as the solution because they are immediately picked up.

[@JudyArnall]

Many medical professionals may not be up to date on the latest brain research. Babies do not have emotional regulation skills until they reach school-age. They need an adult to help them calm down. Babies DO NOT have manipulative thinking skills. Those are upper brain abilities that develop again, in the school age years. Cause and effect thinking begins to develop around age 2-3 and consequences are understood from ages 5 and up. There is a LOT of misinformation out there.

[@GOL_D]

Read indeginius tribe studies. Those children are raised very differently and they were healthier happier, fought less, were kinder and just more well rounded equiped adults. Infact. ANY time Western culture went to natives is shown to be BAD. Such as diet and teeth, they were near perfect and was rare when someone got a cavity untill they introduced our food then they got chronic illness bone loss diabetes cancer, which they were free of before. I could go on.

[@vintagefiasco2271]

@@GOL_D is that a book, where can I find info? This is the second time I've seen this so I'm suppose to look into it i guess.

[@mylink.orb17]

@@JudyArnall thank you! So tired of the misinformation!

[@didipop7731]

When you are crying or upset, do you not seek comfort from your loved ones? Even as adults we often struggle with self soothing. Yet we expect a 6 month old baby to grasp it fully? Contradictory research aside what you’ve written just goes against pure common sense. It’s a baby, not a programmable robot.