Are They Avoidant, Breadcrumbing Or Just Not Interested? 4 Ways to Know!

[@instagamrr]

Amazing video - one of your best ones I think! I think a lot of people in comments seem to be dealing with avoidants who aren’t really interested, but since we know about attachment we rationalize or excuse the behavior. Looking at my avoidant I’ve been on and off again with, this video makes it crystal clear when he was breadcrumbing vs actually interested. Thank you!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Happy you really liked this one! ❤

[@flagirl0315]

I disagree. Bc most come on strong and continue in a relationship while giving crumbs of their time once you get closer out of fear but don’t leave either. It has little to do with interest at that point or they’d leave. They just have a pattern of pursuing people and backing off when it gets close or becomes real. These people are better left alone and as friends or a casual situation. Even my most recent one did this in his marriage to the point his wife cheated and he knew it was his fault for pushing her away. They don’t have the capacity to be in a deep intimate relationship. Anyone accepting this really has some self work to do as well as to why they settle for so little. Usually self worth stuff. They truly are just emotionally unavailable

[@flagirl0315]

And off and on is always the biggest 🚩 . First sign of a toxic relationship. I’d read attached if you haven’t. Very eye opening book

[@ChauniB]

Although Avoidants eventually breadcrumb in a relationship. They say they’re committed but words don’t align with their actions. This is where things become confusing! I’m FA when triggered as I’m learning it baffles me that both my DA partner and I need consistency and stability but it’s denied - Breadcrumbs!

[@SangheiliSpecOp]

​@@ChauniB I have the problem of words and actions not aligning too...

[@howtosober]

This is so clarifying. What it says to me is instead of sitting around figuring out if the person is avoidant, breadcrumbing, or just not interested, stop wasting your time on them because either way it's not worth it. Cut them loose, heal your own attachment system, then partner with someone secure!

[@0Demiyah0]

Breadcrumbing: 1) Lots of inconsistency - won't make a lot of plans, won't initiate a lot of contact. You won't see them regularly. DA's who are interested do make this effort. 2) Last Minute Plans - they might commit too, but they almost never will initiate. DA's won't plan things in detail, but they will make plans to see you. If they are breadcrumbing, you won't see action, only perhaps on the day of almost like a last resort. 3) Won't Call Back or Acknowledge They Haven't Called Back. If DA's are interested in the relationship, they will call or acknowledge it. If you are being breadcrumbed, they won't even bother. 4) They May Text When It's Too Late - they'll go missing and come back with you too late for anything to be initiated. If DA's are interested they will get back and be there. Reflecting on this, when I met my DA it was always apparent he was into me: 1) consistency in contact 2) initiative to make plans 3) willingness to talk misunderstandings through 4) making me a priority 5) introducing me to family/friends 6) willing to spend multiple days in a row with me, like going on a two week holiday. However, once we got into the anxious-avoidant trap about a year later, he was breadcrumbing me. I was getting increasingly frustrated and upset with this. I solved this and reignited the spark by: - leaning back in the relationship, and giving him 80-90% of the initiative. If that meant we didn't talk for 10 days, I accepted that. I created a gap for him to connect with his curiosity about me and experience missing me. - connecting with my joy; I corrected for my preoccupation by forcing myself to become self-focused. I would go out with friends, do sports, make art, visit museums, see a movie, make super tasty dinners for myself, go for a massage, take a jog in nature etc. to fill my cup and pour into myself so I am brimming over. Because I would be so active, I always had something fun to share. I noticed I was becoming very attractive in the eyes of the DA. - positively reaffirming the behavior I like. By leaning back, I could show genuine warmth and joy at him taking initiative. - no talking about the relationship for at least 30 days. To dysrupt the drama-cycle, I bit my tongue for 30 days. Just focusing on creating that relaxation and comfort where we'd feel excited about each other again. - Not accepting last minute plans, planning over vague unconfirmed plans. Since he was breadcrumbing me only meeting me at inconvenient times, canceling and flaking a lot, I just started to set a couple rules with myself to protect and respect my time. That included I NEVER accepted a last-minute plan, and would instead say "it'd be so lovely to see you, but I am already busy. I am available on xyz date, does thar match with you? 😊😊" Or: "I didn't hear back from you if our plans were confirmed, so I made plans with somebody else. I am available xyz, can you let me know if this works? It would feel so good if you could set a time and place for us. Look forward to it ❤". My DA caught on really fast that if he wanted to see me AT ALL, he had to become heaps more proactive. The best part? It didn't require me creating a conflict to discuss it. I never had to be "that girl" who talks about what is "wrong" about him. I just readjusted my behavior so he had no choice if he liked me. Within those 30 days he stopped breadcrumbing me and we were enjoying our time together again :). It helped me to learn proper self-soothing and reconnecting with what I love about myself. It helped him to receive unproblematized space and to feel comfortable and safe around that. It helped me to feel secure in the relationship by seeing his increased effort and interest. It was really a win-win situation. Since this time, as a rule, he gets 80-90% of the initiative. Now he feels so comfortable, relaxed, accepted and into me, he calls me on his breaks at work for a quick chat. He always acknowledges me. He makes time to see me 1-4 times a week, depending how busy the week is. He is much more vulnerable and supportive when I feel vulnerable. He's started to lean Secure in the relationship. Had he NOT stepped up, then this breadcrumbing would've had more to do with a lack of interest than feelings minus fears. In that scenario, I recommend breaking up.

[@dianadelgadopineda2892]

I just want to tell you thank you for sharing this experience with others on this platform. I am in the exact same situation as you were but in long distance so it’s even more frustrating. I feel such a sense of relief from your comment bc I feel like I see hope and opportunity with how you handled it and I want to do the same. I’ve started the journey to self soothing and healing so I know I’m on the right path after reading your comment. Thank you again for how you helped me.

[@FM-zg5hz]

Thank you for this. I’m going to try this and see if it helps. I’m 100% dealing with an avoidant and I can see he’s trying his hardest. He cares a lot, but the arguing has taken a toll on his feelings and he’s deactivating now. I just have to learn how to self soothe more and stop pointing out what’s wrong. His fears took over and now he wants space. In the beginning I was very leaned back and in my feminine energy and he was pursuing me consistently. I needed this reminder.

[@0Demiyah0]

@@FM-zg5hz yes, this strategy of reworking the dynamics actually is rooted in feminine/masculine energy theory! In the period when I was starting to apply this, I followed a lot of content from Sami Wunder. If you are into this framework, she's worth checking out. ❤ I hope it will get better, it's worth trying to lean back and connect with feminine energy to see if that shifts.

[@FM-zg5hz]

@@0Demiyah0 I follow Sami Wunder and The Universe Guru. Thank you :) How are things going with your DA now? Has he complained that you don’t initiate?

[@0Demiyah0]

@@FM-zg5hz Oh I see, I had a hunch you spotted something familiar when you mentioned leaning back and feminine energy haha :) We are doing pretty good! He hasn't complained about my lack of initiative. Only once made a comment he wished I'd become more flexible in planning, because I was quite strict with that "no last minute/everything 48 hours in advance". We've only seemed to get more comfortable with each other, and found a way to move through quite a few obstacles that could've spelled the end. Through that trial of fire, we're able to trust each other more and share more vulnerability. He hasn't deactivated or pulled away once in the past 10 months. So I think we're transitioning into Stability Phase of the relationship. We're able to have better and deeper discussions regarding "us". Albeit he's still hung up on "perfect timing", I've noticed between the lines his mother is encouraging him to take it to the next level and get engaged. He's also sending me engagement clips and baby clips sometimes, and although it could just be a cute or funny thing to share, I feel that he is contemplating a durable committed future.

[@Glamourpux33]

My ex is clearly an avoidant.. tho.. he broke up with me, when I communicated my needs and wanted to spend more time with him. I wasted 5 month of my life. I'm so glad that I kept my pride and never begged him to come back. Honestly, I don't want him back anymore (at first I did) but I'm still curious if he'll reach out to me at one point (indirect or direct). Nice video! I'm so glad that he never breadcrumbed me. Sounds horrible.

[@Anetekonjo]

Sounds familiar

[@flagirl0315]

3 here and same. He said he’s wanted the same things as me and could meet those needs when I told him I needed someone who has the time, toward the end it was like I was begging for a call or a crumb of his time. That was it for me and I walked away. It hurts and I have my moments too, but in the end he didn’t leave me much choice. I want more

[@seanryan3020]

I wasted 3 years of my life on breadcrumbers! After I got into recovery, I radically changed my approach to dating, which led to a much better relationship, now 20 years of marriage.

[@blindneutrality4840]

The waiting until the last minute thing to commit to a plan really strikes a chord with me. I never knew how to describe it but when my DA-ex and I first started talking that's how she was. Then she fell in love and that went away. Then as soon as the chemicals started to wear off she started doing it again and we broke up shortly after by completely blindsiding me. She's this way with her friends too. It's super lame. I don't know how to describe WHY it's lame though or if I'm just too judgmental. She would say she wouldn't want to commit to plans which friends were inviting her to a week or weeks in advance in case she wouldn't feel like doing it or would rather do something else. So she would wait until a day or two before the plan to commit. I thought that was really lame personally. On the one hand, yeah what's wrong with wanting to do something else or not being interested? For me its about leaving the door open to something more fun when people who care about you are trying to spend time with you and you're basically not saying "I don't care about you enough to commit to spending time with you." Basically sure I'll do that with you but only if I don't come up with something else I'd rather do first. I wish I could find a word of phrase to succinctly explain why I think that's a shitty character trait.

[@Bch60482]

This happened to me a lot too. We were long distance so making plans was vital. He asked me to come visit and then when I went to follow up he told me, “I’m shelving the idea until I’m ready to discuss it.” This went on for four or five months. He finally told me to buy the ticket and then two days before I was to fly he told me his health issue was flaring up and we needed to postpone for 3 weeks. I finally got to go and spend time but then when I asked, “when can I see you again?” He replied “I don’t know” even though we had discussed other options prior to me coming. It was heartbreaking.

[@blindneutrality4840]

@@sunbeam9222 Thanks for sharing your thoughts and giving me some more perspective on this! I wonder if my ex is aware of this behavior or just thinks she is completely normal.

[@blindneutrality4840]

@@Bch60482 That's some real BS. I'm so sorry you went through that Brian. I'm not sure where you're at emotionally with it, but looking at it from the outside it's crazy how obvious a problem can be that you'll completely ignore when you love somebody.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Committed people plan in advance. There is consistency. Words and actions are aligned.

[@Bch60482]

@@blindneutrality4840 I replied but it didn’t post.

[@lanfearuk]

This is an excellent video. Cuts through a lot of the grey when it comes to DAs, and trying to work out what’s their normal Vs unacceptable.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Glad you liked it :)

[@Mississippian]

Please feel free to add to the list. They say YES to things, even if its not an enthusiastic yes. They consistently show up and keep promises. They want to stick around and be together. They want to share their world and like taking up space in yours. They remember all the little things that make up your life. They try to give you what you ask for. They support you by making things easy, comfortable, fun, simple and holding space for what is important to you. They acknowledge and show gratitude towards all you do for them.

[@PaigeSquared]

For breadcrumbing, what if you see them every week, but they aren't present? Follows schedule, but doesn't seem to want to be here.

[@Mississippian]

@@PaigeSquared I don't have an answer for your question, but if you don't like the way things are, there is no reason to stick around. In the end, we should be in a relationship that makes us happy, not one we settled for out of understanding for our partner's fears.

[@KVG822]

Is this avoidant or what is it?

[@Mississippian]

@@KVG822 these are ways in which avoidants show up and care for their partners.

[@lizwes7438]

Hey! Just wanted to chime in about the inconsistency thing- it also might be a trait of adhd. I know quite a few people with it who literally live in the spur of the moment (myself included lol) but it doesn't mean to me that I just see you as someone to string along. Also with that being said, I usually over compensate for it and smother the people I feel attraction towards because I know I'm deficient in my attention.

[@CB19087]

I'm drawn to avoidant people. The last person was definitely breadcrumbing, initially love bombing and then slowly withdrawing. Doing exactly was you said- making plans but disappearing until it was too late to follow through. I didn't put up with it long. Next person, no love bombing, absent for weeks but genuinely interested. I'm fairly anxiously attached, so it's actually been a very healing experience having to just let someone have space. I put in 50% effort, then wait, and wait... they're away for a year in any case, so I'm just using this as a way of healing. When they come back and if we do date, i will know what I absolutely need and also be able to accommodate they're need for space. But that's a big compromise and will only sacrifice that as long as the space is negotiated/communicated. Not having people just disappear.

[@suzanne2680]

Thais - you’re the best. One thing I’ve realized in terms of finding that “middle ground” from a previous video with an FA (I’m slightly AP) is framing things in terms of also AP’s - ie my own personal shortcomings and blindspots and that I plan to continue working on them - before I try to explain why his behavior affects me in certain ways. It has really helped and speaks to your theory about understanding and explaining his behavior in a compassionate, rational way. Thank you so much - your teachings have been invaluable.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@lastshanty]

Thank you so so much Thais. I'm genuinely grateful you made a video about this, because so much became clear to me. I (FA) had an AP romantic interest promise to meet a week later, when I asked if we could meet. And then tell me after she left that she had done so because of some issues on her end. Months of confusion feel really clear now. I also worked on some of my unworthiness core wounds and see that I deserve better treatment

[@juliegalea7720]

Omg the breadcrumbing bit is exactly what I've been getting

[@healinggirldiaries]

This is such a great video I needed this !

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

So happy this was helpful for you ❤

[@meeraraj0]

Just experienced this with a person who did hot n cold, always reached out but closer we got the distant he became. Though he always messages first when I reply he's so cold I'm left puzzled. If we speak I will not hear from him for days. When message so distant and end conversation. I told him I'm losing confidence speaking and not sure why he keeps in touch if he does not like speaking. He answers and calls to speak but if I give input he gets very angry. I'm also a bit avoidant but I make effort and I tried sooo hard here. He's such a sweet good person. It's not relationship a friendship actually I don't know I don't want to be like this anymore. Each time I say something he changes settings. Now I'm on vanish mode. I try not to take it personally or be hurt. I wonder what happened to him to be like this because he's so nice in many ways. I pray he will become aware.

[@meeraraj0]

​@@sunbeam9222 possibly I'm only learning these things about DA and FA. Is there hope

[@meeraraj0]

​​​​​​​@@sunbeam9222ank you! Well done on your healing to become secure. How did you begin and to aware. So we can be a mix of everything. From your description I think he is DA, very slow with signs of being steady. When I say hot n cold it's not the hot you experience from narcissistic kind love bombing. He was showing friendliness and I had to read in between lines, because very very cool. But he was steadily there opening up, verrryyy slowly. Im used to narcissist so it nade me anxious. I have abandonement triggers. After step forward he would not contact me for few days. I wondered about narcissistic but he did not lovebomb and he has compassion. When he get angry he's still has compassion. Over weekend I became anxious and he engaged with me instead of shutting off and showed remarkable compassion. I gained so much respect for him. When he did not "abandon" me in that moment something in me relaxed and I exhaled. I see alot of DA in me but I am now also more secure. If we become aware I will not cause unnecessary breakdowns. I'm trying very hard. There were little things like he messages and then goes off when I snswr instead of engaging me he be very short. It triggered me eventually I said that to him. He took it badly. He said he's busy. I have to take his word for it. I truly wish for my friend to get better if hes DA. He's a good human being I want him to live his fullest life.

[@meeraraj0]

​​​@@sunbeam9222 you described my life. I was bullied by elder sister my whole life. Nobody protected me. I relate as you described I went totally silent. I also say people get very angry just because I'm breathing. sharing people couldn't believe that I have gone through this. So dear I understand how it makes you shut down. I also have a deep abandoned wound and when it's triggered I get abandoned more which makes it more intense. There are times my mother deeply abandoned me. As child she'd pick my sisters from boarding school and say to me she's taking her two daughters and not me and leave me crying. Great you did not let that trauma abuse pull you . You have pulled yourself up

[@Wealth_through_Health22]

Just leave, not worth it

[@meeraraj0]

@@sunbeam9222 I read some of your comments on this channel and you seem to be doing really well. You always had the awareness and I'm told that awareness saves us. I noticed my DA/ FA blocked me even after we spoke nicely to each other. There was actually no fight or anything I just asked if we are not speaking. Big mistake. Thankfully I'm not hurt. Do they ever come back. Always thought he was a sincere friend.

[@robertoflores4546]

Some of those things were hard to hear. But it's the truth

[@heikoschulte8280]

So my ex went from avoidant (while together) to breadcrumbs (post breakup) to not interested (right now) xD rip that relationship, I still love her so much

[@heikoschulte8280]

Well... thanks for your comment. I mean she 100% still loved me post breakup. And the reason for breakup was probably these expectations she thought I had. Then my anxious side triggered and I hurt her alot. We handled things really badly. And without being able to talk to her it's really hard to straighten things up Maybe she is able to forgive herself and my actions during the next few months Will text her after a few more months have passed

[@heikoschulte8280]

@@sunbeam9222 stay strong, good luck as well. You being on relationship youtube means that you care :) effort shall be rewarded

[@trollhunter3944]

Move on for yourself.

[@500skubes]

Thank you for this video. Turns out I was breadcrumbed by someone who had no business being in a relationship due to current hardships she was experiencing. It was a lousy place to be, and glad that I ultimately stepped away from it.

[@ew1258]

Why breadcrumb someone for an extended period of time? Months/years. What would they gain from it???

[@GodfatherSkeez]

Damn I needed this a year ago lol

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤

[@sehven7th1]

Fabulous video, I would agree one of your best! I'm a member of PDS 😁 I still love watching these. What if I didn't set up my non-negotiable items in the beginning? I feel a little inauthentic when I now go back amd say my needs.

[@CharlieSunshine-kw6wo]

Great video… I have been dating a guy on and off for a few years. I think he is DA and I am FA. It feels healthier this time but I still find it confusing… We have been consistently meeting once a week and when we are together he is present/ there is some closeness/ can have a nice time together. However, the only times we talk during the week is to arrange when we meet. I asked if he thought about me and he said that he misses me and thinks of messaging but doesn’t. Sometimes he has taken a day to respond to my message, when I mentioned this he said he just forgets or thinks that he will be seeing me the next day. Whilst there is a closeness in the form of cuddling/eye contact etc, the conversations we have are often surface level. In these moments I feel disconnected to him and feel that he isn’t interested in truly getting to know me. Also doesn’t express how he is feeling/ doesn’t appear want to know my feelings/hear me share in a vulnerable way. He may just go quiet or change the subject. Also v challenging as I feel he doesn’t care. Then he may ask me what my parents may think of him or about going on a trip together etc… which makes it more confusing and I question whether he is just saying it keep me sweet and doesn’t really want that. He also doesn’t work and smokes a lot of weed, which is possibly another way to distance himself with his feelings. Ugh! Lots of love there and I see his potential but also doubting whether this is the healing/self-loving route for me. Possibly just reinforcing the old wounds of feeling not good enough,unsupported, alone etc. i try to my best to be compassionate and show up the best I can but he hasn’t said anything to suggest he wants to change etc and maybe he is happy as he is. I think in my naivety/arrogance I thought the love I offered may inspire him. Maybe it is time to let it go and give that energy to myself instead

[@alexblainelayter7703]

You didn't ask for advice so I'm offering an observation. It seems like you're investing in potential, not the person as he is, right in front of you. That person doesn't work, numbs through substances, and still only manages to see you once a week.

[@EyeOfTheTiger777]

You're saying lots of love but the way you describe being with this person sounds horrible... Just what do you love about him? Is he good looking at least? Do you have any sex at all? Didn't mention that... Is he just meeting you for sex once a week?

[@alisayar_]

Thank you so much for making this video! I was so confused regarding a DA guy i’m dating and it made it clear that I need to let him go, and that it’s indeed as toxic as I thought (and it doesn’t matter how compassionate and empathetic I tried to be towards him). *I have a fearful avoidant attachment (slowly leaning towards secure) and CPTSD

[@papayeezus]

Man I wish I knew where I stood with someone I had a weird relationship recently. We met on tinder and had a date, went well but never got a follow up date. We hit it off really well and talked all the time. I mentioned wanting to see her more but she didn't want to date. We still hung out as friends but I was still interested in her. We saw each other a lot and talked every day. She eventually invited me to her parent's farm and I stayed for 3 days. She came to my house and had dinner with me and my parents on valentines day, even though she said she had dates from other guys. It confused me so much. She said she didn't wany anything, but we were together so often and she was so open with me. I think she was DA and it just made me being AP even worse. I know she cared for me, but I don't know if she was ever interested in being more than friends with me. It ended up hurting me too much and we don't talk anymore, we both agreed we need time apart. I miss her a lot.

[@GotoMaki4Micah]

that happened to me but i was the girl who didnt want to be tied down. him and i were great friends tho but i made it clear i thought of him as a just a friend. after a while i thought i was leading him on. i didnt want him wasting his time with me if when he could be finding some who would return his feelings. so i said that and back all the way off. there was no good ending.

[@papayeezus]

@@GotoMaki4Micah she said she didn't want to lead me on, but we kept doing things that felt like more than friendship. I just felt so hurt that she was seeing other guys but knew how I felt. It made me feel so unattractive and undesireable.

[@anon13ew903erg]

as that girl - pls know the fact that she kept you as a friend was bc she actually thought better of you than the others guys. FAs only feel safe when there is distance. if a guy is someone you wont take aeriously, there's distance despite any romance. but if it's someone who you do see value in, you fear adding in romance bc the intimacy is too strong. keeping it a friendship brings back some distance. and as for her feelings, dont push. just know it really isnt about you or that there arent feelings there. a lot of us are/were numb to our own feelings bc there's a lot of pain tied to intimacy. you dont have to burden yourself w vilifying her, but dont burden yourself by making it about you being less than. you are worthy, she could see that, but she couldnt allow herself to feel it bc of her own trauma. i hope you find your person soon

[@insiderbe1981]

It must be horrible to be on the receiving end of this…

[@alex941126]

It was. I felt like she wasn't going to answer, just to get a message every week saying "I'm fine, I just don't wanna talk to you right now. Take care".

[@1mangostick]

Its not fun, that's for sure. Learn to recognize it and avoid it. It is absolutely not worth the trouble it will cause you.

[@roshalllambert]

Great job explaining the differences!!

[@meagandekkar6377]

Love the baseline standards- this will really help for the next (if I decide to try again) relationship. Great content!

[@celiau9476]

I just experienced something similar. I had know him since 6th grade and back then had an immensely huge crush on him but we never talked bc he was a grade older and randomly one day I walked into the store he worked as a 21 year old adult and we started talking. The sparks were there and it felt like fate had brought us back together. I have an anxious preoccupied style and it felt like he had a secure style but now I think I was incredibly wrong. At first we were so obsessed with each other. For 2 weeks we went out on so many dates, then by week 3 I noticed a subtle change I started putting in more effort but it felt like the more I put the less he tried. Plans became from him chasing me to see when we would see each other to me trying to nail him down on a time and then by week 4 he had already cancelled on me so many times. But he consistently texted me every day and if I didn’t text him back within a few hours he would double text me subtly like “baby” or “babe”. By week 4 my anxiety really kicked in from him always bailing on plans with me and from my anxiety I was trying to distance myself. I had the conversation with him at least twice in week 4 that I didn’t want to see him anymore because I was so so scared of getting hurt again and that he was just playing me. He has always been so open about his feelings for me but when his actions didn’t match his words I felt like I was being played and it really triggered me based on my past. And every time I tried to stop talking to him he would cling back and reaffirm me that he did like me more than he could express into words which was exactly what he said and that he wanted something serious with me. But honestly by the end of week 4 the inconsistency really got to me and I couldn’t handle it anymore so I sent him one last text saying that I was sorry but I didn’t want to continue seeing each other and that I just wasn’t ready for a relationship. And his response was unlike any response he’s ever given me it was very cold because he was like “wow that’s whack but I can’t force you”. And I just left it at that I blocked him on social media for my own sanity and deleted his number but didn’t block him. I just don’t understand what happened, and what the truth was anymore. He was inconsistent and breadcrumbing but consistently texting me and trying to reaffirm his feelings for me. And when I would have the conversation with him about how I wanted to spent time together he would say he understood and seem like he was taking action but then fall back again.

[@julesD0222]

Any update?

[@PattyVilla-j7t]

Very helpful and insightful. Puts it into simple and clear terms. Right on!!!

[@alirh1145]

thank you Tais this is so helpful

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're welcome! ❤

[@sally5256]

Incredibly helpful. The distinctions so helpful! Thank you 🙏 ❤

[@HH-pj5bl]

Yet another great video, thank you thais love you❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Glad you liked it! ❤

[@davidc.parkins1680]

Great video! ❤😊

[@sjgrall]

This is very helpful, thank you!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Happy to hear it Stephen ❤

[@ContrarianExpatriate]

The verbal fry in your voice is aggravating!

[@elainem5703]

I completely agree

[@Marauder-kd8zi]

Mine was never considerate of my time always on there time it really messes with you mentally

[@Gbb93]

What if this person is an ex?

[@ginaramirez2571]

Does the course help me identify and correct what is "allowing" unacceptable behavior (i.e. breadcrumbing) Or, does it help you determine what the acceptable "standards" should be?

[@stellafraser8351]

Good advice👍

[@BeeBeeisDaTruCupcakeFace]

Great video. But most of these traits are just breadcrumbing period. ANY shade of it, is not a match for me.

[@melisaacord3430]

Why is he with me? I don’t understand? He’s so obviously not interested in me. It’s been a year we’ve supposedly been in a committed relationship. Why is he wasting my time?

[@sheliasmith2884]

Thank you so much

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You're welcome Shiela ❤

[@worldwidechubbyguy2.018]

I feel like Thais does not make that much videos with APs compared to DAs or FAs

[@nahomelion]

Yeah but her school PDS has equal amounts

[@worldwidechubbyguy2.018]

@@nahomelion yeah but how can you convince more people to join if you only put up videos for DAs and FAs most of the time

[@ashton1952]

​@@worldwidechubbyguy2.018 just asking for more free AP videos 😉 tnx

[@nightsideoveden]

I agree, I think PDS sort of has a slight avoidant bias. There are a lot of AP type videos but you have to search for them and lot of them are older videos.

[@gogohappygirl]

Probably because the majority of her audience is likely AA or FA dating a DA or FA, but I agree the school has things more equally laid out.

[@SD-rm5ty]

If I even get a whif of breadcrumbing I'm out. 😂☠️

[@resueah7257]

What's your attachment style?

[@chocoboss8942]

How would this play out in an Avoidant pre-dating? I get mixed signals or probably breadcrumbs that someone is interested in me, but every time I feel we are getting closer, then I do not hear from them for a week or 2 until they reach out again. There are times there is obvious flirting, but then sometimes she'd randomly put me down subtlety out of nowhere, saying comments such as "you're bad at relationships" or "you're too picky" or "you're not that strong." Luckily, I am not that sensitive and think it's kinda funny but I also just wanna make sense out of it? Do DA's ever say they aren't interested but actually are?

[@MultiDancing1]

Dude. It irked me reading that someone said those things to you. You may not be sensitive, but I am: & I don't like that someone who's supposed to care about you spoke to you in a derogatory manner. I hereby submit my vote that you consider finding someone who speaks to you with respect, so you can enjoy a mutually fulfilling, healthy & thriving connection. (Just as an aside I want to note that, as a woman, I would NEVER DREAM of telling a man he is not that strong---I can hardly imagine a more obnoxious thing to say. Even if it crossed my mind in my private thoughts, it would certainly never cross my lips!) #jussayin

[@ileanaprofeanu7626]

A long while ago, I interacted with someone who was all three 😆 it was very short lived

[@salvomig2368]

Quick question to the PDS community. If you feel they are breadcrumbing you, and you have had the conversation with them, but they still haven’t changed. Do you ghost them or tell them you’re done with them?

[@chrismcevoy2503]

I would be the one in a long-distance relationship with someone.

[@nahomelion]

@@sunbeam9222 aw I’m so sorry to hear that. You can definitely heal that and remove all the pain.

[@paulinahil8563]

The problem is, someone can be avoidant and also a shitty person yaall. Im FA, more into avoidant and my ex was DA and you know what? He was ALSO a jerk for me and other people. Im very avoidant but objectively im a kind person to others and I value others time and respect them. My ex was kind when he wanted my attention and tried manipulate me. Someone can be both, you better be careful guys. Im usually very scared of closeness and rejection and my feelings, but after all I treat someone how I want to be treated so you better try think: why yhe hell im going through this for something like that? Im not even happy. Why im soo masochistic towards myself? Im not worthy of love and intimacy? Btw im in therapy already, 2 years so I can recommend that because it also helps. And remember something, we people are complex but in general FA like me or DA like my ex, we can hide it for a looong time:) so i would suggest dont let your guard down, at least for the first 3-4 months. Take care

[@primerdimers]

Can we have a video on shyness please? ❤

[@flagirl0315]

Either one isn’t good anyway so what does it matter

[@elainem5703]

Great video but the voice is hard to listen to.

[@cassiaanne4727]

So this is interesting, I see that I could unintentionally be "bread crumbing" in ways. It's not because I'm not interested in a person, I'm struggling in life physically after looses to fires. I need community to overcome this. I built a school and it burnt as soon as I opened the doors, so obviously I care about giving to community too. It sucks not having anything or anyone to turn to. If I miss a call or don't show up, it's usually a medical issue in the way and cuz I have to fully pack my car before leaving anywhere (couch surfing life). How can I show up and not display "bread crumbing patterns"? Especially in a time in life I really am trying and needing community. Hummmm

[@jennyw9656]

It feels so shitty that it doesn’t matter why they do it

[@danielhernandez-fo3mj]

I hate the term breadcrumbing as someone with adovednt personalty disorder traits with fearful avodent attachment style ..... this is so easy to be told I'm breadcrubming and it'd just not true as you said there are exceptions but even the things you tall about peole like me expecully when they have an autoimmune illness like multiple sclerosis these things are common to commit to something then back out add avodent personalty triats and avodent attachemt style with bpd we do this often and it's not a breadcrumb action sometimes its fear and fatigue... and even more so they back out last min to prevent there illness form downing the experience..... we need to realize breadcrumbing is not real it become a thing when peole got tied of people making excusie (when really its not an excuse) and feeling rejected or hurt ..... and though the feelings are valid ot disent make the other person bad or evil or using ect so when we came out with the term breadcrumbing we have allowed peole to live In there grandiose belief that there time is so valuable that when peole don't commit they are not interested and really they just might not feel comfortable or safe yet for someone with my disorder and illnesses it can take a long time to even feel safe enough to reach out to make plans so when someone else makes plans we try to jump on top of it till we realize that we're not ready for it or too sick to deal with it at that time which then therefore we have to not do it it doesn't mean we're abusing you doesn't mean we're using you it doesn't mean we're breadcrumbing you it doesn't mean that we're just trying to make you not see us as bad so that we're just not going to tell you we don't want to go we're trying to play you I'm so over breadcrumbing and I'm so over insecure people acting like breadcrumbing is a real thing and we need to get rid of it because some of us just have issues and aren't really breadcrumbing you and if you actually waited a year 2 years tried harder than we can we might actually hang out with you and get connected now everyone's like oh you're breadcrumbing you're abusive so now you're just going to be dismissed all along because you don't know how to treat real people in your just abusive get rid of breadcrumbing and does not a real thing

[@JustMeAndMyBoy]

“I hope this makes sense” … no, sorry it does not! You say you will differentiate between being avoidant, interested, or breadcrumbing. Instead, you have lumped them all together! With all due respect because I do like you and I have watched many many of your videos… But I have found that too often the video does not reflect the title or intro, and that perhaps you are just trying to sell your courses. Just saying.

[@marryjane1684]

Child stop watching these videos and move on 😂😂🤣😂🤣

[@Mars-]

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[@amarchelk]

Please articulate your words so I can hear the whole thing. Your voice trails off at the end of your sentences and the words sound jumbled together. My hearing is very good and the sound is good so that's not the problem. You are hard to understand and I really would love to hear what you have to say.

[@shanawilson9767]

Most of her audience doesn't seem to have a problem understanding her so try turning on your subtitles.

[@nahomelion]

You’re the only person I’ve heard say this and I’ve watching all her vids for more than a year. Maybe it’s on your end?

[@amarchelk]

@@nahomelion My hearing is very good and the sound is good. Her words trail off and sound guttural at the end of the sentences sometimes. I find myself really having to strain to understand her words when she does that. I'm sorry to even feel the need to say something but honestly, good articulation of words is so important. We are taught that in debate class and in singing class.

[@amarchelk]

@@shanawilson9767 I can't read the subtitles when I have earphones in. I listen while I'm working.

[@resueah7257]

Man, I could only ever hope to be as articulate and fluid in speaking as Thais.. I'm doomed!

[@mdmcpherson8574]

Yeah no, breadcrumbing isn’t acceptable for me anymore

[@sherriflemming3218]

You can try to teach someone how to treat you. Communicate your standards. It doesn't always work if they refuse to cooperate or aren't interested in changing and meeting your needs.. No more cat and mouse. Game over.

[@chrisx1197]

Breadcrumbing 😂😂😂😂

[@meagandekkar6377]

Found out he had live-in girlfriend so I’m guessing that he’s breadcrumbing

[@faithing88]

Why do you sound like a robot why you doung to your voice

[@pinalina6650]

Thank you, this is so helpful!