THIS Is Why the Avoidant Breadcrumbs & What You Can Do Immediately to Stop It

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Have you ever experienced breadcrumbing in a current or past relationship? What was your experience like? ❤

[@Ahicksaf]

Then after the break up: my ex was contacting me after the discard asking for favors during a 4 month period of no contact. Sometimes she did it for random reasons like "oh can u contact this person for me ? or i saw u watching this on tiktok video? to which i replied casually. One day she called to get her car back from me ( long story), of course its her right and i gave it back to her. But i was frustrated of her previous breadcrumbs, so I set a boundary, i calmly told her that she was contacting me for random reasons sometimes and i didn't know what she wanted. I told her to only contact me if she needed to talk about the relationship that she discarded and nothinge else. she got very angry and told me that her contacting me meant nothing and that I was overthinking. i told her regarldess please respect this boundary, she accepted but she was upset and claimed that I am still hurt. Her reaction was unexpected and it felt I Gave her attention more than she deserves. does this count as breaking no contact after 4 month of silence? As a result it now feels like i lost her forever, cz now she's also doing no contact. What if I was setting a boundary but broke no contact by accident? maybe i showed that i still care ? have i made a mistake ?😂

[@Ahicksaf]

my ex was contacting me after the discard asking for favors during a 4 month period of no contact. Sometimes she did it for random reasons like "oh can u contact this person for me ? or i saw u watching this on tiktok video? to which i replied casually. One day she called to get her car back from me ( long story), of course its her right and i gave it back to her. But i was frustrated of her previous breadcrumbs, so I set a boundary, i calmly told her that she was contacting me for random reasons sometimes and i didn't know what she wanted. I told her to only contact me if she needed to talk about the relationship that she discarded and nothinge else. she got very angry and told me that her contacting me meant nothing and that I was overthinking. i told her regarldess please respect this boundary, she accepted but she was upset and claimed that I am still hurt. Her reaction was unexpected and it felt I Gave her attention more than she deserves. does this count as breaking no contact after 4 month of silence? As a result it now feels like i lost her forever, cz now she's also doing no contact. What if I was setting a boundary but broke no contact by accident? maybe i showed that i still care ? have i made a mistake ?

[@Ahicksaf]

Long story short, She discarded me. We had a strong connection and I loved her deeply. After the breakup, she started asking how I was doing? it seems she wamted to make sure I was doing well. after the total abondonment of our bond, I replied casually and then she went cold again. I was in a 4 month no contact, during that period she kept contacting me again, this time its for favors, "oh can u call this person for me. its urgent" , i didn't reply. She blocked me then unblocked me, then she contacted me bcz apparently I have been watching a tiktok video that she shared. and she started to make jokes bcz the name of my profile was funny. Then she became serious and got upset because i didn't reply to her request, "i would appreciated if u replied" I told her I was busy. Then finally she contacts me she was coming to visit my country ( yes she lives abroad ) and wanted her car back which lent during the relationship, which is of course her right. but then later on she called me and asked me if i can deliver the car to her friend. During that conversation i finally lost emotional control and I telling her that she spent the last 4 month sending riddles and i just didn't know what is her purpose? I told her once we settle our car problem, to stop contacting me unless she needed to talk about the relationship.

[@Ahicksaf]

After the breakup, she started asking how I was doing? it seems she wanted to make sure I was doing well, I replied casually and then she went cold again, then she did it again which was okay. I was in a 4 month no contact, during that period she kept contacting me again, this time its for favors , i didn't reply to her request cz it wa rude. She blocked me then unblocked me, then she contacted me bcz apparently I have been watching a tiktok video that she shared. and she started to make jokes bcz the name of my profile was funny. Then she became serious and got upset because i didn't reply to her request, I told her I was busy. Then finally she contacts me when she was coming to visit my country ( yes she lives abroad ) and wanted her car back which she lent to me during the relationship, which is of course her right. but then later on she called me and asked me if i can deliver the car to her friend. During that conversation i finally lost emotional control and find myself telling her that she spent the last 4 month sending riddles and i just didn't know what was her purpose? I told her once we settle our car problem to stop contacting me unless she needed to talk about the relationship. She got really angry, and took the car and left and never contacted me again

[@Ahicksaf]

After the breakup, she started asking how I was doing? it seems she wanted to make sure I was doing well, I replied casually and then she went cold again, then she did it again which was okay. It was during 4 months of no contact, the she started to ask favors to which i didn't reply to her. She blocked me then unblocked me after a week, she contacted me again telling me that I have been watching a tiktok video that she shared. She started to make jokes and banter a bit. Then she became serious and got upset because i didn't reply to her request, I told her I was busy. Then finally she contacts to take her car back which was reasonable. but then later on she called me and asked me if i can deliver the car to her friend. During that conversation i finally lost emotional control and find myself telling her that she spent the last 4 month sending riddles and i just didn't know what was her purpose? I told her to stop stop contacting me unless she needed to talk about the relationship. She got really angry, and took the car and left and never contacted me again. I was trying to set a boundary, I know this may count as breaking no contact.

[@Michelle-qq4sd]

Avoid dating an avoidant. Learn how to be secure yourself. Then find another secure person. Understand how to stop bread coming yourself!

[@nannyboo9832]

Dating an avoidant has been the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. Word of advice… just don’t.

[@adoptioncorner1984]

Yes it is😢

[@lwiliams79]

I’m in a break up with one…..the most horrible thing I have experienced!

[@sheriwl]

Love this! Thank you ❤

[@sheriwl]

I am so so sorry. Best of luck​@@lwiliams79

[@tarjeisellevoll257]

Same

[@markcollins1012]

I gave two decades to an extremely avoidant person. I got better with my anxious attachment and I learned my lesson. Bread crumbing is manipulation and disingenuous. I can have sympathy and compassion for the avoidant, but I want nothing to do with them and have zero desire to connect to them at all anymore. If someone has a partner with no desire to work on themselves, then I would advise anyone else to do the same. You will be neglected by an avoidant who can't work on themselves.

[@Livvy925]

I fear heights. Therefore I AVOID heights. If you fear vulnerabilities in relationships, AVOID relationships.

[@LeeChrissy]

Avoidants can make good partners as long as they are paired with someone who understands and loves them for who they. It's no different with anxious attachments. They need to be with someone who wants and accepts them as is. There's someone for everyone.

[@Livvy925]

@@LeeChrissy It possibly works IF the avoidants understands he/she has this issue and does the "work". Otherwise you are S.O.L.

[@Livvy925]

@@ConstableCinnamon I don't think a lack of vulnerability is about a lack of compatibility. This person LACKS a key ingredient of a RELATIONSHIP. I feel the same way about folks making babies that don't possess empathy. Sex is not for them.

[@Livvy925]

@@ConstableCinnamon Yes, birth control exists but there still are alot of hurt people brought about parents who had NO business having them. I am talking about THIS video. Trying to dance around a person that is afraid to be close to someone. Don't be close. Go home.

[@Livvy925]

@@ConstableCinnamon This is why her video stresses inappropriate behaviors/treatments. Some of these "avoidants" are purposely in relationships they know full well they can't show up for.

[@cobragirl15]

Currently in the aftermath of an avoidant/anxious relationship. Going into the relationship I was secure bc of all the work I have done on myself. I enjoyed going slow and seeing where this would go - he claimed he was super busy and didn't have much time outside of work but we talked every day. After 7 months it came out he hadn't told me about a pregnant woman and baby (at this point the baby was 2 weeks old), from a one night stand that happened before we met. Cue anxious attachment. We tried to work it out but his avoidance made it impossible for repair. So I'm left picking up the pieces. They will ruin you and leave you in their wake of destruction. Run.

[@CoryLutz-d8i]

Oh my god was his name Richard? Run!!!!!!!! 😂😂😂

[@cobragirl15]

@@CoryLutz-d8i 🤣no. But the fact that there are OTHER men out there doing this is atrocious!

[@spmoran4703]

To day is Christmas . And I had magnificent breadcrumbing from him. I deserve better.

[@axhei1738]

To all: This is supposed to be a safe space for everyone to share their comments. This thread seems to have some that are annoyed by the differences of perspective & opinion. I just want to restate that I’m not trying to judge, offend, or criticize anyone. But yes, I am hurting, just like a lot of others are, and I am working on my healing. So I apologize if I said anything “wrong” in your eyes. Lets just all be grateful we found Thais & the PDS. Best wishes to all.

[@SK-no2pp]

If someone acts like your partner but refuses to use titles, it's because they aren't ready for a relationship, want to keep their options open, or aren't sure about you. Titles define a relationship. There's no ambiguity when there's a title, which is why labels scare people who aren't read to commit. Relationships are about actions AND words. When it comes to relationships, actions don't always speak louder than words. One is not more important than the other. The important thing is whether someone's actions align with their words. To avoid using a title, people might say things like let's just take it slow, I want to enjoy what we have, I like things the way they are, I don't want to get hurt, I don't do labels, it's too much pressure, I'm not ready for a relationship yet, the timing isn't right, let's see how things are going in a few months, etc... But when a person is ready to commit, comfortable with intimacy, and sure about you, the way they act will align with the words they speak

[@sercastamere9853]

What's that like.

[@amyandpatlambert3532]

I love all your videos! Married to a DA for 16 years, and recently figured this out. So many wasted years, and life has been extremely painful and lonely. He admits he is DA and has started doing the work. Not sure how this will end, but I need to find the patience to allow him time to do the work. It’s going to take more than 21 days to make consistent changes. Also have wondered Thais, why don’t you ever mention “those of you married to a DA?” I feel the info you provide is usually addressing those dating or in a situationship. Many of us are married to a DA. Why they ever thought they should be married is beyond me. I’m trying not to call it quits but I might because I am beyond frustrated with the breadcrumbing!!!!!

[@dandanut5409]

Here s the secret with avoidants. DAs need to have many of their boundaries brought down and broken while FA need to have boundaries built and lifted up.

[@dandanut5409]

@@ConstableCinnamon how do you respond then to social dynamics like friendly encounters, work colleagues, parties, and crowded places?

[@dandanut5409]

@@ConstableCinnamon how do you function in a friendship dynamics? Doesn't a friendship relationship require opening up? How often do you have get togethers with friends and do you trust them?

[@dandanut5409]

@@ConstableCinnamon gym can be a crowded place sometimes. how do you manage that?

[@dandanut5409]

​@@ConstableCinnamongym and nerdy? How are the two reconciled? Would you say all DAs tend to be nerdy?

[@petrajordanmusic]

Hurt people hurt people. I like how you don’t blame or shame the avoidants but show compassion and understanding for their behavior, while also drawing a clear line how to deal with breadcrumbing. It is up to us to set the standards that avoidants have to live up to. The more of us do it, the more they will have to show up or lose people around them. Pain is a good teacher that always shows up when we’re not committed to treating ourselves and others well.

[@lordkillohendrix-8501]

Thank you I did this exactly took a huge step back because of lack of reciprocity ✅

[@buellerferris]

Here's what you do to stop it, you leave. Stop giving these selfish/inconsiderate people a pass and have some self-respect to not be in relationships with toddlers in adult bodies.

[@LivingBeyondBeauty]

It comes from a place of trauma! Do you not think we should show more compassion & and understanding? Should we not just accept the breadcrumbs. Afterall, better to have crumbs than nothing at all, right?

[@buellerferris]

@@LivingBeyondBeauty Compassion and understanding doesn't mean enabling or that I need to lower my boundaries or lower my standards. Why should I risk getting traumatized after being breadcrumbed, stonewalled, and discarded just because the other person hasn't done the work to heal? You don't think the recepients of this crappy treatments don't have their own traumas to deal with? DAs are the most self-centered people and everything is about them.

[@axhei1738]

Agree with buellerferris 100%!!! I don’t hate my FA ex nor do I think she’s a bad person, but yes, the FA behavior that I remember from when we were together still aggravates me at times. And I can’t help but think what a cowardly way FA’s tend to act. No disrespect to anyone who is FA but at this place that the world is at, especially if they are well into their adult years, I don’t understand how they don’t wake up & try to grow up.

[@mammamonssterr]

@@buellerferris It's the way you talk about it. You can simply say "stop enabling dysfunction in your life" and leave it at that, but the moment you say "they're toddlers in adult bodies" and that they're just selfish and inconsiderate not only you're spreading misinformation and being reductive but you're actively feeding the prejudice most people have about this topic. It's really interesting: the people that know the most about trauma responses (bc they read a lot about them or watch this types of videos) are the one's saying the craziest most offensive things about them, more than people who don't know about the topic.

[@mammamonssterr]

@@ConstableCinnamon I think it's the pain. They're so hurt and angry (righfully so) they don't want to even consider that their ex was just traumatized. It's a complex topic. We need to give grace to people that had abusive relationships with FAs as much as talk about how people with trauma responses are not bad people and they're not acting out of malice or selfishness but pure pain.

[@civulaskolowe5393]

You have a very clear way of explaining these dynamics without putting blame or shame on either side of it. Thumbs up!

[@Temporary3334]

Set the deadline and he didn’t “show up.” I got my answer

[@dandanut5409]

Did the same but it was about something very important for both of us regardless of is anything continued between us. Many spiritual messages that I received about her that had to be checked with her. I'm sorry I had to block her. But keeping to words is also a lesson she needs to learn and I couldn't break my word. She appeared a bit interested to follow up with it but wasn't direct about it, idk perhaps triggered? I kept trying to reasure her before the term, but ended up with her not complying. I asked her about this 1 or 2 weeks before but she kept avoiding it.

[@l0uann3]

Move on. Not worth it

[@nineangels7572]

Seven months of keeping in touch but never meeting (long distance) He disappears for a week at a time. Just leaves a msg or text unanswered then pops back up like nothing happened. We are both over 55. Very frustrating connection.

[@pete69696]

Im in the same boat 52 yr old but she lives 20mins away. Smh.

[@SK-no2pp]

What you permit you promote. He’s comfortable having you as a pen pal, you meet his limited emotional needs. This won’t be a relationship

[@SnowLeopardForever]

Dump him!!! It won’t get better. I have been there. I wasted two years of my life with an Avoidant when I was younger. Biggest mistake of my life.

[@pete69696]

@@SK-no2pp omg. Thats the same word I used with her my bpd/npd ex. PENPAL. Man when I say that to her she gets pissed

[@youtubeaccountserio2633]

They decide when its time to be boyfriend and when not

[@FoulMoodFighter]

Wow!! I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for so long. 🤦🏽‍♂️. Thank you for bringing me into the light and revealing to me my faults so that I can fix myself!! Thank you so much!!🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@beaker7353]

My ex fiance wouldn't answer messages for days. Always on his phone 😢sometimes it was worse if he'd read it and not replied. Im securely attached. But suffered severe anxiety. As i thought id said something wrong in the message 😢

[@UkeBrian]

I met a woman at a gala. I asked for her number and if she'd like to go out. I texted her and she responded the next day. I replied right away and she texted the next day. I tried to set a date with this pattern and she agreed... the next day. The day before the date, i texted her and got no response. Three months later she texted me an said "I found you! I've been so busy." I responded and recieved a text... wait for it... the next day! I finally told her that I'm looking for someone who can give me an answer or two THE SAME DAY! That i needed her to show up a little more, otherwise this isn't going to work out. In the end i feel like that's what she wanted. I wasn't sure how to gauge interest over actually being avoidant in this case, but i was more proud of myself for telling her what i needed even tho nothing happened in the end. This video definitely made me feel validated in this situation. Thanks!

[@youtubeaccountserio2633]

Deffo an avoidant

[@FeliciaStands]

Congratulations this is great 👍🏿 I will use this if there’s a next time I deal with this

[@anitawieman3900]

I love it how you value the core wounds in every attachment style and devote yourself to healing. at the moment I'm recovering from a breadcrumbing relationship with a DA; apart from protecting myself by setting a deadline I didn't have the tools to navigate through the process in a healthy way. thank you very much for your work, a labour of love ❤, next time I will be more equiped; or even better; ready for a relationship with a securely attached man 🥰

[@Seraphina93]

Personal tip -> go off for 2 weeks and please don’t tell them about it Distance = „what do I feel?“

[@carlhouseofoliver345]

Thank you so much for this amazing video!! Just what I needed today when I've been questioning Bread crumbing. So good to see where I affect myself in this by being addicted to the bread crumb fix I get

[@catboxcleaner3532]

Hello, Thais. Thank you for the introduction to this topic. The advice to pull way back is calming for me. To build a cost/benefit analysis of staying sounds beneficial. Take care, all.

[@nannoreul]

Thais, these videos are absolutely invaluable. The guy I’ve been seeing is a dead ringer for DA behaviour. His feelings tend to overflow just a tiny bit every now and again. I’ve been privileged to hear bits and pieces about his childhood, and it’s quite sad and definitely neglectful. Wish me luck on trying to help him move toward healthy emotional behaviour and therapy.

[@beaker7353]

I did in the start of the relationship. I called him and said "can we work on communication? " as my anxiety was getting worse. He said it was my problem to deal with. I ended up apologising for calling him 😢

[@Man-qq7jg]

.....I feel for you.

[@beaker7353]

@@Man-qq7jg thank you. That means a lot. Wish I'd known about attachment styles and breadcrumbing 18 months ago 😪 would have saved my sanity

[@lil-5154]

Been through that!

[@beaker7353]

@@lil-5154 really. What was your experience like? I know it's horrible, but I'm glad other people can truly understand and sympathise

[@derekazyan9942]

@@beaker7353 yeah I did this kind of thing also. Until it got so bad I became another person.

[@gabrieledawson6064]

I'm so grateful for your videos. You've been really educating me on my past relationship and helping me heal my broken heart to move on. You're amazing, thank you for what you do 💓

[@beyourself9162]

Oh I just walk away, because I don’t waste my precious life time with this behavior anymore … avoidant people are traumatized and need urgently trauma-therapy….

[@favourebede6334]

I ghost them no explanation and I think they understand

[@tobeapearl]

Ghosting is not a healthy behavior and an absolutely terrible thing to do to a person. Also not showing any respect for yourself as a person that you can communicate effectively. Definitely not the flex you think it is.

[@favourebede6334]

@@tobeapearl Don't think I need to explain myself - I'm not trying to empower people who ghost. I meant ghosting people who give breadcrumbs, or zombies back and forth.

[@mxx720]

I think I'm being breadcrumbed. The FA I'm trying to date is always responsive and has occasionally been vulnerable to me, but she's canceled on our plans a few times in a row. We've only ever hung out in groups, and she's always so enthusiastic whenever we make solo plans (which is why I've kept trying), but it seems like the reality of actually going out scares her. She's not inconsiderate, but she's unreliable: She lets me know as early as possible and never cancels last minute, but I'm tired of getting my hopes up. I'm still interested, but sick of the constant chase. I'm open to something happening organically, but not expecting anything now.

[@mmohseni69]

Thank you for your explanation well done🙏

[@karenpoirier9352]

Can you discuss limerence? I'm AP and highly prone to limerence and not able to get out

[@Beth1300]

What's AP?

[@youtubeaccountserio2633]

You need meds

[@Seraphina93]

It’s good to communicate needs I did that when he came back the 2/3 time for me basically even if they don’t do it. I’m classy and I wanna state my needs.

[@azarelgonzalez1049]

Thais I have a question. One time I asked the guy in dating if he knew about attachment styles and what his was and he said he was secure. After a few months of dating I’ve come to realize he’s actually a DA. How could I approach the topic of maybe having him watch your videos describing a DA so he can see for himself? Or maybe just a way to bring up the topic so that he can become aware that he’s a DA so we can both be aware of what we need to work on?

[@1999Chelsea]

My ex DA thought he was secure as well They don’t have a lot of self knowledge and don’t really know what needs are and why they are such a big deal

[@shellric4538]

Hmm. Been talking to this guy for over 6 months - as long as I was detached and not invested he was like super consistent, pursued lots but now that I've been more interested - bread crumbs - Do I say something or just walk away as I'm not sure where I stand anymore. I wish people would just be honest. 🤦

[@tobeapearl]

If I told you how long I let someone bread crumb me, you would be astonished. Never again. He woke me up to myself though. Most confusing situation of my life. Still, it makes me sick how long I let it go on.

[@LynnsYouTube]

What's the difference between avoidant attachment style and a more extreme introvert who needs a lot of alone time.

[@Kas33345]

Great vid, question - How does sex in avoidants play into their attachments and relationships? Obviously, that is part of a relationship, can start at the dating stage, and into the long term. But when it is a crutch or self soothing or other dynamics. A video on this would be great.

[@Seraphina93]

Doesn’t at all they’re robots without feels Sex = good, sex = ego U don’t factor in

[@Kas33345]

@@Seraphina93 That is an over simplifcation and sounds very bitter. It does factor in, we all have feelings and sex does connect us on a physical as well as mental, emotional level.

[@1999Chelsea]

I have had 2 DA ex’s that became sexless in the relationship 2 years in Turning to porn or an affair

[@Ghostecy]

@@1999Chelseawhat were their reasons for it?

[@TheWolffamily2022]

​@@1999Chelseasame. I've also noticed during our intimacy he wasn't really trying to please my needs. He didn't communicate with me to see what I liked or if it felt good. It was always the positions he liked and his pleasures. Sex with him is very disconnected.

[@danparry3730]

I just found your videos after my DA ex broke up with me. My question is that she wants us to remain friends, but doesn't want us to hang out one on one. She says that we can revisit the idea of us hanging out one on one in a few months. Any insight on why or what this means?

[@melissa3986]

Are you sure she’s a DA and just not interested?

[@danparry3730]

@@melissa3986 she is. She told me early on in our relationship that she was and is aware of her attachment style. That's why I've been trying to understand DAs. Some of her behavior in our breakup also aligns perfectly with a DA.

[@danparry3730]

@Littleowl85352 Thank you for the insight that is close to what I had predicted. I guess now I have to make a tough decision.

[@danparry3730]

@Littleowl85352 that is the decision I am going to have to make. I don't want to lose her as my friend because we really do have great chemistry and she is one of my closest friends, but I think she and I need to have a talk and try to figure things out or say goodbye.

[@SK-no2pp]

If someone acts like your partner but refuses to use titles, it's because they aren't ready for a relationship, want to keep their options open, or aren't sure about you. Titles define a relationship. There's no ambiguity when there's a title, which is why labels scare people who aren't read to commit. Relationships are about actions AND words. When it comes to relationships, actions don't always speak louder than words. One is not more important than the other. The important thing is whether someone's actions align with their words. To avoid using a title, people might say things like let's just take it slow, I want to enjoy what we have, I like things the way they are, I don't want to get hurt, I don't do labels, it's too much pressure, I'm not ready for a relationship yet, the timing isn't right, let's see how things are going in a few months, etc... But when a person is ready to commit, comfortable with intimacy, and sure about you, the way they act will align with the words they speak

[@louisewilliams9417]

I'm currently being breadcrumbed

[@MaxCharette-r2y]

Same.😢

[@boxcar402]

QUESTION - Me and a female DA roommate had a falling out 1.5 years ago. She stonewalled so we never spoke about it and moved out suddenly. I was unclear if she likes me romantically or not. I contacted her recently as she had mail. She was very receptive and wanted to meet straight away. I wasn't available and she was going away so she said she'd get back to me in a month when she was back in the country. She returned 4 months ago but hasn't been in touch to get her mail. I'm thinking of just phoning her up and asking her on a date as I've liked her for a long time. I'm sure she'll be surprised and not sure what her answer would be. Is calling up a DA asking for a date point blank, too much? Should i ask in a text beforehand for a call as i have something to ask? (Or would that be anxiety inducing for a DA?) I'm not sure how to move forward with this. Many thanks for any help! 🙂

[@sj3969]

I’m not her, nor are all DAs the same, BUT I would be very confused if someone I had a falling out with almost 2 years ago keeps reaching out to me. If her mail mattered that much to her you wouldn’t have to keep reaching out about it. I would be even more confused if you asked me on a date randomly like that. Idk…she might be different

[@cecilang9721]

She isn’t into you and isn’t thinking about you in that way. You have been thinking of her all the time. Doesn’t matter whether she is DA or not. Just not into you.

[@sifublack192]

I wouldn't call at all. If she hasn't reached out she's not into you.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I appreciate you sharing vulnerably! It might be best to reach out by text to remind her about her mail you want to get back to her, then see how it goes from there ❤

[@The_Whimsical_Avoidant]

Personally, I wouldn't reach out at all aside from asking her if she has somewhere to forward her mail or if she just wants you to toss it. Asking for a date is a bit much.

[@SK-no2pp]

How can I get a DA who is bread crumbing me about meeting to actually meet? I think he has fears or is nervous but I can’t talk on the phone endlessly without meeting…. He will bring it up but not follow through

[@purr181]

Idk... I managed to meet someone after 5-6 years chatting and then they became avoidant IRL instead. It's a waste of time to try.

[@SK-no2pp]

@@ConstableCinnamon we live 1 hour away and I can easily drive to him or vice verse yet he’s made no REAL plans to meet

[@debbiesweet]

I am trying to find the link you were talking about in this video . The link about making a list and how to.

[@LETsROCK89]

I might get getting breadcrumbed.. lol only thing is, we have a 2 yo together. So I’m more confused on the situation. Any tips?

[@Mudpuppyjunior]

Not sure how a deadline of a week or even a few weeks can work. If they're healthy and self aware enough that they're capable of change that quick, they probably wouldn't be breadcrumbing in the first place. Seems to me it would take a DA, even one ready and willing to change, much longer to trust enough to stop breadcrumbing. If you feel the person is worth the try and you have the patience, figure on a whole lot longer than a few weeks. If they're not worth the try or you are unwilling to invest in a real try, skip the deadline and just move along.

[@BracaPhoto]

I think it's more of a deadline for yourself - kinda a test to make sure you're not leaving a "fixable" person 😂😂😂 I said fixable 😂

[@LakeVermilionDreams]

I feel like the deadline is for yourself as well. I'm AP attached and my biggest struggle is trying to convince myself that if I hold on to hope for an imagined relationship, I'm going to not allow myself to move on. I say I want to find someone else, I'm going to put myself out there and do all the things one does to meet new people in the real world, but I'm constantly comparing them to her. Is she really that amazing? Or do I have myself fooled? Maybe a deadline will help with that.

[@LakeVermilionDreams]

But I also feel for her and if she needs months to address her fears and if it means she allows herself to trust that I'm in it for a serious relationship, then isn't that my best possible outcome? So which option do I choose? A deadline is making that choice. And for me, I'm thinking it's going to be a few months. If the Fall comes around and she goes back to her teaching job and hasn't spent any of the Summer with me, or if I find someone else in the meantime, I'll have had my answer.

[@peaengangmei2625]

My gf avoid me all the time if ask u love me she say yes ..... Help me out

[@beasmarty]

in the kindest and most loving way possible: these comments...

[@HP-in8pl]

Fed up with the mixed signals, breadcrumbs. It's bull

[@tiffanylindfield9157]

Leave

[@kaydubya6347]

Most of em bread crumb because THEYRE BORING , AND " THE WHOLE LOAF " aint shit😂😂😂 If they gave it all, you'd be interested for a week MAX.. They HAVE TO BREAD-CRUMB YOU ,in order to seem interesting and mysterious 😊

[@Ashiryamills]

😅How do you know this?

[@comments3179]

Or… just don’t date avoidants!!!

[@1999Chelsea]

Lots of times they don’t look like Avoidents or don’t show up as avoidents until you are about 6 months in So easier said than done

[@Seraphina93]

Watch these videos, Become so good at this u use them right back when they use u ??? Profit

[@MattNawrath]

asking for a lot of texts is healthy? Yea your advice is invalidated by that one comment

[@1999Chelsea]

Wow a lot of Avoident bashing in this thread

[@jonasvalero]

In the end, actions bring consequences. With the emotional and communication dysfunction that bring upon to others, they should be aware how the affected will talk shit about avoidants.

[@johnmay242]

president warner is green pony

[@robertstewart6956]

The excessive vocal fry is annoying.

[@firstnamelastname-ve9gj]

She gives good advice about being real but her eyebrows and lips are fake

[@rohithiyyattil]

I'm very sorry, I love your contents in the video, but I just cannot stand the way you talk with the scratchy, hoarse and strained voice while speaking... It seems like you aren't interested in talking at all... I maybe old fashioned to think people must speak clearly and be happy about it...

[@LeeChrissy]

​@@pizzelle2 I know. It's so rude.

[@Ireland2717]

I love your voice and your videos. We all sound different and have no judgement. I am only here for your amazing content and appreciate your help.

[@brianvernon7754]

its called vocal fry: the DA of speech patterns :-) or just a lot of cigarettes