Are You Avoiding This in Therapy?

Dodging questions may be something we have done our whole lives in order to stay safe and okay. This could have been by lying in order to not be abused or mistreated, or even by side stepping questions that could make a parent or friend mad by distracting them with something else.
It’s very normal to dodge questions that are difficult or uncomfortable, it’s like a defense mechanism. And I say all of this so you know it’s not bad that you do this, it’s actually perfectly normal, and part of self preservation. I have patients change the subject, try to ask about me and my life, give me information or share a story that has nothing to do with what we are working on, and overall try to avoid talking about real issues in therapy.
Honestly, overcoming these defenses is a lot of the work that I do every day with my patients. It could be trying to ask a question in a different way, or starting with someone more recent that isn’t as emotionally charged. It could even be taking a step back and building up resources first. It’s really not very common that I have a patient come into my office and be so open and honest and have no issue talking about anything I ask.
But remember that defense mechanisms and self preservation techniques don’t really have a place in therapy because the goal is to push through those as much as we can and open up. Which I know is really really hard, but is really the core of therapy, because our therapist can’t help us or offer helpful tools if they don’t know what’s really going on.
12 Defense Mechanisms
• Do You Know Your 12 DE...
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
#katimorton #therapist #therapy
MY BOOKS (in stores now)
Traumatized geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? bit.ly/2s0mULy
ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: betterhelp.com/kati
Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @katimorton
PATREON www.katimorton.com/kati-morto...
YOU CAN SUPPORT THE CHANNEL BY SHOPPING WITH OUR AFFILIATE LINKS
Instacart: www.instacart.oloiyb.net/y2j2GB
Amazon: www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton
PARTNERSHIP
Linnea Toney [e-mail]
PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[@BrainsApplied]

I'm going to use this on my exam... "Sorry, I'm dodging the question, it's a defense mechanism. Please respect it!"

[@killertruth186]

Lol.

[@cassiecampbell2017]

hahaha imma try that

[@smileonlegs1]

hahaha i shouldn't laugh but this is funny. lol

[@welshkid246]

Absolutely 😊 “I don’t know” is my mantra

[@abbeyc4865]

Same! Or I don't wanna talk abt it! This video and all the tips are awesome!

[@madelynstambaugh6505]

SAME

[@welshkid246]

Or I just sit there and stare at the floor/bite my nails 😂

[@abbeyc4865]

@@welshkid246 yes! Somehow hoping the question will disappear if I stare long enough lol

[@Katimorton]

I hope some of my tips and ideas were helpful.. or your therapist is getting better at getting you to open up :) xoxo

[@_just_TK]

Therapist: “....so why do u think ur marriage wasn’t successful?” Me: “DID U KNOW if you look at a cat’s 🐱toe beans upside down, it looks like a teddy bear?!?” 🧸 Therapist: 🤦‍♀️

[@maddisonanne8919]

Why is this me... i feel you so much

[@75sadiegirl]

haha awww...beans

[@Katimorton]

Haha!!

[@throughrose-colouredeyes6284]

😂😂😂💛

[@marq6929]

Mood! lol

[@kayofoz]

"Are you avoiding this in therapy?" No, I'm just avoiding therapy. XD

[@quazymodo3648]

Yess lol but it's coming up ugh

[@dougn2350]

Best answer yet!

[@moskalmg]

*reads title* *Clicks* *Prepares to get called out*

[@katelynpeters8479]

Anytime I start shutting down in therapy my therapist will either start asking me about my dog or talking about hers and I really appreciate.

[@clammycammy7024]

Katelyn Peters Aw, that’s such a wholesome way to get you back to earth

[@alyssadickinson4450]

me: *tears welling up in my eyes* therapist: why do you think you’re crying? me: I’m not crying therapist: you look like you’re about to cry me: I’m not crying, my eyes are teary but I’m not crying me: *starts crying* 😂😂

[@cyansloth1763]

I'm not crying; my eyes are just allergic to the subject 🤧

[@LL-pu7qr]

@@cyansloth1763 perfect!!! I'm using that from now on. 😅😂🤣

[@lisadonachie5060]

I have hayfever !!! 🙈🙈🙈

[@rachel8216]

Me: walks into therapy Me: starts crying

[@paleobc65]

Omg my therapist 😭

[@TuckerTheReader]

i'm super honest with my therapist. if i'm not comfortable, i just straight up say "I don't want to answer that. Sorry"

[@katiebwheeler]

Me too, I know her well and she knows me well, she pushes me to keep going and keep working but respects when I need to wait on some things.

[@Katimorton]

That's great!! And really helpful for the therapist to know.. so they can try asking it another way or move on to another topic. xoxo

[@eiwagarciabrito495]

I do that. I'm very very honest and always answer everything with honesty but I still feel like we don't get anywhere.....

[@armentablessed7381]

Honesty is probably one of the best qualities I possess. I never want to lie or hold back from my Therapist bc I actually really want the help

[@jaymie-leacollingwood2753]

I told my therapist I wasn’t being honest in therapy and that I was not sharing myself emotionally or verbally at times even though I wanted to. I recognise now that I was shutting down in therapy - side note: it helps to remember that patients don’t always know that they’re withholding or shutting down especially if therapy is a new thing. When I communicated with my therapist, I was trying to alert him that something was wrong and I didn’t know how to fix it. He just turned it back on me and made it my problem rather than something we could work on together.

[@hannahsuda5673]

I needed to hear her voice today. Been crazy.

[@Katimorton]

Awe I am so glad I could be here when you needed me :) xoxo

[@eliselambert5811]

I am SOOO guilty of this. Trying to hide how i'm really doing to my friends and family by deflecting, asking about them and changing the subject etc etc. Anything to have the attention on me. It's something i've been trying to work on for monthsssss. We STAN an honest queeeeen

[@Katimorton]

I hope some of the tips I offered in the video are helpful :) xoxo

[@baconstrips6260]

I am a toxic pos but I am a qweeeeeennnnnnnn.

[@too_tired_for_this]

My therapist is sooooo good at seeing when I’m avoiding an answer, and knowing when to try to push me, and when to leave it alone for now.

[@beckylouise8298]

I always get an A* for subject changing. Sometimes they notice other times I get away with it. But yeah, I'm good at changing the conversation

[@Katimorton]

haha!!! I have some patients that are just like that.. but I hope some of the info and tips on this is helpful for you :) xoxo

[@jocelynruiz-moreno3440]

I hope to be as loving, caring, open-minded as you to help everyone I can when I graduate as a Clinical Psychologist.

[@mouseluva]

My mind goes blank in session when we come to difficult stuff, so I write stuff down out of session (such as my thoughts on what we covered, or stuff that has happened that would be relevant to talk about that I know I'll probably gloss over when she asks how my week has been.) This way I can give her the notebook and it starts the conversation without me having to break through my defence mechanisms straight on

[@kimberley577]

Thanks for sharing this. I thought I was the only one having to write everything because verbal communication is just too difficult.

[@arimckellin1]

That's EXACTLY what I do w my therapist

[@Cinejunkster]

Me too!!

[@jaymie-leacollingwood2753]

I did this. Until my therapist used it superficially and then moved on as of I hadn’t just told him the things I wanted to work on.

[@abbeyc4865]

This is me!!!! I avoid questions and conflict like the plague! 100% because of abuse. Working on this exactly with my therapist! Thanks a million kati!

[@Katimorton]

You are so welcome!!! I am so glad the video was helpful :) xoxo

[@hunnybSue]

My last therapist listened the first time I said leave it. But then she pushed too hard, I said I cant do it. She kept on pushing so I quit therapy.

[@hunnybSue]

@Productive Centaur I guess it is, but I didn't feel supported enough to even begin. All I pictured was being teased and laughed at. Even now years on, I still get very emotional remembering it.

[@JamesLevineAndSons]

let's riff off some mantras: 1) "say it anyway" 2) "say it anyway. me living completely in the present moment is a matter of my choosing. And I choose the here and now" 3) "say it anyway. despite the fears. this hour is for me to get the most vitality from my life" 4) "say it anyway. my only job for this one hour is to look honestly at what would take the most courage, and share that." 5) "say it anyway. I have chosen this treatment because this expert is competent and responsible, and these are skills that my therapist is qualified to teach. All my prerequisites have been met to imply my cooperation and my participation in treatment."

[@kylesimonette9914]

As always, your advice overflows with love and patience. Kati, you are a genuinely good person, through and through! When I notice I'm avoiding a question, I will oftentimes force myself to consciously grimace or nonverbally signal to my therapist that there is more to say, even if I can't say it yet. She always picks up on these cues. 🙂

[@Katimorton]

Awe thank you so so much for the sweet comment :) And I hope the video was helpful!! xoxo

[@mouseluva]

Once to avoid responding to a Cognitive Analytical Therapy diagram on how my perfectionism is destructive, I corrected my therapist's spelling. Strangely, it didn't defuse the conversation for me...

[@sachab6098]

I write notes for therapy!!! 😀 She reads it aloud and asks questions that I then try to answer.

[@jessicamurphy5882]

I love that idea!!

[@tabithajohnson5877]

Alex Baron I do the same

[@75sadiegirl]

I use to be like this, but I am very open with my therapist now. There were times when I would just ask for a pad of paper to write stuff down because I just could not say things out loud. SO thankful I have an amazing therapist.

[@emmarubino6394]

My therapist: How was Job Corps? Me: You don’t want to know My therapist: Yes I do Emma Me: No Erin you don’t My therapist: Emma it’s okay to be upset. Me: Starts bawling hysterically

[@notrachgreen]

Emma Rubino me best friend has been there for a week and she said it’s literally worse than hell.

[@emmarubino6394]

Rachel Chrystene I cried for three days straight

[@caesilver4947]

Okay, I'm ready now to spill the beans on monday, when I'm meeting my therapist again. Thank you, Kati.

[@baja1988_Texas]

So ... what happened?

[@SpellFinder]

With my old therapist she would let me talk about the plots of the shows I watched for the first 5-10mins and then would get into the emotional work. It was easier to talk about tv drama than my own life.

[@killtheego710]

No one: Me:I pulled a can of mock-duck from my backpack once in therapy to avoid a question, lol?

[@ScreamoDeadname]

I feel that.

[@toriprice9380]

I just started therapy yesterday. This is going to be rough but I know it is needed. Your videos have helped me be more comfortable with the idea of therapy. Thank you.

[@Cinejunkster]

How are you doing? ☺️

[@kendrapetranoff4290]

Ironically I watched this right before my therapy appointment yesterday, and I had to share what it was about with my thereapist because I am 100% guility of this. Bringing this up with my therapist kind of led the session. I put myself in the "hot seat" when I brought this up. From that moment on there was no turning back and trying to avoid and dodge the questions weren't working. I'm one that is defintley not good at opeining up it takes me a long time to even begin to open up. It's been almost 2 years seeing my therapist and I have just gotten past the first layer of my wall that protects me, so this video ended up opening a whole new door that I didn't expect to like atlesast trying to talk about some of the more uncomfortable things. Instead of the eaiser things where I could talk in circles about to try to avoid difficult subjects

[@_just_TK]

Kendra petranoff ❤️

[@AuthenticMentalHealth]

I know it’s scary to open up to people but you have to remember your therapist is there to HELP you! If they don’t know how you’re feeling or what you’re going through you can’t get the help you need and deserve❤️

[@daricecatherine1993]

I didn't know I needed this video but you've really changed my entire perspective, because this is one of my biggest issues in therapy!

[@lisab9541]

My therapist must wish I'd not cry so much.

[@midiknight6404]

Haha mine too!

[@jkrowlingify]

Kati, thank you so much! These tactics are what I really needed right now. Thanks a ton. You're helping thousands of people

[@kaitlincarr2990]

I know I dodge questions in my everyday life, but I try really hard not to because if I can’t open up to my therapist, who can I open up to? I’m wasting my time and not going to get any better. I know I still have a lot of defense mechanisms that go up, but I try to keep this in mind. I also reward myself if I was honest in session. I treat myself to my favorite food or something. It works for me. 🤷‍♀️ Thank you for another enlightening, thought/discussion-provoking, and helpful video!

[@warangel580]

Wow, thanks, it was exactly the video I needed because I'm always dodging questions because I don't wanna feel bad and cry in front of others, and your video just helped me realize that. I will try to do all your exercices, they look really helpful ! And you're right, therapy is incredibly hard.

[@Katimorton]

I am so glad it was helpful!! xoxo

[@arwaalghamdi4379]

Thank you Kati! Your videos became so addictive to me 😂 they’re always helpful & very enjoyable to watch & learn from. Plus, I believe you’ve a special way of conveying complex info to public. Genuinely THANK YOU for all the efforts you are doing & the great work you do! KEEP GOING! Love you lots ♥️♥️♥️

[@Ayatron34]

Yeah when asked how I'm feeling I tend to respond with what I've been doing.

[@theod4059]

Your videos always feel very calming and helpful to me! Just hearing your "happy Thursday!" puts me in a good mood. Thank you for all the work you put into your videos, they're very wonderful!

[@Katimorton]

Awe I am so glad :) oxxo

[@sarahf5691]

This was so helpful. I work in the mental health field and so many of my clients do this, so it's great to remember the reasons they could be doing so. Also, as someone who is currently in therapy, I often don't notice when I do this! Thanks so much for talking about this, Kati!

[@Laureena7]

This was SO SO HELPFUL! Thank you! I really relate to this. I always feel like I should ask about them or feel weird about saying my dark thoughts but this is a good reminder that they are there to help!

[@jessicamurphy5882]

I've been in therapy since March, and your videos help me with "tips and tricks" on how to say certain things or just talk in general. Again, thank you for all your videos and channel.

[@user-fw3dr5zp2n]

Tips on how to make therapy more helpful for myself like this are VERY appreciated. I struggle with that a lot and very often feel like I just hit a wall and have no idea what I should be bringing up/talking about. I have brought this up with my therapist and she helped me figure out some ways to navigate that, but these videos are also incredibly helpful. Anything about how I can make therapy work better for me is greatly appreciated!

[@rebeccas8054]

This is bizarre! This is EXACTLY the problem I was having with my therapist today. Not wanting to answer and talk about it, but not wanting to lie either. It was the first time in months that I was sabotaging therapy again. And I've been beating myself up for it all day, so it's nice tot hear that it's so common. Thanks for putting things in perspective, Kati!

[@LISUBEE1]

These tips to overcome this issue are SO ON POINT!! I kind of knew that I've been avoiding talking about some things/phrasing my thoughts and emotions as I perceived them, out of the fear that they were wrong and if I said them out loud everyone (including my therapist) would leave me, but it wasn't a conscious decision, it just happened somehow. Writing them down and giving them to my therapist or emailing them was very helpful, as well as letting my therapist know that I tend to "neutralize" my thoughts and emotions when I talk about them, because I am afraid of losing people when they know what I am thinking or feeling.. Slowly but surely I've been overcoming this block and it is one of the most amazing and helpful things ever in the therapeutic process!

[@xplosivekitteh13]

I start my first therapy appointment that ive had in a long while in the morning (its almost 3am right now lol.) I became nervous, and I found your channel. I have spent the last several hours binge-watching your videos and your advice and tips and I feel so much better! Thank you for all that you have done here on KZbin! I am glad that people like you exist ❤

[@_just_TK]

Winter Lee Welcome to the Community! I hope your therapy appointment went well!

[@sandracarman5887]

My psychologist, who deals with PTSD exclusively, sent me a questionnaire before the first appointment about why I was consulting and what would be a sign that I was getting better. It had a lot of questions and reassured me because it is easier to write than say. I don’t know what she did but I trusted her from the very first visit. By visit 3 we were on inner child therapy. It has been 4 years, once a month, because she lives 5 hours away. But she has been worth every mile and dollar. I feel, and my friends say, I’m a totally different person.

[@elenapatton5031]

This legit is one of the main issues I am struggling with at the current moment not only in my life but more than less in therapy. So glad you made this video!!!

[@Katimorton]

I hope it was helpful!! xoxo

[@eloisemarie5219]

Exactly what I needed. Great tips for continuing forward in my therapy.

[@marq6929]

When I have trust issues with doctors or dentists, I try to remind myself that they are experts who want to do their job. I just realized that I could use this same trick when I'm struggling with a new therapist. That thought usually helps me relax a bit and at least open up to the possibility that they are trustworthy and going to help.

[@lisasnoozy3749]

I had a really rough time tonight. I was supposed to be going my testimony to others during the festival in town tonight and tomorrow and I have visions of my abusers. Tonight my vision screamed in my face and I spilled my pop on the table and it sent me into a full panic attack. I felt so embarrassed and like a failure. I had to call my therapist to help me calm down and contain my flashbacks and visions and an anxiety. For my journal most of the time I write about the hard stuff or flashbacks and just hand her my journal to read. I’ve been seeing her for 12 years and it took me 9 years to get to the point that I trusted her enough to get to the hard stuff, and we’ve been doing trauma therapy the last 3 years. I’m the queen of avoiding questions. Thanks for your videos, they help me a lot. ❤️

[@elzanievorster3351]

O my goodness thank you Kati for saying it is normal. It feels better knowing it is a common thing💕 Half of the time it is not even intentional

[@Katimorton]

Yes it's so normal!! And I agree.. a lot of the time it's almost unconscious. I hope the video was helpful!! xoxo

[@elzanievorster3351]

@@Katimorton Of course it was helpful, thank you💕

[@lulayland3969]

You did this journal topic at the end of a video literally ages ago which someone recommended called ‘I don’t want to talk about...’ So you’d start the paragraph with that, then write as much as you can about whatever it is you don’t feel you can talk about. I still do it now because it shows me what I’m holding back, why I’m keeping things in and, if I’m struggling to share things in therapy, I can at least express my feelings through the writing. This video just reminded me of that topic! Soo helpful, thank you, Kati!

[@chloe412]

You are such a beautiful person inside and out and I love watching your videos because your perspective on things is just so positive. I love how you see the good in everyone. I wish you all the happiness :)

[@coraliedubois5890]

This summer I worked on a toolbox for those hard times. I bought 4 colors of flashcards for the 4 categories of tools I wanted to have on hand. One was positive quotes and phrases, one was for self-care tips and assessments, another was reminders of what helped me most I therapy and stuff my therapist and my psychiatrist worked on with me. The last category was all about gratitude and all of those defining moments that made my life what it is today. I call it the "nodes of life" because it is so I remember what steered me on my lifepath, but positively. I don't want to be reminded of the times I nearly died or felt extremely bad. I ruminate enough on those as it is!

[@vickyzeng4834]

I've definitely avoided questions in therapy! Thank you Kati for explaining this! These are great tips!

[@laurastgermain4712]

Vicky Zeng.mp3 hi I also avoid questions in therapy

[@Katimorton]

Of course!! I am so glad you found it helpful :) xox

[@laurastgermain4712]

Kati Morton hey I also need to message you privately because I have some questions that I need answered

[@kaylasitler3536]

I love how this video seemed so conversational.

[@krystenkruebbe775]

Without even watching it yet the answer for me isYES!!!

[@StrawberryCrush2000]

yep

[@msfidgetteach]

I sometimes avoid questions by not answering them. I usually shut down. Lately it's been better though. I learned it's okay to stumble through my words in a session

[@sedsed20]

I like the idea of setting your own goals for yourself and seeing how therapy can help. Constantly asked what I want out of therapy and I never know what to say. The way this was said I think it just clicked.

[@theotherkangaroo]

I *must* write out what I am thinking in order to sort things out! 😁 Suggestion for writing: write with the option of burning or shredding the paper afterward so it feels safer to get it on paper. Then, shred or burn, if needed.

[@freshZK]

oh my god the moment you mentioned dodging questions i realised i was totally doing this. Especially when it comes to questions about how I feel about things. If the answer is "I feel bad" or upset about this, I tend to answer with what i THINK about it or just give more information about the situation, not really bothering to talk about my feelings. That's because my parents would criticise me for feeling sad or angry, they always wanted me to be happy or neutral.

[@birb8871]

When I shut down my therapist was like “I’m gonna sit here until you answer my question” I feel like she doesn’t understand me at all :(

[@alanblazek1653]

...must listen again to this. Plan to buy some workbooks. Plan to join writing prompts. Thank u. God bless you.

[@justmythoughts7381]

Found this video really helpful. Thank you.

[@reemamufti3167]

You answer to all my most relatable questions. Your videos are so awesome. Bless you!

[@lightnlove1689]

Thank you so much for posting!

[@PiccoloGrandeCoro]

I don't know where else to write this so I'm gonna write this here and see if anyone in this community knows if this is appropriate or not, cause Im a little unsure.. So I recently went on a car ride with my therapist because I'm scared of driving on the highway. She was the one driving and her car broke down and said "engine fail" RIGHT when we were turning on to the highway.. we drove to a nearby gas station and she was gonna call a taxi to get us home.... UNTIL she suddenly decided to call her BROTHER tp get us instead. I live in a pretty small town so chances I was gonna know her brother were pretty high and I got so scared.. luckily I didn't know the brother, but I still felt so weird she had called her family member telling him what happened and that she was there with a client. It was so awkward sitting in his car with him and my therapist when my therapist suddenly started TELLING HIM my name and what my problems are? Right in front of me? And. then dared to ask what my anxiety level was while we all 3 were in the car. It was sky high but I obviously didn't wanna tell anyone so I said it was a 4. I just wanted to jump out of the car... FAST. I feel so robbed and so weird about what happened. I wanna stop therapy with her.. Whether she broke some rules or not, I still feel so weird.. so is this appropriate or am I totally overreacting?

[@92RKID]

Elea, that is a really good observation. I would expect a lot of therapists, if not all, are to keep such information confidential. If your therapist was supposed to keep it confidential, then yes she did break that rule. Also, it sounds like she lost your trust. I understand some of that anxiety. I hope you can find a different therapist who won't do that to you.

[@_just_TK]

Elea .....there are SO many red flags in this story! It definitely was a breach of confidentiality for your therapist to discuss your situation w/ her brother!!! I would have a serious conversation with your therapist about this whole event and give some serious thought to getting a new therapist!

[@beatriz_teixeira]

That was very inappropriate and unprofessional of her. Of course you felt uncomfortable and anxious and betrayed! I'm really sorry this happened to you.

[@haleyrg6412]

Avoiding questions so you don’t get sectioned again 😎

[@Katimorton]

I totally understand that.. but maybe focus on what has lead up to us feeling so hopeless or helpless can be a good way of side stepping any questions that we feel could cause us to be sectioned. xoxo

[@cro222]

Thanks for making this video I feel like I did the same thing sometime to my therapist or that I was really shy or it was hard for me to open up to her but now I been there for a year now I feel I can tell her anything that’s mind on or what I want to work on as well

[@DanielJohnsen200]

I went to therapy for a while. I had a bunch of things I wanted to talk about on a subject I found really hard to bring up. But when I talked about it for a while, I forgot what I wanted to talk about and wanted to change the subject to something more pleasant. I also had a set time during the week going to therapy, and I didn't always feel like I needed it the day I was going.

[@caleuxx9108]

Great topic... Not responding (to questions) is a great self-protection strategy with some narcissists. I think my brother has adopted this. It becomes a problem, when the defense mechanism is used with people who are not toxic, who actually are capable of mutuality. My brother using this all the time has caused me to not trust him, because I say something, he does not respond and then does what ever he wants, which would normally be fine - except the situations affect me. From my perspective the result is chaos, constant chaos... which is exhausting. I no longer trust my brother because of his very poor communication.

[@Chofa.doodles]

Lovelovelove this topic, thanks kati!

[@PRoseLegendary]

My therapist has been so great at helping with this stuff. She doesn't push, she says things like "I noticed you got a bit teary then, do you want to talk about what that brought up for you?" And if I say "I don't know" she gives me time to finish the thought because "I don't know" is an automatic reaction. Also, after the first few sessions with her I started struggling with transference and was really anxious and she was so great about validating those feelings while also suggesting that we work on learning to re-mother myself as a goal. I can't believe it's taken 10 years and moving interstate to finally find a therapist so amazing.

[@skyjaden2975]

thank you, this was really helpful 👌😊

[@bethany-b2pkfilms792]

You are now one of my favorite people in the world

[@elijahhaag6239]

I did good self talk the other day!! It was harsh but it wasnt to myself, it was to my anxiety. I was getting anxious for absolutely no reason and I just yelled at it and basically was like "No! I am in control, not you. You dont get to say what I can and cant do. I do that. So sit down and shut up!" And if it would sneak back up I went "No!! Siiiiit! Sit down. You dont have a place here, theres no reason for you. Sit down. I got this" I thought it wouldnt work but it rEally did :)))

[@annemarieslegers2356]

Thanks Kati, this video is super helpfull :)

[@Narratorinthecloset]

The DBT skill non-judgemental stance really help me not only not judging myself but my therapist telling me she will not judging me really help me to open up.

[@flowerbuster2598]

Very helpful thanks!

[@cayden114]

can you do a video on hypochondria/illness anxiety disorder????

[@willb3368]

to your stories prompt: i am grateful for the few friends i have left despite the political insanity and rampant internet sanitization, blocking, and censorship. being fairly isolated, i feel truely lucky to have persons i can still connect with, given what the climate of the internet happens to be right now. i can tell from social media and various discussion groups that most people feel more isolated than myself. namaste. :)

[@maddisonanne8919]

I have more recently been able to see when I am doing that, so I call myself out, tell myself and my therapist that I am avoiding the question because I dont know how to answer, do t like the answer, etc. It helps me to call myself out. To say "I know I'm babbling to avoid this, and you know it too."

[@storytellerhut3488]

Oh my god! I am an Olympic level avoider/ dodging questions person. Even after many years in therapy I still really struggle! This video is soo perfect for me.

[@brianna6233]

Olivia Clink I am the master of avoidance 😂 It’s hard for me to open up

[@bellaandsevy5338]

I’m going back to therapy tomorrow for the first time in a while and I know I do this so much

[@abbeyc4865]

You got this!

[@bellaandsevy5338]

Unknown Name thank you 💗💗

[@Katimorton]

I hope some of the tips and tools I talk about are helpful!! xoxo

[@srmillard]

Great topic! I'd like to know your opinion as a therapist about how often (e.g., the rate at which) you've been fooled by a client. As we know proper/accurate diagnosis isn't always easy given the illness/disorder, client (honest, self-deceived, etc.) and the therapist (e.g., expertise, etc.). Or, alternatively, how common is it that a therapist doesn't share their diagnosis with their client, e.g., because it would cause more problems, isn't fruitful, etc. I ask because I know someone who has been in therapy of 10+ years off and on (mostly on) and IMO they've never been diagnosed correctly.

[@Dreamer5211]

Hi Kati , thanks for the video , for some reason so far I seem to be able to answer any question asked , but I have not been asked the really tuff ones ( I don`t think ) , that leads me to ask , what would be considered a really hard question to answer , aside from the very personal stuff. OK , so now you have me thinking , geez I am getting tired already !!. Thanks again , for everything , take care , Gary . XOXO

[@TheNifster]

I switched therapists a few months ago. I decided to tell the new one everything and not hold anything back. I let her know day 1. So far I think things have moved in a positive direction even faster. I never leave her office feeling like I have to come back to something next week.

[@morgie4378]

I find it helpful to recognize when you're pulling away. Because you can really feel it when you're pulling away from your counselor. I do anyway.

[@skippyrosy4585]

I've taught myself to answer 'Yes' & 'No' to my therapist and keep my outward look cool and casual. The last time I openly talked about something she asked, the session ended with a draft notice. With 3 tours under my belt that was the first time I was ever drafted in. I was almost tempted to go AWOL.

[@multiinuteis]

Awesome video!

[@nikkimckay860]

Hello I am subscribed to this channel because I like watching these videos and listening to advice and help I want to be able to feel comfortable with other people here on this channel I choose not to tell my personal problem s but I am in a bad why most days I am a suffering health issues these videos are helpful thank you

[@gazicj]

haha, that outro music--I feel like i could be in a therapist's waiting room...a slightly hip, slick, but nice, sorta vibe in the place, the decor. And/or, I'm now picturing scenes from the old, old, old, Old School tv show, The Love Boat--watching way too cheerful, obscenely old looking to me (bc I was a kid back when The Love Boat sailed the oceans blue) adults, dancing in a line to said outro music, and what is up w/ all the bell-bottom pants and polyester designs--dude, that shirt collar is practically touching the floor--you could choke a pitbull with that thing--I'm seriously scared. What? Well, I guess this is what I wanna talk about to start this week's therapy session, I don't know, I wasn't really thinking, just making conversation. Yeah, I know, we've been working on not avoiding the issues, yes, I know, it's MY goal, that I came up with on my own--look, it's not my fault your outro music brought back hazy weird memories of The Love Boat, okay? Besides, I'm just free associating, as god almighty, I mean freud--he might as well be--intended. If I was a therapist, I think I'd have a comfy couch set up where my patients---okay, yeah, fine, I meant clients, whatever, you know what i mean--where they could lay down if they wanted to--the ones who would want to. Can you charge more if you have a couch? OMG, I just thought of this--no, forget it, no couch, are you kidding me, omg, have you ever had, like, a boss, who had a couch in his office? How creepy has every one of them been? Seriously, the worst. God, now I feel all disgusting, how did we get on this topic? Oh yeah, the outro music--I kinda like it.

[@chicgirl85]

I'm the WORST with this! but my therapist is awesome and holds me accountable with it. If I say "I don't know" he will push me on it and tell me that "I don't know" doesn't help me in this situation.

[@0Flow0]

I dont do this but have met people who do. It makes them seem unreliable but now I understand them a little better.

[@acstephens3588]

1st time in therapy: Therapist: so why have you come in today? Me: Did you know spiders have clear blood? Therapist: we got a long way to go.

[@minervacori]

I was listening to a podcast that interviewed a therapist and that raised a question: do therapists care about their patients/clients? I personally love seeing and talking to my therapist and being an incredibly empathetic person, I naturally attach to people pretty quickly but I was wondering if hearing about how your clients struggle through things or FINALLY made some progress and are proud of themselves, are most therapists also as caring to them as a person or is there a professional line you can't cross regardless of how long you've been seeing each other?

[@katiebwheeler]

I don't avoid questions I'm done carrying around all my crap, I need help to work thru it and be free of it...and I can't do it if I don't talk about it. It's hard but the goal is worth being uncomfortable. However I do have a traumatic thing that happened repeatedly over 4 years in my childhood that every time my counselor started to touch on it I would literally just say nope nope nope, not going there. Lol. I started EMDR with her about a month ago (been seeing her for 2 years though) and we agreed she would wait for it to come up naturally in trauma therapy if I agreed to not shove it back down in the locked box I keep it in when it breaks out....

[@maddiedeitz2321]

can you do a video on rumination? i’ve had it for a while now and all my friends think i’m weird for having it :( but your videos help a lot.

[@_just_TK]

Maddie Deitz Kati already has a great video on this! kzbin.info/www/bejne/g6uaqYmgpJpqn80

[@RenataOliveira-dw1vl]

Hi Kati, I love your videos , they’re very informative and helpful. This week I have a second therapy session and the first impression wasn’t great. I’ve tried to contact others professionals but as it’s been difficult to find availability I have to keep going to this one. Could you please tell me how can I, what can I do to make sure the therapist is the right one ?? Thanks!

[@_just_TK]

Renata Oliveira it’s usually the rule of 3. Give it three sessions because the first session is just going over ur history, the second is kinda feeling them out, and the third is when you can tell if you feel comfortable w/ them

[@bricecameronmusic]

When I have seen therapists, I want to tell them about everything that has ever happened to me that has hurt me or been painful. I find that eventually, they reach a point where they interupt me and decide that everything else I want to talk about isn't important and we need to focus on something of their choosing, even though I answer all of their questions along the way. I also find that if they had a plan for the session that day, and I want to talk about something new that happened to me and is very much stressing me out, they prefer to stick to their plan, instead of letting me tell them about it and ask for help with it. This is frustrating for me, because I am tend to bottle everything up. When I see a therapist, I want to get everything off my chest so I don't have to keep carrying that burden around, but that goal does not seem to be mutual.

[@mamae5478]

Question for you...What makes a therapist believe you do not trust them/open up with them?I have been seeing my therapist over 2 yrs now for anorexia. She disappointed & hurt me a few weeks ago by saying she wanted me to be honest, open and trust her.(& YES, I wads only able to tell her how I felt the next session b/c I journaled about it & was able to read it to her ;) ) She knows I have BIG trust & abandonment issues but I do trust her.I responded that there was never any question she asked that I did not answer, why did she think that, and I had rarely(?) deflected. I do not dodge questions blatantly I don't think. It still bothers me.... I love your tip about goal setting. I haven't done this with my therapist but I know it would help b/c I make lists for all types of things and the satisfaction of ticking them off is great. I'm an objective person.

[@stefanklass6763]

most doged question: "How are you doing?". At least I don't lie!

[@brianna6233]

Human Person when my therapist ask me that question legit most of the time I don’t know

[@moskalmg]

"how are you doing?" "Oh terrible but the blues won the stanley cup and I bought a cute jacket the other day and did I tell you about my cat and How Are You Karen?"

[@andagain9826]

I have often wondered how someone with a broken internal compass due to childhood trauma can ever find the right therapist. They will inevitably be drawn to invalidation and those with unavailable vibe or simply those who are unable to see them or to give the familiar expression of what the broken person considers being seen.