Are You Desperate for Love and Respect?

[@DownHomeDavis]

As the wife of a man who’s mother is exactly like Anne, I can assure you her son HAS told her why he doesn’t talk to her. She just refuses to listen, accept accountability, and CHANGE.

[@Jarcano8]

You are NOT an "idiot" Dr. John. You are NOT a "dumb podcaster". YOU are the One and Only Dr. John Deloney that helps people improve their lives and mental health.

[@Mysterious_Moon]

Anne triggers the hell out of me. Her tone, her mentality, the way she takes little blame of situations and feels like everyone is against her. She reminds me of my mother before she made a change. I had to dial down my contact with mom for a long time because I wasn’t allowed to be myself or have different opinions on events or just simple things. I was always wrong. Anne felt love because her kids needed her when they were young. Now, they’ve learned to not need her. Learn to fully accept them and that will show real love.

[@cashway0420]

she wasn't fooling Delony, he knew there was a good reason those kids ran off on her

[@girlygirl1890]

@Mysterious Moon You hit the mail on the head with what I was thinking. I could not have said what you said better.

[@Kevin.Grindel]

She abandoned them

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

This is a great post! 👍 ❤ It has helped explained my experience too. They cannot handle someone having their own opinions, etc. Great insight!

[@heatherbruce1668]

Even her voice and one lightened when he taljed about her

[@sally180]

My mum used to tell me ALL the time that I didn’t love her, that nobody Loved her. If I was sad or angry it erased every expression of love I had ever given in the blink of an eye. I couldn’t be me around my mum and most of the time, I felt like I didn’t have one. I felt like the mum from my first memory

[@brennanleyen]

“Choose grief- On the other side of grief is healing.” Thank you so much.

[@djlazylee]

The call with the 65 year old lady is just heartbreaking. When you love someone, tell them. It can be truly life changing and in some cases, life saving.

[@jackiecubbison1505]

WOW. WE HAVE BEEN TOLD OUR ENTIRE LICES OUR BODYS ARE FOR SOMEONE ELESES!!!!

[@95mudshovel]

listening to the second caller like: "mom?"

[@TheKellyGreen]

Props to the producers and putting Anne and Kayla in the same episode.

[@brightpage1020]

I listen while doing dishes and folding laundry, between phone calls budgeting for snow tires.. Which will wait a year. Just FYI - your show helps the mundane move quicker for me. Thank you!

[@zippagraphics]

One hundred percent, Anne who doesn’t feel loved by anyone made her children carry the weight of her emotional needs before they were adults and after. So uncool. They don’t want to talk to her because they feel trapped and like they are drowning in her neediness when they are around her. I wish for healing for the whole family.

[@AprylYates]

This show is getting me through the most difficult time. Leaving a mentally abusive relationship. I can’t afford therapy. So I look for same topics. And get the advice etc from there.

[@lylagray9669]

Ohh Anne - prayers hun! My husband was estranged from his dad for a little over a decade and it took about 5 years (after they got back in touch) for him to start a relationship with him. He realized that his mom was not telling him the full truth about his dad.

[@dianewelty7107]

Kayla's call reminded me of my borderline narcissistic mother. Pray for both to heal. My mother got worse with age.

[@nonosfavorites]

My favorite saying - don’t ask a clown why it’s a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus!

[@beastshawnee]

Then it’s not really borderline. it is narcissism.

[@kat-ko8qe]

​@@beastshawneeshe means, her mom is BPD & NPD

[@karlasnyder9856]

Anne’s call-in was for me. Thank you Anne for taking courage! I gleaned so much from your call.

[@roserowley911]

Not cried so much, these callers are just me over 20 years combined... shaking in my core! Thank you dr John! My abusive mom was a nurse and a person centred counsellor... My mind, body and spirit avoids help ... all your advice is seeking help ... how in my case ? How? Being clinical when I wanted a mom? I relive my trauma every single time!! I use alcohol ... I hear her virtue and then feel the abuse in the same time ... if someone tells me to seek a counselling or group therapy I want to f throw up and run away! A pillar of society and a pedestal of human kindness was my abuser .. your asking me to run to this for help??? I can’t ... I really can’t I’m a suicide survivor determined to not to this again! I love your advice put I can’t take it

[@michellescarfSpacex]

❤

[@beastshawnee]

All squares are rectangles but NOT all Rectangles are squares. Your instinct says “counselors are abusers” because your Mom was. But not all counselors are abusers. Did you know: That you can get references? That you can walk away from any session? That you can “fire” a counselor? For anything? That is one isn’t your style-you can find a different one? You now have adult powers?! Because You do! Perhaps for you…someone who would do a telephone remote session might give you a space of safety mentally so you could relax. Or you don’t have to have a counselor and can slowly figure this all out on your own. Honestly I went to a handful way back in college. Some were ok. One was a Freudian nutjob and I filed a complaint against her and that apparently was her final chance and she was removed. I had to testify at a hearing and I was racked with guilt but she truly had made me super distressed. So my intention was to “fire” her from my life but the Counseling center was full of people that wanted her gone- they told me so. But also ALL of her clients came in and made statements. -nothing positive to save her. But I have been sorting thru childhood extreme trauma for all my life (am 62 now) It will never end, but my abusive dad died 2 years ago. My codependent ( to him )Mother will likely outlive me. I have her on very low contact and am just keeping it surface from now on. She still praises him-to ME!? It’s crazy and a rewriting of history, but I KNOW now she will never change her narrative. I have the family dynamic really clearly sorted out now and it realllly helps! With the right counselor maybe I could have gotten here earlier but maybe not. So don’t feel like anyone saying “You need a counselor” is right. Maybe that’s NOT what you need. Maybe you need nature’s healings. Maybe hugs from kids. Maybe a puppy. Maybe a journal. Maybe a supportive partner. Maybe to be alone. You will figure it out.

[@eileenfuentes6975]

Aww ❤ I know exactly what you mean. I honestly recommend his book. ❤

[@NeuroSeasoned]

BPD? Anne's story and the way she's convinced that she's never been loved have me thinking that she would benefit from working with a therapist trained in EMDR, or someone trained in trauma (not just "trauma informed," that basically only means they're empathetic towards your trauma. It doesn't mean they can actually help guide you through and heal from it). And on top of that, DBT is an evidence-based approach that works for folks who struggle with identity, self-criticism, and a history of feeling constantly rejected (ie borderline tendencies)

[@nicoleee1980]

You can do this Anne!!! Praying for you ❤

[@roserowley911]

Yes ❤

[@lavenderkisses9461]

His insight on women that have Ed’s being master conversationalists is brilliant

[@kat-ko8qe]

Kayla im so sry. I understand what your ging through.

[@joanlovelace7338]

Dear Dear Ann "Forgive" yourself please please. Once you do it,it will lift that burden off your heart. Get help and find a scripture focused church sweetie. It will be the BEST thing YOU will do for yourself. I wish i was your friend. Make these years the best ever. Love Ya

[@LaniLanilei]

The end of the matter is better than the beginning of the matter. It's the in between that is difficult. How it ends, and it will end depends on, hopefully making the right unselfish decision.

[@Mama2three-m3x]

I had to run for my life in the middle of the night my husband literally strangled me I thought I was gonna die I took all 3 of my children I was very blessed to have family for help but if my children wasn’t with me I would not have left.

[@annabouchard2534]

woohoo! new episode!

[@victorialarowe4980]

The lyrics at the end were the perfect pick me up from a hard episode!

[@domeatown]

Its hard to know with anne. I was a scapegoated kid, and followed that up with some manipulative people bc I didn't know any better. So I know what it feels like to not be loved. But the framing of the questions makes me feel... Just icky. Hopefully she can rewrite that story and get some love in her life.

[@alexbozza6139]

He came for me with the rotating the tires comment lol it’s like he knows

[@ashleymarie6585]

Actually I listen to this podcast while I do all my household activities LOL

[@maureengeisinger1506]

You need to talk more about gray divorces and run away husbands .... only thing lacking on this show! But love you all!

[@EdelweisSusie]

Agree totally about the brick-carrying. You can only do your best with your situation at the time and give up mentally torturing yourself over what's passed. I would advise this lovely woman to write a 'round robin' email (the same one to each child) explaining (briefly) the situation and that she's now going to let them live their own lives and get on with starting a new one of her own. Believe me - if/when a child falls into financial hardship, they'll suddenly remember her phone number!!!

[@beastshawnee]

Sounds like they will give two figs. They were happy to make distance from this woman who is never self critical. She KNOWS what she did. They know what she did. Frankly I don’t think she’d bother with self examination NOW,

[@karendennis2398]

Really good Thank you I have big ball of yarn all knotted up. Lots of plates!!

[@Sadielady21]

I Feel Ann's pain. I had a rough childhood, I've been married for 43 years. I feel like my kids don't like me for some reason. Not sure why. They don't call, they don't stop by. We see each other once in a while even though we live in the same town. When we do see each other no one talks about anything deep. It seems all on the surface superficial.

[@LaniLanilei]

Sad indeed

[@kellyeverett]

You know why be honest with yourself

[@crimsonskyy1]

So start the conversation and really think about your past through their experiences I’m sure you’ll find at least one reason. Then I hope you’re willing to take accountability for your part

[@tomnohmy1273]

I hit the subscribe button multiple times, sometimes daily.

[@Minnesotayankee]

You subscribe and unsubscribe repeatedly? 😂

[@tomnohmy1273]

@Yankee lol. No just me being funny

[@strnglhld]

🤣

[@GwenMotoGirl]

Anne is so brave to call in. A part of my story is similar to her story.

[@allil87]

One of the best one.

[@youtubelady6118]

“My kids won’t tell me why they won’t talk to me.” Ok, I know she’s sad and lonely but red flags here. Why would adult children stop talking to their parent other than a history of abuse? There may be something she is not telling John here. She could have any kind of personality disorder, who knows.

[@DownHomeDavis]

There’s definitely something she’s not saying… my husband has a similar relationship with his mom, he doesn’t talk to her anymore. I can’t tell you how many times he has explained in extreme details why he doesn’t speak to her. Each and every time she tries to come back she says “I just don’t understand why you HATE me”

[@sandyelliott3350]

Kids stop talking to you after you've spoiled them and then said enough after they're 25

[@sonjacimochowski2662]

The timing of the commercial breaks is cruel.

[@eileenfuentes6975]

That's why I got youtube red to have no commercials. The creators have no control of that. Free versions of anything now usually require you to upgrade to remove ads. ❤

[@TerriBennett-nf4vb]

something tragic had to have happened for it to come to that

[@glennmendoza7290]

Greetings from Aurora, IL!

[@erikrohr4396]

St. Charles, IL right here.

[@barbiesergio7663]

I was told "Mind the Gap" meant something waaaayyy different. 😂😂

[@christinacanto3740]

lol I’m putting clothes away WHILE I listen 😂😂to

[@TerriBennett-nf4vb]

I just think that your show and you are the bomb . you make me think .but you make me laugh as well !!!!!!

[@AimeeHeath-y2g]

If the daughter is 3, she will have property to sell when she is an adult. The 3 year old may have a different dynamic with grandma as an adult.

[@TheEquiss]

Dating after 50 is difficult. Guys only want a hook up, a shack up or money. I’m 54. Was married 35 years. Been single 2 years now. Prob never find anyone worthwhile

[@sarahalderman3126]

Yeah, its like that basically after say 24-25… the men left single after that age are single for a reason though. So alone may be the better option.❤

[@blueseptember2174]

I'm in the same boat just a bit younger. Maybe I'll find someone amazing but if not I would really like to be content with myself. It's gonna take time.

[@Minnesotayankee]

Yes, I got remarried and now he’s leaving me because he doesn’t want to do work in our relationship.

[@erikrohr4396]

Is it common to want to remarry after a long marriage? Maybe it depends if it's a divorce or a death. I've been married 15 years and I'm sure it's my last one whatever happens.

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@erikrohr4396 I would think it is. Myself I can’t imagine and we’re at around 22 years thus far.

[@akferren1]

Yes I am

[@Paradise-on-Earth]

STOP DISSING KELLY!!!! urghs. You are soo good. Just stop the mean "jokes"

[@flashthecorgi2053]

They’re like siblings. Both of them are fine with it. Kelly does the same thing to him just probably off air.

[@jansoyster1303]

She cannot say back to you what she may really feel about your demeaning comments. You could model for other people how they need to speak to others, but you aren't doing that. Please change how you work with Kelly.

[@jamesstanton3280]

I haven't been more mad then I am now.idk if this triggers me or cause my last 3 therapist annoy me or I'm mad cause I am broke and feel stuck in life but work 65hrs a week

[@beastshawnee]

Same same everyone is stuck right now.

[@CJ-xg6pf]

I love this show because it helps to know what kinda of women to avoid...

[@devankurmitra4118]

What were you doing when you were young?

[@sarahalderman3126]

Working and running in circles…

[@joanlovelace7338]

@mysterious_moon Words are very hurtful you do not knowing what this woman experianced in life you have NO right to judge her,period! Your hateful remarks go back to your mother,,,work on it, forgive and gain compassion, in your heart. Get help. I'm saying this to every mean spirited remark .. Dr John was helping her NOT judging her.!!

[@nathansimpson5721]

Hello from St. Louis

[@realyrandomdude]

Pm

[@jeradkiester698]

Got ran thru in college, regrets it and calls it sexual trauma. Body counts higher than dahmer and as the saying goes, you can't turn a h03 into a housewife.

[@jeradkiester698]

She lied during their entire courtship, terribly selfish. Feel for the husband.

[@caitlinlavelle8659]

Oof you’re not nice

[@theyoutubeanalyst3731]

That is literally sexual trauma, though?

[@jacobtaylor-ze7gy]

Be careful with “Mind the Gap” comments. This is common for describing a crotch gap when a gal has her legs together. When you combine it with a gal that has had eating disorders, it can come off horribly tone deaf.

[@michellepark1006]

In Australia it means don’t fall between the train and the platform.

[@fernleafmedia]

I​@@michellepark1006In New Zealand it means 'jump here.'😮