Are you waiting for your avoidant ex to come back?

[@LeMartinOG]

The pill you need to swallow is the version of the ex that you loved was gone long before the breakup and that theyre not coming back...

[@coping_in_copeland_coper]

This. The first two months of infatuation was a fake mask of them. It's never coming back. Imagine if they were always that person - How can their previous relationship fail? They're essentially perfect and nobody will let go of them.

[@暗香晚风]

If you do give them another chance, your Boundaries are your Sword and Shield, and keep their Feets on the FIRE ! They Must make up for their mistakes Seriously and Repent! Or your heart will be torn again, just Like last time and even more Painful !!

[@petitcoeur-q6r]

Yes this - the version of them that you thought loved is not coming back - I have to remember that. Someone that loves you won’t treat you like crap. When I feel indifferent I know that I’ve let go. I think I will need intensive therapy to go over my issues that I suffer mentally that this connection has affected so much. This is what an avoidant does - mentally traumatise you (the victim) for perhaps the rest of your life.

[@kissass1286]

Yes

[@ketobodybuilder2482]

Yep that person is gone forever

[@vodacoma1747]

You are absolutely right... I'm still in pain.. one day its better next one tears... hope time will heal...

[@jackiel7726]

I am so sorry I'm going through the same thing Is devastating to feel this pain. It doesn't even let you function The pain consumes me. ❤️‍🩹😔

[@Ari-ih5un]

Same here, 4 weeks out. Was doing okay some days and today I'm sobbing like it's Day 1. The memories hurt and it feels so fresh. I know I can't date them again even if that were remotely possible, but I'm grieving the person in my memories. It's so painful thinking I'll never see or talk to them again.

[@Empress_Energyyy]

When you heal you will realize you deserve a partner that could give to you like you gave to them. You can’t fix them. Love yourself more than to accept less is the lesson. You will look at situation see the signs and choose different. ❤

[@walkertranger5746]

I’m sorry you are in pain , as I can relate. I’ve been shredded ! 8 months of no contact after she ghosted from our 7 year relationship. There was no “just cause”. I’m in so much pain … I’m beyond damaged

[@lizardluminals9324]

@@Empress_Energyyyhow do you heal? Is it just a matter of time for it to heal

[@artfuladjunct8224]

I think I am done dating. I cannot imagine ever going through that hurt again. Not worth the risk.

[@TaurusMan68]

@@artfuladjunct8224 I'm thinking about the same thing. Relationship heartache destroyed my positive outlook on being with someone. It sucks

[@passerby6168]

"The second discard, it hurts just as much as the first." And sometimes even more. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

[@Shornandkenny]

I'm on the third, I'm absolutely devastated. Fuck!

[@lizardluminals9324]

Does this missing/depressed feeling ever go away? I feel like I’m making progress and then I get all depressed again. You’re right, I miss the way they were before the discard.

[@Darkempress45]

It does. Start doing things that better yourself. Don’t focus on them, focus on yourself. What are some things you need to improve? Do you need to spend less and save more? Build up your savings? Do you want to learn a skill? Take that pottery class, take that Italian cooking class that you’ve always thought looked interesting, treat yourself to a good book to read for the rest of the summer, plan a trip to go on out of the country for next year. Where do you want to go? Santorini anyone? Life is so beautiful. Relationships are only about the relationship that we are having with ourselves. Be happy for another opportunity to see how you may not be so good to yourself. See this as another opportunity to be better and learn new things. Life is a classroom. You get to choose if you want to continue to repeat the lesson, or graduate with honors! ❤✨💫

[@暗香晚风]

He is severely avoidant. I have known him for 14 months, and I only called him 8 times. Each call was very long, often lasting more than 10 hours! But I put down the phone and returned to the ice cave. In the next six months, I didn’t have any phone contact, except for necessary text messages - I would not take the initiative to find him, I hate pestering... However, we love each other very much, and he decided that he was the one from the beginning. The woman who wants to marry me! Our relationship was so awkward and ambiguous. We were still virgins to each other. Until 2 months ago, he gave in again and broke up. He behaved badly. I slapped him hard twice and he also hurt my arm. , sent back his favorite gift, but did not return me the T-shirt that I once wore... From now on, we have no contact - I dare not look forward to the future, I am too tired , it hurts! I'm just responsible for making myself healthier and more beautiful! And I’m writing a book in which he is the protagonist, so that’s enough. BTW, sometimes I burst into tears....

[@hwywhdhhdhf6707]

Deep inside they are manipulative as well....these videos helped a lot in surving the abrupt discard.

[@petitcoeur-q6r]

They came back and then discarded me again. I had the image of their lovebombing version of themselves as what they were but it was all an illusion. So the real version is the one that discarded me. I have to remember that. Discard version is cruel and selfish so I have to keep remembering that. The second time they came back they said they changed that they were less guarded. Don’t think so, they were worse than before. So I think they do know how they are but they choose not to change for anyone. I don’t want to be discarded over and over again. They don’t love me. I wouldn’t have blindsided them how they did like me. I deserve better than what they did to me.

[@johndevivo8683]

Thanks. I have to remember what you have said. The version I forget was numb, distant, made me anxious and irritable, was always making plans that did not include me, and I wondered each day if the relationship would end. I pretended to be easy going, strong, and it was all bullshit. That’s what I need to remember. Every day

[@shaneharrold5173]

Believe me, it doesn't matter if its the first, second or twentieth discard. They all hurt just as much as each other, if not more.

[@careycrews1]

The Love Bomb version was amazing...Then the nightmare version appeared after they had me...Horrible

[@Doohopper_Grandma]

Oh my Goodness! You explained it so realistic . Yes there was the Love Bombing and fun part but the bread crumbing leading me on making me think we had a great relationship which I was so willing to help him overcome so many issues and fears. Only to be Blindsided and the rug pulled and discarded for someone with less character and morals then I have. Then not even acknowledging how wrong it was. At the Beginning of our relationship, he kept saying he had no one else . Then after many months of saying no one Loved him while I kept reassuring him I did, he dropped me like a Hotcake and went back to a relationship he was cheated and Ghosted from and she came back in the picture and I got dropped. If he tries to come back am I suppose to address all that. As he knows full well what he did was Wrong!

[@shamayetamohanto6122]

Same thing happened to me too

[@stephaniepetty5241]

Same here. He was Prince Charming until he knew he had me. Then, slowly the real him started to come out. Trying to heal and move on.

[@kimmae9283]

After trying therapy a few times my ex now states that he just can't do therapy as its too painful. So he's made the choice to stay toxic and continually hurt anyone that loves or cares about him. Game over. I told him not to contact me again until he was in therapy, and ready for a happy healthy relationship.

[@shreeparna777]

Yes they mostly do the same and fears therapy a lot cause it'll destroy their sense of themselves!

[@brennam954]

Therapy shatters their ego that they've built up over their lifetime and forces them not only to reflect on past trauma but take accountability for all the ways in which they've self-sabtoaged and hurt other people. They don't tend to stick it out and often hit a wall pretty early on.

[@kimmae9283]

@@brennam954 exactly 💯

[@coping_in_copeland_coper]

Yep they tend to not stay in therapy. Ken Reid mentioned this many times. Hopeless people in general

[@Priva_C]

Damn I wish I had a good therapist to help me with my avoidance. All therapist care about is your money and giving you drugs. They ramble for hours about things that won't event make a dent on recovering. Last therapist I had was playing KZbin videos for me the entire hour. 10 sessions of KZbin videos!!!! Thousands down the drain. Although the free videos were helpful

[@ejaz7513]

Coach Ryan is the most empathetic and insightful resource for understanding avodants. After being discarded and no contact for 3 months now, his videos have really helped to shift my mindset. As a secure, I couldn't make sense if the soul-destroying impact of being discarded. Now i understand the whole relationship followed the avoidant pattern. If she comes back, i dont know if I'll actually accept her, thats where i need to be ❤

[@lijojake]

Why wait for an emotionally damaged person who will suck the life out of you. Just pray for their healing so they can grow up and become emotionally stable.

[@sarakatharina2928]

I took him back, fought for him to return and heal, offered counseling, books, talks, a home. After two years I stopped fighting. Hurt like hell and sometimes still does. My twin flame isn't working on himself, I wish he was because deep down he is really the most beautiful man I ever met. Haven't seen him in months, I won't go back until he changes. Thank you Ryan

[@petersouza6554]

been there, i get it

[@MSP2104]

That is not a twin flame, but this terms seems to be used as ‘specific person’ these days.

[@NewPhone-r6s]

Maybe he'll make that decision in next lifetime or in the next 10 lifetimes who knows , that's how these things work, (It's called Choice & free will) You keep enjoying your life & stop focusing on him

[@msnatasty]

It's been 2 months and I still think about him every day and it is driving me insane.

[@mindylehrman6471]

Yes. I miss the early version. He broke up with me 3 months ago. For anyone who’s in the first month, the pain will lessen. There’s still a soreness in my heart today. I have accepted the reality that him showing up the first several months was his best. What’s best for a relationship is growth. He stopped wanting that growth with me. He wooed me more than any man I’ve ever dated. Drove to me, flew me to him, we drove to meet his family 8 hours away and back. Hard to receive that much effort, feel so at peace and then have him switch, shut down and leave. Sigh. What’s best now is to just KEEP MOVING FORWARD. Not sure I’m ready to date someone else again, but I’m determined to heal and get there. Safe, long lasting connections are hard to come by ❤️

[@TJLikePiggy]

I’m halfway through month 2 and this is hell. First dismissive avoidant I’ve encountered and jeez it is so brutal not knowing what was real or not

[@sadiyahmukhtar197]

Broken…

[@暗香晚风]

Poor girl .....hug you

[@暗香晚风]

He is 90 minutes away from my home, but further than flying from Toronto to Beijing... We have only called 8 times in 14 months, but we seem to be falling more and more in love each time. We were looking forward to meeting each other face to face, but we were both still beautiful virgins. He didn't even touch my hand, and then in May...he suddenly broke up again on the cliff?

[@ak-47intelligence75]

Pls dont wait around. They've moved on.

[@BruceJC75]

Honestly I feel like my pain is getting worse as time goes on. I’ve never been in love with anyone on such a deep level. We’d never even had sex, so I know that my attachment was never clouded by the dopamine of that. It was the long conversations, the plans, the looking forward to spending time with the kids. I want everything that was promised to me.

[@AnnaSus-q4g]

Hope is the dope - ghost on walls - they where never really there for you '' nutshell reminder I recognize too,, immense deep painfull expierence, slow torture of present life. loving a cold wall , getting more isolated living on hopefully happens mananas Al that mananas can be suddenly just a bubble poppin in nothing really

[@暗香晚风]

Same here ! He is severely avoidant. I have known him for 14 months, and I only called him 8 times. Each call was very long, often lasting more than 10 hours! ！even i m such poooor English... But I put down the phone and returned to the ice cave. In the next six months, I didn’t have any phone contact, except for necessary text messages - I would not take the initiative to find him, I hate pestering... However, we love each other very much, and he decided that he was the one from the beginning. The woman who wants to marry me! Our relationship was so awkward and ambiguous. We were still virgins to each other. I enjoy this holy and beautiful relationship like I first love Until 2 months ago, he gave in again and broke up. He behaved badly. I slapped him hard twice and he also hurt my arm. , sent back his favorite gift, but did not return me the T-shirt that I once wore... From now on, we have no contact - I dare not look forward to the future, I am too tired , it hurts! I'm just responsible for making myself healthier and more beautiful! It was he who forced me to go to the gym, 6 times a week, 90 minutes a day! This is the first time in my life！！ And I’m writing a book in which he is the protagonist, so that’s enough.

[@暗香晚风]

@@AnnaSus-q4g

[@elev8d2thelight21]

100% . I am a priority. This was perfect. Thank you. ❤

[@abigailramirez1614]

I don’t want this relationship back. He destroyed me. It’s only been a few days since he discarded me, but I am thankful he did. I know it’s for the better. ❤

[@johndevivo8683]

I remember feeling that way. Although it was devastating it was a relief. Always wondering what they were really thinking. Always uneasy. Felt like a house of cards at the end. I remember all too well……

[@cowboyblaze8767]

How are you now and how have been things going?

[@abigailramirez1614]

@@cowboyblaze8767 way better than before. He reaches out every once in a while and just the thought of it gives me anxiety! I try to keep the convo short or don’t respond at all. He is always negative. Always worrying. Literally never happy. I’m so thankful things ended!

[@cowboyblaze8767]

@abigailramirez1614 I'm glad things are going well for you and you have gotten stronger!!

[@Ruthforme]

Nope, I’ll pass, that’s way too much. I’d be walking on eggshells and that’s not fair for anyone.

[@Ari-ih5un]

Would you consider friendship with them, why or why not

[@zebrastripes3786]

Nope,because I wouldn’t like my current partner to be friends with an ex (unless they have kids together) so If I’m moving on I’m not keeping friendships with mine either,one more reason is that the avoidant will take that as a sign of me not being over them and I’m keeping the door open for them,big no on that too,actions have consequences so you sit there and face that is the message I’m sending across

[@Ruthforme]

@@Ari-ih5un I’m good without the friendship too because too because I know my ex will try to manipulate me and get back into a relationship so….no✋.

[@thendebele]

If you weren’t getting anything out of a relationship with exchange of body fluid, What would you get in a friendship without a drop of saliva?

[@GSMAGI7]

never take back an avoidant or a narcisist. You dont know exactly which one of the two he or she is. Also when you have your boundaries the second time, they will break the boundaries.. Because they are selfish persons that only think about them selves.. This kind of relationship will destroy you, when ur secure or anxious doesnt matter.. You get destroyed bothe wayes.. Dont take a relationship and walk on eggshelves.. You dont grow as a person and the relationship also doesnt grow. Building something with somebody is key for relationship, you cannot do that with an avoidant or narcisist. So please to all good people.. stay away and find somebody that is good

[@tumbleweedconnection7906]

The 2nd discard hurts way way more than the first but sometimes you're much more prepared for it!

[@coping_in_copeland_coper]

Its heartbreaking and sad to say that with most avoidants, the person who discarded us will be the person we will get from that point onwards. Even when they are aware there is something wrong with them, the overwhelming majority do not change. You just have to read the first hand testimonials of people (discards) to realize that holding on to hope is futile to say the least. The ones who really do the work (over multiple years) and change are the exceptions to the rule. That's why they're avoidants. They avoid.

[@Ari-ih5un]

What would you say about friendship with the avoidant who discarded you? I'm just so hurt thinking of never speaking with them again, even though I know I couldn't date again.

[@brennam954]

@@Ari-ih5un Why would you want to be friends with someone who treated you without any care or respect? It's not fair to you at all, and they do not deserve any friendship from you.

[@mgtowsoldier8673]

They don't make very good friends...

[@coping_in_copeland_coper]

@@Ari-ih5un i rejected friendship. Because usually what they tell you for the breakdown of the relationship, stuff like "incompatibility", the nitpicking etc doesnt justify any friendship. Even though these are not the real reasons, i held her accountable to her words. I refused to be treated like shit and be friends because even friends dont do that to you! And, even strangers gave me more eye contact than her once the relationship got real. Its lonely, and the friendship will be a one way street with them only taking taking taking like they did in the rs unless they realise somethings wrong with them and not only want, but commit to change. Additionally the dynamics isnt one i could accept because they blur the lines between that and romantic partners (holding your hands, physical touch). If they commit to change, they will stay in a relationship with you and do the healing. Thats how real healing takes place for them ideally - in a healthy relationship.

[@Ari-ih5un]

@@mgtowsoldier8673 can you elaborate?

[@petridhskyriakos]

I dare to admit that your entire positioning couldn't have been more precise & punctual. Unfortunately,you're ABSOLUTELY right about EVERYTHING

[@cspace1234nz]

After a seriously awesome 'honeymoon period' of 3 months with a woman she shut down emotionally one evening after the most amazing weekend together and for no apparent reason. Never saw it coming and I reckon I am pretty sharp and deeply intuitive. I went to see her three days later and she was still in her little miserable shell, just that what she didn't know was that I was married for 12 years to one of these people, I know all the tricks. Day 4 I dumped her sorry arse and went full no contact. I have zero tolerance for these peoplem they are extremely destructive in relationships and I am not waiting around for a miracle, adorable as she is and in spite of having had a truly beautiful 3 months together. Avoid the avoidants at all costs, they will tear out your heart and eat it in front of you while it's still beating, they will `destroy your soul....Lol !

[@thendebele]

I agree with this… mine was 4 weeks of bliss… then two weeks of hell… I proposed Low Contact for 7 days… But I see that i now have to move on

[@cspace1234nz]

@@thendebele …yep, try to move on, hard as that might be. They are not like us humans, they are essentially unlovable

[@777-h6n]

My avoidant friend lasted 3 months. Just got discard card😂

[@cspace1234nz]

@@777-h6n ....did you give the avoidant the discard or was it you got discarded ?

[@777-h6n]

He discarded me because i laughed at an emoji he sent me. He called me a name and said i was making fun of him. Omg😂​@@cspace1234nz

[@CarlosHenriquez-u2n]

Watch this video as many times you need and take them off the pedestal video helps too!! Once you lose that Hope, you are able to start to heal and move on

[@anitafernando7838]

This video is exactly what I want now

[@RhondaJane-z2m]

My goodness this is so spot on. Is it not truly accurate also that narcissistic traits are embedded in the actions of the avoidant? Thank you for making this video truly.

[@RancidPetals23]

yes, I remember the beginning of the relationship, He was like Prince charming and love bombing! and then I got to see who he really was..... 😢

[@Fnx9955]

Yes, I broke his heart right back and broke up w him, cut contact and blocked him! The player avoidant got played right back..BOOM!

[@PamelaJohnson-mi3gd]

I did the same back. Bread crumbed me for months and then started dating someone else and didn’t even mention. Block, ghosted, just like I was ghosted. Hope it stings, but I seriously doubt it. He probably doesn’t even care.

[@777-h6n]

They are players😂

[@Priva_C]

You sound narcissistic with anxious attachment. Just saying, this ain't a saint or secure attachment move.

[@CleoWard]

When 'THEY' tell you WHO THEY ARE! Believe them! "Divine Intervention IS Divine Protection❣️"

[@doctorsilver3365]

This is great channel!

[@sandrayip4978]

Thank you, coach Ryan, and thank you to the viewers here who gave me words of support on previous comments. I miss my avoidant ex badly. The discard was excruciating, but I'm forgiving and very likely to let bygones be bygones and take this person back. I need this reminder. I shall save it to watch whenever I need more reminders. I think, if the avoidant does come back, I'll only let them be an ordinary friend, someone I'm not all that close to but I'm on good terms with. I doubt they'll come back, but in case they do, I have to reach a compromise between my head and my heart.

[@MSP2104]

If they come back, they’ll only come back once you have moved on and don’t care about them anymore. They’ll come back when you don’t want them back anymore.

[@olgarodionova634]

As 'friends' they only wanna benefit from you, their friendship is one-sided.

[@thendebele]

We started off strangers… We ended up worse 😢

[@777-h6n]

True😂

[@btwthblood]

You just described my ex and our relationship

[@juliewilson3960]

Bravo bravo Bravo with an excellent excellent video God I have to listen to this over and over and over again unfortunately but it is 200% correct

[@garywillett6396]

Thanks for giving me much-needed perspective about this person. Time to move on! ❤

[@faidee6197]

I got discarded recently after some resentment built up with him but he was really apologetic and looking to work on himself, I just hope he heals because I wouldn't wish this pain on even my enemy, my love was insulted

[@andybiddle9088]

Well, I would like to be friends if she reached out because she was so funny...But that's it! Any romantic feeling I had have evaporated. I bet I've done more work on her attachment style that her, by watching your videos and learning from them. My other therapy is getting tattooed. It may sound funny to most, but it's really helping me and its something else I can love and look forward to....Also, I don't have anyone telling me I have too many!!! 😂

[@__bbh9__]

I loved my avoidant and still loving her..

[@samdath3439]

I knew my ex was getting bored of our relationship towards the end.

[@Kazzas73]

No thanks! Stay the f away from me. Broken people need to fix themselves. Healthy people don’t want a “project”.

[@heatherhilderbrand7298]

Thank you for making these videos😊 They are so informative. You’re the best!

[@amymitchell1054]

Thank God above for your videos. This is precisely what happened in my situation

[@paige6304]

I needed to hear this. Thank you

[@anothercat9600]

Very good speech.

[@MistyParker-sv6ir]

I have been discarded 3 times. Never again. I only let him come back the second time because we share a child together.

[@MichelleMarieSpranger-v6h]

As a Christian, I believe in a continual evolution of emotional balance. I forgive my boyfriends (who are mostly avoidant as a love challenge). However, it is the greatest of complex behaviors that allow me to grow and become secure. I maintain as much contact with my partners (with distant communication as found in on-line videos and documentation) to help sustain love rather than misunderstanding or rejection.

[@maryamthefairy]

Do u want ur avoidant ex back? Me:- NO ABSOLUTELY NOT 👺

[@ketobodybuilder2482]

Not anymore. After 3 months im moving on in nc for good.

[@Heavenlysky89]

No thanks ,I'm already over him only after 1.5 months

[@mickey099]

@@Heavenlysky89 you keep watching videos though

[@AWA89r]

Nope! I don’t want him back! The more I think about him the more I hate him! 18 years wasted!

[@petedangerous9616]

What happened? What triggered him after 18 years or was he always avoidant?

[@AWA89r]

@@petedangerous9616 I had no choice he was avoidant a whole time! I came here to the us to marry him and he’s suddenly changed I thought he was just stress and depress but after google it’s either narcissistic or avoidant! I’m divorcing him!

[@TaurusMan68]

I totally understand your testimony. I can't even imagine your heartache. I am getting over a girl that discarded me after reconnecting with her after 32 years. 😢 We all can get stronger with time. I wish you the best. ​@AWA89r

Ever consider going back home, seems you married just for citizenship

[@stephensummers1958]

My DA wife of 18 1/2 years also left me. It’s been over 2 months now.

[@javireyes7333]

I Hope they have worked on themselves.

[@khudijabrohi7459]

my boyfriend has become an avoidant after his first toxic relationship and i have an anxious attachment style

[@CleoWard]

'Stand your ground!' I went thru this 50+ years ago (college)... then I made a mistake of sending a condolence card when his mother died - opened IT up all over again - bread crumbing - ghosting me again... I wish, Oh, HOW I Wish I had seen these videos! These 'people' are selfish and a POS!💩👿💩

[@brunalina2275]

Im not waiting for my ex avoidant at all

[@jillianhajdasz9752]

This is the first time in 6 years I don't. Ugh. It's pathetic reading that- 6 years. . . He actually just told me he put up with a lot from me . . . Sigh. I think I went through three discards, so that's embarrassing.

[@TheJavierTrejo]

6 discards… let’s stay strong for eachother

[@bigboss6867]

Been down this road hard, Coach. After a year of emotional hell, I finally asked that question to myself. It'd be a game that can't be won and if she wants to play for "fun". I'm gonna play for keeps with someone else.

[@gladiatoroui1897]

The first time he left me I was pregnant with his child, the second time is now…when I have moved 6k miles from Asia to uk…..away from my good life to build one with him……

[@mechedalmeriem7272]

Im sorry i hope you move on

[@brownell.landrum]

Sending you healing vibes no matter what happens.❤

[@sif4310]

same happened to me..

[@JEEPBABYB]

Dam😢that hit hard and was eye opening

[@MD-gk2un]

How can you ever be sure they have changed? Esp if they blocked you while in therapy for a whole year. You were gaslit and cheated on...how do you trust them again?

[@javireyes7333]

@@MD-gk2un we need to be checking all the time and not be pleasers. Set up a contract

[@brennam954]

You cannot trust someone like that again.

[@SanaDespiertayvive]

One of your patients did this to me. He's self-aware but not enough

[@fitnessmusic3329]

Best fucking channel in the world

[@jackiel7726]

👍💯👏👏 It really is He is awesome.

[@CarolineBlack-x3q]

Thanks coach! I loved him for 1.5 years and found out he cheated all way through. Now been replaced by younger girl he wasn't effected by breaking my heart. Can't help but think what is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Why doesn't he care

[@NewPhone-r6s]

They never care that's what they have learned since childhood Childhood trauma, only they can heal themselves, They think they can't share their emotions with anybody because it'll lead to rejection

[@NewPhone-r6s]

You're not responsible for their misbehavior, you did everything right

[@dingdongpoopoo7605]

Im so grateful for your videos

[@moodymoon212]

Itll be 2 months post bu on aug. 6. Im still in so much pain. He said hed never hurt me, that i wasnt going to lose him. I found him on dating apps immediately because i needed to know for sure. I love someone that feels nothing for me. I gave my soul completely and it just got stabbed and ripped apart. He only lives 8 mins away from me and its so hard sitting in my room wanting to just go over to him. I dont understand

[@mgtowsoldier8673]

Write a letter with all your feelings....and don't send it.....everyday you get stronger....if he does contact you....bare in mind they seldom change...because they will not admit they have a problem..

[@moodymoon212]

@mgtowsoldier8673 thank you, that's what I was doing for a bit. It's just hard for my brain to view this person that presented to be so nice genuine and loving to flip and be so cruel which creates the self blame. So hard to break that trauma bond.

[@kkh2015kkh]

:,( im dealing with the same situation

[@mgtowsoldier8673]

@moodymoon212 it's absolutely heartbreaking....I remember her saying she loved me and wanted to get married on the Saturday...by the following Saturday she was on social media with a new man...wtf....remember if your going through hell...keep on going...

[@dejaporter7338]

He told me the same thing

[@bellabezzina2816]

U made me cry I spent 2 days at home in bed feelinf crap

[@sally3024-h4c]

Me too

[@暗香晚风]

Just 2 days?? It's been more than 2 months but I never cry ! Because the pain has numbed my heart... If you do give them another chance, your Boundaries are your Sword and Shield, and keep their Feets on the FIRE ! They Must make up for their mistakes Seriously and Repent! Or your heart will be torn again, just Like last time and even more Painful !!

[@scutelnicalina1437]

I was discarded 3 months ago for the 7 th time….he just left aftet 7 years of relationship with no explanation 😢 i was very bad at the start couldn’t see nobody around me , but time Heals and unfortunately we have to let go people and things we love…. P.S. he never even asked me if im ok in all this 3 months That’s the answer……….

[@暗香晚风]

how poor girl ! you made me in tears..... 7 years and 7 times???

[@暗香晚风]

If you do give them another chance, your Boundaries are your Sword and Shield, and keep their feet on the fire! They must make up for their mistakes seriously and repent! Or your heart will be torn again, just like last time and even more painful !!

[@melissalavrisa4055]

Hes not coming back. 2.5 years i was stupid. His loss.

[@marguskiis7711]

Men always come back. Always

[@melissalavrisa4055]

His loss. I would be shocked if he did. His Karma will get him. ​@@marguskiis7711

[@Selin14.03]

@@marguskiis7711why do you think that?

[@marguskiis7711]

​@@Selin14.03 because if a man have had a woman he would have her forever, mentally. He has no problem to come back.

[@paulinewroth5487]

If they have a fear of intimacy how do they repeatedly cheat? They are full of selfish bullshit.

[@chantelnicole5107]

Sex doesn’t equate to intimacy. You can have sex and it not be intimate at all. It’s shallow.

[@NewPhone-r6s]

The second discard hurts even more because the universe slap on your face because you've to learn the same lesson again & again

[@TheXrader123]

I can’t get rid of the trauma bonding regardless of the awareness the BS I put up with :/ any tips appreicated

[@AnnaSus-q4g]

Me too, the traumabonding the harder part

[@暗香晚风]

If you do give them another chance, your Boundaries are your Sword and Shield, and keep their Feets on the FIRE ! They Must make up for their mistakes Seriously and Repent! Or your heart will be torn again, just Like last time and even more Painful !!

[@NederlandseGeschiedenis]

I want answers and a lot

[@duoma8630]

Thank you!

[@TheGreatestOfAllTime_444]

That is so true thank you so much ❤❤❤❤

[@CathyHinson]

Great video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her...

[@BrandonLong11]

It's difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.

[@CathyHinson]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do I reach her.?

[@BrandonLong11]

Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...

[@CathyHinson]

Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.

[@暗香晚风]

If you do give them another chance, your Boundaries are your Sword and Shield, and keep their Feets on the FIRE ! They Must make up for their mistakes Seriously and Repent! Or your heart will be torn again, just Like last time and even more Painful !!

[@nicolosmoffitt]

Idk if this guy is just bitter, but if I’m married to a person with this trait I can’t just now tell them after 6 years (and she wants a separation) that I can’t be with her because she has an avoidant personality

[@michaeltaylor5076]

He's not saying that. Watch his other video's. He's telling people like myself that was blindsided and discarded do you really want them back.. If you're married and see these traits this is where the hard conversation happens. Maybe both of you see a licensed therapist. Educate yourself about avoidants. This will definitely help your situation and give you some clarity. I hope everything works out. God bless you both. 🙏

[@Priva_C]

⁠having a therapist don't mean anything. There's millions of shady therapist looking to ramble in circles and cause more damage than good. Financially and emotionally. We're all screwed now that everything has a label and marketing attached to it. Narcissistic, avoidant, anxious, and the dozens of other variations. They've always existed but have never been marketed the way they are now. Just like politics and other things. It's doing more harm than good.

[@fadingfrontier]

Thank you

[@IWillBeSaved]

Yeah 😢

[@Ari-ih5un]

Can you make more videos on being friends with an avodiant ex who discarded you? Like when/when not to be friends, what boundaries to hold or condition it be under? I don't want to get hurt again if this possibility arises.

[@michaelbrannon1056]

Yes! I have a platonic friendship that was abandoned when the avoidant felt too close. I empathize with her childhood trauma and valued her friendship, but currently no contact with hopes she will seek therapy and face her behavior and heal herself.

[@hshfyugaewfjkKS]

Exes who become (Avoidant) friends do the same thing. It's not worth their 'friendship' and they still get access to how awesome you are? Nope. Don't do it.

[@暗香晚风]

My goodness! Stop fantasizing, although I know it's very painful for you, it's impossible to be friends, it's impossible....

[@暗香晚风]

If you do give them another chance, your Boundaries are your Sword and Shield, and keep their Feets on the FIRE ! They Must make up for their mistakes Seriously and Repent! Or your heart will be torn again, just Like last time and even more Painful !!

[@sally3024-h4c]

I've been to that dome house

[@gladiatoroui1897]

It’s been 8 months….

[@Katt-w3]

Hi coach Ryan. I have question for you. What happen if i was dating Morgan i starting seeing my ex boyfriend Stephen start to make emotional attachment to Stephen i when i know him from school to college by texting him and meeting up and talking to Stephen on phone and thinking about him and watching films with him without never never having no sex ? Is it emotional cheating plus does class emotional affair and my and Stephen history and past dating turn into emontinal cheating or not if i was dating Morgan? Is it emotional cheating or not?

[@brunalina2275]

Can someone tell me why my ex avoidant did not go to non contact? Everyday he txt me about his daily routine?

[@AliasGrace-q3v]

he needs an audience until he finds someone new or even whilst he is with someone new!

[@brennam954]

Avoidants tend to be transactional and rather selfish, which is consistent with their lack of emotional intelligence and lack of consideration for others' needs and boundaries (an extension of having no emotional intelligence). He's just using you so he can continue to get your attention and validation without meeting your needs and committing.

[@phuly5580]

You are right on!

[@brunalina2275]

@@brennam954 tks for z reply but you know he is not getting my attention at all he txt everyday telling about his daily routine all i reply nice or good thats ir

[@brunalina2275]

@@AliasGrace-q3v tks for your reply i agree cz when we went to z vacation 3 weeks ago for the first time the first 2days he was ok then he avoided me i was next to him in the bed and he was stuck on his mob flirting with someone i read some stuff he wrote with some red hearts

[@-Wreckanize-]

We ain’t coming back. You have to reach out.

[@dr1flush]

THIS IS NOT YOUR SIGN PEOPLE 😂

[@johndevivo8683]

Bye. Sorry I’m no longer willing to be in a relationship that has no commitment, no stability, no safety while I just love the unhealed person. Sorry I’m not willing to cater, and neglect myself while nothing changes cause you don’t self reflect and work on yourself. Sorry I care to relaxed in a relationship where I can focus on myself. Reach out? Yup while you continue to take no responsibility. Been there. Done that. And it was really painful while you just panicked and ran. And I’m going to do it again. No. I will keep watching this video over and over til I get it in my thick head

[@ivangolubic1788]

keep living in your world. i feel sorry for anyone who cant feel love, or be loved...

[@-Wreckanize-]

@@ivangolubic1788 what does that have to do with me?

[@DemocracyFirst2025]

She reached out last Saturday w/ nice text about meeting up later in the week to retrieve belongings. She wants to get back together. But then sent me a video at 2 AM of a rowdy club. Frustrated and hurt, I dropped her belongings off unannounced a wk ago today. Been in NC again ever since. Now I’m afraid she’s too afraid to reach out again. Waiting desperately by the phone all wk, stomach in knots. I’m pathetic.

[@Priva_C]

A lot of good kind hearted successful single father's are avoidants. Imagine having to put out fires all day in your high demanding career, followed by house and parenting chores with no help whatsoever, followed by having to entertain your woman over the phone or text because you know they'll call you an avoidant or they'll simply react and Dump you. Story of my life...I'm so damn tired of this and really just want to avoid it all... Except my kids and hard earned career. I wish I had a good woman to share a life with but the timeline isn't fast or slow enough for everyone.

[@gregorystinette8271]

There goes that yo Boi hat again.....

[@javireyes7333]

I do want him back.

[@vodacoma1747]

Why..

[@javireyes7333]

@@vodacoma1747 because I love too many things in him. And I know what made him this way and where he could find resources for healing. And if he wants to put the work in it, he could go a long way.

[@javireyes7333]

@@vodacoma1747 probably ´cause I am anxious 😬 and I think I will never meet someone who matches my tastes on so many levels. Maybe I should pray 🤲🏼 for God to send me the same but better.

[@nickus51]

The things you love in him are probably the exact same things you are lacking, but wish you had in yourself. Focus on that. I once heard the best advice possible: Write down a list of what you want and value in others and then become that list.

[@Shornandkenny]

I also want her back. Fuck!

[@javireyes7333]

I’d love to be able to talk about our fears.

[@marizelusares9516]

God is the only healer. Just entrust his/her healing entirely to Mother Mary and our dear Lord Jesus Christ!

[@暗香晚风]

AMEN

[@JustMe-ki3ce]

🙌

[@Assenre1494]

I wish the avoidant wasn't my babydaddy smh

[@rjmilitante2787]

Why is being cautious around relationships a character flaw? But diving into relationships is somehow ok?

[@nannoreul]

Neither are okay. You don’t understand avoidance if that’s what you think it is.

[@Molmanorte]

So what? Are you weak? You can't get discarded twice you weakling?

[@marguskiis7711]

You talk basically about all women nowadays.

[@ketobodybuilder2482]

They are sneaky and cheat often. They only care about themselves in the moment.

[@sif4310]

i loved him dearly and he discarded me while i was pregnant from him...please dont say its all about women...i am in ruins and he does not even care...

[@marguskiis7711]

​@@sif4310 men come back if woman is happy with someone else.

[@dr1flush]

@@marguskiis7711it’s not all women. maybe you’re gravitating towards these avoidant women.

[@marguskiis7711]

​@@dr1flush I prefer the confident strong women yes.

[@davemaurer7341]

Last week, she discarded me for the 5th time.... perfect for 3 months, and something along with her weed and alcohol triggered her at a Reggae concert, she was so cold telling me," I don't wanna dance with you, I don't even want to be with you, ByeBye"..... I walked away.... haven't heard a word, something triggered her.... My heart is so broken again, and yes it is as hard as the first time..... I want to hate her.... but I love her so much ...and that is the problem.... She monkey branches to loser men that don't respect or elevate her, just pump and dump, she gets her validation and then leaves em.. She's 54 yrs old, time to grow the fuck up and accept love!! 😢

[@marguskiis7711]

She is not avoidant. She is just a 54 yo female junkie, a drama addict. I suggest you to take yourself additional lover, some younger. She will come back sooner than you think.

[@MSP2104]

@@marguskiis7711I see three emotionally immature people here, the woman may be bipolar and the man that’s complaining seems co-dependent.

[@Giovanna-b1r]

No

[@jackiel7726]

THANK YOU!! Your videos are so helpful to me They help me so much. 🙏 ❤️‍🩹😔

[@暗香晚风]

How Cool! If you do give them another chance, your Boundaries are your Sword and Shield, and keep their feet on the fire! They must make up for their mistakes seriously and repent! Or your heart will be torn again, just like last time and even more painful !!

[@暗香晚风]

My Boundaries are my Sword and Shield, and keep your feet on the fire! You must take make-up lessons, there is no room for negotiation... Sorry

[@limitlessbodysculpting9874]

Thank you

[@maristella525]

Thank you