Asian Doesn’t Start with A+ | Olivia Lai | TEDxPhillipsAcademyAndover

Asian Americans are often stereotyped as the 'model minority' and are seen as perfect students that are good at math, piano, and violin, for example. Although these are positive stereotypes, Olivia Lai explores the negative consequences of these expectations and what we can do to alleviate pressures on Asian-American students.
Olivia Lai is a freshman at Phillips Academy in Andover, MA.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@lovekoreanpride]

one thing i hate (being an asian american) is that my hard work is brushed away. when i do well it's "because she's asian" rather than "because she worked hard". it really drains away my motivation

[@lizzieb1318]

keoul that must be really hard. I'm not Asian but lots of people think getting good grades comes very easily to me.. but in reality I've worked hard all my life. I can relate!

[@jinhopark5232]

I used to be very affected by this until I realized that you don't need other's praise to keep on doing well. Aren't you working hard for your success, not for compliments?

[@angela6779]

I'm Asian American as well and I feel the same way. I don't want people to think that I did well because I'm a certain race but because I worked hard. Sometimes I want to rebel but I just can't...

[@blobkatt]

keoul, me too.

[@kiki-chan5067]

keoul don't worry about them, they say those words because they don't know anything about reality, only people who don't travel or have many different experience with cultures can say that, trust me. I am a chinese who has lived in italy since I was 6 years old, and trust me, EVERY SINGLE TIME I excelled in something they wouldn't compliment me but rather say it's thanks to my being chinese....well of course I don't get angry at them bc I know they are somewhat joking but it still hurts a little bc I worked hard, studied and everything but no one realizes that. Now, after 1

[@sophiacho5149]

I'm a Korean student who attends an American School and there is an award for getting all good grades for your subject. I have this weird mindset that I am supposed to and expected to get that award. But my parents don't even mind if I don't get any awards. It's just my mind acknowledging the stereotypes of an Asian and feeling like I should be a high achiever in academics. I really appreciate the message that is given out in this speech.

[@via45]

Sophia Cho I don't think that is the case, if you get high grades and are a good student. Then you may get the award, as everyone wants to achieve in life I don't think that your desire to be successfully is due to some stereotype.

[@ahyunkim7706]

I'm Korean as well. It's upsetting how people think everything is "easy" for me because I'm Asian. It's tiring to live with stereotypes.

[@tiasm919]

Sophia Cho same thing here,i am an indonesian,when i was still in primary school,teachers keep saying that we should achieve great scores to make our parents happy and proud cuz that the only thing we could do while still in school,eventhough out parents didn't say they're proud,they are...said the teachers

[@timelessd9096]

I have an IQ of 165 and it was easy for me, without studying hard, to achieve As. I was a very lazy student who didn't work hard. All throughout my life, I consider myself very lucky. After graduation, I worked for 5 years and went into business and from a $20k investment, I earned tens of millions (at this stage in life). Somehow, to me, life has been a breeze.

[@georgemichaelz262]

Ah, I believe you might be referring to what is called the "fixed mindset" vs "growth mindset" belief systems. Just google or youtube it. Very very insightful.

[@naeebrooks3796]

Every student should be expected to achieve regardless of race, economic situation, or life.

[@lovekoreanpride]

Naee Brooks people don't always have the means or tools to achieve (especially in regards to economic situation). they are always extraneous factors to consider

[@rainbowpancakes9795]

Naee Brooks But a B shouldn't be considered an F. It's should be considered hard work and at least trying.

[@kayyuan1467]

you sound so Jesus

[@cylaikamanangan2400]

Rainbow Pancakes In my family(asian) if you get a B you are expected to do extra credit or even stay after school to raise your grade, having a B is considered low and when you have a A- you should try your hardest to raise it to atleast an A bacause that is basically the brink of getting a B which is bad

[@michelles7601]

Rainbow Pancakes What percentage is a B to you, if I may ask?

[@helior1118]

When you're literally an Asian who is the laziest person they know.

[@danielyung8746]

Same bro

[@notyou379]

same lmao

[@bridgetyu5403]

honestly same

[@zanianguyen6222]

lmao fuckkn same ; i wake up at 5pm and dont study.. oops?

[@MS-ql9he]

Relate and we have the same last name lol

[@mirabella6086]

I thought the title was saying that the word Asian didn't start with an A.. I was like wtf does it start with then???

[@anniesong951]

That is hilarious!

[@annandale_usa]

Annie Song Annie, what is your Asian name?

[@anniesong951]

What do you mean Asian name?? Like my name in an asian language?

[@lilpenes6440]

Kim SADLER errrr it's Asian not F-sian

[@collionsityzx_7490]

mirabella same

[@elleryrillaine]

There's this mind set in my class that everyone is really afraid to raise their hand and answer the teacher's question because every one of us is scared of what'll happen if we say the wrong answer. Sometimes we overthink that everyone will laugh at us and the pressure is really high if you're well-know to be good in a specific subject. I was called the "human dictionary" in my class since I knew hard words that they didn't and whenever I can't give them the definition of the word I would panic. I think the most thing we're (some) scared about is failure and when we don't meet everyone's expectations. My teachers had urged everyone to not be afraid but it's really hard if it's been imprinted to your brain since kindergarten. 😔

[@georgemichaelz262]

Why is failure and making mistakes seen as a negative all the time?? Isn't it true failure and mistakes are a part of the learning process? If you don't understand something, why should you be fearful of putting up your hand and asking questions?? There is after all a big difference between looking smart or great vs becoming smart or great at something. And it takes effort, hard work, and the willingness to make the required mistakes in order to become great at whatever it is we are passionate to learn.. ...

[@EmilyChangyaaassssomgsoawesome]

Ellery Rillaine I just say my answer as a question and not a statement so that if I get it wrong, it'll seem like I was unsure of myself anyway.

[@marianiequilatan9906]

Ellery Rillaine ur like my doormate in sms....she's also called the human dictionary...

[@johndoe8854]

its true, but school system teaches the opposite

[@Namukags]

Most of my classmates aren't afraid of failure, but I am. Since I'm good at every lessons, my classmates expect a perfect answer from me. So my biggest fear is like "What if I fail? What if I disappoint my parents?..." Even more, there are things that I can't do too. Especially PE lesson for me. I want to play basketball or volleyball I know I can if I practise but it feels so bad when I make mistake, it's so terrible when you're the lacking one in a team. For that reason, I don't even do what I want.

[@symphonysyncere8882]

I know exactly what this is like. Whenever I get the occasional lower grade, everyone has to rub it in my face that they did better.

[@acistar4862]

I can totally relate to this. I’m Asian American and I feel pressure everyday. After every test, my classmates would crowd around my desk asking me what my score was. If my score was lower than anyone else’s, they’d think they were some sort of genius. It makes me wish I never had good grades to begin with. My brain gets overridden with thoughts about failing and it really stresses me out. Honestly, I’m terrified to fail now.

[@wesuckatgames9549]

"What did you get on the test?" "86%" "Ha! I got 100%! " "Shut up you Jew" True story

[@averyspecificshadeofblue4106]

Same... My 'friends' (even my mom does not approve of them or their parents) are so competitive.

[@emilyl3358]

Yes, the competition is real. When someone beats an Asian it's a big accomplishment. When an Asian beats someone then it's considered to be expected.

[@Amber-qn5fh]

symphony syncere that happens to me too... and im american... Technically this could happen to anyone

[@billwong6077]

well done! I am an Asian American myself. I definitely felt this kind of pressure a lot myself as I went through high school, undergrad, and postgrad studies. Now that I am a professional as an occupational therapist, I still sometimes feel this way. I remembered when I am being mentored in my professional field, the positive stereotypes definitely played a role in my mentors' expectations. Yes, after some initial struggles, I have began to surpass my mentors' expectations (including being on the TEDx Talk for the second time later this month.) But, I agree that it is important to get to know each student (or mentee in professional worlds) for who they are with good understanding for their strengths and weaknesses. I think it is important for each student (or mentee) to have just right level of expectations placed on them to keep them motivated and strive to be the best they can be.

[@nruei]

I'm a second generation Asian American senior in high school. My parents expect me to become an engineer or doctor after going to a prestigious college. I am the generic Asian stereotype. I play piano. I practice karate. I have a perfect unweighted GPA and took 10 AP classes in high school. I want to have a stable job in engineering and make hundreds of thousands of dollars without fighting for a job with a million unemployed psychology majors or prospective History teachers. It's easier to just study hard and move up in the world that way. I don't want to have a fun job that only makes 60K a year. I don't want to help the world be a better place by traveling with the Peace Corps. I also don't have the ambition to become Bill Gates or Warren Buffet. I just want to make enough money to live a comfortable upper middle class life, retire relatively early, and die. Maybe I've already been brainwashed. I don't care. The generic Asian stereotype seems to me, the best way to live life.

[@sherrywu6598]

Bill Wong same

[@LeWanjun]

High five

[@sherrywu6598]

Mafu Mafurun yeah same

[@siavij9280]

Bill Wong 555 likes :o

[@maansnow5418]

I'm Asian and I am not good at Math,in fact I hate Math.

[@bleedinghe4rt]

Ha! So true.

[@averyspecificshadeofblue4106]

Reading is my passion and I got 850 for my reading skills :(. The highest is 1000.

[@srkn5721]

Stop lying to make yourself look normal. We all know you Asians love Math.

[@user-hs7kz7vp6j]

Mark RN No.Not everyone like Mathematics Besides my country has so many people hate the Mathematics

[@santoriomaker69]

Guys..... I really love math, I love playing the piano (cuz I freaking love Yiruma's music), I don't know how to play a violin but I'm interested to learning one, and I'm an Asian. Well not the Japan, China, Korea asian, but the rest of the Asian countries asian. BUT, I seem to be the ONLY person on my school that passionately loves Math in a way that I'm ALWAYS interested to any subject ever, yes, I'M the only one. But I can tell you that the rest of the students are suffering from Math. I can't tell you HOW many of my classmates and students are WILLING to get a copy of my answers from assignments and/or solutions to help them. It's really tiring to teach all 30 of my classmates (plus other students in other sections) one by one.

[@farfara27]

Wondering if 70% or more of the views are from Asians 😂 I'm one also

[@Hiep156]

You are not the only one lol. Where are you from anyway? (It is okay if you don't want to tell me hahaha)

[@melindaj6870]

Bam Whip Yup 😂 I'm Asian-American, when I was scrolling through the comments I constantly saw people say "I'm asain (or Asian-American)" or something like that 😂 I have NEVER seen so many Asians in one videos comments 😂😂 possibly 80 or 90% of the ppl here are asain 😂😂

[@burnt_onigiri2338]

Bam Whip guilty Asian American...

[@averyspecificshadeofblue4106]

Me too, the is my third comment also.

[@shiza5617]

Half Brazilian and Asian here lol

[@candilei5809]

I know this may not apply to every Asian... but to me sometimes I think if I can live up to that stereotype of being an Asian who's good at Math and does well at school, I feel proud of myself. And not just for Asians, everyone who succeeds in achieving what you want should feel proud too!

[@AstroInvasionGaming]

I feel like sometimes it can be a positive stereotype - people expect you to succeed, so you try harder to meet peoples' expectations! Even though it can sometimes be stressful, I think that this can help you achieve. but never forget - you can't spell success without succ

[@jaeyounglee5410]

Waisze Lei i cant, i had a c in English in 5th grade.

[@icantthinkofausername8964]

+Irene Lee Your 5th grade had grades like A, A+, etc.? Lucky, I iwsh I had that just so it's more specific than a 4, 3 , 2,1.

[@lesliegrouper9670]

Waisze Lei Same, lol.

[@TheoCynical]

Yeah but, you shouldn't live up to stereotypes but your own ability to succeed because you put in your work and know your best learning abilities.

[@my.vu_]

As an Asian American it's really annoying when your parents need so much to be proud! All we get is a "oh good job, but you could have been student of the year of the whole, instead of for just 6th grade." Like what!!!! Really???

[@my.vu_]

Whole school*^^^

[@thienyeggroll1346]

Throwback to when I was student of the year in 5th grade

[@phillytran6719]

Right??? Like if I got all 100's and help around the house the only thing I get is half a Big Mac lmao

[@lucthien601]

In true you don't do it for your parent , you do it for YOU . So don't cry when you grow up and can have hard time to take care your self .

[@conbro0985]

my vu Are woo doctor yet. Come back when you doctor

[@helendang8017]

Thank you.

[@trinityn1515]

I'm an Asian American. People: ARE YOU CHINESE?????? Me: nope People: Japanese? Me: nope People: Korean? Me:nope People: WHAT ARE YOU?? Me: a person. __________________________________ Friend: WOW! your so good at drawing :3 Me: Because I watch YouTu- Friend: because your Asian and apparently Asians are smart and awesome

[@bleedinghe4rt]

Its really annoying when people ask that question -.-

[@pandahannah]

Tri Mythical I hate it when you are talented in something that you worked really hard on, and people just assume it's because you are Asian and brush all your work away.

[@averyspecificshadeofblue4106]

You just insulted a Asian

[@averyspecificshadeofblue4106]

Hi I am replying to my own reply!

[@trinityn1515]

Eunice Molina ikr.

[@aditi1708]

This girl across the country understands me better than my parents

[@tyle5594]

asian grading scale Alright Below Average Cant eat dinner Don't come home Find a new family

[@ashleyching3166]

Tea Leaf PERFRCT

[@ashleyching3166]

Oops!

[@sapheare1270]

Disowned

[@fionafiona1146]

I am glad we don't have letter based grades but know there are problems with schooling and its reception even outside the USA.

[@piept4651]

@@sapheare1270 not owning in the first place

[@qwertykookie5780]

In my school, I was one of the top students in my grade. My friends always thought that I would get into ever single academic event in school, because I was Asian. My classmates would always ask me what my grades were at the end of the term, so then they can compare to me. When I told them that in elementary, the lowest grade I ever got was an A- they said "Because you're Asian! Of course you would stay in the A range!" I knew that wasn't right. Then, in 4th grade, I had gotten a lot of awards. I had placed second in the Schoolwide Geography Bee, I lost to an Asian who was in 8th grade. I had won gold in the Schoolwide Speech Festival. I received the "builder of the month" which was a really high award you can get at my school, like EXTREMELY high. I also got into the High Honor Roll out of 4 people in my grade. I received perfect attendance and citizenship also. My friends expected me to get the same awards in fifth grade also. Then, in 5th grade, I had missed the passing grade to get into the Schoolwide Geography Bee. My friends were confused and said "You lost to a white person?! An ASIAN lost to a WHITE" and I felt so stereotyped. I thought that I didn't work hard enough, even though I missed qualifications by one. I had gotten into the speech festival again, but I didn't win, and ended up losing to a white person. Again, I was stereotyped and teased about me being beat by someone other than an Asian. Asians are expected to be the perfect human, but we aren't. We are just like everybody else in this world. Even though we might have been the top one year, it doesn't mean we will be the top the next. Thanks for taking the time to read this. ☺️

[@stephaniemoon9459]

hello world BTS ARMYYYYY

[@svmathtutor]

The worst part is that after proving that you deserve to get into an Ivy League school, you will get punished by the college admission system for being Asian. All those people you beat in those competitions will get into top colleges while you will get rejected due to the penalty against Asian applicants.

[@captainlevi4284]

You did so well 💜

[@baran6901]

"If the scientist who builds the rocket makes one mistake, the whole ship EXPLODES"

[@lulumakaronie3182]

Kim Kardashian Un. OOOHHH YEEEESSSSS!!!! MY DAD EVERY (!) DAY

[@users4007]

Not my parents

[@ESC_jackqulen]

Asian American. Good at math. Yes, I fall into the stereotype, but the part I can related the most is the part where I *NEVER* ask for help. During my college years, things like professor's office hours and TA-led study sessions were all useful resources that I could have utilized, but I rarely did. As much they helped me, I never feel the encouragement to go because it makes me feel like admitting that I'm not good enough. It gets very bad because I'm a passive introvert and I really need these handholding by mentors. I'm happy that the current research lab I work in are small enough and my boss would work closely to my supervisor and me to make sure I'm on the right track several times a week, but I'm still learning to speak up for the help I need and deserve, for my future career.

[@zako8424]

What you describe is me... chills What i Learn is dont be afraid to ask others for help. It'll help you improve on what your doing.

[@crazycreeper3653]

thats 100% also me

[@pahoellyyy]

I'm an Asian raised with the same mindset that asking for help is a sign of weakness. I've only realized recently that this could not be further from the truth - in fact, it takes an immense amount of strength and courage to openly admit your mistakes and open up to better suggestions.

[@dripminic]

"Blood Type B? Failure running through your veins." Thanks dad

[@tinapham1810]

I am and asian myself but i live in Australia. I am Vietnamese and i also feel very pressured. I am in Year 6, and i am pressured to make it into a selective high school. Even though i am good at math, i still don't have the confidence to say so. My friends come up to me and ask me math questions. Because i feel so pressured and cramped, i would most likely get it wrong. I hate that I'm an asian australian, but I'm sure ill be grateful in the future. FOR THOSE WHO ARE DISAPPOINTED THAT THEY ARE ASIAN, BE POSITIVE AND LIVE YOUR LIFE. YOU WILL APPRECIATE IT IN THE FUTURE, IM SURE OF IT.

[@michelleyoungeunhong4054]

I totally agree with you. I'm living in Australia as well. However, I didn't grow up here and came here after being an adult. Learning second language after you become an adult is not easy as everyone knows. I sometime think that I wish I came to AUS earlier and envy of someone who grew up here or came to here when they were little. Even though many Asian who live in other countries get a lot of stress and pressures, they'll probably think that they were lucky to be able to grow up in overseas like the US or AUS. Get confidence and be proud of yourself, although you're a disappointment to others who expect you to be the best in Whites or Blacks or even other Asian. I hope all Asian who live in other countries, are happy and are not under any pressure and stereotype. :)

[@physicsboy10]

Tina Pham Tina, i wanna ask you things about english, would you like to befriend with me?

[@users4007]

I’m good at math but I hate math

[@srishsajeev]

This girl voiced my thoughts so well.. I'm indian and eventhough I am not so much 'expected' from others to do well at school (luckily) I am so pressured from all people around me: parents, family friends, grand parents, etc. Ever since I was small my mum would always tell me how well others are doing but I'm always sad because I can never meet that expectation because I'm dumb. Even if I know I'm not that bad since I get good grades but I wish I could get the best... This sort of thing has rlly has me to overworking and compramising my health without really being aware I was, but I was told by my parents that it's normal to not eat, get enough sleep etc. And I also even felt suicidal from when I started high school. But I'm not brave enough to actually do something like that: I'm too concerned with what other people think even if I'm dead lol. But anyway I I have learnt now to just do what I can and work for best even if I can never achieve it.

[@eliana_floyd]

When I get good grades or an award, people don't even compliment me. They just say, "it must be the asian in ur blood" or "she only got it right because she's asian". what if i did well because i worked hard for it?!!

[@minalindaoh9847]

This is so very sad but true. Self-worth, self-esteem and even being recognized as being "a worthy individual in society" amongst Asians, can be measured based upon grades, which school one goes to, if it's even an Ivy, what degreeS they get, how much they make, who they marry, if they are Asian, White or "just another minority", where they live, what they drive, and then the process starts all over by judging their kids and their accomplishments- if they're a child prodigy, what activities are they number 1 at, etc. Not all first generation Asian and second generation Asian American families are like this, but even in 2017, this superficial mentality of expectations are obvious when you hear parents talking to their kids, etc. It can be a dialogue as simple as, "Who were you on the phone with? Oh, are they a guy or girl? Oh, what do they do? Where did they go to school? How old are they? What do their parents do? ............... Well, spend time with them less/more.." etc. It's ridiculous, it's sad, but at the same time, it's also what has pushed us to stay up those late nights going the extra 10 miles that others don't. It's what makes us stand out. It's what has made us successful in a sense, but it also is a factor in our high suicidal rates as well. Our families just want us to be the best, ESP because we ARE minorities. I think Asian parents are trying to affirm in the best ways that THEY know how, what will most likely guarantee [in their minds] a successful/comfortable lifestyle for their kids [using one's brain to make money], or having to work hard/physical labor jobs to bring food to the table [hence, the emphasis on making high grades, getting into the best schools and marrying someone that comes from an established and "good" family with a good title]. Sometimes their love and worry for us to do so well damages our self-esteem in the process, but we have to remember that they only mean well. It does not mean that it's okay, but rather, while expressing how harsh the culture is, I think we need to step back and also ask ourselves if we would be more appreciative of a culture that is more lackadaisical instead. It's talks like this that is progressive in trying to change the perspectives of our generation so that we aren't so harsh on our kids. :) However it's imp to remember that our parents probably survived a war [Korean, Vietnam, etc] and probably worried about their next meal or whether their siblings would survive, etc, so naturally, any parent would want their children to avoid suffering and having to worry about they things they worried about while growing up, in the ways that they did. They just want us to have the comfortable lifestyle that they've never had, and bc they want that so bad, their standards for us regarding education, etc and the ways they enforce habits that result in success, is seemingly ridiculously harsh. I do admit that depression is quite common amongst Asians but in the end, I think after we've all reached the goal that our parents/we want to reach, we can look back and tweak the ways that we will shre the same values to our children in future generations. Parents and cultures do adapt so this message was very refreshing and encouraging to listen to. It's comforting knowing that there are others out there that feel the same way regardless of how "put together" Asians seem to look in public. :) Thanks so much Olivia! :)

[@XxAmiIzunexX]

Mina Oh very well put c:

[@thienyeggroll1346]

Sarah Kamil Ivy League schools

[@averyspecificshadeofblue4106]

So true I am inspired to write a book about it. JK though I am inspired Mina Oh.

[@indijimenez]

Mina Oh w

[@garyniii]

I think this is the best comment about everything there is to say on this topic. Thank you, Mina

[@ThiefPlaysMC]

I'm literally depressed for being Asian and having horrible expectations for myself. This girl explained everything extremely well and really reached out with the thoughts of Asian-Americans. The pressure is seriously real here and personally, I don't even have a moment to take a breath and calm down due to my academics and grades.

[@zhangyixingprotectionsquad3127]

"perfect kids in school"????? oml wth I watch Vlive and Kdrama in class and don't listen at all. perfect kids in school yehet.

[@poof185]

ZhangYiXing Protection Squad LOL

[@marimokid9985]

ZhangYiXing Protection Squad yehet! ohorat! this is me

[@mee3213]

LMAO!!! I was just thinking that maybe half of us Asian kids are probably Kpop or Kdrama fans and we don't care of grades at all!! HAHAHA

[@suraiyanishat6683]

LMAOAOOA

[@suraiyanishat6683]

I foUND MY PEOPLE!!!

[@xiaowang6408]

LOL I am bad at math and i dont get A's.

[@omytouma6235]

Xiao Wang ayyeee me too *high fives*

[@marimokid9985]

omytouma eyyyyyy lemme joiiiin mah squadddd

[@finsamps5118]

Xiao Wang You're not alone haha

[@leexin8995]

Xiao Wang saaame and I almost failed my science and Chinese *cries in a corner*

[@notyou379]

SAME!?

[@kevincao9535]

played piano when you were 7? Not good enough

[@zhangyixingprotectionsquad3127]

Kevin Cao Hahahahahahahahahahhaha oml so tru 👌

[@marimokid9985]

ZhangYiXing Protection Squad hahahahahahahahhahaha

[@gloriachien6556]

lol asian played piano since 6 fight me XD

[@christineh7735]

Played piano since 3 FIGHT MEHHHHHH

[@jas_shu3904]

Christine H played piano since 10 defeat meh XD

[@missminecraft4049]

And some people are still like: Person1: Hi Person2: Hi Person1: Are you Asian Person2: Well that's a weird question, but ok Person1: Are you Chinese Person2: No I'm Singaporean Person1: But I thought you were Chinese cause you were Asian Person2: There are different types of "Asian." Person1: But Asia is part of China, right Person2: No, China is part of Asia Person1: Ok but do you speak Chinese Person2: Yeah Person1: Can you translate my K-pop songs for me? Person2: No. I don't speak Korean. Person1: Aren't they the same thing?!

[@Buydaa.M]

I hate it when they say " aren't they the same thing"... that's really offensive...

[@crazycreeper3653]

"I'M NOT CHINESE I'M ASIAN THERE IS A DIFFERENCE " "AND NO I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ THAT" "THERE IS NOT A ALPHABET IN "CANTONESE" SO I DON'T KNOW YOUR NAME IN CANTONESE make your own" I say this things a lot when someone ask me a related question to something Asian

[@BaoNguyen-tw4kj]

I just want to state that Singaporean can mean many things.

[@emmants3925]

She is so articulated and well spoken. I wish I could deliver a presentation as great as this.

[@AC-uo7cu]

Thank you for you're honesty and sincerity. Very brave to speak about matters that we all deal with in our communities. It' time to set free from false ideals and expectations.

[@yophyooo18]

it's really good to have these people express their inner thoughts and recount their experiences that people should hear and learn from. I really learnt something new from these people featured in the Ted talks

[@greatnesss8747]

Coming from an Asian. I love the fact that society has high expectations for us. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[@stickerhappying]

She is literally me except I'm Filipino instead of Chinese

[@bleedinghe4rt]

Same

[@jenixelle8298]

Juvia Lockser same

[@dezzydream]

I'm not even Asian, and my parents treat me like I must achieve or I am a failure. They don't want me to do what I love, which is to sing and dance, they want me to make money. I wish they knew how much I've wanted to end my life because of their standards.

[@suzemingyue9115]

they thought they are giving you the perfect future but they failed to give you the perfect childhood. I understand

[@aaronberns8485]

I am a white American, but she really read my mind on what my problem is. I set my expectations up way too high. I spend hours practicing difficult piano music and get angry for not doing well on difficult subjects and I will feel less competitive to others. I suffer from Asperger’s Syndrome and I think this speech is greatly connected to this. It is a toxic mindset. This video changed me. Thanks Olivia.

[@MultiWilliam15]

From Pre-School to High School I always had honors. Back in early elementary school, my parents would be proud and amazed. But later on, they adapted these academic expectations, and every honor/awards I got was 'meh' for them. When I attended a top university and I had average (but not failing) grades, they asked me if I could still handle university work (low key wanting me to go to a community college bc they wanted me to be on the top) and at that point, I feel like they've been accustomed to me being an honor student that being an average student in a top university is already bad news.

[@milkis9098]

I relate to this so much. Im a Korean adoptee raised in a white family. People expect me to be the top of the class, the perfect student, straight As. Im not perfect. Im not going to be a doctor or a lawyer. I will not be the perfect student. I turn in assignments late, and i have a hard time grasping certain concepts. I will never be perfect. So why does everyone tell me that's how im supposed to be?

[@rosaisha833]

Aye. Same goes for me too. I’m Vietnamese and was adopted into a really nice family. However, my adopted family, media, peers and even school has brought me down constantly. “Oh you’re asian, right? You must be really advanced in school” when I say no they’re shocked. I’m not an A+ student because I have certain mental problems that effects my work. I remember this one time I wanted to be a hero in a game we were playing. “No. Aren’t Asians supposed to be genius sidekicks?” It really sucks knowing that people judge me on race and stereotype rather then personality.

[@rosaisha833]

N GUY it’s great because I live a very comfortable life. However, I still have questions of who I am and how I came to be.

[@rosaisha833]

N GUY but be proud of who you are

[@rosaisha833]

N GUY but I can’t relate to my friends because I’m not biologically my parents daughter.

[@Jacob_Roberts]

Olivia, thank you for your insight. I tutor Vietnamese students at the library, and your insight really helps me to do a better job of emotionally supporting them.

[@srishtisingh761]

beautifuly put together, I'm with the motion

[@typingnoises]

I get a high grade: That's good. Kid sitting next to me: OH MY GOSH your SO LUCKY

[@misopark4055]

I love this video it made me rethink a lot of instances which I was put in

[@BamBam-ib6qk]

Very well said! Tons of good points. Great job !

[@maplehockeylove6339]

This is exactly how I feel and I'm frustrated at how difficult it is to explain this to people who aren't Asian

[@miaghiflower2383]

I'm very proud of myself for be a Asian person.....😍😍

[@blobkatt]

I am also Asian American, and I remember when I got my first "1" in school. I remember crying for almost an hour, since I felt like I had to be perfect.

[@TheAdele4life]

omg I relate so much. This is truly inspiring.

[@janeliao2389]

Thank you so much for giving this talk Olivia i saw it a few days ago and since then have been reflecting, long story short ive decided to be easier on myself instead of holding those sky high standards ive been brought up with

[@Mary-up3ex]

I am not Asian but this applies to me in every single way. I hate my self for it. I want to change to be who I am but I can't. I am stuck in this mold created for me by peers, friends, and families.

[@curerz]

I am an African Asian and I can agree, this 100% Asian who is Indian keeps taking my #1 spot in school! I'm stuck in #2!

[@_Wai_Wai_]

I was 3rd in my class when graduating high school. I felt ok with that.

[@chaelisa]

FW Poon dude thats hard. how many spanks did you get?

[@danpt2000]

actually didn't get much spanks, just didn't want to disappoint my dad.

[@nanaosei6613]

Bared Sorry what is an African Asian? Do u mean ur parents are from Africa but u were born in Asia ?

[@curerz]

Dad from Africa, mom from Asia.

[@hinata5477]

I remember crying myself to sleep because I failed one exam one freaking exam and didn't know how to tell my mom because maybe she would think that i'm a failure I even cried at school when I got my paper , but because of that I use it as my motivation to succeed and as my mom always say ''Knowledge is the only thing I can give you that can not be stolen by others''

[@FeraligatrGaming03]

I RELATE TO THIS SO MUCH THIS IS SO WELL SAID

[@anonofDeath]

Every Indian Parents dad: Why you no get the A+ me: A is the highest grade in my school dad: *gets belt anyway*

[@itzcortex5327]

LLLLLLLOOOOL BHHAHA YIU MADE MY DAY

[@Mary-up3ex]

@@baongocton5962 me too not Indian nor Asian but can relate

[@amulyaganti6416]

Im india too lmao Me: so i got 99% in languages- Mom: where is one percent? Me: our language teacher says that they aren't supposed to- Mom: you stop. Ever since you were a baby me and ur dad have paid school fees and you can't get 100% also? Huh? *continues lecture*

[@deathgamer8086]

im chinese i told my dad i got 88%in physics. my dad: try next time

[@akashpatel8410]

I don't why but I feelings kinda lucky now

[@pranavyarlagadda2143]

one time I got a B and then I was referred to as the "white Indian"

[@JackieBay]

You are amazing. Keep up with the good work.

[@TakeKareMusic]

Such wisdom and inspiration!

[@vye6737]

You don't know how much I relate to this. Whenever I tell someone that I want to go to art school, the look I receive from some people...almost like because of my race, I'm suppose to be a doctor or engineer, and do something analytical rather than creative. Even my parents are guilty of this. When I first told them that I wanted to be a game artist, they immediately tried to steer me away to a better, "more Asian" aspiration. Now, eve though they've accepted the fact that I'm not your typical Asian girl, they still cling to the hope that I'd magically become a version of myself that's not gonna happen. Sorry, but I'm not gonna become amazing at math suddenly, and become an engineer. Also, it's not always that us 1st generation Americans are expected to do well in school. History is my best subject, and whenever I do well on it, people always have this look of surprise on their face, like somehow, I'm automatically at a disadvantage to learning US history because my skin is slightly yellower than theirs. Just because my parents didn't grow up here doesn't mean that I'm any less capable of knowing my home country's history. Geez. Heh heh...sorry about ranting. It just sort of happened. I've never seen any form of media before that touched on this frustration, so it just sorta...came out...

[@naeebrooks3796]

Awesome video, presentation and speaking. Freedom that is a beautiful message freedom to be who we want to be. What does successful mean to you?

[@dorothydoreen]

such wisdom from such a young mind. this is great!

[@kennethcarvalho3684]

Thank you for sharing...i went through all this myself..and it breaks your psyche and causes mental illness

[@chix25]

I'm Asian and the stereotyping actually motivates me to work hard since I am just an A. A=Average.

[@lichenberri]

this video sums up my academic life pretty well, holy shit. almost down to the exact thoughts. :O

[@JoyWanakwanyi]

Wow! This totally opened my mind and I got to understand all my Chinese friends. It's sad. It's not fair. I've never been serious with school anyway. But I do well. I try to balance my social life with school. I also try to hang out with my Chinese friend coz she works so much. 😞 shout out from an African student in Malaysia.

[@najamomo5226]

Im so glad that she spoke up for us. What she says are so true. Actually, because of social media, I felt like I needed to be like the Asian nerds in movies. When you get bad grades... you want to cry, but also be strong. You feel like you are going to face consequences or be isolated from others... and that's what I feel when my parents aren't as strict as tiger parents and my school is very open minded. I just feel even greater pity for the others kids who aren't as lucky as I am);

[@TranNguyen-zs8lb]

I'm an Asian-Australian. Everything she said is so true. My dad really thinks B+'s are F's. Once she said that Asians aged 15 - 24 have suicidal thoughts more than white people, I thought that was so true because I've had people call me useless, to kms, of how small my eyes are and how can I see. I'm only 11. People have just so high expectations of me in my whole school. My dad thinks having the second highest percentage in my class for Maths is bad (92%), but since I've been raised and have better academic skills, I thought I could do much better. My brains blacks out most of the time when I'm stressed.

[@freyrofyonder7357]

Nobody: Everyone to asians: oH cAN yOu Do mY mAtH hOmEwOrk

[@deathgamer8086]

u shuda seen what the mandarin students r like when i walk into the room (im chinese)

[@user-km9bx3gf3z]

her speech is so tense

[@abbyvera44]

I'm Asian, but my parents are different. They did not push me to have better grades but it was my own will to do good in class. I was not pressured by my parents instead, I was pressured by my classmates and friends since they study so hard so I study hard with them. For us, it was like a game, or a challenge. Even in our spare time, we talk about theories and challenges of "what ifs". I am not in the top of our class, I was just somewhere in the "middle honors". At the end, I can say that it really pays off. I am a civil engineer now.

[@natinettievods3795]

Because my mom has fairly large eyes, I also have fairly large eyes (for a Vietnamese girl that is) And when I tell people I am Asian, they tend to start hanging around me more in classes like math, and they expect me to help them with their math problems, just because I'm Asian. When I tell people that dont know my race these problems, they're like, "but you don't look Asian?" WHY DOES NO ONE BELIEVE IM ASIAN???

[@PiyushBhakat]

An update on her: she got into the University of Chicago!

[@Fmajor7]

I needed thissssss.

[@pranavpathapati3843]

This is so relatable Thank you

[@samayjain6409]

I love the concepts of Mathematics.

[@sirbenjamaicad.6472]

its weird I am white and I was raised the same way. Its puts pressure on you for sure, and hatred of the self.

[@caseycallaway4115]

SirBenjamaica D. Yeah I'm white too but I just push myself really hard. My parents don't push me as hard as I push myself

[@sisterchallenge3301]

Very well done indeed!!! Great speech!

[@lei8229]

I really like her speech because it really highlites an important topic.. I'm not even Asian and i still deal with these problems.. Teachers and friends expect too much from me.. I always get the best grades but sometimes when i fail a little.. it's a chock for everyone and they start thinking i'm influenced by someone in a bad way.. But it's nothing like that! We students, can't always be the top, or always be good at everything.. people (and we too) need to understand that it's absolutely okay to fail sometimes, it's not the end of the world and life isn't just about studying.. it's much more than that..

[@julia10742]

I see you, guys. I see you. My parents hate me for pursuing writing.

[@Miloreo18]

julia ko woah. Writing is a great thing! (So is reading and math, I’m great at those too) Your parents are mean

[@ph-jx4bd]

If you take the A’s out of asian then that is a sin. *A* S I *A* N S I N

[@nhilam652]

Murphy Schnauzer 😐😱 I didn’t even see that

[@angxlinaa]

This is so true. Although I’m an Asian living in Asian country and studying at a school full of Asian people, I relate to this a lot. I’m considered as one of the top student in my class. Whenever i get a bad grade, my friends would continuously tease me although their grades are still lower. It’s actually annoying and I hope people realize not every student on top would always stay on top.

[@hungho4585]

I used to put myself under pressure of success so it makes me stress a lot. Now I know my purpose of my life is having a peace and happy life.

[@simrannoo]

I honestly feel all the Asians perfect model r mostly directed to Chinese students and am I wrong...I'm from Malaysia, a multiracial country, whenever I told my parents or anybody else that I didn't get the best grades in class or completely failed at a competition, they'll ask me, so who got first or who won, then they answer their own question and say is it Chinese. I to be honest feel frustrated because it's the truth n I can't run away from it. Everybody looks at that one Chinese girl who's always at the top and they don't give a damn on who comes second or third. They never realised that I too just wanted to be noticed as an equal.

[@jexin1749]

SIMRAN SANDHU u cant get noticed because you weren't the first lolol u can get 1st then u can get noticed lmao stop whining ?? Im from Singapore and im pretty sure m'sia's education system is not as all rounded and stressful as sg's lol

[@simrannoo]

Tomato Pasta well I'm so sorry that our education system is not as "well rounded" or as "stressful" as Singapore's I get it ur country is at a completely different lvl than ours n it's education system is one of the best in world, but u haven't been in my shoes n I haven't been in yours, so I think it's safe to say that one shouldn't judge a book by its cover

[@yeowo]

Wth does the level of education she receives have anything to do with her wanting some recognition

[@hsuehhs1]

Remember they are Asian Americans who have autism and have learning disabilities like dyslexia

[@averyspecificshadeofblue4106]

__ . .

[@Kizamo]

w e l c o m e t o m y w o r l d

[@nightstarquotes8]

PREACH!!!! I really can relate.

[@HermanGan]

Amazing speech. Someone so young understands the stress and the stereotypes. Kudos x1000!

[@gabiwfan]

"Can you see? your eyes are so small" "Open your eyes" " you are Chinese or Japanese?" we need more Asian people in the movies and tv shows

[@andrewa3813]

She's right, Asian starts with A+++.

[@decatengt887]

no, it starts with A+++-++

[@botakliar]

"a grade"

[@chix25]

They should start change the meaning of A to Average since not every Asians can get A's

[@macleatakirkwood6516]

I wish to be a straight A student

[@DarkCyradis]

So true. Being raised to believe I HAD to live up to these flawless standards caused me to develop a kind of Imposter Syndrome, where I felt unworthy to be in any place, to be allowed to *just exist* , unless I was doing my "job" flawlessly. And what the speaker said about feeling emotionally isolated is so true too. No one was mean to me, but people seemed to be suspicious of me for no reason, and I was definitely not allowed to ask for help because people would tease me with relish if I ever asked a question or didn't know an answer instantly. No one let me be "just one of the guys/girls/kids" either. I felt really alone and never realized that I was allowed to ask for help, especially as I grew older and life got harder and we DEFINITELY all need help and to lean on others.

[@sovstorybrook9614]

This is so true, even though I'm not an asian american, students and teachers at my school have expectations on me just because I'm chinese. It feels like I live to fulfill people's expectations. Getting good grades is not longer self satisfying.

[@avanime2533]

THIS GIRL IS TOTTALY ME IM ASIAN AMERICAN AND EVERYTHING SHE JUST SAID WAS SO TRUE 1.i wanted to be a doctor 2.i played the piano since i was seven 3.i got A+ WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS

[@mysticsone9469]

Avanime 25 LOL SAME

[@deathgamer8086]

and i swear every kid in china does taekwondo in 3rd grade

[@samayjain6409]

I love Business Maths, as compared to Engineering Maths.

[@umayjeong3594]

This is so relatable I hate being put pressured on..

[@taceyonwool3837]

SO TRUE! I'm a high school Asian first generation. My parents never got the best education so they pushed their dreams onto me. I have finals coming up and I'm terrified that my grades will drop to a B. I know it's absolutely dumb. A B is a good grade, but I grew up feeling like you can't get into a great college if you don't have things to show for it. 😓

[@lindseykubsch8384]

Im white and im learning geometry over the summer for my 8th grade geometry class (high school credit) so that way I will do better next year, I dont feel pressure from my parents. I only feel this inter-collapsing pressure from my brain because I dont want to be a "basic student." It drives me nuts. For some reason, 97s arent good enough...😣😣😣

[@lydiawang7994]

Love.Linds dude 97s r so freaking good idk what's your standards but that's hella high

[@gswpower7098]

Lindsey Kubsch I feel like you added that 97 just to get attention but anyway I am doing virtual too.Do you go to an IB school?

[@physicsboy10]

Lindsey Kubsch Hey , i wanna make a friend with you, would you like to do that,

[@harbinger9072]

I got a 69 once in school from my teacher....

[@woorahmhall7594]

My mom is chill but the people asking if I'm Chinese is annoying

[@sakura_kyaa2377]

I feel this all the time especially when it comes to sports too.

[@ishamayor9501]

Amazing job! She is only a freshman--that's incredible. She did a great job revealing the negative aspects of a stereotype that would otherwise seem harmless and positive.

[@LionelM3ssi10]

I'd like to disagree with her; the reason Asians are so pressured into doing so well isn't because of the stereotype that exists, but rather the constant pressure/greed from their parents. More specifically: Koreans and Chinese. Not to be stereotypical, but Vietnamese students generally aren't expected to perform as well as Koreans and Chinese, mainly because their parents do not enforce such high expectations, which shows that this "model-minority" stereotype isn't exactly true. Speaking from personal experience, I was afraid to do poorly in school not because my peers might call me a stupid Asian, but because my parents would scold me for not meeting their expectations; they would always compare me to my friends and how much more/better they did.

[@3l3ctr0mania3]

Yun Cho I think that it really depends on the circumstances. I personally had a combination of the stereotype and parents pressuring me, but I feel that if someone wasn’t pressured by their parents, they’d be stereotyped and judged. And a ton of people weren’t affected by the stereotype, but by their parents.

[@hax3044]

my parents enrolled me and my sister in Kumon even though we both have perfect grades in math

[@rosechen2169]

Eric Nguyen I HATE KUMON OMF

[@physicsboy10]

Eric Nguyen Even Einstein had never been registered to kumon,

[@physicsboy10]

Rose Chen Hey Rose, i'm lack of friends from another country, would you like to befriend with me?

[@irisirisirisirisirisiris]

Same lmao

[@danieltarbet8149]

I love this because this can also pander toward to me as a first generation American and other first generation Americans other than Asians. Although I am a quarter Korean and my mother is an overbearing ( But loveable ❤️ ) Ethiopian immigrant. Great ted talk!

[@KringeInamsu]

This topic definitely needs more attention speaking first hand as an Asian student.. great job!