Ask Nick - You’re Addicted to Missing Him | The Viall Files w/ Nick Viall

Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! We’re back to answer your burning questions about the world of dating and relationships. Before getting to our callers, we discuss the idea of finding the one vs. finally just “picking” someone to spend your life with. Our first caller is wondering if she should warn her ex-husband’s new fiancée about his tumultuous and emotionally ab*sive past, or if it’s better to watch from the sidelines. They share a son together, so she’s unable to detach completely. Our next caller is still crying over a breakup, 10 months after the fact. She has to figure out how to let go of the failed relationship and her self-pity. Our final caller had a Vegas birthday trip “from hell” that was ruined by one of her friends. Does she address the hurt she caused, and how is she supposed to act as Maid of Honor in her upcoming wedding?
“You made promises that didn’t work out. That doesn’t make you a loser.”
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[@tklassen15]

Ali and Amanda are most definitely the ‘A team’ in my books! ❤

[@jennienelson675]

I have reached out to the new partner of an ex. This situation was different from the caller because he was emotionally and physically abusive. He's in prison now, and will be for many years. I told her that if he ever put hands on her I would be there for her. She told me to fuck off in the moment (which I totally expected and understood). Years later thought, she reached out. She apologized for her reaction in the moment and said that my message helped her get out.

[@assyrianprincess3]

Good on you, you potentially saved her life and she probably knows that

[@laraineshawa1912]

My favorite quote by Nick and something I needed to hear: Part of us not being able to find someone is being way too picky early one and then not picky enough once we’ve decided we want to date them. Love love love this podcast!!

[@AAAToturn17]

I'm seeing a few comments about Nick being harsh on caller 2... I disagree. I think that was exactly what she needed to hear. Some people need to be told enough is enough. It's okay to be sad but at some point you have to choose yourself and make a conscious decision to move forward.

[@0104blackpearl]

I wish you guys would show us the screen of whatever your streaming or (pic) of what y’all are talking about. Not sure why that hasn’t happened yet; especially when talking about the bachelor, the small screen on the desk isn’t enough, we need a close up! Thanks 😊

[@friezenfan]

But this is just the video of a podcast. It's not a tv show. It's meant to be listened to not really watched

[@SavvyGirl751]

@@friezenfan they used to have a large monitor between them that they would put up pictures on when taking about the show. This is a resent change at the new studio set up.

[@PhonixTarHeels]

Shame is insidious and really hard to beat. Especially because so much of society is structured on shame. You cannot and should not shame someone into getting over it or have a different perspective. You are doing harm. Also, do not take calls with emotional or physical abuse, you are not qualified. It’s just the simple. There’s nothing wrong with not being qualified but know your coverage and don’t outkick it because these are people’s lives.

[@taylorhodgkins7701]

Feeling extremely called out by this episode’s title! Can’t wait to watch!

[@marinadibona1038]

First caller move on, don’t involve yourself in your ex’s life, be happy he now lives further away from you.

[@teddythe31st88]

I’m going through a similar situation with my ex. He was both physically and sexually abusive and a very violent person. I left him because the last year was at its worst with his violent outbursts. I left him in August. He met a women in October and got engaged in November. I was skeptical but ultimately left the situation alone. Now that he can no longer abuse me physically, he has resorted to financial abuse. I was a stay at home mom (teach yoga on the side) and he was the main bread winner. All the finances were in his name. (Including the last fifteen years of my life savings.) when I told him I wanted my money he showed up to my house called the police and made me hand my van keys to the police. (The van was also in his name.) I got so upset that I contacted his girlfriend and told her how abusive and controlling he is. (Also sent disturbing voicemail and texts from him, so it wasn’t just my word against his.) Long story short, I regret it greatly. Not only am I dealing with his bullshit but I’m dealing with threats from his girlfriend as well. It’s quite disturbing actually. They both get off from mentally tormenting me. I try extremely hard to keep the peace now. (Because quite frankly, I’m afraid of them.) but it’s extremely difficult. I have a court date for child support and custody and I’m very stressed by the whole situation. He has a lot of money and I have a absolutely nothing. Would love some advice from anyone who has dealt with anything similar.

[@christinabeck9316]

Teddy, I totally relate. Retaliation is huge w certain ‘personality types’. You have to disengage, it’s now a chess game. Whatever you value, he will take from you. Reverse psychology time. Gray rock: do not communicate any more than you must; less is more. There is zero point in arguing. What pisses them off the most is you disengaging and closing off. Do not poke the bear. Stay away. If you fight for anything, he will retaliate. Never be happy about a victory or he will find a way to punish you. I left when my kids were 4 and 8. They’re now 19 and 23. I got screwed financially, but I have my freedom. My kids know who he is….my son hasn’t spoken to him in 6 yrs.

[@teddythe31st88]

@@christinabeck9316 thank you for your advice. Yes I believe both of theses people have some sort of personality disorder. I’m the type of person who feels the need to call people out for the wrongs they do but I’ve made peace with accepting that he is sick and will never see the destruction and has caused and is currently causing.

[@sierrafaulkner2066]

First, I love that y’all are recapping after the calls. I enjoy the thoughts and opinions. I was in an abusive relationship for a short time and his ex warned me, I didn’t believe her for whatever reason and it happened to me. When he moved on his girlfriend reached out to me asking if I had experienced it. We talked for an hour on the phone and I told her everything, she still continued to date him. So, I don’t see that there’s much good in warning people, they kind of have to learn for themselves.

[@ebstudio9525]

"Put a sign on your bathroom mirror "Stop Wasting Your Life", because that's what you're doing." 🤣

[@lalaa8653]

Damn Nick why are you going so hard on the second caller. Poor girl is human and can feel heartbreak

[@eliskacharlottew.2408]

eh, its been over half a year she can stop crying about it so often now

[@lalaa8653]

I think the point could be shown without the harshness and kicking down with words she’s already down on herself

[@evgssss]

I disagree, personally, I believe that people stuck in a cycle need a wake up call and tough love to shake them out of it. If she needed someone to validate her and feel sorry for her she would have gone to a friend. She is probably a listener and knows Nicks approach and this is what she needed to hear

[@lalaa8653]

@@evgssss Well I agreed with the message I just meant the delivery 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@tarenmiller4178]

I think Nick is giving her the tough love that he knows is needed, though hard to hear, when a person is ruminating about a heartbreak.

[@staceyklink5243]

I really like Ally I find her to be a good comedic break to the serious conversation. I feel like there was something that happened with Nick. I think he used to find her commentary more charming and has been annoyed with it more lately for sure. You can clearly see Ally hold back over the last 5-10 shows as she doesn't feel she can share her thoughts. Personally as the lead of the show I think it would be more profession to save the eye roll comment for after the taping. I think Nick should step up and have a conversation as he obviously is bothered. He is decades older and should set an example by being professional and have these conversations after the show. As annoyed as he may have been by the eye roll, I think it was just as disrespectful to call it out out on air (when those just listening wouldn't have known otherwise). It was just an unnecessary distraction over something as silly as naming a team....

[@notmariasanchez]

starts at 21:45

[@catherineritch6241]

Love the book!!📕 ❤

[@tonibrooks9719]

Nick, I understand you want to be candid and honest when giving advice, but your delivery is terrible. These are strangers who don’t know you. Be honest, but my goodness lighten up. It’s not necessary to get your point to land.

[@tlc7784]

I hope Nick listens to this advice. When he’s fatigued (which I imagine he is bc they cluster film their episodes). And when I hear his tired voice, I know he’s gonna come off “not nice.” So maybe he should be honest with his mindset, and not record or join a book club meeting when he’s tired. That’s when he gets accused of being a jerk to callers. Please listen to this great advice from Toni Brooks.

[@Infinitewake]

The second call was a bit rough.

[@Emily-jg3ij]

Yes !!!! I feel like he’s becoming so pessimistic, cocky & ignorant. He’s not humble at all anymore I used to be hyped about the pod now Its getting hard to watch and I’m uninterested

[@amandajaussi4101]

This podcast is definitely getting hard to watch. I used to be a big Nick fan but the way he treats people on these calls is really off putting. That second caller maybbeee needed some honest feedback, but now she needs a hug.

[@kellysutton184]

The tone off the bat with the second caller was painful to listen to. A loss of a four year relationship can feel like grieving for some people. I’m a long time fan - you often give great advice Nick. I find myself wanting to watch your podcasts, but also feel more weary about tuning in lately.

[@taylorbrombaugh5901]

I have reached out to the new partner of an ex. I actually became friends with the girl he dated directly after me, so when a friend from my past messaged me telling me her best friend was now dating my ex and to help warn her, me and my friend (the other ex) immediately got in a group chat with the new partner and told our stories. Didn’t get us anywhere though, she said “people change”. HOWEVER, they ended up breaking up shortly after and she is now engaged to another man and seems happy. I do not regret my decision and I would do it a million times over.

[@eh1126]

0:59 I think it’s only a matter of time until Ally gets the boot. She has been giving off contempt vibes towards her job a lot recently and Nick’s body language screams “I’m done with this shit” lol

[@eliskacharlottew.2408]

ohhh honestly i have been getting bad vibes from her as well yikes didn't realize other people also felt it

[@axlovesxyou]

I agree. She seems annoyed with him in a lot of episodes.

[@0104blackpearl]

Tbh Ally is a big personality & a little over the top. She chimes when she shouldn’t & brings attention to unnecessary things. Always critiquing the way Nick says something, it would annoy me too. I think she’s trying to be funny, but it’s too much at times. In the beginning I thought Nick found it annoying and noticed recently that he seemed to warm up to her, this clip is very telling tho! 👀 She might be a better fit elsewhere. Amanda knows her place, is respectful & I feel like brings great empathy & insight to the show.

[@0104blackpearl]

I do like Allly with Amanda as a duo but Ally could tame it down a little. 😊

[@absolutelynoooooot]

Disagree!! This is the point of her presence - she the one who pushes back at nick and their dynamic of "fighting" is a good addition

[@chronicallybriana]

Damn no pop culture updates?? I really wanna hear y’all give your opinions on the Vanderpump Rules “Scandoval” especially considering you had Lala on last week, and Ariana just a few weeks back! Also can’t forget about Sheshu!

[@KathrynLujan]

SAME

[@Juicylock261]

Love your videos so much!!!!!

[@Donna13229]

With the first caller, even though I thought the advice on what to do was very good and the explanation eloquent, as a specialist in abusive families I would caution Nick to go into to much detail on what her child does or does not understand. I do see that he clearly says: i'm not a specialist, talk to a psychologist. However then does continue with asking questions about child's understanding and giving some advice on the harm father's relationship might not be doing. Just be really careful in giving advice on kids and child development. Perhaps it would have been better just to say, talk to a specialist about your child, I'll just comment on the relationship part.

[@christinabeck9316]

When you’re divorced, you have no say in what your ex does around your kids: it’s his time. If you have serious concerns, get a therapist for your child and take him to court if you have any grounds at all. Sadly, there is little we can do about the fact that we had kids w someone who has little moral compass or not a lot of consideration for anyone else (especially their children). We didn’t pick well………we must do better.

[@SavvyGirl751]

Sometimes you pick well but the person lied or changed. Most people don’t chose people that they think will treat them or their children badly. Life happens.

[@wuddupbb]

i love being told i’m missing out on so much cause i’m not paying for a service that i literally can’t afford. getting long time viewers to pay for stuff when money is such is big issue for everyone right now. love it

[@irakohler5591]

Love the follow up after the calls

[@SBhattacharyyaaaaa67]

😂😂too many ads

[@frankiegadot990]

When I contacted my exes new girlfriend… Actually, she contacted me. I warned her, but then I immediately regretted it because he was a dangerous person and I feared for my safety after I told her to be careful, I was afraid that he would see the message that she would tell him and then come after me, so that being said, I would not contact an ex because it could be a danger or I could put you more at risk or even if they’re not scary person you be more involved in drama that you don’t need in your life so overall, I said no don’t contact ! Also, I love this podcast you guys are doing such a great job. I listen every week to all the episodes. Thank you for all the work you put into it I subscribed to Viall files plus…. And the link is not working when I try to set it up through my app. Any suggestions on how to make it work? Thank you.

[@candy07831]

How did you already subscribe? It’s not even supposed to be out until March 10th

[@terifritsma9506]

Does Nick despise everyone who calls in to his show? It sure seems like it.

[@alala4027]

At the very least he thinks he’s better than them

[@MsHeyall]

Love all of Nick's takes! I need someone to tell it to me straight with no bs!

[@chelseaann377]

41:07 I have done this with a recent ex who has a pattern of stealing the identities of women who he’s dating. Ive messaged two different girls he was seeing. One ended up messaging me back a few days later after she had ended things but unfortunately he had already taken out two fraudulent loans in her name. He tried to file a restraining order against me which was denied. My priority is to protect other women. I don’t regret it.

[@MandyWasHere]

When i listen to you give “advice”, it sounds like youre talking to and about yourself

[@crystalxoxos2]

Third caller sounds like a selfish nightmare.

[@starjan1]

A good name for the three of them could be "Triple Decker Club" (since everyone there likes sandwiches.). Or "Two Girls With A D." What do I win? I'm in LA so I could drop by to pick it up. :)

[@nk47100]

The third caller sounds like a nightmare of a friend. Why is she demanding certain energy levels from her friends, especially a mom?! The caller is out of line and will learn this one day if she becomes a mother.

[@jamie87594]

She had an aggressive outburst toward her friends in public, I don’t think it’s demanding to ask that people are polite and respectful to one another…

[@AK-jd7td]

Disagree with Nick. She should tell the new girlfriend. As a woman, I would like to know if my partner was abusive in the past. No matter what the reaction is, she deserves to know.

[@ningyding]

Nick gives perfect advice.

[@luv4led]

The Viall Vixens

[@seven92023]

First caller is bitter revengeful woman. If she is happy with her life and new boyfriend then she should move on. Best thing Nick said to second caller is "you are not special". I agree with the advice, except for the therapy part. No one needs a bitchy friend like the third caller. That friend is getting married? Poor groom.

[@nk47100]

Who is the bitchy friend? The caller or the woman getting married?

[@seven92023]

@@nk47100 The woman getting married is the bitchy friend.

[@claudiapawlak6894]

The way you were raised, chubby, domineering to behave as a Lord ! Demean oneself by taking a bribe, a woman is never acceptable and can lead to serious harm. Child Bearing is what Sells!

[@nk47100]

Huh?

[@hamsternellie5988]

First