Introduction to human biology Complete | Humans are Space Orcs | HFY |

[@ryanbright1363]

"Humans will mate with anything" *achievement unlocked: Rule 34*

[@robofreak425]

There's even this old poster thing floating around the internet from years back about a guide and mating with aliens. 1) Are they sentient? 2) Have they reached adulthood/maturity? 3) Did they accept your mating request(or something along those lines)? I don't remember if there were other criteria, but generally the answer is that you can lay the alien if all questions are answered yes.

[@rowbot5555]

@@robofreak425 the harkniss test is it's name

[@michaelray3865]

4. Are they physically/mentally/(maybe even spiritually) “compatible” enough to perform worthwhile activity? For example, what if a species is enough like a human to mate but eats the male afterwards for nutrients? Or implants parasitic offspring, etc?

[@jamesperkins2552]

@@rowbot5555

[@loganshaw4527]

Looks at D&D alot would with a dragon.

[@paladinpaine2066]

I absolutely love that the humans heard no rules. Are were immediately like, "Warcrimes it is, then".

[@WE_DONT_LIE]

What are those suggestions

[@evernewb2073]

@@WE_DONT_LIE I mean, kinda? there isn't an actual central "warcrimes" list instead it's all treaties between specific nations and/or groups, so practically speaking even the really truly horrible stuff is in there more as a threat to sign the treaty than as an actual agreed-upon thing that nobody should ever do. it also means that most of the items on the actual "warcrimes it is then" lists are there because politics and/or business deals rather than because they are overly horrible and/or effective, so you get a mix of weird stuff like uhhh...oh! here's one: the military use of tear gas and riot hoses are both warcrimes according to the geneva conventions (less sure on the riot hoses part of that since I haven't checked it myself). political concessions and/or business deals about specific weapons systems like outlawing bouncing betties. and seemingly bizarre ones that are leftovers from god knows when because getting a law _off_ the books is next to impossible even before it is part of an international treaty like "no using triangular bayonets"...I wonder if witchcraft would be a warcrime anywhere. there's also some accidental ones that are kinda hilarious like how it is _technically_ a warcrime in most nations on earth to have rust on any military implement intended to cause bodily injury (including to people on your own side) because that could _technically_ be an attempt to enact biological warfare which is about as silly as it sounds despite biowarfare _absolutely_ being a valid thing to consider a warcrime and about the closest thing to being globally ratified as such because it is so damned _easy_ to do and so utterly not a good idea on a related note you'd be surprised how many countries do not officially consider the use of nukes to be a warcrime, turns out there isn't actually much reason for a country to ever sign a treaty against the use of nukes unless they either already are a nuclear superpower or have no intention of ever becoming one, and surprisingly good reasons NOT to sign them because the actual contents of a lot of those treaties are a lot more about crippling the development of related tech and infrastructure than they are about directly preventing/condeming/etc the use of nukes because quite frankly if you are launching nukes then you dam well better be WAY past the point where you should be giving a shit about treaties of any sort. probably the most sensible big category is stuff that governments fairly routinely do at war that are just *WAY* more trouble to clean up or outright impossible to recover from, like literally every single country in euroupe (erm _literally_ literally, not twitterally) making looting or destroying eachother's (or their own) museums a priority and destroying over half the completely irreplaceable stuff in them as a result with a large portion of the other half ending up in private collections...I think there might be a lot of treaties that specifically address attacking infrastructure in this category (there are places where stuff like blowing up major dams can be considerably worse than nukes) but I have in no way so much as done a 5 second google search on that and again, even if there are treaties about that they aren't going to weigh in much on that kind of decision without some truly extreem consequences and the reasonable belief that they will be backed up.

[@jadedsilverlining9427]

@@evernewb2073 witchcraft should be called witchcrime in that case

[@evernewb2073]

@@jadedsilverlining9427 no, seriously, I legitimately would not be surprised to find out that there are treaties between countries explicitly listing the use of witchcraft/paganism/etc as a warcrime. there is some monumentally stupid junk floating around, dumbest I can think of off the top of my head is that I'm pretty sure there's a few cases where some country in euroupe decided to declare war on some country in africa for some inane reason or another and never bothered to check if the country they are declaring war on actually exists. there's a fair few other cases where countries just sorta...never actually got around to declaring a war was over? or possibly just outright forgot they were officially at war? they were such jerks to their neighbors that there really wasn't any difference in the day-to-day from normal aside from how serious their country was about rounding up proper armies from time to time so over the course of a couple decades it was entirely possible to just... loose the information. anyways, there's been a good many cases where someone was going over old records looking for stuff and found out they have technically "officially" been at war for the past few centuries. they also often didn't bother calling something a war when the someone that they were attacking was not part of their social group...countries just sorta generally act like sociopathic middle schoolers really.

[@jadedsilverlining9427]

@@evernewb2073 And I was making a joke about that. I have no doubt some obscure countries they dont teach about have weird treaties against things like that.

[@neroham93]

Alien discovers internet, and finds out we're all perverts. Seems right

[@joshuawilliams8921]

And Barry thinks its because of the toxic comments sections of social media Nope the real reasons is because of our freaky pornography and need to sexually conquer all of existence Lol 😂

[@amberkat8147]

Lol, yeah, right? I love it.

[@dragonforce2724]

69 liked 😂

[@alexanderd6793]

@@dragonforce2724 His point exactly

[@thesquatch9821]

And the alien finds out she is one too, she just hasn't figured it out yet.

[@matchesburn]

12:43 - _"We might even have to recategorize Earth as a Category 6 Deathworld."_ ...After they get a look at Australia, they might have to bump that up a "Category 7."

[@elizabethwilliams5812]

Ah, humans fighting humans. Maybe go for "category 8"

[@cloutogelevatedtv9000]

@@elizabethwilliams5812 and just for a safe measure let's just bump them into a class 9, better safe than sorry

[@DongbaekEGOSpicebush]

@@elizabethwilliams5812 fuck it, call it hell incarnate

[@MercenaryX21]

You forgot Tazmania and New Zealand. Those 2 alone should bump it up to a 9.

[@tohanwi]

Haha yah, I mean the i pretty much see Australia as a country version of Florida but with more crazy lol

[@lazarmarinkovic8486]

French men sees raw food, alien cook says they dont cook the food but eat it raw... ***ANGRY FRENCHMEN NOISES***

[@PobortzaPl]

Once I heard him being described as "first space chef" I started wondering if they have booze on this station...

[@nibblitman]

Yeah I mean present a Frenchmen with nothing but raw food and well as a great man once said “Life uh finds a way”

[@Dr.Westside]

Guess you've never heard of steak tartare

[@someoneawesome8717]

I had a similar response tbh

[@piglin469]

GORDON RAMSEY BOUT TO MAKE THE HOLOCAUST LOOK LIKE A MEME

[@tickticktickBOOOOM]

"Thick Thighs Save Lives" I see Barry is a fellow man of culture.

[@rodrigoandorinha9259]

Tbh , when she started looking at him weirdly i though he had fucked the dragon

[@SisterSkimo]

As an American, Barry is the perfect representative of our culture. Down to his choice of hoodie.

[@LTDroz]

Only thing that would make it better was if it said “I ❤️ hot moms”

[@FullmetalOrk]

Truly our prodigal son.

[@NoESanity]

"Why would you wear such a thing?" because it is true.

[@thrumwolf9583]

Barry is the best of us and let his reign be eternal

[@Alexander-jv2fe]

@@thrumwolf9583 let his reign be eternal

[@artemiss7106]

Given the nationalities of the four students I was expecting the human war explanation to be a lot more awkward than it was.

[@Sanquinity]

Props to the writer for not taking the easy way out and going with WW2. :P

[@cpt.arctourus7950]

Now just wish they put a 5th in and made him English

[@LostLagrange]

I was expecting a lot more arguments about it honestly.

[@Alexander-jv2fe]

“Well first I’m going to send in a fleet to the back and while I’m doing that send the FIRST PANZER DIVISION INTO PARIS”

[@razorburn645]

​@@cpt.arctourus7950 The second wave of students have arrived. What is that sound? Malicious Rule Britannia plays*

[@casteanpreswyn7528]

The most unrealistic part of this was that Barry got fruits and vegetables, he's bloody American. He'd 100% get meat and try to start a fire.

[@grogvaughan5649]

He's probably from SoCal

[@kingdipshiz]

​@@grogvaughan5649nah he owns guns

[@grogvaughan5649]

@@kingdipshiz 9rd mags.. semiauto

[@mileselon1339]

Maybe it's a religious thing going on. Or maybe he likes Oranges... Can't blame him, Satsumas are delicious

[@anthonyboal6086]

To be fair if i was there and was handed raw meat id take the fruits and vegetables

[@159tony]

"There are no rules." Narrator: the teacher would come to find the horror and malignancy of human enginuity when applied into warfare Humans: good times rhymes with WARCRIMES!!

[@americankid7782]

We do have quite a bit of experience

[@Practitioner_of_Diogenes]

It's not a warcrime the first time.

[@159tony]

@@Practitioner_of_Diogenes it is only a warcrime if you lose. Warcrimes are something levied against the loser.

[@Practitioner_of_Diogenes]

@@159tony Clearly hasn't watch the Fat Electrician, as that's a joke he'd say from time to time.

[@borsniel7767]

@@Practitioner_of_Diogenes Someone tell the aliens to shoot at doc to make the humans surrender.

[@kylemackinnon6230]

I respect the decision to read the description of barry as being "chill american" and deciding instead to voice him as "cantankerous scott"

[@steveholmes3471]

No Scottish accent there at all

[@Stone_Cold_Steve_Autisim]

Agreed Barry definitely sounded like a Scott, Jean sounded more American lol.

[@julianfrachtman5866]

Accurate 😂

[@unoriginallyanonyoumus601]

there is no scot in his accent. He just has a gruff voice

[@kylemackinnon6230]

@@unoriginallyanonyoumus601 it was closer to scott than jean was to french

[@ThePervysage89]

"They shot him with cocaine" oOoOO they fucked up now. Im crying 😂😂

[@Theomos_R]

Same here, I had to pause it and laught it out.

[@doggo6517]

Florida Man has been unlocked

[@RaderizDorret]

What sounds like a corn-fed country boy already pissed-off over the attack and they shoot him up with cocaine? *COWABUNGA, IT IS*

[@Dmaster2k]

Cocaine is a hell of a drug!

[@razorburn645]

Human has now become the Doom Slayer.

[@Bannedchan]

Aliens: This is how many ships and what weapons we would use Humans: This is the war crime we selected from the list

[@weasel003gaming7]

They said "no rules" so the Geneva Checklist is getting checked.

[@crowgrabber_former_er5bb8yb2t]

Looks at Geneva convention and selects "all of the above"

[@JuiceofApple107]

Ah yes *The List*

[@jamesmerkel1932]

It's not really surprising. Given that the initial assumption is that they had to use technology available to the human race, and that humanity is currently at a major technological disadvantage. Using either extreme force that would likely ignore typical defenses or subterfuge makes sense. Given that the "rules of war" is a generally agreed upon set of limitations amongst the participants, one side blatantly declaring no rules means no regret for them choosing death.

[@richardorta8960]

H: Pretend the Geneva Convention doesn't exist, got it! A: Geneva what? H: A list of rules for war that we agreed upon to prevent our extinction.... ... and now yours I guess. *frightened alien silence*

[@commanderdragco3123]

“Thicc thighs save lives” the true statement of the universe

[@loganshaw4527]

Mean while dragons have the thickest thighs.

[@goddragon8637]

@@loganshaw4527 stop😶

[@loganshaw4527]

@@goddragon8637 foreshadowing for later chapters.

[@ryujitzu3547]

@@loganshaw4527 bruh, why you think long sleeves and face cuts. my boy already got there. Murica' fuck ya!

[@elduquecaradura1468]

@@loganshaw4527 well, hoo ha for Barry! I am through chapter 8, I might eated a whole spoiler, I should stop reading comments

[@Gilhelmi]

Oh dear lord. The dragon has found our fabled rule 34. Worse, she is embracing it without fully grasping it's disturbing depths. LOL.

[@blooddoctor2721]

*Lusty argonian maid intensifies*

[@Taneth]

Don't worry, the disturbing depths were hidden behind a level 3 quarantine that only a seasoned diplomat would be able to ac- wait a minute...

[@Cooky_McGee]

@@blooddoctor2721 oh god... i'll get the skyrim mods...

[@blooddoctor2721]

@@Cooky_McGee gooooood

[@christopher-gv7xj]

Wait until the aliens find out about the Japanese obsession with tentacles........

[@ruankiernan6291]

Alien discovers human depictions of her race: I mean. It’s alright Alien discovers human sexual depictions of her race: REAL SHIT

[@nicholassmile5800]

In a twist of fate, the dragon has rolled 20, and seduced the bard.

[@vickymoreira1260]

Not sure if bard or berserker at this point

[@elduquecaradura1468]

@@vickymoreira1260 ranger

[@weasel003gaming7]

@@elduquecaradura1468 no

[@crowgrabber_former_er5bb8yb2t]

Barbarian

[@alexispalangeo8643]

Multiclass? Kind of like a Viking, warrior-poets and stuff.

[@MrBennytime]

"They shot him with cocaine" Had me in stitches. Then the thought of 5 shots and a swift OD came to mind 😅.

[@joaolemes8757]

But should they only get five they've seen the absolute horror that would create

[@DrBright5558]

The most dangerous thing on the station for about thirty seconds.

[@austinteal3645]

This reminds me of the real life incident the cocaine bear for only a couple of seconds it became the deadliest animal on earth 💀 No I am not joking the bear found a bag of cocaine and ingested it, it proceed to run for a couple of miles before dying

[@markmulder9845]

Ok. So don't be a sapient plant in a fist fight with an adrenaline rushed human.

[@barel2369]

Dont forget about cocaine fueled as well

[@Sanquinity]

Correction, an adrenaline rushed, coke'd up human. xD (Or Florida man for short)

[@arthurmorgan2861]

@@Sanquinity HomoFloridus is classed as a terror species and is kill on sight for 99.991% of civilised space, the 0.009% is Florida.

[@scoundral2995]

@@Sanquinity The menace would instead beat them with a squirrel

[@MultiNaruto900]

@@Sanquinity Remember, the plant shoots needles packed with cocaine.

[@MidnightSt]

This one is more like "aliens are clueless", than "humans are space orcs"

[@someoneawesome8717]

Did you not listen to Barry going full Florida Man on the pirates?

[@anaveragenightlordsfan]

Both, both is good.

[@ufoe20011]

In the combat sections of other books . Space orks is appropriate

[@LazyPressit]

Thats just America

[@ServantOfOdin]

Kinda both, really. THe way the humans dealt with the pirates is so space-orcish human

[@keona5560]

Honestly I'm with John with the food thing, the caribbean in me would absolutely have gone apeshit at the very insinuation that I'd have to eat raw unseasoned ANYTHING. I do not blame the man in the slightest, must be *mad*

[@themotions5967]

I would be ok with raw fruits and veggies as well as rations for a while But I would be making request or putting together some utilities for cooking I mean you could probably request cooking supplies be made as they seem accommodating for different needs for different species Just explaining that our species was evolutionarily adapted to breaking down foods with heat and preserving it with different spices should be sufficient. Although even with cooking I would probably request that I be notified based on a preference for synthetic protein and not “naturally sourced” meats lol

[@ianharrison5758]

@@themotions5967 I do find it weird that something as fundamental as our diet wasn’t already accounted for. It’s not a major flaw, but it did leave me scratching my head

[@Novacore-qb3pj]

@@ianharrison5758 the easy way put here is the understanding that other species didn't need to cook food as they all seem to be abit more primal in their method of eating. This idea brings forward the fact that eating food raw for predators means while they run and chase they heat up and burn through their energy to break down the food. It then would make sense that for the general population of species who eat meat that since creativity isn't commonplace cooking could be considered disgraceful or torurious and sadistic to the food

[@speedyracer906]

this man has four voices his normal speaking voice scottish slightly higher feminine narrator wonderful

[@johns9652]

He also does a Cockney Brit voice, he usually uses it for Orcs and other big tough aliens.

[@MadmanHelldiver]

Teacher: "Humans can you give us a brief summary of your wars and how they shaped your culture" The German Student: *stammering* "I- I don't know why we have to tt- talk about that, let's talk about something else ya?" *tugs collar*

[@LTDroz]

*Moderately worried face from the Japanese student*

[@theamazingj7007]

@@LTDroz slightly smug grin from the American and Frenchman

[@bkane573]

Frenchman We learned to always wait for the English speaking people to win our wars for us.

[@rkj5480]

Canada

[@MadmanHelldiver]

@@rkj5480 "What happened to all the natives Canada? Where did they go?"

[@jimdemertzim1]

So, fragile tree like pirates, atempt to kidnap a human, by shooting him with cocaine... WHERE CAN I SIGN UP?

[@razorburn645]

Hit the Doom music.

[@joshuawilliams8921]

Human 1 “OMG they shot him with CoCaine” Alien 1 “Oh no is that poisonous to Humans” Human 2 “Uhm you could say that …”Human 1 “More like We may have to stop him from Killing each and every one of the pirates with his bare hands” Alien 1 “What the hell are you people made of???”

[@someoneawesome8717]

@@joshuawilliams8921 humans regularly consume poison for recreational purposes, most painkillers were developed as defensive mechanisms by plants, many lifeforms tried to kill us and we used them to get stronger!

[@joshuawilliams8921]

@@someoneawesome8717 Yes thats the point thankyou

[@ooffilipinopatriot7605]

@@joshuawilliams8921 regenerative flesh and overpowered skeletons.

[@medical-cyanide1526]

I had a very different idea of where this was going to end when it was mentioned the dragon lady discovered the sexual fantasies of man. This idea was briefly reinforced by the bit of how she regarded Barry as almost a white night rescuing the princes from danger, from human stories. And sadly this idea was never mentioned afterwards

[@allochervenkall9819]

Pretty sure Barry got those injuries after the steel suit match, not during.

[@m0rtez713]

@@allochervenkall9819 Yes I am inclined to think that as well.

[@medical-cyanide1526]

@@allochervenkall9819 pardon?

[@allochervenkall9819]

@@medical-cyanide1526 things got nsfw that night

[@medical-cyanide1526]

@@allochervenkall9819 oh pardon, my initial thought was that too, but I forgot about that and was talking about the very end of the story

[@HelloFellowHooman]

Human males: *sees Gundam* goes monke mode As a representative of this species and it's males I can confidently say this is how we would react to seeing a giant xeno slaying robot for the first time

[@Deliar12]

Not only males...gimme some too! Some girls would like to play as well, add to the robot fights female logic and enjoy the chaos encarnate we would make)))

[@mileselon1339]

Give me a BattleTech Rifleman and you'll see me swatting flies like an angry God!

[@HelloFellowHooman]

@@Deliar12 hell knows no FURY, like a woman scorned.

[@travisbishop782]

​@@mileselon1339a Timberwolf, or a Hatchet Man for me.

[@hideri6779]

I have got to pilot an Armored Core.

[@DaddyHensei]

Telling humanity that there are no rules in wars means the Geneva convention is now a point chart.

[@mileselon1339]

"The Code is more of Guidelines than actual rules!"

[@MTFtheta-11]

I got a hunch the author doesn't know about Canada to well, would have been better then the American for that

[@richardorta8960]

How many points is incinerating a world worth? Surely you cannot be serious!? Well, The USA has so many fusion bombs that... Okay, okay, you win! But I never got to take my tur... I Surrender!

[@thedeathshadowking2794]

I'm almost 100% sure Barry fucked that dragon... As a member of the dragon fuckers league I commend him for doing something all of us in the league have dreamed of doing.

[@mousesteam7882]

He did in fact, fucked the dragon, twice in fact here's the link introduction_to_dragon_anatomy_101/?force_seo

[@wiilov]

Least ya know what you're about. Respect.

[@WingManFang1]

She probably went nuts 🥜 for Rule 34

[@thedeathshadowking2794]

@@WingManFang1 yeah probably

[@kylemackinnon6230]

Ah found the bard

[@nathlech919]

With a nice dose of cocaine, Barry is gonna clean the whole space station in a matter of minutes

[@thehumanstunlock7588]

the broken but perfectly understandable speech from the "aliens" will always be fun to read. EDIT: of course the first guys to go to outter space fucked the dragon first. not sure what else i expected of the boys.

[@Big_boy01470]

Your got damm right

[@GekleloPlays]

Moments like this make me feel equally proud and jealous.

[@HiddenOcelot]

I mean, did we really expect less from the american? Or expect more, whichever one you'd rather lol

[@_GenericAmerican]

@@HiddenOcelot y e s

[@thomashunter7190]

@@HiddenOcelot as an American I resemble that remark.

[@dadgod3615]

Barry will fight a dragon lady. Barry don't give a fuck. America. Edit: dragon lady may seduce Barry. Barry is ok with this.

[@ndld4955]

"Her tongue danced excitedly inside her maw, hoping there'd be a few males in the four students coming to the Rar Meena academy"😏👉🍆🐲 Wow be careful what u wish for ... On both sides..😏 When the henti wants the guy more than he wants it 😳😳😳🤣 And no ... don't tell me this isn't exactly what was meant.. lol😂

[@L337f33t]

I read this like Barry from Archer and it still works.

[@mileselon1339]

Barry Crush Plant Person's Skull With Cocaine! Barry Is Happy Now!! God I suddenly love this read.

[@travisbishop782]

​@@L337f33twhat about other Barry?

[@shewolfroux6091]

During the ch4, war strategy I had a very human idea on how to deal with it. First you cause a big enough distraction off world, towards the edge of the system. Big enough to cause the enemy send the majority of their forces towards the distraction. Then, send a small force in to take the mine. If the forces guarding the mine are too much for the team to handle. Then they could drive them back into the mine, collapsing the entrance and any escape routes, trapping them inside. Then all they have to do is wait for the enemy to die off inside. With the majority of the enemy forces away and the on world enemy shut up inside them mine, they could send in extra forces to back up the original team while they wait for the enemy to die off. This would also give them the necessary vessels to get the goods off world and wherever we need them. Once the mine is under control, resort to guerilla warfare to lure and pick off the rest of the enemy. If the mine is too hard to keep, then the goal is to get as much of the supplies off world, sabotage the equipment, and abandon the mine. Once the enemy resumes mining, detonate previously planted mine, bombs, ect. This would continue to decimate their forces and hopefully decrease moral in the enemy forces. Helping to turn the war in the humans favor. This isn't the BEST plan, but it took me less than a minute to come up with. So, a little concerning. Given enough time I could come up with something better. Something safer for the soldiers, that would cost less.

[@4eversight781]

I just simply capture one of their ship and crack their communication network and fill-to-the-bream with “enemy has been spotted” or “we are under attack from home-world” and when the ship are returning to home world. Due a Russian gorilla warfare and (if they are a straight-forward-intelligent species) I folded the communication with “is water is wet” and Rick roll.

[@lazarmarinkovic8486]

Huh, I guess we had a similar idea then...

[@GreetMyMeat]

I thought: Use signal jammers to block communication. Fill the mine with Zyclon-B (the toxin used in the Auschwitz gas chambers) and collapse the entrances. Station soldiers outside each entrance to make sure the enemy does not try to make an escape. Wait a week. After a week, sweep the mine for any stragglers and eliminate them. The survivors would be too weak from the gas attack or starvation.

[@muhschaf]

And now imagine what an actual general how have study that shit will come up with...

[@matersolinvictus]

Send many ship with big cannon in, big cannon go BOOM

[@RicardoMartinez-tf5po]

"They shot him with cocaine" I openly snorted (pun intended) when hearing that.

[@slacksviii9824]

Cocaine fueled American teen vs space school shooter

[@greyclydesdale]

Chief Engineer Schotee - Scotty.... Well played

[@TheKoistar]

Perfectly ironic that Barry's thick thighs ended up saving a life. Even if it's beyond saving in the laundry, he truly honored his hoodie LMAO

[@massimothetrog7111]

Sadly it seems the author decided not to continue on with this one. I too wanted to see more Lso'na/Barry romance perhaps.

[@razorburn645]

Thats unfortunate. Barry was clearly following the example of James T Kirk.

[@Ortian9]

look for "Introduction to Dragon Anatomy 101" less romance more pancakes

[@definitelyaguy3179]

@@Ortian9 I can't find it, do you have the link?

[@piglin469]

@@Ortian9 LINK it or you aint gettin the pirls BUKKO

[@Demortra]

Pinged ya both

[@elizabethwilliams5812]

I like the "can't get to the mine? Tow an asteroid in to do the heavy work."

[@LostLagrange]

If this story has taught me anything it’s that if we ever make first contact with alien species we are gonna have ALOT of explaining to do if they ever access our enternet network….

[@elduquecaradura1468]

"well, look... this is product of our imagination, and our inclination to reproduce. We didn't get from 1.5 billion people to 8 billion in 70 years just watching at other's eyes constantly...!"

[@rodrigoandorinha9259]

I think we should keep the internet to ourselfs and give them a kids mode...

[@yrm1594]

​@@rodrigoandorinha9259Lol, yt kids would be even harder to explain 😂

[@LecherousLizard]

@@yrm1594 YT Kids? At that point it'd be better to just give them direct access to exhentai.

[@Gilhelmi]

I am loving this story. I do hope that the next chapters come out soon. I want to learn about the mystery of why humans know about dragons. How are the humans going to be involved with the galaxy at large? What sort of laws will need to be passed about humans wanting to have consensual sex with every species? (And if you think that there is a species that no one would want to bang, then you are still pure of heart. Please leave the den of vile villainy before you are corrupted...... it is to late for the rest of us.)

[@brokenlord3218]

I can't find this story anymore on reddit

[@loganshaw4527]

Female aliens exist very male human 😍

[@kubox000]

I honestly had thought for a moment that if there would be a species that has toxic (for humans) fluids and incompatible mating method then no one would want to bang them especially out of fear of death. However then I really pondered about it and realized that it would be only a challenge and not disqualifying traits for some people.

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

yeah theires a story about humans in the future called charge of the bug boys thats pretty funny

[@Gabriel-tr1dp]

“Thick thighs save lives” Amazing

[@mfowler2246]

Couldnt hold back a chuckle when i realized Laura had Rammstein as her alarm

[@maxxcarver1525]

Yup. 😁

[@joshuawilliams8921]

Noticed that too huh 🤔 Even with it not being read to the beat I had the song in my head

[@WE_DONT_LIE]

Ah a classic

[@vinnyganzano1930]

Works for me and I'm Scottish.

[@MegaZylla]

Lol, I was reading that thinking, that's familiar (English is my only language), read it over and over again, WAIT, is that Rammstien ?, pull up Bang Bang lyrics, son of a ...

[@OneCanisLupus]

So awesome to finally have a galactic story where humans aren't wimps of the said galaxy.

[@ndld4955]

Ya .. honestly refreshing..

[@elduquecaradura1468]

well, this kind of stories already existed, one example of this is Warhammer 40K, wich puts in a weird position the humanity in a "deus ex machina winning" and "deus ex machina loosing" to give some... spice to the plot this cathegory you are talking anyways is the HFY (Humanity Fuck Yeah!)

[@hollyferay8131]

I look forward to multiple follow-up series following the human students

[@someoneawesome8717]

Human strategists are quite impressive

[@MizukiStone44]

Glory to the spinny rock (which is not here)! Hell of a story to get in it's totality, but a fun one. I rather enjoyed how well you did giving all the key character's their own 'voice' based on their personalities. It was good!

[@razorburn645]

Interesting and they found our internet.... god help them. Also telling humans that war has no rules.... oh my. Barry clearly subscribes to the "lay dragons " instead of "slay dragons" philosophy. .

[@joshuawilliams8921]

Ya mate bad idea to tell Humans anything in war is acceptable, Didn’t they see earlier in the book what we tend to do just to interrogate one of our own people. Never tell us to take off the kid gloves. Lol 😂

[@ClayinSWVA]

He is the bard of the group and plays the skin-flute.

[@ianharrison5758]

@@joshuawilliams8921 yeah, if one of their own military kids was a step away from calling our torture, things we knowingly do to a human being, what the hell do they think were gonna do to a species we could make the entire species see as lesser than us with a few good propaganda reels. We dehumanize eachother to such extreme extents in our worst moments in history it takes a fool to believe they will get that level of treatment at our best when they weren’t even from the same planet

[@jzapien1377]

The dragon fucker main lined cocaine then proceeded to beat two pirates to death and shoulder carry said slain dragon and that’s double his size. At least I’ve got an idea for for a bard barbarian multi class.

[@LTDroz]

Better yet, make them a halfling to represent size

[@crayzkato6607]

Dnd dragons are a bit bigger

[@jzapien1377]

@@crayzkato6607 my point stands

[@elduquecaradura1468]

@@jzapien1377 he's american Zapien. Make him ranger.

[@LecherousLizard]

Double his size, but probably not in weight. Even if her wings are mostly vestigial, it'd likely mean space dragons are a bit more like birds as far as bone density and such goes. Likely evolved on a lower gravity world too.

[@michatomaszewski9388]

Honestly I can't believe someone didn't make anime about this

[@spacetechempire510]

With enough money we can.

[@cruelmilk4465]

Why does it always have to be an anime!?!!??!

[@michatomaszewski9388]

@@cruelmilk4465 because Western media sucks

[@sadsongs7731]

@@cruelmilk4465 > Why does it always have to be an anime!?!!??! There is a wonderful video here on youtube that explain why people prefer anime to western media. The video's title is: Why Western Media Sucks & How Cyberpunk Edgerunner's Subverts It

[@89Keith]

@@cruelmilk4465 because western media (in particular comic and cartoons) hasn't had more than a handful of new idea in decades. Japan will explore different concepts or make variations of something and characters; meanwhile what reboot of batman are we on since 1930?

[@alaric5521]

This is hilarious on so many levels the pervert dragon and alluring to romance with the chill american with said dragon to the angery French man not getting cooked food to the cocaine guns it's just so beautifully hilarious

[@ndld4955]

"Her tongue danced excitedly inside her maw, hoping there'd be a few males in the four students coming to the Rar Meena academy"😏👉🍆🐲 Wow be careful what u wish for ... On both sides..😏 When the henti wants the guy more than he wants it 😳😳😳🤣 And no ... don't tell me this isn't exactly what was meant.. lol😂

[@razorburn645]

Uh... She dragged the Frenchman into her depraved diplomacy. There was an explicitly chapter.

[@vickymoreira1260]

And both girls ready to give warcrimes advice

[@elduquecaradura1468]

@@vickymoreira1260 they are both german and japanese, considering the favorite weapons of the germans in WW1 (flammerwerfers and different and colorful kinds of gases) and japanese during 99.9% before "two suns" falled over them... kinda gives them a lot of experience

[@elduquecaradura1468]

@@razorburn645 that chapter didn't appeared here

[@drnobody1908]

I need more for dragon x Barry seriously I'm no furry but I've always been fascinated by the romance that comes with unknown territory. They're probably the only interspecies couple to have occurred naturally. I read the introduction to dragon biology 101 however it took the romance out of it and was stated to not be fully accurate to the canon (which I'm happy about). But still I see this romance blooming and I wanna see what comes of it especially when her dad finds out.

[@howlingcommandose]

Ya, but she seems more reptile then mammal. The parts just don't work right.

[@drnobody1908]

@@howlingcommandose So? It's just romance don't need to have sex and hell they still managed to do that so I see no issues.

[@howlingcommandose]

@@drnobody1908 but she plans on having sex with a human. She is the one with intentions of making him her furry.

[@drnobody1908]

@@howlingcommandose and? That's their relationship

[@GenesisHD]

You weird for this one chief

[@Doktor_Lutscher]

I love these stories of how brutal we are, despite managing to convince most of ourselves out of it, I want more "fear from xeno-scum" stories!

[@cloudedarctrooper]

I always love stories where an alien species is flattered by us having the term of "dragon" to describe them with :D

[@iamalpharius114]

plant pirate: does pirate stuff Unsupervised buff human high on cocaine and adrenaline: *only thing they fear is you intensifies"

[@matthewgordon3281]

I sat and listened to the whole thing in one sitting, could not stop. The author of this clearly has sooo many interesting ideas. Would love to see a novel by them, in this setting or otherwise.

[@lupaswolfshead9971]

as i understand it this is a prequel story in this authors metaverse

[@mindassassin]

She finds furries PANIK! She's kind of into it Calm

[@LecherousLizard]

The lusty -argonian- draconian -maid- student plot gets completely dropped *_PANIK_*

[@sgtrock68]

Oh god, "splashing back on him the vomit Jean had just hurled, causing him to repeat the cycle" made me laugh so hard I almost passed out! I can't even rewrite that part without going into a fit. That was unexpected.

[@aaronclemons2287]

Best part was “chill” Barry begins beating his chest thinking “I am not going out like some chump!”

[@bryancondrey6457]

Definitely HULK mode...

[@mileselon1339]

FLORIDA MAN WAS AWAKENED! HE CAN LEAP INTO THE AIR AND SHOOT LASERS FROM HIS EYEBALLS!! ONCE I SAW HIM TURN MIKE INTO A GECKO!!

[@Justin-tw5ig]

What is this!? This is awesome! I'm not even 15 minutes into the story and I'm having a hard time leaving my lunch break to go back to work. I hope there is more like this on the channel... I will have to wait till after work to find out.

[@SolitaireEldar]

I just listen to it at work. The hell with just on my lunch break.

[@ianharrison5758]

@@SolitaireEldar KZbin premium coming in clutch getting rid of the adds and shit

[@jaanuspapp1333]

"Are there any rules?" "What do you mean rules, its a war, there arent any." Me: Well, there arent any rules yet. Geneva convention, more like geneva suggeations

[@joe31226]

the geneva to do list

[@LecherousLizard]

Geneva bucket list.

[@steveradroach9101]

"They do not kill a another one to get his organs" Yeahhh,about that 😅

[@thehalberdier4774]

The Ukrainians and Chinese would nervously agree. Technically American doctors do not 'kill' patients listed as organ donors, but certainly won't go out of their way to save them if they have head wounds and pristine organs. Kidneys are very profitable!

[@steveradroach9101]

@@thehalberdier4774 Yep,you can't prove me black Market for Organs isn't a real thing sadly.

[@razorburn645]

Let's just say it's frowned upon.

[@themotions5967]

@@steveradroach9101 probably should have been more specific as to say that it was not required to be lethal and that organ harvesting that actively results in death is seen as mostly morally objectionable by most cultures.

[@ianharrison5758]

That’s the type of thing where I think the alien was right but didn’t have the full picture. 99% of us, at least I hope, wouldn’t approve of nor stand for normalized organ trafficking, it’s just that those organs are very valuable and we don’t have the resources allocated to the places needed to be able to tell if a listed donor was actually a victim of medical malpractice and there are still many places where you can just disappear bc Jeffry learned how much a liver is worth

[@jayeisenhardt1337]

The Spark. Reminds me of something I re-watched recently. "Imagination is a weapon. Those who fail to use it, die first." Oh yeah that Goblin Slayer anime. He was always wasting those monster any way he could think of.

[@angelajaime5155]

It's a custom in many countries, for women to stay in their parents home until they get married, it's not weird, and as long as the child (men too) contributes significantly to the household, it's not weird at all.

[@lordofswarm538]

1:39:14 so Laura has Ramstein as her alarm? A woman after my own heart. An Awesome song off of their album "Mutter", if I'm remembering correctly. It's been years since I've listened to it, perhaps just since my own college aged years.....

[@raphfelix6305]

yeah, I was like HOLD ON A HOT MINUTE! IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?! it is.

[@Rewal15]

True representation of german culture❤

[@Stone_Cold_Steve_Autisim]

Super good story and narration could easily be adapted into a series of novels

[@kingmasterlord]

we have a fascination with preserving history because it's been taken from us. humans have been around for 400,000 years and we have records going back 10,000.

[@lancejobs]

That description of dogs is beautiful.

[@jhaersnfenubaldocastaneda9114]

This whole thing was a sucker punch into my mind ten times and I want more.

[@styks5960]

For the war discussion when I heard no rules I instantly thought "Chemical warfare" and "arson" which devolved into "Flammable toxic weaponry"

[@gheshRhogar]

I have continuously been confused by the size of this station, as it seems to be simultaneously large and small, with multiple decks that can be sprinted across and a gundam arena, yet the entire student body can fit inside a single room. The head engineer was randomly run into and a single room feeds the entire student body and presumably staff too?

[@benben3277]

I think it's a sort of set up based on the Spark, some years there are more with the spark from the other species, but others they need only a single classroom?

[@baumholderh8425]

I think the system is more like the Japanese where you stay with your class for the whole day. In their system the teacher goes from classroom to classroom instead of the students moving around. So there are other classrooms of student, just not named. Either that or it’s to show how dumb the rest of the galaxy is with this basically being the universes geniuses. Also with the single room feeding everyone, with future technology if you can fit everything in one room why would you not make it one room, it’s a waste otherwise.

[@benben3277]

@@baumholderh8425 I mean true, I always thought that was more efficient of a teaching method for teachers and students.

[@Gilhelmi]

I think that the station is decently sized. However, the number of students and staff is low. I would say that the station is about the size of a 1000 student high school in America. But with a population of 200 people. Maybe 75-100 students and around the same number of staff. (Need more staff to run the station itself than a ground based school.)

[@gabrielabatista6016]

@@baumholderh8425 oh, that's also the Brazilian system! We use it because having entire classes of students going in and out every 30 to 50 minutes would cause imense chaos in the corridors. If it's anything like that, each class probably has a code, like "1-A" for first grade class A, or something of similar nature, to identify it. And there's probably a central room/corridor that fits the entire student body; on my old school we used the indoor gym/sport area (idk how to translate, think of a sport area which is a indoor football field and basketball court fused together) for that, because it was the largest space available and it connected to the main corridor/patio, which in turn connected all other spaces in the school. Wouldn't surprise me if they have a large room like that that they use for large reunions or announcements; it's probably a central area too so it can connect to all other areas.

[@thomash2959]

Definitely want another story on this its great

[@athopi]

Good characters! Hope to hear more of their exploits and adventures in the near future!

[@smaragdwolf1]

1. Error: They accessed our Internet withour proper Guidances. This could have caused serious mental damage. 2. Is it just me or is the Dragon-Girl a bit TO interested in human Stories about Dragons, Knights and the Damsel in Distress?^^ On the other Hand, Barry does seem to be kinda friendly towards her. I see potencial for sub-Plot XD 3. Great..... they shot a male US-Teenager with adrenaline-rush with cocaine. That was like an invitation to get beaten up. 4. Sounds fun to interact with these Aliens and explain them what an absurd and dangerous Species we are^^ 5. im worried for this Universe... if the other Species really would have no clue about Food-preparation, if feel sad for them. If there are predatory Species that only eat raw meat and herbivores who eat just fruits, what makes this us? Apex-Omnivores with the power of Spices? XD

[@slacksviii9824]

to be fair, after she found human dragon hentai and found out humans fuck like rabbits compared to her people she did say she was hoping there would be male humans...

[@elduquecaradura1468]

"Apex-Omnivores with the power of Spices? XD" Portugal and England: rub their hands eagerly

[@elduquecaradura1468]

@@slacksviii9824 she did it so swiftly that she could make proud all redditors and 4channers with such prowress

[@mileselon1339]

We would straight up be the Kings and Queens of Survival

[@randommoron9892]

Laura listening to rammstein in the morning is amazingly relatable

[@MichelleThelwell]

I swear, almost every word out of Barry's mouth makes me uncontrollably laugh! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@dukeynukey6725]

*Oh god she found found monster girl art*

[@Sanquinity]

She stumbled upon the furries. :P

[@maxxcarver1525]

Real life with Monster Girls! Lol. 😉

[@scoundral2995]

@@Sanquinity Scalies I guess, same thing but yeah

[@LecherousLizard]

Worse. It was e621.

[@UCannotDefeatMyShmeat]

I love how hilariously inept the aliens have to be for us to work

[@coltondaugherty6311]

I love all the stories you post here they are amazing!

[@spacewolfblackmane19]

Nice, my respect to my fellow American for baking the dragon wifu

[@kevingalipean472]

In less than what seems to be a week, the humans invented cooking, theorized war crimes to aliens, piloted a giant mecha, had "intimate relations" with a dragon like species, got drugged with space cocaine, and killed a bunch of space pirates. Yep, James T. Kirk would be proud. Praise man, and woe be to our unfortunate enemies.

[@banusebian5083]

The worst ting a alien should discover about us is the internet over 15% of the internet is inappropriate content

[@novasvendsen4226]

15%!?! I think youre lowbaling it a bit dude.

[@mileselon1339]

The Other % is about History, Guns, Games, Audiobooks, Comedy, Action, And a plethora of videos.

[@LecherousLizard]

@@novasvendsen4226 The estimates put it at about 5% of websites being porn. Well, on the other hand dark web is estimated to be at least as big as the "overworld" net, so that'd be hard to quantify. Not to mention that normal web websites with registration requirement to see content classify as dark web too. Also while the internet development was, in fact, spearheaded by porn, it has since grown quite tremendously in other areas.

[@scythianking7315]

So NO ONE in the comments picked up on the fact that it was implied that Barry and Dragon Girl had some sort of secret romance? They did have that "long chat" by themselves that we never found out about, followed by Barry coming to class with scratches and bruises on his face the next day while wearing a Hoodie(hiding his dragon hickies pehraps). Then we have Dragon girl wink at him in class lol

[@rameymj]

My thoughts too.

[@kloppanator]

Them: "No rules." Humans glancing at each other: "Are you sure you want to do that?" I would watch this anime, though it does somewhat remind me of some already.

[@lotuswraith]

1:36:00 Waking up to Rammstein... aliens are not ready for that.

[@hammerspace8866]

ah, I just love this story. I just listened to it again today. There is just something in this kind of story that just makes it really enjoyable.

[@TheMartianReport]

lmfao when the author names the lead engineer "Schotee" 🤣

[@ChaosYami]

I just can't get over the whole "Dragon alien wants a human mate thanks to the internet" just 😂

[@colmmurphy3130]

Would love to see a continuation to this

[@bobdrooples]

Barry sounds like a 40 year old hey-fellow-kids FBI agent.

[@patrickmcabee123]

Very cool.., kinda like “Harry Potter” meets “Enders Game”….😎 Neat episode..👍🏼

[@theanimal4165]

This was so good i hope there is a sequel to this one day.

[@theduke7539]

My Boi Barry out here Representin the states! in his first week of school, he impresses the class, picks up a new sport, sleeps with a damn dragon, beats up some terrorists and takes cocaine!

[@CHILLVIBES_STUDIO437]

The Emu war barry was referring to Happened in Australia. Where the Army was called in to deal with a emu problem and the army lost.

[@mileselon1339]

They lost officially but it was 3 guys vs.... thousands and they lost 0 Of those 3 guys. Yes officially it was a loss, but militarily, if you said that was a failure then that's just stupid. The purpose of that war was to reduce the population of the Emus.... Task accomplished what more do you idiots want?!

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

the first story...i foresee an sudden investor desire.. from BOTH directions to set up a civilian station near human home space for trade and exchange of ....'services'.. XD aww...schotee ,sounded quite alright... responsible ''this is work space even if you are 'gifted' sho sho!'' ...and yet happy to take a moment of time to help the new one out..not to mention ,while making contacts with academia might be good for potential carrier ,having friends in maintenance might give you insights into areas that current tech could use refinement one way or another... giving an angle for things not immune on any 'patronage' changes so to speak

[@kusada3035]

1:00:30 that's no chief engineer, that's a miracle worker

[@harrygrimley4352]

Loved this. Thanks for sharing this with us.

[@John-ci8yk]

Thank you and thumbs up, I'm really enjoying these stories.

[@Gigastro]

Really loved this! Both the story and the narration are both stellar!

[@hydrogenone6866]

"They shot him with cocaine" Me: HAHAHA

[@stuckonaslide]

the fact that the german asked about war crimes is a fucking violation

[@malinyberg75]

Ye

[@Mr.Grinns]

One thing i kind of find weird about this story is its more written as some highschool fantasy rather than what might actually happen in this scenario. Four separate govermental bodies, sending four children out into space with no communications, no supply line, and no government/authority liaison to at least smooth their stay is so dumb i cant even comprehend.

[@cmdrwilmot2696]

Big thing that threw me was the food. You would need to make sure that alien food and atmosphere was compatible with human biology. And the fact that there was no knowledge of humans needing cooked food suggests so little preparation that clearly no one on either side did any actual work investigating potential issues. It would be forgivable if they were sent a cook and a food supply to last their stay, but apparently the authorities were fine sending some college students on a five month journey with no extra food for a return trip if anything happened. Guess if things hadn't worked out, all four would have just starved.

[@Mr.Grinns]

@@cmdrwilmot2696 "sorry sir/ma'am, your son/daughter perished. How? Oh we forget to send them any sort of supplies aside from the overnight bags they packed out to literally space"

[@Sanquinity]

Well it's clearly not written by an experienced writer. It does read more like some highschool fantasy. But that's fine imo. HFY/HASO stories don't need to all be top level. :P Don't forget it's still just random reddit users writing them. Could be a 14 year old highschooler writing out their fantasy, could be a professional novelist writing out a fun idea for a short story they had.

[@DgShadowChocolate]

Because heaven forbid we have fun around here.

[@ianharrison5758]

I mean yeah it’s dumb but this story also includes a mech suit fight and a college aged American going sicko mode on sapient plants before and after being shot with literal cocaine. I don’t mind it not being realistic when I don’t think it was ever trying to be

[@FirstIsa]

What no comment on the fact that our lightning storms frequently generate positrons? You gotta figure not many planets generate antimatter on a regular basis.