Aspergers and Employment - Part 2: Keeping a Job - Common Issues in the Workplace

[@sixzerothreeonesevensixnine]

I live in the North of England. My problem is this. You have highlighted ways in which in you deal with the workplace. But the North of England, people's attitudes are as follows: I would explain a limitation or requirements and 9 times out of 10 they just ignore it. Rather than labor the point and force them to acknowledge they've understood, to keep things peaceful I would just accept they understand and have taken a least said soonest mended type of approach. The next thing someone I've assumed will understand behaves in a way that triggers me and I then have to reiterate what I'd said previously. They then get hostile because 'some spastic' has pulled them up. I them dial right up to 10 and lay into them. That situation has gone on all my life. I'm 45 next month. Then because of my outburst the other person is seen as the victim and I'm seen as somebody who thrives on chaos and confrontation. Its by avoiding confrontation in the first place that it ends up in confrontation in the end. I firmly believe that the north of England has a higher percentage of person who takes this approach with people. When my dad dies I'm planning to move away but can't until then. Sorry for the long comment.

[@autismfromtheInside]

It's definitely difficult, especially in cultures that avoid confrontation (as you describe). Unfortunately we can't force people to understand. My strategy in those types of situations is to try my best to build one or two close friendships and then after they like me they're more likely to listen and slowly come to understand, and then they can help explain to others on my behalf (it's less direct that way).

[@paulmichaelfreedman8334]

Sorry to say but it's the same here. I live in the Netherlands (Rotterdam) but am british born (Parents were Goerdies). Lived in netherlands most of my life but never understood why I could not get along with many dutch people. Turns out it was me. And people can't handle me (most of them)

[@lewisdoherty7621]

I have said when someone does something I have asked them not to, "I guess you can't modify your behavior to me any more than I can modify my reaction to your behavior, so we are just stuck." This makes them realize it isn't just something that seems to be my fault. It also is a good saying to reduce them complaining to others.

[@autismfromtheInside]

Good tip! It's always hard to find little ways to encourage others to share responsibility (rather than letting them say it's all your fault).

[@BetaBuxDelux]

MetalMickey Do they do it on purpose? I know I've been bullied in the past because I can't help but react. I switched jobs the last time this happened and was happy in another job for 9 years.

[@yurigagarin1728]

I'm 26 and I've been fired from over 70 jobs. I'm socially fine actually, but that communication point you made was a massive part of why I was fired so often. I zone out a lot, I get very easily overwhelmed, and I can only manage moving slightly slower than the other people at work. I'm often treated like I'm stupid and a nuisance and I'm often told that I don't have "common sense". My life has very little stability or predictably because of all this and it's a fucking nightmare.

[@joseryanalmodovar5877]

Hi Michael, i just read your comment and i can relate to this! i felt compelled to share this with you: when times feel chaotic it helps me to have a set daily routine of things that i enjoy doing along with chores that need to get done. then as a reward i like to treat myself with something that i like (such as a snack/food item or perhaps time listening to music..). it might not help so much for work related issues but at least it may help to provide some sense of stability. all the best, Ryan

[@dany8719lol]

My prayers dude but there’s millions of jobs and billions of ways to executive it learn what you good with and run with it avoid the bad

[@yurigagarin1728]

@@joseryanalmodovar5877 Thank You man, I'm gonna try getting back to that. It seemed to really work for me for a while, I appreciate the advice!

[@javierp.852]

It may not mean much, but I know your pain, I hope the best for you....I really do.

[@yurigagarin1728]

@Yeah hey man, I'm working at the moment unloading trucks for FedEx. If you're looking for a job where you barely speak to anyone and have the same start time everyday, I recommend it. Plus blue collar environments are less sensitive with social rules. I also worked for many years now as a traffic controller which was also good. I'm guessing given that you're on the spectrum, that you're smart and this would just be a day job while you study. Both might be good options for you 🙂

[@virglibrsaglove]

I've recently been learning to just not tell people my weeknesses. In my experience, people don't accommodate. They resent our needs that clash with theirs. Even worse, they resent being asked to change. Instead of making small changes themselves, they use our vulnerability against us. Better to just hide that it bothers us. (Currently, my neighbors are using cigarette smoke against me. I wish I never would have told them that it bothers me.) The sad thing is, if someone told me that they had a sensitivity to something I would try my very best not to do it around them. Most of my life I have assumed that other people would behave that way toward me. But I have found that that's almost never the case. For some reason most people do the opposite and deliberately hurt us instead. This is why animals hide illness and injury in the wild. Sad, but in my experience, true.

[@Xaeravoq]

The social aspect is a nightmare for me.

[@spyro37]

Agreed! I'm like why am I being written up? I was saying a complement? All I said was cool pants? But you can complement my shoes? I don't understand the difference?

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

Same, especially with the requirement to "push back" on the aggressive "social tests" Interrupt them like a jerk because it's a test, if they bite back they pass - otherwise it's lower on the social scorecard ladder and ostracism that violates harassment policies but still occurs silently.

[@AnthonyRochester]

A lot of people at work seem to have come to the conclusion that I'm not a friendly person so they reciprocate unfriendliness. It doesn't help. I guess they have no idea about Aspergers.

[@lute966]

Anthony Rochester maybe try the approach of: bring something like a cake tell them you want to share it during coffee break and explain you have the impression you might have offended some of them because (add a social skill you don't 'excell' like blunt when giving your opinion, too harsh when tired) they will see you trying to apologise, maybe they will be able to tell you what 'hurt' them so you can avoid repeating the error ;)

[@garrettfornea1088]

I recommend a video eliciting the different unwritten rules of professionalism - you know, everything they think they shouldn't have to tell you or that is or isn't "professional."

[@autismfromtheInside]

Thanks for the suggestion Garrett:)

[@JoJohXD]

The chitchat and gossip it's the thing that makes me distant myself, also they love to discuss who died on the weekend

[@BigBishop609]

Yeah. The gossip and venting is what I hear on a day to day basis.

[@rockrecordreport7136]

I kept my mouth shut at a couple of jobs and lasted a lot longer and was appreciated more than I would have been had I been more outspoken like I was at other jobs. It is possible to stay under the radar and head to the grindstone. This sometimes good advice for all workers in work environments.

[@paulmichaelfreedman8334]

Hi, new to the aspie community as I have known only for a few weeks now that I have Aspergers. I am 46 and it has rocked my world finally finding out why I always was the outcast (from very young) among many other social weirdnesses. I am coming to grasps with it (before this was diagnosed I was extremely depressed because I didn't know what was wrong with me) and rediscovering my confidence. And I am not ashamed at all, I am proud of the way I think because as most of us aspies know, we never bluff and we always mean what we say.

[@autismfromtheInside]

Thanks Paul! Welcome to the Aspie Community! :)

[@TheTheoser]

Man. You are damn right. We always mean what we say

[@OrthodoxChristian809]

I’m switching to nightshift because of the sensory difficulties. I also react badly to perfume and air fresheners. Life at work is a constant string of adjustments that I have to do in order to cope. It’s such hard work and can be very miserable and so tiring.

[@javierp.852]

Thank you for shearing, I hope the best for you.

[@notquitehim]

All of this resonated so much with me, I got a job as a software engineer, after doing pretty well on my technical interview with the head of engineering and proving I know how to design algorithms and code. The first assignment they gave was something that was extremely challenging for me because it required little programming and a ton of meetings with multiple teams, planning writing up documentation etc. Stuff that should essentially be easier than the actual coding bit but they assumed I would be good at since I'm a good at more complicated things. There were 2 guys who joined the company a month or so after I did, I noticed they were very charismatic and withing a few days were already joking around some of the other colleagues I barely had ever talked to. Fast forward a few months they were promoted despite not necessarily working harder, they just were really good at making friends and asking those friends for help. I guess it paid off for them to go out for drinks after work, I was never invited

[@traceycrawford9938]

I have a saying in life that ‘the best actors, win’! If you can ‘play the role’ and ‘perform’ the way you’re supposed to/expected to in any situation (and make it look genuine and effortless) you will go far in life. It feels to me me like it’s a big game/act that I never have the energy to keep up!

[@pedrova8058]

When I finished studying I had to do an internship for 3 months. All good, an incredible guy in the technical field -which was what worried and interested me. Maximum grade in that, but a poor grade in the rest "because he socialized little with his co-workers." And the whole story was the same: I was supposed to arrive at X time, have lunch between Y and Z, and work finished at 18. While I organized everything in the morning, the rest of the office chatted late over morning coffee . Then, lunchtime, I had everything ready, but the rest of the people were working because of the delay in starting the day. And then, towards the end of the day, everyone stopped actively working 30 or even 40 minutes early, so that when I left there was almost no one left (I was locked up once for that, luckily I was able to call a guard and I didn't spend the night there) In the end, they hired the guy who worked less than me, but had more social life in the office... more conversations over coffee in the morning, more early exits to the bar around the corner... How was I supposed to assume that the "formal" schedules were not actually respected to the letter? and the "socialization" -which I lacked- did I have to do it within that work schedule? I think I've had a problem with that all my life: how and when the "rules" are not supposed to be rigid. My second or third readings about something ("common sense") almost never coincide with what other people do about the same thing

[@Autisticheather]

I recently got fired for the following * Refusal to follow rules that i thought were inethical * compulsive over communication * inability to change plans at the last minute * not doing something that was pointless just to please the bus *not using a communication app because i could not understand how it worked regardless if how many times they explained it to me And what's worse is that not a singke coworker contacted me to find out i was gone. And i thought they cared about me, like me, were my friends. I spent an inordinate amount of energy trying to be properly social and worrying what they thought.. turns out i was wrong and that they didn't think of me at all. Basically the only thing that works for me is self-employment

[@virglibrsaglove]

This was both stressful and validating to watch. Because this is so me. Being an Auspi is one of the many reasons why I work from home now.

[@-themarwickshow6247]

Thank you. I am going to start making videos about autism. I am 51 years old and didnt know that I am asberger. Have a degree and had a sucesfull worklife. High skilled. Hit rock bottom.

[@brennameyer5976]

I really enjoy your videos. They are very helpful. Although telling people the things Im really bad at usually backfires as they try to force me to be good at it. I remember at my 3rd job I tried to explain that i had a lot of trouble understanding people over the phone and instead of letting me answer the phone less, they forced me to make every phone call to “break me of this social anxiety” even though it wasnt anxiety. It was Aspergers :/

[@autismfromtheInside]

yeah, that's annoying when that happens :(

[@roughwoof]

*OMG GOD YES.... THANK YOU. I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO EXPRESS THE THINGS I NEED WITHOUT CAUSING UNNECESSARY DRAMA IN MY WORK LIFE. I'VE HAD MULTIPLE EMPLOYERS TELL ME THAT I AM A LIABILITY BECAUSE I CAN'T PERFORM THE SIMPLE FUNCTIONS BUT I CAN DO IT... I JUST NEED A LITTLE BIT BETTER COMMUNICATION AND THEY ARE TOO LAZY TO PUT IN THE EFFORT. ONCE I UNDERSTAND WHAT I NEED TO DO I AM ALWAYS GOING ABOVE AND BEYOND AND DOING THINGS PERFECTLY. I'M VERY OCD ABOUT MY JOB AND THE THINGS I DO.*

[@SargenSmee]

My sensory issue came up at a job where they were building a skyscraper next door. So much noise! Everyone else seemed okay so I asked to wear the ear protection earmuffs from my last job. That made such a difference as I could still hear people talking and the phone ringing. The social interaction aspect made me laugh as I've mostly worked in reception and would always have to work over the lunch break and I would end up eating on my own later. That worked so well for me!

[@miriamkorver1443]

Yes... having the radio on all day is horrible... I can work with it, but it drains my energy. I also agree on the gaps in skillsets: people assume I can use public transport, but in reality I need to practise going to any location and if I go somewhere I haven't been before, it always leads to panic attacks.

[@autismfromtheInside]

using public transport is a great example! thanks!

[@gahreen01]

Repeating back is a powerful strategy for confirmation and recall! I use it often. For written information especially emails and long texts, I’ll often use the original message as a template and write my response directly over each point, so that I’m sure I at least thoroughly responded even though my response may not be suitable. I used to smoke cigarettes, but now cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke on people. One thing that I struggled with constantly is people without special needs getting special/favored treatment.

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

I never thought that I would be saying this, but my job let me go last week. It was quite deceiving too, because my boss told me that "She appreciated me just for coming to work" (she told me 2-3 weeks ago). As I suspected, you should never let other coworkers know that you are feeling stressed and/or exhausted; especially since she (quote) "hires people based on their personality, not their skills". And she says that she doesn't know who's to blame for the dining room not being clean enough, but she is putting it on ME because I am supposed to perform as a supervisor (when the person I was training wouldn't clean things when I asked her to (she would argue with me instead)). So, because I was completely burned out anyways, I didn't fight very hard to keep my job, but said to her, "What if it's the new girl that's leaving things dirty? Is that fair to me?" She pauses, and says no. But continued on firing me anyway. And now I wonder how I am going to survive any food or retail job where they keep places understaffed; where I literally had to unload the delivery truck by myself, and put it all away (in a timely fashion). I left my pay stub there so that they will literally think about me every time someone sees it sitting on the counter. l am hoping to sell art 😕.

[@ilovemybeard3394]

I almost lost my Job…really close too and had to really pay attention, and had several writeups for the most ridiculous stupid things -Poor Communication -leaving to stay hydrated for water (snitches) even though I told them that I will be right back I have to get a drink -No compliments for my hard work when I give it 110% -always shamed when I do good work Oh I could go on and on, and it’s a never good enough…I could ask a simple question like “ Hey…what days off do I have this week?” The response from my supervisor would be something like “Where you even here when we talked about this?” -- proceeds to get snide and not tell me the days I have off. My workplace is not autistic friendly and it hurts, but I am thankful that I still have a job, but my fear is one more wrong move and if some employee is triggered or disturbed because I’m “different” they run and tell their lie to a supervisor and I could lose my job That is my biggest fear…so hang in there I know how you feel and I’m sorry that you lost your job because they are bullies Hopefully you can find something better and looking out…much love and stay strong 💪

[@turtleanton6539]

Wow

[@nsa7637]

For me, the biggest problem in the workplace is not burning out from boredom from performing the same task hundreds of times a day everyday, when the boss won't listen to my suggestions on how to make things more productive. Therefore, I left the workplace for academia, where being productive is actually a good thing.

[@wealthyintime1]

People treated me like crap at my last regular job. I would point something out on co-workers paperwork (which was my job) and they take a hissy fit because they think they did not make a mistake. Then I go back to my office and my boss always said in a harsh tone "Be careful how you say things to people" . Apparently, the boss would say the exact thing to his wife when she called him at work about any issue she mentioned in which she talk to someone.

[@Maria-jn4vf]

Great video! I think I might have Aspergers (have been on a wait list to be assessed for 18 months now)! and I have never been able to stay in the same job for more than a year. I really struggle with building good relationships with my boss and colleagues at work and I’m a very shy person. I’m 44 years old. I also struggle with friendships outside of work and find it difficult to keep friends.

[@SitaraAleu]

My partner’s solution at work for my difficulties understanding and following directions was as follows; “You’re a grown up. Get over it.” Yeah, thanks a lot, “Hannah”. That was a real help. -_-

[@pleromicpastry5445]

Hannah sounds as if she's projecting. Telling someone with autism (especially if they know you're on the spectrum) to grow up is quite immature.

[@callmecharlottex]

See that's what I feel like I have to do now, I'm 27, and autistic, never had a paid job, but I feel like I just have to stop acting like a baby and just get on with it now

[@elizabethowen8559]

Break up with her, she is not supportive and understanding.

[@1200times]

@@elizabethowen8559 agreed.

[@LeobenWolf]

I had to send someone an email in my workplace because they wore too strong a perfume. Thankfully I had built a friendly relationship with her and she took it very well (I also labored for hours over the wording of the email to make it incredibly nice). I chose the method of email because I get emotional and tongue-tied when involved in even the slightest amount of confrontation, but with writing I can make sure that the way the email is taken is almost exactly how I intend it. I do this by pretending I'm them and then reading the email from their perspective. It's not a perfect method because how could I know exactly how they might read it? However it seemed to work so perhaps this can be a potential option for others who also connect with writing out their thoughts :)

[@camellia8625]

I find that writing can be the best way to resolve conflicts

[@janethomas78]

I always repeat back what people are asking- they feel heard and understood and if there is an issue it is presented! THANK YOU!!

[@christinab.2864]

gorilla twist even if I repeat what you asked and explain it to me again it’s not enough I have a poor vocabulary.

[@lewisdoherty7621]

I'm just the opposite. I'm able to remember all of the points when I read, while oral/audio conversations are less reliable. I think another factor is that Aspie's tend to focus intensely. Reading occurs at the time one sets aside time from other tasks to do that task. The written communication is initiated at the point the writer wants to do it and it is read at the point the recipient is ready to receive it. Oral/Audio communications occur at the point one party decides to initiate them. This means the Aspie is concentrating on something else at the point the information intrusion occurs. On the other hand, if the Aspie initiates the oral/audio communication, the other party also is likely doing something and the information becomes fragmented. The old truism, "If it isn't written, it doesn't exist," comes to mind.

[@LilFoxyCosplay]

I always worry ill get in trouble or fired it makes me put more effort in but also causes me to burn out easier My first job I didn't make it past a day due to a meltdown caused by masking and stress

[@murtazaarif6507]

I think that's where I confuse the trait of missing information with detail orientation. It seems like we have to be very interested in something to be detail orientated. I didn't think I was detail orientated but maybe I was confusing both traits, Also, I love teamwork for the reason of different talents coming together. I think this could work particularly work well for me if I started a business that deals with the creative arts because this is my strong point. This thought provides me with a sense of security because two minds that process information in a similar way are stronger together.

[@alexb.poetry]

Today is the first day there are no disruptions at my workplace (people, radio, phone calls) and my productivity has skyrocketed!!! I may need to work alone in an isolated office lol

[@starburst9053]

I just made the connection why I'm obsessed with winning the lottery.... so I don't have to deal with being around people in the workplace 😣

[@nl9807]

Thak you! This problems i so hard to handle and it feels nice that I am not alone...🙏

[@FeliciaShare]

I recognize all of these. What If I'm easily manipulated. An gas lighted. I'm afraid to go back to work

[@facemonkey13]

I would love to be able to watch ads on your videos to help support your content. This content is the most helpful and relevant I have found, and I wish there was more I could do to support it. Sadly I am not able to contribute to patreon, but I’d watch the heck out of some ads for you!

[@autismfromtheInside]

Thanks! There are plenty of non-financial ways to support. For example sharing videos, telling others about the channel, leaving me feedback so I know what resonates with you (e.g. your comment above). These things help immensely! Thanks again for your support! :)

[@1994glg]

I'm on premium so I'm not getting ads

[@peterdentice5725]

You did a nice job with your efforts to convey the informations intended takeaway without having a ball to bounce. 🤙

[@muscovy5000]

Or not being asked to go to lunch or to after work things, or weekend things. I mean, who spends time with people from work on the weekends anyway? Yet I'm the odd one?

[@lute966]

muscovy5000 have you ever been the 1 to invite? ;) starting a conversation about which foods the other enjoys, a place they like to go to eat, mentioning you would like a chat during lunch could possibly help... I don't want to bash, but my ignorance on autism and aspies, makes me think all have rigid diet habits, unless I got 'invited' by 1, I wouldn't impose by doing the inviting... ;)

[@ninglight4433]

My personal struggle to avoid critical problems in my jobs were never not so much the neurotypical colleagues, as the colleagues who are similar than me (without diagnosing them). Especially when such colleagues hold a long unstoppable rant about their main topic / idea. If the topic is one I am interested in, the rest of the room disappears (highly inappropriate, especially if the bosses "disappear"), if the topic is not interesting for me, I struggle between drifting totally off, shouting or leaving the room (also highly inappropriate). Other aspects of "aspie to aspie like behavor" are also challenging, but the rants are the most complicated one. Note: In my area, aspie behavior (not only the rant, the whole palette) is rather common. Companies send their nerds there to work together. Something like an international Manhattan project without a specific evil enemy. In private life I live in an aspie family, but you can't handle colleagues and bosses like your kids.

[@onlinereal]

I'm diagnosed with ADHD (the hyper on attention deficit) and autism. Weirdly enough some things just cancel out for me. My childhood was a blessing parents had a store and were most of te time bizzy store was in the same building as the living area so just getting attention when I asked for it worked perfectly. It's a pity for my little sister her childhood was just not working for her especially because of the eq thing. She just isn't able to not lie when it's about herself image. The simple fact that I didn't lie about bad things I did and just was oké not to mention hers screwed me later in life. But not to get to autistic and make my initially intended point. I'm so good at masking and just overal not into socializing just because. Being positive and just having the extreme ability to not getting the situation now I'm not getting it and have the extremely crafty language skills to just change the situation into whatever my impression of it was. People are nice and good especially for there own ego. So without even taking effort it's not a big deal the mistake because I do not care what people think In the moment. Just keeping my reaction to the subject and just being fine whit my screwe it I'm going home attitude. Always works out just not having a high priority to the consequences but not oblivious to the fact there may be some woks out just well enough. So jou can understand that not creeping a job isn't a big deal for me. Just totally fine with having to deal with the seasons. In winter there is a high risk of getting depression in me and just being fine with the fact that it was preventable but apparently not one of my highest priorities. If you have to take something from this comment it helps to have completely no morality stakes in the frame job. Sometimes being sad and completely in over my head in controlling the situation is just a simple sine time for my winter sleep now. Resistance Leeds to just the same realization every time. It's me ho is not getting out when there was clearly some shit on the fan. If it's there I have to get out. Fuk feeling good al the time I wouldn't have interest if I didn't have obstacles. I wouldn't have a life if I avoided Al obstacles. I like being me so happy to say do not try this at home. I'm a professionally trained emotional stunt man. who will crash and say to the bystanders lucky there was no one who saw that. I need to go now I am late for my limping and Laing still for a bit yoga.

[@andrewmorton395]

I get stress over the smallist thing. I can never fined things when i put things down.

[@bobitussinX]

I make sure my area (work and home) is organized in a way where I always know where things are (or at least supposed to be) so when I set it down, I know where its supposed to be

[@Kamiljont]

I liked this! I really landed in an understanding of how I used to function in groups. How I had friends and we protected each other, one could say, against bullies and such. Because as a child I just felt awkward, never bullied. But I had friends - and that’s the key. For a while I experienced the friendships as a problem, and wanted to seperate the two. But it all depends on if those relationships are built with integrity or not.

[@Dafoodmaster]

The autistic skill curve is something i have definitely found to be true. I was IQ tested once at high school and it was found i far exeeded my peers in some areas, while my peers far exeeded me in others. It eventually resulted in an IQ of 100, exactly average.

[@autismfromtheInside]

well I hope the experience helped you learn more about yourself than simply pronouncing you 'average' :)

[@MyOutsider]

im struggling with working because of my asperger's.. when im infront of a lot of people, i find it hard to talk without crying.. my team leader finally got tired of my crying and told me to take a leave of absence until I get better.. my mom makes me feel guilty and sad for making the choice to leave my job and look for a different job...

[@SueLyons1]

1. 👍 you really need to be sure that the information is received 👍 👍 👍 2. 👍 lights, background noise, particularly strong perfume ... getting accommodations... try to manipulate my little surroundings to get small concessions that help me to work (e.g. wearing headphones) 3. ❤ our spiky profiles ❤... these kind of gaps in the skill set are incredibly common ... I try to be as up front as possible ... explaining about Aspergers ... with the best of me and the beat ofnyou, we can be a really really strong team 💪 💪 💪 4. 😔 the purely social stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with work 😑 have a really big difference in terms of getting things done 😔 .. All of a sudden, I am then an outsider 😔 even though, inside of work, I am included 😔

[@casper1240]

My daughter works in a large company with lots of people i know she has problems communicating with people and she comes home looking worried every afternoon her main problem is trying to fit in which is very difficult , she seems reluctant to talk about problems at work and is often off sick ,i think she would be better resigning from her position as i think it is making her ill im in the North of England as well my main problem is fitting in and communicating with people

[@brittany3559]

As a person on the spectrum, I’m currently struggling with all of this in my new job, which is a much more corporate environment from my previous jobs. The main issue for me is interpreting information. I get my assignments via an emailed list that only contains brief bullet points with no additional context. Just last week, one of the items on that list had a typo: a comma where there should have been a period. That one gramatical error completely changed the structure of the sentence and thus changed what I understood the actual task to be. It was only once I completed the (incorrect) task that I got the feedback that, although I technically did what was asked of me, I did not do what my boss wanted. She was upset that I didn’t intuitively pick up on the typo in the first place. She said I should have known that what was written was not what she meant.

[@galespressos]

Massively connect with this, especially 2. and 3. Number 3. has been awful because of being then blocked from doing what I’m good at as people assume I must be an idiot, or if people see I’m very good at a number of things and bright then it is assumed I just don’t want to do something and I get removed or disbelieved, or if what I cannot do well is pushed, 98 percent of energy is spent on the something I’m awful at, and sometimes I cannot complete it so the good work I’ve already done gets wasted or I could not enter the data in although the project was done otherwise, or maybe nothing gets done because I couldn’t complete what people assume is easy. Example: essentially flunked data entry at collège several times although I withdrew on time before it got on transcript. The data entry was supposed to be a logic course (that makes no sense) because it was on the computer and was a way for people who were less skilled in the math area to fulfill or get around a requirement. After going through hell on the data entry, I tried at a community college and also had to withdraw. Finally I decided to take the « harder » course, entry level programming, and I aced it. So in the « hard » course, I get an A range grade, and in the « easy « course I get headaches, feel like vomiting, get upset, and get failing results. It been so frustrating when people keep giving me easier and easier work to start or because I wasn’t fast enough to pick up something else easy, and it is in fact hell, and I do worse and worse. Anything of value I could have contributed, picked up more proficiently, or that I am good at gets wasted because it’s assumed I’m an imbecile. Nearly feeling that way myself. Because they insisted, and kept insisting I do something I’m terrible at and didn’t believe me, my value or potential got lost. The wasted value of people is sad. I’ve given up for a while as I’m too tired now. Anyhow, I don’t like to say that I’m glad not to be the only one having such challenges, but it’s somehow a relief to hear others have similar challenges too. Also good to see and know that some people have and can manage. I used to be able to manage mostly too when I was in an environment where I was more respected and believed, and could choose and say what was possible for me to do, and do it. Seems now that the environment has been literally rehabilitating.

[@dazdravstvuet]

Thanks for your presentation. I missed hints at solutions for the last point: social problems. For me they are by far the most severe and disabling aspects of having Aspergers at the workplace! When you don't get along with your collegues as easily as most other people and quickly become the outsider in teams, it may have very bad consequences for yourself (worse than the consequences of all the other issues you mentioned before that), as I know from personal experience. I am still looking for possible solutions for this dilemma. Any clues?!

[@adambutts2608]

I never get invited out

[@pleromicpastry5445]

Adam, what you'll find is that even if/when you get invited out, you end up having a miserable time anyway. ..but I understand. It's nice to be asked.

[@sgordon8123]

Sometimes it's OK to say that you are sad that you are never invited. But try inviting others. Arrange outings and see if you can get maybe one person to start with.

[@Pallasathena-hv4kp]

I can’t “mask” day in and day out 5 days a week full-time. Especially when each day is full of so many variables!! It drives me to desperation. I’ve tried 😢

[@AspieAnswers]

Love this video. Thanks for sharing this...I'm still currently seeking work as well as trying to find out what can be best suited for me etc.. Keep up the good work.

[@autismfromtheInside]

Thanks :)

[@AspieAnswers]

Aspergers from the Inside you're welcome 😄

[@jaan5985]

It's great to help to understand my son thank you very much, god, bless you 👍👏💖

[@micheller3251]

You can discuss a no fragrance policy with your employer, an increasing number of places (especially offices) are implementing this policy to accomodate employees with sensory issues, but also to avoid excess of perfumes and colognes which is bothering most NTs as well anyway.

[@TallMichelleWithTheLongHair]

What about people who single you out and bird dog you because you are different and are not good at social skills?

[@pleromicpastry5445]

Yes, good point. There are many people who prey on those they feel are weaker. They are cowards.

[@DevonExplorer]

It's interesting about being able to get by with the things we can't do, which I've always managed to do with my numbers and symbols difficulty. I can add and subtract really quickly in my head because I wasn't able to learn the times tables and have all sorts of coping methods. Unfortunately, the changeover to the metric system affects me much worse as I can't visualise the larger numbers; they're just completely meaningless to me. And that translates to anything digital. It doesn't matter how much I try I can't use a mobile phone or a digital camera; I can't remember where anything is or what the symbols mean. The last time my son and d-i-l persuaded me to get a phone I tried for half a day and ended up crying my eyes out with a massive headache. So I'd be completely useless in most jobs now. Fortunately I'm retired! LOL.

[@joannesabo4798]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom! Very helpful information.

[@schnitzelschnizel9448]

Think of it this way: Why would you want to get drunk and throw up in a toilet? Hypothesis or an educated guess: Why would you want to get drunk and drive afterwards home and wreck your vehicle potentially? Why would you want to get drunk and get drugged with GHB and they steal your car and have you killed by somebody? It took me literally 7 years to get a car so I would never want to get drunk and then drive and then maybe go to jail for drunk driving.

[@virglibrsaglove]

I agree completely. That, and my time away from work was my time to recouperate from work. Why on earth would I want to give up that time just to have to socialize? I need my time alone.

[@samvingtneuf]

Monday has come around again I'm in the same old place With the same old faces always watching me Who knows how long I'll have to stay Could be a hundred years Of sweat and tears At the rate that I get paid Sometimes I slowly drift away From all the dull routine That's with me every day A fantasy will come to me Diamonds are what I really need Think I'll rob a store, escape the law And live in Italy

[@0000song0000]

when i was younger i would just peek at what everybody was doing at school... As an adult, it's pretty much imposible to understand what people want (cryptic language) or what they are doing (cause everything digital instead of physical materials)

[@neoforce0]

I try to see it this way too as I give my gifts to the table while others give their skills on the table. But the supervisor doesn't see it that way, like if I can't do that then that is what he bases my performance on. I'm currently setting up my accommodations to make sure that he doesn't do that and other things such as understanding and then my requirements for emotional space.

[@barneydenstad2148]

Nr 1 is common for all. That is why the mail programmes commonly used in work have always a confirmation for meeting calls. Nr 4 is the typical for all us aspies.

[@JesusLovesYouPerfectly]

can you talk about what the best way is to cope with a lot of pressure at work when it gets really busy?

[@autismfromtheInside]

Thanks. Good suggestion :)

[@joseafalvel]

Social aspect it's a freakin nightmare to me. I'm pretty sure I'm an aspie, at the workplace I feel that my boss is delighted by some of my skills: good memory, attention to details or that I'm focused on results, on the other hand I have the sensation that most of my co workers have a negative image about myself I feel as they wouldn't want to interact with me I only get along with three or four women in the entire office !!! (and there are more than 100 employees) I asked one of those women whom I interact the most if the other colleagues think i'm weird or if they dislike me, she told me that the popular opinion about me is that I look as if I were always angry, that they don't like the way I respond, that I'm too honest sometimes, that I'm some kind of snowflake because I don't like some types of musice or birthday parties and that I'm inflexible and bossy, It sucks because I would like to have friends, to go out and have fun ocasionally, there are pretty and nice girls at there whom I'd love to have healthy friendships with but they reject me or do I repel them ??? I don't know. But it's a nightmare I have feelings too and I get really depressed knowing that I could be so hateful. I wish I had a bad performance issue instead of this. At least I would have friends to complain with.

[@Sandman03276]

If you see this, please don't shoulder all the responsibility of relationships that are not strong. It seems these women are catty and do not accept diversity - it is unfamiliar to them. I believe you are doing the best that you can and haven't been given the opportunity to be invited 'in'. I am sure that once that happens, they will see you smile more.

[@TSPH1992]

I just stopped giving a fuck about what people think about me in the workplace. I am not there to make friends. I just want to make money and do my job in the best possible way. Even though my productivity might be a little lower than people who don't have the same "manual"

[@colinschabel]

I repeat things back to people. It drives people crazy.

[@joshuaamberson5266]

You're just relaying information back to them. If they can't handle that, that's on them not you.

[@neoxenia7014]

I have the same problem, i usually get a weird look or a snarky comment.

[@lewisdoherty7621]

Yes, tell us about what you do for work.

[@DawnH123]

So much of what you said rings true for me. 😔

[@lindseywong9667]

Yeah I am the opposite. I would like things to be written down. All instructions, in a written or visual format. And I have a hard time explaining things orally. Unfortunately, where Ive worked has utilized a lot of oral communication which is hard. I find it hard to intiate communication with others. Its extremely hard because your trying to figure out the right timing.

[@nirtheart]

Great video! Keep it up :)

[@autismfromtheInside]

Thanks :)

[@christinab.2864]

The sensory problem is really not a problem. I’ll make a joir for my ear plugs to the top shelf for a lock if I have to. The lights I wear glasses for that. The smell something so clever that you wouldn’t think to use spray the inside of a toilet paper roll.

[@BoseBish]

great Tool t-shirt!

[@schnitzelschnizel9448]

I am asking for being helped with interviewing with someone and that is ignored and then I blanked out when I talked to the manager and really said basically nothing at all. I did not even know what position was open and if I could get the job.

[@noelbutler5984]

Does anyone else have an obscene amount of absences at work? Even when I'm receiving praise from my employer, I start to go through phases when I need to isolate myself..

[@citydweller99]

Only positive of the almost 3 year pandemic is work from home is more normalized. Even most places offering hybrid only require 1 or 2 days in the office per week...so more opportunity to recharge

[@ParkerMe]

This is fantastic! Thank you.

[@teralecole316]

Has anyone else ever experienced that prior to being diagnosed, working at a job you’ve feeling“slow” as if you were getting dumber? I did, and after a while I felt as if I couldn’t grasp information well when my director would communicate with me. It felt like she talked over my head on purpose, which further increased my anxiety. Anyway, job didn’t work out and I moved from a noisy big city due to overstimulation (noises/distractions everywhere) to a significant slower paced city. I feel so much at peace now.

[@jelanimckenzie49]

I like your videos a lot and I can relate to these things as well.

[@itsgems3029]

I really want to be social and when im in social situations im not awkward but for some reason no matter what i always feel like im just being intrusive and stuff i have friends i talk to about it snd they dont undrstand why i feel how i feel they were shocked when i told them i had ashburgers

[@davidhill5684]

I was shocked to discover in a highly demanding and exacting job I was expected to perform well while being bombarded with continuous radio noise. OK, so I detest the radio anyway, but still its a major interference with my thinking! I was probably the only person in a workforce of 3,000 who would have been thrilled when the radio cut out. I have the same problems with background conversations

[@corinlanser]

I have a question about jobs requiring multi tasking. Specifically I just started working in a supermarket inward goods. I am able to do quite complex things when given time to go one task at a time, like when I worked in I.T. support. But with this I need to drop what I'm doing to go on the checkout if short on staff then it takes time to pickup where I left off and it seems I'm working more slowly than expected by the boss. He's nice but I think he sees all I did in the past in other jobs and as you say, think that I should be more than capable in this much easier environment. I guess I just need to face up and discuss it..a hard thing when you sell to avoid confrontation!

[@ramzihammoud5762]

Your vids are a big help.

[@user-nd6ww1es9s]

Thank you for your Videos 🤗 🤓

[@Uatemysoul]

I'm about the same with sound. My last job attempt was counting bottles. It was working for my cousin so at least I didn't have to deal too much with an interview. I was fine,for the most part. I'm really really good at counting in multiples of 3. So in the job that came in handy. Monday was fun because I was doing bar orders it was sorting out glass and plastic and put it where it needs to go. Most of the other guys hated Monday. I also liked bringing glass out and filling a gaylord,(yeah I know haha very funny laugh it up, that's what they are called.)and the last part and the most important part of the job was well you guessed it actually counting the bottles. I also thought there was a lot of behind my back chatter that was going on. Mostly between my cousin, my brother and my dad and perhaps a co-worker or two. Anyway, I was alone and a customer came in and I take their bag of bottles and cans and start counting. and while I'm able to keep count the radio is going in the background and it's been repeating the same 3 words for what seems like forever. SO I pause walk over and shut it off. Peace at last. I get the bag counted hand the guy a slip and continue working. Other guy comes back. I don't think he liked that I shut his music off but he doesn't turn it back on. fast forward a few days. I find out about a new classic rock station. To me the least disruptive music for me to work with. So I turn that on thinking ok this is at least something I think everyone can agree to listen to Most people don't badmouth classic rock. I'm working away and my cousin comes up to me and asks me if it would be better if I had ear muffs to keep focused, I tell him most likely but impractical. By this point I've already been told headphones are a No go we have to talk to customers when they come in. 3 days go by. A woman comes in, kinda a thot. Crushed every single bottle she had in the bag. I can't throw them right and they go everywhere. She also won't stop talking. Just yammers pointless shit. the radio is going and there are 2 other guys counting bottles at the same time I get a little bit of a overload for a min but I'm still counting. After her bag it's quitting time. SO I count Thot's bag hand her a slip and go out to see cousin's wife for pay and hours for next work days. Thot is standing there and tell's cousin's wife in a snide tone that she thought she had more. Cousin's wife tells me not to worry and that she will see me tuesday. I tell her that the woman had made her bag a pain in the ass and that she didn't shut the hell up. This may have been a mistake but cousin's wife is a very understanding woman and says yeah it happens. Week goes by it's friday. Just spent the whole day bringing out box after box of glass from a bottle drive. Cousin is skiing with his kids. Comes back to the shop after and tells me because that woman even complained that it wasn't going to work out. Needless to say I went home and drank. Aspergers had actually stopped me from doing something. It stopped me from functioning in that situation. Now this is not to say that I haven't had issue with this but it's the first time it actually was a detriment. And despite the fact that I lost the job that was what really stung. I didn't care about the job but the realization that it may actually be a issue in a work environment hit me. Also I'd like you to know, if you read this far. This was my first actual job.This was about 3 weeks ago, I'm 28 . After high school I really got no support for anything so it's really been trial and error for everything. I'm getting there slow though it is perhaps some day I can actually make money blacksmithing so I don't have to worry about employment.

[@fooledman]

With me, no one ever tells me anything and yes, it is assumed that I already knew.

[@andrewmorton395]

I not workt for 16years

[@Merlodica]

For me, it’s the clumsiness. I can’t tell you how many times I wasn’t nervous but yet somehow managed to fuck something up or break something purely because I have the coordination of a 85 year old nursing home patient. It’s infuriating and it perpetuates the moronic image that most coworkers of think of when being with me. It makes me want to hurl myself off a balcony sometimes.

[@charimonfanboy]

I have been working for a family run business for two months. The owner is a lovely woman who was talking to me about her aspie grandchild and it came up that I was an aspie. Two days ago she was talking to me and a lad from the warehouse, I said something and she said her grandson does that, that's a common symptom of autism. Am I allowed to be worried about that? Is it reasonable to expect medical information like that to be kept confidential? Is she allowed to be sharing that? Is there anything I can do about it? Is there any way to address the situation without risking my job?

[@lute966]

charimonfanboy maybe it's actually doing you 'good service' ;), understand that unless you are the 1 writing the paycheck (the big boss) it's not your task to point other workers mistakes, or giving your opinion on how things should be done better, she quite possibly avoided stress between him and your 'atitude',,, ;),,, she would't have hired you if you couldn't do your job, but she wouldn't have hired him either ;)

[@mrg1551]

Hi there my first time here.i noticed that you move your shoulders the same way my son does he also has asperges.is that a tick?thanks

[@krisherrick4261]

It's fascinating how we all have our different sensory needs. I can tell shirt collars bug you because yours is all stretched out, but the way it's asymmetrical on your neck would drive me crazy! 😂

[@daintytreasures]

Kris Herrich I notice that on almost every video, that is the hyper-detailed aspie in me! But his advice is so incredible, he really hits the nail on the head with so many of his topics!

[@krisherrick4261]

@@daintytreasures oh totally, I think he's fantastic! My noticing his shirt was not a criticism, just also being detail-oriented too :)

[@sean51697]

How do you respond to questions like for example 'how does this poem or story make you feel and other topics like self-evaluation' I find these questions very idiotic and always then to freeze trying to think about it but I can never give them a response.

[@autismfromtheInside]

Do you mean in a job interview? Sometimes questions like this are used to test if a person is open to unstructured things. For example, "if you were a fruit which one would you be?" If my first reaction is "What a dumb question! How can I take it seriously?!" then that says something about me.

[@pamtufnell6751]

Why did you leave the engineering job ?

[@andrewmorton395]

I never whet out with people when i woz at work. I uest to get to tired.

[@azazel56]

I find it impossible to work with a customer job..I don't know what to do because almost all available jobs are customer based

[@d.pharmbot2092]

I live in the US, where the human resources lobby groups are powerful. To make matters worse, I live in Alabama, where employers can do what they want (it's not called an 'at will employer state' for no reason). Also, I'm gay in a state that is often violently homophobic. I'm a pharmacist, and no one they've hired where I work in the past two years is over 30. I'm 54. I just had my evaluation. Despite having the lowest error rate and despite fixing the "problem orders" others willfully leave behind for me, I scored lower than the 'popular' workers who unthinkingly process prescriptions at breakneck speed so they can talk football and fine dining, and actively trade stocks--while at work. We're not supposed to know what others scored. I'm 0.01 points from the break point for a higher raise, as I've found out over the weekend. I'm fearing a meltdown this week and losing my job. I don't know what to do. I've watched your vids and they've been very helpful, but I'm scared.

[@traceycrawford9938]

Oh I truly hate the ‘out of work’ social expectations like going to the pub after work etc. Once my working hours are finished, I just want to get out of there and go home. I’m not ‘friends’ with these people, we just happen to work at the same company, so why would I socialise with them? To me, you socialise with friends or family, not work colleagues.🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[@andrewmorton395]

I find it hard, with noses and smells

[@colinschabel]

I work in a glass fabrication shop with really shitty annoying music blasting. Nobody gives a shit when I ask for accommodation.

[@AL-tt1zq]

I'm very similar but I actually prefer the music being on, if it's not on, I'll have to work with silence and silence is what causes anxiety and overthinking for me. I have been looking a vid to for inspiration because I'm going to tell my boss live with Asperger's and ptsd. I've seen a video not to do that or you'd get fired but I can sue them if they fire me for that. It's hard faking being a normal person in the work place. I work at Dollar general. It gets overwhelming because you are expected to do so much. And if you can't finish your project for the day you need to have a good explanation and alot of people around me thinks autism is retardation and that it's okay to make fun of them that's what they think so I keep it to my self so idk what the next person is gonna think when I say it alot of people don't really know what it is. They think of people who has it from their family and assume that we are all exactly like but no we have different interests and we grow up differently. But I'm writing a paper down stating what I have because I have been forgetful and I had to leave work early because I got so dang stressed out

[@hamdihammami5218]

Shocking feeling

[@turtleanton6539]

Fully agreed

[@annehislop2449]

Off topic but not sure where to post. One of the skaters at my gentle,aspie daughter' (19) special needs club skated too fast and too close to her. She got a huge fright and very upset. He has been told to slow down. Whenever she sees him now she's tearful, can't focus, her anxiety increases, her stress levels rise and she makes her hands into a fist at her sides. Problem is, in her mind now, he's a MANIAC, the DEVIL, her ENEMY and she is in constant vigilant/battle mode. Mention of him can trigger a meltdown. How to deal with such intense feelings long after (9mths) an incident has occurred?

[@DarthTwilight]

I also understand the headphone thing. What pisses me off, is when people know I have headphones on and they still try to intermittently talk to me after I've already put the fucking things back on 10 fucking times to listen to their shit