Working a 9-5 While (Unknowingly) Autistic | AUTISM AT WORK

In this episode of Autistically Me, I talk about why it's so challenging for Autistic adults to work a regular 9-5 job and my experiences doing so. I also go into depth about my bad experience working at my "dream" job at the NFL Network and their disgusting lack of understanding and accommodations for people with mental illnesses.
Instagram: @OliviaHops
Small Business: www.UnbakedBar.com
Autistic - Autism - ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder - Autistic Adult - Autistic Female - Girls with Autism - Adults with Autism - Females with Autism - Women with Autism - Working While Autistic - Autism and Work - Autism and Jobs - NFL Network - Autism Girls
#ActuallyAutistic

[@stgodd]

The social part of working always feels like more work than the work part of the job.

[@anablackwood6141]

AMEN

[@brianmeen2158]

It is. I can feel more drain from 10 minutes if socializing at work compared to day 5 hours of me actually working hard by myself

[@matthollywood8060]

This is why I feel extremely fortunate to have a job that allows me to adjust my schedule. If 5 days in a row feels like it's going to be too much, I take my "weekend" after 4. I'm also allowed to work weekends where I am mostly alone and able to be much more efficient without the distractions caused by coworkers. In fact, we've been busy for the holiday season so more people have been coming in to work on the weekends and it's driving up my stress levels, which means I've been working less days in a row. I wouldn't call it a dream job. I'm not interested or challenged in any way besides the satisfaction of completing tasks, the pay is just enough to get by on, and there's not really room for advancement, but after almost three decades of enduring cycles of stress, meltdown and under/unemployment, it's pretty nice to be able to make a living somewhere that my work is appreciated and my "quirks" are tolerated.

[@buri.bii3]

Same here, when I work there are days where I feel mentally exhausted - I somewhat described myself as a battery that depletes over time

[@itsmeNicholexo]

🎯 💯

[@maiamaiapapaya]

As an autistic person I have actually quit every 9-5 job I've ever had and now moving to self employment. The reasons I've quit don't revolve so much around the exhaustion of keeping the mask up all day, but it's usually something unethical the company or the bosses are doing and I just cannot stand by it! All my coworkers would have the attitude of "yeah, that's just how it is...you'll get used to it..." and I'm like "NO! How on earth can you all just sit here and be okay with this??!" Since us autists are great at recognizing patterns, I'm able to recognize the pattern of doing nothing about an issue and so it gets worse and worse. The thought of no one standing up to stop whatever it is becomes too overwhelming and I have to quit

[@-tlc-5080]

Oh crap same

[@MuchToDoAboutNowt]

Oh interesting, my employment history is similar though I'm not diagnosed (yet). Almost every business I've worked for has gone through some sort of corporate buyout or restructuring where the working conditions (safety, ethics, etc.) decline way down to the point where I cannot go another day selling my labor to a horribly unethical abusive company and I walk out. My tolerance for injustice and abuse is extremely minimal and I don't understand the people that just continue working through it. I was once fired for standing up to a company's VP because she was literally intimidating and bullying us, telling us we were worthless and instantly replaceable and the most minor of mistakes would be disciplined to make sure we knew our place. Any time I bring up the topic of labor unions with coworkers, everybody backs away and won't entertain the thought for even a second. I don't get it. 😭

[@maiamaiapapaya]

@@MuchToDoAboutNowt i'm undiagnosed as well, but am 98% sure about it. I think as autistics we are so valuable in terms of change! I have minimal tolerance for injustice as well and I am just baffled that people will sit there and take the abuse. The fact that we can't just sit there and take it is helping change the world imo

[@joanae8189]

Totally agree, I couldn't stand my last job lack of ethics.

[@bebuchinapenelope]

Masking is the most exhausting part of the day.

[@punkkimiko]

I really hate office politics. The loud mouths were always the ones that messed around all day! They didn't do their work and yet they were the ones getting promoted.

[@Isochest]

Very true. All impression management whilst denigrating others.

[@d-bro-sector36]

This is SOOOOO TRUEEEEEE!!! GUHHHHH!!!

[@mblnbnvdsdlcmp]

Totally agree!

[@michellewilkes5801]

Always.... Yes!

[@jennifershakira409]

Oh wow, you spoke my mind, true, I had the same problem in every we workplace, I can't stand office politics and don't know how to deal with bitchy co workers.

[@jennifer9047]

I've been fired from every 9-5 job I've ever had, not because I sucked AT ALL, but because when *my* workload was done and I felt myself becoming bored, (instead of depression) I would do *other* people's work. If _that_ was not an option, I would start troubleshooting systems, trying to streamline and make the whole process simpler and more efficient for everybody at the company. The owner of the last company that I was fired from told me that I "ruffled feathers" and "intimidated the management". 🙄 I wish I could find a job at a company that would actually UTILIZE me and what I can do... 😞

[@sherrym5556]

Omg.. I totally get that, I always have problems with micro managers. I usually get fired when they see I can run circles around them, I've even tried dumbing myself down, Holy hell..now THAT'S exhausting.

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

Last job I put in my 2 weeks notice for got a "please leave immediately" response instead so perhaps fired in that case and qualified for unemployment for technically involuntary resignation before my notice date. Similar at a major tech corporation once but the manager gave the "option" of leaving early - little nudge of "you could always leave anytime." Terrible manager who even told me he hated being a manager. Perhaps he could always find a better fit too.

[@blueredbrick]

The taller trees get mown...

[@liltunturi1251]

@@blueredbrick not even the taller trees, just different trees get fucked. People dont like different, they have their routine that they are so used to, and even if you try making it better/easier for everyone including yourself, the people will get overly defensive, they dont want to learn anything extra. it is very frustrating indeed, you just never feel like you belong at a job, just always feeling uneasy and often enough not even respected by co-workers.

[@blueredbrick]

@@liltunturi1251 true

[@MegaMind169]

I'm at a 9-5 job but we're a small company where everyone knows I'm autistic and they are amazing. It's my first job where I don't want to vomit before I go to work. I can have my noise cancelling headphones on, I can be weird, I can take time off when I get too overwhelmed and I work only 4 days a week. My favourite part is that everyone knows that they can count on me doing a great job BUT they have to write everything down otherwise I'm not gonna remember a thing 😅

[@darenettles9891]

THIS so hard.

[@bethelmorris7703]

Good for you! I’m so happy for you!

[@niamaria8317]

Where do you work? I'm on the spectrum and I'm struggling so much

[@MegaMind169]

@@niamaria8317 Its a little factory where we make LED lights. Mostly assembly work.

[@belle3055]

Sounds like heaven

[@silverlagomorpha3177]

“High school is forever.” You betcha. Mean girls are forever. If I ever end up in a nursing home, there will be mean girls. Diagnosed at 58. The scapegoat in a “Golden Child and the Scapegoat” family dynamic.

[@GreenBlueWalkthrough]

I have a theory it isn't High School forever it's human are animals forever... Which apartantly Queen victoria was the quite the mean girl in her youth to the point of letting a noble girl die from cancer because goship.

[@nordicfrost]

“Mean Girls” by Tina Faye should be required in Middle School. No other social group on Earth puts up with this kidult behavior.

[@datnohi8612]

I'm always targeted by mean girls, most of the time they are sociopaths and actually run everything at the job especially the men, if they don't like you for whatever reason, you bet they gone turn everyone in the office against you,starting fake rumors and everything bullies are what they are they are the main reason remote work should be mandatory especially for people that are autistic

[@buri.bii3]

Yep. This is why I just go to work to get paid, you'll never know if the smallest things can be used against you.

[@steveneardley7541]

I think the main difference between neurotypicals and autistic people is that NTs, no matter what they are supposedly talking about, are always negotiating status issues within the group's hierarchy. We just don't get that kind of stuff. I treat everyone the same, for idealistic reasons, but also because I'm not socially intelligent enough to do otherwise. Trying to communicate outside of the "perfectly honest" mode is just so difficult. The whole "simian hierarchy" becomes really important after puberty, and we sort of lose it there. We can't keep up. Unfortunately, the hierarchical elements of social groups never disappear, so for us, it seems like we never escape the petty ego-games of high school. It's everywhere. I ran into in academia numerous times. It gets me fired from jobs or shunned socially. And looking back on my life, my ideas have been marginalized and attacked not only in academia, but even in my friend-groups, because I didn't have social status within these groups. There has always been some alpha male who was listened to, and if this person objected to anything I said, that idea would be rejected by the group. This happened as regularly as clockwork. I have gotten five books published, which is a hell of a lot more than any of the "alpha males" I've had to deal with. But I am still shunned within my interest-group. It's a form of bullying, and shows just how anti-intellectual NTs can be. Ideas don't receive validation through honest argument, but through status.

[@oxfearless]

I’ve never been diagnosed with autism but the more I learn about it, the more I feel like everything I’ve gone through finally makes sense. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[@LivLabelFree]

I highly recommend the book Aspergirls! That’s a book that really helped me as well as Olivia!

[@heatherogoussan7984]

Me too!

[@traceyannsummers9819]

I'm exactly the same Alison, frustrating as I (not blowing my own trumpet) did a better job and still was the one who got picked on my the boss cause I didn't join in the workplace banta, been unemployed for 4yrs now.

[@schlookie]

@@traceyannsummers9819 Oh wow! I totally understand that though. I've never been diagnosed with asperger's but show most of the signs. I struggled with work too. I trained as an accountant and found I hated workplace culture and banter. So I spent a bit of time umemployed and then retrained as a painter decorator. Now I work for myself and am a lot happier.

[@theautistic.teacher]

same

[@tdsollog]

It’s so much of a struggle to be excellent at your job, but “with a smile” when you have invisible health conditions. I’ve seen social people who aren’t great workers get rewarded, and I got lectured because I wasn’t like them.

[@InParacosms]

same

[@adrianmargean3402]

All the time.

[@krissyk9767]

Yes, social extroverted people are great at making friends with everyone in the workplace and getting people to like them. So because they're liked they get praised and promoted. Yet someone who is more introverted and not sociable is not liked so much. Even if you are good at your job you get ignored and overlooked because you're not impressive socially and making people like you.

[@chocoboasylum]

Highschool is forever. This is 100% true. There's always cliques and people just don't want to give you the benefit of the doubt if you're not 'One of Us', smh

[@jeanlittle405]

This has to be THE BEST video about autistic women in the workplace! At 47 years old (I'm now 52) I found out that I was autistic. Your work experiences have been MY experiences...for my WHOLE LIFE!!! I was caught in a vicious cycle all that time...and , yes, PTSD is very real and it is excruciating!! It got so bad that I was suicidal. After many years, I FINALLY have some balance in my work/life. Even though I have 3 college degrees and have travelled and worked around the world, I now work as a housekeeper at a church. It may sound crazy, but I'm happy. It's quiet, I hardly see anyone, I keep active and can pray and listen to gospel music all day. I'm done "masking" for other peoples' sakes...too old and too tired for that. Keep up the amazing work....you're helping so many people!!! God bless you.

[@sielukettu]

Sounds like an awesome job!

[@seashells1460]

So happy you found a good job for you! gives me hope 😊

[@beverleyciminera2755]

Yes that sounds good I'm fed up of masking to and I'm fed up of being bullied at work by people thinking they are better then me when they are clearly not we are all equal in god's eyes .

[@accidentalwarrior1017]

If you don't mind me asking how does ine attain 3 degrees? I really believe i need more than one to thrive but i do not look forward to the immense debt.

[@trishahukins9343]

@@accidentalwarrior1017 Don't go and get more degrees. I have 2 and they aren't worth the paper they're written on. Keep life simple, stop giving a crap about what others think, do what makes you happy.

[@mhairimacdonald1566]

To blurting things out in the interview- I responded (in total seriousness) to "What's your greatest achievement?" with "Learning to walk." Thankfully the interviewer had a sense of humour...

[@victoriasmees5625]

It’s taken me so far in life 😂😅

[@FATMIKED5183]

One time I started a new job and during the orientation the person running it went around the room and asked us one at a time to say something that we enjoy doing.When it was my turn I said I really enjoy sleeping,and the whole room erupted in laughter.It was obvious they all thought I was trying to be funny,but I was dead serious.

[@melissabyrd1310]

​@@FATMIKED5183 something like this happened to me. I was asked what is a great achievement of mine? I was caught off guard and I said GETTING AWAY FROM MY EX HUSBAND!

[@kim___]

Lol that’s a brilliant reply!

[@katkatkatkat463]

lol ❤

[@queenofthenegaverse9431]

I just got diagnosed with autism at the age of 26 and have struggled keeping a full time job. I mentioned this to the mental healthy nurse I've been seeing and she said that it makes total sense because I will need so much downtime to decompress and recover after my work day that I don't have time to do other things in my life and I'll end up burnt out very fast if the employer isn't accommodating. For the first time in my life I felt validated in my struggle to maintain working. I struggle even running my self-employed business because I struggle keeping things going constantly, especially when working with social media. Watching and hearing you talk about similar experiences feels so nice (although it sucks that others experience the same shitty things...)

[@arande3]

Very relatable, needing massive downtime just to function.

[@kendrasmith4661]

This makes SO much sense for me. I'm just recently realizing I'm probably autistic, and I get so frustrated that I make lists and want to accomplish things after work, but I am always so tired I usually just hide in my room with headphones on

[@karinotsorry]

Same! I am 26 as well.

[@steveneardley7541]

I am self-employed and have found list-making very helpful in keeping on top of the demands of my job.

[@kufufinmufinable]

I am an autistic female and I work in the engineering field. Numbers and logistics make me feel grounded and at ease. Finding that niche that you're good at, and maybe doesn't involve a lot of forced socializing was the key for me.

[@liveuser8527]

No youre not!

[@kufufinmufinable]

And you're more qualified than clinical psychiatrists to make that call? Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of@@liveuser8527

[@galespressos]

All of this is so true. Feeling sick and exhausted emotionally effects the immune system as well. All of that exhaustion and physical illness eventually makes doing the work itself hard. It’s awful.

[@ByeByeBelly]

Yeah. Autism creates so many physical health symptons for me.

[@planetag310]

I'm a 65-year-old woman. I know I have autistic traits, but was never diagnosed. I spent a lot of years going from job to job and then spent quite a few years working as a temporary office worker in a large public company. I'd work for a boss in one department for a few weeks, and then move on to another department. People always asked me why I wanted to work as a temp. Now I know why after many years. When you know you're going to be at a job for only a few weeks, you don't have to befriend your coworkers, show team spirit or deal with social obligations. Now, I've had the same job for the past 13 years, but have suffered deeply with being an outsider there. COVID sent us all home to work and we're all working from home now on a permanent basis. That's quite a relief, because I couldn't stand the 'social noise' of people chatting when they should have been working and I dreaded walking into the lunch room. I hid my social awkwardness from coworkers by remaining aloof and I'm sure they all talked about me behind my back.

[@2packproductions]

I can so relate. I am 59 and I preferred temp jobs for similar reasons. I’ve never been diagnosed but I have wondered because I have traits. My current job is WFH and it’s so much better for me.

[@datnohi8612]

That was a blessing you get to work from home permanently, I'm working hybrid and have work 3 days in office, I'm to the point I can't even do that with these coworkers I got, is it me or have people just gotten even worse to deal with l, and why do we have to be on a team, I really feel like I'm back in high school again, I'm being bullied as always because I never fit in with these people on the job, I'm so sick of this, I know they are going to fire me any day now I'm seriously thinking of just temping until I find a fully remote job

[@KREHedley]

Wow! This is incredible. I couldn't have said it better. I get promoted at every job because Im an excellent technician and I inevitably quit because (a la promotion) I cant be a manager of humans(!) My last job I begged them to demote me because I cant handle the social garbage. They said no, and I quit after crying everyday. Im so good at what I do, I do really unique work, I just want to work, how can I not keep a job?? I hate unpredictability, and what is more unpredictable than not knowing if you'll be able to keep your house

[@Claudiaf93]

Can you do a video about jobs/careers that fit a person with autism? Also maybe one about having/not having children? Thank you so much for your work

[@REChronic54]

Much of the working world is about making connections and socializing. That just absolutely killed me because I just couldn’t make work relationships. My main focus every work day was just to mentally prepare myself to work and to actually be able to function. In the beginning, I can keep up this perfect facade of personality but my energy seems to deplete afterwards. I start to really feel the disconnect and inability to just be involved w/ other people.

[@leslieyancey5084]

I’ve always had trouble with the hiring process! Filling out applications is exhausting for me, and a lot of times I quit before I even finish. In the rare times that I actually got called for an interview, my anxiety would be so bad that I literally couldn’t make coherent sentences! It’s humiliating, and something I want to avoid at all costs! Another thing I struggle with is dealing with a fast paced environment. It creates a lot of stress and sensory overload!

[@DarlingDevil4691]

Me exactly! I hate it so much

[@akanicolerocks711]

I hate those stupid star questions they ask you in interviews and I have found that "fast paced environment" means you are doing the job of 2+ people

[@Tilly850]

I discovered and self-diagnosed with autism about a year ago. The multiple jobs thing has been a hallmark of my life. My resume includes jobs in many fields; from newspapers, factories, self employed several times, a machinist after attending trade school and finally now as a self employed massage therapist (for almost 20 years now). I have to put all my jobs in small font size to fit it on one page. The getting bored, depressed, anxious and not understanding why was a puzzle. You just solved it. The effort to mask is overwhelming and very difficult to maintain. Add to that the stresses of messing up, and some jobs simply were not my fault when they ended, but shifts in the economy. Anyhow, thanks so much for this video. I too always did my very best to do the job itself...socially, however I was bullied, didn't fit in, or in some way found it extremely difficult to be in most workplaces. I had to leave one newspaper job because they refused to stop the editor from smoking in the enclosed space I was working in and I was not only pregnant, but it was making me sick to smell that smoke for hours. So, yeah, there's hurt and anger involved and I hear it in your voice and identify very much. I like my job now, control the situation on my own. One client at a time and not too many per day. Also I suspect many of my clients are also spectrum people...undiagnosed autistics included.

[@sarahhernandez5425]

I feel this 100% I'm 27, I graduated with a double major BA in sociology and Spanish and a 3.8 GPA, but work... I can do the JOB, it's the people and everything else, as you said. I only within the past year realized I may be autistic and it makes so much sense when I look back on struggling to cope with work. I really do feel like I have work PTSD because I wanted to help people and I've ended up in some very abusive (and violent) job positions. I'm currently just doing side gigs and fortunate that my husband makes excellent money and is supportive of me, but I almost daily have guilt that I'm not working a typical job or making money like I did. I feel like it's either suffer through horrible jobs, or suffer with the guilt of appearing lazy or unmotivated, even though I do work hard at home and through my side gig jobs.

[@joanae8189]

Psychology and Languages and couldn't keep a job. I can relate to most of what you went through. I am happy for you that you are still young and have people who care. I realized am Asperger's at 42. There's so much help and alternatives. GB!❤

[@bethelmorris7703]

Don’t feel guilty. Be who you are & do what makes you happy. Don’t let yourself be defined by lthe world’s idea of work & what you “should” be doing. God bless your journey

[@CherryFrog321]

I definitely relate to this. I have a teaching degree but just couldn't teach. I did well with the academic part of school, but not so well with the actual student teaching at the end. I almost flunked out during my first placement, but redeemed myself somewhat in my second placement since my supervisor gave me the chance to, so I ended up barely passing and still getting my degree. Part of the issue with my first placement was definitely the grade level (my first placement was kindergarten and I quickly learned that teaching really young kids wasn't for me; I just didn't have the energy level for it. Then my second placement was 4th grade and that's generally a pretty nice age to teach; they're still not snotty teenagers yet, but they're also old enough to be more independent and able to listen and have more self control). I do like kids and always enjoyed working with them, but teaching was just way too much. Dealing with the other adults (the parents and other teachers) was still really difficult. And my executive functioning deficits made it so hard for me to plan lessons (it really just felt like a huge, awful chore and wasn't very enjoyable at all) and I really just didn't have good classroom management skills. Again, especially with the younger kids who are just so all over the place and have such short attention spans. So despite having a bachelor's degree, I'm now working at a grocery store. And I'm still only a cashier and sometimes I feel embarrassed that I can't do something better or more "skilled." I'm wanting to try to at least move up to a higher position. (NOT a manager because I know I couldn't handle that). I've been cross training in the bakery department hoping to maybe try cake decorating or baking, but I'm struggling even just learning the "bakery clerk" role (mostly just packaging and labeling products and stocking them, because it's so fast paced and you have to have good time management skills. Which I do NOT.

[@seashells1460]

@@CherryFrog321 I feel you there. I always struggle when time management is involved. It's like I can do the work but not if it's on someone elses time I like to take my time

[@jahbrianawilliams7326]

Before I came to the conclusion that there’s a high chance of me being on the spectrum, I was always self harming/ suicidal, having meltdowns in the bathroom at work, constant burn out, going to sleep right after work because of mental exhaustion. I thought all this was “normal” and it was just depression when it got really bad. After finding out about ASD and studying up on it, everything in my life made perfect sense. It was like a miracle; like having amnesia your whole life, but then suddenly getting your identity back. Now I have less burnouts and even when I do, I’m better able to get through them and I don’t cut anymore. I’ve come a long way after accepting that I’m on the spectrum. It’s been two years of research and now I just have to get a diagnosis which is kind of scary because it feels like they can take back my identity if they don’t agree that I’m on the spectrum.

[@Nate-BreakingPoint-Interactive]

I worry about that too. This week I started binging videos on autism and I finally don't feel so crazy but I'm still too anxious to ever want to actually get tested

[@spencerlam9361]

In the screening just sit back and look sickly for the doctors to eyeball you being sickly. I found that worked the best when i was hospitalized

[@supersonictumbleweed]

They can't take back your identity! What you've learned is with you forever

[@steveneardley7541]

I come out about 2 points into the normal range on the online tests. But so what? What's important is that the things in my life that ARE autistic explain so much. I don't need anyone to validate my experience. I don't expect accommodations, and anyway am self-employed. I have no intention of getting formally diagnosed. I fully believe that the "autism experts" on KZbin are probably better than 99% of the medical experts one might find. Also more likely to offer suggestions that actually work.

[@mtneves77]

Cried at a job I love today so feels good to relate. I have diagnosed ADHD but I'm pretty much sure I'm autistic as well. My own aunt fired me from her bagel shop because I had punctuality issues and somehow that translates to me not caring and being lazy. The contrast between how deeply passionate I felt about my work and the literal love and sweat put into it and her perception of my work... Oooh boy That shit put me in the hospital for two weeks and then I attempted suicide again not long after I got out of the hospital. Also freaking killed the bullshit idea that I lived in a meritocracy. The echoes of my childhood lol people telling me to try harder, telling me if I cared then I would be better, me trying to figure out how to force myself to care more than I already do, thinking about it all so much that the concept of caring more losses all meaning. *Eye twitch* Usually I hate my crappy jobs and I genuinely don't care but when I do care and it goes completely unappreciated because of social crap that shit stings. It's happening again now, being a jewler is heavenly 90% of the time but that other ten percent is starting to wear me down. My supervisor moved me to a new desk and I hate it a lot, my coworkers are starting to realize I'm wierd and it shows, my supervisor cracks jokes about me looking sad and being difficult. Fucking sucks I really thought this gig would be the one that saved me lol. I love the work itself and on a good day I'd work 12+ hours straight if they let me. When it's just me and some podcast in my earbuds working with my hands on these beautiful things and a boost from Adderall and sometimes caffeine, I'm at peace. Untill my supervisor comes out of nowhere and says " Hey how's it going" and it startles the piss out of me and then when you respond organically after being startled they take it as a personal attack and change they're behavior around you. At that moment I knew I fucked yourself out of a positive relationship with a mentor in record speed.

[@mailill]

I really hope things are going better for you now. If not, could you perhaps try to get help from a counselor to find a good way to communicate the challenges and issues you have to your supervisor? It seems to me that if you could get your supervisor to understand your situation better, the problems might be solved.

[@newbeginnings4933]

Hi, I'm just reading your comment and it makes me so sad because it echoes what I've been going through for the past 9 months at this job in a company that I was so proud of landing (I'm a team assistant). It's like walking on eggshells, the pressure is crazy and it's a vicious circle because the idea of knowing that it literally only takes 1 mishap from you and they're ready to jump to whichever short-sighted, paranoid and stupid conclusion they want to draw about you, which only causes more anxiety, exhaustion and depression and then makes it impossible not to have these 'mishaps'. It's like playing a game where all the rules are against you. They don't give a damn about the quality and accuracy of your work, they don't give a damn about your authenticity and the real kindness that we're able to show to others even if we don't socialize in the same way. It's like the only thing that matters to them is your social persona, being a variation of a corporate robot that keeps doing and saying the same acceptable things over and over. And reading your comment and reflecting of the 9 months of hell I've just spent at this job giving it my best and still being despised, mocked and judged on the daily by my bosses and coworkers, I realize there is NO point trying to fit in with a system that is just plain toxic and will crucify you at the slightest sign of difference. Fuck that shit. I'm 32 years old and I've finally realized I'll never be able to hold these kinds of jobs where hypocrisy and appearances are the norm. I want to live in integrity, in authenticity, and I'll tolerate no more of that BS. As long as we respect people and do a good job, we shouldn't have to fear being rejected for being ourselves and having our own personalities, that's messed up and so unfair. Anyways I hope you're doing a bit better now and I hope you'll find something that allows you to thrive and be yourself

[@steveneardley7541]

Very relatable, and what can you do? If you told your boss about your autism, that would just open up a whole other can of worms. Personally, I don't have the energy to mask for any extended period of time, so I have gotten fired from both office jobs and teaching jobs. I am a self-employed piano tuner now, and occasionally I lose customers by oversharing, by being too honest or too weird, but these are just single customers, and I can live with it.

[@halgaucher6730]

If a mentor allows a startle response they caused to change their opinion of you, there’s very little they’d be able to offer. I’m sorry that bullshit is getting in the way of a great job.

[@BriBooth]

I was just diagnosed and I’ve literally quit every job I’ve had 😭 I kept asking myself what’s wrong with me! I would end up in the emergency room mute like I literally could not talk. Since I was diagnosed last month everything makes so much sense now. Thank you for this video I will be discussing this on my channel.

[@joan.nao1246]

Such similarities for most of us! Self-employment saved my sanity and self-esteem. I highly recommend it.

[@BriBooth]

@@joan.nao1246 that’s why I started my KZbin channel last month . I know I have a long way to go but I hope eventually I can get there 😌

[@seashells1460]

@@BriBooth I've been so motivated lately to start a KZbin channel especially after finding out that I'm most likely on the spectrum (not diagnosed yet). We got this! 😊💓

[@marceasusanna7749]

Amen sister!!!; Your experience echos mine.

[@littlestbroccoli]

I also have quit every job I've had, over stuff like overwhelm, breakdowns and meltdowns from the stress of changing demands, other people, and not fitting in. Everything was just unsustainable after a while, especially the corporate bullshit. Let's keep in mind, too, that most people need financial support in order to become self employed, I've been trying to do it "the right way" and not asking for help, and that is just impossible. There is not enough time in the day to both work a job and start a small business. If you don't have support, how do you ever make the leap?

[@theressegrady2792]

I know for a fact that I'm an introvert and empath. But I suspect I may be be on the low spectrum of autism. I was recently fired from my job of 7 years because I "wasn't able to fulfill the duties as outlined in my role". What changed? New manager. You just mentioned so many things that I can identify with!

[@bethelmorris7703]

So sorry to hear that. Hope you find a good working situation soon

[@theressegrady2792]

@@bethelmorris7703 thank you.

[@bs4real]

I'm so sorry that happened to you .

[@aimeeevans1817]

If you kept a job for seven years and you gave the reason why this tells me you’re actually more high functioning and not low functioning.

[@elizabethsloan3192]

I would get “let go” for not working hard enough. I would hear from friends that it would take multiple people to do what I had been doing.

[@sherrym5556]

I CAN RELATE

[@ginnydare13]

OMG my sense of smell is crazy sensitive. And once I smell something, I never forget it. One time my boyfriend and I were each getting into our own vehicles, we were parked about 40 ft apart. He said "something stinks in my car" and I said "it's a rotten orange" because I could smell it from that distance overwhelming. And sure enough he looked around and discovered a rotten orange under the seat. I would be really good at forensics because I can often literally smell what has happened in a place, but that would drive me insane I'm sure!

[@steveneardley7541]

I also have problematical "superpowers." I hear frequencies of sound way above normal (and use this in my piano tuning). I have also tested myself on a spectrophotometer and found that I see way into the ultraviolet spectrum. The visual stuff isn't a problem. Ultraviolet just looks violet to me. However, my sensitivity to sound has been a problem. I always have box fans going to drown out ambient noise, and am easily startled by any unexpected noise. As a child I could be kept awake by a dripping faucet in another room.

[@27daisuki]

god this is so relatable 😭 working at starbucks as an undiagnosed autistic was the worst. every time i came home after a shift i was a zombie and pretty much mute. I started hating myself too, probably because i didn't understand why i'd feel so drained and also because i hated being there but i kept going back the next day. I also thought that everyone hated me, and it didn't help that a coworker actually told me that a supervisor was talking bad about me when I wasn't there. I'll never forget how obsessed i was to find out why. What was wrong with me? Why do you hate me when i'm trying so hard to not fall apart and putting so much energy into my masks? there were many misunderstandings at times too, some that got me in trouble and other times i'd just get weird looks and I could never understand what I did wrong. when I finally got into a 9-5 career after months and months of failed interviews, i was fired within 2 weeks. I really don't think i can handle a 9-5 and it's really hard trying to find an alternative, but i'm trying. it's so frustrating 😞

[@maryhubbart4940]

My experience mirrored yours. If I talk about it, the hurt feelings from mistreatment and being misunderstood make me cry as if it were yesterday. You are brave to share your experience so honestly. It really helped me feel not so terrible. Thank you.

[@melissabyrd1310]

I get like that too

[@LegalVampire]

Hearing you talk at the end about your boss telling you you weren't doing your job well anymore just because you weren't happy & smiley really hit me, and tears swelled up for you. I'm sorry that happened! I can picture myself in the situation. This is why I'm a big advocate in my workplace for 'DiSC' profiling, which encourages everyone in the office to acknowledge each others' value for their way of working, and accomodate each others working styles instead of discriminating against people for how they behave while they work (i.e. doing a great job, but being very reserved and untalkative).

[@SolvingTheMoneyProblem]

I hated working for others so much, and KNEW that it was unsustainable, so I focused like a MANAIC on investing (a special interest) and becoming financially independent (aka "solving the money problem"). I got fired from my first job and 2 warnings at my second along the way, then went into business on my own (best thing to ever happen). A few years later I reached my goal and retired, then got bored, then started a KZbin channel about investing and have never been more fulfilled 🙂 KZbin is literally PERFECT for me. I don't need to deal with others, can work my own schedule and speak my mind 100% of the time. And because I don't *need* money, there's no pressure. I can make as much or as little content as I want. I only ever make videos because I want to, not need to. It was excruciatingly difficult and painful to get to this point and took a decade of insane focus, sacrifice etc but man, it was worth it. I could not imagine working a job ever again.

[@Power_Verse_]

A true success story !! Im on this route!

[@debdanielle]

So happy for you!

[@HolisticDramaFree]

Thank you for this amazing good news. I'm motivated to do this 💥

[@plantstho6599]

SMR!

[@trekker105]

Uhhh...I'm 99% sure you could sue that last boss into a cardboard box if you wanted to.

[@inlonging]

Oh boy. I had a very similar situation. I was accused of being a gossip at one of my jobs, which was just ridiculous seeing how I don’t socialize. My explanation was everyone just came and talked at me and I wanted to be left alone, but my desk was next to the break table so they would sit there and start interrupting my work and they were the gossips, not me. It got super stressful socially, plus the fact I was working and putting myself through school, that I had a burnout that turned physical. Ended up in the hospital for a week, but unable to work for about 6 weeks. When I returned I was told that I was failing at my duties. They didn’t give me a babysitter but made me write down a list of everything I did for every minute I did it. So 9:58 clocked in, 9:59 printed my task list, 10am, read my task list, etc they wanted to know exactly what I did when, with whom I spoke, bathroom time, all of it. Talk about stressful! So I left. The two times I was fired rather than quitting, both were social issues. One I was told, “Your work is great but you’re a very hard person to get along with.” What? That was news to me! I thought things were fine. The other one involved people breaking policy/lying/stealing/etc and when I reported them I was the one fired. Why? “You’re not a team player”. What. So a lot of social things. I try to keep my nose down and work hard but all the other women are so catty and mean, gossiping, sneaking, lying, I don’t get it. I just want to work. Leave me alone and let me work.

[@knzay]

I worked as a medical assistant for 2 years before going to medical school, and it was 2 years of feeling like an alien. I masked well enough to ace the interview. I masked well enough to get along with patients. And I always tried to be a friendly, cooperative coworker, but they were usually frustrated with how I communicated or felt like I didn't do enough to be a part of the team. When they were training me on the job, they couldn't understand why certain things were hard to grasp or why I had to do things differently to make it more efficient for me. I will never forget the time I basically got bullied for being slow at a task that was incredibly overstimulating for me, and was forced to stay 3hrs late to finish it. I didn't know I was autistic. I stayed in the job because I wanted the experience for my medical applications. I learned so much at that job, but suffered so much. Felt so misunderstood and outcast. But I know they felt the loss of having an intelligent hardworker when I finally left.

[@bs4real]

Doctors offices are the WORST! too many pts, crappy equipment, worse training...

[@watergirl0077]

I can relate. I found my dream job working at a water filtration place where I’m the only person operating and I know my schedule for an entire year in advance. I do have to deal with people occasionally but it’s a bearable amount 😊👍🏻.

[@CyranofromBergerac]

That explains your username.

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

I hit about 2 years at each job before the social pressure and feeling incredibly alone and disconnected from everyone just burns me out. 9:07 lol exactly

[@garethbaus5471]

I have found that I am fairly well suited to manual labor your boss usually doesn't care if you are smiling or polite, the work is usually easy to quantify and repetitive, and the pay is decent.

[@michellee2722]

Thank you 1,000 times for affirming what I’ve recently suspected at age 50. I feel like you’re saving me. I appreciate you.

[@seablue6014]

Same here I’m 50 as well I wish that I had known this for the first half of my life

[@elkecole9911]

I’m 50 next year and after doing a tonne of research and parenting my asd 14 year old son I now know that I am also on the spectrum. I kinda had an epiphany when my sons paediatrician suggested to me that he believed I have adhd, but then I looked back at all my behaviours that set me apart from everyone else. I don’t really have friends, I just know lots of people, but choose to be alone, I like my company and get drained easily by others. I want to get a formal diagnosis but don’t have the money to afford it.

[@leanngarza401]

50 yr old, huh? These are the same Executive Functioning symptoms caused by a hormonal deficiency in women (i.e., menopause). I have all these issues as well- many due to hormonal deficiencies. Something worth checking out if 40+.

[@michellee2722]

@@leanngarza401 No unfortunately that isn’t my case. I had to have a complete hysterectomy 15 years ago and have been on HRT since. But thanks for the concern!

[@lucyilly428]

I haven’t been diagnosed with autism but have had 20 jobs so far. I’m never unemployed long but really struggle with the working world and quit when it’s gets too exhausting. I love working but really struggle with the mundane tasks, illogical and inefficient way of working.

[@offintonebula]

I've suspected for a long time that I'm autistic. I'm a 32 year old woman and your videos are helping me to wrap my head around it. This one in particular REALLY struck home. EVERYTHING you said I've experienced.

[@Brittney1986]

I have a very similar work history. I did nannying for the longest, because usually the kids had a set routine and kids never judged me and I could play and relax with them. I got tired of the parents, they would regularly disrespect me and my time and even sometimes I felt in the middle of their marriage. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Now I’m in college, I’m really empathic and compassionate about people suffering. Now that I know I’m autistic, I’m struggling a lot with self doubt. I hope when I’m actually a therapist (if I can do it) things feel natural and I can do it long term. Having financial security is my biggest struggle so far, besides my sensitivities. It’s hard living in a world I seem incompatible with.

[@liveuser8527]

Perhaps you should buy CRYPTOCURRENCY.. You are autistic...read the charts and patters.. Only CRYPTO and NASDAQ have ourperformed inflation.. Those are the only 2 assets to have done this

[@KombuchaBuzzed]

I’ve changed jobs every two years for awhile now. I finally got out of food service.. that’s hell. Now I’m in retail and the forced small talk is real. I put on a fake smile and try to be as normal as I can be. I know I slip sometimes when I catch myself biting my nails, swinging my arms, and cracking my knuckles too much. I don’t like downtime but I also don’t want to be the only person working. All my coworkers have time to chat and go on smoke breaks. I’m expected to work every second cuz I’m quiet. Life just seems unfair. I get depressed thinking about the meaninglessness of it all. I often dream of starting my own business. Maybe that’ll be my next adventure. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@Nadi1177]

I hope and pray you find something that suits you 🙏❤🙏

[@BadgerLord]

I'm autistic with ADHD. I have this insatiable need to socialize but the inability to deal with small talk. I'm working in a large office with bright lights and lots of chatting and laughing people. it can be hard now that I'm 4 months deep and experiencing burnout. I think my manager is handling my accommodations well. She's validating my feelings, not debating when I need time off or just to work remotely from home and I can work anywhere and not just in my department. I can go work in an interview room which has enough space for just me. I find it easier to work this job than others because everyone understands when to leave me alone and doesn't judge me when I make a mistake in social cues. EG, my desk buddy for a while let me know that it's rude to pick up a phone call no matter how important when in a conversation. I thought we had finished and I thought I had let him know I needed to pick that up but he taught me how to effectively and politely say "sorry I need to pick this up, would u mind if I did, it's really important?" and awaiting a response. Paired with ADHD it can be hard to sit still all the time so I frequently go on walks around my workplace, I meet a lot of strangers and that's fun for me. Usually, it's the same "hi how are you? I'm good etc" so I don't have to remember their names or what they're up to. My manager embraces my creativity and is always up for trying new processes or chatting about my opinions about our marketing and running of things because I used to be the customer and know what the other end is like for this company. I think working a 9-5 job for someone with this requires boundaries, a bit of hand-holding sometimes, and a LOT of flexibility within your workplace. I'm lucky enough that I found a company flexible enough and had a job available for my special interests (making processes easier and data basing for information)

[@emmathackeray2173]

Recently diagnosed neurodivergent at 47, your experience rings so true for my experiences in the workplace... I have lost so much confidence in my skills through the imposter syndrome, gaslighting and being misunderstood.

[@liveuser8527]

Would you mind if I did several wrestling moves on you... Including the STONE COLD STUNNER and PEDIGREE ?

[@aratakitheoneandoniitto]

Your story towards the end reminded me a lot of my experience at my very first job working as a cashier. We had a long list of exhausting and unnecessary questions we HAD to ask the customer and HAD to be smiling the entire time. After awhile I would stop doing some of them because I was just so drained by the end of the day, and a lot of customers would get irritable for asking so many questions. So of course on one of the most tiring days I got a mystery shopper and they gave me a terrible customer experience grade. I got pulled into the office and told that apparently I had received the worst grade that they had ever gotten in the history of the store, and that they were assigning me a manager for retraining. She stood at the end of my cash register all day with a clip board making notes, and when I would look over to her she would put on a big bright exaggerated smile and point to her face as a reminder. It felt incredibly dystopian, and I cried in the bathroom every day during my breaks at that job. Very frustrating because I could fake it for awhile and knew what I was supposed to do, but I couldn't keep it up all day. Lessons about what I need out of a job learned the hard way.

[@ChrisstineLynnn]

Olivia I am going through this crap as we speak. Although I'm so sorry you felt ALL these horrible job experiences, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for voicing them so I can see it's not just me....all the thoughts and behaviors you mentioned now explain so much of my working life. Please keep making these videos for us... even though I LOVE the contagious joy you express, I just as much loved how vulnerable you were in your Depression video...that was POWERFUL and wonderful for us all to share in..thank you.

[@lizf3325]

❤️🍀✨

[@VirginiaLynn1984]

At the beginning of quarantine, I was let go upon the time they were allowing people to return to work..cause my boss told me I was "OFF"....Even though I was early for work every day, kept to myself and did an amazing job. He even acknowledged that and told me how good of a worker I was.. I was a server.. for the sheer fact I was advised to push myself into social situations to help improve myself by my therapist. I had the same job for nearly 10 years before, that I absolutely loved..and worked with a small group of the same people..we were a family. It was easy and I was so used to it. So you can imagine, when I had to find work, fast..and enough to support myself..I thought serving would be my best bet. Ever since my boss told me that.. I have insane anxiety. If he only knew how hard it was for me...and how far I had come..just for him to set me back....

[@Mateliarae]

I am currently working as a school bus monitor, and this has to be the happiest I've been in a job. I definitely need the time to work and make money, for my own mental health. And the nature of the job allows me plenty of down time to unmask in-between routes, plus it's a routine that I don't have to control, so it's a routine I can keep. I love working with the kids, especially the preschoolers, and everything comes together for a job that I can love.

[@MsCheesemonster13]

I was horrendous at interviews, and never managed to get a job in my chosen field, although I had post-grad. qualifications. Now I’ve ended up working nights at a dead-end job, but as most of the people I work with seem to be on the spectrum, to a greater or lesser extent, my lack of people skills are less of an issue. I’m so grateful to you for making these videos as I now have an explanation for why I am this way, and I no longer blame myself for things I cannot help. I don’t blame my family any more, either.

[@JD96893]

I've been looking for a job for 2+ months. I've been 'under employed' since March-ish. I currently work as a private English teacher independently and part time at an institute. I only have 2 private students and barely get by. A couple a months ago i decided to start looking for a proper job as a programmer(been studying for almost 2 years), English teacher, or anything that pays a constant wage. As a native speaking English teacher in a foreign country you'd think it would be easy to find a job(there arent many of us), but somehow i am just horrible at it. I've always had such a hard time finding a job, i think my current job at the institute is the only one I've ever had that wasn't quasi nepotism, all of my previous jobs have been through connections. What hurts the most is family and friends see me as lazy because i don't have a job that pays anything meaningful. Will admit i can try harder, but i think i speak for most people on the spectrum when i say going business to business and constantly applying to jobs or going to interviews is extremely draining. Interviews make me extremely anxious and can either send my hopes soaring or throw me into a pit of despair. Whenever i go around offering my services or asking for work, etc i feel so exposed. Sometimes people aren't very nice when i am doing this and that hurts even more.

[@mayloomis9638]

Watching this video was hard for me, it brought back a lot of stuff from what happened to me in the past couple of years. I've always been very committed to doing a good job, and good at finding efficient ways to work and get a lot done, but dealing with coworkers is torture. And unfortunately, I have this dreadful inability to quit once I get into a situation - partially because I'm afraid of being unemployed and having no income, partially because I get stuck in a habit and it's hard to change. So twice (one job for 8 yrs & one job for 7 yrs) I stuck out the increasingly awful bullying, them promoting the bully to be my supervisor, and all the gaslighting and being yelled at till the PTSD got too extreme. Except that now I'm afraid to deal with employers. I finally got the autism diagnosis last year, but I had also let my last employer know up front that I had anxiety issues and workplace PTSD issues when I had gotten that job, hoping this would help them to understand me, but nope. I did great at the job and loved the work, but it was more and more and more stressful as they kept piling on the work and the social expectations. And when I went to them for help because of the awful stress they just got irritable with me, and then angry when I started getting so stressed that I was at the point of having daily autistic meltdowns triggered by their 'meetings' to 'help my work process'. (I have never had a meltdown that was not directly associated with - being a teenager (long ago), losing a loved one, or work.) I think it's important to note that the employers at the last job weren't bullies like at the previous jobs, but they were just so very aggressively clueless. In a very harmful way. The worst was when she got so angry with me for me being so very stressed out by her but trying to do my best to still manage to function that she abruptly ended the zoom call. So now I'm in a position that I don't know what to do or how I can possibly deal anymore with employers. Unfortunately, I mask really well in interviews, and my awkwardness just seems initially I think like anyone who is new would be awkward so they don't think much of it. People just don't realize that my awkwardness never entirely goes away. I've also been accused of all sorts of crazy expressions (I'm snarky, I'm laughing at them when they're upset, I'm angry, I'm being disrespectful, etc) when all I want to do is be allowed to sit and do my work with people around me who are kind to me and to each other. I've been shut out of work cliques which, realistically, I don't care about (because cliques are just a different kind of social pressure), but then people look down on me because I'm not fitting in. I've had it with dealing with all that. I'm just done. - Thank you for your video though, I've really enjoyed your channel.

[@seashells1460]

"people look down at me because I'm not fitting in" I relate so much. I just quit a job today because I could already feel this happening after just a week. I can't stand it. It brings back all the bullying I went through in middle school and other terrible jobs. I've decided to work for myself pretty sure it's the only way I can be happy

[@bs4real]

I was often told "the look on your face " type of things.How in the hell was I supposed to control what other people thought the look on my face at a given moment in time,would mean????

[@FATMIKED5183]

This was me working as a dishwasher at a busy resteraunt.Two days in I was by far the best dishwasher.The way I saw it it was far from rocket science.The tasks actually seem to be geared pretty well toward an autistic mind.Others loved the way I organized the dish window and how consistent I was.I just couldn't handle the stress of dealing with coworkers,especially the servers.I hung in for six months because I was affraid of not being able to find a new job soon enough,but then I hit my breaking point and just walked out one night.

[@SongBillong]

5:20 Absolutely spot-on. I started a new job in March (after being at my previous underpaying job for five years) and I know I'm just not fitting in. People talk to me like a child, even though I'm very experienced and very good at my job (and I'm older than most of my colleagues!). It's so frustrating and I can't cope with it for much longer. It's just so very tiring... Fantastic video and channel, by the way! It's so nice to listen to people who understand! 🙂

[@charlotteice5704]

difficulties with work is how I actually found out I am autistic. I just saw the story of someone who really struggles with keeping a job and the application process and everything that comes along with it due to being autistic and I related so hard to that so I looked into autism more and it just made all the little oddities and weird things and difficulties in my life make sense. My current job is an apprenticeship to become an event technician, which I am doing in a theatre. It's just so perfect for me: Due to the circumstances (I simply asked for an internship, got it and then was offered an apprenticeship and as it was already a few months late in the year to start one, there wasn't some nightmarishly bureaucratic application process), I didn't have to go through the whole application process, which I would have never been able to do. I also work odd, constantly changing hours which is actually perfect for me as a routine schedule, especially one where work starts early, is horrific for me. Although I love routines and hate change, that is one area where I need constant change. If I worked 9-5, I would become very depressed very quickly, at least under my current circumstances. My job is also a very social one, but even though it can get exhausting socially, I find it really enjoyable. One possible reason for this is that the type of socializing we do isn't coffee machine small talk at the office, but out of necessity (a lot of things are so heavy that you just can't really do anything with them on your own) and there is rarely any small talk, just deeper conversations and jokes. Also, I love my job (and also succeed at it thus far) because it's one of my special interests. I'm really lucky that the guy with a lot of power over my employment or unemployment there is reasonable, empathetic and tolerant towards differences.

[@eswnl1]

I get the feeling it was simpler in the old days. As long as you were competent, it didn’t matter how much of a people pleaser you were. So what’s changed?

[@catty1997]

No it was the same cos the managers who expect you to fawn are often fawners themselves that’s how they got there

[@KathrineJKozachok]

Honestly, more people attended church and read the Bible before TV and radio. Different programming - that changed everything.

[@stygiantwst]

in the old days it was still only men who could get away with that. People pleasing is mandatory for women from birth.

[@orangeziggy348]

The only way that one store can compete with another store is through friendly customer service. They believe that if your workers are friendly then that’s what makes the customers buy things from your store and choose your store instead of th either store. I call baloney on that- what makes people buy things is the cheaper price!! Not how much someone is smiling.

[@cndefoex]

my dad, who suspects he is autistic, recommended your channel to me! i was diagnosed autistic last year after my family suspected it since i was a toddler (pediatrician refused to test me, it's a long story -_-) my employment history shows a pattern of my threshold decreasing; 3 years, 1 year, 6 months, 3 months... i finally managed to stay at my second attempt at a full time job for 2 years but i had to go out on disability leave 7 months ago due to severe autistic burnout. i was literally in crisis. i'm still struggling but i'm happy to say with my treating team's help i'm not in a crisis situation anymore. the discrimination faced by autistic people in the workplace is so rampant and i'm glad you're speaking up about it. i've done my best to educate my family and friends about the discrimination we face on the daily, whether it's at the workplace, in public, etc. i'm still fighting to get the disability benefits owed to me because of continual discrimination and fraud from the company and their group disability policy. i know i said this before but thank you so much for speaking up about this and sharing your story, i'm so sorry you had to go through that but i'm glad you've found comfort and success through it. hoping that's my next chapter too.

[@Better_ND_Travel]

I’m

[@carole5648]

i'm in the process of realizing that i'm autistic, and deciding if i should seek a professional diagnosis. i work as an office manager and receptionist, i greet people all day and deal with employees problems. before the pandemic i was so burnt out, depressed and just went home everyday and cried and went to bed i couldn't do anything beyond putting my son to bed at night. i still work in the same position, but since working from home for the last 1.5 years i'm not sure if i'm capable of doing that 'permanent mask' that i had before, and i don't want to, but i also am scared of looking or interviewing. even if i find a job posting that sounds really interesting i get super anxious and talk myself out of it before i even get past the application. all my experience is customer facing, i dug myself this hole, but i don't know how to get out of it.

[@SueCherry]

Wow, I feel exactly the same! I also worked as an office manager, and everytime I started a job I got more and nore exhausted by the day, because of all the masking, phone calls, noises (and anxiety I felt). I'm currently really searching for a job where I can work from home, but there are hardly any office manager jobs that are from home... Currently getting tested for autism. How are you, did you start another job?

[@nicolegalloway1445]

So, after experiencing what you experienced in the professional feilds for 20 years I decided to try being a teacher's aid in autistic support. I absolutely love it!! I am amazing at it!! Except the same thing happened there. I had to drop my mask with my coworkers and boss. Then came the the talk about my work suffering when it wasn't. Then, came the rules, everything from not eating lunch with everyone and no longer being able to share what my life was like to no bathroom breaks. , , Every day, my boss had a new rule. The stress and pressure of the rules became so much. Plus, I was now aggressive and snapping at her and my anxiety was making her anxious I went to HR and asked to work with another teacher or at a different school and was told that leaving the understanding, caring classroom I was in would further be detrimental to my mental health. Obviously, me asking to transfer was another personal attack against my boss Now, I was no longer allowed to interrupt her or open the door. I quit and decided to sub for the organization. I applied for another position at another school and did not even get an interview even though I was the only applicant for the position and I was currently placed as a sub in that position and worked there for two months. Instead, I was encouraged to reapply to my previous position. To top things off, OVR says I can no longer work in this field, because I have personality conficts and I cannot just get over the PTSD from these experinces. Anyway, your video gave me so much hope! I felt validated for the first time ever! My plan now is to keep subbing, and maybe go back to school for my certifications against medical advice! Lol! After all, there is a huge shortage of AS teachers, so eventually soneone will hire me!

[@kellygarnet6329]

I work at a software company and statistically there are a lot of people in that line of work that are on the spectrum. I exhibit a number of traits but have never been diagnosed. I can remember a number of incidents that I can see now had there basis in ASD.

[@letitiad8440]

I also work at a software company as a backend web-developer. I suspect that I have ASD and am on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist regarding this. I do enjoy my job, however I have noticed that I struggle with a few things: when talking about a ticket, it's always in person or via video call - my auditory memory is atrocious and I barely remember anything that's said during the meeting afterwards, but they talk so quickly, I'm unable to make notes during the conversation. I also have to ask them to repeat things, as I don't catch it the first time. I wish I could get written feedback instead, but I think it would be too time-consuming for the other person. Another thing I struggle with is when tickets are too ambiguous - I often find that the Project Manager hasn't specified a ticket well enough, so before I can even start working on it, I have to ask the PM lots of questions. I can't just start working on something until I fully understand what needs to be done. No-one else in my team seems to have these issues though and because I don't have a diagnosis, I don't want to ask for any accommocations, as I don't want to seem incompetent. Can you relate to either of these issues?

[@ladystardust2008]

100% identify. What can I say but yet again a pathetically grateful thank you for your uploads. It's all so clear to me when I hear you say it out loud. Once more I am sitting here staggered that I am 53 years old and no diagnosis. Thanks all the folk who are sharing comments too. It all helps 🙃

[@michellee2722]

Same here at age 50. This is mind blowing. I feel like I’ve wasted the first half of my life not knowing what was wrong with me. Hearing her say it out loud affirms and shocks me at the same time. Good luck on your diagnosis journey.

[@sadieesther9721]

I’m so excited to farm with my fiancé someday... I want to stay home and take care of the home and farm and animals. I have a job in government now and I scrape by mentally. I’m so tired of being misunderstood by my boss. Also met my fiancé at work :)

[@cjpatriot2923]

I was diagnosed last year at 43. I've been at my job for almost 15 years. Everyone says I'm great at my job... Except management. I'm good enough to train others and do the job, but never good enough to promote. They expect me to play the office politics game. I've juggled work, college, grad school and 5 kids. I've survived an abusive relationship and am with a wonderful person now. I struggle with anxiety, depression and PTSD along with my ASD. I was othered in school since 2nd grade and called the r word despite having above average intelligence. I hear what you're saying, I just wish I knew a way to tackle the problem and break the glass ceiling rather than go a different route. I guess I'm stubborn that way. I'm so tired of trying to hide the fact that I'm different. It never really worked anyway.

[@alexamunoz7943]

I am super methodical/perfectionist, so when I do a job I want to do it right! Was the only one out of my large training group at an insurance call center that was not promoted (worked there 2 years) simply because I did not take enough calls fast enough. Had my manager tell me that I needed to pick up the pace. I was so frustrated that I literally burst into tears in front of him and went into uncontrollable hiccup/gasp crying. I was so embarrassed and super ticked that they thought I wasn’t doing a good job when I was doing as best I could! I just got stuck on doing the best job possible w each call. Didn’t want to leave out any important notes for the other departments that may be handling that customer’s case. Fortunately, my hubby got a good job and I was able to quit and be a full time mom :)

[@KauTi0N]

I always get into situations at work when my words or actions get misinterpreted as negative when they aren't. This leads to feeling misunderstood and that triggers anxiety, depression and doubt in myself. That causes lack of productivity and then it further causes my boss to view me as not a good fit. It's really hard to cope with feeling misunderstood all the time and then with their attitudes toward my mental health. I want to run a business to be able to change management styles and understanding for people in the job.

[@lizf3325]

Great topic! Definitely needs more attention. I don’t think people understand also the societal guilt and frustration. I do good with the interview because I can read what they want and mirror, PLUS I am skilled but, after the first phase of “doing great” I start to go in decline. I used to be able to carry a job for months but, a few years ago I was diagnosed with Ménière’s disease and it turned the dial on all my challenges waaaaay up! I was doing a few weeks here and then another job. I was on three months at this new job last year and things really came to a head and I had a total break down. I don’t work now and I’m trying to redesign my life in a way that isn’t always grinding myself right to that edge. That it’s ok to not be ok, to be gentle with my self. -Nothing is worth your mental health (like you said). Im taking time to grow my art..heal❤️

[@kevinchavarria6792]

I hate the 9-5 because of the repetitive cycles, I hate going to the same building seeing the same four walls everyday and dealing with the same people then knowing you will be doing the same thing the next day it's really irritating I feel that I don't belong in this world not to mention dealing with very extroverted people can be frustrating especially if they aren't logical

[@janeann3331]

This video was awesome. 👍 ✨ 🌟I have been to several therapists and explain my work situation but they did not understand. I'm still working out the PTSD...I got a babysitter too at work. My boss was not a nice lady and wanted to micromanage me because I didn't have the social skill. I had enough and quit. I haven't worked in three years and laboring on starting a business. Thanks for conveying your story.

[@madisonmunro7299]

This video really hits home for me right now. I really appreciate you sharing your experience

[@bigchaz6426]

Another great video Olivia! Keep up the good work! x

[@hhwippedcream]

This resonate so much. Thank you soo soo much for sharing and bearing your spine. It really takes guts to put your experiences out there. Thank you so much!

[@nonamesarentreal6089]

It seems like a common theme is being under an inept boss who doesn't actually know how to measure the quality of their workers, and just defaults to "You no smile, you bad worker." It's like they put our lessors in charge...

[@ulssigoo_]

Thank you for sharing. This is a real eye opener. God bless you !

[@Koomoa]

Thank you for telling your story, it is really helping me come to grasp with a very similar work place event, I've gone through recently.

[@m.b3446]

Thank you for sharing this. This is SUPPPERR relatable!!!

[@FairianEdw]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience in this video! I suffered similar situations

[@julieb2398]

Great to see you! Glad you got some self care time. Loved your video. Brightest blessings.

[@loxuni460]

I am so grateful that I get to hear your experience on this. You have an amazing insight on this topic. Much appreciated! ^_^

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks so much for your channel! Love the topics!

[@kristens_human]

This is exactly how I felt. As just being diagnosed myself, this was very validating for me. Thank you!

[@khaworth6928]

Thank you Olivia. Your videos are always so informative. Congratulations on your success as an entrepreneur.

[@angelabernard3804]

Thanks for your posts and you’re inspiring!

[@jessicakirsh]

All of this makes so much sense for me. Thank you for sharing your story, Olivia.

[@genesissking]

this video made me feel so seen. i’ve been struggling with the same patterns & i thought i was crazy. thank you for your videos!!

[@bethelmorris7703]

You go girl! Keep speaking the truth in love. God bless you!💕

[@cupofteawithpoetry]

Thank you Olivia. I resonate with your video SO much ❤

[@aaronkneile]

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!

[@salluceadministration6201]

You inspire our Manager Develop Department! Thank you sooo much for the useful information :) you have helped our business understand the true struggles. Keep up the amazing work 💪❤️‍🔥

[@helliegodfrey6478]

Thank you so much! I struggle with the social aspect of work so much and spend my down time lying down. Just need to find another job I can manage :)

[@ambieecami]

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[@monicaLynn7]

I’m so grateful I found your channel! I live in San Diego! I relate to this video so much. I diagnosed with autism seven months ago, all of a sudden things made sense. I’ve experienced being a target at my jobs which is difficult. Learning and growing everyday

[@aquaaack422]

I've never felt more validated 🥰😭✨🙏🏾 Thank you for this. You have no idea how much I need your video.

[@mauralombardi9634]

Olivia thank you so much for sharing!

[@kamistark772]

Would it be possible to do a video on going through highschool with autism (unknowingly)

[@OliviaHops]

That video is already planned!! It’s one I’m very excited to do. Hopefully I’ll do it within the next month or so.

[@kamistark772]

@@OliviaHops I cannot wait 🥰🥰🥰🥰 Thank you so much for everything seriously

[@taraa1949]

@@OliviaHops excited to see this! I was skilled at becoming invisible in high school!

[@ByeByeBelly]

I didn't haha. I left school at 12

[@fawn5984]

This experience very closely mirrors my own. Thank you for making this video. I have spent too many years trying and failing to work a conventional job, wondering what was wrong with me. It's really great to hear yours and other people's experiences, I feel a lot less alone. ☺️

[@Hex_Designz]

Dude thank you- this experience exactly sounds like what I have been going through the last 8 years. I’m trying to start my own business too now because of this. It made me feel so much better about myself hearing I am not alone.

[@VeegstezCreates]

You are so so refreshingly authentic and awesome! I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum and have been for a few years. So much of what you talk about resonates with me. I'm so so glad for you that you are happy and healthy and look forward to hearing more about how you set up your own business and live your life now in a way that meets your needs. I would love to work for myself, but have so much fear about different things like paying taxes etc plus I have lots of health conditions which mean I can only work part time anyway. I'm so glad I found your channel, you're a very inspiring woman! Terri x

[@peshahgalen2768]

You are amazing, truly amazing.🦋 Your open heart just made me understand my entire career journey, including undergraduate and graduate school, which ended in my being self employed. I didn't understand what happened in my life until I heard you. I value you so very much, Olivia. Thank you for your beautiful heart and for being fully you. 💙🦋💙

[@kamistark772]

I am SO thankful to be watching you tonight ❤️❤️❤️❤️ You have helped me see so many things clearly!!!!!

[@brendasbookcase3838]

Wow this is great! I'm so much. Thanks Olivia!

[@FindingFarrahBlog]

Yay story time! Sorry to hear you had some rough experiences with work.. but thank you for sharing! They were very relatable! I also couldn’t keep my first career job due to an anxiety depression spiral… I’m recovering from the experience, but really worry about whether or not I’ll ever find a job that I can keep long term… not only that, but I struggle with whether or not I want to put myself through all that pressure again! But if I can’t work, what to do then both financially and with my time… great topic though, thanks again for sharing!

[@marybischoff-moore922]

Brilliant job!! 😍

[@dellab3680]

Dude I relate to your experiences in every possible way. Thank you for making this video. I need to see someone to get diagnosed‼️