Understanding Your Aspie Partner: Live Q&A

[@georgehaake]

We need a video for Aspie's understanding non Aspie partners...

[@midknight1968]

Yes we do

[@Claudiese]

Yes, please...

[@alriiightythennn]

Very very much agree. AND Aspie/Aspie relationships. There seems to be a lack of content about two neurodivergent couples.

[@hm09235nd]

@@alriiightythennn agree!

[@raylaughlan5324]

@@alriiightythennn yes!! I’m an aspie girl and my “one that got away” for a long time was an aspie guy. Our connection was CRAZY and I’d love to find out if that was because of the Aspergers or just because of similar interests like normal couples.

[@PacificNWGrl]

I love how you’re bouncing a ball in the video for your ability to stay on track. I’ve gotten so much out of your videos.

[@susannelundberg4993]

This video was great! I really enjoy listening to you! Please do more of these relationship videos, they are needed! Happy holidays! /Suzanne from Sweden

[@safyafarooq2878]

Thank you so much for this video. I showed it to my NT husband, because u are expressing the things so much better, than I ever could. So it was a big help for me to explain to my husband about the challenges that I face every day. I paused ur video after every of ur answers and we talked about that. I am looking forward for everyone of ur videos, they are really helpful. May God give u a big reward for ur good works.

[@mightyr9721]

What was your foundation to get into a relationship were you are not validated, respected and loved because who you are? And from what you said in your statement, why did you get married that don't even know you nor care for you? I am not intending to hurt you but I want your opinion, and please make an effort to clear yourself, this will help us as people who have an aspie in our lives and believe me, it will help you to have a better and honest view about the person you share your life with, that obviously doesn't love you as you deserve. Sending you an imaginary hug.

[@melanierouge588]

17:00 having a second bed is awesome. sometimes you just need your own space, be it stressful day, late night/early morning, sick, insomnia, burnouts, etc. It's never used as a fight thing though. And we both alternate with the second bed, both are shared spaces but one is more my style and the second is more his style.

[@derekslonaker7424]

Hugs are ny choice for assisting my meltdowns/overloads, especially for a widower like me, that used to give and get plenty of them ib our 44 years of domestic bliss.

[@delll372]

thank you so much for covering this topic. it has been most helpful to understand our aspie partner. please do more :)

[@ppageau]

Been with my aspie for 25 years and didn’t know he was until a few years ago. The frustration for me was unbearable at times because even after talks, it didn’t work. I realized it would be up to me to figure out how to deal with his behaviour because it would never change. I either had to get out or change the way I understood him. I identify myself as an empath so we are complete opposites. So as much as you want them to be aware of their behaviour it’s the expectation of them changing that doesn’t work. I make him work on things that are uncomfortable and the result is it’s been much more calm between us. I stopped expecting anything so in order to make my life whole I needed to accept him as a whole and allow myself to just be me even though I’m making all the changes.

[@aceprophecy]

I understand how unfair that can be for you. Are you at all familiar with the double empathy theory in autism?

[@ppageau]

@@aceprophecy I’m not familiar. Since my post it’s been amazing how the dynamics have changed and all is going better than expected so I don’t question it anymore.

[@lynncarter4964]

This is the exact kind of phase I'm going through finally. No more hoping, just realizing after 6 years, that even when he learns something, EVEN WHEN HE MAKES THE FULL EFFORT, he will go back to previous behavior, because he'll forget how he did it, forget what even transpired, because of the lack of intuition in the moment of learning, it'll never stick, and its not his fault. God, its been a hard journey to realizing I'll never get what I hoped for, and that's ok.

[@ppageau]

@@lynncarter4964 so sorry I know how hard it can be. You can be happy, just not the way we see it. I’ve grown so much more than a year ago since this post so if you want fulfillment it has to come from you. Wish you peace in your heart. 💕

[@Pee-Pad]

My wife of 15 years has been great. I haven’t been diagnosed yet (November) but she seems to have had the aha moment as my twin brother was diagnosed a few months ago. She’s been nothing but understanding and we’re both working towards a common goal. If anything, I’m just having to be more trusting which is actually nice. Like, she hasn’t left after 15 years. I can trust her!

[@hisnewlife3543]

I dont think NTs understand. My ex husband used to “diagnose” me of being a narcissist just because I needed a lot of time by myself. It made me go inward even more and I thought it was cruel. It made me feel like no one understood me at all and it has been very lonely ever since. After learning that I am ASD instead, he made no effort whatsoever to learn about Aspergers and ASD and I tried telling him about the traits of an Aspie and he told me to tell someone who cared. That was so awful to hear. Now I am afraid to tell anyone about it. More than anything, I think Aspies want someone to know them and to understand.

[@Alphacentauri819]

I am so sorry you experienced this. Unfortunately Aspergers does look a lot like narcissism. It feels painful to a NT, just like being with a narcissistic partner. Hence the reason there are videos explaining the differences. My partner wasn’t diagnosed for the first 11 off/on years of being together. Things felt very off from prior relationships..and while he had some good traits, they would often be overshadowed by the hurtful behavior, that would be destructive to our relationship. The behaviors he did, would be what a selfish and rude NT would do...& would be unacceptable. I often couldn’t believe what I was experiencing. I had no idea. Had I known and been educated about it prior, I would’ve read and tried to figure things out then. I reacted to the things he did, because they were so hurtful. My hurt reactions didn’t help the situation, and the gap between us widened. I hear you on wanting to be known and understood. That was the whole reason I would get upset and frustrated, feeling so unseen and unheard. My Aspie partner could not engage in a connecting way. I often felt he didn’t trust me, include me in plans, listen well...as a result I felt not good enough and not loved. I now realize that wasn’t the case. Most Aspies don’t understand NT’s...nor do NT’s understand Aspies. I can sometimes see very different things from his perspective, but he struggles to see mine. The validation is important. I would reach out to connect to him, but he rarely did to me. The one sided nature was very difficult. Once he received his diagnosis, I tried to reframe all the hurtful behaviors he’d done, through that new lens. It sometimes helped. I read books, articles on it...we went to an Aspergers specialist for couples. It was still like speaking two different languages. He actually would’ve been quite happy, as long as I didn’t communicate much about needs or frustrations. I worked hard to meet his needs...and felt like I wasn’t allowed to really have any, because if I wanted more of anything, it seemed to always cause conflict. I just wanted to be heard, validated, and sometimes reassured. The beginning of our relationship, a few months in, I started to feel invisible unless he wanted something from me. Almost like I was a shoe. You need your shoe, but you don’t pay much attention to it. You don’t appreciate it or anything. It’s there for when you want to go somewhere, that’s about it. Due to the pain from this relationship, I’m not sure I’ll ever be in a relationship again. I have a lot of healing. In addition, I realized I had abandoned myself over and over to try to make it work. I need to reconnect to myself and see my value. What I hear in your exes “tell someone who cares”... is loads of hurt and resentment. He likely felt uncared about in the relationship, for so long, that he’s gotten to the point of reacting that way. If you can see he’s not truly trying to get you, but protecting himself, it might hurt you less? I know I felt very uncared for often..after giving loads of empathy to my ex-Aspie...that I would reach a breaking point and say unkind things out of extreme pain. I’ve cried countless times over not being able to connect to my ex Aspie, him not understanding me & me not understanding him. My depression and anxiety got very bad. I’d say that neither side is bad, just different. It’s like I speak Chinese and you speak Japanese. Might be Asian languages, but very, very different. We might both be good people, but the differences so vast.. that understanding is almost assuredly not going to really happen. I wish you blessings in healing. There are great things about being an Aspie. Rock those. Learn what you can about interacting with others, being curious about them, ask questions and develop reciprocity. That’ll get you far. Please be brave and tell people. It will help the right person be able to understand what you do in context. I wish I’d known about my exhaving Aspergers early on, instead of after over 10 years of painful and confusing behaviors. I wish you well and many blessings🌸

[@michellerjackson5776]

@@Alphacentauri819 WOW..I RELATE to your experience, and suggestions!! Thank you!!

[@michellerjackson5776]

God's blessings to you 💐😊🙏

[@manuelmanzanero5057]

If you (as you talked about an "ex husband", I assume you are a woman) think you have suffered misunderstanding from your neurotypical partner, you would have to see what it is like to be in the same situation in a man's shoes... Then you would know really what is zero empathy, and being constantly judged and disapproved even for breathing. Moreover, in my experience, after meeting many people in the ASD group and working with them, I can say that women with autism or Asperger's receive much, much more empathy from their partners than on the contrary. They may have bad luck finding a selfish or abusive man, but for each of such a profile there are ten who are understanding, empathetic, who help their partners without expecting anything in return and strive to learn about the syndrome to treat them better.

[@agaobi573]

@@Alphacentauri819 I am sorry for your expirience with an aspie husband. The paradoxe is that as an aspie woman I can describe my expirience with neurotypical partners as very similar to yours. I really tried to connect on a deep intellectual, spiritual and, yes, emotional level (as much as it cost me, one can only imagine). But it never worked. Never treated seriousely what I had to tell, only assuptions and humiliations. Never treated as a whole human being, but only as a sexy body and a stunt to play with in their social status control games, or a bucket for their frustrations. So, I think, it's as you say, chinese and japanise.

[@limingofficial]

Please please do another video on this topic. These have been all so helpful and enlightening. Thank you so much.

[@BlackMagnolia]

PLEASE do more videos like these~ THanks for your channel it is WONDERFULLY informing

[@queenamo7624]

I hate eye contact with others but with my partner I am just showing how much I love him, if it’s uncomfortable for one then it’s fine. Doesn’t mean one doesn’t love their partner 😘❤️always work together

[@kaylahertwig6110]

I love your energy and your casual talking is refreshing. Also you have been very helpful for me to understand autism as my fiance is on the spectrum

[@Patriciaylunart]

Hi Paul! thank you so much. Yes, please. Do more videos like this about relationships! So helpful! Thank youuuu! :)

[@ccwilliams316]

Yes! We have slept separately for 33 years now, and it has only helped our intimacy.

[@angelonearth111]

You should become an psychologists. I like how you explain things.

[@kathryneager3174]

This is the most useful video I’ve ever watched 😅

[@myrrhrax5805]

Great advice for relationships in general

[@Chickmamapalletfarm]

Very positive thing when we went the through this (my husband and I). When we came to this realization it was as though all the pieces finally fit.

[@MishMashMum]

I wish you could be our life coach. I’ve been with my Autistic partner for 22 years. We have 3 kids diagnosed with Asbergers. The atmosphere in our home is a toxic at times. I’m very overwhelmed by all the needs in the home, such as getting my partner to do basic things like wash and brush his teeth. I am so tired myself - and suspect I am also on the spectrum but have been forcing myself to live like a neuro typical for years. Most of the time I handle this ok, when I’m on my own, but the problem I have now is that if I can mask well why can’t my partner. He has really let himself go in terms of appearance, hygiene and has become so argumentative with me. He blames all of this behaviour on me saying that I’ve put him down too much over the years that he has now become hyper sensitive to everything I say to him. I’ve done a Cambridge scale test with the mental health service and have now been on a waiting list for a year here in the Uk for an Autistic assessment. A lot of things you’ve said in this video really resonates but as I’m the partner of a diagnosed Aspie (who might also have Asbergers) applying all you’ve said in the video sends my head in a spin. I’d like to add that after talking to my partner over the years about how I try to make sense of the world around me - he has said that I maybe Autistic but I’ve always rubbished it as I seem to cope better with socializing, order and hygiene. I would love some advice as in London there is not enough help with complex families - there is an organization called The National Autistic Society, but what they do is give me a ton of info and phone numbers in an email that overwhelms me. They do their bit by giving information- but then I’m on my own 😰😳 I’ve called a few of the numbers explaining my situation in detail over and over again with no steps forward. I feel so alone with my problems. I wanted to leave my partner but his parents say he needs me as he is vulnerable and wouldn’t cope on his own.

[@anitasanz9078]

You cannot cope on your own with everything you have on your shoulders too. You definitely need some support.

[@lute966]

Ever thought of getting an AuPair? Making sure she knows how she could help around the house, that also understands what is Asperger how to 'manage' each in your house,,,

[@mightyr9721]

Aspie or not, we all need to get balanced and content with ourselves, to have a meaningful relationship with OURSELVES, to love ourselves enough to not let anyone to hurt you. Only if you are fine, you will be able to function well with your life and your family. So do not feel forced to live with a person who is not doing anything to help you nor even himself. Three kids with asperger is way too much to handle for yourself. I have only one and I have been in deep depression for years, not feeling suicide but not finding a reason to live... Somehow it has relief me to know my son is an aspie because that finally gets me a real reason for his coldness in terms of feelings instead thinking he doesn't love me. Please start with loving yourself, you are directly responsible for your kids but not for your partner, it's the truth even if some people tell you the contrary and tell you mean things to make you feel bad. Be brave, you definitely can!!!

[@Alphacentauri819]

My heart goes out to you. There are some support groups on Facebook for partners of Aspies. There are many I’ve met online from the UK, they might be able to help you with better resources over there? I was on/off with a partner with Aspergers & while he has some great traits, it has been very emotionally hard. He wasn’t diagnosed until age 45, and 11 years together 😲 We have a child together who I suspect has aspergers & I want to help maximize his potential. He tells me hat I understand him better than anyone and communicate better than his dad 😬. Anyways, it sounds like you are in the trenches. It’s not permanent, but feels like it while you’re there and can barely see the light. I hope you can become empowered, and stop abandoning yourself for others..,I was doing that for so long. You have to look out for you and trust you will be ok. Dr Kathy Marshack, who my partner and I went to, has a website and books that might help you. “Going over the edge”...aptly titled, is about living with a partner who has aspergers. I wish you light, healing and blessings 🌸

[@odonnelldenise]

@@Alphacentauri819 Thank you for the referral. I looked up Dr. Kathy and registered for her services. Thank you🙂

[@jennygibbons1258]

Brilliant! principles applicable to all good communication - Aspie or not. Thanks.

[@mkrull1]

Thanks for sharing. Yes I would like more. My partner has made me aware that I have Asperger/ASD tendencies. I have not been formally diagnosed nor have I ever. I’m 58 years old. We’ve been together six months and she’s a therapist which probably save the relationship because I was ready to run several times due to being overwhelmed. In fact I did run once. That’s the one thing that she’s most afraid of with me. I also have trouble expressing myself because I don’t know how I feel sometimes or how to say how I feel. I didn’t start talking till I was five and I had 2 severely autistic/mentally retarded brothers who died 10 years ago. I think this is really needed. I’d also like to find resources to get diagnosed even my partner who is a retired therapist found somebody that put me on a waiting list for one year. That was the best she could do. Now imagine someone who doesn’t realize he has ASD trying to find something I don’t even know where to start

[@dertnap]

I've been watching your videos for a while, im Australian and I only just realised you are too I completely overlook accents sometimes

[@Amjd-ni4pl]

This video mainly talks about how a NT can accommodate an aspie (use the word overload instead of meltdown). Please do a video talking about the reverse. Thanks

[@fiona1875]

wonderful work Paul, thank you for all you do!

[@Ileana0545]

Can you do a video about "Neurotypical Peers are Less Willing to Interact with Those with Autism based on Thin Slice Judgments"

[@kvetchnik]

@Aryan Ranger wtf did u just try to convey? it's near impossible to read

[@baileygregg6567]

I tried this at 14 with who I considered the love of my life. But explaining mature topics around parent at my age just seemed to burn it away with misunderstandings.

[@odonnelldenise]

14 is a tough age (young age) whether aspie or NT, because we need time to figure out our own needs before we can figure out how to meet someone else's. Much more easily done at age 18 or more. What do you think?

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

As an Aspie, I don't understand why people get bothered if I react to something, when it doesn't involve them. I feel like, whenever I am around people, I have to not react to anything and act like nothing is a big deal (especially when they are trying to test you). If someone else reacts to something, and there's an easy solution to prevent them from feeling that way, then why not just carry out the easy solution and move on? Why does somebody have to tell them to get over it? Chances are, the person complaining probably complains and reacts to things that look pretty petty to other people too, but unfortunately the majority of the population doesn't seem to think that way.

[@vegan4theanimals2]

I have been in a relationship with an aspie since July. We live less that 2h distance from each other and he's always busy to meet me. The last time I saw him was 9th sept and it was due to work. We comunicate via email and txt messages. I bearly get 1 txt message a week from him. When I express in writing that I'd like to meet him more often he says he doesn't want to hurt me and that he doesn't have time for a relationship.

[@antoinemouthon6501]

Hey Paul! Thanks for this video. You should do a video about dating from the perspective of a person on the autistic spectrum. I have Asperger's and I think it's a very important subject for people like me. Moreover I'd like to know a little more about your dating history and how it feels (or felt if you're single) for you to be in a relationship, and if you have a few dating advice to give to Aspies. Have a good day/night!

[@laurie3113]

If I make a mistake or over step....will they be upset...how do I keep that conversation going?

[@autismenlightenment]

So happy im working on a relationship w another person on the spectrum. Ive always had my own room and i think i might always need that.

[@Shiz_no]

it looks like your clothing is triggering you. I hate the feeling of fabrics and feeling confined in my clothing. but I also hate being naked, even by myself. ugh

[@SandraWade666]

I don't think I'm on the spectrum but I feel that way about clothes too

[@livingoutsidethebubble]

I have had a ten year relationship with someone who seems to be unaware of it. I am too afraid to even ask if he has been diagnosed. How do I broach the subject?

[@lindaoostvogels3008]

Dankjewel voor de tips! Ik vind het heel interessant!

[@rachelsaint-phard4201]

Thank you for your advise so I decided not to tell my family member but instead get informed to be able to communicate with him

[@HexSpooxBoox]

Love the Live video it was great .Sadly wasnt able to ask any questions because I was at work and I was waiting for my aspie xD. But this is great Paul do more Q&A on relationships I'm NT girl with a Aspie guy and I want to learn alot about Aspergers for him to make him feel accepted and loved .Want to know more about the Aspie mind and how it works . @aspergersfromtheinside

[@lynncarter4964]

What about my NT safe space? I need one desperately when it's time to talk about something that MUST be discussed, and there's absolutely no way to do/say/word it "correctly." I'm patient and kind, but I'm giving up now. It's too stressful. I just don't tell him anything. That's my only option.

[@bellyfulochelly4222]

I've been there so many times. When it comes to the point you describe, I usually pray. If I weren't able to go to God for help, I for sure would be divorced by now.

[@lynncarter4964]

I've been through many phases of ideas on how to stay w him, he has taught me alot about how to let go of one kind of connection in exchange for another. It's hard, but my newest tryout is never ever talking to him about anything that's about our relationship in person, writing only. He doesn't have to write back, but at least I know he knows how I feel, and I can feel heard. The hardest part of AS marriage is feeling heard and validated. He can't remember what the word validated means, because it's counter intuitive to him, so I wrote down the meaning without being there when he read it.

[@bellyfulochelly4222]

@Lynn Carter Oh hey, that's a good idea. I might use that. Now I'm remembering that I have a new technique too. Whenever broaching the problems, instead of dealing with the thing he is doing directly, speaking in the second person, I now change the pronoun to "we." So it's, "We have a problem with this," or "we need to work on that." Seems to allow for his brain to continue to hear me, instead of immediately locking up.

[@suzanneemry5770]

Given your answers, I am very curious as to you think there is ever a time when an autistic person should adjust. Does it always have to be the other person adjusting to them? Does the other person have to do everything the autistic person finds difficult or uncomfortable or unmotivating regardless of how much the other person finds it difficult or uncomfortable or unmotivating? What if both people are autistic? How do you choose which person has to meet the other person 100% in that case? (One person has to do all the adjusting and the other person just stays as they are where they are).

[@elanawrot9889]

It's not putting someone into the box. It's wondering and trying to understand, and build relstionship bssed on understanability

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

This has been very useful - thank you

[@rachelsaint-phard4201]

Please do more videos on relationships with an aspi

[@dmzk1ng658]

damn missed the live, im autistic and could reallllllllly need some different paradigms to be able to accept whats been goin on in my end. weird tho as the "partner" is simply a girl that i pay for her to just come out to learn how to talk to humans. (gvt service). i got portrayed as "liking" my "helper" when that isnt the case at all. and got mentally abysed by her, and then by her case manager as well including verbal abuse. enough has happened i would have a slam dunk case in court to sue them. i am far worse off in verbal and mental ways than when i started. if i cant even pay someone to literally physicallly do nothing but chill, let alone find someone in real life that would care. anyway, your channel is greatly helping me.

[@shastafog2516]

A dear Aspie I almost married would be honest to a fault. I loved him through the horrible comment s but I could not forget. NT do not accept critism from Aspies with Grace. "You look terrible today" " I think if I end up marring someone else, I want you to teach her to cook". WTH. Lol

[@Alphacentauri819]

Shasta Fog hahaha, this was funny yet painful to read. Their complete obliviousness to the hurtful things they say 😬 I would be appalled sometimes. I didn’t know my ex was an Aspie until he got a diagnosis 11 years after off/on... Many of his behaviors would’ve been considered rude, selfish and offensive for a NT. Definitely an intensive learning experience. I wish the best for my ex, has many good traits, we coparent our child together... but I can’t be with him. It’s not good for my emotional/mental/physical/spiritual health. I

[@michellerjackson5776]

@@Alphacentauri819 Yes, my story as well.

[@kayephillips7256]

I know too many Aspies and some in my family that are all too honest, and yes sometimes honesty is not always good. I suffered body dysmorphia and the number of times they go on about people's appearances even when they told me i probably have body dysmorphia but they still carried on when i was around! It's hard enough trying to go through life thinking looks are not that important and it's who you are on the inside but even that was hard to teach myself as everyone never cared about me being thoughtful, kind and always forgiving their nasty comments. Then i ended up getting health issues called candida and Reverse T3 which is stress-related. My whole life i have been the one to forgive them and even though i struggled extreme depression i had to keep picking their emotions up and lighten the atmosphere and pretty much burned me out in the end. Yes, aspies are not getting the picture that why should normal people adapt to them and understand them and them not understand us or care for our feelings as we are human too? I think doctors need to give out medication to make aspies more sensitive and compassionate and the world would be a happier place for them and us.

[@kayephillips7256]

Not to mention they probably are the abusers in relationships and probably add to the number of domesticated violence.

[@daisychainmilk]

@@kayephillips7256 yikes please stay away from all aspies you sound very unpleasant

[@sashiniwitharana9660]

My aspie broke up with me through his family member. I have now give him almost two Months of space. We broke up mostly because he was undiagnosed and I didn’t know he was a aspie and I did everything to push him Away as I didn’t understand his needs. Would he consider getting back together if I tell Him i understand his needs and will work on our rela?

[@RadkeMaiden]

How does anyone else know what he's willing to do? You need to talk to him and communicate with him clearly about what you want and what you're willing to do for the sake of your relationship.

[@laurie3113]

If I need support and reassurance, but they're overwhelmed what can I do?

[@sysye]

Honestly for me it wasn't a relief and its still isn't, it has been a while since I've found the reason why I always felt different from everyone else. I still struggle with the idea that i dont fit in, niw im aware of how much i struggle more than ever before. I'm self conscious about my differences, and not a day goes by that i don't thing "im abnormal and i wish i was like everyone else". It makes it way more difficult the fact that i never had anyone to talk openly about how i feel, how i felt when i found out i was on the spectrum. I wish I had someone in my life that was going trough the same as me, so i could work out my emotinons, because clearly trying to do that by myself is not working it has been almost 2 years since.

[@xdevilduckiex]

Si O I understand very well what you are feeling and I think a lot of other autistic people too.. We don‘t fit in and we never will, but now that you are diagnosed you can be sure that you are not alone. That you fit in, in our group, even if it is smaller than the group of neurotypicals.. We prefer smaller groups anyway :) Yes, life is weird and struggling, especially for us on the spectrum, but I am sure you will do your best and learn everyday to improve yourself and live the life you want and deserve. You are already doing something to improve, even when you don‘t notice it. You watched the video, you were looking for informations, you were searching to get diagnosed,... just to name a few of the steps you already took. Be optimistic, be proud of who you are, especially your autism and your differences, this is what makes you who you are. Change everything you want to change in your environment to feel better and please don‘t ever forget: you will never be alone, I promise!🖤 (Just let me know in an answer here, if you could need someone to talk/write to. I am available. Or you go check out the facebook group, if you are more into this)

[@sysye]

@@xdevilduckiex I only saw your comment now! Thank you so so much! ❤️ What's the name of the page on facebook?

[@ziggypip2938]

I understand it is a personal journey of self discovery, but ASD affects sooooo many aspects of a relationship, at some point the Aspie partner needs to take personal responsibility to get diagnosed and ALSO get help afterwards. My partner got diagnosed and refuses to do anything further. Most of the relationship work rests entirely on me. If you’re not too attached, and they refuse to work on it, dear god, leave now. If you are too attached, I get it. It’s hard. I appreciate what Paul said on “working on it TOGETHER.”

[@tamaraauer5858]

Very good video!

[@michellehoward2123]

thanks for sharing👍 very good information 😁

[@Janderra]

I am finding your videos very helpful thank you so much... What do you do when both in the marraige are on the spectrum and one doesn't even acknowledge it and there are relationship problems

[@laurie3113]

How do I ask him what he likes...without seeming needy

[@demonheadxx4410]

Hey Paul! (I hope that’s your name) I have a girlfriend who I believe is on the spectrum, and I really want to know how to be affectionate towards her. Can you do a video on tips and tricks when it comes to affection with an aspie?

[@powderandpaint14]

Ask her! And be specific so you can work out exactly what she does like and feel comfortable with. Also ask if she would like you to ask before giving affection, eg "I'd like to give you a hug, is that ok?".

[@rose-ke6gg]

Always gonna be one way their way or no way no hugs no relaxing fun no life no break no love of affection their terms they dont think of you it's always going to be you doing the work to make out it's all fine when its shite

[@powderandpaint14]

Some aspies love hugs and affection, or likes certain types off affection you've just got to find out what work for them.

[@JoshuaPriceChannel]

I have trouble even getting a second job or friends.

[@lauralomonaco5847]

Wow thank you 😊

[@anitasanz9078]

Thank you so much

[@silvervoyager8321]

I can hear fine...

[@millyslife9170]

Good video

[@laurie3113]

Exactly

[@rorypatrick7203]

Is it too late to ask a question? My husband and I were married for 18 years. I am not quite sure if he has autism(high functioning) but, looking over my life with him, maybe he did. Would this be something a person with Aspergers would do? I need to understand what happened. He had a ot of special interests and one, of them(which he kept hidden) was a love for Japan..(obsession). After 18 years of marriage(which i thought was pretty awesome) he left me to go to Japan as he had met a lady online over there. He continued to go to Japan 8 times(never travelled before) dated numerous Japanese women and then married one, after divorcing me. Can an Aspie, with a special interest, totally leave their spouse and family for someone else that fits into their special interest? thanks in advance.

[@nanfeliciano5465]

ty so much>>>

[@TeahTodadze]

What do I do if an Aspie lost trust in me ?

[@honeyjoytaki]

You are probably screwed, but apologise to them as much as you can but try not to force it into them. Make sure to give them space when they need it, as they will need to replenish. As I am on the spectrum, this is what I do to try to gain trust in people. I hope this helps ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

[@sofiacordeiro4653]

what happened?

[@hisnewlife3543]

I dont think you can regain trust.

[@Alphacentauri819]

His New Life what it’s based on misunderstanding intent? My ex Aspie has hurt me and betrayed me in ways that trust was damaged...was very poor at apology and repair, excusing it and made it worse. Way later, he would try to kind of make up for it..or apologize. I have reframed some of his behaviors, with more understanding of Aspergers. So I worked on trying to move on. Sometimes our perspective, or applied meaning is off. Sometimes we cause a person to be hurt and they react and we don’t see our role...we only see the reaction, therefore blaming that person. I think it’s good to try to have a conversation, seek clarity and hear each other out.

[@lisajewell7148]

@@Alphacentauri819 we might have similar stories

[@melissabuckley6969]

Awesome

[@laurie3113]

Eye contact for too long feels icky

[@gabrieladaniel9687]

Is your wife on the spectrum or not? Do you get along well?

[@rightnow4450]

So my wife's like yeah now your new obsession is I'm autistic I can't freaking win I figure out why I'm so weird and everyone is like no you're not autistic....your selfish and lazy i sc what they think ugh! They notice my negative but not the amazing projects and landscape just the fact that i can't hold a job makes me bad and erases all my good it hurts deeply

[@berritandersen288]

👍

[@michellerunyan7921]

Aspergers is one of the cruelest mental disorders. It’s all about the disorder ALL the time. It’s walking on eggshells and land mines... constantly!! Draining and abusive for NT’s. Be prepared for pure exhaustion no matter how patient you are ... it’s daily 24/7.

[@pamtufnell6751]

I can't watch it now due to the ball bouncing !!!!!!

[@RadkeMaiden]

Leaving multiple comments on a video that is several years old won't do anything. Also I really enjoy the ball.

[@pamtufnell6751]

Bouncing the ball is very distracting from the topic

[@janemmb]

Are there any videos without the bouncing ball? Please. I cannot listen to what you are saying

[@tatianaisotov9190]

He needs the ball...some videos have no ball...but he didn't seem to bounce it too often...

[@janedoe4400]

@@tatianaisotov9190 I understand that he needs the ball, but maybe this could be filtered somehow. For me it's extremely annoying. Chances are his videos will be watched by autistic people like him. This autistic audience may go crazy by such auditory stimuli.

[@cynthiaarons9373]

Great video, but please STOP playing with that freakin ball!!! It is very distracting and makes me not finish the video.

[@kevindiaz-lane4404]

Close your eyes and listen to the words... the ball helps him to get the words out and I suspect without that release, he would not be as effective communicating this content.

[@mightyr9721]

My aspie son does it, and by watching him do it, makes me reinforce my love and comprehension to my son.

[@kimmyrarity811]

The ball made me smile, it reminds me of the aspie I love very deeply. He has alot of extra energy and it's something I adore.n

[@RadkeMaiden]

It's not that distracting.

[@user-wr3gy7el2h]

The ball is annoying 👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻

[@ecatcheshire9741]

❤️‍🩹❤❤ feeling deeply for what happened in your life , be gentle and kind with yourself