My life with Asperger's: Daniel Wendler at TEDxUniversityofArizona

How can we make sure everyone has a community where they feel accepted ? For many people -- the awkward, the shy, or the simply misunderstood -- life is a lonely experience, and good friends are hard to come by.
Daniel Wendler experienced this firsthand. He has Asperger's Syndrome, which is a neurological condition that prevented him from learning social skills naturally. Without the social skills to make friends or defend himself from bullies, Daniel grew up an outcast.
However, Daniel did not let his challenges define him. When he realized that his struggles were due to his lack of social skills, he decided to study social interaction like a foreign language. Over time, he manually taught himself the social skills that he was unable to learn automatically. He used his newfound skills to reach out to other "outsiders" and discovered the power of close relationships and genuine community.
Today, he works to share what he learned with others. He works as a social skills coach and runs an online resource -- www.improveyoursocialskills.com -- that has had over a quarter million visits. He believes that everyone deserves a place where they belong, and that all of us have something in common with the awkward kid sitting alone in the cafeteria.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@adambrawer1087]

He really used his Asperger's to his advantage. This is a great outlook on life and I really admire his journey and determination.

[@elia.0713]

Adam Brawer he's the best

[@AFEWDimensions]

I want to be Daniel's friend. I am an Asperger's adult and this is the single most helpful video I have seen in an entire life of hell. Thank you Daniel for giving me a single ray of hope in my totally dark universe.

[@davidarcudi230]

@@CNI2063 you don't understand how hard that is for us

[@PI4YOU]

@@davidarcudi230 I do understand your fear. Face it and it will evaporate. Think of it as taking bites of a sandwich. Small victories lead to successes. I'm in your club and have been for years without a diagnosis until I was 68.

[@krish.5823]

It's still dark though, for me. I get thrown to the curb at every turn.

[@krish.5823]

@@davidarcudi230 your right, they are phony realist.

[@PI4YOU]

@@krish.5823 "thrown to the curb " You survived it though, that's success. Albeit small. Conquering your inner fear is the single hardest thing you will ever do. I want to say I know because I did it. My life was pretty amazing, the fear doesn't go away but it does become manageable and at times it can be your best friend. Tomorrows my b-day for #71, I was diagnosed 2.5 years ago. I was blessed to have guidance in my 20's to teach me to face fear and overcome it. I am grateful for that lesson. Life is too short to sit and worry about what might happen if? So what if it does, failure is how we learn. Go live and be happy.

[@hanna-mn8yb]

That happened in my school once. An autistic kid sat at my friends table. Every single person went to the other table and I was the only one who stayed. I remember being so pissed off and most likely being judged by my peers. He was really nice so I had a good time with him during lunch :)

[@oddball3264]

People who are assholes towards you are not real friends

[@ysy_y]

Warmed my heart to read this. I'm glad to have found friends that have a sense of empathy and community, made healing from dealing with not-so-great people much easier.

[@pamelawilliams1302]

As an Aspy, I became a wonderful actress, who could play many rolls. Not in Hollywood but in my day to day life. I was called many things, a day dreamer, a loner, an introvert, a watcher and anti social.

[@thefreelich4875]

As an individual with Asperger's, I can certainly affirm his testimony. Between kindergarten and fifth grade, I had very few friends, and many of the few friends I did have didn't treat me well. I would excel in school, especially in math (although later I began to excel in English and history slightly more) but my lack of social competence lead to me being mocked and insulted by others. It raged on to the point where, even before I was formally diagnosed, needed emotional support to deal with all of the bullying I received. After I was formally diagnosed, I began to improve with my social interactions. Right now I'm between seventh and eighth grade. I have a sufficient amount of friends, all of whom treat me well, and excel just as much as ever, being one of the top students in my English, history, and math classes. I am far happier than I was in 2014, and while I still feel insecure a lot, things are so much better than I was even 3 years ago.

[@crabypattytwice]

How exactly did you improve your social skills to get to where you we're in 7th 8th grade?

[@Salakert]

It felt like so much is so obvious but not to others. Vice versa too with pop culture. I knew i had something until i found out if was aspy. Id reached autism burnout.

[@juliebrooks8792]

Let's all teach our children to reach out to and include the children who are sitting alone during lunch. It would change a life.

[@emexdizzy]

1:53 I remember photos from my childhood just like this. Weird clothes. Awkward pose. Forced smile. I had to learn how to take a pretty picture so I wasn't always the lone dork in the frame. I guess that's just how Asperger's is. Stuff that's second nature for other people aspies have to learn by effort and practice. But if you do it enough, you learn it eventually. And maybe you come to value the skills more because you worked hard for them.

[@TheMilwaukeeProtocol]

+Siara Hughes Thank you for sharing. I can relate. In fact, I had a parent who didn't understand anything about Asperger's and therefore thought I was being a dork and antisocial and ruining photos (and other social things) on purpose, and eventually succeeded in convincing me that I was doing it on purpose and thus I believed I was a difficult, mean, contrary, nasty person because I was doing something (although I wasn't sure what) on purpose. All I knew is that suddenly I would get a very violent, negative response from my parent to some of my actions, and I felt I was to blame, even though my head would spin and I'd be shocked and confused. The reality is, I like people, and would like to make positive social connections. But I still have some PTSD from this honest misunderstanding that I carried with me even to grad school, which really messed up my ability to do well in grad school.

[@felipegonzalez29]

I'm asperger. Sometimes is hard deal with it. When people know what asperger's is about, they say it's cool, it's funny... But they don't know how really is to live with it. Despite of you want to fit, you can't. When you understand this world is about relationships you feel so bad, because trying to fit you become awkward or you behaviour can annoy others. Thank you for this video.

[@fraternie2320]

yes people say fake it till you make it will work, when actually everytime i tried it seems that my faking annoys people and people notice im a terrible faker

[@southlondon86]

An absolutely beautiful speech. He should be very proud of himself for his transformation. I wish him all the best and thank him for what he has offered here. Just brilliant.

[@southlondon86]

+David J I was referring to his transformation in social skills.

[@1967davidfitness]

There is no transformation needed, social skills are always very difficult for those with Autism.

[@eoinbrennan3949]

Agreed, Amazing transformation. Just shows whats possible if you are determined to make a better life for yourself.

[@1967davidfitness]

No transformation, he clearly struggles, but so does everyone with Autism.

[@eoinbrennan3949]

+David J But he clearly has transformed. I mean if you yourself havent undergone a transformation then Im sorry thats your experience. But your experience is not another persons experience and anything is possible. I say fair play to the guy, he worked and was determined and made his life better.

[@glenistergrotj3022]

I’m 16 and I was diagnosed with aspergers at the age of 3. I have had challenges growing up and still now as I continue to grow. Hearing this guy use aspergers to his advantage is really inspiring.

[@kamileishon]

My doctor is considering the possibility that I have mild Aspergers syndrom and Im actually excited by that. Then finally I might find a valid reason for why I am like I am. A little light has opened in the dark depressed cloud that I have been living in for the past year. And I think I inherited this quality, this syndrome from my dear father. The rambler. Who sometimes insist on telling a person he just met his entire life story cause he gets excited and wants to get it out of the way. He wants them to know who he is (good and bad) so they can be ok with him and his weirdness and they can then build the relationship from that. In a way its an admirable trait but at the same time I cannot count the many times Ive seen exhausted people stand there nodding wondering when they can exit the conversation without being impolite. Thank god we can learn from example and observation what NOT to do!

[@Ammut6]

kamileishon I tend to do that in my relationships with women. Have them moved in and know my whole story in a short amount of time so we can "skip" that beginning stage and start making a life together. I was always nervous and thought it was a bad thing to do but I realize that it's good.

[@qtothea9391]

kamileishon No, research the MBTI, and get your type and you'll understand why you are the way you are, MBTI is truth. Aspergers was eliminated in 2012 after only 18 years, characteristic traits that correlate with your natural MBTI type is the reason you are the way you are.

[@alydiaforten5011]

+kamileishon I can relate to that excitement when I found out that being an introvert is normal and a thing!

[@hidinginmyroom2656]

you may not have Aspergers syndrome if you have only developed these symptoms in the last year.do you suffer from severe anxiety if so you probably are on the spectrum,i hope you get help ...

[@thecynicalone7655]

kamileishon, are you me from the future? Cause this sounds exactly like me (minus the life story thing with your dad)

[@pamblair4862]

We don't lack social skills; we have a *different set* of social skills from NTs, due to thinking differently than them. What is seen as a "social skill" to an NT is due to their assumption that everyone thinks like them, has motives similar to their own, and is being read accurately by them.

[@krish.5823]

It's do to results if rejection.

[@Gymboify]

I'm 21 and have just been diagnosed with Asperger's. My main thoughts have revolved around the question "what now?" This video has given my great insight as to where i need to start working - thank you :)

[@PolyFez]

I felt exactly as what he feels. As an 18-year-old person with Asperger's, growing up, being in elementary, and middle school was very hard for me. People would become mad at me for something that I would have no idea why, but I know it had something of my actions in socializing with them. I'll get to a point to where in lunch, I would sit with people, and they'll get up, and leave. By the time high school came in, I needed to change. So I started reading books on body language and socializing. After for some time, I started knowing when people would get uncomfortable, and knowing when they comfort me when I talk to them. By the end of high school, I now have many friends that I now understand their ways, and how I socialize with others. I may still have a few awarded moments here, and there, but at least I now know how to talk to people, and have a well-developed conversation, and manage to keep those friends close to me..

[@KozmoCSS]

ablg234 i see myself as that guy haha, everytime i feel like i said something wrong i overanalyze it and say im sorry and blablabla, when in reality theres actually nothing to worry about, i absolutely hate it because it puts me and my friend in an awkward position thats hard to get out of and cotinue the conversation.

[@ionamonk7102]

HI Polyfez, thank you. What books were the most helpful ones for you to read? I would love some help! Thanks!

[@kerry-annevanrooyen5686]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's last year at the age of 20... I had spent my whole life confused at my abilities and why people didn't seem to like me. This video is something that I find quite useful. xx

[@ylchan8942]

He somehow speaks from my heart & make me feel I'm not alone who find to make friends so difficult

[@1967davidfitness]

20 is young, i was 43.

[@kerry-annevanrooyen5686]

My father was also old when he discovered it...he was nearly 50

[@1967davidfitness]

Old? Hey do't call people old when they are only 40 something!

[@kerry-annevanrooyen5686]

Don't take offence!!! I didn't mean it like that! It's just in reference to me who is only 21! No need to get snappy! In 20 years I'll be there too!

[@jeannineschneider290]

I'm an Aspie too. But my deal is... I don't actually want to be talked to. I enjoy being by myself. It doesn't mean I don't want to make Friends ever. I have a fair share of friends. But they didn't become my Friends because they felt I looked so alone and they wanted to keep me company. It just happened naturally. Very often it was in the end actually me coming out of my shell because I observed them and felt comfortable with them. I understand that trying to be nice to someone by just talking to them is an act of kindness and most people need exactly this. But for me it can be very stressful and it sometimes pushes my boundaries. What helps me more is if I can be allowed to cling into a group where I can observe people and share my thoughts bit by bit, gaining trust as I see people don't react negatively to my presence and I feel comfortable enough to stay and go whenever I want.

[@coreycox2345]

:) I'm the one in the tie dye. Thank you for this. I am 61 and have only realized that I have this lately. I always thought I was "shy" as a child, that that was not quite it. This is so relatable. I love the part about how you found your closest friends.

[@owengraziano7288]

I'm an adult with Aspergers who spent his entire life in special needs schools, and this video really spoke to me.

[@karitoney6879]

Thank you Dan. This is my 10 year old son SO much. The school stuff breaks my heart and I need to tell you: your sharing this helps so many people more than you know.

[@JackHY2K]

Great video! I can totally relate to you Daniel. I was diagnosed with Aspergers at 15. Throughout Elementary, Middle, and high school I have been constantly shunned and bullied by my fellow peers. Every time I try to be nice to them, their attitudes backfire. I am now a college student and have noticeably improved my social skills. Students here seem to be somewhat more open-minded on average. I attended a Social Skills club called' PEERS', which originated at UCLA. I met a cute girl from my Supply Chain Management class (3rd semester) who has Aspergers. Like me, she's mostly quiet during lectures. She rarely strikes convos with others. Whenever she does talk to others, she sounds a bit monotone and quiet and often has difficulty ending convos (she either just walks away or says 'take care' abruptly). Her facial expression tends to be plain unless she's around me. She has hardly any friends and sometimes (unintentionally) comes off as blunt. Despite these traits, I find her extremely fascinating. I really hope I get to see her again. I'd love to exchange numbers with her, grab lunch, and study with her (she has the same major as me). Let's hope for the best.

[@JackHY2K]

Update: She's most likely still at my college as her name hasn't appeared on the graduation list for General Business students. But I have yet to see her. She's the only girl I feel very comfortable with. Hope I see her again soon.

[@JackHY2K]

***** sure I'll do that if I see them again. Haters are gonna hate. I shouldn't feel suicidal.

[@JackHY2K]

+Bob The Monster Today at customer service class, I spoke to my classmates about Asperger's. Some remained narrow-minded and cliquey (these people deserve to die), but most seemed understanding. I look forward to those questions regarding Asperger's from my fellow classmates. Classic Autism gets enough awareness, but not Asperger's. Many people think Aspergians are just introverted assholes. I see it as my duty to change the general view of Asperger's at my college and (hopefully) around the US and Canada.

[@JackHY2K]

+Bob The Monster They shouldn't have gotten rid of the Asperger's diagnosis. I don't think it's fair for me to be lumped with more severe autists. It's detrimental for us Aspergians. This is partly why I would like to increase awareness of Asperger's.

[@JackHY2K]

Life has been better for me overall. I am being shunned much less than I used to. I am also a more confident person. Daniel Wendler's Ted Talk is a masterpiece! I'm so glad I shared it with my profs and classmates. Let's hope my life will continue to improve as time passes!

[@MatthewBottomleyisaliveandwell]

A friend shared this with me. I couldn't help but think how much easier life would be for everyone if we all learnt 'social' skills this way as children, instead of having to fumble our way around it and pick it up as we went along. If I'd studied this in school in my early life I can imagine how it would have spared me the worst of those awkward experiences I think we've all faced as we grow up. Here's to you Daniel, well done, you've taught someone apparently born with social skills some new ones.

[@suemitchel-runow3566]

That would be great..instead of sit down, be quite, look down at your paper and do the work...It was torture not to mention socially retarding.

[@iLOVEpicklesBRO28]

Bless this. This really explained my journey with my diagnosis

[@VtRD]

It is an incredible talk, isn't it? We are all "different" in some respect. The fact that elementary school kids were so harsh is really sad to me.

[@laylarashid334]

I hope you are doing better now.

[@mduck92]

Please make this video accessible to Deaf and hard-of-hearing people by providing closed captioning. Thank you.

[@ybihuacuja4144]

OMG I hard trouble hearing him :/ Im HOH btw

[@jaypaint4855]

They did!!

[@jaypaint4855]

@@ybihuacuja4144 they added it in

[@LegoSwordViedos]

I've eaten alone in the cafeteria at college every day for a year, I think it's safe to say people aren't going to change. I used to try and hang out and sit with other people my freshmen year, but I always had to invite myself, I was never invited over, so I've given up obviously people don't want me around.

[@msitze]

LegoSwordViedos Your comments resonate with me since my husband still feels similarly than you, even after 22 years being together. I've trie to help support and encourage. I've even helped interpret social interactions at times. However, when he feels really down on himself, the social interaction will turn away from him. I suggest you find a counselor that is saavy with Asperger's so they can have more productive suggestions for your specific struggles. Then trust that you are worth it! You are worth knowing and an interesting person. We can't all be globally interesting. Some of us have unusual interests that won't 'speak' to the general populace. Embrace your uniqueness and find your specific subset of people with similar interests. Then, carefully choose who would be the safest candidate for you to keep as a friend. Good luck! It's not easy but oh so worth all the effort.

[@LegoSwordViedos]

Melody Sitze 1 I don't really care what other people do anymore. 2 I've already done the counseling thing you suggest so I know more about it then anyone trying to tell me about it. 3 I don't much care that people injoy my conversation much or what I have to say anymore because that's all they care about, they aren't interested in being reciprocal. 4 there is no "subset of people with similar interests" to me. 5 I find it kind of rude you assume that I don't embrace my uniqueness, I'm perfectly fine with my personality, interests and hobby's. It's other people that have more of a problem with it. 6 luck has nothing to do with it since I've given up looking, and I've learned I will simply not find anyone and it's better to not try. 7 I agree it's not easy but I have to say it's not worth it when every friend you spend so much of you time energy effort and loyalty on to grow the friendship stabs you in the back, and doesn't really care about you when it counts, and it isn't worth it when particularly every female I've ever known thinks I'm good enough to be a friend and get my emotional support, money, time and entertainment out of the deal, from me, but all think I'm to "different" to much of a freak to actually want to have a relationship with. So I respectfully have to disagree.

[@vutava8292]

LegoSwordViedos You eat in the cafeteria? I just eat in the hall outside my next class.

[@LegoSwordViedos]

My food is paid for through scholarship but only if I eat at the school cafeteria.

[@alydiaforten5011]

+LegoSwordViedos I ate alone, too. Screw those people. There is so much more to life than that. Later on in life, they will all be struggling with their own problems and half of them won't even remember each other. Like Daniel in the video said, living on the outskirts makes you an interesting person. I am a New World Order passionate theorist, along with being socially awkward. I am ridiculed constantly. But people who make a difference in this world, are never conformists. All those people who never sat with you, are conformists. Even with my social anxiety, I sat with people who were alone ALWAYS. Most people are conformists, that is just an unfortunate fact. You are not, embrace it! That is epic. "Anti-social behavior is a trait of intelligence in a world full of conformists" - Nikola Tesla

[@sunsunmoomoo9508]

it annoys me so much that the audio is shit for such a good speech

[@JackHY2K]

Yeah, the audio quality is not the best. But if you turn up the volume a bit it should be fine.

[@emmasol3058]

Irk!! He's such a brilliant talker. He should have been on one of those huge TED talk stages, not in a shitty location with a microphone that picks up that lady in the corner's coughing better than his voice

[@mgw9562]

Sunsun Moo Moo ya the coughing lady is soo irritating!

[@PI4YOU]

@@emmasol3058 the lady who coughed, was filming the talk. Thank her for the awesome video you saw. She had to cough please excuse her.

[@virginiamoss7045]

@@PI4YOU - If she was the one filming, she should know enough to have turned away from the microphone and/or covered her mouth. I wonder if the loud coughing could be excised from this recording with some kind of technology. It would definitely be worth doing as this talk is just excellent. At least it got recorded and got put on KZbin.

[@gavinwaterman5456]

I have Asperger's and did not fit in well with all whats mentioned in this presentation. The more I tried, the more missable I became. Even today, having set up my two businesses, I'm still seen as odd, and struggling with building a client base. I feel drained, overwhelmed and battled hardened. Society is very difficult on us and is getting harder by the day.

[@Spaztique]

Dan and I are improvisers, and I once got to talk to Dan when I was going through some rough times, trying to figure out social skills and such (I've never been diagnosed with Asperger's or anything, but I was horribly lonely and socially dead). At the time, I was a bit down on myself and considered him lucky when we talked, but I was wrong and he was right: social skills can be learned, honed, and mastered, and the rewards are beyond measure. If *we* can make that journey, so can *you.*

[@tom1880]

UK Aspie here. i came from the ImproveYourSocial skills website after looking for some learning material out there. I know Daniel may not read this but, if you do, I must say your use of metaphors and your tone of voice in your talk was exceptional. You're someone I can aspire to be. Good job Daniel.

[@MelissaRae1975]

This was an amazing TED talk. Thank you so much for sharing

[@ronaldasilverberg9251]

I am impressed with your kindness ,compassion, and concern for others, as well as your ability to be genuine. You communicate clearly, with wisdom and humor, and I enjoyed listening. You are like a breath of fresh air in a world where encouragement is so greatly needed. I thank The Lord for you ... You are Awesome!!! Lord bless you!

[@kemartini]

This makes me happy, my son has Aspergers and I pray that he fits in somewhere.

[@Berrycutieful]

I can relate to him as I had the same troubles when growing up. It's taken a long time to "learn" how to relate to people.

[@Je_suis_Jefe]

Overcoming adversity and being humble many people failed that test in life. Daniel you are inspirational to me, makes me want to try harder. Thank You sincerely.

[@bethesdagamer7971]

That was by far one of the best motivational speeches I've listened to

[@sumguy8460]

At 8:45 ... That gives me so much hope.

[@caseyc408]

+nick Lombardi I "figured it out" also. I'm still super awkward but I can turn it on and off and I am able to maintain a professional job that I excel at.

[@1967davidfitness]

You cannot turn Autism on and off. It's the main part of who you are, it is what makes you tick at a slightly different rhythm. What you really mean is you try to act like neuro-typicals because you have not informed those around you of your Autism diagnosis. You burn yourself out, and have not make the correct adaptations for your condition.

[@kristinaavis9756]

I absolutely love this video! My son is 13 and was diagnosed with Aspergers. He considers himself awkward but in a positive way. He gets picked on a lot in school. There are days I wish I could call every single parent and explain to them that every child is different. And being different doesn't make you a bad person. I can not wait to show this video to my son. THANK YOU

[@kathyreed5866]

Thank you thank you thank you. I laughed and I cried. My beautiful four and a half year old has Aspergers. She is a shining light, full of joy and wisdom beyond her years. Yet I already see her social struggles. Yes, even four year olds can be mean, and discriminatory, and shun "awkward"peers. It breaks my heart. Your talk has given me so much hope for her future. Thank you.

[@camuscat123]

His friendship would be priceless.

[@MiyahSundermeyer]

I was 21 before I learned social skills when I moved in with my aunt because I wasn't aware of them until she started showing me on a visual level. Now, what I like about this young man is because it gives adults a chance to learn without going to spend thousands of dollars on therapy.

[@Bbenja4]

This is really encouraging. I've been a depressed reclusive Aspie all my life and this really gives me hope.

[@karmafairy351]

This video is so amazing and inspiring and deserves so many more views and likes. I got really teary eyed at the end.

[@tonyhernandezpumarejo]

Daniel, thank you so much for your message. I am diagnosed with Asperger's and my greatest challenge has been the way I deal with people. Even though , I have worked customer service and sales jobs , where it social skills are mandatory and being able to graduate from college, I have believed in me that if I would have been more effective relationship builder with people, I would have achieved my main goal of financial freedom. Your story is very inspirational to me. Thanks again.

[@ChaosmanOne]

OH MY GOD! I'm going to try to have my first real conversation EVER tomorrow!

[@NippyWolf]

Just out of curiousness, how was it? Do you feel any difference with your social skills after a year?

[@ChaosmanOne]

It's tough. There doesn't seem to be any rules. Some people react one way, some another. Just when you think you have a good handle on a social concept, you come across someone who reacts diametrically to how you expect them to, and you're back at the beginning again. People are difficult, sadly.

[@brendaehlers1612]

Thank you Daniel! I am a mother of an 8 year old boy who has Aspergers. My husband and I started homeschooling him at the end of 1st grade. We are considering enrolling him back in to public school. You give me hope!

[@MOLLYDOLLIGHT]

I'm sobbing right now. Absolutely bawling. This is me, to the T. I'm scared, but this also feels really cool. I hope its true but it makes me feel so awful. I can't explain it. Are you SURE this is Asperger's? This is my life. No proper friends, dedicating myself to learning how people socialize, and then finally coming out with adequate to excellent social skills. I'm normal, normal enough. This is me. Understand, I became Student Council Vice president, I received a senior superlative in the year book. I worked so hard. But, I didn't know this was Aspergers. Is it really? I just can't believe it.

[@ahmednoor6695]

My Son and brother have similar Characteristics, this video has given me motivation to support them to be their best , to embrace challenges and turn them in to opportunities , to grow through life rather than go through it, to thrive and not just survive. Thanks Daniel may Allah bless you abundantly my friend.

[@dittilio]

Dude applied cart counting techniques to social cues. Legend.

[@skyisnotblueskyisblue2302]

Daniel is such an inspiration ! he went from embarking on something seemingly impossible to changing his life ! he really makes me feel proud of him

[@carolshepherd6811]

I found this young man to be delightful to listen to his story. I am so happy that he had wonderful parents and that he is helping others to learn and grow. Bless you Dan and thank you for sharing your history.

[@seankelly6620]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 12, and a lot of he is talking about resonates with me as I have done through a lot of similar experiences as well

[@Talleyhoooo]

I just got diagnosed, and this talk brought me to tears.. Thanks so much for sharing this.

[@NancyLiedel]

Instead of asking him to fit in, we need to understand. I have two boys with autism. I need to see how they see the world, as much as they need to understand others.

[@ambrs.c]

Easily one of the best talks I've heard, so inspiring in so many ways!

[@TonyG-iu4td]

Well done to this guy and thanks for sharing this information with us. This will help a lot of people with the Asperger syndrome

[@orlahayes1261]

Well done Dan. Kindness is contagious and I think the kindness you sent out into the world is being returned to you. Keep up the good work and spreading your positive message.

[@emmyv5679]

❤ My 10 year old Aspie will be in awe of you. I know this video is old, but thank you.

[@PvtParts-co4cg]

The most inspirational Aspie disclosure I’ve ever been blessed to enjoy. Dan, I truly resonate, as a fellow, and admire your tenacity to accept, adapt and overcome!

[@Nognamogo]

This was beautiful... I struggled as a child too, and this year (senior year high school) I spent the entire year trying to improve my social skills... It's been tough but the people I reached out to, especially the ones who really needed me became the people I really needed. Thanks Dan.

[@Potts2k8]

No please, keep rambling and telling us all the things you have figured out... My 10yo son was diagnosed with Aspergers and my heart breaks every day because kids at school are being so cruel and even his younger (8yo) brother told us just yesterday that no one in my eldest's class likes him even tho he's tried to get them to like him... I'm nearly in tears writing this because I can see the pain he's going through but feel completely powerless to help.

[@moodybassist]

It's so important that people tell their story, I'm alone, I don't have anyone to talk to about my aspie struggles. Thank you ❤️

[@Sammyaki]

I was just diagnosed with Aspergers. This speech helps so much. So much fits into my life. And his Ideas help too. Greetings from Germany

[@FireBerlin]

That was beautiful. I got choked up when Daniel likened a kid with Aperger's learning social skills and then making friends to a child with terrible vision who receives glasses and then gets taken to the Louvre.

[@AylaMarianna]

Ohh, so THAT'S what he said. I was scrolling to find a comment regarding it, 'cause I heard "taken to the loo" and I was like: "lolwat. So the kid can-finally-see its own... body waste?" I was so confused! I just couldn't conceive that he would actually say something like that, so thank you.

[@markbillman6295]

I am 48 years old and just found out that I have asperger's only as of 3 months ago. I realized at an early age that I was different in the way of relating to the human experience in general. Although I have mastered emulating the social human communication methods over many years. Mastered so well that I understand human thinking very well and have been able to help many people in my life with their psychological issues. After finding that I have this condition, the last 3 months of my life have been the best I have ever felt about myself.

[@jenniferquamina4446]

Oh my goodness, listening o this talk came at the right time for me - Thank you Daniel

[@AdeleidaBingham]

Oh Daniel, what a superb talk! Big knot in my throat at the end. Thank you for your advocacy. Inspiring, valuable and deeply human.

[@sinfuls7777]

Thank you so much for this talk. I married a man with asperger's and until I found out what that was our marriage went from crazy to wonderfully better because i now understand where he's coming from and he works to see where I'm coming from now.Thank you for sharing your story for others to hear.

[@torimoon3191]

Thank you so much for delivering this speech. You have no idea what it means for my little brother, who has Asperger's and is currently in middle school and feels like *every single person there* hates him.

[@normajimenez120]

You were so informative and made it simple to understand as a typically person who is a social butterfly I understood your pain. We need you, thank you!

[@hollydowns2279]

I love you Daniel! what a really great speaker you are . Really wonderful to know there are more like my husband and me in this world

[@goldendragon68]

I just want to say, as a struggling teen with Asperger's, I found this very inspirational and motivating. Thank you! :)

[@kbullock09]

Great video. As one of those kids that had to sit alone for many many years before finally figuring out how to fit in, I can totally relate. Elementary school can be some of the toughest years if you're on the outskirts of the norm. Once I figured out how to make friends, I have always tried to reach out to those who don't fit in very well. Great message.

[@h3arty]

It's great when people, no matter their struggle, strive to improve and grow and be the best they can be despite their circumstances. Love this talk.

[@larnaification]

This speech was incredibly empowering by Daniel. I'm a Disability ambassador for the Living Life My Way program and this truly inspired me and touched a place in my heart.

[@edhooper1421]

Thanks for sharing your story with the rest of the world Daniel. It took me roughly 30 years to finally have that epiphany that I too was different - however - I can learn to adapt with the right training, reading and thearpy as well lol. I hope one day too I can share my experiences to help others who might be on the spectrum to better understand who they are as well.

[@Anjuli50]

This is so much my 15 year old -- and he's splendid! His Asperger's seemed to kick in when he was about 11 or 12 -- he showed no such signs at a younger age. It's rough...but it's worth it. We love him SO MUCH!

[@alesakura12]

My boyfriend is an Asperger's. This video was really helpful for me to understand him, I love him with all my heart. I think to be an Aspie is a blessing because you are incredibly unique. You develop patience and self-restraint that strengthen you and also be constantly mindful of others. Don't worry about people's expectations. Worry about the people that really love you. Big hug, great speech!

[@aletavashford]

Thank you for helping me to better understand my son. Truly inspiring.

[@Managamasplymiad]

This young man is incredible! I hope my son with Aspergers will do as well someday!

[@sanguinerus8964]

I truly wish that I had the help that this guy had. I was blatantly obvious that I had trouble as i was growing up but I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until i was 25. I had to do a lot of learning on my own and even now I'm really struggling. I've been trying to improve my social skill a lot more lately but it has been a challenge my entire life and no one really gives a shit. This guy is quite lucky to have the people he has in his life. When you don't have help, the story he tells of himself at seven years old doesn't go away ever.

[@reneemcgeough8527]

I can really relate to this speech. It made me so happy watching this

[@autumnsylver]

I didn't realize I had such a big problem understanding body language until he mentioned things like rubbing your nose means you're uncertain or rubbing the back of your neck means you're anxious. I would have thought maybe the person had an itch or something. Those meanings never would have occurred to me. And I have never picked up on things like a person's feet pointing towards the door means they want to end the conversation and leave. (I believe I have undiagnosed Aspergers).

[@Lavieestbelle04]

Loved this Ted Talk. You’ve got a way with words and definitely know how to work a room. I hope you’re doing well.

[@manicpixiedreamgirl8950]

This is easily one of the best ted talks i've seen. It's pretty awesome that he can go from being "socially awkward" to giving stellar speeches, thought ted, no less. Congrats, Dan :)

[@sopotniachannel]

MAN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS VIDEO !!!

[@bellagarcia3876]

Daniel just seems like the sweetest guy.

[@GizmoMaltese]

Wow, this guy is amazing. What a transformation. I would love to be his friend.

[@hudder92]

+GizmoMaltese would you be his friend before he changed though? :P

[@LegoSwordViedos]

I've given up on looking for friends. I have acquaintances but I don't even know if I can trust people again. I have Aspergers and I just feel like there isn't any hope for me, especially with relationships. I'm so sick of people taking advantage of my friendship. I'm currently 20 and all I'm doing is trying to brace myself for a lonely isolated life as a outcast, because I've run out of things to try, and it helps but only so much and people still wont open up to me the same I do with them, my friendships never end up being reciprocal and I'm fed up with it. I just wish things could change but I doubt they will, I feel like it's better to be alone that way no one can hurt me.

[@leiaskywalker4216]

Lego Sword video Please do not give up. If those people are taking advantage of your friendship than they are not worth having as friends. Some people are just mean and really cruel and they don't see the true friend you are to them. Most people with Aspergers don't judge people like neurotypicals do, they don't play head games, and they are who they are. There is no fakeness about it and if people can't see that then they are not worth your friendship. So please don't give up or give into these people because they aren't worth your trouble. Is there any clubs or organizations where you live where you can get in touch with others who have the same thing? Sometimes it helps with others who understand you. Also going online and learning more about others with the same thing might be another way of meeting other Aspie's too.

[@Ninja07Keaton]

Savina Batres Some? Try most people. Given a compelling reason, and/or enough desperation, people will take full advantage of one another. Relationships are nothing more than shared common interest. Trust peoples' goals, not people themselves. That way you'll know who will be your friends and/or enemies.

[@leiaskywalker4216]

Ninja07Keaton that's true too!

[@LegoSwordViedos]

Thanks for the advice guys, just yeah... ugh...

[@leiaskywalker4216]

Where ever I can help.

[@HarmonicaMustang]

Throughout my entire life, I've carried this feeling of "I don't belong here" whenever I was in a social space; restaurants, pubs, concerts, weddings, tourist attractions etc. A friend recently told me that he sees quite a few Aspee traits in my behaviour, and reading up about it I found that he's right. Most people (including friends) have given up on hanging out with me, and only get in touch when there's work to do. I found that to be a happy equilibrium as I get to go out, but because I have a purpose for being there I don't feel rejected.

[@megansteele6302]

Thank you you will never know how much this helped

[@zeLilacLady]

Ahh I've actually used this guys site before, and it's really handy! Like him, realising that I'd never been able to gage social behaviours and didn't know how to have conversations (the sandwich analogy is a fantastic strategy, and I also use the conversation threading strategy too), I wondered how I would ever fit in or cope with the life around me and had been rather depressed and questioning my place and 'use' in life. So I tried just teaching myself these skills from scratch, starting with the youtube audiobook of 'How to win friends and influence people', (un)tactfully suggested to me to a co-worker and leading on to self help sites like Daniel Wendlers'. This was a nice surprise to see that it's that website author in this talk and he has AS. I found the last two minutes really beautiful and particularly touching. I've just started the process of getting a professional diagnosis and I'm 23.

[@omgstoptakingnames]

thanks for the book and his website. i have the exact social problems as you guys do so i will be looking into these sources.

[@Ammut6]

Lambo How's the diagnosis coming along?

[@ava1421]

Thank you!! You're amazing, this honesty will help so many people suffering in silence. xx

[@MiyahSundermeyer]

+M Heart I met him at an autism conference back in February and I was so impressed that I did a vlog interview with him. He is going to be a great psychologist one day.

[@ava1421]

Hello World: with Miyah I totally agree! He's amazing!

[@MiyahSundermeyer]

He has a great way of explaining things too.

[@navyasingh4490]

Can you write what he told because I can't understand his language due to his speed

[@anodizingstatic]

All I can say is that, after being in similar "cafeteria" situations as a kid, the people who get up and leave either don't know you well enough (in which case, make yourself known) or just aren't worth being your friend. You'll find that in life, and you just have to move on. It's like natural selection - the fittest survive. If you stay true to yourself, clean up your appearance and use your social skills just a _little_ more than you normally would, you'll get there.

[@cielbie8251]

I find that even though I want to talk with other people with autism like me, that the social awkwardness really overwhelms me. Not their social awkwardness, but my own feelings. Not because they were bad, but because everything about them reminds me of my insecurities and difficulties, and it is too much to handle... So much that despite understanding them more than anyone, I also found it so difficult to be with them... I always feel bad about this, and I want to help and communicate with people like me, but people like me are also the people that I find most difficult to be around...

[@BlissfulSl33p]

Teared up at the "came home crying because I felt like I was a bad kid and nobody liked me" part. I know that feeling all too well. Fortunately I managed to use my situation as a social outcast to learn about interacting with other people and how they respond to my social behaviours and over time I learned enough to function normally, for the most part. I went from having 1-2 friends in Elementary school (who were also social outcasts) to having multiple groups of friends in various cliques in High School. On a partially related note, when I discovered cannabis in University I found it caused me to revert back to my literal, socially oblivious perspectives. Although I enjoyed the experience and intoxication, it was difficult for me to function in social setting for up to two days after my most previous use. Does anyone else with a similar situation find the same thing happens to them when they smoke weed?

[@Whitewavewoman]

I just started dating an Aspie so this is helpful. Thank you.

[@lenderzconstable]

Great presentation! It had me sobbing and trembling and really motivated me on my personal journey. There go I..

[@bmth070995]

This made me feel so good, would love to be friends with Daniel, I’m 27 yrs old and just figured out I struggled with this all along. Spent my whole childhood fighting with my mother, being rejected by everyone in school, losing friends because i could never fit in.

[@MrGeorgeFlorcus]

This guy seems really cool, I liked this video a lot. I've been doing a lot of research on Aspergers and other related mental diseases/disabilities (ironically doing so to the extent I have can be considered a symptom of Aspergers :S) and I'm starting to think I may have it, or if not, a similar type of disorder. I really want to know all I can about it; what it looks, sounds, and acts like, and what can be done about it. I think I'm going to look into a professional diagnosis, because if there is something off about me and I'm not just imaging it, I'd like to know for certain. Uncertainty has been causing me a lot of stress and anxiety, and I think just knowing one way or the other will alleviate a lot of that stress.

[@PeteS_1994]

Good for you. Knowing and accepting yourself has only got to be good for your self esteem.

[@Neffin420]

Duncan Van Ooyen kzbin.info/www/bejne/hpuokKyXf8-Le5o

[@qtothea9391]

Duncan Van Ooyen It's because of what MBTI type you are, not some unscientific made up condition that pathologized certain personality characteristics with an assigned label stamped on it.

[@emexdizzy]

Because widely criticized Myers Briggs is totally scientific and all the neurological and genetic studies on autistic spectrum are total baloney. Yeah. This aspie's not buying it.

[@qtothea9391]

Siara Hughes Aspergers is just a paphologized label over a set of characteristic traits, it has nothing to do with Autism - which is indeed a neurological condition. Hans would be mortified to see how his work has been completely sabotaged by the DSM led by the APA community, Every single person in the world has a Myers Briggs type - whether they are aware of it or not, many psychologists don't support it as it's a threat to their profession and the industry, - Robert Chester. Psychology itself is not 'scientific', so you are arguing a moot point. If you're aware of what type you are you can attest to it's accuracy, the reason why is because there is truth to it that cannot yet be explained methodically in 'scientific' terms. It's more characteristically in-depth than a DSM classification can ever be.

[@nikkibyful]

Love this video. My son has aspergers... He is only 6. However its nice to here a viewpoint of what issues and dilemmas he has or will need to face in future. It is sometimes hard to grasp what he is understanding of his social environment and sometimes i wonder if he feels more than its seems or that he can tell me. The video has given me alot to think about. Thank you

[@kerry-annevanrooyen5686]

+nicola bauckham I was diagnosed last year with Asperger's at the age of 20. I can understand what he must be feeling. Life becomes very hard

[@PhysicsNomad01]

Best TEDx talk I have ever heard. I was going to read this guy's book so thought first of listening him speak. Now, I can't stop rushing to read it.

[@orcslasher3603]

I totally know what you went through in school, it was pretty much the same for me. At times it can be difficult being me although I like to think that my friends make life so worth living.