Assassin's Creed Chronicles (Zero Punctuation)

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This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Assassin's Creed Chronicles.
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[@Silvershadowfire]

I like to think that Yahtzee said "Assassin's Creed: Armageddon" and someone at Ubisoft went "Shit" and tore up a planning sheet.

[@glav2948]

I’m just picturing Mr Boss Man saying to the intern “Yeah, we’re not doing that.” followed by the intern going “Ha ha, yeah.” as they conspicuously put a paper into the shredder

[@BlueAversion]

Theres rumours they have a Scandinavian setting in the works that will be called AC Ragnarok, which is the local equivalent of Armageddon, so if that happens they won't be far off

[@hazama0634]

BlueAversion so assassins creed Viking edition? What the fuck are they going to halfarsedly connect it to? the viking invasion of Britain?

[@MasterCharlie104]

@@hazama0634 Hello I'm from the future and I'm here to inform you that's exactly what those lovable hacks at Ubisoft have done.

[@hazama0634]

MasterCharlie104 ... good lord they are barely hiding their laziness

[@nakenmil]

I am of course expecting the inevitable reboot game simply called "Assassin's Creed" that ignores all previous numbering.

[@TheInfoPanda]

Ok

[@nis5e]

Hopefully it'll be about assassinations again, like a renaissance Hitman without the world-government-conspiracy-nonsense.

[@uzzi3760]

Still not happened yet lol, im surprised

[@LetsPlayKradnium]

Fuck Assassins Creed: Armageddon, I want Assassins Creed & Knuckles

[@plaguedoctor3782]

+Wheatcrop I want Assassins Cread 3cd & Knuckles & Knuckles.

[@drakan4769]

+Wheatcrop I think we're at "assassins creed boom" right now though...

[@plaguedoctor3782]

Drakan R Assassins Cread 016, actually.

[@PrincessFelicie]

+Wheatcrop Featuring Dante from the devil may cry series.

[@soschar2050]

+Wheatcrop What about "Assassin's Creed Revelations of the Chronicled Reloaded Revolution Episode 2 Part 1 Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry Series"?

[@Patchnote2.0]

"...but I don't think this industry can afford to let writing standards slip any lower. They're already wheelchair accessible." Pure gold. Pure freaking gold.

[@ribby9069]

Rise of the Assassin's Creed Assassin's Creed Reborn

[@MrSamulai]

+Ribby Don't forget: Assassin's Greed Rises and Rebirth of the Assassin's Greed

[@IWxGH05T]

+MrSamulai greed?

[@doctoreggnog6644]

+Ribby Assassin's Creed Adventure Assassin's Creed Tamers Assassin's Creed Frontier. Nope wait, that's Digimon.

[@ninetailedfox579121]

+Ribby Return of the Rise of the Assassin's Creed Reborn: Reckoning

[@JudeX9]

Assassin's Creed: Revengeance

[@alexpskywalker]

Assassins Creed "Forever"

[@RasoKye]

IT SUCKED BACK THEN, AND IT WILL SUCK FOREVER.

[@KeystoneHeavy58]

+Batman "We Love Assassin's Creed"

[@fakkuyuu69]

+KeystoneHeavy58 Touch My Assassin

[@GuyOnAChair]

Hail to the king baby!

[@nzkisawol]

+Batman "Assassin's Creed and Robin."

[@TheLastPredAlien]

*Assassin's Creed: Evolution* Where you play as a cyborg Assassin and must defeat the radioactive mutant Templars! Set inside Monsanto's genetic engineering laboratories in post-Singularity America. Find the Golden McNugget of Eden before the Templars use it to magically enslave all the fat kids!

[@J05TI]

Sounds pretty fun actually!

[@The_Viktor_Reznov]

Not even 30 seconds in and I am laughing so much.

[@Jirodyne]

+Viktor Reznov "Assassin's Creed" That alone is laugh worthy. They had an awesome idea. I mean, you play as an assassin, stabbing people. That's awesome, simple, and fun! And yet somehow they fucked it up, every single game!

[@slenderminion2229]

+jirodyne Well, the second and fourth ones were good.

[@Jirodyne]

Joel Schembri The story WAS good... When it was Templars are assholes trying to rule and Assassins are assassinating them for the good of the world. Then they added in the 'future' and all the things in game are events in the past. Basically then, you have no choices. In fact, based on that premise you shouldn't even have any side quests or optional stuff, because it's either you're past self did that, or did not and thus isn't in the dna. Then they added in... What was it, aliens? Achient Beings? Magical glowing object of world ending power that somehow only the Templar and Assassins know about and no one else in the world. -- Like I said, it had a good and fun idea that should have been easy. Then they fucked it up! Shouldn't have had the magical objects, shouldn't have had it being DNA coding and just a simulator. Should have just been you are assassinating people in power because those people are corrupt and need to die. Simple. Easy. Fun.

[@The_Viktor_Reznov]

***** I was talking with my friend and we agreed that it should be just assassins and Templars without the whole magic bullshit and simulators. Slenderminion​ The fourth one wasn't an AC game... It was a pirate game.

[@Gubbles]

+Viktor Reznov my favorit iz blödlines on da psp

[@JustAndre92]

That comparison to _It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World_ was genius.

[@TheMiniVader]

other ways ive learned to say assassins creed by watching this video: -stabbing enthusiasts dogma -murderers ideology -executioners catechism lmfao

[@TheLunasticks]

Assassins Creed: RESURRECTION Assassins Creed: RETRIBUTION Assassins Creed: REVENGE Assassins Creed: REDISTRIBUTION Let's get all the clichés out of the way, why not?

[@GLL98]

Rise of the Assassins Creed

[@MTThought]

Creed: With Arms Wide Open

[@TheSuperMerc]

+MTThought Creed: Drinking All Night

[@TheProfet24]

+The Lunatic Fridge Assassins Creed: Christmas Special

[@TROGDOR150]

+Black Sheep Rise of the Planet of the Assassins Creed Oh, wait. I just noticed this happened an hour ago on another comment. Damn.

[@grahamkristensen9301]

"All ideological movements with no specific end goal inevitably descend into just another group with no other purpose expect to sustain its own existence and shun the opposition. That's why debating on the Internet is like trying to headbutt a brontosaurus to death." Slow clap Mr. Croshaw. Slow. Fucking. Clap.

[@ThunderPsyker]

Assassin's Creed RevolutionRevelationRedemptionRetributionReloadedReconcilliationRetalliationRevenganceRedefinedRetiredRebootedReconceptionReinterceptedRecoveredRecollectedRecommendedRecommittedRecompensatedReconstitutedRecordedRecountedRecruitedReducedRedressedReducedRedactedRememberedRemasteredRemovedRenewedRepeatedRepentedRepercussedRepresentedReportedRepressedReproducedReprintedReassembledReservedResolutionRessurectedRetracedReunitedRevealedRevivedReach

[@Billaxle]

+ThunderPsyker *Redacted lol...

[@uncle_a1255]

+ThunderPsyker 420/10

[@Fuppy636]

+ThunderPsyker Repeated is the right word my friend.

[@ENCHANTMEN_]

Don't forget Assassins' Creed!

[@underwater1997]

"--the reckoning"

[@uberethair]

Somewhere a UbiSoft executive dejectedly wipes 'Armageddon' off a white board.

[@Johnnythat1dude]

Assassin's Creed Chronicles: For those places that aren't western.

[@_doxinho]

Because 1 and revelations were western?

[@Greyghostvol1]

+Johnnythat1 Dude Hmm...I think you're right. I mean, there's Revelations, but that's still just the middle east. I guess Ubisoft can't be bothered with any area and nation east of modern day Turkey.

[@kappatalism6969]

+Johnnythat1 Dude aren't the games about his assassin ancestors?

[@Greyghostvol1]

hahahahahatimes5 After three? Not really.

[@gmsh3794]

+Johnnythat1 Dude Dude we need assassin's creed in the old west

[@nis5e]

01:55 *"All ideological movements with no specific end-goal inevitably descend into just another **_group,_** with no purpose except to sustain it's own existance and shun the opposition"* Very well-said.

[@Parthornax]

Assassins Creed the reboot not the first one

[@SherlockHyde]

+Captain SkullFace OH, you're talking about "The Assassin's Creed."

[@haruhisuzumiya6650]

+Captain SkullFace I bet it would be in the based in the 5th crusade?

[@slimebo1]

We will just call in Assassin's Creed 06

[@addviolence911]

+Dmx Ninjz I Lol'd

[@paradoxacres1063]

Please review *HuniePop*, Yahtzee. You won't regret it.

[@BERKAYWOOD]

+Paradox Acres I think the video would be 90% fapping and 10% review

[@Soulless261]

It would also be 5 seconds long, since all he would have to say is "Candy crush with porn" and then make a ejaculation joke. IMHO I don't find it even interesting it's just candy crush with naked ladies, to me the "porn" portion doesn't make up for the boring gameplay. Also it has an even worse story than most harem anime series which says a fucking lot already. But nobody asked my opinion so whatever I guess.

[@generico366]

Just fucking stop already. It was funny the first 3 times, but now... just stop, okay?

[@TheFakinGuy]

+Damon Finn I find him funny I like him and fuck you

[@drakeaaron676]

+Bas van de Kleut IDK, it seems funny to the other 50 people likeing him, so I see no reason for him to stop. His comment doesn't harm you in anyway, and if it does, you are insanely thin- skinned.

[@DannyBReviews]

"Assassin's Creed: Armageddon" Actually sounds like an awesome game!

[@paradoxacres1063]

Both Templars and Assassins have to (grudgingly) work together to stop an Alien Invasion! (May or may not steal ideas from Independence Day and XCOM)

[@BlueBD]

+Paradox Acres If by aliens you mean the precursors Then sure. They doing something with Juno arent they?

[@acephantom903]

+Paradox Acres Didn't one of the games mention aliens? This could be feasible in their universe.

[@BlueBD]

acephantom903 I don't think there are actual aliens But the First civilization is more then alien like.

[@acephantom903]

Blue★ Maybe that is what I was thinking of. :) I only played 2 through completion and it ended with the Pagan Deities are actual creatures which created humans? I can't remember too well.

[@TheMayorofSpace]

i legitimately had no clue this was even announced. i feel like this is happening more and more with me and the ac series

[@nickj.648]

"You can't spell assassin without sin! And twice the ass!" -Deadpool, Marvel vs Capcom 3

[@darkartsdabbler2407]

Pretty sure that line comes from a comic

[@nis5e]

+Dark Arts Dabbler Funny, every time i hear something redeeming about the superhero movie industry, it's immediately followed up by "...and that good idea was originally featured in a comic from 30 years ago".

[@Robwithakick]

“Arguing on the internet is like trying to headbutt a brontosaurus to death.” The most apt description of online debate (Twitter) I’ve EVER heard.

[@CraparellaSmorrebrod]

Yatzee going full on finicky school teacher with his mixed tenses critique, now that was unexpected.

[@HaIsKuL]

The writing being "already wheelchair accessible" is fucking hilarious and genius XD

[@ThatFanBoyGuy]

When he said "We already have Assasin's Creed Revelations and Chronicles..." I thought he was going on to say, "...are we going to touch all the books of the Bible?!" I'm actually a bit surprised they didn't call the prequel "Assassin's Creed Genesis." Then they could named the next one "Assassin's Creed Exodus," where the Assassins are Hebrew slaves trying to free themselves from Egyptian masters :P

[@Cloudshide]

The Jade Raymond reference gets me every time.

[@chrisjones5949]

"About as much fun as trying to prise your genitals from the workings of a grandfather clock" I died. XD

[@Jimboola]

I wait the 90's settling for "Assassins Creed: Bo Selecta" - it will be totally 'dope'!

[@mekelius]

Aaand we can add origins to the list

[@Fushba_]

Assassin's Creed: Revelations Assassin's Creed: Chronicles Assassin's Creed: Angel of Darkness Assassin's Creed: Legend Assassin's Creed: Anniversary Assassin's Creed: Underworld Then the reboot: Assassin's Creed Rise of the Assassin's Creed

[@DiscGolfLeagueMVP]

Assassins Creed Cory In The House

[@thegreatjuks3834]

I would pay for that.

[@TheProfet24]

+KuudMUFC The Fresh assassin of bel air

[@greenbean747]

+KuudMUFC I always thought an anime adaptation of Assassins creed would be a good place to take the franchise.

[@haruhisuzumiya6650]

+Armored Albatross Assassins creed, animated

[@redbasher636]

+KuudMUFC Now this is a story all about how The Temps got flipped turned upside down Now just take a minute and sit right there, I'll tell you bout the life of altair

[@xZimnii]

I friggin love your metaphors. I'm also extremely happy that they're taking a year off. I couldn't even finish Syndicate despite how much I liked the main characters. The gameplay was just so unimpressive. Hopefully this break will lead to a game as enjoyable as I found 2 and Brotherhood to be.

[@ALotad]

wait when was this game a thing?

[@paperbag2410]

I just sort of showed up one day, like every other one the AC games lately

[@josh-oo]

+cyanmanta They keep escaping from the research facility.

[@pearsetraynor9142]

+cyanmanta Terry Pratchett had the idea in his Disc-world series that when people think something up,it exists. So some guy some day thought of the 2D Assassin's Creed games. Ties in with your idea at least,pretty much shuts down rational thought,but it makes sense in this situation

[@TrollBreaker]

+A Lotad A wild Assassin's Creed game appeared!

[@qqq386]

+A Lotad 2009

[@riteasrain]

Thank you for mentioning "writing standards"!

[@OmegaSoypreme]

Assassins Creed: The Quickening Assassins Creed: Through the Portal of Time

[@VictorianClambake]

"Assassins Creed: Origins" was announced so that's another cliche subtitle checked off.

[@imageeknotanerd9897]

The subtitles like "Unity" and "Syndicate" are just silly. Call it "Assassin's Creed: Paris" or "Assassin's Creed: London". Just name it after the setting, since that's how everyone's going to remember it.

[@baldman7738]

I'm a geek, not a nerd they should just number them.

[@merrittanimation7721]

Do they mean anything in context anyways?

[@darkartsdabbler2407]

+Bald Man really, really? Just number them? That's a great idea until you realize we'd be at like assassins creed 16 in a years time

[@omdhdk]

Dark Arts Dabbler the numbers would make it a lot more obvious that they’re milking the series 😂

[@dh599]

That bit of the head under the assassins hood, it isn't an illuminated bit of his face it the D of the :D emoji... I can't unsee.

[@RaidsEpicly]

"The mix of tenses make me unmixedly tense!"

[@PunksterOS]

Assassin's Creed: Armageddensickofthem

[@ThePokefrantic]

I gotta ask- Is The Escapist youtube channel basically just ran by Yhatzee now?

[@ThePokefrantic]

Tiwaking Tiwaking I thought so, I just didn't want to make assumptions.

[@Firestar4041]

+Reshriham I think its similar to That Guy With The Glasses, Other people are there but Yahtzee ends up being the more entertaining of the lot, and his throbbing shadow consumes them all.

[@TheOneAndOnlyP6]

I'm just imagining a Ubisoft worker stromes in the conference room, showing this video with the armagedon part and on the big projector in the background is a powerpoint presentation about AC:Amragedon for 2017.

[@masterzenkaichi6837]

LOVE the animations

[@ragnarokncc3137]

The ideological conflict was the best part of AC3, with each target challenging Connor's perspective before they die. It was also the most disappointing part of AC4, which was more about hurr durr pirates than Edward's failure to build an empire out of his ideal of absolute freedom. (The same way the Templars fail to build an empire out of absolute order.)

[@eeek143]

Can't wait for Assassin's Creed Racing

[@finnlavelle637]

lol

[@ditroy1974]

eeek143 Assassin's Cart

[@yonotananari2794]

After a year of being subbed i just realized this channel has other people on it too

[@fruitsalad5802]

it's come to the point where I don't even realize new Assassin's Creed games are even coming out anymore. I didn't know with Brotherhood, and I didn't know with this one, they just come out so fucking often that I've been conditioned to not notice them when they do.

[@WigginMillerGames]

Assassin's creed is the McDonald's of video games. No one even notices when a new one is released.

[@chunkychicken9742]

Not a fantastic comparison

[@WigginMillerGames]

+Chunky Chicken Well your mum is fantastic

[@chunkychicken9742]

+Wiggin Miller sorry didn't mean to offend you :'(

[@WigginMillerGames]

+Chunky Chicken

[@Glaman14]

+Wiggin Miller I prefer to say that this title would go to Call of Duty, because at least, both of them are sucessful, whether we like or not. AC is more close to Burger King, where nobody gives a grap anymore, even if it tries to become revelant again.

[@Allison-qk1ws]

I wanna see the next release settle the future plot between Assassins and Templars with a field day and BBQ. It will be called Assassin's Creed G1ne3s1s.

[@jimthecheesecrumpet]

4:00, comrade Yahtzee admits it!

[@richardhowells5804]

This genuinely cheerd me up so much, after a day of intolerable rage inducing incompetence. Good on ya Yahtzee, you'be been keeping me sane for some time now. I heard that little note in you voice, during your word deconstruction. That amused just as much as thinking about the word like that. glad to hear that little bit of amusement for you too :) stay frosty and keep keep being a proper dude

[@squigglezdh375]

Wow I'm early I should make a joke Unity

[@Billaxle]

+squigglez DH _*Snrrk!_ Oh you!

[@bloodstoneore4630]

+squigglez DH actual LOL

[@Nikke-nn5mn]

game or engine

[@AmanojakuPenguin]

UnderRise of the Assassin's Creed Armageddon: Rising: Revengeance: Enter the Gecko: Age of Revelations Ultimate Ninja Storm Xenoverse and Knuckles Platinum Version for Wii U and 3DS featuring Dante from the Evil May Cry series

[@AmanojakuPenguin]

*Devil

[@saintseiyablade]

Brilliant as always!

[@dreadrabbit]

i enjoy the juke towards the offensive. keep it up

[@Komnen0s]

Assassin's Creed: Poo in the Loo

[@user-rb3yx1bf6g]

+nice meme SHITTING

[@deathbymugging]

+Komnenos D E S I G N A T E D

[@malevolution7041]

Electric Boogaloo.

[@Billaxle]

+Komnenos Assassin's Creed: And the Curse of the Hairy Potty

[@clintjanes3784]

Your /pol/ is showing.

[@phayknaim2711]

2017 - Pirate's Creed: Swag dat Booty

[@thejellyfisher5009]

Lets start it up now. Assassin's Creed: SVU , Assassin's Creed: Mordern Warfare , Assassin's Creed: Greatest Stabs Collector's Edition

[@brendancampbell4416]

I just found this channel thanks to gcp grey! I think you're really terrific

[@houstondragon]

I'm in the middle of replaying AC: Brotherhood, and plan to play through Black Flag. The game just went off the rails and lost its way when it ended the Desmond plot, and just has been too bland. Unity was bugged all to hell and terrible, and I've not been able to even bother with Syndicate. Give us some good plots again, and characters we care about.

[@ZombryaTheDark]

that Michael j fox joke..

[@HeyLaserLips]

I can't believe how few people picked up on it. xD

[@mtndude96]

Micheal J Fox with the TV remote, oh boy!

[@KingDieselG]

this guy has to be the funnies reviewer I've ever subscribed to! 😂😂😂

[@TheHaHaNinja]

Assassin's Creed : Revengeance

[@gabrielfortunato1004]

Um... There was a game about how the Assassins and the Templars divide ideologically. It's called Assassin's Creed: Rogue, and it's great.

[@gabrielfortunato1004]

And it's got tons of stabbing.

[@deletingunsubscribe5496]

No. thats not at all how it went. Shay just chose to be a templar which were already a thing. go read the books ^-^ They're great!

[@adolfoestrada6283]

Hey Yahtzee could you review muramasa the demon blade. I quite like it but would like too see what you think(there are definitely faults but I want to see what you think of the crafting and combat systems, which really shine)

[@jmalb42]

"Sasso Creedo" Love it.

[@lightingale]

Assassin's Creed zer0 - Japan Only Assassin's Creed Online - PC Only Assassin's Creed *insert cool word here* - coming soon/

[@alranican]

Holy punctuation, I'm really early!

[@TheHeadHunter1000]

OMG you have to go into sound, ( your audio speaker properties), enhancements, then sewer pipe. It adds so much more immersion to Yahzee.

[@sora3mo168]

Assassins Creed Rogue was actually fun and brought the whole idea of "are the Assassins really the good guys here?" to the table. The seekers really annoy me sometimes but they seem like they should be there.

[@Dovah21]

The Assassin's Creed Holiday Special! Starring Art Carney and Harvey Korman.

[@MisterArse]

"Curry scented stiffy" holy shit I'm dead

[@AKitchenSynk]

I love assassin's Creed it's just funny as hell to hear him

[@TheHunsonAbadeer]

the crossover lovers thingy he mentioned @ 02:09 already happened back in the ancient days when altaïr shagged a templar girl

[@liampendergast8670]

I'm looking forward to when he reviews The Witness. He loved Braid so you know he's at least going to talk about it.

[@nonamebrandorangejuice]

LONG time fan and just bought hatfall. After awhile I wanted to watch the show

[@jorgenjorgensen2739]

I'm from the Grim future of 2020. They didn't use Armageddon... they used Valhalla instead.

[@ohioman4646]

this is probably his best Zero Punctuation video.

[@mehmetersoy7380]

Set the speed of the video to 0.5 and listen to the intro music. Pretty fucking cool. After so many years I can't believe I've only just thought to do this for a Yahtzee video.

[@danpowton3193]

was this re-uploaded because I'm certain that I watched this exact video the other day. (Sunday at roughly 9:15 am)

[@encore_y]

Did ya watch it on the website?

[@danpowton3193]

Yeah, I think it was on the website. (That would make sense)

[@radosawrzonca3425]

one day, a few years from now, when AC Armageddon will come out, i will come back to this vid, with a cigar and a fine whiskey and cherish the fact that i was here when yahtzee first predicted it.

[@christater5540]

"It hits the autosave button every three seconds like Michael J. Fox with a TV remote." OH GOD I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!

[@morrelcorvus7080]

And when AssCreed gets the "Armageddon" subtitle, we're all going to have a right big laugh...And then a really long cry.

[@zoobMer]

with that ending, now I can't wait for AC: Awakening.

[@somedude4533]

One of my favorite AC Chronicals moment was "No, you can not climb that building, what do you think this is, an Assassin's Creed game?".

[@somedude4533]

This was in AC Chronicals India

[@LaylaSpellwind]

Here in the UK it's Arsearseins Creed.

[@Volvith]

You know what AC's problem is? The fact that that question is self-answering, in that AC is AC's problem.

[@buddha4567]

Can you please review The Lord of the Rings: The Third Age? It's a truly dreadful game, but I also couldn't help but LOVE playing it. Especially with a second player.

[@kevinburke544]

only the escapist can make Michael J Fox jokes like that and still be one of the most lovable youtubers out there

[@molagbal7961]

"like Michael J Fox with a TV remote"... I spat my toothpaste out! deliberately, into the sink, but still...

[@nicholasgallagher3406]

With the setup to his closing joke being, "we've already had a "Chronicles" and a "Revelation,"" I thought for sure his closing prod would go Biblically ironic; something like, "so I assume the inevitable reboot or prequel to the first one will be Genesis? Oh, I /so/ look forward to AC: Kings volumes 1 and 2!"

[@bradypostma3708]

"Stabbing enthusiast's dogma" hahaha!

[@Shonki91]

Well the new AC is going to be called Ragnarok so its technically Armageddon

[@FrozenPineapple18]

3:01 i spat my water out thanks

[@insertatitlehere13]

I'm still keeping my hopes up for (in theme with all the other R subtitles) Assassins Creed: Resignation.

[@MisterKillMan]

Anyone know the name of the song that's playing with the t-shirts?

[@wynanddevilliers7738]

You are a legend

[@allmightypixel9770]

zero punctuation the good left on this channel

[@jotabeas22]

Today in How To Ubisoft, we dive in the uncanny yet invaluable, irreplaceable deed of beating a dead horse.