Atlas Is So Bad It’s Funny

Jennifer Lopez and Netflix are here with their new movie ATLAS.
J.Lo + Sci-Fi... how bad can it be?
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[@Maybeabandaid9]

J Lo playing any character who is brilliant is the least believable part of this entire movie.

[@Film_Sushi]

I think JLo supposedly acting is something beyond belief, really. :)

[@daethalion1725]

I still say Denise Richards being a nuclear physicist broke my suspension of disbelief faster than any other casting decision I've seen yet.

[@noelsteele]

The Cell was really good.

[@andytopley314]

Two reasons to NOT watch this movie- 1) Jennifer Lopez 2) Netflix Can it get worse - I'm sure Amazon are working on it!

[@HairryTurttleneck]

i mean... at least its not comedy central.....

[@hodor1765]

I'm surprised they didn't put white man in it that she had to save every ten secs to have a punching bag! though out hole movie where the girl boss has to save him and do everything but then again i will never see this movie so maybe they did add one XD

[@insensitive919]

Fallout was so good tho only racists don't like it

[@Shineinpoverty]

I stopped after #1

[@chrisbennett1358]

Simu liu is only reason I need. Guy is a commie prick

[@vladimirefest4980]

"And then everyone clapped" should be put on a tshirt at this point.

[@sterling7]

As I said on the "Call Me Chato" review- when did Hollywood forget how to write smart people? A person isn't "smart" because there are people saying they're smart, or because they have accessories that try to suggest they're smart, or because the script plants other characters to defer to their opinions. A character is smart because they do intelligent things; because they apply experience and knowledge to chart out effective courses of action that aren't necessarily evident to other people. You can spout technobabble and win chess games until the cows come home, but if the audience sees you doing stupid things, they'll spend the rest of the movie arguing with its premise on a very basic level.

[@Shineinpoverty]

They hire and promote only their own kind, so yeah, nothing beside stupid and very untalented people.

[@r3dr4te963]

Yeah. If J-Lo just act as washed up ex diva who accidently trapped in a -Gundam- mech suit, it would be more believable

[@doublep1980]

To write smart characters in movies/series, you need smart writers. The majority of modern day ''writers'' ( quotations are deliberate) are absolute hacks who care more about promoting an agenda ( ''The Message'' like the Critical Drinker coined it) than good story writing. And even if they cared, most of them can't write a story/character to save their live.

[@eyesofstatic9641]

@@doublep1980I agree.

[@EL-ql2fc]

I think the problem is that if you are not brilliant but want to write a smart character, you need alot of time and planing - as a writer i know all the information about the world that is nececery for the character to figure out how to deal with the problem - all i need to do is find a way they figure it out so its believable - I dont think i need to be really that smart, what i really need is to be creative and have enough time to think of all the details - Hollywood doesnt give a damn about creativity - and they dont give the stories enough time to get past the “brainstorm” part, thats why imo most new movies suck, the scripts seem like first drafts (cos more draws cost money) - thats why you need characters saying “shes brilliant” and “shes smart” cos when writing its much faster then coming up with the reasons why is she smart

[@Ironica82]

Upgrade is the best A.I. action movie in recent times. The way the camera even moves when the A.I fights is amazing.

[@ArmyWolves]

YES. I loved upgrade. Even the humor was perfect as s.t.e.m was very literal and THAT created humor not an A.I inexplicably having human attributes like irony and sarcasm.

[@Ironica82]

@@ArmyWolves "Just give me a second" Pause "It has been a second" Comedy gold 🤣

[@kamesanj0]

J-lo has more friends than talent that’s for sure.

[@alexutzcel]

i'm 100% sure that JLo wrote that "brilliant" part 🤣 feels nice to pat your own back every once in a while!

[@nunchuckfilms]

Gotta offset the cashmere for wipage to still be able to claim to be Jenny from the block

[@doblove]

That use of Alec Baldwin meme to point out the lack of gun knowledge in Hollywood was just chef kiss 😂

[@gerardyimdesign]

What a waste of Mark Strong 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@rorylyons1091]

@@Falconer22 It is very hard for straight white male's to get even ten minutes game time in the present climate. I guess Mark has bills to pay just like the rest of us.

[@GlGAPEPE]

Is she ON THE PLANET with toxic atmosphere when she says she like coffee?

[@LukasJampen]

I was wondering that myself. He didn't show them traelling unless they were on the stolen ship on their way to earth or something.

[@sweetd20111]

lol

[@mrmhj9925]

What’s funny is I thought this film came out in the mid 90s. It just looks so dated, and not in a good way. Damn.. 😬😂 Good job my brain got my back here and just said: “nope!”

[@quintonchristie7149]

What got to me (amongst three other pages of...), was that she's in a mech with dying batteries, yet neither of them think to get spares from the dead comrades they pass along in their journey of syncing cycles.

[@Yolanda8419]

Are we sure this was not a comedy? This has “The room” level of quality. “Oh, hi Mark?”

[@pinky8167]

I watched it out of morbid curiosity, as soon as I saw LA as an actual livable city in 20 years, my first thought was "this movie is going to be full of absolute bullshit".

[@MamaMOB]

When it should be full of human shit!

[@emhu2594]

kind of seems like you don't know anything about LA bud

[@pinky8167]

@@emhu2594 It is about halfway across the planet from me and I still feel like a bit more distance would be nicer. Sucks to even just have a layover in, let alone visit on purpose.

[@eyesofstatic9641]

@@emhu2594I do and it’s a shithole lol

[@jackieellis7186]

I lived in L.A. and it’s a craphole. Sorry if that hurts your feelings.

[@PipJim80]

Wtf was that cup of coffee line all about? Honestly, the film has to be satire, it really can’t be for real

[@RedeyeJedi2985]

"Gelatinous invalids". Excellent!

[@WineAndDissent]

"A wine mom splitting up with her Amazon Alexa" is how this movie should have been marketed.

[@TheSouloftheDragon]

This is the poor man's Titanfall 2 campaign.

[@toonpacha2396]

"we have Titanfall 2 at home"

[@Raximus3000]

No, this is the poor woman's Zone of the Enders.

[@jdaws4896]

They also ripped off the briefing scenes from aliens!!!! With the marines!

[@insensitive919]

There was an XCOM2 DLC that kinda did the same thing too.

[@TheXpompier]

Uh oh, a bad review of a J-Lo movie? No taco-flavored kisses for you, Jonny.

[@ronwatford7331]

​@@HUMAN01LoftyI take it you never saw the South Park episode.

[@HUMAN01Lofty]

@@ronwatford7331Nope, never. I'll look it up. Thanks

[@HUMAN01Lofty]

@@ronwatford7331 no I haven’t

[@jeebus2121]

7:20 - What makes the "father leaving at eight" even worse is that means he left after he had quite a while to know her. Leaving a baby is one thing, but leaving someone with a full personality is another.

[@dragons_advocate]

"Counter terrorism analyst" sounds like something a terrorism organization would employ in order to stay one step ahead of the opposition.

[@kaykutcher2103]

I sware Steven Seagal has at least 35 direct to a nearby fiver bin movies where he plays just that with every other character including the villain going on about how brilliant he is.

[@njlkerins]

"I'm hacking the mainframe." :-D

[@davidjones3890]

Johnny forgot to end with, "I'm in."

[@Tim_the_Enchanter]

Is J Lo too old for me to make an Atlass joke?

[@joebiologyuni]

Butt why would you want to? 😉

[@Film_Sushi]

Not if you love old wrinkled asses, lol?

[@pinky8167]

The end scene of her in workout clothes says "yes". Godamn rice pudding wrap even with CGI.

[@r3dr4te963]

eh, Atleast it's not Madonna

[@kaykutcher2103]

​@@r3dr4te963 Now I kind of wish it was. Imagine the hilarity.

[@Random_Tangent]

Calling the protagonist Atlas (world) Shepherd (guide/protector) is so embarrassing, it's a name 18 year old me would use as a character, like a female lead called Celeste Corps (French for Heavenly Body). My guess is this was written for 13-18 year olds, 25 year olds at the very most. But that makes the casting of J-Lo really confusing as someone half her age would have fit better with the target demographic. The casting is like they want 35+ to watch this like its a mature sci-fi.

[@r3dr4te963]

I first thought it was the name of the robot/ AI, while generic it's still appropriate.

[@letmelie4757]

So its shitty Blade Runner? Very original

[@nygmla]

Damsel, rebel moon, atlas and thats just in the past 6 months. Ladies and gentlemen, netflix is becoming the new Asylum, except with deeper pockets of hundreds millions of dollar budget

[@zoltankrasznai5842]

The wish version of Sigourney Weaver.

[@Siegbert85]

That feels like an episode of SouthPark

[@silverscorpio24]

Are we sure Simu Liu isn't an AI in real life?

[@hectoraccented5312]

I saw a little of his "stabbing yourself" old videos, he is NS (natural stupidity)

[@GeoffInfield]

Alien : disproving the woke narrative since 1979. Men have ALWAYS loved and respected believably strong female leads who don't demean, despise and enfeeble the men around them.

[@bladeduffer]

Same with Aliens

[@ronwatford7331]

Don't forget the first 2 Terminators.

[@davidthomas3826]

Alien and Aliens are true feminist movies because men and women have the exact same roles, dress the same, and often act the same. What we have now are "girl boss" movies where the female lead is smarter, stronger, tougher than all the men around her

[@jatwood9648]

I'm surprised they didn't call her stunning and brave. They missed getting buzzword bingo.

[@kaykutcher2103]

Dang. I had a bet on red.

[@Midtable1881]

A waste of Mark Strong, they could've used a tv actor instead.

[@Whookieee]

"Don't you dare say like a boss" "Like a boss" Jonny leaves

[@doblove]

Hollywood is really ruining female leads characters so bad. Like, the cringe levels are over the roof 😬

[@katyavinogradova7688]

Casting Jennifer Lopez as a brilliant computer specialist is in the same realm of believability as casting Mark Wahlberg as a high school science teacher.

[@rogierb5945]

What? No?!

[@JeepnJesusFreak]

That’s not new technology, sir.. That’s FaceBack. 😂

[@haroldb1856]

It is suspicious that her father leaving and her mother expiring was stated as the explicit reason that she is the sharpest tool in the arsenal. Does the army have a program to identify promising candidates and disappear their parents at specific ages in order to trigger a mental metamorphosis? That would be an interesting dystopian science fiction world to explore.

[@belliott538]

I have been wondering what happened to Urkle… said no one…

[@monfisch]

The main character is only as smart as the writers. Truer words were never spoken. It’s like 12 years old were given money and told to write a movie.

[@kaykutcher2103]

I babysat smarter 12 year olds.

[@FilipeLeviSilva]

The thing I hate the most about this movie is that I really live the idea behind it. But man, this is not it. This movie is the septic waste stuck in a clogged sewer.

[@Sir_Gerald_Nosehairs.]

"Sharpest mind in our arsenal" is a new one on me as well. "Her mind is one of the deadliest weapons in our arsenal", or just "She is one of our sharpest minds". Who was the lead writer for this, RTD??

[@6tiple6ix6afia]

The literal chess world champion can not manage to beat even the second best, no.... the third best chess AI lmfao but i the future, a woman with phaattttty donk can beat an AI chess bot that would obviously be 100x better minimum than what we have now lol/

[@Film_Sushi]

Now you are being chessoginyst. :)

[@hectoraccented5312]

With a 70+ winning streak... I thought: "maybe is time to up the difficulty, brilliant data analyst?"

[@Film_Sushi]

@@hectoraccented5312 How do you know she wasn´t given a rook advantage in every game, hmm? :)

[@Gorbz]

Am I miss8ng something here, or does the film end with JLo standing on a toxic planet without any protection from the environment? Does she no longer need lungs to live?

[@voorheesjason3161]

P-Diddy : " Don't say anything ... " J-Lo : " I want a movie ... NOW !!! " = Atals.

[@herbaldragon7646]

The acting on some of the robots reminded me of pretend playing on the playground in gradeschool

[@PrincessBunhead]

The 1982 Blade Runner takes place in 2019 Los Angeles, which would've been 30 years after the film was made. So much of this reminds me of Blade Runner, I'd rather watch Harrison Ford because he can act

[@PaladinHD]

This isn't a poor man's Titianfall 2. This is a national debt level broke man's Titianfall 2.

[@leverans]

I could tell just by glancing at the movie poster

[@tirefish]

I am now even saltier that TF3 (Both of them) haven't happened yet and when this movie stole pretty much everything from Titanfall 2.

[@cmlfarr]

I didn't even make it throught the trailer. Thanks for suffering through this for us...

[@PKDigital5]

The brilliant girl boss exposition in every movie. U called it brilliantly

[@jedrzejowskia]

Atlas looks like if Good Story Bro and Facepalm had a baby

[@ryanlytle2214]

Love in the intro to the movie how it shows high tech futuristic jets mixed with footage of V-22 Ospreys that entered service in the very early 2000s and a Naval fleet with ships dating back to the 1980s.

[@ArmyWolves]

So... The AI wants to prevent humans from destroying the planet by eliminating humans along with the planet with a nuclear weapon? 🧐🧐🧐🧐

[@justwonder1404]

7:18 - sure, last time I checked, immense stress caused by loss and trauma during formative years is really stimulating to cognitive abilities.

[@freemo260]

J lo is from the bronx 😂😂😂😂

[@Maerahn]

I see the words 'starring J-Lo' in a movie's blurb - I avoid that movie like COVID-19.

[@ogrimtodeshammer2739]

I'm so glad that Heckler&Koch still exists in the future!

[@JohnDavidSullivan]

Ah Brad Peyton that Michael Bay type director who makes films with loads of CGI and no substance or character development. He made San Andreas, a film that centres around Dwayne Johnson saving his family from an earthquake but it was already established that his character was a rescue helicopter pilot for the fire department, he was someone who saves lives - so the stakes were non-existent.

[@dulalg18]

My god, what a kidney touching performance.

[@josephbassey1501]

You might wanna get those touched kidneys checked

[@bradwolf07]

Finally a Military Officer to rival the guy from the start of Idiocracy in Colonel "Call me Elias"...and a brilliant leading character to rival the Average Joe lead of Idiocracy

[@samuschwalb8165]

The bone that was show in the scan and labeld as tibia is a femur...

[@McGriddy51095]

Yeah that wasn’t my reaction to breaking my fibula and breaking piece off my tibia, my reaction when I felt that wet snap was "aughhh, ahhhh, fuck…..ah god" and then frantically waving for a passing car to stop so I didn’t freeze to death in -25 degree weather at 5am 😂

[@chrisandrew7577]

Im an american who approves your knowledge of rifle rounds. Well done.

[@S1337theoddoneout-ip9xc]

Man, netflix originals are becoming more and more like TV offer products. There is no market or use for them but they just keep pumping them out hoping some idiot might have a vague use for their junk and is willing to pay the $14.99 plus shipping and handling. For what is worth, if turn off your brain with enough alcohol or weed, you can kinda enjoy the movie, is fun enough to be enjoyed just slightly above the legal alcohol limit to drive.

[@insensitive919]

Anybody else remember the XCOM2 DLC where Lily Shen meets her AI "brother" Julian and he needs her to complete his evil plan? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I know it's tropey as hell but it's crazy how close it lines up.

[@royscult9]

Your humor is top-notch, thanks for the laughs mate

[@SuperTab2]

Fighting fire with fire is a very intelligent strategy from what I've heard.

[@Mina-hm2og]

And having SWAT members die without fighting at all. Yeah, this is a no from me.

[@6tiple6ix6afia]

Also YO JONNNY I have FFX/FFX-2 HD on my PS4, have you played? OG is still my all time fav. On my current PS4 save file, I have the platinum trophy, over 900 hours on that one save, and am 104-0 in blitzball!

[@Film_Sushi]

Ehm. When was the last time you had sex, though? :)

[@JonnyLawYT]

You’ve got the upmost respect from me for actually playing blitzball, I’ve given up on getting world champion on 99% of runs 🤣 and I’ve played both OG games and the HD remasters and although the remasters don’t have that nostalgic look I like it running on better hardware like the PS4/5!

[@FatboyMcfat]

Smart choice casting Simu Liu he almost makes J Lo look like an actress in comparison.

[@chastion3689]

Its a shame this CGI and those Mechs were wasted on this disaster of a script and cast.

[@davidmarsden192]

Thank you for watching this tripe (so I didn't have to)! LOL Great review! I always enjoy your videos!

[@ubertoss2000]

Being involved with contact sports for 3 decades i can tell you for certainty only the absolute ultimate Giga-Girlbosses handle compound fractures in their femur like that. Every one else almost goes into shock and needs hospitalization

[@AZyzk]

"Full on geno side" is really embarrassing use of language, but considering they call any sheit geno side today it kinda makes sense.

[@jeandonaldson2290]

Tappity-tappity-tappity-tappity “I’m hacking the mainframe.” Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[@haitch2676]

Hilariously, there was an ad for this tripe immediately before your video

[@skyhunter2816]

Her having a 71 win streak on an A.I. is literally impossible. Especially if this AI is supposed to be super enhanced. Humans can't even beat current AI.

[@JETBLACKPRIEST]

That Carhartt is way too clean

[@Tina93_]

As a woman, I’ve stopped drinking coffee for years now.

[@anv_bis7287]

My mom: We have Titanfall at home! The Titanfall at home: ⬆️

[@janette2422]

man what a mouth JLo has on her now, too. Can't expression emotion at all without mouthing off in frustration

[@WishingItWereEasy]

J Lo’s acting looks RAGGED. Just like her face.

[@orcashadow8989]

Nothing like an out of touch, struggling for relevancy, woke celebrity making a movie with the message that we should accept AI. Lol

[@wavetactics13]

Wow, sounds like they ripped off the pilot and mecha A.I. duo surviving in hostile territory thing from Titanfall 2, but just that and none of the actual dynamics between them that made you care when the mech is lost.

[@JETBLACKPRIEST]

5.56 has been around since the 60-70s and it'll be around for another 100 years. They should at least have hand me down sig spears by then though.

[@rudolfspitz]

Thanks for making this 😂

[@richmiola9158]

I have been having a riot all year watching JLO get what’s coming to get for stealing vocals her entire career. She’s done. That said I truly want to watch this awful stupid movie just to laugh.

[@KuroOokami167]

Honestly, the robot having pronouns is kinda neat. There could be an interesting narrative about robots having a sense of identity and how that parallels the human experience, but I'm guessing that was just a throwaway joke for the appearance of having morals and being inclusive instead of exploring that character and the complexity of identity despite having the perfect setting for it. Although, they can't even write or develop a decent female protagonist, so I have zero faith they could've or would've done anything for a character that identifies as female. Really, it's more insulting than anything when you consider the fact that they only regarded that experience as a joke in the movie. What? Nuance to the human experience told through a self identifying robot? PFFFT!!!! Ugh... I hate how there are legitimately far more intriguing concepts in 3 seconds line reads than in the entire 2 hour+ movie, or however long this thing was.

[@prestigemultimediagroup6436]

Ffs noone gives a damn what you think your genitals are noine has to bow down to anyone's identity that's internal to you

[@matthewalves3855]

Finally more Jonny Law! You never miss JL, keep it up 👍🏻

[@maddasher8471]

poor man's titanfall

[@IgnisNatus]

Jonny are you gonna do an Disney's Star Wars: The Acolyte review??!! PLEASE!!!!!!!

[@evapawlowska]

Stay gold pony boy 😂 That pronoun robot killed me 😂😂

[@guskinmaypho174]

I don't know why but it really irritated me that they combined futuristic technology like holograms and tiny earpiece that has infinite battery and can scan your entire brain, with prehistoric or outright bulky technology like torches on guns or the tablets that were bigger than average laptop that we have today. And to top it off I lost it when SMITH claimed he can't be hacked because he's closed circuit. Dear writers, you are using wireless thingy to connect human to machine that is one giant security hole and it definitely is NOT closed circuit. I suspect there are more holes in that system than just that one.

[@KelShu]

So Harlan wouldn't inevitably turned evil no matter who he linked up with, if anything, it's the mom's fault for not adding a failsafe/

[@kainatrayza]

Johnny, where are you, cole studio 15 is here and we can’t wait for you to react to it. There is a bunch from for you to breakdown each of the episodessss. We are eagerly waitinggg

[@HipHopRepair]

Dude, you are brilliant! Stay grinding, it will pay off

[@SugarFree91]

11:04 you missed the chance to say re-educated.

[@hunterknight5261]

How is it that with all these AI robot guys running around AFTER the release of movies like Terminator no one before this woman ever thought to reprogram the robots? And that shit like explosive rounds or electronic dart things aren't standard issue for fighting the BULLET PROOF ROBOTS?

[@hawaiianpunch781]

Johnny, the acolyte is defiling the corpse of Star Wars…we need you.