Atypical & Autism in Media | We Don't Talk About Disability Issues

TW: abuse, filicide, ableism
Maybe we should talk about those more important issues that affect us instead of pushing narratives that cause further harm. Disabled people face a lot more issues than people finding us weird.
SUBSCRIBE ► bit.ly/2uAtBcC
TWITTER ► / questingrefuge
CHECK OUT SOME MORE VIDEOS:
On Feeling "Good Enough" in Animal Crossing (feat. Leslie Exp): • Learning to Be "Good E...
Pixar's Float: How Can We Do Better Introducing Autism? • Pixar's Float: How Can...
Pixar's Loop: State of the media about disabled people • Pixar's Loop: Good Aut...
Channel Art by @enbodie
/ enbodie
/ enbodie
0:00 Intro
1:30 1. Atypical
4:57 2. "Normal" = Good?
7:06 3. Normalizing Abuse
10:15 Conclusion
#Atypical #Autism #Disability
==SOURCES==
disabilityjustice.org/justice...
ASAN's 2020 Anti-Filicide Toolkit: autisticadvocacy.org/projects...
disability-memorial.org/
www.lgbtmap.org/lgbt-people-d...
www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/disability...
issuu.com/rudermanfoundation/...
Example news story about Jorden and Jaden's death: www.oxygen.com/crime-news/dor...

[@kittycatgirl951]

i also sometimes feel like this it also contributed by psychologist and teachers. I'm in collage right now and pursuing a psy degree. i did because I took my first psy class, abnormal psychology is was called, and after it was finished i really like it. but i still remember in that class and what the teacher said in one of the lectures. we were going over developmental ones. we got to ASD and what she said scared me so much especially since i really liked her and trusted her. she was saying how autistic people were just emotionless and held no feeling or even love. she also said some other stuff that i think were not good about it but i was having a major panic attack listening to what she saying and can't really remember everything she was saying after a couple minutes she went into it. it felt really betrayed and scared she would think but not only try to teach that about people like me. i was so scared that the other student would believe her and a lot were their since they wanted to be a psychologist or help people in general and they would then go on and continue to share this belief. i usually stayed after class to talk to her and ask questions sometimes but I couldn't that day and my mom have to help me calm down when we got home.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Holy crap! I'm so sorry you had to hear that nonsense spread and by someone you trusted. You're absolutely right too and it's a huge problem how little many professionals know about autism, especially with how dismissive the field can be towards people with the actual experiences.

[@rayofsunshine8743]

Your teacher sounds like an asshole

[@Gripprear69]

we are not emotionless. We have a hard time understand what feelings we feel and others. Thats why i love cartoons because the expresstion shows more. I am learning sign language and i realized how easier it is to understand. When i dont know what feeling i have, i take that feeling and try to see what scene from a movie it is. For an example when Hiccup and Astrid flies on toothless in the sky. I would recommend see Loop on Disney+ its super good. if you have any questions then you can ask.

[@KarlSnarks]

Anyone who says people with ASD have no emotion or capacity for love, should not be teaching psychology. It's just plainly incorrect and could have harmful results if students took it for truth. If this was recently, it might be a good idea to talk someone at your college, or explain directly to the professor why you were upset with what she said (if you're uncomfortable with this, ask someone you trust to go with you for support).

[@mariagiuliazanon8564]

@@KarlSnarks the ones who say this bullshit are the real heartless and emotionless people

[@zaziorambero1179]

The most painful thing for me as a disabled is that everyone is talking about diversity and equal rights but they never talk about disabled people. We have been here since the beginning of mankind and we’re still shoved in a dark corner in society.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Disability is so often overlooked you're absolutely right. Marriage equality is a great example which we still don't have. And there's just so much

[@foxpro3002]

Life isn't fair bruv, that's the sad truth, people like us aren't going to be talked about, it's just one of those things.

[@QuestingRefuge]

@@bepis_lord7883 Honestly, no idea what you mean. I'm autistic and also raise autistic children so I speak from experience as well as a lot of time advocating and researching these areas. I talk about this because it matters. My joke about the "cis straight white males" is directly related to the common trope of portrayals we see. It's just not something as directly explored in this specific video. Do you have any actual criticism to the things I said or you just don't like one joke?

[@mrmhj9925]

Definitely. I pretend to be normal when I know I’m really no where near normal. I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was a kid and ever since I’ve been discriminated and till this day, not even my GF knows I have it because I can’t be arse to deal with it. I feel too insecure about it and it don’t help with the majority of everyone, don’t matter what silly political party you’re from or what you believe in or who you are, etc it’s always slander and just out right, mockery. So I act. I’m acting everyday.

[@theentity5201]

Here in the UK a lot of mentally disabled people get put in mental hospitals because parents asked for help and there's nowhere to house them, most parents lose control of their children if they ask for help with disabled children That happened to my brother A podcast on this matter pretty much said it best, Disabled people don't matter, they can't advocate for themselves and they don't vote I can't even go to professionals for help because I emotionally spout all my worst thoughts and feelings, it comes off threatening and menacing, I'll get safeguarded to hell and even detained if it's reported too much. I have ADHD too so it's unlikely I can manage this and I was never taught to manage my emotions, as a guy showing emotion I get lambasted with indifference and people are scared of me, that's the better outcome of my families two children

[@jackriver8385]

It seems like NTs just do not realise autistics have emotions. We may not express them very clearly but we have plenty of them. Great video, I love me some good quality ND content ❤

[@QuestingRefuge]

And of course, it may not be clear to NTs, but there are studies showing that ND understand each other better. Funny how that stuff works one sided!

[@notnova892]

some of us actually experience overwhelming amounts of emotion, which is why some appear to be numb or cold looking. Just too much going on to focus on looking "normal"

[@comicconcarne]

@@notnova892 What they say: "lost in her own world :-)" What they mean: dissociating to try and comprehend one aspect of the absolute nonsense happening before her very eyes

[@paigemosher8697]

​@@Sci-Fi2427 🎉🌟✨️Projection✨️🌟🎉

[@JackieSmite]

this is so real to me right now. I'm realizing there are a lt of people arpund me that think this way. ffs.

[@Emileigggggh]

omg ok seriously why are they always like "disabled people have sooo many issues dating but its all they want but theyre so bad at it" it annoys me so much. Also I don't know if i'd be able to only talk about my interests 3 times a day, ew. Thank you for touching on all of these super important topics!

[@QuestingRefuge]

Maybe we'd have less issues if people weren't assholes to us 🤷‍♀️

[@NANA-su5ql]

Or they just default make autistic people these ace aro robots of human beings

[@jlarch3313]

Well, luckily you are a girl, so you have a little more power in the dating market

[@QuestingRefuge]

​@@jlarch3313 That's not how that works and kind of crappy to just randomly say that to someone.

[@j.a.ogrady7783]

It's such an overplayed stereotype too, my best friend with aspergers has successfully dated more people than most of my friends combined and is brilliant at relationship advice. Like, even if is a tiny bit of a fuzzy pattern can we at least show the many exceptions to that?

[@isobel9195]

I think another way we can make disabled representation better is by getting more people Who are disabled behind the screen either writing consulting or creating the projects

[@QuestingRefuge]

Yes! This is essential

[@JackieSmite]

yeah u can really tell autistic weren't really involved in the show.

[@Chitis961]

I'm in with it I volunteer to help write as an ADHD person ASM

[@Paddylol]

I swear it’s literally THAT SIMPLE but like, Hollywood STILL doesn’t understand this?!

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

There should be a series of episodes about 2 or 3 people getting together to "swap infodumps" and show positive things coming out of that.

[@pharoahcaraboo9610]

i worked with a neurodivergent manager and when we were at work and had time, we'd swap infodumps. he'd tell me about his current favorite show, i'd ask questions about it, and then when he was done i'd infodump about my current interest. can't imagine being friends with someone and not being 'allowed' to talk about an interest for more than 3 times. and not even extensively just like, a mention of it.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Swapping info dumps is the best! That's great you had that experience in a work place. Can be hard to find

[@michaellemmen]

Agreed I love swapping info dumps with others.

[@gwendolynsnyder463]

I love giving infodumps. I'm happy my mom lets me give her infodumps when she has time, because nobody else will let me talk about my interests.

[@Randomdudefromtheinternet]

Honestly, this is the kind of relationship I want to have. To intrigue each other with our interests.

[@shibumi-tanuki]

Oh god seeing the way people and especially Paige treated the main character in Atypical, especially with that 3 card rule, made me want to cry. That's simply awful to do to a person-- telling them they're fundamentally wrong and have to change just so everyone else is better off? That's inhumane.

[@foxpro3002]

Its how life is unfortunately.

[@AmeliaBerdel-xv3wp]

You do got a point

[@mariagiuliazanon8564]

I always hated that blondie psycho

[@Fairy_Teeth]

As someone who gets super obsessive with topics I'm passionate about, hearing about the Antarctica card thing in Atypical is awful. It was absolutely break my heart if the people I care about and who are supposed to care about me PENALIZED me for talking about something I love. I will spend hours explaining on of my favorite to my family and it makes me so happy because talking about what I love makes me happy. anyone who would do that to someone who has special interests or anything along those lines is just awful

[@eternallylearning2811]

Let's mention it may end up working or designing something for or having an profession relating to Antarctica in the future so this bitch could be messing with his future job

[@TheBraveAsp]

I know right?!? It already hurts bad enough when someone doesn’t even care, but to pull something like this…

[@RachelJ715]

It kinda seems like ABA

[@raven4090]

@@RachelJ715 That's what was thinking.

[@Felix-Lupin]

I know right?? I got genuinely nauseous hearing that. I'm autistic and thankfully my girlfriend LOVES hearing me go off about my interests, i cant even imagine how viscerally awful it would feel if they had a system in place that *actively penalized me* for it.

[@annaeliasson952]

Thank you. I've been trying to explain to some people in my life why shows like these do real harm. All I get is that I'm too sensitive, and that I can't expect others to tailor the stories they want to tell to suit autistic people, since we're the minority. The stereotypical "white male math genius who doesn't understand feelings" is the main reason I didn't get diagnosed until I was 42. A married mother with a degree in library and information science couldn't possibly be autistic. Now, when I disclose my autism, the stereotype hits again: as soon as I disclose my diagnosis, some people disregard anything I say because "everybody knows that autistic people just don't understand", no matter what we are discussing. It's like I'm not even a real person anymore. It's humiliating, and it makes me anxious to ask for accommodations.

[@QuestingRefuge]

I'm so sorry you experience this. It's all too common. It's so contradictory too! Can't get support because not believed while still wielding the diagnosis as a weapon to dismiss. I hope the diagnosis has helped you in other ways (I know it's been a huge deal for me), and hope you find people who are more worth your time and support you.

[@sapphichorrors]

it never sat right with me that paige would not let sam talk ab his favorite subject.

[@QuestingRefuge]

So messed up!

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

She should have said "I'll listen to you talk about Antarctica for X time, if you will then listen to me talk about what i want for X time."

[@VirusMakerv2]

I did a PowerPoint on Autism Spectrum Disorder for my Psych 101 class a few years ago, and I brought up how cool I thought it was that shows like Atypical exist so that people are given more awareness of these kinds of disabilities, and now I feel really guilty that I didn't even notice all of the normalization of abusive behavior going on in that first season. I'm glad to have someone from the community to point out when I have no idea what I'm talking about, so I don't do more stupid stuff in the future! Great video, thank you!

[@QuestingRefuge]

I don't really think it's your fault for not noticing. And this is what can be so tricky talking about these things, there IS some good in awareness these shows can bring. I really appreciate you sharing this and I think what you bring up is part of why it's so important to center people's experiences when telling stories about them. You can see the show has improved a lot since bringing on autistic writers.

[@jordanmckenziefox7649]

I agree, I didn't like that the abuse is slapped over with an "acceptable " sticker, but as someone who is neuro-atypical, I understand the raw side of it in certain scenes, and it isn't always beautifying or concealing a very real truth that many misunderstood atypicals wind up facing. Edit: to clarify, I am not defending the abuse, but it is an experience atypicals do often have. Maybe not handled best, but I appreciate that they portray poor approaches from neurotypical ppl

[@Alicia-rn8bg]

I mean this shows aren't perfect but are at least are helpful. A little is better than nothing

[@KarlSnarks]

@@QuestingRefuge I don't understand why they didn't do that in the first season, it seems like a no-brainer to me. Most of us neurotypicals (including myself) have a very limited understanding of the inner experience of someone with ASD, so I can't imagine making a show with an autistic character without at least consulting a writer with ASD.

[@markdennison1524]

Keep in mind, that your original conclusion might have been right for many Autistic people. I'm Autistic, and I found nothing wrong with Atypical. Even after hearing the breakdown here, I still don't have any issues with the show. Not only did I find the portrayal of Sam in Atypical quite accurate for me and not offensive, the show helped my family and my wife understand me as well. There were many times while watching that my wife would pause the show and ask me questions which would result in hours of discussion between us before resuming. I guess what I'm saying is it is important to understand that Autism is a spectrum, and I honestly don't believe it is possible that there will ever be a show that everyone in the community would agree that is good.

[@whimsyrosie]

I never liked Paige. I feel like she dated Sam because she had deep control issues and he was someone she could easily control. The show continuously tries to get us to like Paige and to make us feel bad for how she was being treated by Sam, but it was so hard when she was being controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, and abusing Sam.

[@AdbotsStuff]

I’m neurotypical and I can’t imagine having to talk about my favorite things only three times a day. Screw that

[@oyinkansolaadebajo9716]

Hi. So I'm not autistic, but I am disabled and have many friends on the spectrum. This video hit very hard, and it always frustrated me how autistic people were represented. To this day, the only good example I can think of is Entrapta from She-Ra. Also, the three card rule thing made me physically gag. My friends and I are very nerdy, so we talk about our hyper-fixations and special interests all the time, and like, that's ok? I can't imagine just mentioning BATB three times a day. I have 8 different adaptations of the story I'm working on, like??? Honestly, true bs.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Entrapta is one of my favorite examples too! It really is astonishing what will get accepted when you're outside the norm

[@Zvasha]

Entrapta!!!! YES! Love her!

[@benjisaac]

fuck yeah entrapta!! huge fan of her portrayal in shera just fucking nailed it

[@captaingoldenpants1804]

What is BATB?

[@oyinkansolaadebajo9716]

@@captaingoldenpants1804 Beauty and the Beast

[@mammoneymelon]

i was ridiculed for infodumping a lot when i was younger so i kinda just stopped? so hear about the card thing pissed me off to no end. people don't understand how important are spins are to us and how refusing to let someone talk about something because it's "annoying" is literally abuse. i'm at the point where i panic whenever someone wants to talk to me not because of social anxiety, but because i know i'll inevitably let the mask slip a little bit and suddenly i'm weird and annoying. and people wonder why autistic people are way more likely to have comorbid mental illnesses

[@QuestingRefuge]

So important to find people where you don't have to worry about that! As long as I feel safe I mostly just let them think I'm weird and leave. I think of it as a natural filter for me. Don't have spoons to mask all the time.

[@AutisticRebbetzen]

If you are on Facebook, there's a group called A group where we infodump about anything. It is exactly what it sounds like. It's not an exclusively ND group, but I'm pretty sure all of the mods are.

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

Autistics need to get better at finding each other so it is safe to infodump

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

​​@@AutisticRebbetzencalled A Group? Might be into

[@BelBelle468]

Cool to see another ASD PRSK fan lol

[@catz537]

I'll be honest, when you talked about Sam's checklist and his gf making him a "better person," I was hoping you were going to bring up emotional labor and the expectation of women to make their male partners better people. But the thing you actually brought up was also important, and as an autistic person I definitely agree that stopping us from talking about the things we care about is bs

[@QuestingRefuge]

You're absolutely right about that! And I do think many of the tropes with hetero autistic males fall into this putting expectation on women too.

[@catz537]

@@QuestingRefuge Yeah, that wouldn't surprise me!

[@Lag._.]

Paige’s character is disappointing to say the least. I really wish they would have had Sam realize he was being abused and get out of there. The whole card thing and notebook thing just made my skin crawl, but no one inside the show seemed to really bat an eye. In season 2 a character (don’t remember who) mentions to Sam that he found a replacement for his mom in Paige and that he needs to make his own decisions. Outside of saying she is controlling like sams mom they don’t point out how toxic the relationship is between Sam and Paige. The fact that they are still together/friends makes my blood boil. Bailey whatever was better than Paige in my eyes by the end of that season. She doesn’t stop Sam from infodumping, drawing, etc, but she also isn’t willing to admit that she hangs out with Sam or Kisses him (which I honestly don’t know what they were doing when they wrote that). Maybe they wanted to paint her in some weird light as a good person, but she never reaches that inside the show (as far as I know).

[@datissik6216]

Netflix being Netflix, however it was Casey the only one who was able to see how f*cked up his relationship with Paige was, and the one making the comparison with his mom, love her

[@Redem10]

A weird thing I've noticed about Atypical (which I defintiively watched too much of) was how the main character of the first season became more and more out of focus on, while everyone else in the family would get more attention

[@QuestingRefuge]

That's definitely true! The character I find the oddest is how they focus so much on his therapist. With the family I understand more, but something about the focus on the therapist considering his sexual focus on her in S1 feels very weird.

[@Redem10]

​@@QuestingRefuge Yeah, didn't like that plot point at all, I mean I could understand if he had something of a crush or some attraction to her, but he has no real awareness that it would be innapropriate was pretty baffling to me.

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

Yeah i like Casey being ruthlessly honest.

[@haticeebrar8253]

I am not autistic but I do have ADHD and if I was forced to not talk about my hyperfixation more than three times a day I would explode. I cannot get close to anyone if I cant bond over my interests. That's why I am not that close with my mom, she usually doesn't understand what im talking about when for example I go on a rant about why komodo dragons are awesome. She never discourages me from talking or tells me to stop but she is generally disinterested and while I understand that she might not like what I like I still find myself not wanting to talk to her anymore (we are currently trying to find a show or a book we would both enjoy and talk about so we could grow closer, my mom is great). I don't understand why the writers or producers thought this was a good idea to promote. I'm pretty sure even neurotypicals would be upset if they could only talk about their hobbies and interests three times a day. Also on an unrelated note, I love how most of the comments are giant paragraphs ranting and sharing their experiences. It makes me feel seen in an odd way

[@QuestingRefuge]

I'm sorry your mom doesn't seem interested. Sometimes I do have to tell our kids I want to hear about it more at a time where I can focus better (ADHD myself it can be hard to get interested in some moments), but I make sure to follow up on that so they know I really do want to hear it. And yeah, I think in some cases the show is actually trying to show it as a negative but it just lands short due to where they focus. I absolutely love the comments too and feel the same way. Spaces with lots of neurodivergent people are the best!

[@ActualFandom]

Less than a minute in and I'm like "this is so good"

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thanks for all the support! Feels good to be back at it

[@poppyseed7639]

I'm not autistic, but I also found their relationship very abusive. You do not treat a person this way if you like them

[@the.april.]

Last year I suffered an accident and broke my left foot. I had to spend two months seated on my couch, unable to do anything by myself. During this time, I dove deep into my special interests, that being reading and writing. After a few weeks, some of my relatives complained of me being very comfortable with the situation, because everytime they visited me I would talk a lot about all the books I've read and their technical details. My relatives made me feel as if talking about my special interests during a difficult period of my life was a bad thing. I felt guilty for reading and spending time doing what I love, so I stopped talking about it with them.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Wow I'm so sorry! That's really awful anytime but especially while you were recovering. Hope you've found some who are happy to hear you talk passionately.

[@lauren-qb9cf]

No offense but your family are probably just being narcissistic bullies or something. my family are judgemental and mean too. I was accused of things that were not my fault. my wishes were disregarded. and I'm like a prisoner to family. and teachers and staff normalized the problems without any remorse. some people just don't seem to care. Sorry to hear that.

[@artvandelay6711]

@@lauren-qb9cf recess therapy has some videos which might make you laugh or smile while you live with your situation

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

So sorry they reacted like that. I love to read and IMHO it is a great way to deal with not being able to do much. And autistic traits are not "inherently pathological." Shame on them.

[@m-pc5334]

God, that scene you described with sam telling paige how he thinks about penguins to calm himself down made me so angry because of how paige reacted to it. Like wtf went through her mind at that moment? How did she not realize that sam’s special interest is important when he *literally uses it to calm himself down when he’s stressed*? It also kinda makes me feel a bit weird because, ehem, when I made one of my characters for a dnd game, and thought about the pc’s family, I had the idea of writing down a few backstory scripts instances of special interests being used to connect with people. See I pictured in my head that my PC has adhd, and his older sister is autistic. Since the game is in modern day I put some of my likes into the character I play as, and his sister. I made a few short scripts where they’d have really wholesome interactions, or scenes that give off a lot of sibling energy. One of those stories involves the older sister showing support to her bro when he’s had a tough day, and partly communicating it through her favourite video game. Her brother, who has lived under the same roof as her since he was born, understands this and opens up a little. I stopped writing the scene after having the sister ask if he wants to talk. In current game time the brother is a fan of that game series; I also picture him cosplaying as kid cat for halloween, since someone’s gotta accompany his younger siblings. -tangent over I think it’s a waste that they had sam bring up his love for penguins in a way to empathize with paige, but didn’t have her process what that meant or have someone acknowledge that she shouldn’t penalize him for that. Yeah, sure, everyone has different ways to cope with stress, and maybe thinking about penguins won’t help paige. But you can’t just go "there he goes again" when he’s telling you about his own way of coping. I just want to see more of autistic people being allowed to use their special interests to bond with people, get the drive to do certain things, or even grow more mature. It shouldn’t be demonized. The worst way to handle a special interest is to force the person to suppress it, because they’ll just end up talking less, and feeling like they can’t talk much because their special interest may have a loose connection to whatever they wanna talk about. But I guess it’s easier for close minded people to point at the girl who likes pokemon and say she should talk less about what she likes and more about... [they never gave me an alternative lmao]

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you for sharing this! There is a certain irony to how the other characters like Paige don't consider this too while basically treating Sam like he is incapable of thinking of others.

[@m-pc5334]

@@QuestingRefuge Yes exactly! It’s such a double standard- If you’re using something you love to connect with someone you care about, that’s just a normal human thing, as the math equation goes: something you like + someone you like = happy time

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

Yes they should have a show w autistic AND neurotypical youths learning about friendship and dating AND have social coaches to teach ALL of them better ways to relate. Ive known a lot of neurotypicals whose concept of love, friendship, problem solving etc., were corrupted by abuse, neglect, poverty and so on. They may have an advantage at learning better skills on their own, but everyone would benefit from being able to consult mentors who give GOOD advice.

[@madelinevlogs5898]

Wow, I couldn’t even tell that what Paige was doing was wrong. I’m autistic too but I wasn’t diagnosed when I first watched the show. I’m also naive and insecure so I tend to go along with what other people want me to be

[@normalhuman9878]

The way Sam tries to determine if he loves Paige comes across to me more like he’s aromantic. Because aromanticism isn’t very well known, we have expectations that romantic feelings are something everyone has, which leads many aromantic people to try forcing themselves into relationship and trying to force themselves to develop feelings that they simply do not have

[@QuestingRefuge]

That's a great point!

[@TheAIKnowledgeHub]

I have to say this highly highly relates to workplace harassment. And possibly one of the reasons why only 12% of us make enough to be independent or only 15% of us with college degrees actually are able to find a job. Like asking around, the abuse in work places is a major factor which hurts people and in studies the majority of us don't think we will able to ever retire. Mostly due to us not being able to keep a job or kept being pushed down to lower end jobs even if we are far more qualify for higher end jobs.

[@QuestingRefuge]

That's true! Like a different form of exploitation.

[@gwendolynsnyder463]

oof. I made the experience that I got sick and tired of working in a warehouse, so I applied to get my A grade. Well, while the psychiatrists had no right to tell me no, because my grades were good enough, these "psychiatrists" , kept telling me "Oh no hun, stay in the warehouse, it's best for you.^^" , and "Oh no hun, you'll struggle here, it's easier to stay in the warehouse." WTF?! I already know what job I want, I need an A grade for that. I'm glad the psychiatrists had no right to get me rejected, but them basically trying to talk pursuing a further career outta me just because I have Autism. I was so damn pissed, I'm glad I kept my shit together, but I vented to my mom and my online friends about this. Btw, I'm still pursuing that A grade. And the best thing is, I want to show these "psychiatrists" the middle finger this way.

[@kirjom2505]

It's a sad truth that autistic people and other disabled people are in higher risk to be the victims of domestic abuse.

[@Irrlichtwinter]

That currency-for-talking-about-antarctica thing is so close to something that was done to me by a friendgroup as a young teenager, this kind of thing can do so much damage. I had to meet a point total on how often I smiled, how I dressed and how I acted, and I'm still struggeling with the consequences and experiences of that mistreatment over ten years later. It isn't nice to see something like that portrayed even in a neutral way (not to speak of giving it a positive, 'it improves you' slant). It might be that for many film makers, it is easier to identify with the (non-disabled) parents and peers of disabled people, thus creating narratives that reinforce those perspectives. Which is quite sad. (Also, what the heck was that whole "taking a card from him after he tried to cheer her up with penguins" nonsense? Who would not be cheered up by penguins? Except maybe HP Lovecraft, and even he had to admit that penguins aren't that bad, in the end.)

[@danielbergonzi7319]

They ALL think we're mild sociopaths.🚫That's why our lives aren't valued.⚡

[@QuestingRefuge]

And ya know the thing is the way people use "sociopath=bad" is awful too. There's a trend of just using medical terms to demonize people

[@andromeda_va39]

I already hesitate to talk about my main special interest because I don't want to be bullied. I love My Hero Academia so much, to the point where I analyze the themes and characters and try to apply them to real life. The series is so interesting from my point of view. I quickly saw parallels between myself and Midoriya, what with his personality and his struggles of being quirkless. Even after getting a quirk, he wasn't quite "normal," as he struggled to use it for the longest time, and still hasn't fully mastered it. I could go on about Toga's backstory for a while, too. Her quirk gave her an unusual fascination with blood, and everyone was so freaked out by it. In the manga, her parents took her to a counselor who basically just told her to mask constantly. Eventually she couldn't take the pressure anymore. She snapped and killed a classmate, and that's how she became a villain. It was honestly kind of scary seeing her past, because it felt like looking into an alternate world where I never got the support I needed. It's not just characters, either. There's a theme of not overworking yourself, which is something I have a tendency to do. I tend to push myself until I get everything done, even if I'm getting exhausted, but the long-term consequences of that sort of behavior are shown multiple times throughout MHA. From All Might's injury making him only able to work for a few hours a day, to Midoriya pushing himself too hard and collapsing during training, and especially the Villain Hunt arc, we see that whole it's good to do your best, it's also important to stop and take care of yourself. Seeing heroes like Endeavor helped me understand the controversy surrounding law enforcement. Before he gets his character arc, he's a selfish hero who only saves people for the sake of money and fame. He doesn't really care about the people. This helped me understand how people have started to view police. I'm not taking a side on this, nor am I going to discuss/argue about it. I'm just stating a parallel that I noticed between MHA and real-life current events. TL;DR My Hero Academia is my special interest and I really like sharing my thoughts on it, but I don't want to get bullied.

[@QuestingRefuge]

I LOVE hearing people talk passionately about something. Speaking of which you've reminded me of one more show I really want to watch haha

[@synkieagda7620]

I do the same! It's such a good show, of course you want to analyse it! I also do it with a lot of other media. It help me connect more to my sister (I was already close to her but even more now) and some characters help me in many way. It's so relaxing to analyse thing like that!

[@aliminator1310]

I understand this COMPLETELY. I am a Thomas SUPER FAN, but few people actually know this because I didn't want them to think I was immature. (Not to mention Mattel's treatment of the brand, as well as the whole "Thomas is creepy" argument.) Even now, as I've grown up and found other interests, I still love the show and talk about it with my parents and older siblings, but not my friends. (Like I HAD any to begin with.)

[@turtleboy1188]

I want to bully you

[@wolfiethehedgehog3900]

As a fellow individual with autism, I'm the same way towards the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise. The way you described it being integrated into your life and how it influenced you is remarkably alike to my own experience and how I see the world. Of course, many people are considered "too old" to like media aimed toward a younger audience. Despite me not having much knowledge about MHA (though I've heard mention of it by name before from friends who like it), your explanation helped clear up to me why those such as yourself enjoy it, as I didn't understand what made it so appealing at first glance. As someone who has limited interests, I think this gave me the curiosity to check it out further. Take care. =)

[@ethantay4630]

Feels like these stories And a lot of media interpreting autism , prove to adults that autistic , or any other person whose disabled are problems , and that it’s our job to fix them…even if they don’t see it that way . It’s …honestly cruel

[@paladinjones1833]

I hope that the future brings more scriptwriters (artists, animators, etc) who have disabilities. There are interesting and important stories, and they deserve to be well told.

[@QuestingRefuge]

We have probably missed out on so many amazing stories! Hoping with you this changes

[@vsa_pieldepapel]

This is very difficult, big industry is basically innavigable for people with disabilities as it is very demanding of both social connections and workload. My process with diagnosis basically buried my dreams of every working at a big media studio. You have better chances of finding this types of narratives in smaller, indie spaces. As this is the kind of places we can better navigate. If you read stories like the insane workload in the Toy Story 2 production cycle when most files were lost, it’s easy to see how someone who feels fatigue or needs space to their own or needs 8 hours to sleep to function will never cope with that environment.

[@gwendolynsnyder463]

@@vsa_pieldepapel seriously, I get better Autism Representation with Genshin Impact than with most media about Autistic people. Because there are several characters in Genshin Impact who actually act Autistic, without being officially Autistic, but it's still good Autism representation, because those characters actually express Autistic personalities.

[@fieryrebirth]

@@QuestingRefuge Imo, it's important for those on the spectrum as well as those not to understand autism. Thankfully, this seems to be a developing trait for autistic adults that are well-adjusted and develop more self-awareness,(that and a strong sense of justice). I have been able to recognize "autistic traits" in directors and even characters where autism isn't wholly "seen" or mentioned. For example: the nerdy guy who accompanies Will Smith's character in Independence Day expresses recognizable autistic traits. Steven Spielberg expresses autistic traits and even faults in his work that one can expect from someone not wholly attuned with neurotypical society but is still passionate and skilled in what he does. When there is less ignorance and more recognition, we can get better representation. Neurotypical society is still profoundly ignorant of autism.

[@skiethefolf8247]

As an autistic, It feels weird that at the age of 17, my mom was already thinking of houses I should move into when I graduated (just graduated) at the age of 18. Yes, being told that I'm not wanted in my mom's house before I even graduated or become an adult.

[@vurrunna]

I think the biggest issue that's rarely if ever addressed (at least in my experience) is just how _alienating_ it feels to be autistic. You're surrounded by people who act and think completely differently from you, and who borderline demand that you act the same, or else you'll be ridiculed and rejected. I spent most of my high school years genuinely worried that I might be insane or psychopathic because I didn't think or feel the same way people around me did. Even as someone who received supports from a young age, I was always being instructed on how to control and regulate myself, how to suppress my behavior and mind and essentially "fix" myself to fit the mold. It's like being stuck on an alien planet. Everyone around you speaks a different language that you can barely comprehend. You're expected to learn that language, and to speak it fluently, while virtually nobody will even attempt to try and learn your language. No one understands you. You're alone and afraid and terrified that if you ever let your true self out, they'd all reject you. Because they will. You'll talk too long about your silly story and see their eyes gloss over before they rudely change the subject. You'll ask for a particular accommodation and they'll get aggravated and ask why you can't just handle it on your own like everyone else. You'll release some corner of your true personality and they'll laugh at how weird your thinking is. They don't mean to hurt you. But they do. The thing that changed for me was that I finally hit a point where I realized that I was so incredibly miserable that my only options were radical change or death. So, I changed course. The specifics are a bit much to describe here-suffice to say, I stopped masking nearly as much as I used to, and started willfully bashing against social norms in favor of my own mental health, insofar as I knew was justified (I still tried to avoid negatively affecting others wherever possible). The initial response from my family was disappointingly negative-during my transitionary period into fully embracing my autistic mind, I had several people that were very close to me say very hurtful things, some of which we still haven't really worked out. But, over time, people adjusted. They came to accept that this is who I am, and that frankly, there are a lot of benefits to it-I don't get needlessly upset over insignificant things, I can focus and complete tasks better, and, most importantly, I am so, so much happier than I used to be. I was fortunate to have friends and family who love and support me. But not everyone has that. And I think it's important for autistics to know that, not only are you not alone, but you're not weird. I always say that, to us autistic folks, we're the normal ones while everyone else is weird, what with their indiscernible social rules and refusal to accept logical responses. But when you're not able to see that there are people out there who think _exactly_ the way that you do, it feels maddening. That's why autistic representation is so important. In a world where people call our condition a disease and would rather see us dead than accept who we are, it's so, so important to know that that's not right. We deserve to be who we are, and to let our minds exist in the way they were made to. And for the love of all that is holy, DON'T LET NEUROTYPICALS WRITE OUR STORIES. You don't know the pain and misery that is being raised in even a loving NT home as an ND unless you've experienced it first hand. The suffering of NT providers is nothing compared to the living hell of the NDs who feel their constant judgement and resentment, despite their every attempt to conform. Anywho. That's just my some of my thoughts. There's scores more I could say (I probably deleted enough to double the length of this comment already; one of the many joys of how my mind thinks), but I think I've said most of what I want. This is mostly just me venting my own frustration, as well as trying to give a word of hope to anyone in a similar situation I've gone through: You're not alone. There are people here who are just like you, many of whom want nothing more than to help you grow and understand who you are and what your place in this world is. Stay strong, and keep fighting the good fight.

[@Vinc3mint]

As someone who's autistic and lost all my friends due to my infodumping (never realised it annoyed them until they straight up told me they ignored me whenever I talked) the relationship with Page and Sam instantly set off the worst feelings. I stopped watching very shortly after 😅 I hope they addressed how abusive that relationship was.

[@emilyperrett6648]

Watch a show called Heartbreak High instead. That show explores abusive relationships with an autistic protagonist only the actress is actually autistic and also was a consultant on the show

[@aylintemiz5313]

I honestly think that Abed Nadir from Community is a great charcter when it comes to autism representation in media. I mean, sure, the show is a comedy therefore it will not handle topics in the same light as dramas do and the show is not perfect. However, I think that they really did justice when it came to Abed's arcs and character. Firstly I'd like to point out how amazing the episode 2X11 works. In it Abed has a mental breakdown because his mother who always visits him for Christmas and they have a routine, tells him that she can't come. And the whole episode is done from Abed's perspective, actually giving him a voice. And while some of the characters are fed up with his "episode" or when the psychiatry proffessor simply listens to "study his brain" he still has characters who stay there for him and accept him just as he is instead of trying to fix him. Usually in media people try to fix autistic characters or they are simply there to provide a joke (like Sheldon). Abed also expresses in season 1 that he dated before and has no problem dating when other characters think that he will never date because of his autism. And in general, he isn't treated like character that others need to fix and we also see things from his POV quite a lot. (I can add that the only time when anyone tried to "fix" him was when he went bankrupt because of his hyperfixation on renting actors in one episode and he was in debt.) Anyways, for me he was a really fresh example of autism representation in media. Maybe some others can also feel that way and I'd definitely reccommend season 2 episode 11 as it really warmed my heart when I first saw it.

[@QuestingRefuge]

I've been meaning to check that show out for this reason! I've heard some of the background too that Abed was somewhat based on the writer Dan Harmon who didn't realize he was autistic at the time of writing. When the autistic community connected with Abed that led to Dan Harmon finding out he was autistic which I thought was really cool!

[@anthonyscarborough3813]

I’m autistic, and I have to say I’m a little conflicted. When I was a kid, I had therapy to help me better read and understand social cues, as well as being taught techniques to help me control my stims. I know that some people might consider these to be masking techniques, but far from being abused, in retrospect, I feel that this these skills have greatly benefited me, as they have allowed me to make wonderful friends, and be very successful in my professional life. On the other hand, I can see how forcefully repressing autistic behaviors and thought processes can be traumatic and abusive for many people with ASD, just like repressing a queer sexuality or gender identity can be traumatic. So, I’m wondering, especially if I have ever have kids with ASD, how do I strike the balance between helping them succeed in the world while also not causing psychological harm?

[@QuestingRefuge]

For me the importance is centering the child. It would be like going to therapy. If it is forced upon you, it's very different from saying you want help with something and being shown skills you have a choice to use. There's nothing wrong with learning skills for some situations. But how they are taught can completely change how healthy it is. This can be tricky though because being outside the norm can lead to wanting to change self for unhealthy reasons.

[@Chan-qk9eh]

I mean, its important to learn social skills and coping mechanisms. Like not everyone likes being ranted to for an hour. But they cant be taught as in ‘hey, just stop rambling, noone cares’. Its all about how its taught, like autism creates beautiful and unique traits, but with those traits also comes some that arent so good. The trick is to teach that theres a time and place for everything. Like i struggle with social awareness and rambling. I have a friend tgat doesnt mind my rambles, but i still need to learn how to control myself and be aware of peoples reactions cuz i can get interesting, but also boring. I just need to realize which parts of me arent perfect yet and make others genrrally uncomfortable, even when their intentions are pure.

[@eternallylearning2811]

Oh fuck that if they don't respect your basics don't respect theres

[@TheFranchiseCA]

Masking techniques taught so we can manage our social interaction is good. Teaching them so we're not "annoying" is bad. The line there isn't always clear, of course.

[@felixoupopote]

Yeah, that must have been nice. It's much worse being thrashed into changing your behaviours but with no guidance.

[@nightgarla]

the antarctica cards thing is so horrrible and tbh humiliating bc a lot of autistic ppl already feel ashamed for infodumping too much, ik if someone did that to me i would just never talk to them about any of my interests again

[@froggyplushy6540]

I have autism, and I often take care of my little brother who also has autism. I'm very quiet and he's very loud, but despite that we are very close. He likes to say we're "10 years apart twins!" It's awful watching my parents get mad at him for having communication issues, but because of my own issues I can't help him in the moment. All I can do is comfort him afterwards. He's trying his best, but nobody else thinks it's enough.

[@kieranwhitford]

You're being a great sibling to your younger brother. Keep strong! You're both not alone!

[@DrAnarchy69]

I can completely relate to not being able to express my autistic special interest. Wigs have been an autistic special interest for at least a decade for me. It’s taken me until really the last year (not coincidentally realizing I’m queer helped) to let myself just talk about wigs. I purposefully don’t associate with people who won’t let me talk constantly on my autistic special interests (broadly speaking Anarchism and wigs). I totally understand people not wanting to put up with me like that but I am not guilty in feeling the need to find (and I have found many) people who are down talking with me about wigs and anarchism. They are my friends and they are amazing. I know from personal experience how not being able to talk about your autistic special interests is very much mental torture. As a fellow autistic named Sam, I totally empathize.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Exactly! Have to find people where we can be ourselves

[@OzCroc]

Wigs? Like the hair wigs?

[@gwendolynsnyder463]

same with me and goth clothing. Unfortunately, my current job contains so much physical labour, that I can't wear blouses at work, even tho I really love blouses. But that'll change in September, when I finally start only studying, and can finally wear a blouse, which I like.

[@TheFranchiseCA]

Online communities are great for this sort of thing. There are a lot of people who have the same interests, even if it's not even 1/10,000 of the general population.

[@twistysunshine]

"You're a better person for not talking about your interests" that put a bad taste in my mouth. It's the smallest shitty thing in media mentioned in the video, but it feels like a building block for in general treating autistic people worse

[@QuestingRefuge]

Sometimes those small things really do highlight the core building blocks of how groups can be oppressed

[@mansoorkemal7588]

The more I learn about autism and my disability the more I am willing to grow up and start making steps to become successful

[@QuestingRefuge]

It helps so much! Learning my limitations as well as advice from the community has been a huge help for me

[@yazmina2031]

I remember watching Atypical and thinking how weird it was that Paige was making Sam pay with the cards, I’m glad I’m not the only one that’s thought it was weird.

[@nerdymaple2637]

5:43 That reminds me so much about how my mom reacts to anything autistic I do. I have aspergers, so it makes it hard to ocmmunicate and understand people, which often causes stress. My mom hates it when I have any negative emotion at all, especially when it's directly caused by my aspergers. Whenever I'm sad, scared, angry, etc, she always starts getting mad and screaming at me to stop being unhappy, which obviously makes the situation worse. When this happens, it always escalates. She'll even threaten to put me in a mental hospital and say other terrible things that she would rather put up with than me just because I'm crying out of fear for her. To anyone (especially parents) out there that have to deal with an autistic person on a normal basis, just be pateint when they're having a meltdown. I know this may not work for everyone, but for me, just leaving me alone is all I need to calm down. Just as some general advice to dealing with someone else having a meltdown: don't yell at them, call them names, make threats, compare their meltdown to a temper tantrum, force them to stay near you despite you being the main thing that's causing the meltdown, tell them that there is something horribly wrong with them, or try to force them on medication when all they need is to be treated like a human being for 10 minutes. I never thought I would have to say these things that seem like common sense to people, but as evident by my mom, some people apparently think it's ok to do all of these things to an autistic person.

[@QuestingRefuge]

I'm so sorry you've experienced that. You're absolutely right. I think some parents feel uncomfortable and don't know what to do and react this way. It's not right, and it's making you responsible for their emotions. You don't deserve that.

[@felixoupopote]

Wow, in a sea of people who have no idea how comparatively good they've had it, here's someone who has genuinely suffered.

[@misspinkpunkykat]

I never understood why Sam let Paige boss him around about his special interests in the first place. I guess maybe having sex is a bigger special interest to him than penguins or Antarctica. But then I hated that show. Sam's turtle was the only likeable character. I'm autistic myself and telling me I can't talk about my special interests is fightin' words. They should have had Sam dump Paige for an autistic girl who was also interested in penguins (or at least birds). But then IDK, I never liked shows about human beings or relationships and am asexual (possibly demi, but I'm not going to give up my entire life to make someone like me so that they will have sex with me).

[@QuestingRefuge]

So many things they could have done that would have been better. Gotta agree turtle was pretty likable though

[@QuestingRefuge]

And how I'd love to see an asexual autistic character!

[@misspinkpunkykat]

@@QuestingRefuge I just remembered, I think he's a tortoise.

[@dinorancher5560]

You have put into words all my frustrations with these shows. Thank you for making this.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you! It means a lot to know it resonates with others from the community. 💜✊

[@RandomSkyeRoses]

I think that shows solely centered around disability and mental illness shouldn't exist. Instead write other plots and write a disabled or mentally ill character who exists within that show or movie

[@eu3801]

Great video! I’ve heard about Atypical and was curious about it but I heard a few things about how they’re doing the representation wrong so didn’t watch it at the end. Now I know that it is actually bad... I’ve always had a problem with shows where the autistic character knowing how to act more ‘normal’ is considered character development. I knew about the abuse autistic people get from people close to them in real life (and can sometimes notice it too, how people always emphasise with the non-autistic people in the situations instead... I always want to tell people that if they think the non-autistic person is having a hard time, it’s probably even harder for the autistic person) but I haven’t watched a lot of shows that is focused on the main character being autistic, so I had no idea about them normalising abuse like that. Glad I watched this. And I also love when you bring in other issues and topics into videos, like the problem with the autistic character always being a white cishet boy or how the processes for disabled people to get decent care are very flawed.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you so much! It means a lot you notice those extra issues mentioned too!

[@MrMooAndMoonSquirrelToo]

Thanks for spreading awareness, man. The misinformation regarding autism in media is part of what prevented me from looking to get diagnosed until now. My assessment is this coming Monday. Sucks pretty bad knowing something is seriously wrong and not being able to express it properly to professionals. Also sucks to have to relearn who I fundamentally am from the ground up because I've been masking subconsciously, even when I'm alone, for over 20 years.

[@louisbrasil4090]

Damn I remember watching the first episodes of Atypical and hating it with a burning passion. But I barely remember how abusive Paige treatment of Sam with the cards was. There is no redeeming circumstances to this. It's downright cruel and ableist. Page acts like ABA (Autistics conversion)therapist using compliance training to make him less Autistic. If I could jump in the show I would tell her to fuck off, that she does not deseve to be close to any autistic boyfriends and tell Sam he deserves better. I know this sounds abrasive AF but that's how I deal with ableist things I can't take anymore.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Completely understandable. It's exhausting

[@CosmicBumblebee]

I am autistic and personally liked Aytipical so far compared to most other shows/films which have disabled/people on the specrtrum in it. There were of course a few things I didn't like, how Paige constatnly tries to change Sam/"cure him" and tell him to stop when he's talking about something he likes etc, I relate with this in ways, even though I don't talk a lot. I do wish that Hollywood would add more variety to their spectrum characters as we are not all emotionless, "robotic" super intelligent beings, sure those kind of traits might apply to some, but not all. I personally have been labelled as emotionless which I feel I understand, I am not super intelligent and have never really got into dating or romantic relationships and I am also queer, possibly ace /and aromantic (Apologies to those who don't like this word, I feel it fits with me for now while I'm still figuring things out, there are also various connections between the autism spectrum and the LGBTQ+ community).

[@QuestingRefuge]

As the show went on I definitely enjoyed a lot more of it. I definitely went in expecting the typical awful tropes and overall found some of those but also things I loved. I still need to check out the final season at some point. I definitely think the main problem is the lack of variety than most specific shows. Thanks for the lovely comment and good luck exploring your identity! I've found it very freeing to do so and realizing it will likely continue to change since our understanding of ourselves will always keep evolving too.

[@thema1998]

This doesn't have much to do with "Atypical". Unlike a lot of other autistic people, I don't really like to infodump. That's because I *suck* at explaining things! It doesn't help that I stutter and mumble all the time. I mostly have to engage in small talk. ☹️

[@QuestingRefuge]

Do you think you'd like it if you felt you could explain better and people understood you better? Obviously completely fine if you just don't like it though! I think I've only gotten a little better at explaining things because I like to infodump and talk haha! It used to be very few could understand me because I'd talk very fast and mumble as well. I still have to purposely try to slow myself down. Being able to edit and have multiple takes helps a lot!

[@thema1998]

@@QuestingRefuge Small talk is easier for me to deal with. I'm able to somewhat express myself quicker.

[@hareiiza]

I love this show but I also was disgusted by some of the hurtful things in it. We need better representation. Not only would people be more educated if we had better representation, but we also would feel more understood and accepted.

[@ForgeMondes]

Thank you SOOOO much for putting words into the awkward feeling I was having with this show. I dont even want to watch the last season even if I enjoyed the first part of the show because now is focusing on the sisters sexuality and the TERRIBLE relationship of the parents. It's ok to talk about this issues in media, dont get me wrong. But what about Sam? What about his development besides him wanting a relationship? Is not the only thing a person is concerned in adolescence (whether in the spectrum or not). And regarding Page, thanks to your analysis now I can understand why I hate her so much: because what she is doing is not "loving" him. She is trying to turn him, without realizing, into her idealized relationship. And it's ok to talk about how one can do harm to others or be manipulative in shows and media, it does happen in our daily lives and is good to raise awareness. But What. About. Sam!? When I met my husband we were at university, we became friends and in the first week we met he wanted to make clear that he was autistic. Like, if I was going to reject him at least it could be in the beginning of our friendship. That's frigging sad. He had lived so much rejection through his life. I started asking him a lot of questions about autism, where could I find reliable info and what was it like for him to be autistic. I was honestly curious and wanted to know him better. Heck, he even introduced me to his group of friends, the "Lunatics" as they called themselves because they were the ones publishing the magazine of the same name on the university to raise awareness about autism. Never have I ever encountered a group of friends so straight forward and honest. They were just themselves, sometimes arguing like any group of friends, but they had a beautiful sense of camaraderie and acceptance, and when one felt overwhelmed they were just there to listen or guide him/her to find professional help. All the prejudices I had been taught about autism felt one by one, but there's something important here: -Even if I was willing to learn and accept them, even if one of my principles is to be kind and open to every human being, my learned prejudices and preconceptions still showed sometimes and I said awful things - I was not a hero or some kind of saint for "hanging out with the weird kids of the campus". Sometimes I underestimated my husband's ability to deal with a situation because he was autistic, and It hurted him and I had to say sorry and correct that behavior. Paige on the opposite is not shown to have any understanding of how her behavior hurts Sam. -When we started dating, we talked about our goals and what kind of life were we working for individually to see if we could share the road on a longterm relationship. And my family was so "afraid" for ME. They liked him a lot, but it meant that I could never have children with him (?!) because it was almost sure that our child will be autistic. And I said those same awful words to him. I hurted him BADLY, I regretted badly. And from then on I chose to reject those prejudices. If we were going to be in a longterm relationship we had to be authentic, and from what I had learned with him and his friends, I noticed how the notion of "autism" meant fear, burden for the parents, bad experiences for the children and inability to be a normal family for a lot of people, even my parents. For me, after learning from their experiences, it was just being human and learning to cope with the individual difficulties each one had. And even after 6 years together and getting married, my mom was pretty concerned about us conceiving, insisting even weather I was taking the pill or not (I dont like it for personal reasons). But now that we are waiting for our baby girl to be born, she has finally come to terms that we are not letting preconceptions about autism decide our lives or our relationship. And of course, a lot of that acceptance and openness comes also from my mother-in-law, since she taught me to let go of those stupid stereotypes and fears and gave courage to correct my family with knowledge and setting a good example. I'm not expecting praise for that, I was as awful as Paige in many aspects and I learned to truly understand and respect my husband for who he is. And he is NOT his condition. I expect that future shows focus on how the person in the spectrum feels, and how is our mentality of "fixing " someone the reason behind our toxic behavior, intended or not. There is still work to do in matters of representation, hoping it will get better and better. I'm sorry for the super long text. I have never shared this and hope my experience can be helpful or inspiring for someone in some way. I wish you all a nice life.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you so much for sharing this. It's always nice to hear a story of someone's experience from the other side. I am grateful to have my wife who learned about this with me. It's powerful you own how messy that process of learning is too. 💜 I'm really happy for you both and sorry you've had to deal with that prejudice from your family. I hope they come along and become more accepting. Wishing you and your husband the best!

[@ForgeMondes]

@@QuestingRefuge They have :) thank goodness. And thanks to you too. I just showed the channel to my husband and he just loved it. Thanks for your content and hard work behind it.

[@Emileigggggh]

HYPE i haven't watched it yet but al gore's rhythm demands a sacrifice

[@QuestingRefuge]

Appreciated! Will be really curious about your thoughts when you get a chance!

[@justarabbit4507]

A very good Greek mosty comedic serie i watched recently has a female protagonist who had an accident and now she is in a wheelchair. On some episodes we see Stella, the main character who started living with her parents again bc of the accident. She's called a "hero" and a "fighter" by the media, the people around her even though she's just existing, She struggles with housing bc in Greece you need to live with someone who can help you (parents, nurses, siblings etc) if you're disabled and she explores her sexuality as a disabled woman. This serie breaks every taboo that existed in greek tv. A disabled woman who explores herself, her gay friend and his gay demisexual boyfriend, her female friend who struggles with depression, sexuality and the parents' side that's struggling to accept that Stella is now handicapped. The series name is "sta 4" from ANT1+ i recommend watching!

[@costelinha1867]

So let me get it straight, one of the ways Paige makes Sam a better person... is by... effectively punishing him for talking about his special interest? Like I get sometimes not wanting to talk to an autistic person about their interest, just not being as interested as he is, or just wanting to change subject. But activelly forcing him to pay up a currency everytime he talks about his special interest? WHAT THE FUCK?! Do you have any idea how hard it can be for autistic people to not talk about their interest some times? Do you know how hard I must contain myself to not find an excuse to insert Doctor Who into this comment, even though I literally just failed at doing so right now?

[@rayce8418]

Person with some form of ASD here. I've never watched either of these shows but this hit me hard. The abusive behavior you described is sickening, and these shows supposedly passing it off as normal is angering. This video also reminds me of my own experiences in the past. My parents pulled me out of school in 3rd grade because of unfair punishments as well as constant verbal abuse from my aides, and in general the school system refusing to properly accommodate me. I was homeschooled ever since, and I can only imagine what I might've endured had my parents not done that. Later, In my mid-late teens I ended up in a very toxic friendship with someone online, same with another friend of mine who's also ND. The toxic friend would often verbally abuse us, gaslight us and manipulate us into starting shit with other people for no reason, and while I don't know for sure, I have my suspicions that he also insulted my ND friend for his sexuality. He'd always convince us that we still needed him and that nobody else liked us or cared about us. This went on for about three or four years. It wasn't until I joined and started hanging out with a different online group that I began to realize what I was going through, and not long after me and my ND friend ghosted the toxic friend and never looked back. I'm 24 now. I still struggle with my disability and with poverty but I think I'm in a much better spot emotionally now than I was back then.

[@mirkohoble]

God! We need to fix so many things in society...

[@QuestingRefuge]

We really do

[@Jbolt1774]

I knew of so many people calling me “exhausting” for information dumping and at one point my ex would tell me to stop gushing about my hobbie to her to the point where she would threaten to break up with me seeing this in media just makes me so angry

[@QuestingRefuge]

Wow! I'm so sorry. Glad they're an ex

[@AsronomyMoe]

This happens in books, too. I just had to read The Kiss Quotient for a class and it has similar problems. And it was written by an autistic author, too! It felt like a bit of a betrayal.

[@wriggleby]

THANK YOU - it's not that we don't feel emotions we just don't express them in the same way!! Neurotypical directors/writers never seem to understand that!

[@SovereignExile]

I don't know if you already covered this, but the fact that "high support" and "low support" exists makes me feel like I'm not autistic. I recently got diagnosed with ASD, mostly with behaviors that are related to ADHD and Asperger's. I wouldn't have known if it wasn't for the fact that I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and that all my behaviors growing up were because of my autism. I grew to normalize my behaviors as neurotypical, and held myself to the standards of neurotypical people who have an easier time of doing things. Because of media portrayal of Autism as this all encompassing stereotype (The Good Doctor/Big Bang Theory), I didn't think I lived with ASD. It still kinda stings I didn't know sooner. I wouldn't be so set back in life if that were the case.

[@QuestingRefuge]

This is definitely a huge problem. I'm glad you have that information now, but I think many people can relate to you (including me) getting diagnosed so late

[@silvanalucas6403]

I'd hate to hang out with somebody especially romantically who makes me pay a token for talking about my special interest. If somebody is so annoyed with me talking about something I like maybe they shouldn't be around me it shouldn't be a problem problem that somebody like something. Not to mention that thing they like is a part of them you have to accept it. If you're so annoyed with somebody for just being who they are it's better to leave the situation then expect them to change when they don't want to and they don't really need to

[@fluffyworm]

It's sad how neurotipicals blame us autistic people for our behaviour. We might be the problematic ones often for our relatives but hiding who we are is draining and hard. It does more bad than good for us. When we have a meltdown and people treat us as emotionally unstable freaks or have a problem with how we communicate. Most people juge without trying to understand and reflect. That's why it's important that especially NT's know why we react, behave this way.

[@sweesbees]

this video is good! i’m so glad about the use of identity first language the downside is it reminds me of how much the world hates us. i didn’t even know we had a day of mourning until this video. but it’s important for people who aren’t disabled to learn. they are killing us. they need to stop.

[@QuestingRefuge]

I know sometimes it's really hard to confront, we have a long long way to go

[@smellprophet6606]

I think deep down Paige really did or still does love Sam, and he also loves her, of course she also has a lot of issues that she should’ve worked in in the series, but I think the redeeming part about Paige, atleast for me, was when she screamed at everyone for writing mean things about Sam in his yearbook, she didn’t care if she embarrassed herself she was just angry at how they treated him. Maybe part of the reason that scene was so special to me, was that growing up I also never had anyone who would stick up for me apart from my mom

[@johnoconnell5004]

I'm autistic and my special interests are Transformers and Batman. But I never thought of autism representation in media being done right until now.

[@gwendolynsnyder463]

Now I at least know what to say when someone says "AuTiStIc PeOpLe HaVe No EmOtIoNs" , which is: "It seems like you have no empathy for Autistic people."

[@fieryrebirth]

Yes, this is known as projection. Arguably, neurotypical people are more likely to have no empathy, because society values having as little empathy as possible -- or least understanding of it.

[@erindunn6689]

As a person with autism, I’m just going to say that if the person I was interested in, let alone dating, tried to pull something like what Paige did with Sam on me, I’d probably dump them on the spot. You either put up with my love of classic anime the same way I put up with your interests, or I’ll just find someone else who will.

[@kolyoutube8674]

I hate it when youtube skips ahead a couple of seconds in videos that are trying to say something and then the couple of seconds they skip doesn't have anything harmful in it. 5:00 5:11

[@QuestingRefuge]

Do you have an extension or something you're using? I've never heard of this before

[@kolyoutube8674]

@@QuestingRefuge I'm on mobile and I don't have any extensions

[@QuestingRefuge]

@@kolyoutube8674 interesting! I've just never heard of it trying to skip specific things before

[@ANT-ej8ob]

Being autistic myself, All of these things went WAAAAAAAY over my head!, I need to rewatch this show!

[@RemnantCult]

This was pretty tough to watch. Like, shit, I hate to say it but I've seen bits and pieces of this in my own life. I didn't ask for any of this. I'm older and more aware but I wish I knew these things as a kid. I always thought I was in the wrong.

[@seejendo3290]

More. Please. Keep going. This is really good commentary, and an important conversation.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you! There will definitely be more

[@davyhotch]

Criminally underviewed channel, thanks for the analysis. another season is just out and I'm trying to weigh if I want to see it, just to have more of a clue how allistics see us, against all the spoons it will use.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you! Debating looking into it myself and reviewing how it ended up.

[@internetmonkey8326]

Hi I’m a 12 year old with high functioning autism and I agree with about all the things you have said. In real life, I can do things like science, physics, classic literature, music, and martial arts and self defence. but one thing I really struggle with is math, I barely get through my tests at school. I can do the basics in math wich is what your average Joe needs to survive like multiplication division subtraction addition I understand the metric system and I know a little good deal of fractions. I have 3 things I’m really passionate about that I know about a ton and I can talk for hours about, languages, philosophy, and genetics. I am just about completely normal of course I have some social problems and I am a bit more prone to sensory overload then most others but I think most of that is common with smart people autistic or not. The kind I have is Asperger’s.

[@angelina9345]

This is a great video. Personally, I would love to see Hollywood move Away from the idea that all disabled/neurodiverse people are white, straight, cis, men. I'm a woman with cerebral palsy who is also gay, and I don't think I have ever seen an expericnce portrayed like mine on tv

[@RowenaSnow-px3jg]

Info dumps. Its great to find someone who shares communication style/ interests. One of my friends shares my interest in mythology and fantasy movies and we have a lot of fun having "geek girl" conversations.

[@Daxter609]

I'm autistic and watching the show Atypical I didn't like Paige I always felt like she was too controlling and now that you went more in-depth it makes even more sense to me. Paige likely sees Sam as someone that is easy to control so that is why she chose him as a boyfriend since most NT guys would not put up with her behavior.

[@lauren-qb9cf]

you should watch Yahhanna 82.

[@spruce8611]

I saw this movie that had the MC use a rubber band held around their wrist hurt themselves whenever they do something bad. Like, do you want to spread the message that autistic people should harm themselves when we do something bad.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Wow, that sounds terrible. I don't understand how people think we should treat people that way. Even dog training has evolved past that nonsense.

[@chantelcuddemi7646]

As a blind person, we're not represented well in media either. We're either seen as bad, or in need of pity. It's sad.

[@hellogoodbye4402]

Atleast theirs daredevil, if that counts.

[@Lag._.]

I just finished watching season two of Atypical and I can’t say how much I agree with your points. The show feels like it misleads the audience for entertainment value, and makes the whole “getting a relationship” and “being normal” to much of a focus. Sam sees (in the grand scheme) no real focus even when he is said to be the main character. It’s less about him and autism and more about the people around him and their reactions to him. I almost wish the show had a different tone and started from the very beginning when Sam was diagnosed, and look at it through a serious lens. I think something fully from the perspective of Sam could have been better, but they would need an informed team writers who have either have first hand experience with disability or are willing to put in the time. (I hope I said everything the way I meant to feel free to criticize me) I have a few other comments on the show but I’ll break them up a little

[@QuestingRefuge]

I'm curious what points you don't agree with? What you're describing seems to somewhat support what I'm saying since the focus is more on others and their reactions.

[@narjesfe9825]

@@QuestingRefuge they said they agree with u

[@QuestingRefuge]

@@narjesfe9825 haha they did. Rhank you! My brain read the beginning as "I can't say I agree" and then saw things agreeing so was confused. For some reason even rereading kept seeing it that way until your reply.

[@DoubleH2279]

While I agree with your more critical take on a typical, I do however think it definitely raises awareness of autism, and really shows why more people should talk about neurodivergence and does a decent job of confronting the topic of one’s fear of change, especially in Season 2.

[@gibistars1481]

HI! Autistic Teenager here! I 100% agree that the Interactions with Paige and Sam are bad. But I think the fact that the show gives us that is very important. I've been in a few relationships with similar problems. Not understanding how unfair it is. I don't think the creators were trying to say it was healthy! I think the whole point of them adding it was because of the fact it wasn't. No hate! I just really like discussing things! For the whole missing dad thing I can totally see your point. They defiantly had a problem with not adding a ton of how sam faces emotional problems, and things outside his autism. I think that was one of the areas of something they did pretty wrong, but also I sorta can appreciate how it didn't bother him in the sense of consistency of his character. He probably was bothered, but being that he's older and generally a pretty chill person, I think the consistency of keep that characterization was well done. Should Atypical and other Autistic media branch out of apathetic stereotypes? Yes. But having them isn't a crime in itself. Just repetitive and boring. I loved how respectfully you handled this video! Have a good day!

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you! I do think the show was trying to be critical of parts of it, but missed certain angles especially with what the typical audience may take away from it. But the biggest thing like you said is definitely looking across media in general and less about this one specific show.

[@OtakuGunsoNY]

very fascinating analysis :O I don't often watch these shows because it ends up being the same thing. Somehow I have family members that watch The Good Doctor and that's their portrayal of autistic people which is easy to digest for non autistic people knowing that none of those autistic in my family are even like that o-o

[@Luci-morningstar--]

I honestly loved how heartbreak high portrayed autism. Quinni is so realistic and i found myself relating to her way too much

[@tigana]

I really enjoyed this video, subbed:)

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you so much!

[@fromhell11112]

its scary seeing nerotypical people eat that stuff up thinking they learned something...

[@silvanalucas6403]

From what I remember page was an annoying person just because somebody is on the spectrum doesn't mean they should accept the first person that comes up to them they need to think about their standards too. Also yeah I had an ex get mad at me for mentioning the things I liked to frequently it feels terrible. What's even more terrible is that they insisted on being around me all the time like if you're so annoyed with me talking about my favorite subject matter then don't hang out with me as much

[@nicholasgutierrez9940]

*Gets covid vaccines* I have become more powerful than any Jedi.

[@mariagiuliazanon8564]

Like I said multiple times, Sam is a circumstances's victim

[@sizergeorge210]

THIS is what bugs me about a lot of allistic-written (as neurodivergent =/= autistic, a lot of neurodivergent people aren't autistic, though I wouldn't know because I'm one of the autistic people who has multiple neurodivergencies that overlap with my autism, like ADHD, OCD, possibly BPD, psychosis-NOS, and epilepsy, though the form of epilepsy has never been actually discovered) shows about autism: allistics often treat autistic people like they have no interiority, no personhood, no sense of self. This was something that was even on my psychological evaluation in fifth grade from the state: a state psychologist determined I "lacked a sense of self" due to DRAWING AN ANIME CHARACTER TO REPRESENT MYSELF. Yes, because I drew myself as an anime character and didn't think to label my thoughts, I was perceived as being less than a person and being childish and immature (and I was a fifth grader, which...fifth graders SHOULD be childish but that's for another time lmao). Now, I have PLENTY an identity and plenty of thoughts, often too many thoughts that are hard to describe, and a lot of thoughts about my own current situation, but because I generally present as the "happy childish autistic" stereotype due to my own behaviors being stereotypically autistic in a way that's often presented in Japanese media (think Maria Ushiromiya from Umineko, who is actually probably one of the most ACCURATE depictions of autism I've ever seen in a fictional media, from her constant vocal stimming which her mother treats her poorly for to her socially inept behavior that she just thinks makes her a "pure witch" to her verbality being limited to short, terse sentences except in regards to her special interest, in which she becomes hyperverbal, hyperlexic, and even is stated to know Hebrew and Latin) I tend to be seen basically as a child with no real opinions. God, that's why I hate it when my uncle recommended The Good Doctor to me because "it had an autistic doctor" but then I found the autistic doctor had no real thoughts of his own and had was a plot device.

[@inactivechannel9856]

I feel like a fake autistic for genuinely liking atypical and finding it very relatable (despite being a non-binary queer person unlike Sam) :/ Like the majority of the autistic community despises that show but I truly did like it?? Am I supposed to hate it?

[@QuestingRefuge]

Hey definitely not! I try to always make that clear. Just because I think there is a potential issue or thing that we could use more in the media doesn't mean the thing is just "bad". I like plenty of things I am also critical of. I'm not interested in determining if art is good or bad. My hope would be if I have a criticism that my argument makes sense regardless if you like the show or not

[@sashacat936]

I'm autistic and love this show too. The first season definitely has its problems, but I was so happy to see a show that talks about the sensory aspects I overlooked them and watched the following seasons that improved drastically Aside from Sam and Paige, their couple always seems off to me and I wish they'd just be friends who used to date

[@tree1568]

Might i suggest The A Word from the BBC. I’ve heard a lot of autistic people say good things about it and I too find his positive attention meltdown relatable despite not being autistic myself

[@QuestingRefuge]

I'll add it to check out thanks!

[@DoubleH2279]

I totally agree with you about the Paige-Sam dynamic being misunderstood.

[@cahns5025]

4:33 that edit was hilarious with her eyes going black. really delivered dthe meaning but for me i laughed my assoff when she tiledher head ya know

[@DragonStar524]

Usually when my dad left for some business trips about 15 years ago in a different state, id be upset to see gim go, and then just move on with my day. I love my dad dont get me wrong. That was just how i reacted as an 8-10 year old.

[@Speed_ColaMan]

The other day, a family member said that I "love playing victim" when I cried in the middle of telling them that their words hurt. THEY were the ones that said I have "The brain of a chicken" (I have Asperger's Syndrome, ffs). Oh, but I like being a victim, right? Fucking unbelievable.

[@pabu691]

no one is ''normal'' everyone is different no one is ''normal''

[@RandomSkyeRoses]

Paige sounds like it Sam died, she wouldn't care

[@whatburnsneverreturns]

I'm not disabled but I am really mad about all these shows being horrible representation

[@QuestingRefuge]

Glad to know more are upset about it