AuDHD / ADHD Relationship Update: How Humor Helps Us Cope

[@HowtoADHD]

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[@AnjaJSamuelMusk]

I hope you will both review my research, you’re both amazing people. Also tell Scott I said thank you! ❤️

[@AnjaJSamuelMusk]

Not diagnosing you, but just saying they are terrible at diagnosing Autism in women. ADHD and Autism are caused by the same genes but a different position on the chromosome! I have both ❤️

[@AnjaJSamuelMusk]

Consider an adult and child friendly Channel, Jessica ❤️

[@TheeDoctorB]

I actually should add something I didn't say in the video. A lot of my sense of humor came out of my autism, even though I didn't know it was autism until much later. As a kid, I started noticing that people laughed when I replied to something as if they meant it literally. Initially I just rolled with it to save myself embarrassment (and potential bullying) at admitting I didn't understand the context of something my peers said, but - after a while - I started to learn to do it more consciously.

[@JaneteB]

Yes same! I think in the uk the blunt dry (aka literal answers) type of humour is more appreciated so it was so easy to say the literal thing in a confident way then hope for the best😂

[@TheeDoctorB]

@@JaneteB it doesn't hurt that I've read pretty much every Discworld book at least once.

[@Martina_E]

Same

[@shockthetoast]

I theorize that a lot of my humor has to do with my brain rapidly processing all the ways something can be taken because it doesn't just start at the "obvious" one. I'm not consciously thinking up puns as much as I have a bag of them left over from trying to keep up with the conversation in general.

[@havardhenriksen8890]

Oh wait, that's what I was doing as a kid. I suspected my suspected autism was a part of how I learned to be funny, but I didn't know how to express the mechanism of it.

[@TheS4ndm4n]

When my wife was pregnant we had so much fun. Like she was wearing this dark and light green patterned top and just stated, that she looked like a melon. Later, when she was comicaly overreacting to something, I told her to stop being so melondramatic. It cracked her up both times. She also had really bad pregnancy brain and one time she was trying to say "or" and really drew out the "o", I came in with "who lives in a pinapple under the see?". When we had stopped crying with laughter she had obviously forgotten, what she was going to say. But I thin the best moment was, whe she got a really bad hairut, like she looked like He-Man and was literally crying about it. When she had calmed down a bit, I suggested she tried saying "By the power of Grayskull!" and again, the situation was largely diffused. Granted, she did call me an a-hole that time before laughing.

[@callumwilliams2172]

I just wanna express how much i appreciate this series. I feel like there is a lack of representation of serious and well mantained relationships within media, i feel like most relationships are shown as more something that is ment to entertaining and 100% emotional based rather a shared project that you both put effort into to try to preserve.

[@TheeDoctorB]

Thanks. I think both of us are trying to normalize the idea that no relationship is easy. They require a lot of work, and disabilities like ADHD and autism create obstacles that many of us might never think about.

[@ffKingcreole]

the "that is how families happen" was the first time this year I was unable to keep the laugh in when watching a youtube video :D, not that I don't have fun, everything else so far was just at the "type lol" level and this one got me out of nowhere, thank you Doctor B

[@HowtoADHD]

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 YES. SUCCESS. PLAN GET PEOPLE TO LAUGH IS WORKING!

[@TheeDoctorB]

At home, I frequently end up derailing her thoughts with quips like that.😅

[@findingaway5512]

​@@HowtoADHD Yep got me too! 😂 Well done.

[@annawright5357]

What you said about not being self-deprecating in front of your daughter was a great point. My dad does it a lot, and honestly I do it sometimes, and it’s not always a problem, but he went through a phase where he was super self-deprecating all the time and it was really uncomfortable for me. I think part of it is when you can tell that behind the joke they really believe what they’re saying about themselves, vs it just being a joke.

[@nate2838]

That is a huge point, for any joke that is deprecating. Though I will use deprecating humor with friends, it is only if it is understood there is no truth to it.

[@tea_and_guyliner]

AuDHDer here too. I had a super busy week so far and just had this realization that by coming home to watch this vid and drinking coffee I engage in three special interests of mine, ADHD, autism and relationships. I love this series

[@rozcorwin8513]

Nice Kurzgesagt mug!! I have two long-term partners, one with ADHD and the other with subclinical Autistic traits, and both of them have kids with ADHD/Autism, so humor is a carefully negotiated aspect of these complex relationships. I share a deep love of sarcasm and dark humor with one partner, but that can sometimes be confusing with my other partner, who prefers inside jokes, instead. The kids are at developmental stages where they often decide what's funny based on other people's reactions, and will then repeat those jokes ad nauseum. Yay. Overall, humor is a delightful dance, in our family.

[@tomschultz8933]

My wife is autistic, I could be the poster of adult ADHD, and we both have physical disabilities. We use a LOT of humor. Also, life is a song cue... we both quote song lyrics at opportune (and sometimes inappropriate) times.

[@Martina_E]

A song is a vibe

[@shaboom362]

I always said I laugh to keep from crying. Glad you guys can laugh together. Your a cute couple.

[@TheeDoctorB]

Kinda need to.

[@plantyfan]

8:50 EXACTLY!!! We've been teaching this to our oldest (14) -- we're really clever and smart. What a fun challenge to maintain a sense of respect and avoiding triggers as much as possible. Know. Your. Audience.

[@TheeDoctorB]

It's important to have audience buy-in.

[@tinamyers307]

My old boyfriend and I used to read jokes from a joke book right before bed. It was fun and made us instantly connected.

[@HowtoADHD]

That's such a cute way to add humor! I love it!

[@TheeDoctorB]

Jessica had to stop me from making her laugh before bed, because we're both trying to wind down. 😅

[@bakuiel1901]

That's an important thought on self depreciation, I have been talking to someone who helped me see the difference between I hate me and I hate what I do and I think self deprecating humour is where that started

[@nate2838]

I didn't grow up with insult humor, so when I started doing tree work, it was a shock to my system. Fortunately, I had a coworker who helped bridge the gap in understanding. With that being said, while insult humor can be a lot of fun, it can also be easy to overstep, or hit a soft spot, and its important to be willing to hear that yes, it was meant as a joke, and, even thought it was only slightly different than something you joked about before, it wasn't ok this time, or, at this time. There are a lot of nuances that go into what and when something can be funny or not. Also, another point about insult humor is: When something is joked about a lot, if it is something they are sensitive to, it can easily reinforce their belief that they aren't good enough, deserving, etc. Had a friend that joked that way with me, and it was years later that I realized that the jokes were having a reinforcing effect on my issues with self worth. Open communication is important with humor. Its important to know that the person feels comfortable letting you know if a line is crossed, and trusts you enough to work with you on identifying what that line was and why. And what adjustments may be needed in the future. Sometimes someone has a soft spot that is too sensitive for joking, other times it may be that they need reassurance along with the joke, because they are used to people saying that joke because it is what they believe, and your joke is because it is absolutely not true for you. If in doubt, leave that spot alone. The joke may be what finds that spot, and now that it is know, both can move forward together constructively with more information and awareness.

[@plantyfan]

16:03 My personal "red flag" for using humor to avoid a conversation is that if it comes up 2-3 times (from me or to me), I take appropriate action. If it's me, I sit with it to decide if it bothers me enough to broach the subject (I'm not conflict-avoidant but I don't like it, either). If it's someone else and I'm close enough to them to ask, I'll ask a leading question like, "hey, I know you were joking, but you mentioned ____ several times and in myself, that typically means it's bothering me. Are you ok and really joking or is there more to it?" Anything that comes up for me multiple times, or stays on my mind for more than a few minutes, I know is something that could potentially fester and to me, that's more uncomfortable than addressing the issue and being open. I do not tolerate discomfort and as a recovering people pleaser, unresolved conflict is very uncomfortable. Another guideline: •Does this need to be said •Does this need to be said NOW •Does this need to be said BY ME And •Does it line up with my personal values (to speak out) •Is it kind? And then I do mock rehearsals in my head to gauge how I should approach the situation. It's a lot of work but I'm ND; LIFE is a lot of work. And this work, it's worth it to maintain healthy relationships. I know I've done my best to be authentic and kind, as often as possible. ETA: I also try to decide who benefits from speaking out; am I being self-serving ("this was not my favorite dinner, partner"), or is it beneficial to the other party ("Hey, partner, I didn't care for ___ meal and I didn't want you to find out in 25 years I hated this meal you've cooked 58000 times"). *The 25 years things was a story or a joke we came across where the wife has been cooking her husband's 'favorite' meatloaf recipe and then finds out on his deathbed that he never liked it. Essentially, living in a farce for that singular thing. It can really sting, I imagine. So I don't fib compliments.

[@TheeDoctorB]

This is so awesome and thoughtful! Thank you!

[@plantyfan]

@TheeDoctorB you're welcome!

[@plantyfan]

@TheeDoctorB I forgot to add (I'll edit the original comment AGAIN as if I didn't already do that to fix typos lol) -- I also try to decide who benefits from speaking out; am I being self-serving ("partner, this was not my favorite dinner"), or is it beneficial to the other party ("Hey, partner, I didn't care for ___ meal and I didn't want you to find out in 25 years I hated this meal you've cooked 58000 times")? I think. A lot. 🤣

[@thevalkyries8680]

Him genuinely finding joy in and loving the things about her that she is self conscious about is so wonderful to see and hear

[@drskelebone]

I want him to take his shoes off inside so so much, but the fact that you can laugh and the whole "we do this" bit.

[@AverySylvaine]

“that’s how families happen” made me laugh 🤭

[@lindymoore]

My partner and me have the same type of humour! They are ASD and I am AuDHD, and the facepalm- high-five vibe is something that occurs literally daily when we are together. It's simple, witty, unexpected and intentionally bad remarks to get the other laughing (or playfully disappointed). We manage to "feel" what we can or can't joke about. Either the other responds seriously- which is a signal that it wasn't funny- or there is no response at all. I try to make jokes on *all* aspects of life because I love them for who they are, and that's why I'm so glad about this video! It prompted me to poke them and mention the "consent" and "different aspects of life" part. And it gives me the tools to ask new questions.

[@HowtoADHD]

Hello Brains! How do you use humor in your relationships? And what do you like about it? And how do you handle it when you or your partner accidentally hurt each other's feelings with humor?

[@plantyfan]

I specifically use humor if: •I've asked something unreasonable and didn't realize it: "What do you mean, you don't want to cook AND clean AND be solely responsible for ____" (mock shock face Pikachu) •I like using "I'm soooooo fake angry with you" to dispel tension, if the other party thinks I may be upset. I added "fake" because I was not being exaggerated enough to show I was joking so this works super well, especially with my kids. •I occasionally use mild self-deprication if I start a conversation halfway into my thought and I'm embarrassed when the other party is confused. "wait what do you mean you can't read minds, I thought everyone did that" and I may even tilt it to 'blame' them by adding, "so like what the heck is wrong with you?!" But I caution folks to know their audience here AND how they inflect and their tone of voice, or it could be really arrogant.

[@HowtoADHD]

@@plantyfan What do you mean you can't read minds 🤣 okay but imagine though... some poor telepath in a room of ADHD brains... Thanks so much for sharing!!!

[@plantyfan]

@@HowtoADHD I have thought of that SO many times -- being a telepath in a room with neurodivergent brains. CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE adding all [*gestures wildly*] that to your internal dialogue? No thanks lol

[@cindylien2055]

What is AUDHD?

[@HowtoADHD]

It is a colloquialism some people use to describe that they are Autistic and ADHD. :)

[@virginiaputman5041]

I loved this, seeing you two interact made my day. I really relate to if I don’t laugh about it, then I’ll cry. My ADHD and depression have made my humor a bit dark as well, but more fun. Thank you so much for the laughs and great info, and Congratulations on the new baby!

[@TheeDoctorB]

Oooooh! Baby! That's why I hear so much crying in the house. I just thought it was haunted.

[@virginiaputman5041]

@@TheeDoctorB House could still be haunted, you never know! It’s possible the crying is just your wife from lack of sleep. Remember, we talked about this, we laugh so we don’t cry! Love you guys ❤️

[@jennsalomonsson9891]

I LOVE that you didn't cut off the PG-joke: you guys made me laugh so much! It is so cute seeing you interact less seriously on camera (and supported perfectly the topic of the video). Thanks for your advices and sharing your experience!! It helps so much! I could relate so much when you realised that trying to make your husband talk about his anxiety didn't work... Directly thought about mine with a "uhm" 🤔 To understand a neurodivergent partner when you also are is an adventure and you provide so much useful tips and guidance! Thank you.

[@ΤΣΕΚΕΡΙΔΗΣΑΠΟΣΤΟΛΟΣ]

great....thanks a lot.....I really have struggled with humour.....but when nice people came into my life,they changed THIS with their expert sense of humour and manage to advocate me in such a entertaining and worthy way......GO ON

[@Scarecrow1965]

Wow, that is something I would have never thought to do or even try... and the way you both have presented it makes it even better. I greatly appreciate the fact that I heard from both sides and that encourages me to try it in my relationship. Thanks Folks!!!

[@JH-be5uw]

This is really a great video. I thoroughly e joy your channel anyway, but I also especially love these types of videos. It helps me understand mechanisms I already use and get introduced to things I was not aware of or don't use (yet). Also it's really refreshing to hear you talk about the good AND the bad, which makes this content so much more valuable as it is actually authentic. Thank you for your work!

[@vindicated30.6]

Humor is my preferred coping mechanism. Especially when I was raised in a house where the default coping mechanism was taking stress out on others. I would much rather use my words as bringing laughter rather than weaponizing them. I was raised by someone who was and is severely verbally abusive. Also one of my strongly held beliefs is that 90% of comedy is timing.

[@mackenziemc]

I needed this video. I’ve just been making mistakes left and right with my mom lately. I’d make comments about a situation, and then she gets hurt and ices me out.

[@milanprolix2511]

The same thing happened to me a couple of times in my relationship with my mom and each time there was something else going on that was making my mom more sensitive or interpret neutral things negatively. Apologies and an extra dose of kindness (and some patience), and we always patched things up! I hope you will too. I wish you and your mom the best! ❤‍🩹

[@Maddie-the-ginger]

Me my mom and my brother all have adhd and when I tell you THE GROUP CHAT MEMES WE SEND TO EACH OTHER based on adhd ofc IS SO FUNNY LIKE WE ALL BECAME SO MUCH CLOSER (just realized I wrote that part in all caps my bad) (also realized I prolly didn’t have to add that or this) ❤

[@VeeMcKay]

The way the last bit made me screech with laughter, wow, thank you both so much for being you

[@SlinkyGaming]

I seriously needed to hear all of this, and there were things I genuinely knew that I had worked upon, but I didn't realize how bad it really could get when I used dark humor, and that is a good lesson to learn. Thank you for doing this, it gives me little things to work on to become a better person!

[@nataaaaalieabcnj]

It's so great to see you both doing so well together, thanks for this!!

[@fancyfans8609]

Love your D20 hoodie Dr. B!! Best dressed Doctor in Time 😉

[@TheeDoctorB]

I miss my TARDIS! 😂

[@fancyfans8609]

@TheeDoctorB Traded in a life of running around time and space to be a partner and father ❤️ Not sure which is more rewarding and exhausting 😆

[@abhiswarakumbhare5468]

I love how I can also use this for my relationship with my best friend. Maybe we'll move in together someday

[@R.ErikLind]

I found this channel just after I knew I have ADHD, and it's such a joy seeing a community I can relate to so much. Thank you so much for sharing your content! ❤

[@findingaway5512]

Humor is my favorite thing about my husband. ❤ We also like shows and movie quotes so we do references to obscure things that both of us know. After being together for two decades I was thinking about how if anything ever happened to either of us that would be something new both would grieve. Something special about those little inside jokes between two people. But some of that so already passed down to our kids which warms my heart and they all have great senses of humor also.

[@mandycollins8795]

Like Jessica, I'm not a fan of "mean humor." To me, it's just not funny; it's bullying. I made a point to start telling a lot of "dad jokes" and puns in general because they're funny and there are a plethora of puns that aren't harmful. I think I also like punny jokes because they can have that nuance with literal thinking, like "I didn't know why that baseball was getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me." It's also hilarious to see my little neurodivergent kids come up with their own jokes because kids can be super funny in their own way. I've been a huge fan of both of you for a long time, and I appreciate the work you do! Thank you!

[@NormyTres]

Haha! 😂

[@ghostscript2044]

I literally have to adopt the laugh or cry in what I do because there is no alternative at this point. And I adopt a very dark sarcastic humor in my work sometimes because otherwise I might cry. But also, I'm really good at tripping over literally anything, and somehow that provides both Myself and everyone around me a lot of humor. 😂

[@HexSpooxBoox]

My husband Autistic Me ADHD with a now 2 year old humor is one thing we both use to break tension and sometimes our baby does things that makes us laugh that helps with does days it seem difficult. We do have moment with miscommunication that lead to bad situations like you guys mentioned but we are human a little different but we learn all the time of our mistakes and it’s okay But say sorry when you know you messed up.Thank you guys again . I Get hopeful when I see other couple like my husband and I make it ❤Wishing you the best this year and thank you again for these amazing videos 🙏

[@AnjaJSamuelMusk]

You have a beautiful family Jessica, you’re a great couple! Stay strong both of you. ❤

[@user-br2dw8no4r]

I think humor uses me to cope with the constant lighthearted, stress-free times

[@skookie1191809]

I enjoyed the information in this video as I definitely relate to using humor as a coping mechanism. I also was laughing along with you both.

[@HowtoADHD]

I'm glad you liked it! And yesss let there be MOOOORE laughter!

[@christinav.3661]

Love your 'relationship videos' 😘

[@haydnreynolds626]

19:13 I completely relate more to this then ever and is something I am working hard on in myself to not bring myself down but it's a hard task so it's nice to know it's isn't a sole struggle

[@HowtoADHD]

[@TheeDoctorB]

You and me both, clearly. It's amazing how knowing our daughter hears these comments - that I previously thought of as only affecting me - changed my perspective and motivation.

[@tomschultz8933]

Boy, can I relate to this! My wife has been trying to break me of this for 15 years, and it's been an uphill battle (in the snow, barefoot, both ways...). I am slowly getting better, but often, I still think it even if I don't say it.

[@DaleESkywalker]

Humor deflection is a great tool. 😀

[@HowtoADHD]

Soooooometimes, deflecting indefinitely when someone wants to talk about something bothering them can actually be detrimental in the long run!

[@TheeDoctorB]

Until I - I mean people, because I definitely don't frequently do it all the time - overdo it and avoid salient topics. Yeah. Definitely not me. 😅😬

[@dougmccoll6126]

I'm glad you are using "safe-words" to keep it fam-frinedly, thats frendly, er friendly.

[@emmymorris7648]

Ok I’m only 28 seconds into the video, but I had to pause and say I chuckled and definitely liked the video right after the Derek Zoolander and Matthew McConaughey joke by Dr. B! 😁😁

[@dragonm4364]

I do know that being autistic has definitely been traumatizing to a degree. I too have gathered a sense of humor over the years. Fully relate to the if I’m not laughing I’m crying.!

[@Dancestar1981]

Me to I’m Audhd

[@_teruru]

I am super guilty of self deprecating humor as someone who has adhd (and recently realized maybe autism as well). I initially didn’t know humor was a coping mechanism since I associated humor with being mean sometimes (due to being bullied/picked on and not really laughing at a lot of stuff i found funny unless it’s at someone or something abrasive to that degree) but after some exposure with more people, I thought that if I’m down anyways, it’s okay to put myself even lower because I can’t get any lower so self deprecating humor became my go-to to help me cope. Of course, I know that it’s pretty bad so I don’t actually do that as much as I used to. But, speaking on humor, i also can’t understand how to balance the nuances of humor at all so it’s been pretty rough for me to figure out when something is funny or when something i say isn’t funny or appropriate for the group. i don’t understand where and when i should be applying humor. Of course, i know the big no-nos but i get stuck on the more context dependent ones and i keep thinking that if i can do it in one group i can do it to this other “similar” group, which. Haha. Yeah. It doesn’t always work and so it means i can’t use humor cause i can’t make everyone (literal) laugh. It’s so weird how our brains can be wired regarding humor (the fun and the nuance of it all). I’m hoping i am funny and humorous to my friends! I’ll take some of this advice for my own interactions with people! Thank you for the video!

[@ColleenJoudrey]

My family is 4/4 with ADHD and we all have very different senses of humor. Mine is really dry, husband's is goofy, Daughter's is cheeky and well, our son struggles with all aspects of humor. It definitely has causes some awkward conversations along the way but understanding the nuances of each others brains, has helped.

[@ikuni_hattori]

I'm really bad at reading a situation on whether someone is sensitive about something where another might find it funny. So I've learned to preface some things with "Can I tease you?" to get consent for the teasing, and so they know I don't mean a thing maliciously. It also gives the other person the chance to tell me, "no, not in a teasing mood right now" if they're in that bad of a mood.

[@JimPekarek]

I pretty much can't even form a relationship with someone if they can't handle playful teasing, especially if they get mad rather than teasing me right back.

[@NewAge374]

Connecting the point about growing in a neurodivergent family and having a specific shared humor, to the point of getting consent to go to the insult comic: I thought about my situations when I visit my mum's and I realise how I've moved out of that dynamic, while they're stuck in it. I manage to keep a straight face and often mention that what they just said isn't funny to me or actually hurts me, but she and her partner then talk down on my sensitivity. They don't seem to get that the audience includes me and not just each other or their close friends. Last summer we got to the topic of being bullied in childhood and they were normalising it to the extent of claiming that bullies are inevitable in life and you just learn to deal with them. Watching this video it made me realise how they've turned hurt done unto them into a justification of being less considerate to others. I know for a fact that they've lost several friendships in their adult lives because they speak without taking into account social context, using insensitive jokes too often. I wonder if they are conscious of the fact that they're turning each loss into fuel to sabotage new relationships

[@ashentheforce]

My husband has used humor to get me to come back mentally when I have had a meltdown. The last time I kept telling him to stop but he knew I needed it and kept trying to make me laugh. In the end he won and I was able to start laughing even though I felt miserable and embarrassed about the meltdown. We also kid with each other about the odd behaviors we do like me cleaning when we start fighting or after having a meltdown.

[@Drecon84]

My wife and I tease each other all the time. But we make sure to only do it with things that the other isn't insecure about. That ensures that it's funny to everyone. I'm very happy to have found someone who appreciates my sense of humor, even though things aren't always as funny in retrospect as they seem before speaking them aloud.

[@NormyTres]

I have missed How To ADHD in my YT feed for ages - I don't know how long. Ao I went back to my subscriptions and sought you out and am leaving a comment so hopefully the algorithm will bring you back.

[@HowtoADHD]

Thank you!! We have some really cool content coming up so hopefully you’ll see it ☺️

[@2Pitso]

Hi Jessica I came across your Ted Talk just now (just finished watching it). I saw a meme from a group of people with ADHD about not being able to finish reading a book because even before you finish a page your brain is either thinking about something else or what could happen in the book. I related to this, and I dug deeper into ADHD. I tick all the boxes and I think I'm more on the impulsive side. Like you, I was a smart kid in Primary school(elementary) but I couldn't finish notes, and exams were short and manageable. But I struggled in highschool because my assignments were part of my marks, and I couldn't finish them on time, and exams were longer and I couldn't focus long enough to finish writing notes in class. I'm also struggling at work right now, and I'm on my final warning. I love reading, but it takes a year to finish a good book and forever to finish a long one. I am yet to be officially diagnosed, I'm planning on visiting the doctor next week. We don't have neurologists in Lesotho, but I'll hear what my doctor has to say. If you have any suggestions please say.

[@psluxton]

My wife and daughter are MY audience too. 😆 Oh! How they suffer. #feelssogood

[@willd5328]

I cope with dry, morose humor at times. I have to sometimes check with my spouse on too-soon-to-make-a-joke joke. Sometimes it backfires… but we got it.

[@atropos_thefate]

On the rare occasion that humor hits wrong in our house (which can happen even with the best intentions), I remind myself that he loves me and would not intentionally hurt me. This allows me to collect myself to be able to kindly point out the gaff without being too tender about it or too reactionary in my response.

[@KarminaBanana-y6f]

If I had to choose between taking myself "too seriously" and being "too self-deprecating" I'd take the latter any day, any time.

[@jamestaylor5215]

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I love to joke around with my wife, and all the topics you covered are eye-opening. Humor is like spices in cooking. Don't dump super extra nuclear spicy chicken rub on it Otherwise, it will ruin the meal! I have definitely said some jokes that I am not proud of because my wit was faster than my brain. I think learning to contol humor and not go overboard with it is important, Especially if your spouse is not in the mood for jokes.

[@RobinLoveCounseling]

OMG, my husband and I even have the same phone cases you have. 😂

[@TheeDoctorB]

I love the Mous cases so much. 😅

[@Raindude]

I honestly wouldn’t have friends if i didn’t have a sense of humor. Like, my loudness, and forgetfulness, and spaciousness can seem like a persona, like a haha typical (my name here). My adhd becomes a joke sometimes. But I’m lucky enough to have friends to advocate for me. Side random thing: My undiagnosed adhd friend always says, “i can focus, but right now i can’t. One friend, whenever i do any adhd thing, they go, “adhd.”😅 oh god im typing way too much

[@thelifedyslexic]

Very a ware I run things into a joke to avoid serious conversations. Trying to do better.

[@DaleESkywalker]

Hello Brains!!!

[@HowtoADHD]

Hello!!

[@marzettik]

Humor does wonders. ❤

[@lazydaisy411]

One of my issues is that I didn’t have anyone joking around with me as a child since I had no siblings. When I entered the work force, people would try to joke around with me and I would take them literally. It takes me a long time to get to know someone to understand when they’re joking. It does cause some tension in my marriage because my husband grew up in a household that had thick skin due to joking and picking.

[@cristinacouplestherapy3819]

You can choose to be one and don't parents! 👨‍👩‍👧You can choose to have only one child.And I m sure your life will be much more better! If you have only one child , you have much more time for each For relationship end of course you have much more money. And then you can do a lot of interesting scenes in your life because Having only one child it is the best scene. From one hand you get parents experience , but Are there other hand you have enough of time for Yourself and for each other!

[@SilasNomad]

Does Dr. B have a landing pad? (Or a channel or something? This is my first video with him in) Your attitude towards your relationship is awesome, something I aspire to :)

[@TheeDoctorB]

Not my own channel, at this time. I'm too busy running my clinic. Maybe eventually. But I'm TheeDoctorB on most socials.

[@MysteryAndroclese401]

5:26: Get your HEAD out of the GUTTER, Dr. B! 😂

[@TinyCatSpoons]

As an auDHD with a dark sense of humour I use to cope with all the letters I’ve collected (C, P, T, S and D specifically) I can confirm it’s vital to not having a complete breakdown and descent into despair.

[@lanceareadbhar]

People say they can't tell when I'm being sarcastic and I take that as a compliment.

[@DragonArt-Z]

I often make jokes or say something sarcastic, but I forget to change my tone to make it clear that it’s a joke and then I have to quickly remedy and say that it is a joke. I also struggle with impulsivity. I’ve likewise I have used self-deprecation as both a defense mechanism and a scapegoat. I do something stupid in front of my teasing older brother? If I insult myself first, he can’t! My mom is scolding me on procrastinated homework? Well calling myself lazy will shut her up! . . .Which probably isn’t a very healthy strategy.

[@nitt3rz]

Looks like Dr B & me have very similar types of humour; I love the absurd in all its forms, & I do tend to go quite a bit too far with self-deprecating humour. (I also have AuDHD)

[@wadem4503]

I was only saying to my wife this morning that neurodivergent people have the best self deprecating senses of humour.

[@thescowlingschnauzer]

Note: it's good to take opportunities to use humor *deliberately & incrementally* before there is risk of using it *reflexively & recklessly*.

[@kupcakez]

My boyfriend with ADHD (maybe he also has autism but insure) and CPTSD broke up with me 2 weeks ago because I was “too sensitive.” He would insult or judge me as a joke, and when I express how what he said hurt my feelings, he would say “it was just a joke,” “you’re too sensitive,” “you’re so dramatic,” or “you need therapy.” I just got a Stanley cup for Christmas and it has a straw. He was always telling me that I need to drink more water. Because of the straw, I started drinking more water. I was so excited to tell him so maybe he would be proud of me, but when I told him, he said “You need a straw to drink water? That’s weird. I’m not judging you… but I’m judging you.” It broke my heart honestly, and it wasn’t the first time he’s done stuff like this. I would call him out and he would either apologize and get really sad because he thinks he is a bad person, or he would get mad at me for making him feel like a bad person. One time he was gaslighting me so hard because of this that I had a panic attack and he had to calm me down. Of course, he always kept telling me I need therapy, but I’m feeling a lot less insecure now that he is gone. He broke up with me because he said he felt like he was walking on eggshells. He never knew what was going to upset me or not. And he said he didn’t want to change his humour because he “wouldn’t be being true to himself.” Is this an ADHD thing? Should I have done more things to accommodate his ADHD? I didn’t do much research until after the breakup.

[@Ahrpigi]

4:55 - 5:32 got me laughing out loud 😄

[@TheeDoctorB]

I was so glad that made the edit. 😂

[@LJ-oi3pz]

I am the person that makes horrible puns in my group of friends, and they still love me ❣️

[@connor6691]

I try masking with humour a lot, however I am absolutely awful when it comes to relationships. My ADHD means I’m terrible at expressing myself, so when the initial hyper fixation wears off it comes across as like I’m not interested anymore. Safe to say I’ve given up trying for a bit, it’s far too stressful.

[@hendrikbootha7285]

This is so cute😊😊

[@HowtoADHD]

n'awwwwww, thanks!

[@TheeDoctorB]

Awww. Thank you!

[@alibongo818]

Audhd here - I found "mommy settled" absolutely hilarious. It’s a joke with multiple layers of humor. Dad doesn’t take himself too seriously; he loves mommy deeply and feels incredibly fortunate to be with her. However, it embodies that typical male humor that often doesn’t translate well to mommy. Instead of hearing, "You're so beautiful; I feel so lucky," mommy interprets it as, "You couldn't wait for Mr. Right and just chose the first guy you found because you're cheap and lazy." Daddy finds this notion unbelievable because he knows mommy is quite discerning and wouldn’t just settle. That's the essence of the joke. In short, it's a case of men's humor for men and more delicate, nuanced humor for women. Cheering you guys on 🎉

[@remmingtonstewart9826]

Alright alright.... 😂😂😂

[@TheeDoctorB]

All right. All right. All right. "I'm not an ambi-turner." 🤣

[@jennsalomonsson9891]

I wonder if you could do a video about your challenges when you guys were long-distance (for how long? How did you manage?)? I mean, communication changes, especially with autism involved. Thanks 🙏

[@HowtoADHD]

Oh that’s a great topic idea, thank you!

[@aro4cinglife]

ik this is off topic but *I JUST NOTCED YOU HAVE A KURZGESAGT MUG AND I'M OBSESED*

[@TheeDoctorB]

[GOES TO LOOK UP "KURZGESAGT" AND DISCOVERS PEOPLE ARE NOT SIMPLY SNEEZING IN THE COMMENTS]

[@CiudadanaHerzeleid]

Greetings from México ❤❤❤

[@ACWhoCares2]

I would like to be better at it, especially laughing about myself but I don't know it really has to come into your head impromptu 😂 😂 I had one though and it actually made anyone laugh...but it's hard to translate into English...😂 😂

[@blind_gamer16]

I feel like dating someone who may have AuDHD is gonna be fun as I'm always someone who is humorous.

[@JessicaWest-v1p]

Your right humor is good. Unless you can't take a joke because you take everything so seriously. That's me and Anxiety but I do love to tease my bros at school like pretending I don't know that they go to my school. They have a better sense of humor than me though. I overthink everything.

[@49ersfoldem]

This might be a bit random but I think you guys should make a song together 😜

[@HowtoADHD]

Ooooo I liiiiike it…he’s a music nerd and I play several instruments (sort of) so it’s a possibility!

[@veer4ever]

what should you do if you are overstimulated?

[@zalafinari]

I feel targeted by that last bit. A week before my dad died of cancer I was in a bank with him and my ex-spouse and I made a joke about seeing a grim reaper flying overhead. Both my dad and ex were quick on shutting me down for it not being an appropriate time nor place for such things.

[@Saalach-Spiele]

Almost couldn't listen cause the topic is triggering me a lot. Had a court tell me they didn't think it's obvious enough I was mistreated because one of my last desperate approaches had been humor to cope with the situation. I'll come watch this again in a year or two.

[@abhiswarakumbhare5468]

Got a horrible score on college entrance exams. It was also in my favourite subject. It was the only good thing I could do. What do I do now? I need to study for other exams but my bond can not focus on those. Please help if you can

[@HowtoADHD]

We have a three part series I did a few years ago that hopefully might help a little! Part 1: kzbin.info/www/bejne/p3acgaCjat6ZnrM Part 2: kzbin.info/www/bejne/houXqIqmhctgndE Part 3: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g4eld3aXrtR4fJY

[@szymonsadlo]

how many GOATs are in this video? 🤔

[@TheeDoctorB]

Only one: Jessica. 😁

[@user-br2dw8no4r]

I’ve been following this channel Living Well with Schizophrenia (Lauren Kennedy West now I think) for a while. This past year she started a controlled dieting routine, and a lot of her symptoms have greatly diminished. I’d love to learn about any dieting research that might influence the symptoms of ADHD. If it exists 🤞

[@HowtoADHD]

It does! It’s a complicated and nuanced topic that we are currently working on figuring out how best to cover. In the meantime, a great place to start is talking with your doctor about any diets or supplements you’re considering. Anything too extreme or difficult to follow can do more harm than good. Especially because disordered eating is really common in our community. But even aside from that, the time/money/energy we might put into following a controlled diet could often be better spent on ADHD coaching, therapy, meds, improved sleep and/or other evidence based interventions.

[@erinrobinson6436]

I grew up in a family of mean teasers, so it kind of ruined humor and teasing for me. My husband and I laugh and joke constantly, but it's gentle and nobody is being stabbed or torn down by the teasing.

[@TheSaneHatter]

My "AuD/HD" problem is just the opposite: an OVERreliance on humor. As an adult, I've grown to see that my well-developed, but eccentric sense of humor can often land wrong or fly over people's heads unless they're good friends of mine already, while most people actually prefer to see me remain serious and in particular, impress them with my intelligence by explaining things clearly. The problem is that, especially when you're young, no one teaches you how to ACT serious, because you're supposed to be "fun," instead.

[@sarahwollesen1990]

Where can I find am ADHD/autism coach?

[@puppypoet]

Are you two vegetable farmers? Because a lot of this video was very corny. 🥁 I am making a prediction that your daughter will both feel incredibly blessed by you guys as her parents and equally embarrassed, which is what me and my husband are to my son.

[@TheeDoctorB]

Booooooooo! Hiss! [TAKES NOTES] 😂