Ellie Middleton details impact of late AuDHD diagnosis

[@BanjoPixelSnack]

I was diagnosed as AuDHD this summer. I'm 42. All my life I have been treated with medication for "depression" and "anxiety" because I used to ask my GP why am I swinging between feeling completely overwhelmed and excruciatingly underwhelmed and numb... I was always told it was anxiety and depression. Now I start to realise I've been so exhausted by masking that I've lived my whole life either about to burn out, in burn out, or recovering from burnout. I wish I'd been diagnosed earlier as so much makes sense now and I realise the last 40 years didn't need to be this hard.

[@chardonayjovonne3975]

❤❤❤ same.

[@blueskyalldayeveryday]

Same here

[@ragdollkid1338]

@@BanjoPixelSnackand it will keep on happening until they radically change the criteria to reflect how autism presents in most girls

[@BOABModels]

Talking about masking to fit in, I've realised one thing I do is try to present the best possible image of myself - my successes, my plans for the future etc. I think this can come accross as quite boastful and of course, why would anyone think there was something wrong with me when I'm always giving off that everything is absolutely fantastic.

[@visionvixxen]

Yes, the hardest part is there’s a whole lot of counseling and things about boundaries or psychodynamics and if you are neurodivergent have ADD or autism their expectations and the way they do things don’t work the same so there’s a real danger there and it can be really discouraging and demoralizing because everyone else is being helped and you’re still not being helped in spite of your best effort so you really give up on yourself so we really need a lot more specialist who well-versed in this

[@zburnham]

In 15-20 years nobody will be an ADA. They'll all have been identified in school. This is why nobody cares about this problem: if we ignore it, it WILL go away.

[@SideB1984]

@@visionvixxen exactly, I read all the books, followed Heidi Priebe and all the INFJ madness, all the autism channels, Jung shadow work, human design, trauma therapy for years, recently tried PT with a biopsychosocial model. She put me in the corner to regulate my nervous system, as if that’ll ever happen in this society! Can’t get help with my actual joint injuries from EDS when they want to bucket all of our stuff into “ANS dysregulation.” EMDR didn’t work one bit. Brainspotting either. The most progress I made was stopping ALL of that. Accepting myself right here. Same with pain dr- adverse med reactions shown on genetic report, lengthy list he disregarded and harmed me. Said it was all in my head in records, soooo board complaint. They are committed to mischaracterizing us.

[@MaroonIgnorance]

Along with saying “I love you,” something that really helps me and my partner is that we’ll both share “I appreciate you being calm when I got overstimulated; I’m sorry I raised my voice,” which provides clear context around the behavior, takes accountability, and voices gratitude for the other person’s kindness and patience in a stressful situation. As well as saying, “I understand why you got upset, we’re okay” on the receiving end to make sure the person knows their feelings are valid / they’re understood / and everything is okay between both people. Also, on another note, the “too much / not enough” is the bane of my existence…

[@KatjaTheAutiArtist]

Thank you so much.I was diagnosed ADHD at 8 but misdiagnosed bipolar at 23 and then not diagnosed as Autistic until 45 (THIS YEAR). It has been rough. I am still learning who I am luckily I have art and writing to help express myself.

[@zburnham]

Last year, 2 months after my 50th birthday. Nobody in my life loved me enough to notice. Not doctors, nurses, teachers, counselors, family. Nobody. People think that I shouldn't be angry about this, that I should chase "happiness", whatever delusional nonsense that is. Those people are wrong. I have every right to be furious and bitter about what has happened. Everyone in my life let me down. EVERYONE. You tell me why I should speak to ANYONE anymore.

[@mardellantolin2498]

Holding onto the anger is exhausting. You'll have to let go of it to improve your own life. My late diagnosis anger towards my childhood guardians faded about 1 yr post diagnosis. I'm now 4 years post diagnosis and I no longer think "If I'd known then, how would my life be different." At this stage I still have a hard time sticking to any of the lifestyle changes I've learned and tried but having the diagnosis has helped me understand myself better and be kinder to myself. Knowing why I continue to do things that have a negative impact on my life. And why I go through cycles of high energy, then don't complete the task or goal and end up with a low mode for at least a week or more or experiencing burnout from over working myself. Don't get me wrong, i still have moments where i feel angry at the cards i was dealt. Having big (and small) goals and dreams and the inability to implement or achieve them feels like hell on earth in my opinion. It's a real mind F*ck.

[@createwildescapes]

Hi Katja, I relate a lot to what you shared.

[@createwildescapes]

@@mardellantolin2498any books/ resources you recommend? I was abused by my family and I carry a lot from that, even though I want to let it go so badly.

[@Joy6168]

🤗I was diagnosed with ADHD at 8 or 9, art, music, dance, and writing have been ways to express myself, too!

[@Britbec]

8:14 I was diagnosed at 40, and I’ve never found my personal style. This hit me like a bus. Always trying to fit in somewhere and molding myself accordingly. Thanks for this interview!

[@Mikeymoo-x3p]

Learn how to not give a f*ck, then you're personal style will show itself. Understand the nature of reality.

[@aprilhumen1229]

Diagnosed at 42. I masked my whole life. I told a few people I am Close to, about my diagnosis and they look at you with disbelief. I understand why. I put on a great show of perfectionism and “normal.” I felt like I was trying to present the “evidence” to sway the few people I told to believe me. I don't owe anyone an explanation. I decided no one else needed to know what I was going through. Its too personal.

[@kimdeoliveira9483]

Yes!!!!!!!!

[@ElenaVasilenka]

I am 42 and I am just realizing I am on the spectrum and I was forced to be right handed since my early childhood years when I was born left handed . I am just realizing the deep effects it had on my entire life and how much I tried to be “ normal and accepted “ and truly a false version of myself …

[@aprilhumen1229]

@@ElenaVasilenka I feel you! The path forward is living in truth. 💗

[@dianeallen1143]

Be grateful it wasn't 62 (my story).

[@aprilhumen1229]

@@dianeallen1143 I am sure you are overwhelmed with emotions. You're not alone in this journey. Many of us are also navigating the waves of mourning and reflection. Discovering a diagnosis later in life is indeed a challenging reality to face. It prompts a deep introspection and a life review that can be quite intense to process.

[@TheAussieHobo]

I also experience very extreme depression. As a male it sucks too. Everyone runs away. I said to a mate the other day though, that I would rather cry everyday than never cry at all.

[@HaakonOdinsson]

I hear you friend. I feel this way as well, like yourself, I experience very bad depression (I wish I went to sleep and not wake up), a male, people run away and my friends/family dismiss me - you’re right, it’s hard, BUT, you are a fighter, keep fighting. I wish you have a really good day today and keep strong 💪

[@rachelguise9450]

I also feel the same sometimes think maybe it'd be easier if I wasn't here. We are not alone we do often feel very similar for sure. But we are fucking awesome people my friend

[@MonicaMolinar]

I am a mom of three adult males, one of whom is a highly sensitive person - always has been. He happened to be born into a family of opposites, in the sense that one parent “feels it all” and recognizes that there’s nothing wrong with shedding tears, whereas the other taught the old adage “boys don’t cry”. My son learned to stifle that part of him at an early age, for the most part, in order to “fit in” to the expectations around him. Though male, he became quite adept at what we now call “high masking”. Over time, he’s learned how to express himself more fully than he let himself do as a small boy. I’d just like to say that your feelings are valid. It could be necessary for you to sort of schedule your crying time. For example, perhaps your colleagues would not appreciate you wailing while they’re concentrating, and result of your crying on the job might lead to a firing. What about having your own time in the shower? That’s just a suggestion; I soak in the tub and use that time to process whatever I’m feeling on my own time. Generally, I have a long soak a couple of times a month; weekly, if I schedule my days the right way. I’m not a man, obviously. Thank goodness! To those of you whose sadness and frustration gets out of your body through tears instead of fists or whatever other implements are close at hand, good for you! Feel your feelings, whatever they may be, and do so in ways that don’t hurt anyone, including yourselves. Cheers!

[@Mandarintoenail1]

Hey friends, if you haven’t tried, B vitamin complex and magnesium makes the most noticeable difference for me. There are interesting nutritional things you may want to look into if you’re neurodivergent. I’m not a doc but late diag audhd. And I can feel a difference if I skip the vitamins. I’m not saying it’s an antidepressant but it turns that volume knob down for me as an anecdote. There are others I take but when I pay attention, those are the noticeable ones. Wish you all the best, it sucks living with depression your whole life

[@lllemon727]

@@MonicaMolinaremotional tears contain cortisol.

[@johnbillings5260]

Late dual diagnosed here. The two sides are always fighting it out. 😮‍💨

[@danielle4848]

Love seeing Ellie back on the podcast! I resonate with her so much and makes me feel less alone

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

This podcast has changed my life. I’ve booked a private assessment x

[@timbobshe]

I know I shouldn’t, but why is this therapy for me? This podcast once a week is so valuable to me. I always refer back what I’ve learned to my poor counsellor hahaha. Thank you again. You guys are the best.

[@jcck84]

you arent alone. i was just literally thinking the same thing.

[@donnellallan]

Ellie is such a smart, kind person. She helps me feel better about myself as a fellow AuDHDer. Thank you for this. 💜

[@mark0ta]

Omg this is so relatable 😭 I have been following you, Ellie, for some time already on LinkedIn, but never really got to actually watch some of your interviews or into reading your books (hi, ADHD me) - but now I see I have been missing big time here! It's so refreshing to see an AuDHD woman explaining how things work from female perspective

[@Dancestar1981]

Anxiety and Depression are symptoms of both conditions due to our experiences

[@HaakonOdinsson]

👏great comment this. This is how I see it as well. I’m diagnosed with depression and anxiety (and cptsd)…I should say, MISdiagnosed, but try telling the docs, they don’t listen, well, they don’t listen to me. Take care, all the best

[@blueskyalldayeveryday]

THIS! They are just symptoms in general, they shouldn’t be even listed as conditions.

[@andrewhilyear1885]

Thank you, awesome interview. This made me cry for the fact it was so relatable. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD at 54 & now 2 years later believe it’s autism as well.

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

Such a great interview…got me into a real good healing cry and a great reminder to call one of my dear few friends who loves me as I am

[@courtneyvaughn5226]

Ooof--the forward grief got me. Once the understanding sunk in, I've realized this is where I am. Working on how to turn this around. TYSM!

[@andrewturton3083]

Ellie is brilliant. Thanks for having her on the pod. So interesting 👏

[@34feemster]

Ever since i was diagnosed i started to fixate on learning more about adhd and just made me isolate but when i do get around people i show them the version of me that everyone gets along with

[@may22919]

So insightful. I related to all that Ellie shared, very helpful. Thank you for producing such great content Alex.

[@jeaniedelaney4711]

One time I felt really embarrassed and snuck out of a party and texted my friend when I got home to let her know. I didn’t really connect this with my neurodivergence. Great insight! ❤

[@StarShade-l7q]

The way I describe the AuDHD control is like a Star Trek bridge with a bunch of different me at the different stations, with the addition of a sailing ship steering wheel. I'm at the wheel and my ADHD Goblin is on one side and my Autism Dwarf is on the other side and we are all steering the ship. When our goals are aligned it's super easy to steer the ship if one has a better grip then it has more influence that direction and when they balance each other I can still steer but it's "stiffer" like old school non powered steering. Which is the most common.

[@jennamathews7506]

THAT’S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE IN MY HEAD EXACTLY!!!

[@JackAcid]

The dedication to the graveyard of domain names got me from the very start! 😅

[@leona2222]

Same! I had to laugh because this is me!

[@martinalemmerhofer6937]

😂 That hit hard!

[@timbobshe]

I feel called out once a week on my shit it hurts laughing xD

[@pixihummingbird5939]

Me too! And the last one I listened to hit me deep too - when your intuition warns you off someone, and everyone thinks you're being melodramatic, then that person turns out to be the SC of the earth but Noone apoligies for ridiculing or defriending you. Ah feel so home at last with everyone here. ❤

[@vanessaleblanc2583]

I sometimes find domains I totally forgot I owned, but my worst I can remember is forgetting to call my aunt to let her know I was running behind and had to cancel my visit. That was 8 years ago. I just realized that. We haven't spoken since.😔

[@AD-Dom]

I'm a 6'5" white-ish guy, and its true, gotta mask for the most part. Quality guest, great insights.

[@Seánybruv]

White-ish?

[@AD-Dom]

@@Seánybruv Mediterranean ...though lumped in with Caucasians usually. 🫒

[@stop8738]

@@AD-DomBro if you’re European and olive skinned you’re white.

[@hank_430]

Really loved this one, as a fellow Audhder- felt very seen 🥰

[@MsDeeVee]

Late diganosis at 24? Try 59. Gen Xers women are a lost generation. Few of us know what is wrong with them.

[@wowwee0]

I was 35 when diagnosed. I'm so mad at all the problems it caused in my life, I am very behind.

[@ragdollkid1338]

58 for autism and waiting for my ADHD diagnosis to be official

[@MearasRex]

54 yo, diagnosed at 52. Specific memories of school - especially the dreaded "eyes on the board please." That phrase screwed me up. If I looked at the board, I would zone out and get yelled at. If I doodled I was taking in the information but all the teachers thought I was screwing off. The worst bit was the Catch 22. And we were hit at school. Huge collection of paddles. I was scared shitless of those paddles. They ran my anxiety all through K-8. All 9 years I was the only pupil who never got a single swat. I sobbed with the diagnosis because I've masked to fit in my entire life.

[@t.terrell7037]

I concur!!

[@miriam4235]

If masking is such a big part of neuro divergence, the diagnosis standards need to drastically change to account for that. Just saying, we missed it because you didn't show it is victim blaming. In reality it's a gigantic failing of the people doing the diagnosing.

[@Laura-il5lo]

If appointments are only 20 min or 50 min, you can totally pretend to be normal the whole time and the psychiatrist can't really tell. You have to have a longer session where there is masking fatigue so you can see the signs peek through the masking. That's one reason why so much is missed.

[@ragdollkid1338]

It dates back to when they thought girls didn't get it. They didn't think people with ADHD would mask either. Diagnostic guidelines need updating radically

[@dmgrosas]

⁠@@Laura-il5loInteresting explanation. I wonder if that will happen in the future.

[@yellowmellow4753]

They did the best they could with what they knew.

[@teniast506]

I am 44 perimenopausing so everything is off at the moment.I am scared for the diagnosis as I am not sure what am I supposed to say because I don't even know how to be my self.

[@saffsholistichealth]

Yay love that there's another of Ellie on this podcast ☺️ just finished her first book. Defo will go read the second

[@Sdt526]

I’m high functioning, high masking, and my tactic was to make myself as in invisible as possible. I’m much older than you both, and as a child the doctor told my mum I was ‘highly strung’, and was extremely intelligent with no way to deal with it 🙄

[@Dancestar1981]

Huge cost especially when you do it your entire life and then don’t know who you actually are

[@windrock]

I feel that at 56 years. So weird.

[@angeleyes672]

I was diagnosed with autism at 42, and adhd at 44, its been a long hard life 😢 and being an adult now there us no support, adults get no help, only children get help

[@ragdollkid1338]

My kids are getting no support either

[@Mikeymoo-x3p]

Children get help before adults and the older you are the less help you get. Having said that, even children don't get anywhere near the support they need. In the UK the system is broken. It can now take 5 years and sometimes even 10 years to get a diagnosis. It's not something you should even consider relying on. Even once you've got the diagnosis there's then huge time gaps in any follow up treatment. There's only one solution and that's to go private. The difference is night and day. Ok it's expensive but beg, borrow or steal if you have to. It's one of the best investments you'll ever make in yourself.

[@ElenaVasilenka]

Sending you love! 42 and just realizing all this about myself here too

[@CarmenOrtiz440]

Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here

[@Rogerseegren271]

I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.

[@Eddington451]

The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well

[@LucyFernandez628]

I was having this constant, unbearable anxiety due to work stress. Not until I came across a very intelligent mycologist. He saved my life honestly

[@WalterFair130]

​@@Eddington451 I feel the same way . I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.

[@RicardoSilva12299]

​@@LucyFernandez628Does he deliver to various locations?

[@paddleduck5328]

This was a fantastic interview. Glad I stumbled on your channel today! Subbed.

[@KikiArcher-Cox]

when she said is everyone finding it difficult or is it just me, literally how I felt for the 18 years I wasn't diagnosed, I always thought "everyone finds it difficult I just have to push through"

[@OpalFedora92]

I have GAD with panic attacks that I take medicine for. But despite taking an adhd test for my therapist and being told I'm most likely on the spectrum, I was never told that I actually have adhd. My siblings also had me take an autism test and I could have that as well. I'm 32 and am going to make an appointment with a pyschiatrist to figure this stuff out. Also I had to look up RSD when you mentioned it and saw my childhood right in the definition!

[@Heather_Michelle]

As a 6'1" white chic, I've had to mask any anger or irritation because I'm immediately perceived as aggressive and am considered "intimidating" even though I force a smile 24/7... being very late diagnosed AuDHD (at 46) I'm learning how to drop that pleasant southern lady mask because the self betrayal that comes with that is no longer more important than preserving the feelings of others.

[@richardveurman7195]

Healthy boundaries are hard to create but very important. Im also perceived as intimidating as a 6'4 male when upset. So people used to try to keep me in a box by means of bullying and exclusion. I always tried to be on the good side of people and question if what I did or said was done right for the other person. Nowadays I try to do just what I think is right and im sure of myself that I do things with the best intentions in mind. So being a egoistic is a good thing because thats what society is filled with. When you start putting up those healthy boundaries you can quickly identify who is meant to stay and who is not.

[@Prince_Rurik]

Felt this to the core

[@Blinkybottom]

I was in therapy for two year's and I said I'm getting along great with this ADHD and I was told no you've BPD. Although fitted the traits of BPD I always thought myself I'm Autistic with ADHD. Thankfully these days I cope so it doesn't matter but these are not a million miles away from each other.

[@michealyoung2576]

I hate feeling like this it really gets me down , I hate feeling that as I child I was told by both my parents that "children should be seen and not heard" and when I had a valid point to make my parents would both tell me I could have opinions when I am 16 ( I was maybe 13 or 14 and was bullied at school and had no friends , my parents never assisted me in any school work) , when I got to 16 the goals posts moved to "when you get a job then you can have a opinion , whenever I challenged this notion they said"your being difficult and if you do not like these rules maybe you should move out" this was there "GO TO SAYING" our rules our house. Now I really struggle to feel like I am listened to and this effects me as I feel like I cannot fully explain myself to my wife as she is calm and I am ANGRY , I have now recently discovered as a 51 year old that these emotions and my inability to control them is due to recently being diagnosed as having ADHD and also this is due to "neglect and being alone without my parents and having to be in charge ie I am the oldest so therefore I am in charge at home when they were out at the pub getting hammered , my dad cheated on my mum on many occasions so all my life I have felt alone. You said to try to take yourself away from the situation but I find it so hard in that moment to have some form of clarity to make the right judgement call , and even if the other person has done me wrong or inconvenienced me , my actions always seem like the greatest inconvenience and this effects my immediate family ie wife and kids. The actions of others which cause me emotional dysregulation then impact me and everyone around me , this is really getting me down and I sometimes feel that the way out would be to drink loads of alcohol and take lots of tablets and just kill myself , then all this shit will go away. Sorry for the long message I felt compelled to get these thoughts out as I often cannot get out of my "children should be seen and not heard mentality" anyway I am writing this in the hope that I am not the only one feeling this way. I really feel alone in my thoughts and my wife tells me that I am my own person but I choose to make the safe stupid mistakes , but I cannot help feeling sadness and feeling depressed that my other half and my children would be better of without me , ever me being dead or just living alone. Your youtube clip cut me pretty hard but it does not resonate with anyone else , I am struggling so bad to keep my thoughts to myself and I feel that when ever "mr angry turns up" it is misinterpreted as "you do not care" I do but I just really struggle. Anyway nobody will be interested or reply , so have a Wonderful Day. M

[@nadirahussain4808]

I've never felt more seen, heard or understood, thank you so much 🥹❤️ I was late diagnosed at 34 two years ago and it's been a journey. The cycles of high and burnout is literally my life, currently in a burnout period now and feel so so so comforted to know I'm not alone. Thank you so much ❤️

[@Sina-aka-potatosupreme]

Omg. In the first 1,5 minutes I am crying. This is for the people with too many domain names. Fuck. That hit hard.

[@blessed7927]

I really enjoyed her A LOT. Relatable.

[@Hardworlder82]

I loved going to gigs and festivals in my 20s, I would say I was really nerdy about the music I listened to and got on well with alot of people in the music scene. I was very hyper and full on joker at these times, but behind that had alot of anxiety/paranoia about how I was perceived. I was trying to fit in and felt I never new enough, I guess I masked alot. There were always a few people I Didn't mix well with and I felt alot of impostor syndrome. I still love my music but I don't don't socialise or listen to or retain information anymore. I Feel my music loves, hobbies and interests and melting away and it's extremely isolating.

[@maja-kehn9130]

I can really relate to what Elli said about masking. I´. m 33 f and was diagnosed with depression in 2021 and with ADHD this year. For me masking has been something I´ve done subcontiously for as long as I can remember even as a little kid. So I don´t really know who I am. I think I am the closest to the "real" me when I am with either of my 2 best friends because even with my family I slip into the role of the daughter or younger sister and I don´t really show my family when I feeling really down because I don´t want to burden them. Getting my ADHD diagnosis explained so much about my childhood in hindsight it´s really surprising that no one noticed before. But I think it also has to do with the fact that my mum has undiagnosed ADHD had to deal with it for 67 years.

[@Adz-NZ]

You had me at "you have a graveyard of domain names" lol

[@MaidenAriana]

OUCH! I own 45 domain names and close to 40 are brilliant ideas I fully intend to still get to.. anyway thanks for dedicating the episode to me ;)

[@raggedyA970]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am wondering if those skits re: RSD by your friend Lana are available online. I am newly diagnosed AuDHD at the age of 54 and trying really hard to understand RSD in all it's forms.

[@lynnedavison9148]

This so resonates with me. I am 53 now and I was diagnosed earlier this year with Autism after being on the waiting list for 2 years. I am now on the Psychiatry UK waiting list for ADHD assessment. Going through the Autism assessment I had all my school reports age 5 to 16 and knowing what I know now about ASD and ADHD it is so obvious to me that I have both. I can see in my school reports that during the last few years at Primary School I started to mask - people please and so on. I'm learning about how I have Alexithymia and when I was younger OCD and RSD as well as how my neurodiversity affects my diet. I have never been diagnosed with mental health issues before and that could be because of the Alexithymia and I also have Aphantasia so I tend to live more in present as I can't visualise which can affect memory of occasions and incidents. Hitting the menopause is causing symptoms to intensify particularly the overwhelm. I don't to have meltdowns as people recognise it is more shutdown and hiding away from people to recover.

[@lynnedavison9148]

I get what Ellie is saying about misunderstandings - as I reached 40's plus it wasn't a case of not caring it was a case of realising didn't have to say yes and put self out as people will/can understand if you say no they are not going to hate you or think bad of you. You also start to recognise with experience to be kinder to yourself and accept not everyone is going to understand or like you.

[@lynnedavison9148]

Thoroughly empathise with the washing machine constantly washing same load.

[@lynnedavison9148]

Get the boundaries conversation at work is so familiar

[@NFSMAN50]

The legend herself Ellie speaks!!! The unmasking part is so true. People will react very differently based on who you are as a person. If I unmasked, people would not be kind towards someone like me. Im a man of color and it's very true. Women, people of color etc are more likely to be late diagnosed or undiagnosed, because the traits are looked over and past for people like us, and we don't get the same treatment and help needed. The trying to fit in with the popular kids is soo true lol, I was guilty of doing this in middle school, because i thought that i would be safe and loved, if i was associated with the cool kids, and felt insecure about being around the unpopular kids, but those thoughts were wrong. I agree, its good to have a few true friends, than 100 fake friends. I was diagnosed with autism at a young age, but I struggled too, and faced discrimination for it.

[@visionvixxen]

I remember watching popular people, especially one of them and the way she talks how she jokes the way she moves and certain clothes actually thought I’d be liked more if I did all that stuff I also remember studying human behavior so much I mean, not as an interest, but also as a need and needing to dance and take acting after high school just in my head, it was to become human. It really was. I always felt like I needed to learn how to become human or become like a real person like Pinocchio needed to become a real boy, but I’ve been diagnosed supposedly with this and then anxiety, but then it became bipolar, but then someone thought all of that was more due to my ADD and when I had a niece was born with autism, and I tried every medication and everything else but still having the same problems that were the main problems Realize I’m most likely high masking as well as a lot of them in my family so anyways, I don’t know what I am now but I know it’s a combination of things and most AudHD Really want to know for health reasons because while medication help me, they haven’t solved anything major as far as how I think and how I navigate my way through the world they’ve either help with my mood or spread me off or slow me down by them and more than just the executive function things you think a stimulant would help so at the end of the day if I ever go back to work or go back to school, I really wanna Understand what I’ve gotten into so many programs and I’ve been asked to leave hundreds of thousand dollars later and been demoralized and wonder how I got in if it was so hard for me to understand and so this is a real problem and it will ruin your life, so I hope there’s a lot more help for people like mewomen who are pretty smart on in life because your whole life will be ruined and you’ll be so tired of disappointing people in spite of your effort and no one deserves this

[@Blou-]

I agree! maybe it will get better with more understanding of it more awareness I mean I really hope 🙏💚💚💚

[@Gimenez528Hz]

I have adhd. I am in Spain, right now and really struggling with the food situation. I'm also a vegetarian. The smells, looks and textures of spanish food is making me feel sick .. it stinks Masking .. where do I even begin 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@paddleduck5328]

😂 1:20:10 omg this was great. Thank you for doing this! I feel so less awful about it

[@Dancestar1981]

Diagnosis was the same for me didn’t get my autism diagnosis until 23 and combined adhd at age 42

[@karlthemountaingoat7386]

I appreciate that we are starting to spread awareness about ADHD , autism and other neurological divergencies but what I don't think is healthy or rather something I find insulting is that those who are not nerodivergent attaching non diagnosed/self diagnosed nerodivergent disorders to themselves to excuse their behavior. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7 and have struggled with it inti adulthood and only now starting to understand myself and why I have lived this way and I feel that these imposter's diminish the struggle we go through. Thank you for your work in this area.

[@Blinkybottom]

I've been to over 170 concert's amd never stayed until the end. I can't handle the crowd at the end.

[@indiacampbell7512]

PLEASE HELP: I am from the UK and I have been fighting with myself for YEARS wondering what is wrong with me, looking up all different mental health disorders, being diagnosed with anxiety, depression, low self esteem. But I always felt there is something else wrong with me, so I’ve looked up every mental health condition under the sun, related with some symptoms but then looking at the whole picture and not really thinking it could be those things as I also had conflicting traits. But this video, I have never related to anything more in my whole entire life. Everything that has been said I can relate to on such a huge level and I feel like this is a breakthrough. But I’m 24 now and have no idea how to go about getting a real diagnosis. How do I go about this? I’ve always been in such a conflict with myself and never been able to explain how I feel or why, and I’ve always felt so massively misunderstood to the point that I am doubting myself when other people challenge me about certain traits. I’ve always felt completely on guard and worrying and anxious and wanting to conquer the world, but when it comes to things I’m extremely forgetful and lack motivation. There is a real sense of constant shame for this but also feeling completely helpless in how to fix this or re-wire my brain. Any help/advice would be massively appreciated.

[@francescathomas3502]

Copy and paste everything you just said (above) to a piece of paper and show it to your Family Doctor so they can read it. And ask for a referral to a Psychologist. Once you get that referral then you can talk to them and hopefully they can help. Just be aware that the process is slow - may take several months - so you will have to be patient. I am also in the process of doing this as well. If you don't have a family doctor, try speaking to someone at the walk in clinic or the ER dept. Mental health is very important and you should not be ignored.

[@kt96282]

I hear you and totally understand where you’re at as I’m re-experiencing the same thing now. I recently found a psychiatry office in my state (US) that offers virtual evaluations (might be several appointments in order to break down your mask) and got mine scheduled about 2 weeks out from when I called. Mine is with a psychiatric physicians assistant so depending on where you live you may not need to go as high as a psychiatrist or psychologist. Happy to answer any more questions you have!! Also I found the book “Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum” by Sarah Hendrickx to be super enlightening and validating if you want to check it out!

[@Bexy2080]

This feels like my exact story

[@georgeteare]

Firstly, great channel, and v stimulating content. Just to question some things though. I think even Nt, not just nd have to mask themselves. Picking up on accents around you, wearing what other people wear, leaving parties early without explanation, surely this doesn't simply make someone Nd? Finding who we truly are is difficult for anyone and we all need a sense of belonging otherwise we wouldn't survive. In terms of social battery, if someone is v introverted that will also runout quite quickly, doesn't necessarily make them Nd? Or is what they are saying is that Nd have to do this even more than Nt people? Any feedback welcome!

[@ragdollkid1338]

I don't think NT people mask at all. They may present themselves to a boss differently but I don't think it's masking

[@DefinetelyNotAnAlien]

Masking by ND people goes usually MUCH deeper and may have catastrophic consequences. Everyone masks their trueself from time to time - that is what NTs experience but the ND masking experience on average can be absolutely harrowing. ND masking means for many of us that at no point we feel safe to be us, to the point that many of us have terrible identity crisis. There is a big part of us who actively loathe ourselves because without our mask we could face bullying for our (harmless!) symptoms. Something other ND people have pointed out which describes the ND masking experience painfully well is that we fear being seen - ACTUALLY seen - at all. Some of us cannot even take off the mask when we are alone, many of us are deeply ashamed of who we are. This level of masking is on average VERY different from average NT masking. It might be comparable to an extreme version of people pleasing and fawning - erasing yourself wherever you go, no matter how much you destroy yourself, so you won't be met with abandonement and bullying for being disabled. Of course this does not apoly the same to all ND or all NT people but the differences are far too big to ignore because being disabled makes you an easier target for standing out, therefore inherently more vulnerable to criticism or mistreatment. Masking to a high degree can be insanely harmful.

[@createwildescapes]

Im 36, late diagnosed, and life is getting unlivable.

[@piaberling2078]

I apologize, but my ears are bleeding (....)... Leaving a group of people is difficult. I just want to stand up, and leave. But then I know people will start to talk about me and how weird I was. So I don"t leave, ha ha! The normal thing is to stand up and say "this has been nice, buit now I have to go. See you soon!..." I should feel like I am running my own life, but often I act like a hostage in social situations. Can"t enjoy more than 30 mins with people. Then the boredom sets in

[@toomylight2311]

It’s called an Irish goodbye here ! It’s the norm ! 😂

[@lauraofeno3941]

Blunt. I have a motto: “Candor freely dispensed; tact’ll cost ya.”

[@KatjaTheAutiArtist]

Ellie got me to subscribe.

[@bringitbex]

Love Ellie

[@csharpe5787]

Great idea with the sweets. Unfortunately nowadays in school the misery police wouldn’t let you eat them!

[@cthulhucrews6602]

So what did you do yesterday? Is a question I frigging hate to be asked. Lied in bed, read the same comic for the 300th time, tried to do that thing I'm supposed to do for the online course I started almost a year ago, felt guilty about not doing it, and tried to hide it by organising my drawer or playing videogames. Felt more guilty.

[@shortstuffs0113]

The microphone is too good - I can hear everyone's mouth sounds. I wanted to listen to this but I'm sorry I can't 😭

[@stampandscrap7494]

Yes it yuk

[@rosehill9537]

I turned off sound and turned on subtitles. It was too much for me.

[@shortstuffs0113]

@@rosehill9537 Good idea, I like to listen instead of watch though so I put it on 1.5x speed, that helped. 😌

[@Blou-]

I think it’s that thing in her hand

[@shortstuffs0113]

@@Blou- Ooh yeah I think you're right, mic is still too good though

[@YesBruv105]

Leaving a party without saying goodbye is the strategically smart thing to do. Most people are drunk, it will take forever to say goodbye, they will try and get you to stay but won't remember it anyway. So if you just leave, it's way quicker, less draining, less annoying, and people don't really notice because they are drunk anyway. So don't worry that people think you were rude. It's the best way to leave. They are more likely to miss remember you to be rude if you try and say goodbye to everyone and they drunkenly try to get you to stay and create an awkward situation because they are drunk. Just go, and text them the next day that it was a great party and lovely to see them. 🤷

[@camadams9149]

19:16 I do one last swing around the event, individually saying goodbye to the new people I want to hang out with again. I say something generic like: [generic how much fun I had] [generic I get burned out by late/large/new social things so im about to head home] [specific reference to doing activity together we talked about previously + give my number] [generic throw in general availability next week ex after 6. thursday/friday] [well wishes, generic leaving excuse to say by to rest of people] It's what's happening, it's quick, it "makes sense" so its not off putting, it clarifies its not a nicety & you do want to hangout again

[@paddleduck5328]

10:20 lol I do this and people have given me a hard time for it. It wasn’t even intentional or consciously done I don’t think 😄

[@forgesoulfire1320]

Been diagnosed since like age 6, with ADHD. Didn't have any treatment or earnest support network in place for most of the thirty years since, only recently had my attention drawn to the overlap of my issues in that time and being possibly AuDHD and not just ADHD... I'm not in any hurry to diagnose the autism as the process is a shite show among shite shows and I'm not in any hurry to have those stressers added to my life right now..

[@leilap2495]

Is a support worker the same as a caregiver?

[@wowwee0]

Generally a support worker is a paid job but a caregiver can be a relative or friend who is caring for someone and not being paid.

[@pegstervegas]

I would like to watch this entire video but my phone battery is about to die and I have 9 charging cords next to me, none are the right kind for my phone and even if they were, I have no idea where any of my 19 usb plugs are. The pain is very real.

[@stevepascoe]

43 yo. Just diagnosed ADHD. Hello 👋

[@paddleduck5328]

12:40 wow well said

[@Pinksnyc1]

My 15 yr. old daughter has the same diagnosis and is going through what Ellie is referring to. I am curious to learn how the relationship with parents and siblings were growing up. My daughter is definitely busy in herself and does not relate to anyone in the family and often gets mad at us.

[@delilacain7882]

one advantage of having to go the laundromat is you CANNOT forget your laundry!

[@aanler]

I recognize so much of this 😑

[@Dancestar1981]

Dopamine reward for having a hard deadline

[@SweetChillieBeat]

Gotta hit this at x2 speed to max the adhd out

[@BipolarCourage]

Was cyclothymia ever suggested for these cycles? The "crash & burns", low mood etc. I am diagnosed bipolar disorder & it has cycles of being productive & energised, mood crashes, low mood with no energy. Can also have impulsivity. Clinicians need to take care with diagnosing as so many things look similar. Meds for depression or ADHD can make things worse if have an underlying bipolar disorder. There is a misconception that meds & therapy can "fix" things. They are tools to help manage. All Ellie's stuff I have seen seems like a brand of happy smiley person who is into fashion. Comes across as performative. Typical of social media influencers out to make money from promoting stuff deep down they probably don't believe in.

[@RenTheWren]

Bipolar is a common misdiagnosis for people with ADHD as well. They can look a lot like each other, but since she's managing so well now that she comes across as just a happy smily person who's into fashion, it's quite likely that her diagnosis was right on target and her treatment actually makes her more functional.

[@timbobshe]

I feel you! Eupd here. It’s insane how quickly they dish personality disorders like they’re nothing. It’s so dangerous and destructive being doped up and not being able to access the right support. I wished I could get mine removed. Never going to happen. Hope you’re doing alright. Enjoy your recent hobby xD

[@BipolarCourage]

​@@RenTheWren there are several disorders which can look similar to each other. Hence a decent clinician will be thorough. Meds for depression and ADHD can actually worsen things if the person has bipolar disorder. It's just ironic she evangelises "unmasking" yet all her social media brand as an influencer is deliberately posed etc. As "dopamine dressing" (cringe phrase). She even admitted in this video that feels like faking it as an influencer. Mimicking popular people to become popular. (Calling this "masking").

[@BipolarCourage]

@@timbobshe were you offered any therapy?

[@RenTheWren]

I don't understand the point you're trying to make here 😅

[@toomylight2311]

I was diagnosed with ADEFGHZ !! 🙄🙄🙄🙄

[@Crazydude10001]

I love her she’s just like me

[@whatwherewho86]

This resonates so much with my experience, but I still feel like a complete fraud / imposter / failure.

[@YesBruv105]

People who cannot mask at all are the real problem. 😆 Everyone has to or will mask/ code switch/ etc, in order to get along with different people in different situations.

[@maoriprincezz4]

OM! can we be friends! 🤦🏽‍♀️😁💙

[@thecoll4gechronicles]

that dress and running 😅shoes combo

[@Secondhandlegs]

I masked for so long, I developed a personality disorder. Therapy and a good Psychiatrist are EVERYTHING ❤️‍🩹

[@Dancestar1981]

The chameleon effect

[@YesBruv105]

Also re. Masking. It is common sense for anyone to hide vulnerability for most people. Showing vulnerability is dangerous. People who think it is a strength to display vulnerability, usually become controlling through their self pronounced victimhood, which also attracts bad company. eg. 'I am a victim of 'x,y,z' so you must treat me like this, otherwise I will socially shame you as a bad, ignorant person'... Which then attracts people who want to virtue signal how better than and caring and knowledgeable they are by joining in on the shaming of someone else. (How woke politics works basically). 'Always tell the truth or at least don't lie'. Does not mean, wear your heart on you sleeve and then be controlling with it. The bottom line is the same for everyone, even if the personal experience is different. There will be very few people in anyone's life that one can show their vulnerability and true self to, and it not be dangerous. Know yourself honestly and manage yourself honestly. If people don't like that, then move away from them. One cannot be everyone's cup of tea, nor should one want to be.

[@jlppjo]

😂A GRAVEYARD OF DOMAIN NAMES!!!!!! holy moly🤣😂

[@manephewlenny6401]

Had to stop at 1:17 as I'm very offended by that remark, I'll come back and watch the entire thing over the next year probably.

[@howareyou857]

What's the issue?

[@ArcticNya]

Probaby being called out for having a domain name graveyard? I didn't realize that was an AuDHD thing but I definitely felt that 😂 ​@howareyou857

[@sheridans6399]

That's the ADHD Chatter logo 🤔

[@biancacolmenares620]

So she ended a best friendship at least partially because she doesn’t think she has autism? How toxic. Especially because she has a pretty old school definition of it.

[@YesBruv105]

It's really hard to differentiate between masking and normie masking to fit in and make friends. Particularly for women, as they are the physically weaker sex, they are very focused on the need to be liked or popular for survival. Women are more socially aggressive, passive aggressive which can be very confusing for girls on the spectrum and why they can often be tomboys and prefer male company, as males will be more blunt and direct, so at least you know where you stand. As a different kind of person I 'hid' or blended in with the Punk scene. So my difference is put down to being a punk and not being on the spectrum.

[@belindarichards2582]

How do these people manage to be sooo accomplished if they really have the problems they say they have? She sounds like she has an entourage of helpers yet sounds so sorry for herself.

[@SideB1984]

You didn’t listen to the video or take to heart anything she shared if you ask this question and maintain this low empathy perspective.