Autism and Executive Function (My Executive Functioning Fail!)

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

Ah man! When I have several priorities of the same importance, that's when my stress levels go up and I will sometimes shut down; because in my mind all of these things need to be done right now. But since I can't do everything at once, I get overwhelmed, my anxiety goes up, and I become paralyzed as I sit there and do nothing; not wanting time to pass (because I feel like there is never enough).

[@insightbytes2136]

So me too

[@anyascelticcreations]

Same! Only I keep moving doing one task at a time while the suppresssd anxiety eats me up inside. Every single morning is this way for me.

[@sugoiharris1348]

Same!! Yeah me so grateful for my husband who can step in and help me make choices at times like this. He’s wonderful and doesn’t make the choices for me (unless that what I need at that moment) but helps me prioritize when I just can’t.

[@ordinarypigeon6918]

Yeah, this is hell for me. The amount of complaints I got before my diagnosis is nuts. Depending on where you are, you should look into accommodations. I am now allowed to move deadlines at work a bit which makes things a lot easier because my boss vets my tasks and tells me which ones I can move around when a lot have the same priority.

[@MrStefanuzumaki]

This makes organizing anything a hell for me which i need a multitude of breaks from.

[@MrTonyJ]

ASD, ADHD and NVLD are really connected and have a lot of overlap. We need one big neurodiverse community because there is a lot we can learn from each other.

[@anyascelticcreations]

Sign me up. Clinically disgnosed with ADHD, self diagnosed with ASD, and very well might have NVLD. Though, the community would have to be online for me to participate because in-person social interaction takes too much energy for me.

[@nancyzehr3679]

Yes! We could make groceries together and take the fear out of it!

[@danielperales3958]

Even tho I'm not in any of these neurological conditions officially, i strongly agree w this idea

[@micheletaylor3941]

What is NVLD? I was diagnosed with asperger's, PPD, and general anxiety, in late 2012/early 2013. This year I turned 55, on 3/17.

[@nancyzehr3679]

@@micheletaylor3941 Happy Birthday!! I have no idea what NVLD is. Nevada Landuse Department?

[@anyascelticcreations]

I used to be absolutely horrible at executive function. Though, I didn't know what it was called back then. I was diagnosed with ADHD at around 25 and sought out a psychologist experienced in that to help me learn to function better. She was tremendously helpful to me! One of the things I learned is to accept that I won't remember things on my own. If I have an appointment, write it down. I use an online callender for everything now, including having alarms set within the calendar. And she said, if I needed to remember to bring something with me someplace, place it where I couldn't possibly avoid it - like right in front of the door. Or if I had to stop somewhere on my way to somewhere else, place an item on the dashboard to iritate me and remind me to stop. That was a long time ago. I'm 47 now. And am recently self-diagnosed with autism as well. And I have been using techniques like that for so long now that it is almost second nature to now. It makes life so much easier for me. That being said, I almost missed a very important appointment this week. An appointment to see a primary care physician for the first time in roughly 15 years. It was a BIG deal to me. I had it in my calendar. I had an additional alarm set. I went to bed thinking of it. And in the morning I woke up past the time that the alarm should have gone off. I looked at the alarm and realized that I had set it for the wrong day. It wasn't actually set for that morning at all! So, had I not woken up, by chance, on my own, at a time that I was not usually up, I would have missed this appointment completely. Which I almost did! I did make it to the appointment. But only by skipping taking care of my dog and my cats that morning. They didn't get breakfast until after I got back. (Which was fine, because it was earlier than we were usually up anyway.) But, still. If it had been an appointment that would have taken more time, I wouldn't have been able to get there by skiping feeding my pets first. (I still feel bad about making them wait.) This tells me that I am still very capable of messing up important things like that. This kind of mistake used to be very common for me. And I have actually missed many important things and been late to almost everything throughout my life. No matter how hard I tried. I was well known for that. I think I mostly don't notice much anymore because I do set so many reminders now. And because I've arranged my life so that I very rarely have anything to miss anymore. I know. That was long. But hey, that's how we on the autistic spectrum write. Detailed and long. So, at least I am at home here.

[@reneesolana6697]

“ And I have actually missed many important things and been late to almost everything throughout my life. No matter how hard I tried. I was well known for that. ” I can totally relate to this! It is so challenging when you try so hard and yet still can be late anyway, and often. PS: I really enjoyed reading and didn’t notice anything too long or too detailed! You painted the picture and it was relatable and valuable to me, so thanks for sharing your experiences :)

[@anyascelticcreations]

@@reneesolana6697 Awe, thank you so much! 🤗 It is hard, isn't it? I was actually told many times that I would be late to my own funeral. I truly do try my best to be on time. But I seem incapable of being consistently on time. Even for dates with a guy who I really loved. I finally started just leaving my door unlocked if he was coming over and told him to just come in while I finished getting ready. Because I knew that I wouldn't be ready. He was remarkably patient about that. 💖 Now I have basically cut out from my life just about everything that requires being anywhere at a specific time. (I didn't cut out the guy. He left on his own.) Thank you for the kind reply! Hugs!

[@s66iw]

Your story is very, very close to mine; I could've written it. I use the same kind of tricks & mechanisms to some success but, just like you illustrated, a single slip-up can lead to many complications. I have to keep constant vigilance or things start to unravel. That can get heavy at times, but also allows me to do things I like that I couldn't otherwise. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@cottage_pie]

I ain’t reading all of that. This is KZbin, not a book.

[@jliller]

"if I needed to remember to bring something with me someplace, place it where I couldn't possibly avoid it - like right in front of the door." Long ago I adopted the "all in one basket" approach. Everything I need to take with me goes in a pile in the same place so that even if I only consciously remember 1 of 5 items I effectively remember all 5.

[@katheriney8318]

Using Google Calendar has really saved me. I have had ao many "fails" like the ones you shared, and using the electronic calendar, with lots of reminders, has helped. However, even with this tool, I have had important things slip. It's always a source of anxiety that I will forget something.

[@cani.j]

You can use Google Tasks and hide it in Google Calender but still get reminders about the tasks. This way the calendar doesn't look cluttered. That's how I do it. I also found - after comparing several free android apps - that Google Calendar works best for me.

[@meagandoodlebug]

I don't have a diagnosis, but I've suspected that I may be on the spectrum for a couple of years. Executive functioning is the area I struggle with the most. Before I started researching and found out about executive disfunction I would describe it as my brain felt like it was "buffering." I get stuck between simple tasks and it feels like my brain is spinning -and then I end up feeling overwhelmed and I don't get anything done. Right now I need a marker board calendar, a pocket calendar, and a more general notebook to keep track of day to day stuff.

[@martins3776]

Hmm, the buffering idea could be on the nail and fit the possible prior burnout of my other comment- is that pre-task thinking then burnout before starting feeling one you get as if you do maybe the buffering feeling is it's done all that over-pre-prep for the task (possibly both consciously and subconsciously) and it's trying to upload it- if so is there a way for us on the spectrum to bridge that gap, maybe something just before the task start that allows the brain to upload its readiness or get over whatever other block it's putting in the way, can't help feeling if you could solve how to let the autie brain do the task the way it's trying to (which could differ for different people) maybe it could solve this problem, possibly even be an advantage?

[@jamie3039]

Do you plan out your day (to-do list) before you start your tasks? Some people like to do this the night before but I like to wind down at night and not be worried about the next day so much. So in the morning I evaluate what I need to do (this works for housework, but obviously if you have special appointments to keep, it's useful to know that the night before!). For those of us with executive function challenges, planning (including things like shopping lists) take a lot of mental effort and are exhausting for us. So the experts say we should separate the planning from the doing. Set a time where you are just making your plan and then spend the other time just doing the items on your list. Instead of trying to plan as you go and decide what you should do next. That way you have enough mental energy for both things and you eliminate anxiety.

[@visionvixxen]

Yep and add meds and other stuff did not help. This affects your brain in so many ways that typical psychology/Paychiatry/teaching. Typical anything does not work!!!! And then it becomes completely demoralizing because you wonder why it works for everyone else who seems less smart or less together than you and you can’t seem to get it right in spite of all this hell that’s when I started looking at what’s really behind a lot of my stuff and noticing people in my family and I’m pretty sure unless his brain damage I’ve even had a neuropsych eval but unless it’s I don’t know I’m pretty sure it’s definitely thus

[@visionvixxen]

@@jamie3039 I would love to plan, but it’s amazing without the structure and with all of these open decisions and times and what not I found I’ve absolutely not been able to plan. I also don’t have the skills for deciding what I want long-term and if I can do it and being sure why I’m doing it and just being able to parse things out in the calendar it’s it’s crazy how impossible it is for me I almost feel like it be easier if I had stuff to do

[@enthusia492]

I was diagnosed just last Summer at the age of 29. Asperger's, ADD, Dysthymia (Persistent Depressive Disorder), Generalized Anxiety, and Executive Function Defecits. It's really helped me learn a lot more about myself and how my brain works. A good example of my defecits in executive function is when gift shopping for my wife. She does a great job. Very creative and thoughtful gift ideas. For me, I just get paralyzed by the options and am unable to make a decision. She tells me "You've known me for 10 years, you should know what I like by now!" But when it comes to Fashion for example, there are so many hundreds of different brands, styles, colors. I wouldn't want to pick the wrong thing! If I walked into a Macy's, I wouldn't even know where to start. Clothes? Do I get her a shirt? pants? dress? Summer outfit or something for work? Maybe shoes? Does she want flats? sandals? heels? boots? moccasins? Jewelry is tough. I know she likes diamonds (what girl doesn't?), but do I get a bracelet? ring? earrings? Necklace? You get the idea. I do much better when she gives me a wishlist of a bunch of things that she might want, then I just grab from that list.

[@e9s42tv69mo]

I hear you, I run into the same thing with my husband, after 25 yrs married I still never quite get him what he wants for a gift. Me? He gets it right ever time. the solution that works? Just give him cash, he'll get what he needs

[@magz9030]

I’ve got a suggestion! My husband and I have landed on creating long gift lists of things we want. That way, we’re helping each other out with not having to guess at what the other person wants. And since it’s a large list, it’s less likely we’ll know what the other person has gotten us when the packages arrive in the mail.

[@CrisPearson]

I feel anxious just reading that! :)

[@archienness]

I have a version of that - I keep everything in a calendar just like you do, but I also have the further problem sometimes of knowing what I need to do, but being unable to make myself do it. It's like a giant boulder suddenly appears in my path and I just can't find a way over or around it or face tackling it at all. I think that's related to the Task Initiation aspect of Executive Functioning (or sometimes Task Switching). One strategy is to break down the first step into even smaller ones to find the very first tiny step I can make myself do -- grabbing a bit of momentum can get things back on track.

[@jadeyvette]

I totally get the boulder blocking you. I have that too.

[@toothsometofu]

I so feel this! Sometimes it helps me to break the task down into the simplest steps so I can see the way to start.

[@anyascelticcreations]

Me, too! When my mom used to ask me to clean my room I literally had no idea where to start, so I couldn't do it. Unless she told me what order to do it in, and then I was fine. And if I sat down to do my homework by myself I literally could not force myself to move that bolder to do the homework. I just sat there staring at it feeling like throwing up. But if my mom asked me any individual question from my homework I could do it easily. Unfortunately, that wasn't the way homework time went. I was just told to get it done. (Apparently my parents thought that I would just get over my problem if they told me to do it and didn't help.) Which meant I just stopped bringing homework home so the issue would be gone.

[@archienness]

@@anyascelticcreations That's why it's so important to identify and understand these things, both for ourselves and for children, so we can develop strategies to function well.

[@anyascelticcreations]

@@archienness I agree. I do much better now that I understand better how I function. Though to be honest, I have mostly eliminated things from my life that are extremely difficult for me to do. And what I do have to do, I go at in small pieces if I can. Funny enough, I would probably be a fairly decent parent because I am very understanding of these things. But I chose not to have any kids. Hopefully more people will learn, though. So that growing up can be easier for kids going forward.

[@domsusefulstuff]

This came at the perfect time for me; I've been thinking about this exact problem and your explanation helped so much. I recently made a really simple but big mistake planning a trip even though I was going through every single detail and part of the issue was that once I think something is settled I turn it off so that I don't keep going over it. Most of the time it's great but it can lead to some big misses. In terms of strategies, I also use my calendar-if it's not in there it doesn't exist. Day-to-day I use so many timers and alarms. I'm constantly telling Siri to remind me about things later so that I can turn it off in my brain. This is also a big part of why going out without planning stresses me out; it means I have to recheck a bunch of things that I've already assigned a time and space to. Thank you so much for this insight.

[@kathryncollins8708]

Some of The most stressful things for me would be having someone for dinner (what to make, what time to eat, do they like it, is it what would be expected etc etc) Same for pot-lucks. My mind goes blank and I get anxious when people ask what I can bring. Not sure why

[@reneesolana6697]

I definitely have the same issue with cooking for other people! I really want them to like whatever I made and spend a lot of time trying to decide and then even more time trying to figure out if they like it

[@turtleanton6539]

Same. I just buy out it is so much easier

[@Tilly850]

The blank mind thing...oh yes! And I hate figuring out what to bring for foods, even though I am a decent cook. I'm so afraid I will forget to get the ingredients or forget to cook it on time...mess it up and be left with nothing to bring...or serve. Awful.

[@lucidviolin1298]

This basically just explained everything I’ve been struggling with my entire life, especially the past three years which is when life has gotten very chaotic.. what to do about it…

[@ang3lod3ath99]

I was diagnosed in 2018 at age 47 & it was a damn miracle. I do SO MUCH LESS than I used to & it has absolutely changed my life. I can't tell you how many jobs I've lost & embarrassments I've endured due to meltdowns - all because I had zero clue that I was repeatedly getting in over my head, taking on too much responsibility, &/or allowing myself to become overwhelmed. For the first time in my life, I've had the same job for over 2.5 years & feel I've achieved a stability & (humble) success I never thought I'd attain. Imma send the first 4 minutes of this to my boss b/c it EXACTLY explains the week I just had. She's really understanding about my struggles & limitations when I recognize, classify, & then work on a plan to mitigate them (which we will often come up with together.) As for scheduling, time management, & remembering: I'm not sure when it began, (maybe 12 years old?) but I'm a calendar & list junkie. I've got many of each & refer to them multiple times daily. I have a very difficult time reading more than short paragraphs, bullet-items, or lists on-screen & calendars are too vague & etherial on-screen; for me, they have to be physical. (Funny, I was wearing this tshirt today: "Analog girl in a digital world.")

[@Bruce_Simpson]

Prior to watching this video, based on the title, I thought it wouldn't apply to me in any way, but after watching it I found it completely relates to me. In my work as a courier I am very logically organized and my time is something I've mapped out throughout the day. The result is productive and efficient. At home I keep three calendars updated daily to remember important events because without them I would be lost and end up disappointing myself and others. I also use family group chat to organize get togethers where everyone can contribute, then there is a written record we can use to go back on, who's bringing what as an example. It works very well. Thank you for making these videos!

[@danielbarrows7144]

It’s amazing how much sense you make as I listen to your stories. The more I hear about different aspects of Asperger’s the more it describes who I am. Thank you for helping me to figure out how to understand my journey.

[@TankNamedTom]

This is me to a T! All the time in the world yet no time at all; after completing one task my body is like, “We did a thing! Time for bed.” Now I’m starting to see why autistic people typically have trouble keeping a job (I include myself in that).

[@e9s42tv69mo]

I hear you: "All the time in the world and yet no time at all..." although after completing one task, my body says to me, "We did a thing! Now let's eat!"...ah hell, I'd be better off going to sleep.....

[@cactiman6593]

...isn't it to a tee instead of T?

[@TankNamedTom]

@@cactiman6593 Both can be used.

[@cactiman6593]

@@TankNamedTom ah ok

[@Dancestar1981]

We really can’t multitask

[@autisticness]

Thank you fo this Paul. I was nodding along throughout! As always, you put these things into words so well, but I think many of us in the autism community and neurodivergent community in general will completely understand this challenge. I also wish I'd known about it decades ago. For example when I completely forgot to collect one of my children from school. (Yes, really). (And yes, they were fine. Another mum fortunately took control of that situation!) Or the time when I left my handbag (and all contents) somewhere and didn't even realise when I got home!!! (Oh the confessions of a late diagnosed autistic woman...that needs to be a book.) But seriously, this challenge is so common in our community and yet we are often just not aware of our own needs regarding it. We seem to just 'get by' a lot of the time in some kind of disorganised, chaotic game of chance, whereas if we are aware of our personal limitations we can then find personalised ways to create our own systems and failsafes. I spent so many years frustrated and angry with myself for being so useless at this when it seemed to come so naturally to other people! Now I forgive myself, laught at it and work at making my own systems, rather than failing at those systems created for us by neurotypical society.

[@visionvixxen]

This challenge is so sad though- it made College ridiculously stressful for me. Made me have to drop out of so many graduate programs, including medical school- and I didn’t know what wrong - and couldn’t ask a million questions since my questions were not typical ones and no one knew what I needed help with or how to give it. I felt like such a failure and so demoralized. Only now, after 30 years, have I gotten down to executive function , ADD and not just mood disorder. I am still undiagnosed but guaranteed high functioning autism…. How to even learn these gaps in my thinking and find the professionals to help me put it all together- who knows? But Vyvanse in the morning helps me do at least one task.

[@evemacdonald8654]

I am naturally very bad with executive functioning. This is what I do that helps. For work, I use my phone calendar and check it the night before. For other areas of my life such as health/fitness, errands, relationships, projects, etc, I use a different notebook for each and put it in a different part of the house. I use only felt tip black pens to write (using different types of pens changes my mental focus too much). In the bedroom I have a dream journal.(remembering my dreams somehow helps me keep track of what's meaningful; which helps with prioritizing), When I clean the house, different things I want to do pop into my mind. I write them down on a paper that I've divided into 6 sections. Each section represents a different category. Besides work, I use my feelings to determine when it's time to do something. I decide based on balancing out how I feel. I also imagine different life categories as cups that are full, half full or empty. Then I picture different categories and feel where they are. This helps me prioritize as well. I love to zone out and go into creative modes. I use a timer for that.

[@Studio-of1th]

I'm shocking with executive functioning because of my PTSD. I'm so demoralised it's come to a point where I have to use a diary and blackboard to remind me of all my tasks and appointments

[@visionvixxen]

Thank you for sharing and referring how you access feelings for things. I think I am this type as well but have ended up doing this subconsciously and not consciously. Lately my dreams have been telling me if I feel something isn’t good by me, don’t try to do or tackle it, as no matter what the result will be the same. Hard to explain but I need to start honoring and playing by feelings instead of numbers and pros and cons. And trusting the feelings and intuitipn, even trusting if It goes wrong, hopefully it will be ok. This part is really hard because I don’t want it to affect others in my life to help support me.

[@evemacdonald8654]

@@Studio-of1th I can understand that. When I get overwhelmed I have limited amount of access to my memory and decsion making is really challenging. Glad to hear those things you do help. Sorry I didn't noticed this reply until now!

[@evemacdonald8654]

@@visionvixxen I use a dream journal as well, helps with awareness of feelings and thoughts so I can step back and see them all. Then re-evaluate how things went as more experience reveals the situation.

[@frankdehobbit8989]

Before watching this there just was a lot of frustration with myself for things 'randomly' not coming in my mind. I also find it very hard to act on the decisions I make, I'm constantly trying to make new decisions trying to fire me up, only getting me more tired and frustrated with myself. I'm in a state of very low energy at the moment and this video helped me understand that these are, in fact, executive function struggles. Next I'll try to create some personal strategies that work for me in managing the demands of daily life in these challenging times. Again, thank you for putting this in such clear and relatable wordings.

[@julieallen3372]

Great overview. Loved it. Thank you. At the risk of ‘selling’ the advantage of being in a relationship for Aspies… this is where a loving NT can really take the pressure off the Aspie. NTs generally stack information really easily, with no untoward energy expenditure and within a relationship can take over the ‘social secretary’ part really easily but for the Aspie, please remember we are like kittens… we need attention and stroking too… so while you can leave the day to day planning to us, we want acknowledgment sometimes.

[@visionvixxen]

I pray for this in my life. One man cannot do it all and I will never do well what I need from another person who is NT and can do this. I hope what I have to give them back is helpful and that they understand I am not being helpless or doing things out of disrespect or laziness.

[@katheriney8318]

And thank you so much for making these videos, Paul!

[@lookfeelbehealthy6320]

I can definitely relate. A lot of times, Aspergers will present as things like OCD, with the triple-checking stuff. I can also relate to the fact that if I don't constantly check my calendar, I'm prone to forgetting to do things, going to appts, etc.

[@Celestein]

I've followed you for a few years now and it keeps amazing me how similar your experiences and challenges are to mine. I finally got an official diagnosis, it took two years of expensive process and waiting list. But I am watching your videos again and still feel like your brain sounds *exactly* like mine, which is very comforting. So thank you for sharing.

[@visionvixxen]

Ditto- except you verbalized it better…. Currently exhausted from thinking and talking about this w regard to self.

[@OliverJPops]

Another great video with helpful actionable tools. Thank you, Paul. There is a significant disparity between how I'm viewed in my personal vs. professional environments. Professionally I'm viewed as highly efficient and organized when approaching a project. Personally I'm viewed as lazy and disorganized which creates tension in those relationships. It's difficult for people to understand why I can be so effective at work, but not outside of. I never considered the general way business is structured to support organization as the reason I'm able to be successful, but I think that makes a ton of sense.

[@leosthrivwithautism]

I relate to this as someone with Aspergers. I’ve been known to have meltdowns when pressured to multi-task and do everything with the added bonus of being on a schedule. If I say I’m cleaning my apartment I get nothing done. But If break it down for example I’ll the kitchen only, then move to the living room etc, I get it done. But I never finish the main goal because I get tired than I get distracted and find it hard to go back to my goal. Very good video! 👍

[@melinnamba]

I go through phases of being really good at executive function. I constantly know when an appointment is coming up, I can keep track of what day it is, I am aware of all the projects that are currently in progress and I don't need to write down one single thing. I don't even need shopping lists during those times. But then I start to spiral into autistic burnout and executive function is the first to go. That shit just takes way to much energy. And I can't seem to figure out a way to make it less energy intensive, because a calender just means one more project to maintain and when my executive function is crumbling I don't manage to check and, what's even worse, fill in the calendar anymore. The best calendar with the best notification system can't help you if it dosn't know when you need the reminders.

[@flyingcatbox1822]

Thank you for posting this! I’ve been so scatterbrained and frustrated with myself. It’s powerful to have this information to give myself a break and strategize.

[@makethingsbetter]

I once took on so much work I completely forgot to run a complete workload. This was period end and the payroll run needed the numbers from this task, it ended so badly. I was called in to see the client, then was made to spend my own time counting money from petty cash to enable payment of the employees, who went on strike because of not being paid. I then had to deliver the money through the picket lines and got egg and flour poured on me as I broke the line. Back then I called it bad luck. Now I’m not so sure. These days learning about executive function, your tail really resonated with me. I took check the list, I’m checking it twice or more… thank you for sharing.

[@aqualungs77]

Hey Paul, thanks so much for your videos. They helped me realize I was on the Spectrum a year ago. This week I was Diagnosed Autistic, ADHD, and Alexithymia. I'm 44 and I have ehler danlos, that tipped me off I was autistic, as it is very common to have autism with EDS. I had a head injury in 2019 to my left lobe and that really made me struggle with executive functioning. I hit burnout quicker and get so confused. Like you I have a calendar I put everything in. I make to do lists, I simply cannot remember even the most inportant thing sometimes, so it needs to be listed. I use my alarm on my watch for things like making an omelot, I set it for 3 min to come back and check, otherwise I will forget and go off and do other thingd. Thanks again for everything :)

[@corrierou7768]

I use my phone calendar, but then write a wall calendar for my husband and a dry erase calendar for my daughter. Pretty sure we all have ASD but my daughter is the only one diagnosed. Calendars always work great for us until they don't 😅 Usually it takes something emotional, a family emergency, a meltdown, etc. and the calendar gets erased for a day or 2. We can only do what we can do!

[@Flutterbyby]

I have to check my calendars & set reminders, on phone & paper (fridge door) or else I’ll miss something! I like it when doctors text appointment reminders.

[@sunnylight5753]

I Absolutely Relate, Checking & Double checking. Story of my Life. Thank you for sharing!

[@tiddlypom2097]

Thanks for sharing this Paul ❤️ I'm late diagnosed autistic and trying to figure out exactly what my cognitive strengths and weaknesses are. Kind of like you, I have always had executive function challenges, but got very organised early so that I didn't miss appointments and stuff. But I struggle every day with basic decisions. Ordinary life is exhausting. Just the thought of organising an event with a group of people is traumatic! 😅

[@harlingthetrucker9971]

Very helpful video - Thank you

[@rhomboman]

This is so helpful, I normally never meet people who think this way and it's completely normal to us but not neurotypicals.

[@kyram123]

This was such a great share! It resonates for me more as an adult. As a kid I was smart and kids hated when I was the only one who got the high grade and ruined the bell curve, so I let everyone copy, and I I learned how to be funny! As an adult, some colleagues don’t like that I do more thorough work, so I help people a lot with their work. I just do what I’m told and then I find out no one else did…it’s very puzzling to me.

[@moartems5076]

Wow, so that could explain, why i recently missed a few important appointments. Had moved to a new flat and was overwhelmed with things to do. My digital calender is a blessing in that regard.

[@rawtism8384]

This has been on my "to watch list" for months. I feel like you are saying words that came from inside me

[@grant_ford]

Thanks for sharing it, this resonates with me so much. I’ve always thought of myself as super organized until I had a couple of blackouts in business like yours. My bosses and mates considered me the most reliable lad in the room. However, once I missed a very important deadline for document submissions, although I was doing nothing particular that day. It just hadn’t rung a bell in my mind, and I never knew why before I learned about ASD. This was very embarrassing and caused tons of stress for the team. The other day I forgot I had to travel to a conference overseas. Just woke up, had my routined morning and went to the office where I met puzzled colleagues. Thanks god our team assistant could rebook the flight to later that day, while I rushed home and packed all the stuff I needed. Since then, I told myself this was just bound to happen. And somewhat later I learned why

[@michaelg.102]

Very relatable! Wow... I once missed my son's birthday that way and have felt guilty about it ever since...

[@mrsp812]

What do you do when you just can't get going? When any task makes you feel overwhelmed? This is what my grown up kids struggle with the most. They try to get in to a routine and then they revolt against it. Personally I can't have long lists of things that need to be done, then my brain goes in to "lalala I can't hear you" (been through an assessment for autism, and although I have traits I don't qualify due to my intelligence profile being without areas where I perform worse, which apparently was a very important criteria). My kids often complain that most coping strategies seem to be saying "just do it" and they feel so bad for not being capable of doing that.

[@ecwm]

I want the answer to this! My probably autistic son will lay on the floor and cry that he doesn't know why he can't clean the toilet, or whatever the chore is. He really doesn't know why!!

[@NothingByHalves]

I have just bought several medium sized whiteboards and a pack of fine line coloured dry-wipe pens. Yesterday morning I had to leave the house at a specific time, work out what to take for lunch and also what to wear and the night before I was so tired that putting these things into sequence seemed an impossible task. My brain was too tired to think. So I brainstormed on one whiteboard, out of sequence, then created a process flow on a second using what I'd written down - ideas on what to wear, what to take for lunch, when to have a coffee, etc. Then as I move through the morning I can wipe off the things I've done and only see what I have left. And if I have something like that to plan for the future, I can use that process, take a photo, then print it out and cross things off as I go along. I use google calendar to track my appointments and always keep it open on a weekly view. The other thing I've started doing is getting up super early to give myself time to come round, sitting in the peace and quiet in the garden and listening to the birds before the commuter traffic starts in full force, then taking a shower and turning the water to cold halfway through. I've turned the cold shower into an exciting game, daring myself like a child running under a water sprinkler, and shaking and dancing under the spray. It's a brilliant way to feel fully alert, shake off any anxiety (the shaking and dancing really works and the water is tolerable in no time at all) and bring back focus again. Trying to explain my needs and what uses up my energy to others is so challenging - not sure I have stopped trying to overcompensate yet, so hearing your story and everyone else's in the comments helps me to accept my autism so much more. Thanks Paul.

[@jadesokhal6333]

Hi Paul ! Thank you so much for this very helpfull video. I did not know a lot about executive functions. Your knowledge leads me to a better understanding of myself . I realize that i should not treat me so hard and rather became aware of my everyday autistic challenges. (I learned my autistic condition last year at 39). Your work is so great and i love to see every single video you make because they are always very interesting, clear and usefull . Your are a nice and talented person. Thank you so much for what you do and what you are. (Sorry for my awkward english but i am a french aspiegirl). Have a good day.

[@alexandraelfers7900]

In school, executive functioning for me was so hard. Forgetting to do assignments seemed to be the norm for me starting in the 2nd grade. Finally, in 6th grade my teacher taught me about putting my assignments in a planner and using a highlighter, and it made all the difference. I'm not officially diagnosed with autism, but I'm more and more convinced I have it and looking back, I see it so clearly, having other symptoms as well. I really want to get assessed, but I know it's expensive and wanting to know if it's worth it at this point in my life and what I'd actually do with the information.

[@georginashanti4605]

Thank you so much for this video! I'm at the 7 min mark. Just need to say that these clear and analytical discussions are so helpful! Now I realise that I'm not stupid or incompetent. Prioritising is hard for me, especially when all the items appear to have equal priority or urgency. I'm glad I'm not alone. Now I'm looking back pre-diagnosis and seeing things with a different perspective/insight. Thank you so much!

[@jenniLB]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for explaining myself to me ❤

[@Sophiemck]

I have ASD and ADHD, so for me what I find to be worse about EDys is my very rigid, routine driven, logical ASD side getting so upset when my ADHD gremlin rears it's head and blows up any kind of routine or organisation 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@cani.j]

I can relate! It's terrible for me.

[@kerryrobertson5672]

Same

[@visionvixxen]

Yep- this will make you even more fawning or trapped. Right now I don’t know how to live anymore and wel don’t even have the energy to bother

[@c.j3087]

It seems that there are two worlds inside of us. 🥲

[@cristinagonzalez6591]

I set alarms in my mobile phone: one 24hrs earlier, another half an hour previously and another ten minutes earlier, for birthdays (even mine!), dates and any compromise. I make lists of everything. I thought that a fail on executive function makes you lazy.

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

That wouldn't have worked for me when I was invited to a BBQ, because I was invited about two weeks prior by a work colleague. But because nobody mentioned after that at work, it left my memory after a few days, and made plans with my friend to go to the fair on the same day. It didn't occur to me until about 8:00 that evening! I didn't think that something could possibly slip my memory so badly, and I felt terrible for not going to it. I don't even think they believed me when I said that I forgot all about it.

[@domsusefulstuff]

@@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy This happens to me a lot! I use reminders on my phone to add things to my calendar and that's helped me out a bunch but when I don't it doesn't go well.

[@LadyJennivieve]

I resonate with this! Thank God for my husband who can hand me the next priority when I get mentally locked up (normally at or just after a peak in stress). A fail for me is immediately after a university exam when I can’t decide what to eat. I’m also hyper organised and routines are my life, to prevent me from wasting time checking on my progress.

[@TristanNavarro]

I've been in the same boat about thinking I had great executive function. It's just because I've been in environments (university, jobs with very restricted and defined expectations) which do the work for me. I have major difficulty with the "following through" part. I can plan things out for myself, but I really need something 'compelling' me to actually follow through. Anyone else feel like they can make great plans but are just often bafflingly unable to follow through without basically someone telling you to what to do at every moment (or feeling like there is some external commitment you have to meet), and do you think this falls under executive functioning or something else entirely? An example would be, if I'm going to meet someone at my favorite place for brunch at 10am, I'll be there, but if I decide "I'm going to get brunch tomorrow at 10," and set my alarm, but when I wake up just press snooze and wake up at noon when they aren't serving it anymore. And I ask myself, why did I let that happen, it's not like I was even tired or changed my mind or was unaware of the time??

[@reneesolana6697]

I can relate! This is how I am with running/creating/doing my own business. I’ve planned the shit out of it, often perfectly and in great detail. But when it comes to actually executing the plan it feels too big and intimidating to even start.

[@evanurena8868]

What you said about following through actually does fall under executive functioning. I believe it's called inhibition and I also have a similar challenge. As a grown adult, It can feel quite embarrassing when you seem to have all of this knowledge or plan in you're head or in writing but stumble with executing the applications effectively , hence being infinitely trapped in you're own world of active thoughts of elaborate plans or ideas while being inactive, so then in turn, most people think it's a lack of effort or that you give up to quickly. It's a strange feeling I've tried to explain to others and they are always baffled and think its just a poor excuse to give up and sometimes I don't blame them because half the time, I can't tell whether it's just laziness or something more complicated.

[@visionvixxen]

Ysra To all above

[@visionvixxen]

@@evanurena8868 I have this problem and it breaks my heart like it literally feels like no one could help you and it’s very hard to explain and sometimes you doubt yourself a lot of this is gotten to the point where I am. I just don’t try anymore and I am really wondering what things in this world what jobs what people were things I can plug into which will allow for me to be me while I try my best to be “better” at all I’m supposed to be… but aware of the odds that not much will change… and that’s as ok as it can get.

[@evanurena8868]

@@visionvixxen This is something l wouldn't wish on my worst enemy because executive functioning literally effects you're will power and you handle the currents of life, that's why l have to rely on God's strength and his will because I believe he is the only one that knows the pain I'm going through. You look at everyone around you who seems to respond to setbacks effectively despite how painful it may be but even the simplest things in life just make us shutdown.

[@marniesvids]

Thanks for this, I didn't really think I had a problem with executive functioning either, I didn't really understand what it was. Since I discovered Bullet journaling I've been much better at staying organised. I have still missed appointments so I have to set alarms in my phone 10 minutes before I have to leave the house. The two together work really well for me.

[@e9s42tv69mo]

I'm great at making out a schedule for the day, but to carry it out is next to impossible. Right after I make the schedule I then proceed to defy it, ignore it, and rewrite it as I go through the day not following it. It's maddening as hell and at the end of the day I succeed in making myself feel absolutely powerless, hopeless and frustrated that I can't get a damn thing done, started or finished. And another day passes and the work just piles up evermore......

[@JakeMcNaughton]

i’m always really good at the parts most people keep notes and calendars for. if you directly ask me to what i’m doing at a time or when something is i haven’t technically “forgotten”. but the little alarm that makes the information pop into your head when it’s appropriate doesn’t fire. even setting physical alarms the information just always occurs when i’m in the middle of something i can’t deal with. so it’s either hope i remember the thing later, or do all the gear switching of doing it now and exhaust myself

[@ejm918]

I had a similar realization recently. I thought "oh well i'm pretty good with executive function." But then I read the examples for children in school and realized that all of those were true for me in childhood. Now I realize that I have learned that I need to put everything into a calendar the second I plan it (with reminders) and I make lists daily to remember tasks. And that doesn't necessarily mean my executive disfunction is good, it just means I figured out how to cope.

[@WilliamAlanPhoto]

Dead on right. Me too. I used to use the Franklin Quest calendar based system. That was GREAT for me. Now I use an online calendar to put everything in a schedule for myself.

[@Asst-MSHTCR]

Your videos have changed my life. Thank you a million times.

[@alanyaknits8018]

I have recurring and special tasks in Google Calendar. Then for the week I try to even out the tasks for each day. Then in Notion, I use a toggle for each day and organize my tasks in order. I also put my morning routine stuff table in Notion that shows when I click a button. Overall, I see toggles of Mon-Sat and when I expand them, I see the tasks for that day and the morning routine in order of when they should be done. Appointments are on Google Calendar marked with a different color to get my attention. If I have an appointment, I use a callout in notion to let me know.

[@EugeniaPortobello]

Likewise, learning about executive function made me learn about myself. Thank you for the vid 🙏💕

[@BladeX11883]

thank you for this video. This video was like a lightbulb in my head. I realized I feel and done the same things. Thinking I was great at this and realized I am not. My best strategies are writing on a calendar, post-it, and lists nearby. I figured out I do not do well with digital lists and reminders. It is almost like my mind lacks object permanence (theoretically, I do know these things exist even though I can't see them). If I don't see it I completely forget about it, regardless if I want to do the task or not.

[@carlamon4778]

Sleeping well is key for better executive functioning!!! It is needed to lower anxiety, so as to get good rest during the night. If you are less tired and stressed, your brain will work better. This is not just for the Aspies, this will work for everybody. The anxiety and stress pieces are the ones that makes us tired, and we are tired a lot of problems are triggered. Good night sleep is like resetting the cache!

[@anyascelticcreations]

Unfortunately, many of us struggle severely with sleep. I know I definitely do. No amount of "sleep hygiene" helps. And yes, it definitely does mess up our brain. (I will be talking with a medical doctor about that soon.)

[@LarsOutzen]

@@anyascelticcreations I used to take en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Promethazine 1-2h before bedtime .. but now I dont need it anymore. Before my burnout and ASD diagnosis last year I used to fall asleep at 3 am and get up 7:30. At about age 24 I just decided that it does not make sense to go to bed before midnight because I could not sleep anyway.

[@anyascelticcreations]

@@LarsOutzen I looked it up and I'm tempted to ask the doctor for it. But I react badly to a lot of sedatives. Though, if something worked it would be awesome. What did you do to not need it anymore? Also, I can relate to not even bothering to go to bed until I am about to pass out. If I go before my my body and brain are ready I will only toss amd turn all night.

[@dopaminecloud]

I sleep 10 hours and I'm not sure it's doing much for me. Get more done on days where I can't sleep at all and have nothing better to do than work.

[@kj3d812]

@Carla Mon, it's very easy to say "get good rest," but if you're on the autism spectrum, it can be extremely difficult to "get good rest." I've struggled with "insomnia" ever since I was a small child, long before I learned I'm autistic (Asperger's/ASD, with SPD and a few others). Even if I go to bed at 7 p.m., I will lay there until 11, 12, or later before falling asleep. I've tried natural supplements like GABA, melatonin (which gives me nightmares), magnesium, etc. but the sleep thing is always an issue. I get better rest when napping in the afternoons, but then it's losing half the day to a long nap (and please don't start about "power naps" of 15 minutes....believe me, I've tried the gamut over these many years, including "resetting" my sleep schedule by staying up one hour later each night and getting up exactly 8 hours later, until my "clock" has been "reset." Didn't work.) I'm learning from these and other autism videos that autistics like me DO have sleep problems, quite often. (And drugs DO NOT work well for me. I avoid prescription drugs as much as possible, as they *really* mess up my system.) Much as you may think you're being helpful, it gets tiresome when someone tosses off a glib bit of advice like "get better rest!" It's in the same league as, "Just grow a thick skin!" and ""Just have more confidence around people!" and "Just learn to be more outgoing!" Really easy to say, but impossible for an autistic person to "just" do these things. Like That Autistic Guy says: it's like saying to someone in a wheelchair, "Just get up and walk!"

[@peterthomasdalton1180]

Good presentation, Paul! My life was thrown into chaos, several times, as I was Mum’s primary carer. Even when I attended social groups, I often felt invisible because of the autism. Even when I did make a difference, I was often propagating church bureaucracy simply to please people. I am usually pretty good at executive functioning. I refuse to be a typecast to other people’s expectations.

[@jackass315]

i often realise i have challenges that i hadn't considered before , asd is a curious thing , it can be so subtle in some ways , and so obvious in others , its handy to have others experiences to consider and relate to , as always great video

[@OperationDarkside]

This is literally the reason why my therapist came to the conclusion I have autism. Executive function is the worst struggle in my life atm. My working memory can be as low as 1s. That's why calendars are mostly useless to me, because it takes more than one second to make an entry. If I have more than one task with the same priority I return to default mode and do none of them. Makes it look like I'm lazy. This got worse at work, when my teamleader got promoted to groupleader and I didn't have a direct contact telling me what to do next. For programmers: I'm a while loop kinda guy, less a foreach one. I just want to say "next" instead of knowing everything in advance. Although I prefer foreach when writing code^^ In terms of organizing, my whole life is a mess. My whole (private) desk is a big junkyard. The flat too, but a gf with adhd doesn't help there either. I need really strong incentives or triggers to start doing something around the house. Making decisions is also immensly stressful. Most of my current clothes are almost a decade old, because shopping is a nightmare. I often need several hours, sometimes days to recover from just shopping. Online shopping isn't much better either. I don't think I possess a single t-shirt that's bought by myself. It's all just presents from other people. And most of them have moth holes... Same with food. I don't have a dishwasher, so I only cook one-pot meals and eat from that same pot to not have any dishes to clean. On the bright side, I have started taking ADHD meds. They've reduced anxiety, increased motivation and help me to do, what I want to do. It was eye opening to finally be able to just execute a function I intended. It's like I've been given back controls to my character again.

[@FlarenG]

It gets worse with age, under stress, and when you become a parent. Your calendar expands exponentially with your spouse's and children's needs, tasks, activities, creating a breeding ground for mistakes, disappointment, defiance, procrastination, or burnout.

[@patriziosommatinese1820]

I'm completely with you. I'm autistic as well but for a long time I didn't really believe that I had problems like this. I studies mathematics and did pretty well there. When I started to work at university I did some teaching and was completely fine with it. Later as a postdoc I went into mathematics education, since I liked teaching so much. When I started to work in this field, my teaching load increased, because we did a lot of project with high school students, I did some special classes with gifted students, worked with interns at the university and so on. I realised that I did quite a good job, but that this kind of work was completely exhausting for me, because interactions at high school level are much less predictable than a lesson taught at university level. At uni everything is still much more straight forward. Today I work as a data engineer and I'm much less stressed out :)

[@StefanSkoog]

Brilliant, Paul! I can totally relate to so much of what you say in this video! I'm totally handicapped without my online calendar. But since I'm so efficient in using it, nobody (including myself) could suspect I'm actually very messy. I think this is a great example of symptom masking!

[@ashcar6903]

Holy hell. I completely collapsed after I finished my engineering degree. This is quite relatable.

[@obscurial6052]

Hi Paul, thank you so much for your information you're giving us. They are helping me to understand myself better. I've got my diagnosis lately, but I always knew my brain "work" a little different. So I did find a way to make life easier also to learn from huge and a lot of fails :D (seriously... Huge... like being at the wrong appointment at the wrong time and don't even notice) . I set up for me some basic rules for planning my life. I did decided that the digital way is better for me, but maybe other people prefer physical. So: 1. Just have one place where you write al down, so you find your "brain :D" back. 2. Put really everything and immediately (very important) into the agenda. 3. Use tools to repeat certain events, save energy (f. E. Day for clean up your house). 4. Plan time to switch from task to task. 5. Plan time to get to your appointments 6. Put the place, adres or room into your appointments (I have a bad orientation and get most of the time lost). 7. Plan time for your routines (f. E. In the morning) 8. Write down your routines with realistic time for the case you forget. 9. Set the reminder few minutes/hours earlier in the agenda (include switch time and travel time) Maybe this basics help some of you all. And don't forget, mistakes happen and that's okay. Learn from, analyze it and find a better way for the next time. Wish you all the best. Have a great day❤️

[@emmagoldman6616]

These videos are a great deal of work....and they take up your time.....thank you for all of your hard work.

[@Sky-Child]

Oh so relatable! Social engagement, appointments... I used to totally miss things. Now I set reminder s on my phone calendar for everything and duplicate the paper one on the wall so my partner and I know where the other one is

[@EmberShadowtempest]

I had not known what executive function meant. Now with a better understanding of what it is, I realise I struggle with it quite abit. Especially since I have a lot of memory issues in addition to being g on the autism spectrum. I am very dependent on assistance from other people in making certain I get where I need to be and remembering tasks. Like many others have said having too many things that need to be done that are of equal importance is really overwhelming. My mother suggested writing lists. However that alone does not seem to help. I have never used an online calender before I think I will give it a go. I would very much like to become more capable of being independent.

[@natford8271]

Same. Other executive function fails for me are that, before smartphones were around and could be used to set reminders. I would forever forget or double book events/appointments. Even now, when my alarm goes off to take my PM meds, if I am in the middle of doing something I will think to myself, “I’ll just finish this,” and then three hours later I still have not taken my meds.

[@bacchira1251]

Hi Paul, I love your videos! You are just speaking out loud how I feel and how the world looks like for me. Thanks and don't stop! Greetings from the other side of the world from Paulina from Austria

[@christinamurphy9090]

That saying, "I can't make a decision to save my own life," is no joke. When my stress & anxiety are too high, I can't even form coherent sentences, let alone thoughts! Life is so unpredictable, but feeling supported during those tough times helps the most, IMO. Unfortunately, from experience, not everyone knows how to help you the way you need... hermit mode engaged. Seriously tho, what can you do?!

[@visionvixxen]

You sound like me. My own family and boyfriend despise me and offer no help and no desire to understand . It’s so hard because this closes the door and I feel so alone… wish I could find a way to become normal, try to let them know I am trying so hard…. It’s just overheleming

[@christinamurphy9090]

@Chloe S you are not alone. There are those of us who do understand, it's just you sometimes have to go to a treatment facility or join a community to find us. It's okay to seek help outside of family and friends. Ever heard of the perfect roster? Making a list of those people that you can contact for specific needs and moments when you just don't know what to do or where to go can really be an incredible lifeline.

[@janandbrian]

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I'm now able to finally understand myself having watched many of your vids - so much explained + it's great to FINALLY have this information!! I can't even find appropriate words to express my gratitude! Gonna start accepting my authentic self

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

When I have to plan a day with a new friend (who I don't know well), it was extremely difficult to imagine the things that they would like to do. When it comes to trying to plan a social gathering, I tend to ask a lot of questions. And I will ask people who are close to me all of my questions, to see what they think about this or that before I even pick a time and day for a gathering. The whole process of figuring out a social situation usually drains me, which is why I feel best just hanging out with the same people who are close to me (people that I know well and trust). I feel like my best friend is on the spectrum, because we just seemed to naturally form an unwritten routine that we both understand, without having to talk about it. For example, we have hung out long enough where we both know that we are likely going to go to one of our houses, and that's all we anticipate doing for the evening. The same routine of me going over there (or vice versa), knowing that we will be listening to music, and after that, watching an old movie. And I know roughly when we will both want a smoke break, and that we both part ways around 5:00, where we eat at our own homes (unless verbally planning it ahead, a few days prior to meeting); But that almost never happens (maybe twice a year ☺).

[@Bruce_Simpson]

Getting over the need for structure is very hard isn't it? I've found that it helps to just "wing it" or throw yourself in the pool once in a while, so to speak, and see how you do. Terrifying right? I get that 🙂

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

@@Bruce_Simpson Well, I find that life gives me many instances where I have no choice but to wing it. Like, how I had to train a new person at work every week for three weeks; that was so draining! Just to feel that amount of discomfort and uncertainty every moment of the day made my mind go a bit crazy. Now finally we found a new person who wants to stay, but I am having to assertive with her, because she will say that she cleaned something and then come to find that it is still filthy dirty. It is definitely enough to deal with for one day.

[@Nunya45573]

I'm so glad you mentioned missing something important to you. I just set my phone alarm with a label so I don't forget to go to the funeral home tomorrow for my Mom.

[@ZabavaThePower]

Thank you so much for all of your videos! It's so comforting and so useful to watch them. I'm very grateful! I'm gonna make such videos myself, too, including in Russian, because when I watch yours and others' videos with such gratitude, I am convinced of how important it is

[@Rainer_Landes]

that video describes me very well 😀concerning managing time (or failing in doing so...) Problem occurs e.g. when my company forces me for legal purposes, to keep several separated online calendars (for different customers), and additionally separate it from my private calendar.... so I keep another handwritten one. Failures occur mainly when I failed to copy entries manually... so this takes a lot of energy. Additionally this check-and-check-again routine sometimes causes irritations. I remind other people on an agreed date and time. Just to make sure.... But they are irritated: "Of course. Yes this has been agreed. So, why do you ask again?" Additional strategy for important decisions: I sometimes use an excel file. I write down important criteria for the decision. Then I estimate for each criterion how important it is for the decision, and so give a weight factor to it. Then I list the options. Then I just give an estimation out of my gut feeling, what would be the impact of that option for that criterion, on a scale of 0 to 10. When I have done all this, then excel would multipy the impact by the weight and sum it up for that option. Doing so for all options and sorting, it will give me a sorted list of the options of the decision. So, of course then I can start to discuss my initial assumptions 😀but it at least gives me a way to rationally get to a decision. So, this method of deciding takes lots of energy and time. But without that excel, it might take me many days, just visiting all options again and again from many different angles, and I always find another reason why _NOT_ to take that option 😀so the whole decision gets postponed again until I drop into near madness... Next (and maybe even similarly problematic topic) is then, to put into reality what I (or my excel file?) just have decided on 😀

[@martineroodborst8651]

OMG, I also always thought I was good at EF, but recently I realized that I think that because I put a lot! of effort in it. In reality I am really scared I would forget things. My therapist said: but is that really so bad? Yes, it is. When I forget things, stuff, appointments etc.. it often means difficulty and failure, which makes my life harder and I'm already working so hard to keep everything in order. I also told her that I always have been scared that I would even forget my kids. She thought I was joking, but I'm not. If I really would focus on myself, I would not remember on time to pick them up from school, for instance. So I need structure, clearity and carefull planning en tools to remind me on time. I use a paper agenda in wich I note everything. And I need time to get overview. Every morning I check my agenda and make a day-plan. Every sunday I make a weekplan. I have a to-do list from which I take things to put in the week- or dayplan. And most important of all: I need time to rest; time in which I don't have to be scared to forget things. When tired I'm not able to prioritize, everything gets messy and I become really stressed. Luckkely I have friends and a coach now who help me get back on track. And I don't feel ashamed anymore that I can't do this easily and aks for help and not overplan my days.

[@tqsuited]

I think you hit the nail on the head with executive function and adult diagnosis of autism. When you're a kid your life is pretty well structured with routines etc. Basically just attend school, do homework, do what your parents tell you to do. This continues even into higher education (e.g. university), just study, homework, maybe a part-time job, it's all quite contained and predictable. But once you graduate there is less predictability, you have to choose your own path... make many decisions both day to day and long-term. That's what I have struggled with as an adult, probably related to poor executive function.

[@visionvixxen]

This is why I’m so jealous of school kids and even college… I yearn for that structure and importance of what you’re doing like a fish out of water. Wish they could create this for adults the rest of the 50 plus plus years of their lives. It is not the same coordinating when everyone is not doing the same thing. Those years were very tough but not empty. Now time goes by wuickly but feels like you’re in a coma.

[@andreabuntpercy]

I have two living places, and so I travel often between the two. That means lots of stuff to organize and pack several times a month. Lists don't help because they're boring and I'll often miss something if it's on a list. So I will start pulling things together a couple of days ahead. When I think of something I must, must, must take with me, I go and get it right away and put it on a surface close by the door. I'll continue doing that until I have a pile of the most important stuff ready to go when the time comes.

[@AT-sb5ff]

I'm having 2 separate digital calendars: one is personal and another one is for the work. They just never synchronize well, so I gave up. And now I see why it's a challenge to me! Need to have one reliable place to organize the day. I can certainly feel how much energy it takes to just be aware of all the stuff that needs to be done. Even vacations are never spontaneous, everything should be layed out on the map and in the calendar, booked ahead of time. I wish people around me were more aware of the struggle to do everything on time. For them it looks like I'm the most organized person they know...

[@swicked86]

I wish texting was added to this list...I can go days without answering. Really I just tackle the one that feels the most immediate. Because I'll go crazy if they pile up.

[@Pincer88]

So recognizable! Thx! Good to know we aren't alone. 😀

[@oanabaghi]

You actually get stuff done! I don't get much stuff done and i forget something important everyday.

[@cbrooks0905]

I’m exactly the same. I might be worse though. I’ve missed all kinds of important events from doctors appointments to job bids and what makes it worse is I can’t even remember to put things in my calendar. Everyday I’m thinking to myself what am I supposed to be doing right now.

[@surrenderinfaith]

It's so important to be self aware of any executive functioning challenges, especially if you are undiagnosed. It can present as thoughtlessness to other people, but it isn't your intention at all. It's such a struggle for me - I put absolutely everything I do onto a calendar and update it weekly.

[@visionvixxen]

I’m currently demoralized by this and almost need a diagnosis for myself but mostly others. At this point I’ve given up and just want a caretaker Maybe I need new antidepressants, ketamine treatment to erase all the trauma. And a one year living arrangement for hf adult autistic women who have gone to Ivy League schools, graduate programs and then failed out of life and sustaining relationships, who need to live in a monastery because they can’t handle EF, but simultaneously seek the life of Anthony Bourdain because of their passion for novelty/ADD side- as long as they have the organizer/manager on the trip in order to handle all the variables that occur…

[@Codylane84]

Yes, this is great. Very similar, I started with a little calendar book, and as my life got busier I rely on three things; my phone with a note app that is on my home page that I use daily to list tasks and prioritize, Google Calendar, and outlook calendar. So for my personal life, I have 3 places that have steps for me to do, daily. I can look ahead and be prepared so it's on my mind. At work during more stressful times in addition to calendars and a wall of sticky notes, I used to keep a pen on me and write things on the back of my hand, so it was right in front of my face. People thought it was very strange, but as I was running around without my phone and without my aids, it worked for me. In less high tempo jobs I use the aforementioned except I use whiteboards. I also keep all important or possibly important emails as a sort of archive that I can search for specific things. I learned all of this the "hard way", but I do know my limits so I know what is necessary. The one thing that really bothers me though, is I just feel like my brain doesn't "work" like I never have enough room to keep everything and I really have to be careful what I let in, so I keep most of it externally with the help of these aids. But, if not in an extremely structured environment, I have a hard time taking care of myself because it feels like I have to give that all of my attention. It seems counterproductive that if I just get enough sleep, eat the same thing every day, and exercise at the same time every day that it would make everything else easier, but I'm just not there yet. Just riding that strugglebus...I have multiple degrees that I don't even use because I feel like school is the only thing I'm good at and the only thing I enjoy.

[@northwoodfalls1403]

As long as my life is kept small and I have as much control as possible over any moving targets, I do ok. Modern technology has really helped me out. For instance, I used to have such large overdue fines at the library, I’d wait for the annual amnesty day to bring in my books but it also meant I couldn’t take any books out until then. Now, I can set a reminder on my phone and when, which is invariably the case, I need to renew some of the books, I can do it online. My daughter’s school has gone paperless and while I applaud this, it also has been disastrous for me. I used to keep all the notices on the fridge which was a daily reminder. Somehow, having to go through the school online calendar (which never gives enough information for me) and transfer it to my reminder app has been too much for me. It causes me constant anxiety. If something is going on in my community that I have a real interest in, it takes forever for me to form a new routine around it that makes it easy for me to remember. Basically, I can’t remember to set a reminder for most of the things I really do need reminders for 😂. As a parent it’s been a constant issue because I will set a consequence for a behaviour and then a few hours later, have totally forgotten about it. Thankfully I have great kids and I can just ask them, “Did I say you couldn’t do that earlier?” and they will give me an honest answer. I can also tell them to remind me “gently” as often as it takes for me to do the thing they need me to do and they will. Because sometimes my PDA kicks in and even setting a reminder feels like a loss of autonomy. *sigh* my brain really is exhausting to manage in this world lol.

[@gertrudelaronge6864]

Executive dysfunction is a major barrier for me in everyday life. I am currently working with a Speech and Language Pathologist. (They also specialize in working with memory dysfunction.) I have found it extremely helpful.

[@tris5602]

The worst part about this is trying to explain the failures to other people. I feel like people get so accustomed to me being on top of things that they don't have any patience for my failures. They take for granted that I can do all of the things I'm managing at any given time, never realizing how much effort I have to put in to maintain the details of my life. In the last year, I've made a point of saying 'no' more often, and being vocal about things I'm struggling with. It's kind of humiliating, but I feel like I have to actively remind other people that I'm human and that I have limitations, too. If I don't, people will carelessly add more and more items to my load until I collapse. That happened to me in 2020. It was the first time in my life I felt completely incapable of taking care of myself, and I never want to go through that again.

[@staceymckenna2876]

Yes! EVERYTHING goes in my online calendar. Tasks, appts, even things I want to think about or look up! And when the calendar is completely full of "red" that is how I know I can't fit anything else into my day.

[@MrArmybiker]

That's totally me, trying to decide wich task should come first and ending with nothing done or all tasks partly done. Since i'm not working anymore, i can concentrate on that and it works quite well but i don't know how it works long term..

[@sylvanacandela4204]

This video really makes me smile 😁. I have a really hard time remembering my kids and grandkids birthdays, among other things. I also have communication mishaps, as one person said here. They all drive me crazy! 🤪😳

[@visionvixxen]

Me too… also BP2. Now I know why w every diagnosis, I still couldn’t pull it together. I’m still trying to figure out what’s the weather of life I can have, and what’s possible to even make that stimulating and worth it enough to bother with anything like always looking at the benefits and drawbacks, and this Hass to be balanced by so many other things that it really is a struggle

[@musicteacher5757]

Yeah, me too. I'll think you're describing a trait I don't have, and then I realize I've been hiding it or coping all my life. I'm trying to write a book, and after a hour or two I'm basically disabled because I've used up most of my decision-making. And I can't decide which necessary chore to do.

[@myntndmarriage]

You explained that so well. Now I understand why my husband, how has high executive function obsesses and frets over every detail when planning things, he's making sure he remembers.

[@visionvixxen]

I wish my SO cared to understand me. He just gets angry at me and when I try to explain to help HIM, even angrier . I’ve reached my nervous limit about this situation and it’s sad because he won’t see a counselor so I’m left with nothing but to slowly let myself go crazy w meltdowns or to leave

[@myntndmarriage]

@@visionvixxen It's hard in any relationship where there are detrimental issues and one person won't see a counsellor. Makes it impossible to move forward and reach a mutually beneficial outcome. I gave my husband an ultimatum. Counsellor or we're over. I was lucky he wanted to make it work.

[@kind_of_willow3193]

I definitely need an appointment book, some kind of schedule for functioning. And prioratising is not the only issue, it's also not to have too many dates, to cope with everyday life.

[@cashway0420]

I find as i get older im starting to forget about things that I never would have before, like appointments and social events. I actually used to lose sleep before those things and would think about them non-stop to the point that it would stress me out so I'm always shocked when I just gap something really important now but it's also nice that I can put things out of my head and not over-think and stress about everything, I just need a lot of reminders.

[@MrHon3st]

6:55 Same I also find when I stop, I have trouble gaining focus again!

[@alecogden12345]

This is a great video - I totally agree with what you said at the beginning: "My executive functioning is fine," On second thoughts, maybe my executive functioning isn't the best lol, I didn't even really know what it means. (I am the most indecisive person ever.)