AUTISM AND VERBAL PROCESSING|Purple Ella

Autism and verbal processing. Autism can cause difficulties with verbal processing. In this video I discuss these issues and ideas to improve these issues. More below.
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A little bit about me:
Hi I'm Purple Ella and my family is an autism family with three out of five of us on the autistic spectrum. So life can be a challenge but also a lot of fun.
Helpful links
The National Autistic Society - autism.org.uk

[@no_peace]

Oh man when someone tries to explain driving directions or like, explain the layout of a store or something, especially if I don't even need to go there or whatever, I start getting upset because I can't get them to stop and they won't give up until they think I understand but I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND!

[@dinaatjuh]

I get that too when people are trying to get me to understand numbers and I'm like yeah but ok you're telling me this because one is better then the other? Or bigger? Can you just tell me what you mean and skip the numbers please cause it sounds like chinese to me and you're only confusing me more.

[@mellisamills]

I just say "okay, thank you!" And turn around not knowing what they said

[@erinmariegreen3333]

Same!

[@Haz20001]

I panic when people launch into verbal driving instructions. Makes me want to run away!

[@Friendlyspectre]

I have this problem to!! I can never absorb verbal information unless it’s a hyperfixation of mine. How am I supposed to memorize your phone number if you don’t write it down? How am I supposed to know where to go if you don’t mark out a route on a map? I swear my family has the best memories they could ever have if they can describe directions as “go left, then go right, then take another right onto the freeway at this street” while vaguely gesturing with their hands.

[@sovereignsoulutions6612]

Oh yes...sensory overload and paying attention to EACH detail of someone's story. 🤦‍♀️

[@lIvlongbalive]

That's exactly what I do! Blurting something out quickly before Ive had a chance to think about it just to avoid embarrassing silences and then regretting what I've said

[@emilyb9222]

Me too. Sometimes I feel like I've lied too. But it's not with the intention to deceive. It's just to ensure the conversation flows. If I want to answer genuinely, I would slow everything down.

[@xBloodxFangx]

I usually give an "I dont care" to a lot of things when asked to pick one of several things in a row. Then later I feel like I didnt have a choice at all and am not happy with the outcome.

[@CrumbsDM]

llvlongbalive Same here, conversations move too fast sometimes

[@CrumbsDM]

@@emilyb9222 Yep, same here. I also dissect conversations afterwards and sometimes it's not good. I suddenly realise that someone has been really off with me but done it with smooth talking

[@adamstephens9043]

@@CrumbsDM Oh, I had a friend who I think kept me around to do this to me.

[@planetag310]

I don't know if this is an autism thing, but often something is explained too fast and my brain can't catch up. I'm hearing the words, but not processing their meaning, so I get lost. Also, during movies, I frequently have to ask the person sitting next to me what just happened. I space out.

[@Friendlyspectre]

That’s a pretty common neurodivergant experience. I have ADD and a lot of the time I have to watch things alone so I can pause and rewind when I need to. I also retreat into my mind a lot in the form of a constant inner monologue so it’s not hard for that inner monologue to be the only thing I’m focusing on on accident. I’ve found it gets a lot harder when I’m tired or overstimulated, so I have to find time when I’m in the mood to watch things if I want to do so.

[@Catlily5]

I rewind these KZbin videos a lot.

[@ivanramirez8145]

😥😥😥 Same here, i feel so retarded.

[@hlysna3039]

Subtitles help me keep up and stay focussed

[@artwithjam3304]

Whenever I'm getting overwhelmed and having trouble replying quickly I usually say "let me think" that seems to get people to wait a bit longer for a reply.

[@simplyvince1744]

When I was a kid my mom always got really annoyed with me because whenever people talked to me, especially when there wasn't a context I would respond with either "what?" or "huh?". Then just as they started to repeat what they said, my brain would catch up and I would answer. There were several times where she accused me of doing just to intentionally annoy her, but it really was related to processing time (of course my mother generally tends to believe I'm doing things for the sake of being annoying, so that isn't anything unusual). I'm a lot better about it now, than I was as a kid, but I often find myself responding before I fully process things still.

[@msamantham]

"whenever people talked to me, especially when there wasn't a context I would respond with either "what?" or "huh?". Then just as they started to repeat what they said, my brain would catch up and I would answer. " ---ME ME ME ME ME!

[@Catlily5]

That happens so often to me!

[@simplyvince1744]

@@bolinhong2598 you can't heal autism and I wouldn't want to. First of all it's genetic so "curing it" on a broader scale is just eugenics which is disgusting. Also it's the entire framework for how my brain and central nervous system functions. I would cease to be the same person without my autism and I mean that in a very literal sense. What herbalists who say that are really trying to achieve is making autistic people (often children) more quiet and manageable. We do not owe you silence and we do not owe you conformity. Diversity can be a beautiful thing (yes, even when that diversity is disabling). What those herbs have probably done to your son is not much of anything, but what you have done to your son is make him scared that you'll not love him if he doesn't conform to how you want him to be. He's masking his symptoms as a fear response, which is so much more harmful to him in the long run. Masking is a significant contributor to major burnout, anxiety, depression, large amounts of mental and physical health issues... And generally it comes with the feeling that if you have needs, it's unsafe to tell anyone about them, you have to solve those needs yourself even if it destroys you. Look. I use herbs for various things, not as a replacement for modern medicine but for some things it can be helpful. They haven't done a damn thing for my autism. What has helped for my autism is making sure I have the accommodations necessary to not live in a constant hell. Not giving your son the accommodations he needs, physically and mentally harms him. (Also I would like to point out that anyone calling themselves a doctor who you cannot find evidence of qualifications for when you search is probably not a reputable source. Because this "dr" doesn't even list herbalism certificates let alone degrees in anything. And beyond that if his "cures" really worked, other people would be sharing them)

[@moniquearnold1916]

That happened to me a lot in elementary school. My 4th-grade teacher thought I had hearing problems and kept sending me to be tested.

[@Elliepixie12]

I do the same thing, and also at work where I am overloaded with sensory stimulation (shop) I have been told I should get my hearing tested!!!!!! Makes me feel very conscious

[@cindynel6659]

5:09 As a child, it took me forever to decide if I really wanted tea, so I learned to just say "no, thank you" and if I did decide I wanted any after all I would just make it myself.

[@misspinkpunkykat]

My mom NEVER takes the time to slow down and get to the point. She HAS to tell me every single detail and gets angry when I "ignore" her or just stand there trying to process what she just said.

[@marienewcomb2349]

I have the worst time verbalizing from mind to mouth. I have the knowledge but I can't repeat the information accurately.

[@essmab2177]

I find it a struggle to translate emotional experiences into thoughts and/or verbalise them

[@MohammedIbrahim-uk8kg]

Me too, pls is there any hack that can help one navigate this.

[@raven4090]

I do too, or sometimes the sentence I planned has some of the words reversed when I say it out loud, or I lose a name the second I'm going to say it. POOF! it's gone without a trace. Then I feel stupid.

[@IanCullen]

Am lousy at this. Really bad when someone is trying to direct me somewhere, which is twice as bad when my ears are being bombarded with loads of traffic sounds, kids playing or any number of other environmental things.

[@lynnielew6165]

Re: taking a long time to respond. If I'm over stimulated and someone says something to me, or asks a question, often my eyes see their mouth moving, and I hear the words with my ears, but there's no meaning attached to it, it might as well be a foreign language... until a few seconds later when it suddenly computes and then i know what they've said... and then i can respond quickly from that point. But i can't answer a question until i know what was asked, so it seems like I'm just ignoring them or didn't hear them. (I have been referred for assessment, 95% sure it will result in a diagnosis.)

[@no_peace]

One time in a professional environment, I was having a hard time answering a question so I was trying to think my way through it, and someone (not the questioner) belly-laughed at me and said "That was a REALLY long pause!" Yeah thanks for noticing, that will definitely speed up my subsequent response time, you #$@&

[@essmab2177]

I really struggle when I ask someone a question (particularly in the case of gaining information I need to action one way or another) and the response is anything but an answer to the question. Major overload.

[@katiebibeau6783]

This is so spot on! I would add that I have asked my husband not to give me important verbal information when I’m doing something like cooking where I have to really focus, etc., because I can’t do that and focus on listening at the same time. He used to come home from work and start telling me important things while I was cooking which I wouldn’t remember later and he’d get frustrated and say, “I already told you this!” But I would have no recollection. So we are working on him asking if I am able to receive important verbal information at that moment and that helps, in addition to the great suggestions you already make in your video!

[@MichelleLJones-jv8ko]

Yes!! I have a really hard time cooking and listening to someone at the same time, too. My husband now knows to ask, "Is it okay if I talk now?" rather than jumping right into a conversation while I'm cooking or doing anything else that requires me to focus.

[@dianavp9054]

That happens to me, too, only if husband gets too detailed I screw up my ingredients. Then I ask him, how much do you care if dinner is screwed up or burnt?

[@lanamaceachern3097]

My husband does this too! I'm going to show him these comments so he knows it isn't just me not wanting to pay attention to him.

[@KatieM786]

Using few words and sticking to key points....it can help SO much. I had a boss at work a few years ago who really liked to talk, she was very nuerotypical and I found her difficult to navigate coz I was never quite sure what she was on about and how important tasks were. Her way of processing in her own brain was "thinking aloud." So I never really knew what she was on about at the time and just did what I thought was best. This was prior to my ASD diagnosis and I thought the issue was that I was defective but now I know it was just different brains trying to commnicate and not winning!

[@PurpleElla]

Katie M absolutely, and it's so useful to understand how you process as it helps us to find strategies to be able to access things that we have struggled with.

[@Gibbsong1]

I'm guilty of being too wordy and have a hard time changing despite desire to. One thing that seems to bridge the gap between my wordy nature and differing needs of others at my job is using a ticketing system. It forces me to show down and organize my request better and it includes fields like Priority Level and Due Date that help others receive the key information that they find useful.

[@Irene-gq4jr]

I work in IT. Says it all really. At one point I'd ask customers questions and get pretty ****ed off when they were telling me everything but the answers to the questions. This is what I do and I'm good at it, so just answer the ****ing questions. People can go on and on but unless they are becoming abusive (and they quickly get the vibe from me that abusive is not going to end well for them) I now let them ramble for a bit because it's what they're programmed to transmit even if I'm not programmed to receive information this way, and sometimes I pick up some clues. Then I say, "You just told me so much and I think there are a few red herrings in there. It's all a bit of a muddle, so let's recap - your main issue is this? The next is issue is that?". It wastes time but not everyone thinks in the terms of efficiency and stresses about it the way I do. I've learned to chill a bit on that front.

[@recoveringsoul755]

I used to work in IT also. Long time ago. People would ask me for reports, I kept track of the inventory. selling computers and stuff. I think of it as Translating what they want into what I know the computer can do with the data that is there. Similar to converting a Story problem into the formula. (side story, in high school I took a math class elective instead of starting Calculus right away and one section was solving story problems. The teacher taught us multiple ways of solving the different types of problems and frequently there would be data included in the question that was not necessary. I know the other kids could solve these problems if you just gave them the equation to solve. But when we had the test, worth 40 points, with 5 more extra credit. Well, I got a perfect score of 45, and everyone else failed. The teacher thought they failed to teach and threw out the results. He did tell everyone I got a perfect score, so at least he taught well enough for me. I think most people's eyes glaze over when you start talking story problems. It is a Translation issue. Convert english into a formula. ) OK back to story. At work one day someone came up to me and wanted to know what the top selling computer was in the previous 30 days. So I thought a minute and asked him if he wanted to know just by the number of units sold alone, the units sold * wholesale price, or units sold * retail price? He didn't know so he had to think about it, and get back to me.

[@Gibbsong1]

That may partly be that they called while they were still frustrated and worried about their computer or device and dine of their rambling may be an unintentional easy that they are decompressing. Another part of it may be that they are not specialized in the field and don't know what's relevant to relay so they relay everything...never as efficienct as an expert would communicate about the issue. Frustrating I know but they probably appreciate the time you spend allowing them to get it out and then ultimately helping them.

[@Susan-tr9rh]

I find that one of the main difficulties that I have in processing auditory information is the distraction of visual stimuli. So if I really want to to concentrate on what is being said, I close my eyes. I now realise that people find this a bit odd so if I feel able to, I explain that I value what they are saying but to process it, I need to close my eyes. If I am going into a situation where I know I will feel unable to explain, I wear dark glasses - by doing this they cannot see that my eyes are closed.

[@Friendlyspectre]

I don’t have it as bad, but I can’t talk or listen to anybody if I’m reading or writing as well as the other way around. I’m often too focused on how I should phase something or what something means to fully comprehend what someone is saying.

[@dianavp9054]

I can relate to the visual stimuli. If someone is speaking and their clothes are too loud (bright clashing colors or stripes with plaids or pinstripes that mess with my eyes), I can't get past that.

[@altitudeiseverything3163]

@@dianavp9054 Neon yellow… If someone is wearing neon yellow, I won’t understand even one sentence that is coming out of their mouth! Now that we understand I’m autistic, my husband has stopped wearing that color (a favorite of his) around me. I’m *so* grateful that he’s been accepting/accommodating of so many little things that bothered me so much, but I was afraid to mention most of them in fear of being dismissed as “too picky”, or “difficult.”

[@dianavp9054]

@@altitudeiseverything3163 Oh my - neon yellow?!! I wonder what that color preference says about hubby! LOL. My husband and I both prefer dark plain clothes. He likes the Steve-Jobs look and we both just like to blend into the background.

[@altitudeiseverything3163]

@@dianavp9054 LOL, IKR? He’s an extrovert and an athlete, on a cycling team. Hence the high visibility neon. But it’s crept into his casual wardrobe a bit, too. I prefer mostly black and shades of grey myself. We’re a mis-match in so many ways, but he’s been very good about the autism realization and it’s actually helping smooth over our many differences. There’s a reason we seem to be from two different planets!

[@bunnya2377]

My daughter Doodles and draws and teachers would make comments about it and she wasn't diagnosed as autistic and I would tell them if you want her to hear what you have to say and she needs to be able to draw or she won't hear a word you said. She is 19 and we're just now getting a diagnosis of autistic it explains so much

[@dimpsthealien333]

OMG yes! If I am in a meeting, I have to draw and that helps me hear what's being said by others. I guess NT's think that's rude, as if I am not paying attention but I am. Otherwise I zone out.

[@janewarnock8855]

In meetings I always "write notes" but it's really just an acceptable way to doodle 😁

[@brooke3343]

I was diagnosed with a language processing disorder, then anxiety, then ADHD, then depression, then Borderline Personality Disorder…. I’ve always felt deep down that no one could see me having autism because they think they know me better than myself and I’m too “high functioning” in their mind… so many meds so many fails .. I’m 28 now and still trying to fight for myself. I’ve always related to autism but everyone else feel otherwise.

[@hellequinm]

Autism can lead to all of those things you listed. I know it's not everyone that can get, but try to seek an specialist in autism and get an assessment. Probably the people you see are only trying to solve the symptoms, not the real deal.

[@brooke3343]

@@hellequinm yeah it’s been a difficult journey but even if I do have that diagnoses the jobs I’ve worked for do not help in anyway with the issues I face. It’s always been up to me to blend in and pretend I’m okay as I keep up with mediocrity.

[@fulicious2991]

It's so difficult to understand a detailed story outloud, yet that's exactly how I ramble on when I'm telling others something that happened

[@MistySie]

I know this video was posted 4 years ago, but I'm posting this in case other people stumble across this video. One of the most valuable things I learned is to say "let me think about that." When I was in therapy at 17 my therapist constantly got frustrated because I would take a whole minute or 2 to put together how I wanted to respond and at first would mistake it for not wanting to answer the question. Giving the option to say let me think about it let her know that I was actively listening and participating in the conversation but that I needed some time to form my response. It's not that I have to say it all the time (I'll forego saying it if I'm just having a conversation with my best friend or husband), but when I'm really having an in depth conversation that requires more brain processing, especially with someone new, I definitely find it helpful to acknowledge them and say "that was a good question, I need a moment to think about that" then form my response.

[@mellisamills]

My husband can go on and on with his stories and won't get to the point,sometimes even repeats and goes back to certain details, it makes me so angry!

[@xBloodxFangx]

Social situations for me are still hard, but made easier (especially in public) with my service dog. I use to shut down hard when in public. Even so much as going to the store and focusing on what cereal to get was too much. But with my service dog I can stand there and "fidget" by petting him or scratching behind his ear and better focus and decide what I want, while also being able to better socialize and communicate with others with out stressing. Plus it is nice to always have someone, even just a dog, by your side and he will guide me to an exit if I start to panic with over stimulation.

[@rwithers3]

Thanks Ella for your videos... very encouraging to me... just discovered a few months ago I'm on the spectrum (self diagnosed)... everything made a lot more sense to me...in my 60s so, better late than never... I'm the same way when someone speaks to me...I have to ask them to repeat what they've said and that's usually very annoying to them...I believe what is happening is that I'm over processing or over thinking what's being said... sometimes becoming stressful, making it worse... gotta try one of those do- dads...lol...I believe it would help... Fyi...love watching your hands... very calming... thanks again

[@amytuggle9945]

Audiobooks are a NO!

[@christinebaugh3743]

A bit late on this conversation. Auditory processing disorder seems to be common with people on the spectrum. It can be diagnosed by audiologist or speech therapists. Once diagnosed, there is therapy for where your particular "breakdown" in processing occurs. I was happy to find I had this as I thought I was just being stupid or weird

[@NeoOphelia]

I’ve been diagnosed for a week, and it’s been helpful finding your channel and watching your videos. I’m realizing that all the processing issues I’ve known I have and have worked on adapting around are actually related to autism! Imagine that! I experienced a lot of stress/trauma growing up because of it, such as not responding fast enough, saying “i don’t know”, or not understanding the point of the word salad I was just given (all mostly by my mother, textbook NPD), and I frequently experienced meltdowns because of it. “It’s not that you don’t know, it’s you don’t like the answer.” was a frequent accusation. Also constant interruptions, even to the point where if I opened my mouth to breath, suddenly I was accused of trying to interrupt and not listening! I dislike that it was all treated as though it was deliberate and because I didn’t care. It sucks, but at least now I know the reason and feel validated that there was a legitimate processing issue instead of some malicious intent. I’m still learning about everything, but I’m happy to explore now that I know!

[@valkyriablack1054]

I always hated when people talk "around" the topic 😅 I always say "please come to the point" For speeches what is useful for me is to take notes and to draw little figures on the side of the page while I listen. That's the only way I can focus only on the words.

[@Catlily5]

Notebook doodles saved me during lectures in school.

[@lilfoot63728]

When you talked about this story of the guy in a bus going to see a friend I was still at the annoying sound thingny when you got to the friend and I was like wait what did she say lmao

[@teebles47]

When I was in school sometimes I would get bored when the teacher was talking about something I knew already and tune out. Then I would tune back in and realize I didn't understand anymore. I find that fidgets keep me from getting so bored that I tune out, but still don't take much of my attention so I can still listen.

[@recoveringsoul755]

my son would pick all the bits off the bottom of his little shoes in kindergarten during carpet story time. But he was still listening. One teacher told me that even though he seems like he isn't paying attention he is picking it all up. He was almost able to skip 1st grade and took advanced classes later on. Not sure if he is on the spectrum though. But definitely smarter than I am.

[@Siquomb1]

@@recoveringsoul755 What a very astute teacher! 🤔

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@Siquomb1 Yes, and he was finally tested as a gifted student in 3rd grade, but his 5th grade teacher thought he had ADHD. Upon further investigation, I learned that the teacher was only about 20 years old, not married, had no brothers, and thought that HALF the boys in the class were ADHD. Nooo, you've just never been around boys going through puberty. Nothing to see here. I hope none of the other parents fell for that nonsense. She probably wanted my child to be drugged. Later at a funeral I ran into one of his earlier teachers and told her the ADHD claim and she laughed. That's ridiculous, he's a genius! she said. Glad I made the right call.

[@Catlily5]

I doodled in my notebook then I could pay attention better.

[@teebles47]

@@recoveringsoul755 not saying your child has ADHD but being ADHD and being a genius are not mutually exclusive.

[@Sky-Child]

For 13 years my ex quoted the same phrase at me. It was only aftter we split up that my friend told me I had misheard a word in this same phrase Every. Single. Time. Useless. Or when my partner asks a question and I go "Sorry, what?" And then answer him before he asks again. Brain just slow at listening. I can hear electricity buzzing in the walls, my actual hearing is fine.

[@autonomic_pilot]

Oh! That feeling, when you are actually allowed the time you desire, and deserve, and really in fact need to take in order to compose the response you want to give. That really hits.

[@Celticowl4136]

I have ADHD, autism and auditory processing disorder. It's so hard for me to hear people and keep up with what they are saying. I also can't remember anything said to me... Unless it's critical or negative about me of course 😂

[@loub3001]

Is zoning out an autistic trait?. I to get distracted easily with other things going on around me. When people are having a conversation with me, I feel like a blank out, then a few seconds later I realise they're still talking and I've completely missed what they have said.

[@user-wz4nn4ii4r]

Lou B happens to me too...I’m not diagnosed...from my understanding this can be caused by many different things..not just autism. ADHD, ADD, and PTSD/CPTSD are a few that can cause this dissociation...

[@Maya_rsbk]

I do that in school especially in history the teacher is talking I'm listening then I get distracted and start doing stuff with my mind the I realize he's just taught the entire calss whet we're doing and suddenly I'm stuck and don't know what we're doing🤦🏻‍♀️😂😅 LOL this happens every lesson🤦🏻‍♀️😅😂🤣

[@RaunienTheFirst]

I'm doing that right now! Something she says will trigger a cascade of thoughts in my head and then suddenly 30s have passed by and I've missed a sentence.

[@kittylynx8911]

This made me understand im not alone! I really thought everyone had this problem... wish my mom knew this when I was younger one of the best things my mom would do for me is pick me up from school after being there for an hour and I can go home and go under the covers and millions of pillows everywhere and be alone and shut off the world

[@lydiamichelson4170]

For me it works better if I'd be willing to just ask questions about what they said so they could answer the questions but then sometimes they get annoyed that they have to repeat there selfs but I prefer hearing all the details

[@leenaparsons9876]

"We live in the world where there is stuff" Ain't that the truth!

[@everTriumph]

I like news headlines. It's so much fun comparing the many ways I decoded the words with the apparently unrelated article. I spent some time in a world of nouns and verbs; the world of computer programming. Almost as a reaction I started playing with rhyme to go with a world of puns and multiple meanings. Was I made weird?

[@naomistarlight6178]

I like to push my phone's volume buttons on the side for a fidget toy! You can fiddle with that in your pocket, I just hope they don't get rid of all physical buttons on things in the future!

[@rainbowdrops6869]

I didn’t know about the background infos. I just wondered why I sometimes seem to not understand the other person. Thanks for these infos.Fidgets help me, like you, to concentrate and focus on what is said.Short sentences might be helpful.For me it’s helpful if you draw pictures and sensations in my head, so it’s easier to understand you.I think in pictures, sensations and emotions most time, I think very rarely in words. So I have difficulties in translating what’s in my head into words, and for several things I can’t find words. Especially for feelings. Teachers can make things haptic like one of my math teachers, and pictures or animations. They’ll stay in my head. ;)

[@colin101981]

thank you ella - this will help me understand my wife more.

[@TheWeeLuckyLamb]

I really recognised myself in literally everything you just said.

[@ThePAULOPABLO]

Also weak working memory can make it harder. Often I store information quite quickly into long term memory.

[@NidusFormicarum]

By far the most difficult is when someone criticize my for my behavior. "What does the person mean? Does it apply in that situation or in that situation? How on earth will I be able to deal with my feelings in that situation?" Then what happens is that I start to lose contact with reality and all earlier relationships where people have said similar things roll in my head. I may need days or sometimes even longer time to know how to respond properly. Generally speaking, I can't take much criticism and I often can't change much either, because I have enough issues with myself and my every day life as it is. I am usually not ready for change. :( That is the sad reality.

[@arc4705]

Honestly, my ADHD meandering rambles + inability to process other people's words just leads to a bad conversationalist and a very loud head that sounds like the Peanuts parents voices urgently overlapping . It's truly a miracle I get through any social interaction

[@sallydrage8102]

Hi Ella, great video, thank you. One of the first things I had to learn as a parent of a newly diagnosed autistic teenager was to only ask one question at a time. And then wait patiently for an answer! I was really rubbish at this by the way, and still sometimes slip up 4 years later.

[@dianavp9054]

Both my husband and I can take a long time to get to the point (I think we are both ASD), feeling the need to either share all or that the lead-up details are important, which they often really aren't. When he has too long of a lead-in, I tell him I need a 30-second summary first so my brain can latch onto the concept, as in "where are we going with this story?" Without that, my brain just jumps from one association to another until I'm in a different country, mentally, or just shopping in my head because it's more interesting that what he is saying. The other thing I struggle with is partial hearing loss, so that, with poor enunciation by the speaker, I lose a lot of the words and context. If I cannot visualize the words in my head, it's like I can't hear them!

[@thenineteenth8526]

I know at least two things that contribute to this. One is an impaired processing speed. Like many other autistic people, my processing speed is pretty bad. This means that I take longer processing information I'm given. So, each step of processing takes longer. Process the sounds into words, process the words to actually understand them, process your thoughts on the matter, process a response, actually process the actions necessary to respond... There's a lot of steps there to just understand and respond to something, making for very slow response times. I don't think it's just in verbal responses, either. I've found that I have an especially hard time with timing of responses, especially in conversations with multiple people. This is also partially because I have trouble reading social cues. Who told them to say listen to me when they meant look at me? I still have trouble even noticing the visual cue though... But my point is, it takes me longer to notice the cue and respond, which means I frequently end up accidentally interrupting or not being able to get a word in edgewise. The other thing I think plays a role is issues with working memory, which I and a lot of people on the spectrum have trouble with alongside other executive functioning issues. This causes me to not be able to remember things in short bursts of time very well. I am really bad at remembering lists of information, especially when given verbally. I think this may play a role in why your son had trouble remembering what he was supposed to do when you got him up. You gave him a list of tasks to do and he couldn't remember what the tasks were. This left him wandering around trying to remember what you told him to do, because he remembered you told him to do something, he just couldn't quite remember what. I find I often will think of getting something from the kitchen or something, and when I get there I forget what I came there for. I spend time opening and closing cabinets trying to remember what I came there for until I actually remember. I also definitely have trouble remembering instructions, especially multi-step ones. I usually can't remember more than three steps at once. This memory may be smaller for kids, too. Giving someone with Autism a written list of instructions can also help (maybe not for young kids who can't read), as if we forget a step we can just look at the list instead of asking for you to repeat the directions. Anyways, overall, I think remembering verbal information has a lot to do with these two things. Maybe you've noticed these things yourself, but were unable to put words to it because you'd never encountered the terms before. I encountered these terms through reading about Autism and talking to my therapist. I'd highly suggest you look into stuff like executive functioning issues if anyone's curious. ADHD has issues with this area as well. It has to do with organization and task management. Reading about it more may help you figure out how to tackle these issues and form workaround strategies. I hope this helped give you some insight on why people on the spectrum may have some trouble with verbal processing! This video definitely had some good points and I think the things she mentioned may even influence these issues, but I think processing speed and working memory play a big role in all this. Try looking up more information about these things online for some more help!

[@Haz20001]

I just can’t process fast enough! I’m fine in one-to-one, work or social situations, but taking directions is SOOOO hard!

[@skippergin2695]

I can pick out the info I need in a conversation but the rest is often just noise. Not always, but if they're talking to fast or they surprised me it is. How nervous I am at the time is a significant factor. I also learned not to add meaning to any issues I have. They are uncomfortable but they don't mean I'm worth less or that the world hates me.

[@supermariokenneth584]

I just had a feeling I would relate to this! What you said about feeling like you haven't fully expressed yourself, totally me. I've actually started to develop this "speech/response perfectionism" from always feeling like I can't fully express myself how I want. This is getting a little bit better for me now, but I do sometimes worry that I didn't accurately express something I said (which can be pretty much everything at times), something even feeling like I'm lying about certain things, and I start having regrets and over analyzing the things that I say. Like I feel so afraid that people will misunderstand me, even with friends and family. Even though my mom tells me she thinks I explain things accurately, it's hard to fully believe it because it's about how _I_ wished I could come across, not about how it _actually_ came out. *I actually had to edit this comment multiple times*

[@ellen_3]

❤ wow! Thank you.

[@hlysna3039]

Rule of three: if it has more than three steps, I want it written down because when I get to four I start doubting everything from specific words to the order of the instructions.

[@user-wh1nh9uk4w]

There is another trait we tend to get and that is Audio Processing Disorder, you can have it by itself, you don't have to be ASD. You can hear what is said, but you cannot process the sounds fast enough. This can be due to, speech to fast, accents changing pronounciation, or external sounds causing overload. I have this and thought it was just crazy me, I was much relieved to find out it is real and recognised. In todays fast and furious world, people will talk incredibly fast and I spend as much time asking for repeats and slow downs as I do on the basic convo, this turns a three minute sales phone call into a six minute waste of time, especially when I say I am not interested!! I use sub titles on the tv in an effort to catch up.

[@bipolartorecovery1485]

Purple does look nice on you. Also, thanks for explaining this. Really spells out what talking with my sister is like

[@fruhbisspattv5259]

Purple is my favorite colour, too. Love your videos!

[@kevinswoodkw]

I have had this problem all my life. School was just a succession of overwhelming noise which I eventually learned to block out. Although that didn't help my education. I have tremendous problems listening to information being said to me. This can be extremely frustrating for people close to me. Especially my wife.

[@novemberrites7337]

Thank you Ella, this was very helpful. I would sure love to hear more about your artistic life and your families lifestyle, absolutely!

[@shawntiprince]

Thank you! This video was so helpful. 😊

[@johnbladykas4454]

Smile and be happy

[@alexadellastella5247]

such an insightful video!

[@noconnell874]

I am bingewatching your videos and learning so much Ella! You are a great communicator, you explain everything so clearly and I appreciate that you make these videos in one take, no editing. This makes it so much more easy to watch, thank you and keep up the great work, happy Easter 🐣

[@NihouNi]

Thanks so much for your videos. They really help me understand my clients' worlds.

[@Beastcustomhotwheels]

Well said and exactly to the T what I struggle with in processing information

[@wildflowersar3595]

This is super helpful, thank you

[@reamcgurk2236]

I loved this it is very helpful to me in making adjustments to help me who is neurotypical and my much loved nephew who is neurodiverse to communicate better!

[@docallster]

Really helpful ❤

[@nikkymcfaul2042]

I loved those magnet toys.

[@josephswafford7578]

I'll listen..

[@justartpaint]

Spot on, that’s why I tell people to skip the small talk when speaking to me. Just get to the point is what I say.

[@sarahspinks516]

This video has really helped me gain a small insight into my daughters world. She has recently been diagnosed with Autism at age 11 after suffering anxiety for a number of years which has been worsening I think due to her hormones. She is definately worse with verbal processing recently as her anxiety is very heightened and I am really going to try and work on keeping things to the point and also giving her time to respond. Thank you for making these videos :D I've subscribed x

[@PurpleElla]

Great, I'm really glad it's helpful, I hope you find a way to help your daughter manage her anxiety and feel happier and better regulated

[@sarahspinks516]

Thanks have great Christmas

[@helenschloss7498]

I think you just described my daughter! Thank you for the tips. :-)

[@cindynel6659]

When I'm given a task at the office that entails more than simply what the end product should be, it's tricky to understand what is asked of me. Tell me what you would like, I'll figure out how to get it done.

[@bittencarrot9963]

thanks so much for the videos Ella they are so helpful for me I really like them! :)

[@MrAtheistQueen]

I work from home, which is nice. But sometimes I have to be in meetings and things. So, any loud stims don't go over well. I like rolling up strips of cloth as a stim. It's quiet, it gives my hands something to focus on, it's soft, etc. So, most people don't even know I'm doing it at all.

[@asecretcourtofcrowsandcloc4084]

As someone who is visually impaired I am off ten thinking about how much of our social interactions occur non-verbally and how frustrating it is for me when information in places like stores and educational settings or conveyed through primarily visual means. Your video has made me realize that it is equally important for me to focus on places and times when information is being given in only a verbal format because there are conditions which mean that people will have difficulties with processing this type of information. One of my professors who is an educator in special education setting recommended that if we were ever planning a program for a classroom where we did not know what potential conditions or accessibility needs children might have who were in our audience, that we should instead of just giving a verbal or visual presentation make sure to incorporate both verbal and visual elements this way we would make the material accessible to both auditory and visual learners. I know now that they will also make the material Accessable for people with auditory processing difficulties.

[@no_peace]

I knit or play with/break stuff like pens

[@kellygooderham1932]

My daughter uses a routine chart where it has tabs underneath held by velcro. So when she gets ready for bed she starts at the beginning which is turn off tech at 8pm, once this is done she folds the tab up and sticks it down to say it's done. Then no.2 on the routine would be put pj's on at 8.10pm (often needs extra time for each task), then she sticks the tab done to say it's done etc...etc... this helps cut out the verbal instructions so it less overwhelming and less demanding on her. Works really well. Kelly

[@imtheeternalscholar]

I was always looked at in my family as slow, mentally retarded because I couldn’t understand people. They didn’t realise I was autistic. I’d look at them like, “what the?” until I had actually processed what they were saying. They just put it down to me being deaf. They never knew or even considered that I may even be autistic! It’s only been recently that I even considered it myself because my youngest was diagnosed with autism and adhd that I was the same!! I’m 54 and autism was thought to be a mental retardation in those days and it was only picked up with boys who had it severely. They didn’t realise it was so diverse back then or even considered girls could have it! We’ve come a long way since then and I’m grateful!😊👍

[@juliewilson4847]

You sound perfect. Following you.

[@katya762]

Thanks for this video, it is nice to know that other people are experiencing the same things as me. At school my friends really help bc I ask them what we have to do and they tell my in one sentence what the teacher has spent a whole 20 minutes explaining. Some of my teachers realised I was struggling and spoke to me about it so now they write down the steps on the board which really shells because I process written information wayyyy better than verbal. Btw I am 15 and not diagnosed yet but I am going to speak to my GP later this week. Anyway thanks for the video 🙂

[@leahmchan8097]

Love your necklace! TARDIS! 😍 I LOVE Doctor Who!

[@JuliathePCGPinSW16]

I have sometimes doodled (just writing or drawing letters or patterns) on paper has a helpful effect during meetings which are really stressful for me as an Aspie. Do you or others find this helpful too?

[@wallcoconut9634]

I did that all the time in school, I would doodle when I listened to lessons and often remembered things better because I could look at a doodle and say, "oh, I learned this fact while drawing this". If I was kept from doodling, I tended to not do as well in that class. It's something I still do, if I keep my hands and eyes busy I can better focus my ears on what people say.

[@RandomJane104]

I need that tangle thingy.

[@leenaparsons9876]

Tangles!!

[@ajhebb]

Thank you for making this video because I've been struggling with this recently. My theory is that fidget toys help us concentrate because they ground us back to reality. I daydream A LOT, but my mind focuses on the smooth material when I am holding my fidget stone. Which allows me to process what's going on around me.

[@theautisticpage]

Some may think "shoes on" is blunt and uncareing. The opposite is true. It is a clear message, easy to understand, and without any added information to confuse things. My wife is learning to do the same with me and I am 51. Using this method makes things like getting ready to go ust much easier.

[@agentargent5127]

Haha my captions read 'hyperbole Ella here' instead of 'hi purple Ella here' 😂😂😂 made me laugh!

[@agentargent5127]

@@bolinhong2598 whatever connections you made with his speech and your herbs is a coincidence, pls don't abuse your child via your abelism and then boast about it 🤮

[@briannab1795]

I find that if I mentally repeat each word after they say it, it can help me focus on what they're saying

[@karstenburger9031]

If my sone needs longer for an answer, i have learned that it is especially for him to have control himself, and he also seems to notice small details how I said it and would ponder about it.

[@thedogtrainingangel4253]

Excellent video Purple Ella. I would add that I too struggle with having to reply instantly so I am trying to teach myself to simply reply either: 'That's a really interesting question, please let me think about my answer' (if it's something important) or if it is less important to simply say: 'Hang on let me just decide.' Hope that helps some people.

[@recoveringsoul755]

I am not sure if I am on the spectrum, but many traits do fit. I'm going through a divorce from an abusive alcoholic, almost a decade now. He's taken everything and increased the level of abuse. You can imagine how much fun it is in court. I have never been good at thinking fast on my feet and hire lawyer to help me. But been through quite a few and no end in sight. I am so quiet and afraid and in court??? Forget it. There better be reincarnation because this life is a total loss. I feel like I need everything explained multiple times in court, still don't understand, am too stressed to think, am terrified in the presence of evil. I wish there was a way for me to see the words Spoken in court also WRITTEN so that I could SEE them. I think I just do better with seeing the words. That way I can catch if they are trying to trip me up somehow and getting me to give up something without meaning to.

[@recoveringsoul755]

@@Siquomb1 I can't afford anything anymore. Sorry just now saw your comment because someone replied to a different comment of mine. I've lost my health coverage because SOME people don't ever comply with court orders. I was going to DV counseling at first, that was free and they don't have qualified people there anymore. It's frustrating

[@daisyfruity3040]

I can’t grasp verbal instructions but show it to me without explanation and let me see the patterns, I’ll know it instantly

[@leahmchan8097]

When my kids were younger, I found out that if I said don't jump on the bed/couch, they would tend to jump, cause all they heard was 'jump on the bed/couch' so I started just saying 'jump, no.' Two words. They listened better. But since they've gotten older and getting toward highschool, it's pointless with the 'word, no' (obviously). But my kids do wander around aimlessly with multi word directions. I'll have to remember to keep it (directions) short and sweet. Thank you.

[@bobbyb9718]

Fidgets help, but I like the clicky ones that are distracting to others 😀

[@isawthesign4421]

I believe fidget toys work on the premises of grounding your senses. So it helps keep excess simulation out, or muted allowing you to focus on what people are saying. Not positive but I think that's what I read.

[@PurpleElla]

Interesting, thank you.

[@carolinabaez5714]

I found myself telling my partner "hey, your sentence is incomplete!"... And it's because if I'm expected to infer the subject or the object of a sentence, I might just not get it

[@kellypawspa]

Sometimes I have to actually ask people to repeat themselves, not because I wasnt able to hear them, but because I cant understand what they are saying, as if theyve just spoken to me in Latin or something. Lol this is soooo anoying.

[@TechieSewing]

I can concentrate on any audio when my hands are engaged and when I don't need to look at faces. At college I used to fidget draw and wouldn't phase out during the lecture. Teachers would sometimes ask me something but I could answer because I was paying attention. Or sometimes I would raise my head and ask something myself. Much harder if I were looking at their face. *I wasn't looking at this video while listening to it, only looked to see fidget toys*.

[@jenniek4617]

Agree with all you say! I did chuckle though as I heard it as burble processing 😂x