Autistic After Dark - Autistic 'Communities'

I’m Autistic, and I have things I'd like to say. That's fuckin' it, right there

[@ThesilBmfm]

I know this is gonna sound dumb, but I completely relate to what you said towards the end there: "I tell someone something, they tell me I'm just totally *wrong* then they tell me what's right and it's just verbatim what I _literally just said_ " - - - BIG HUGS - - - I'm glad to be welcome in your world. If you want to know the value of community it's that right there: I was experiencing quite a lot of imposter syndrome today after a nice encounter with an old friend, but in which I got the distinct impression she thought I was just imagining the whole thing. Then I hear you say that and instantly know that I'm on my homeworld. Thank you for.................. for want of a better word......... *the empathy*

[@ThesilBmfm]

I'm very glad that you exist.

[@magical571]

Nobody knows you better than yourself.

[@TheCakeIsNotaVlog]

Indeed, not

[@the_allebasi]

One part of the video deeply reminded me of Tim Ingold's work on the way we perceive different groups as "the other" and that creates a barrier I think it's a nice work to look through when thinking about this movement of creating communities for ourselves. I don't think being in communities is a bad thing, but it can become a lot heavy (and rather dangerous) when it makes people close their minds for what's outside and different from them. I highly recommend reading about Tim Ingold's work. Nice video!

[@TheCakeIsNotaVlog]

I’m familiar with him, though not in depth. Probably popped up as a citation in something else I was reading. Psychology is something I’ve kept a passing familiarity with since high-school

[@the_allebasi]

@@TheCakeIsNotaVlog the article "Anthropology - why it matters" by T. Ingold is the one that kept showing up on my mind while watching. If you've never read it, I think it's a great work and really worth the effort (plus: it's an easy reading)! I also really like psychology, the Human Sciences are rather fascinating to me (and probably part of my Tism Rizz 😎).

[@gionniblasphemy]

my thinking and speech pattern are very similar to yours! I've greatly enjoyed this video. Please keep recording them!

[@TheCakeIsNotaVlog]

I most certainly will. Thank you

[@exenecoulsen9629]

Looking forward to your masking vlog because I honestly don't know that much about it no matter how much it's explained to me. Obviously the way I act around you isn't the way I act around co-workers etc. but that's apparently not masking.

[@TheCakeIsNotaVlog]

Yeah, it’s rather different. I can’t honestly say I understand it, either. As always, I can only give my perspective. Which is the whole point of this series. There isn’t any one size fits all. People are people

[@ThesilBmfm]

Hi, thank you for making this video. I'm brand new to the channel and haven't heard all the way to the end yet, but feel like interjecting this right off the bat, so as to check whether we're on the same page in terms of definitions or not, because I don't want to misunderstand your objection to 'the community', which I'll be honest, I'm finding very helpful. I haven't seen your older videos yet so I don't know much about you except that I like you. I don't know, for example, whether you found out that you were autistic at an early age or in adulthood so I don't want to make assumptions. (I know, the best way would be watch first and find out before commenting, but I'm a little impulsive sometimes.) I'm 50 and found out I'd been living as an autistic man three months ago maximum, after having lived in frankly a state of bewilderment at what, if anything, I'd 'done' when people formed negative views of me for what seemed like odd or hard-to-explain reasons, and my theories about what was going on were wildly off. I'm finding the presence of a community of autists on KZbin extremely helpful, but am definitely open to your arguments. Right, having typed all that, I might get to the point ^_^ OK...... I don't quite know for sure what you take 'double empathy' to refer to but I take it to mean this: When two people of different neuro-types communicate, person A faces subtle barriers correctly understanding what person B is communicating, both verbally and non-verbally, while person B also faces similar barriers correctly understanding person A, so rather than one of the pair having a social empathy _deficit_ in fact _both_ are wrestling with difficulties that they don't face when communicating with someone else of their neuro-type. I'm about to listen to the rest of your video, but I had to post this first, just to record what I take the concept to mean, so that someone else (not necessarily yourself because I know time's finite) can clarify whether you're arguing _against_ that proposition or _steel-manning it_ . For now I shall proceed without a clear understanding of your intention, and see what kind of picture emerges. Ironically I'm already aware that since I'm not clearly understanding something you're being quite meticulously clear about _undermines the proposition I just defined_ since I ought to have no difficulty in getting your meaning intuitively. To counter that, I would defer to the standard line that everyone's different so it could just be that I'm slow at picking up meanings sometimes. Anyway, enjoying what I'm seeing so far and will now listen properly instead of commenting after literally the first two minutes lol Thank you for making this video and the channel more generally, and I hope you have an excellent day. I'm a little bit anxious this evening because of a news story but I won't spill it all over you if you're not already bothered about it this evening (lol 'evening' being 1.25am of course). I'm determined not to spiral until dawn though, so I'll do this video of yours, one more of yours to gain context regarding 'diagnosis' and so on, then a quick check to see if anything else important is going on in the subscriptions feed, then *sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep* which I have no doubt Lady Thirlwall is having no difficulty in doing :\

[@TheCakeIsNotaVlog]

I’m actually not sure if I do fully explain it, but no, that’s no what I meant by double empathy. I’m honestly not even sure what other people mean, so I might be way off base. But essentially, when I talk about the double empathy problem, I’m understanding it being an issue of empathy going both ways. As in, one person is empathetic, but the other person doesn’t return in kind. Specifically to Autism as that being the Autistic person bending over backwards to accommodate, whilst being consistently told it’s not good enough. Which is certainly something I’ve experienced, and hat I definitely _do_ talk about

[@ThesilBmfm]

I get accused of being blunt. At risk of being blunt, I'm going to go out on a limb. Are you getting left-wing icks? I had that myself at first. I'm riddled with cognitive dissonance because I'm finding myself getting really 'woke' lol If you're worried that you might end up like one of the People Who Know Best who nitpick language and hate on White people, men, straights, etc. etc. don't worry about it. Honestly listening to the big channels, the vast majority are extremely cognizant of how diverse we are, and very tolerant of the fact we may see irrelevant things differently. I'm going to advocate for the advocates: they're _nothing like_ the stupid school teachers and so on that try to jump on autistic kids from an early age and shape them to be _appropriate_ - that's not what the community's setting out to do. In fact most of them are self-consciously careful _not_ to come off as tone police and political gatekeepers. I still have some pretty heavy alt-right priors so if you're ever anxious about expressing a sensible idea without getting your head bitten off, I'd love to listen with genuine openness.

[@ThesilBmfm]

(Where I come from we say 'newence' lol and 'ségeww')

[@ThesilBmfm]

@@TheCakeIsNotaVlog right!!!! What you're talking about is the 'fact' that we lack empathy because neurotypical people take us the wrong way and think we're at the same time humourless _and_ inappropriately unserious. What other Aut-Tubers are talking about is the idea that neurotypicals misunderstanding us like that is a form of deficit _on their part_ so rather than the whole thing being a 'symptom' of our 'illness', it's just a fact of life that _both parties_ should be trying to surpass and accommodate instead of landing the burden at _our feet alone_ - they're agreeing with you! xxxxx (no homo) You're a delightful discovery. Even the fact your old anxiety stuff's still up is immensely helpful because it shows you being 110% honest and accurate about how you feel being autistic _because you didn't even know_ - we've all been there but with us we just don't have the videos so we're having to guess and piece it together, but with you it's right there. This is immensely valuable. Thank you for all you do, major respect.

[@minellasalonen8546]

I just found your channel and really like the way you talk about things. I totally agree with the ridiculousness of the list videos: "If you brush you teeth like this, you are autistic" Gosh! Certain habits with personal hygiene can indicate sensory differences - sure. But sensory differences can be cause by SO many other things as well. The oversimplication is annoying. However, I am going to disagree a bit on your argument about how problematic narratives are. Because what I started thinking about was that is there any possibility for sharing ANY human experience unless we form some sort of narrative around it? If we search to live completely without build and constructed narratives (outside of literature, I mean), wouldn't that make any kind of communication impossible? As soon we start saying things like "I'm autistic" or "I'm neurotypical" or even "I'm a woman" or "I'm a teacher" etc. are we not simplifying our complex life circumstances and internal world in terms that the other person might understand - thus automatically creating a sort of narrative in the simplification? I'm not even sure if I'm making any sense... if not, sorry! 😅

[@TheCakeIsNotaVlog]

Yeah, I hear you. It's not that I'm completely against the idea of things being organised, or even simplified. It's more about wanting to re-frame the way we talk about these things. I think I said in here, that guy who also does Autism videos, the way it's put is "my version of Autism". That's how I think it should be. Rather than making it all about explaining the Autistic experience, because that varies from person to person. Just as anything does. There are broad stroke commonalities, but that's about it. Everyone is an individual, with unique experiences. Think of it like this. I have a beard. Now, imagine my entire channel is about the realities of living life with a beard. And I was talking about it like , this is how _every_ bearded, middle-aged man lives their life. It would be ludicrous. So I get wound up about anyone trying to speak like an authority on living with Autism. Does that make sense?

[@stoicstrawberries]

love ur shirt lol ^_^

[@TheCakeIsNotaVlog]

I’m quite fond of it myself

[@TheAIKnowledgeHub]

When it comes to telling if someone is autistic or not, I refer to the DSM-5 and ICD-11.

[@TheCakeIsNotaVlog]

I have my issue with the DSM, but it’s not a bad starting point. And credit where credit’s due, it also clearly states that it’s a general idea

[@TheAIKnowledgeHub]

@@TheCakeIsNotaVlog ya the DSM-5 and ICD-11 is good starting points. But without meeting them then no doctor will say you are autistic to start with. Any test beyond that shows how how dependent you are. Like the DSM-5 and ICD-11 has 2 parts. Both, the first part all of it has to be met and it is a social part. I then the DSM-5 the social part is only 3 things and ICD-11 is 2 things. And then the rest of it the person has to meet part of it. Anyways because the test can be such a pain to get in most locations. What some doctors recommend people to do is take online test from places like Embrace Autism, which has free test. If it says you aren't autistic, then the chances you are is extremely low. But take a few test, bring them into the doctors, and try to work on a way for an official test. But even without an official test, some of them are pretty accurate and unless if your gov actually helps you out. Then there might be very little point to an official diagnose. It just should be noted self diagnosis has a 30% failure rate.

[@TheCakeIsNotaVlog]

I'm still quite fond of the Baron-Cohen test, though that might just be nostalgia. Or whatever you want to call it. I took that at least twenty years ago, so I've pretty much known for all of my adult life. I just knew enough to know how difficult it can be, to actually get a diagnosis. So I held off, for a long time. Especially after a Psychiatrist told me, bluntly, I wasn't Autistic because, I might think my life was hard, but it really wasn't. Real professional. I was actually certain that, when I finally did go for a formal diagnosis, it would come back as negative. So I was pleasantly surprised when it didn't. Things are getting better, that's fer true. But there's a hell of a long way still to go