Autistic or Narcissistic: How To Spot The Differences

[@ChrisandDebby]

If you’re autistic, you probably feel misunderstood often - and being labeled self centered or narcissistic is just one part of that. Here’s our video on the double empathy and miscommunication: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y5KVgGaYn7GlqcU And don’t forget to share your experiences too! ⤵️ We learn a lot from everyone here in this awesome community

[@craigbrowning9448]

Elon Musk is almost certainly in that 6.4%.

[@Cheryl_Frazier]

We attract narcissists like a bug to a light, and sometimes we think we are the narcissist. This video really helps differentiate between the two. Thanks!!

[@AlineDreams]

@@craigbrowning9448 Yeah, he's both autistic and a narcissist, that much is rather obvious. Some people can be both and he's one of them.

[@AnthonyManzio]

Call the police have them arrested and lock up these coward lazy bullies who are so miserable and super jealous of top workers, jealous that i own a condo, got money. Bums will always be bums friends with losers. 40 years top worker. Never let these fools ever win. 56 here trying to destroy my reputation with defamation of character. Saying i go harassing's women stalking them, i drink, I'm crazy, insecure, unstable. All 100% pure bs. My managers all know who i am. Never been suspend. Gaslight me, using flying monkeys, gang stalking me. Been doing this to me or the last 16 years. This is criminal?

[@drrains]

@AnthonyManzio me too. After 7 years let me go because I made co workers uncomfortable. My supervisors were cold and devisive and ignored my autism evaluation

[@mind_palace]

Being called a narcissist by an narcissist, as an autistic adult, we all needed to hear this.

[@missmissy5170]

Lol this happened to me recently

[@whaleventures6228]

And calls you toxic

[@amyhawks370]

Just recently happened to me and it is still blowing my mind

[@amyhawks370]

@@whaleventures6228unsafe is the word used and I was devastated

[@suvikerttula4800]

That’s just what narcissists do. They project their own traits to others.

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

I've dated someone who's a narc and another who's autistic. Intent was the key difference. I could explain to the Narc when something upset me and he'd go do more of it and boast about it. Autstic guy wouldn't realize and then listen and understand and even share what was going on on their side. We reached an understanding and would be mindful of one anothers needs.

[@carissahernandez4101]

Yep you touched on that really well. My dad has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder, I’m pretty sure he has it. My grandma has diagnosed npd she was keeping a secret until my mom found out (her npd was only diagnosed because she was forced to go to a doctor for her schizophrenia). Anyways, having experienced narcissistic abuse, I can say intent is a huge thing. Narcissists enjoy and take pleasure in hurting others, while someone without antisocial personality disorder/s does not take pleasure in hurting others. Intent is a very big deal. I am autistic and have adhd, I cannot stand if I have hurt someone. If they tell me I have hurt them, I will try to do better if it’s something I can reasonably change. Narcissists will not do this and they do not care.

[@willieeetmioutt716]

Baby comeback!

[@naturgehöft-sieghexe]

this. autistic people seek connection but struggle with it due to the brain differences. narcissistic people don't actually want connection, they want admiration and dominance. autstic people focus on one thing and need time to focus on another thing. narcissistic people focus on themselves and how something is related to them. autistic people want to understand and be understood in how and who they truly are. narcissistic people DON'T want to be understood and seen at all, they want to control the narrative, the world around them so noone sees who they are. they wan't to make you see them how they want to be seen.

[@EddieTheH]

I have noticed I'm a bit of both. I'm not normally intentionally manipulative but I have noticed, on reflection, that there are times when I am manipulative to get what I want, but it's subtle enough that I don't notice it til after.

[@Corvyboi]

That's such a good example to understand the difference 👍

[@caitlynhays720]

I can pay much more attention to people without eye contact. Eye contact makes me focus 100% on the eye contact. Is this okay? Isn't it too much? Am I not being creepy right now? How many times am I supposed to look away? There's so much to regulate that I CANNOT at the same time devote all my attention to what is being said.

[@karens8633]

Do you want me to look at you or do you want me to actually hear what you are saying?

[@samcrorie]

Same...

[@levertarpkars7678]

i think of eye contact more like occasionally checking in on their expression/reaction than a constant channel to their soul if that helps. a second here and there is enough.

[@AlineDreams]

Eye contact makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason, always had. It feels like I'm being needlessly scrutinized.

[@Florabebe777]

💯🙏🏾

[@Brian-qg9bm]

Autism does not require manipulation in order to exist. There is no pathological need for praise. Autism does not require others to cease to be themselves.

[@nomoresunforever3695]

You seem like you are stuck in an Us VS Them mentality.

[@cometnight0]

@@nomoresunforever3695 They're just saying that Autistic ppl don't have narcissistic traits/mentality. Where did you get "us vs them"

[@sunnybein1]

@@Brian-qg9bm well said.Surface judging NTs are clueless.

[@naturgehöft-sieghexe]

@@nomoresunforever3695 maybe you should investigate why you perceive it like that because I can't find what you concluded anywhere in this comment. All I read is facts about what ASD do/don't that are different from NPD. there's no VS in there.

[@MusicalCreativity]

Apparently wanting an acknowledgement of my success, like a "good job!", is a pathological need for praise according to my step mom.

[@Stormbrise]

Not to mention we are also scapegoated by Narcissists on a regular basis.

[@JaneNewAuthor]

Targeted by them!!!

[@sammonicuslux]

@@Stormbrise oh gosh yes! My mom was a narcissist with TBI. It was ROUGH growing up and I struggled to figure out what was true and what was her manipulated truth. She once (accidentally) slammed my fingers in the car door (I was 6 or 7 and afraid of a drs appt) because she was angry that I was scared. When I said OWWW too loudly for her liking, she said that was god punishing me. No ownership of her emotions or actions and never ever an ounce, a drip of empathy....yet SHE demanded it from us.

[@endleontiozae7061]

I was raised by a narcissist. Because of her I have zero struggles seeing lies. Even small ones make a change in someone's mannerisms.

[@sikeitoobroke638]

No wait why is this true…and it’s so easy too 😭

[@sikeitoobroke638]

It happened before I knew it.

[@akaymac1]

I have actually had a relationship with someone who is on the spectrum and also is a narcissist. It's a VERY interesting combination. I'd say he was one of the vulnerable/covert types. Because of his autism, he lacked the "social smoothness" that many narcissists have and his socialization was/is rather clunky and hasn't given him many friends. But, boy oh boy, did he really treat people (including me) like objects for whatever use he saw fit. If you didn't do what he wanted, he'd just toss you out like an old appliance and then when he lost supply, he'd try to worm his way back in. It's kind of a dangerous combo because for people with AuDHD (newly diagnosed) like myself, you feel this deep kinship and connection with another neurodivergent person, yet they are actually very different and actually don't have empathy at all. It's wild and something I'm still recovering from. I think this video was very helpful and coming back to the key difference - narcissists lack empathy and that truly distinguishes them. Having seen both, I can attest to this.

[@Stateofthedermis]

Ditto

[@JadedGenXer]

I'm so sorry you went through this. Question, was your ex actually diagnosed with either or. I'm not doubting you at all but I commented above you and I went through a similar thing, he stole everything I ownd and I've been fighting my A hole for 5 years in court over custody matters. But in the court finding though all this it came to light that my ex lied about reviving a Asperger's diagnosis back in the 90s , he was not autistic at all and I was not his first or last autistic women victim. I got suckered for 6 years forgiving his autistic quirks that became abusive because he out up with my AÛDHD quirks and I thought we had a unique understanding of each other, both being on the spectrum but it turns out he is not. He has found another autistic women to torture since and I tried to warn her but I just found like a jilted ex. She have given everything up for him including her kid and now has her living in a isolated country town away from all her supports. It will end badly.

[@seasonsstarsstudios]

That’s an extremely rare combination, from what I understand. Autism is almost guaranteed to have empathy in abundance, so to have both in the same person is wild.

[@flxmkr]

Just curious…was he the type that cared for someone suffering in the cold so much that he would give them the coat off your back?

[@sunnybein1]

@@seasonsstarsstudiosit’s not when you consider NPD develops from childhood trauma/invalidation…Autistics can be invalidated/have parents who are Narcs with zero empathy just like NTs.

[@edweirdmassey]

Great video, I have had both autistic people and NPD people in my life and I completely agree. The person with autism struggled to show empathy but I always knew deep down they cared a lot. The NPD on the other hand could fake empathy but deep down they really had none, zero, nada.

[@drrains]

Wow. Thank you for this. Especially being labeled as uncaring when i care but feel phony for making my face look like i care.

[@PabloMars99]

Me too. I’m just not an animated person.

[@PabloMars99]

Me too. I’m just not an animated person, ya know.

[@MelanieDPerkins]

Side bar: I was in a situation recently, and unsurprisingly, I was experiencing social anxiety. My brain said, "SHYYYY!" and gave me a giggle and the ability to relax a little. Thanks, as always, for your thoughtful videos.

[@alienatedd]

love this! i found myself stimming with this word the other day after watching the video 🤣🤣🫶🫶🫶

[@ChrisandDebby]

@@MelanieDPerkins this comment made my entire week 🙌 🙌

[@ShelbyTaylorRyan]

The way you just explained how we can see someone's soul when looking in their eyes and then just trail off.." We don't need that". I never felt sooooo seen, and giggled.

[@nomoresunforever3695]

What's so bad about seeing someone's soul? We all have souls. Our souls are important.

[@thehuntressdanni2972]

​@@nomoresunforever3695 Nobody claimed souls were not good. Nobody claimed souls were bad. People claimed souls were uncomfortable to look at. I think that should be respected more often in daily life situations.

[@kirjoy991]

My best friend has high level "aspergers" old term I know. He is the most loving, devoted and kind heaeted person who loves with his whole heart. His feelings are out on his sleeve when he opens up. He is refreshing

[@AletaBoyette]

Hugs to him, he is a rare I dividual

[@mind_palace]

Pro tip when dealing with narcissistic parents/people: Record those conversations. Because 1. They won't admit the hurtful things they've said, 2. They will change the scene in their minds to make them seem better, 3. When you're so used to the abuse, and not know what's normal anymore, someone else who you trust(friend/therapist etc ) can listen to it and tell you what's actually going on.

[@newtuber4freedom43]

Recording without permission can get you in a lot of trouble, beat to a pulp or unalived. Know inside yourself that they are gaslighting you and then mentally move on. It's really difficult. Never call out a narcissist. Save your own life!

[@kathyingram3061]

~This is one of the things i like about texting & email~I can go back & re-read the actual conversations~

[@delphoeneevenhuis5199]

Other people get away with stuff we don't because people like them, pretty straight forward to me!

[@katielangsner495]

Sometimes we chew on ideas, and sometimes ideas seem to chew on us!

[@tammyfisher7777]

Just wondering if you and Debby have ever considered writing a book? I Love your content. It is so relatable and I have learned so much about myself and my AUDHD. Thank you both for the content you share. 🙂

[@ChrisandDebby]

@@tammyfisher7777 that’s certainly a future aspiration!! And very flattering of you to mention - so glad that you’re finding our content helpful and also appreciate your comments too. We have some new projects coming soon that we are excited to share here soon, but maybe something for us to consider after that? And thank you for being here!! We really appreciate this community ❤️

[@pagesculptor]

As someone who is married to an autistic man, I can tell you this is 100% accurate. I am frequently caught by surprise by my husband's struggle with communication. When he explained it to me, I was pretty amazed.

[@williamfry6087]

This is amazing and brilliant. thank you. My brother was somewhat autistic. A gentle and intelligent man. My wife is narcissistic. Big difference.

[@WillSoftmore]

Just stumbled on this video. This is brilliant! Still awaiting formal diagnosis but I'm pretty definitely autistic and wondered if I was narcissistic for a lot of the reasons given. Thank you so much for clearing this up! Definitely gonna check out your other videos now.

[@frootusloopus]

Idk a narcissist is manipulative whereas somebody with autism is just being honest. We all wish we could lose our filters and call it like it is

[@starfoxloves]

I've listened to so many videos about autism and, of course we resist change, but for some reason the clip of you and Debbie talking about which way to walk, reminded me of a time about 12 years ago when my ex tried to tell me I wasn't supposed to walk my dogs the same way every time and I was horrified by that concept. 😂😂😂 Looking back now, it makes so much sense that I literally laughed so hard that I cried! And PS, my current dog has walked the same walk everyday of her four years of life and she loves it! We go different places to explore when we're feeling up to it, but the tried and true always brings us back to ourselves. 😊💛💛💛

[@ChrisandDebby]

@@starfoxloves thanks for sharing about your walking route. It was a huge epiphany for us when we realized how differently we approach “simple” things like that. I’m glad it sounds like you have the perfect walking buddy now 🐕

[@royalpitamamma]

My son likes restaraunts based on what he knows he can eat and his favorite table. He prefers to be in the house though. My daughter is the same. They all complain about how I do everything the same, but I really don't. I changed my diet, which was hard to do.

[@lionunderthestars7019]

Hi, Chris and Debby Thanks to a certain political figure constantly being described as narcissistic I became interested in the subject. Thanks to the KZbin algorithms I quickly found all the videos that led to my self diagnosis as AuDhd (previously officially diagnosed ADHD). This is the first video I have come across that directly compares the two. Very relatable.Thank you.

[@DWSP101]

If you wanna hear from a person who’s been studying narcissism for literally years due to the fact that I was labeled a narcissist, then found out later that I was autistic, but I did have quite a bit of narcissistic tendencies, and some things that can be perceived as narcissistic tendencies. There’s a big overlap difference in a lot of areas. Narcissist: are not blind to their motives or emotions they can be in denial at times which is a form of blindness, but it’s the psyche blocking itself. Autistic people can have narcissistic tendencies, but that also comes from a lack of understanding of others in the social nuances that are expected from the social construct of what neurotic individuals have in mind . Autistic people might be limited in some areas where our emotions strongly understood by ourselves or our emotions stop at a certain point and they level off instead continuously growing up like other people we might have a monotone expression Narcissist manipulators Autistic people can also learn manipulative. Tactics not meant for malicious intent, but survival mechanisms. Usually it is from years of abuse they become codependent and no matter what codependent does not mean you are fragile victim codependent means that you can have some manipulative tendencies To it shortly, a narcissist from a artist person can be actually difficult at times, depending on the severity of the psychological issues autistic people are not genuinely trying to be narcissistic. They just don’t understand because they have a limited understanding in certain areas you have to approach each individual from a different angle to try to figure out. How can you reach that spot of logical understanding and emotional awareness. A narcissist unfortunately, is someone who is in literal law, law world, denial, and will not choose to go out of their grandiose personification of who they are or if they are a vulnerable narcissist then they will try to act like the victim become a master manipulator, and they will try to make you feel bad for them all the time . I could break down even more explained,

[@MikelAntonio-n6y]

Exciting video, A year ago I took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other

[@MeganGood-n4f]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.

[@MikelAntonio-n6y]

I feel your pain sister , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.

[@MeganGood-n4f]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?

[@MikelAntonio-n6y]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@MeganGood-n4f]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@ManyArmedMooseDei]

As an AuDHDer myself, I find we are quite the opposite of narcissists: we tend to be frank, objective, not playing mind games, and have a strong moral compass. Some of us feel such intense empathy we have to self monitor it to keep from overload, and sometimes that may come off as cool, perhaps, but it is far from being dismissive of others, which is something narcissists are known for. I suppose another factor in some instances, including myself, is the further intricacy of also being a Dissociative Identity, as certain headmates exist for certain reasons, and may perhaps come off as cold or the like, because they happen to be a certain way to cope with a certain stressor.

[@somebodyody]

I was misdiagnosed with covert narcissistic personality disorder thanks to life events & a relationship that left me cynical, distrustful, and numb, and psychologist that didn’t know any better. I don’t blame the psychologist. Reading the notes I would bring to my psychology sessions, along with journal entries at the time, I can see how she reached her conclusion. I also can see how all of the issues I brought up were symptoms of autism phrased from the perspective of someone who had lost hope in the world. Thankfully, the diagnosis was eventually withdrawn.

[@Shayne_T]

Psychologists do not understand NPD, but HG Tudor does. It exists in 16% of the population.. big difference between NPD and autism.

[@nonotamermaid]

I love this channel so much! It’s soooo nice to have my experience put into words so well. Do you think you guys could do a video on the holidays / family and holiday related gatherings? I would love one on that! It’s probably the hardest time of the year for me as an autistic woman

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks for this suggestion! We added this to our list - will see if we can manage one before the upcoming holidays but in the meantime, we made a free holiday guide last year - here’s the link! chrisanddebby.mykajabi.com/holiday BUT we will try to see if we can make a video on this topic in time for the upcoming holidays - it’s also looming ahead and on my mind too 😬

[@michaelmessenger5742]

You're the most beautiful & loveliest ever born You're a gift and a blessing to this world You're more than what You think You are Love will gaze into Your righteous eyes & soul

[@1mommymodel]

What a great video! I love researching about the brain in general and this video stands out from most others I’ve watched and I’ve watch 100s!

[@Mrnd9]

Always nice to know we're being compared to narcissists

[@fettbub92]

I think thats a big struggle for many late/adult diagnosed autistics, worrying that you are a selfish or broken person, but with help, you realize you arent; just have challenges to work around. Its a good feeling, to have an understanding and a plan on how to navigate life less, frustratingly.

[@DWSP101]

One thing I learned to pull myself away from things that look like narcissism is when you’re in a relationship and it’s either you’re right or you’re wrong sometimes being wrong in the argument as in letting the other person win is the better way to go about it, even if you know that they are factually wrong about a subject That you hundred percent know is true relationship dynamic you have to give up a certain form of correctness to be able to flow correctly with your partner sometimes you have to let someone else be wrong but still be right. It’s so that you can keep the relationship from having some major problems I figured out through my experiences.

[@Sunmoonandstars123]

My sister has recently diagnosed herself with neurodivergence. I don’t disagree, but she has also been highly abusive since childhood to me and our mom, and now her spouse. She is now framing her behaviour as due to her neurodivergence. It feels like an excuse, and a way to avoid accountability for her hurtful behaviour, name calling, disdain, and public verbal and emotional abuse of her husband. She may indeed be neurodivergent but she is also an abuser. I don’t have time for it and frankly I don’t care if being ND is at the root of her behaviour, it’s unacceptable either way.

[@Nina_Olivia]

I don’t blame you. I’ve experienced this with people as well.

[@sunnybein1]

Her behaviour is not because she’s Neurodivergent..it’s because she’s entitled and abusive which smacks of a Narc.

[@suzannefrazier7285]

I agree

[@incognito7843]

A lot of people use diagnosis as an excuse to be assholes. Autistic, ADHD, post stress, alcoholics, depression, bipolar, etc. Especially narcissists use diagnoses to gaslight others and demand change from others instead of seeing it as a queue to make changes themselves to adapt to the diagnosis. A diagnosis should be about overcoming oneselfs difficulties, not use it as an excuse to hurt other people. Autistic people who are narcissistic are just as toxic and dangerous as neurotypical narcissists. Avoid them.

[@v.m.7239]

Borderline Personality Disorder falls under the category of neurodivergence but so does psychopathy. That doesn’t make the behavior okay. It’s like saying “I only talk about myself instead of asking people get-to-know-you questions because I’m hard of hearing.” Sure, it might be less of a struggle to dominate a conversation than to try to be a good listener, but there are ways to try to problem-solve that doesn’t end up killing all the relationships around you. Read “stop walking on eggshells.”

[@endleontiozae7061]

When I want a good read of someone, i do make eye contact. Thats why I avoid it with my friends. I can't help but see every little emote peek through and I can see a lie before it leaves the mouth. It took me a while to realize this but now I know.

[@hufficag]

Sometimes we have to believe a lie and go along with it towards our own destruction because otherwise we're punished for being rebellious

[@Nama-Montana]

I didn’t know this channel is that good! My whole attention for ten minutes straight. ❤❤❤thanks.

[@ChrisandDebby]

That's awesome feedback!!! Let us know how we do with some of our other videos too 🙂

[@Eddison33]

I've been called narcissistic by my own therapist. Because of how I fail to see other points of view and talk only about what I find important and interesting. I confirmed my autism not long after parting ways with that therapist. From what I learnt later, there's a good and simple way to distinguish between autistic and narcissistic traits that can be described as self-centeredness or rigidity: try saying 'no' to their request, or say 'I'm not interested in this topic/ thing'.

[@ange2122]

What's the difference?

[@mbennett488]

Not a pro, just from my own experience - I think - Autistic will be sad but will be "ok, not really interested in talking more if you don't share my interests". Vs. NPD will continue to insist their interests & POV, etc.. is super important & you "must" listen/share/agree without care of your POV... ?

[@Eddison33]

@@ange2122 Narcissists are sensitive to rejection and not getting the attention they want. They are very likely to insist, pressure you to explain why, or even guilt-trip you into doing it regardless. On the other hand, all the people with ASD/ ADHD I know (myself included) actually prefer it when people convey their lack of interest in a very straightforward way. Because when people try to hint at it or keep conversations out of politeness, people with ASD might miss it. This misunderstanding hurts relationships, so, a clear 'no' is always preferable.

[@soonny002]

To put it simply, narcissists and autistics seek control, are rigid in own their ways, or less accommodating of others, for different reasons. Only a trained eye can tell the difference, and as a psychiatrist who works regularly with neurodivergent folks, I have to admit that even I have trouble telling them apart sometimes. However, there is a dead giveaway to tell them apart. A narcissist will often manipulate people to benefit themselves, but an autistic manipulates their environment instead. For example, a narcissist will treat different people differently depending on the situation, but an autistic has very consistent responses to people, places, or situations in general. It feels more personal when a narcissist aims to control you versus an autistic who is just protecting themselves. Narcissists have much better empathic skills which they weaponize to manipulate others, therefore they are very subtle and adaptive.

[@MeadeFatLoss]

Autistic people can manipulate others.

[@enricomiceli8704]

Correct

[@maggierestivo5256]

Older woman, self-diagnosed AuDHD here. I do have to say that, growing up, even something as simple as not wanting to be hugged pegged me as "selfish" by some relatives. Now that I am older, I have far less energy to put up with things I put up with as a young person, so that may also label me as selfish, when, to me, I am merely practicing self-care. Luckily, the older I get, the less I care what others think. The people who know me, know me... and that's all I need. I am actually an Empath, but am cursed with "Resting B&*^h Face", so... I care very deeply, but, as you say, it does not show, and I don't often know the concrete ways I can help. I've learned to say, "I'm so sorry. Please let me know how I can help" and I pray that people really DO let me know, because I won't be able to think of those things that are second nature to many people. I'm rambling... but I wanted to let you know, most of all, how much I appreciate your videos. Thank you so much! (Still undiagnosed at 64.)

[@soniaperez9198]

Why not get diagnosed?

[@heiker1351]

I so relate with your story. I grew up as the scapegoat in a narcissistic family, and everything you say is so well known to me. Plus the things those people do behind closed doors. After one year of gaslighting by my boss and the last family member I still had contact with, my brother, went way too far I escaped at 59. Starting over, no job, no money and sick and exhausted - they are literally millionaires, not truly rich, but very wealthy. They systematically sabotaged my life and especially my relationships. There were no healthy and neutral people left in my life, they managed to envelop me in their web of enablers and flying monkeys almost completely. My situation is really bad, I can't find a competent therapist, I already ditched three and am running out of options. The same patterns I know all too well. Not as bad, but they can hide their true face perfectly. A therapist that diminishes me from the start and uses manipulative and dominating tactics is poison for me. And not only me. But I never for a second regretted my decision. Right now I'm trying to understand who and what I really am, apart from them and their fantasy. And I think it might be a good idea for me to look for some kind of autistic self help group or something like that. I worked with autistic people, high functioning - sorry if I don't get the terms right, I'm German - and somehow I was always fascinated and felt a strange kind of bond. Not like a traumabond, but it was there. Back then I did'nt see the similarities, but something deep inside did. We are different, but there are so many similarities. And the problems with "normal" people are something we have in common. We are different, too, in a similar way. They don't understand how we think, how we feel, how we perceive the world, and they are afraid of everything they don't understand. So they push us away, diminish us, make us small, so they don't have to fear us. I learned in my job theoretically how autistic people perceive. Only now I discovered that I probably know very well what that feels like. The worst of my triggers unleash my survival instinct and activate the reptile brain. To understand that what I perceived back when that happened seems to be the same I was told about the way autistic people perceive things was a kind of epiphany. So many things clicked into place. The first time that happened was so overwhelming and strange that I left my body after a minute or so. My senses were so sharp and I perceived everything at once. I was so aware of everything in the room, everything suddenly had weight and smell, I knew the distances with absolute certainty, I knew how to move to reach a tool I could use to defend myself if necessary. When I left my body it was still the same, but muted. If this is how you feel and perceive all the time ... I feel with you. That's constant alarm and stress. And I know the pull eye contact means. I avoid that, too, when I have difficult conversations. I don't want to see what they think. I prefer feeling it. I can look them in the eye, even then, if I have to. But I'd rather not. I have to brace myself, to erect walls to protect my feelings. And I need my feelings to know if they are a threat. In my experience the reptile brain can handle this, I was actually completely cool and controlled. The problem was just my normal brain, meddling with the sensations and getting scared of myself. There was nothing to be scared of, but the difference was too huge and it happened way too fast. And my normal already is more sensitive than the normal normal. I already live with a silent alarm all the time. But that was not only next level. That was another stadium. I would never have believed that this was possible for me. If I could switch that on and off at will it would be heaven. I think I could get used to the sensations. No, I know that. The next time it was so much easier, I recognized it and it did'nt scare me anymore. And it is the fear that amplifies the sensations so much that they overwhelmed me. The reptile brain knows no fear, that's our "rational" thinking. That is scared of feelings and sensations, of everything that's not abstract. Maybe my experiences can help you in some way to understand yourself a little bit better. I hope so. Your story certainly helped me. Thank you so much.

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

​@@soniaperez9198 Not the OP, but typically it's one of these: 1) No access to somebody qualified to diagnose autism in adults (due to distance, cost, or both); 2) the queue to get evaluated is several years long; 3) the clinic or professional won't accept one as client because "There are others who need the evaluation more," or "We don't think a dx would make enough of a difference in your life."

[@SamStone1964]

​@@heiker1351 Dr. Aimie Apigian has a KZbin channel you may appreciate. Temple Grandin may also be of interest.

[@heiker1351]

@SamStone1964 Thank you very much, I will check them out. I am still learning to understand how to handle my situation, it's not easy.

[@Wolf-Ishkode]

Diagnosed autistic kid here. This describes me a lot. What I have trouble with is explaining how I feel so I use videos gif and other ways to express what I am trying to convey. I also get called blunt or as*hole like when I am just trying to help in the only way I know how. I was raised in a very ab*sive home. Raised like a dog by my grandmother. 10:05 i have been doing this exact thing with what my friend sees as a small inconvenience that happened 2 years ago. I was leaving with her From her parents house, it was her brother's birthday. Just said "your bro wants a hug" and he looked at me and growled "don't call me that." I still to this say don't know what I did wrong because I wasn't meaning it in a bad way it was just easier to say bro than brother. And I was addressing the situation to her, not him. I still can't let it go because I genuinely have no idea what I did wrong in that moment.

[@naradaian]

Kinda new here and hooting and snorting at your clever insights …great…

[@Sipndoodledoodlers1]

This has answered so many questions for me!!! Thank you so much for this video!!

[@El_Pistolero1974]

I was diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome at 19, ASD-L1 at 40 and undifferentiated schizophrenia at 45-due to a deficiency in social interaction; I guess you can say I’m the ultimate “spaz”. Yet, the neurodivergent should have every opportunity to get the most out of life. Plus, our minds can greatly benefit society and mankind if others were more willing to understand and accept us. Thank you for this channel!

[@ricknmorty7732]

I feel seen by you and I can’t explain how much that means. It can feel so isolating at times and esp how people gaslight me. I can be so sensitive to others situations, for not being 100 % perfect socially - I tend to communicate very clearly and well, a lot more than when I was younger. People will still not honor my feelings, like when I feel burned out or stressed. Let something happen to them though, something simple and somehow I’m the calm and cognizant, reliable one able to be receptive to your issue without being a jerk (all the while probably being overwhelmed myself) 😒 I get tired of being gaslit by Neurotypical people who have a less than great memory compared to mine 😂 in addition to thinking they can bully me or get a reaction to get their way. I feel very tired at times having to mask or be appropriate for others that are seen as “more intelligent” more normal and yet they lack basic self awareness or empathy. I withstand so much and all I need is time alone, to feel safe and to feel understood. You seem to get that ! 😭

[@manusteyn2290]

The bloopers at the end is my new favorite thing ever. Watched it like 10 times already. Love it. I do the same heaps when I'm alone. I make weird noises and say things in funny ways to test how it sounds.

[@weareone-d.i.d]

💯🙏

[@SaraMellor-j5q]

All of this resonated with me. Thanks for the info Chris. 😊

[@jacquelinewillems981]

I'm 73. I've had a series of relationships with narcissists over this time that never worked out. They were abusive and confusing. I was even told it was my problem and said I had to get counseling or psychological treatment. The last relationship was with a person with multiple personality disorder and I can tell you, it was the most confusing relationship I've ever had. He was not upfront about his MPD and I didnt figure that out until I left him. He kept coming back saying I was the only one who understand him until he died. At 73, I don’t have the time or energy to engage myself in a relationship anymore.

[@ceanhuckabay1559]

We appreciate it when people are curious about us and ask us questions. This gives us the opportunity to express ourselves.

[@theOlLineRebel]

Your incredible personality and description of hidden issues makes me think I (never mind my hubby) might be in the autism spectrum somewhere. Not perfectly overlapping here, but lots of it fits.

[@everclearwonderful8796]

Thank you for making this video, it has helped me a lot.

[@daverumz]

Thank you for these videos, they are both educational, encouraging and entertaining... thats three things actually. And I love the little outtakes you include at the end, its good to know that I'm not the only one who does that

[@ChrisandDebby]

Awesome! Glad you like those - and thank you for this 😊

[@seaofflowers.]

7:09 whoever edits these: your brain is especially special. 🫶🏼 I had to replay it a couple times, too good & I love the kidnapping part

[@carolinethedragonslayer]

I always find your videos so helpful, thank you very much. I also bought the book! 😊

[@MonicaGunderson]

Interestingly, I manage C-PTSD and an autoimmune disease, and while I am not autistic, I can relate to many of these [experiences]. Thank you for sharing, so I and others can have a better understanding of those managing autism.

[@mbennett488]

Um, OMG. You took the words right out of my mouth!? CPTSD & 2nd autoimmune DX recently.... I'm recently reading this info about two, divergent types. That also sound so familiar I am kinda freaked ? Hmm?

[@josiejodoran7130]

Hi, yes I too have autoimmune & CPTSD. I’ve also been told I present as ADHD/ASD - there is a good Venn diagram that shows how all these 3 overlap with traits/symptoms & I watched a good interview with a Dr on ADHD Chatter who recommends addressing any traumatic events in our lives as trauma is one of the key issues… I just keep watching & learning😊

[@JeanetteHansen]

I love this! Well thought out, engaging, and very clear talk. Thank you~

[@bright_as_morning-nh9jl]

Not sure if this person is a narcissist in my close circle, but I am never allowed to explain myself. They've already made up their mind. This is incredibly difficult for me as I don't want this person to have the wrong idea about me. I don't think a narcissist would feel the need to defend themselves of the fact that over the past 15 years I have never been interested in manipulating anyone for anything. I tend to not even like gifts or complements given to me because I perceive it as a possible means for someone else to manipulate me what, "Well, I did or bought you _________" which I got from one of my parents. So I tend to be very independent and isolated. I often wonder if I DO have NPD because of this. I don't have a support system so I think 'my world' most of the time because that is all I have and all I trust.

[@philly8184]

Thank you Chris and Debby. Sincerely. ❤

[@josiejodoran7130]

Thank you both! Very helpful & as always ❤

[@oldkid6]

So, what is the best way to have a sustainable relationship with an autistic family member? One that can talk but chooses to never to do so, never emote. Now that we know what signs to look for how is non autistic person suppose to react, is there a wrong or right way?

[@eerietheghost8925]

Something important to note, there is a difference between *empathy* and *sympathy* Empathy is when you can emotionally connect because of a similar experience (if I come in a cast and confide “I broke my ankle”, and you can remember a time when you had a broken bone to relate to my pain). Empathy relies on *your memory* of a feeling because you experienced the same or similar. Sympathy is when you don’t have a shared experience, so you have to intellectually reason the emotions of the other person. (For example, if I had an astronaut relative that died in the vacuum of space, you wouldn’t be able to know how that feels to relate to the pain. But you can intellectually see how it might be a difficult experience to go through.) Empathy relies on *intellect* , because you have no shared experience. The best course of action is to empathize only when you can, and not try to force it if you cant. Shared experiences make it easier to navigate those emotions if you think back to your own memories. Autistic people have trouble faking emotions, but that comes with the charm of making them more genuine. Narcissists easily fake emotions to get what they want. When it’s something you cannot relate to, it’s best to listen and simply admit “I can’t imagine what it must be like. How does it make you feel?” (Or “I’m very sorry you are going through this.”) What matters more is simply the effort, since narcissistic people don’t even care about other people to begin with. Autistics do have the ability to care for others, they just show it in a different way. (I have a toxic narc relative and an amazingly sweet autistic bf. Trust me, the difference is like a breath of fresh air)

[@Ayverie4]

I've never clicked on these autism v narcissism videos because it sounds so absurd. They are practically polar opposites. But it is alarming that these diametrically opposed conditions can be mistaken for each other from an outside perspective. "I" know that I am very sensitive, have particular needs, and very low self-importance. There have been many times in life I wished I would disappear from existence, or at least become invisible. But does an outsider know that? Or know the difference?

[@Char19432]

I think one of the other reasons might be that people keep insisting on asking all these questions they never really wanted an actual answer to. So the, or so I was told, ritual words of 'Morning, how are you?' answered with a 5min explanation of how things are actually going - that's considered self-centered. BTW: so is just ignoring all the people in the hall who may or may not be attempting to use me in a ritual. I'm pretty sure I zoned out for a few days trying to fit this into the universe (and wondering why no one ever told me this before), and may have decided I don't care. People can either learn to not ask me questions they don't want answered, cut me off when I answer the non-questions, ignore me, put up with it, or go with the flow. But not answering questions makes my brain feel funny, and I don't like you enough to put up with that.

[@LiftPizzas]

The way to handle this is to always (unless you have a well-established history/protocol with this individual of doing otherwise) assume that the first sentence/question out of someone's mouth is a greeting instead of a genuine question that they want you to answer. The response is pretty much any standard greeting phrase such as the following: Fine. Good. Ok. How are you? Morning. Wassup? Greetings and Salutations. Howdy. Hi. Hello. Hey. Standard Human Greetings. Cheers. Or even a non-verbal wave or head-nod (downwards if you know them, upwards if you don't know them) or tip your hat if you're wearing one. And you can just use the same one every time. And then (if you did look at them) look away and don't make further eye contact. If they really want to know how you are, or they want to engage in an actual conversation, they will press the issue after you give a generic greeting response. You won't ever offend anyone by responding to an opening "how are you" with a non-answer. If you see these as a routine, instead of a random demand that you stop what you're doing and have an improvised conversation, it takes all the stress out of it or even makes it comforting and predictable. If you just ignore people when they attempt to greet you, it will be taken as openly hostile and you will make enemies.

[@barbp8736]

Thank you for your gentle and humorous explanation.

[@jackmartinleith]

Correction: Not disinterested, but uninterested. Disinterested means "unbiased by personal interest; not influenced by selfish motives; impartial; neutral". Many people are making this mistake, and we're in danger of losing a useful word.

[@heiker1351]

This is so crazy. It seems that I accidentally stumbled across the video that explains what I never understood about myself. I am so thankful. I am the scapegoat of a narcissistic family. With the help of many professionals that labeled me almost everything under the sun they managed to trap me in their fantasy for 59 years, no matter how much I resisted. The fantasy was implanted from the beginning and constantly renewed. I escaped half a year ago, the last attempt to destroy me shattered the rest of the shared fantasy, and for months now I am trying to find out who I really am. That hurts. My whole life was a web of lies. I never looked for answers in this direction. I was convinced that there is nothing autistic about me. I am creative, I am a master of chaos, I can deal with people, even powerful and aggressive ones, and when I worked with autistic people I was fascinated but found them as strange as everyone else. But for some reason I felt a strange bond, almost imperceptable. I wanted to understand how they functioned. How it feels. How they see the world. Something inside of me found that very important. That was my shadow. I am not even through with the video, I read some of the comments while listening. And another wheel turned in my head, very suddenly. That happened a lot during the last few months. I think I understand now what I am. Two of the four diagnoses I don't have. I am badly traumatized, I was dead at four. I came back and I was given two flashbacks to remind me of this most important experience of my life, uhm, death. When I broke down at 35 and started therapy I played with the thought I might be a multiple personality. I was diagnosed as narcissistic, but I had no idea what made her think that. She did'nt explain, all she told me was that this is not as bad as people think. I now think it is much worse, but I am no expert after 59 years. MPD explained a lot, but there are very profound differences. The personalities are not that distinct, I don't lose time except the old, forgotten traumas and most of my childhood. I have one memory, so I thought it can't be. And back then, backed up by my therapist, I was'nt aware how bad they really were. The therapist actively pushed me away from everything trauma and family related. I trusted her. Big mistake. That therapy harmed me badly, I payed with 25 years of my life, and she twisted my brain even further. I don't trust therapy and the whole system anymore, not really, thanks to her. But still I thought that I might be an atypical multiple personality. There were temporal changes so distinct that I could'nt stop thinking about it. And 25 years of hard work later I think that my first thought was right. There are at least two very different personalities, at least two that are quite distinct and fully developed. One is an atypical autist, because there is always a connection between the different personalities, they share more than just memories. Maybe I can switch if necessary? It might be an explanation. If the autist has to make eye contact for example I switch to someone who can. Switching is almost invisible for me, I had to learn to recognize it. I'm getting better at that. And I remember switches, so I know I can do that really fast. I was not aware of that. I can't control it consciously, but in a way I can. I just did'nt understand what I was doing. If the situation changes I can change myself to fit whatever life throws at me. Manipulation can keep me in a role, but open conflict almost always leads to a switch. Both children are not fit to handle conflict, and that's also true for the host - that is their image of "me" they implanted that I adapted to represent whatever "me" is - if things get serious. So I actually know that there are others beside them. There are fighters. At least two. The other kid is the wild child. I think she is a paranoid hallucinatory schizophrenic. Sorry, I'm German, thats probably the wrong term. Also atypical, because I can rationalize the strangest things and can handle the fear that leads to the loss of the grip of reality. My tv talks to me, too. It took me one day and a good night's sleep to understand that these messages are the subliminal messages the filmmakers hide between the lines. Reading between the lines is not the only skill I have. I can do this with images, too. To hide subliminal messages is my job as a graphic designer. Of course I can read them. I can juggle two and more realities at once, still being aware of THE reality. I had to. There were 5 shared fantasies I had to be aware of at all times to protect myself. My only safe spaces were books or nature, as far away from them as possible. They did'nt care what I read, they all don't read. Too busy manipulating people. Big mistake. You all gave me a precious understanding after all this time of what I am and what I am struggling with. And why it was so hard to understand. The kids are so different, but in a way I now see the similarities. They both are adaptations to a completely broken and dangerous reality. One was formed in books, the other by broken people. I lived in the jungle book whenever I had the chance. I am more Mowgli than anything else. There was no chance to be a child in my real life. My real mother is Rashka the demon who threatens even Shir Khan. And that's true for both of them, they both are demons. One protects a strange child with her power, the other eats her own. She has nothing to give, she is dead inside. She's only good at acting. Stay safe and strong, and thank you all. My broken child is very thankful that you made me see her. She was often there, but hidden and in disguise, too afraid to make herself visible. And I did not recognize her until now.

[@IanOnTheSpectrum]

Completely agree with everything you’ve said here Chris. Forever misunderstood we are.

[@renisauria]

¡Gracias!

[@ChrisandDebby]

Thanks so much!!

[@oftenirrelephant8814]

Our whole family regularly fails passive perception checks on the emotional state of others, lol. 3/4 of us are over the top empathetic- once we notice the problem and if it's a problem we can identify with - but just such low stats all around. Also, have to say, it was revelatory when I realized that saying something like "my aunt died" is a STATEMENT not a question to my hyper literal daughter. She still struggles with responding to those. (She also wouldn't respond to roll call or any other instance of her name being called, because her name is also not a question.) She's in college now, but was non-verbal and had very flat expression when she was little. She was also pretty unpredictable (even for our very neurodivergent family) and got hit with the narcissistic claims early on for doing her own thing and not noticing or caring what anyone else thought. So yeah - a lot of work helping her explain to others her face doesn't necessarily match her feelings or that she may not have a reaction an NT person would expect, but also work with her on how to recover when your cousin falls off their bike and your response is to start laughing. Such a wildly different part of the spectrum from son, who (like parents) spends so much time masking and struggle bussing. I like to say "not NT, but we can see it from here" which I think just means our perception skill is just high enough to tell Something Is Wrong but not high enough to figure out. While daughter will occasionally sail out in full Japanese lolita with exactly no 🦊 given. (And watching her meet Temple Grandin in one of those outfits wasj just 💰.)

[@jimwilliams3816]

Hmmm. Not responding to something someone says because you interpret it as a statement not a question is resonating with me. I’ve has all these points through my life where someone said something that I really ought to have responded to, but my brain didn’t register any kind of reaction, let alone a response. I’ve had people suggest that it was overwhelm, but that never felt quite right, and I know what serious overwhelm feels like. This just feels like a big blank. I never consciously thought “that’s not a question,” but the idea that I registered it as a statement which I had no reaction to feels kind of right. Not necessarily “I don’t know what to say,” though I can definitely do that, but more that I simply have nothing to say. Thank you for sharing that. I’ve been trying to figure out why I do it for a very long time, and this is the first inkling I’ve had.

[@ianperry8557]

I’m currently seeking a diagnosis for autism, I have my feedback appointment next week and I wish I saw this video earlier. As I watch it’s like a mirror being help up as I pick up on patterns you discussed and being able to see how it was the same stream I was in too. I’ll probably bring some of this stuff up with some new perspective for my next appointment. Thank you!!!

[@raymoonlight3396]

Somehow the way Chris went "good god man" in the end with the British accent instead reminded of charles boyle from Brooklyn 99 going turkey day! "Gobble gobble!" 🙈🤣 this has nothing to do with anything but my brain made connections and now I am gobbling along. And on a more serious note, Thank you so so so much for wording this like you did. And this video couldn't have come to me at a more perfect time. I had a fight with one of my closest people because of being perceived self-centered and misunderstood and the whole double empathy of it and was spiraling and contemplating if our friendship is going to survive this fight. So, thank you for this. I really needed this. Definitely looking forward to the cognitive distortion video next!

[@DWSP101]

2:41 I don’t know why, but this little clip totally disoriented my train of thought within this whole video

[@robinmc142]

Because the editing.

[@katrinakrystal9779]

Realizing that I’ve had a few relationships end because of these traits is… not the level of triggered I wanted to feel at 6am. But knowing more about this, and understanding why other people might feel the way they do is… nice I guess.

[@donnaml8776]

Or at least to understand what just happened, because people won’t tell you.

[@katrinakrystal9779]

@ for real my therapists say I was abused, I just don’t see it. But now I have more of an understanding that someone may be using these traits as an excuse is kinda… helpful?

[@consuelonavarrohidalgo5334]

We are very frequently mislead.

[@jackluzzy]

How did you post a comment before the post itself was posted? The vid was 20 mins ago and the comment is 7h???

[@consuelonavarrohidalgo5334]

​@@jackluzzy When the video is programmed we can comment about it. And this topic is one of those I'm very concerned about. Because we are mostly good victims of narcissistic people.

[@ChandlerSavage]

@@consuelonavarrohidalgo5334 100% my experience as well. I've learned the hard way that I have to have strict boundaries with most people due to being a victim of narcissistic manipulation too many times to count.

[@Play-All-The-Games]

I just wish that there was a better way for autistic people to let others know when they have something to communicate but that they are having difficulty getting it out. The content of this video is at the crux of what destroyed my 14 year marriage with my best friend. We both had therapists pointing the finger at the other person and claiming "Narcissist!" Over the past two years I've learned more than I ever expected about NPD in some vain attempt to beat it. But eventually (after I acknowledged my own diagnosis) I realized that we were both just never / late diagnosed Autistics. I spent so long trying to find a way to battle something in my best friend to save her that I never realized how much such accusations must have been hurting and alienating her. I regret so much communication that never did or could reach the surface between us. Because she was... my person, and I would have done anything to fix things. :(

[@AllanTidgwell]

Sometimes it's okay to think you're better than other people. I dated someone who was controlling an abusive. Do I think I'm better than them? Yes. Because I'm not controlling or abusive. Superiority and inferiority really is a matter of what is being measured. In a basketball competition, Shaq is better than me. And that's as it should be

[@sillysoul3663]

Thank you, this was a good video. I'm autistic and also have ADHD, and I can quite confidently pinpoint undiagnosed ADHD in our familytree. My father is a mystery though, and trying to understand his behaviour over the years I've also considered the possibility that maybe he is not a narcissist, but actually autistic too and needs help and understanding. It's becoming clearer to me that it doesn't matter either way, he has NPD and it feels suffocating to be around him.

[@woodym2]

Thanks, I particularly enjoyed today's episode.

[@PurpleRose8725]

10:20 I'm 42, and incidents in kindergarten still eat at me.

[@FlamingCockatiel]

I appreciate that you take on the whole body language/facial expression thing. It's frustrating how many people view it as a be all and end all when it often is actually unclear. Babies are of necessity limited to body language, and it is frustrating to try to find out what they need.

[@jimwilliams3816]

People tend to assume that all behavior is self directed and conscious, which is really not the case for anyone. But when I am behaving in ways that, I acknowledge, seem egocentric, and in some ways are - monologuing is my biggest issue - I’m anything but self directed. I really try to thwart that these days, but I never do great and sometimes cannot control myself. At those times, I’m engaging in addictive behavior, and my addiction is the little hit of dopamine I get from anticipating the next thing out of my mouth. I don’t say that it’s desirable behavior, or that it’s not difficult for other people to deal with. But it’s not because I’m full of myself: I hate the idea of being self aggrandizing, I’m very self critical, and I really can’t stand the idea of someone thinking they are better than other people, especially me. My desire not to do that has tended to drive down my self esteem. Of course, when I say that, it sounds self aggrandizing and self justifying to some people. But what I’m trying to do is what you described: explain how things actually work with me, the good and the bad. Or as I put it to someone who once accused me online of being a narcissist: “I am not the kind of sh*t you think I am. I am a different kind of sh*

[@wickedwonderlandempire]

A lot of newer studies in neurobiology indicate that you can't be both. Genetics, and other factors cause these two very different types of neurodivergence (yes narcissism is a type of neurodivergence). Anyways, loved this video, I'm gonna share it with people who will find it useful. Thank you.

[@Snuffles679]

Narcissism isn't neurodivergence. It's a personality disorder resulting from childhood trauma or genetics.

[@wickedwonderlandempire]

​@@Snuffles679 Hi there! It is all of the things we both said. There are many types of neurodivergence in luding NPD. NPD has several differences from the average brain, most notably because of an underdeveloped frontal lobe caused by exactly what you said. It's interesting stuff!

[@Snuffles679]

@@wickedwonderlandempire Ohh I see, that's interesting. I'll look more into it, thanks!

[@wickedwonderlandempire]

​@@Snuffles679heck ya!

[@michelletulumello661]

It's almost impossible for people who refuse to admit their mistakes to be in relationships.

[@ef2247]

I tell my therapist I feel like I’m thinking even when I’m asleep, because it starts the moment I wake up. Allistic people think I’m being plagued by ruminations or anxiety, they don’t understand it’s my brains natural way of processing. It’s stressful to be thinking all the time, but the majority of my thoughts are not stressful. I feel like my brain is extremely powerful and unique, it’s disappointing how little opportunities there are for us to funnel those traits into problem solving, and inventing new and better ways of doing things in society

[@Ayverie4]

My brain would be very powerful if it didn't just burn itself out and become useless for years on end. 😑 I always say it feels like I've been getting dumber ever since I graduated college....

[@maggie2811]

Same for me. When I wake up, I'm usually a bit exhausted from thinking weird stuff coming from my unconscious during the night. The moment I wake up, my conscious brain starts and I cannot switch it off. I think it would be helpful to have a stand by mode for my brain, but not even sleep counts as that for me. I am lucky to be in a field where I can invent or do research. It's weird to other people that I always choose the most difficult thing to do or study, but for me that's essential to keep me motivated. I am here to learn and I belong exactly where I am. The executive dysfunction though.... doesn't make it easier. And my brain is very good with logic, that makes it difficult to deal with thoughts about myself because my brain presents everything in a very logical way.

[@FlamingCockatiel]

You put it so well! That last sentence resonated with me, as I got sick of being in jobs way below my technical ability; I think society is least forgiving of social deficiencies, and that makes job interviews a minefield, as everything is bent through the "Do I want to be this person's friend?" lens. I also echo maggie's thought about needing difficulty to maintain engagement in work.

[@sjnt]

I'm watching this and trying to understand are people around me narcissistic or just neurodivergent as I am, and if it's the second option, why can't I get along with them...

[@E.Hunter.Esquire]

This was a good video, well presented, and I appreciate the really awkward humor. Good god man.

[@echobucket]

Do you find it's easier to look into the camera when making videos than it is when you are looking at someone's face? Just curious.

[@SimoneEppler]

I am obviously not him, but this is the case for me. Especially when using a teleprompter. 😅😂

[@BhavyaAndrea]

Beautifully expressed 💙 Thank you.

[@cindylouwho2642]

I was diagnosed with ADD in my 40’s. I am now 61 and wanting to learn everything I can about it and all things neurodivergent. Sensory overload attacks have always been present in my life and I never knew what was happening until about a year ago. Thank you for this content!!

[@xsilentg]

🌻 All of this.

[@consuelonavarrohidalgo5334]

Yeah! All of them.

[@brian-jv1nw]

The D in NPD stands for disorder, as in something that causes suffering for one who has it. If your understanding of NPD does not consider how they might be suffering, you should reconsider what you know about it.

[@ezgieftekin4495]

This clarified a lot of things in my mind. Thank youuu

[@Lari-lc3zq]

Your bloopers at the end always send me over the edge 😆😆😆

[@blackinkster]

Ahh social challenges deserved to be this long in this video 🙏 AuDHD bad case just learning introspection after so long, complexities inside me I thought I never felt but do.

[@annielaidherhairdownd7608]

Oh lawd this video is me. How validating. Dr. Ramani would appreciate this. ❤🙏❤️

[@t3hsis324]

so there was a 6.4% chance for my odds for a narcissist autistic mother... amazing

[@Cheryl_Frazier]

One of your best videos yet. Thanks Chris!

[@Thedrummaman76]

2:30 There is an off switch in meditation, but it takes practice and a bit of bravery!

[@PJ-om2wq]

Being self centred is not what narcissism means. Narcissism is about using other people. An autistic person is more likely to just went to be left alone rather than using people

[@CasperrR67]

Their using of other people is based on being self centered. Because the world revolves around them in their mind, everyone is at their disposal. That is "right" to them. They dont think there is anything wrong with their behavior because they only serve themselves due to being egocentric. It's why they lack empathy and shift blame onto others. They only see themselves and cant be bad in their minds, it's a defense mechanism, so any one who questions them or accuses them of being the bad one is bad instead, since they cant see past themselves.

[@PJ-om2wq]

@CasperrR67 yes but *everyone* is self centred and selfish to some extent, but we aren't all narcissists.

[@sleverlight]

Honesty is such a gem I hate it when ppl lie to me to be "nice" Id rather have a real friend than a fake one

[@gianpaulgraziosi6171]

Workarounds: Harkness method, meditation practice, covert narcissism training, structured oversocialization…toastmasters.

[@MelissaPerrow-vz2jp]

Haha the restaurant skit is so true. This morning I wanted an omelette, but the cafe I always go to doesn’t make one. But the thought of finding another cafe and then not knowing what their menu is or whether their food is good, or whether they can make my coffee the way I like it. Too much. Just went to my go to cafe.