Autistic Regression In Adults - Can Autism Get Worse Over Time?

[@nicole-s3z3s]

Yessss. My autism got way worse when I got older and experienced trauma. It’s like the trauma sparked a cosmic reaction within me.

[@SCHMW]

Thought I was the only one. I don't know of it's me or life gets harder. It shakes my self confidence.

[@funniful]

I’m 60. When I was 50, I got cancer, and had intense chemotherapy. Ever since then, my autistic issues got Very pronounced. I just found out I’m autistic this year. I’m convinced that chemo made my autism worse. Btw, chemo also gave me neuropathy in my limbs, hands, and feet, as well. Halfway thru my treatment, I had a breakdown and said I was quitting chemo because it was “getting into my brain”… They said it wasn’t, but I kept insisting it was…that I could tell it was affecting my brain! They said I must be depressed because I had cancer. UM, NO, idiot…listen to me! I did switch chemo drugs, at that point. 10 years later, I still have permanent nerve damage, hypersensitivities…and about five pages more of symptoms. I TOLD YOU IT WAS AFFECTING MY BRAIN! Curiously, I read a report last year that said side effects of chemo can sometimes mimic autism. Well, I think it doesn’t Mimic autism…it brings it out because you already have it, and makes it more pronounced!

[@MySaskatchewanGarden]

@@funniful that's really unfortunate! But very interesting too.

[@TomoyoTatar]

This is how it happened for me.

[@uniqueusername22337]

trauma definitely triggered my autism. I was always sensitive but I was pretty outgoing and normal even without masking. My trauma has effected the way i value and enjoy relationships and I'm trying to change it because relationships are the only thing that makes life worth living

[@TheeOldest]

“Living my life on power saving mode” Great analogy! I relate to this very much.

[@Cal760]

Me too 100% but please don’t get me wrong I share this vulnerably but sometimes I am afraid I won’t ever be able to do “great” things as I once were able to.

[@Avendesora]

The battery metaphor is so useful for explaining burnout to other people. I like to add that my battery takes exponentially longer to charge the lower it gets. Going from 80% to 100% takes far less time than going from 30% to 50% and so on and so on, so the more drained I am, the longer it takes to get back up to a normal functional level.

[@jhfdhgvnbjm75]

I actually think that's probably true for everybody in general, but either our batteries have a smaller capacity or we endure much greater draw on them during a normal day, exhausting them quicker.

[@Avendesora]

@ Allistic people don't experience the kind of burnout autistic people do. They don't get to a point where it takes months on end to recover back to 100%, and that's the thing that I think a lot of them have trouble understanding

[@EPican84]

And batteries degrade over time. So it takes longer to recharge when they get older. This is also true when you get older.

[@janicetasker1854]

Thank you so much for all the effort you put into these videos. It has really helped me understand my husband and this video helps even more since his bad stroke. Thank you thank you thank you. ❤

[@Avendesora]

@@janicetasker1854 You accidentally replied to my comment instead of making one on the video itself. If you want him to see it, you're going to need to re-post it as its own comment instead of a reply. I'm so happy his videos have helped you like this, though, so I'm glad I got to see the comment too :)

[@stellamcqueen4809]

For people going through menopause, diagnosed or undiagnosed, aware or unaware of their neurodiversity, the drop in estrogen can make autistic symptoms and resilience to meltdowns and burnout objectively worse.

[@npiresrc]

I've definitely been experiencing this "increase in sensitivity": more intolerable to loud noise, finding the company of people to be more irritable, having a difficult time being in crowds, would rather be alone, more intolerant of mistakes and errors, etc. I'm finding my thought life to be more peaceful than living out here. The patience just isn't there as much as before.

[@itisdevonly]

Fortuitous timing. I just got my autism and ADHD diagnoses. I had already figured out I was AuDHD a couple years ago (thanks in large part to your videos), but I was somewhat surprised to learn I'm level 2 and not level 1. But now that I'm reflecting on it, it actually makes sense. Because I actually haven't been able to achieve the level of functioning I've been telling myself (and other people have told me) is my potential. I hit a massive burnout a few years ago and I just have not been recovering properly. It's taken me several years of sick leave and I'm still not remotely functional. Though in part that's because I haven't been able to eliminate a lot of my responsibilities, nor do I have the support I would need to recover fully. It's like my I'd been borrowing from my future and overclocking my CPU, and my body just decided I can't do that anymore. I reached the lending limit and now there is nothing left to borrow. I simply can't live in survival mode all the time anymore. If something is too much, then it's too much. I can't "give it 110%" to try and push through anyway. My cognitive capacity has declined significantly and my memory has gone to shit. This is despite the fact my mental health has actually been significantly improving over the last several years. It wasn't until after my diagnosis that I realized that I'm never going to "recover" to the level I was at before, because, 1) it wasn't sustainable; pushing myself like that was what led to burnout, and 2) I wasn't actually as capable as I was pretending to be. I was hiding how much I was struggling. Like, I would just miss huge chunks of the things people said because of my auditory processing difficulties and delayed processing... and I would just pretend I didn't miss anything and try to respond appropriately anyway. I did a lot of "smile and nod" type interactions. I just faked so much more competence and capacity than I actually had. It's so weird to live so much of my life believing I'm "defective," feeling really ashamed of it, and doing everything I can to overcome it, and to hide any struggles I couldn't overcome. Only to turn around and go, "actually, maybe it's okay to be disabled. Maybe I can stop trying so hard to hide it and to compensate, and start asking for accommodations instead." It's really hard to wrap my mind around the idea that I ought not be in constant discomfort and stress from pushing myself to my absolute limits all the time. Like, maybe it's okay to just live comfortably. And if that means I need a good deal of support, well that is simply my reality.

[@linkayton]

This is almost copy and paste of my experience. Thank you for sharing.

[@allieeverett9017]

Unbelievable. Except it's so close to my story I believe it. You. I believe you. Thank you for sharing your life.

[@polymathi.a]

This has touched me deeply into my heart. In my case it's most probably autism+giftedness, but it's been a struggle all my life. Lately I have almost caused fire hazards trying to cook (I was always good at it) and forgetting where I put the simplest stuff and having my head hurt while I try to remember. It's being glued to the phone switching tons of message recipients trying to find something meaningful and getting EXHAUSTED to the point I'll doze of with my phone in my hands. I am become a mess.

[@vicb3717]

You've literally just described my journey and DX. I have nothing, absolutely nothing, left for the world. I have zero desire to have anything to do with the world anymore. It's too painful - emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally - and I don't mind. Turns out, a life without another soul near me is preferable, comfortable, quiet, authentic and SO MUCH FUN! People took all the fun away from being alive.

[@dcarp71]

It did "get worse" for me - I was able to keep everything together and even had myself deceived until I hit a wall at 53. I no longer had the capacity to manage everything and now I am forced to deal with things in a more healthy way now. It's like being a teenager all over again - who am I? what do I like? what should I do? - From the outside and inside things are getting worse, but I hold out hope that as I learn this "new normal" that things will get better for me. It must be really confusing for those around me - including my lovely wife - as I seem to be a different person. However, I am becoming more authentic, and thankfully she has been VERY understanding as I work through this.

[@michaelfreydberg4619]

I think you’re right. Takes a bit to adjust, then some things come back. But other things might not, (if it’s no longer needed)

[@TonjaTreeceMomPlays]

OMG I'm going to be 53 next year and have just been referred for testing and it all started because I haven't been able to hold my mask on anymore and thought I was just sliding into dementia with how bad it's been! And recent deaths in the family have mad things so much worse.

[@FerociousSniper]

I think this is happening to me right now.

[@T1000-s6l]

Hold on brother, masking is a survival tactic and like getting an adrenaline boost that temporarily helps, there is also a crash when it wears off. After you get your diagnosis, I highly recommend getting some dialect behaviour therapy if can. Also, get the book " the chimp paradox" by Dr Stephen Peters, you can find two great videos on here (diary of a CEO, pod cast) about his books. Not specifically aimed at autistic folks but I found it helpful, you may too. Good luck brother, You'll never walk alone!

[@T1000-s6l]

Oh the second book " a path out of the jungle" is also well worth a read or listen, you can get both on Audible.

[@GinnyZamora-c6k]

I literally teared up when you compared the burnout with the marathon racer at the end of their race... Thank you for the validation! I love having found a community with you all!

[@Dr_Lisa_Sosin]

Yes! It was so validating!

[@marisa5359]

I think as I gain awareness, I am finally finding actual answers to the periodic burnouts I have experienced in my 46 years on this earth.Therefore, I would not say more autistic so much as I am seeking more avenues of assistance and releasing myself from the burdens that years of high masking have wrought. More "visible" is the word I would use, perhaps.

[@95JakX]

My experience was like a severely delayed, impossibly long-awaited "A-ha!!" moment. The more I looked into it... The more testimonials I found... from: Channels/videos like this Their comments sections The adjoining communities that I found - all 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆, 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 and 𝑾𝑰𝑺𝑬 to the same struggle I found myself 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 in the waters of... Every time I said "f***" under my breath every time this isolating, terrifying and (even worse), 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 and (seemingly) 𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 situation of mine that only seemed to get deconstructed and demystified by peers I never knew I had, or to what capacity... 𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 up until that point. I thought myself doomed to succumb to my exponentially increasing inability to pick myself back up from these "depressive episodes". Episodes that only got worse and worse with each recurrence until I couldn't even will myself to get up from the couch for nearly 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕. Thanks for your comment, and everyone who comments:- you might be helping someone else see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[@JoseMeeusen]

Yes!!! I'm 76 and it feels as if I don't have the energy anymore to cope or deal with all the symptoms.

[@ProCabs-Azzi]

I'm 43 and don't have any energy at all. I dredge reaching your age of 76.🫣😭😭

[@summerlake356]

​@@ProCabs-AzziBeen there, now I am 50+ and much healthier than 10 years ago. Eat anti inflammatory food, get tested for nutritional deficiencies. Lose weight if you need to.

[@faeriesmak]

My mother is 76 and pretty much won’t leave the house anymore due to executive functioning, anxiety, and sensory issues.

[@JoseMeeusen]

@@faeriesmak Yes, I too feel best at home. The body begins to let you down when you get older and that makes you even more uncomfortable in an overwhelming outside world.

[@ingemuller2120]

Absolutely. I’m 69 and have been masking all my life. Just don’t have the energy to do it anymore.

[@somethingcalvin]

I realised in July 2023 at 45 that I could no longer sustain the pressures and stress. I never felt so flat and scared. I was afraid then that I might be having a new bout of depression. I got my ASD diagnosis in August 2024. It all made sense with the burnouts. I wasn’t depressed. I had been going through autistic burnouts for decades! I could see everything starting to align and make sense. I have been relearning and reshaping my life. It’ll take at least 12 months for the first run and to heal from CPTSD, but I have never been better. As they say, you can’t unsee what you’ve seen. I am so grateful to be where I am at. I hope that everyone will find their sweet spot in evolving a healthy life.

[@AlphaStudios-lh1rz]

you look fairly young for your age

[@indysanders4079]

Figuring out I am autistic sent me into a regression. It really threw a lens on my traumas and made them real rather than just a shapeless feeling of deep distress. It validated my often dismissed feelings of fear and isolation. I am far less self sufficient and less capable than I was when I was younger.

[@ironmaven1760]

@indysanders4079 me too. I'm afraid it's getting worse. Sometimes I wonder if I should have ever found out ( in my FIFTIES!).. bc Sometimes I obsess over it too much, go figure. I have to keep telling myself that ADHD and Autism don't define me. It helps to think about the positive things bc the world always focuses on our " negatives" I'm afraid...and that , for me, makes it worse.

[@flexico64]

Mine has. It's getting worse faster than society is improving how it deals with me

[@Disappointment-ncss]

Same. 😢

[@TomoyoTatar]

Same

[@MarkieMark229]

Yes

[@bonwrentaylor2743]

Same

[@TheMSS1977]

I was diagnosed at 44. I have failed continuously since then. 47 now. The fight I used to have disappeared when I was diagnosed. I miss that guy. He was alright.

[@not.bjcary]

YES! This is 100% true for me. It's been 2 years since I learned I was autistic. And, while the revelation was quite relieving, life has only gotten harder. I notice my triggers more, and they seem to be even stronger. My fatigue is much higher, and I have had a lot of trouble getting back into being active both physically and creatively. Where I used to be very driven, I find it hard to even WANT to pursue creative interests. However, I've also seen how my recovery has progressed to the extent that I've given myself grace and space to just BE who I am, where I am. The more I allow myself be OK with not having the same drive and motivation, the more peace I've found. And that seems to be helping me to get back to engaging with things I actually enjoy again...little by little :-)

[@Lenneeful]

You chose a great topic, as always. One factor one might consider is that in today's society, there are more perfumes, more noise and annoying DEL lights. For highly sensitive people, it is harder and harder to live in society. I can't safely drive at night anymore because of the new car headlights. I have to wear two masks to go to my pharmacy because, believe it or not, they have machines on the walls that spray perfume. I sincerely think that I'm the "normal" one and society has gone crazy. I mask less and less. I rock my body in public and I'm brutally honest. I'm tired of faking my life.

[@jimwilliams3816]

Man, do I hate those new headlights. I’ve avoided going out at night since COVID, but lately I’ve had to some, and they are terrible. I share your fragrance sensitivity, it’s my biggest sensory issue. The idea of a pharmacy spraying perfume is just appalling. I traveled for my job some last decade, and had to stay in hotels, and thankfully it was during a time when they were trying to be aware of people with fragrance issues. But it started to reverse the last few years of the decade. My irritable supposition it that the fragrance industry got concerned about lagging sales, and sent more sales reps out. Now it can be hard to buy garbage bags that aren’t scented. I mean, WTF??

[@dorcusmallorcus6450]

I find age is a factor. What was just tension becomes stress, and takes a lot of energy. And I've been living an autistic life, one of seclusion. That preserves energy and well-being up to a point, but then lack of social practice makes social activities even more challenging. I found it interesting that, during Covid lockdowns, there were news stories of people saying they felt they were forgetting how to converse in a normal way and so forth. I know how they feel.

[@numinous2506]

I had complex chronic diseases that pit me in the ICU and yes my autism got worse to the point of maladaptive behaviors and grunting with vocal nonverbal emotional dysregulation.

[@dane2145]

I've only just discovered your channel and watched two of your videos and they have been life changing. My husband of ten years had a major mental and emotional breakdown last week and decided to go see a psychiatrist. I went with him, thinking the Dr. would tell us he was experiencing anxiety (which was the case) but I was not prepared to hear that my husband was Asperger's. We were just planning on having kids and it came as a major shock to me. I cried many nights thinking about it, and what frightened me the most was that he seemed to become "more autistic" or have a "regression" and I couldn't tell if it was the meds he's on or if this was his new norm. I can't believe a video exactly about our situation came out two days ago. Knowing now that my husband is on the spectrum made so many things click in my mind, in the past I suffered greatly thinking he didn't care about me because he doesn't help with certain things or answer to some of my emotional needs. Now that I know, it's become a blessing, he loves me in his own way and I love him just the way he is.

[@jimwilliams3816]

The marathon runner analogy is the thing I related to most. When I get involved in something new, I tend to become compulsive about the things that need to happen, and a job I took in my early fifties caused me to burn the candle at both ends. I believe I’ve reached the point where I’ll never fully recover, and the fact that I’m still not able to rest when I need to all the time doesn’t help. I do think my “symptoms” - not really the same thing as traits - have gotten worse, and this is mostly due to a wrecked nervous system. Someone on another channel quoted an autistic writer who suggested that many of the behaviors that people associate with autism are those exhibited by a certain type of mind when it’s in distress I feel like that, plus loss of function due to persistent high stress, explains a lot about my state. It’s not “more autistic,” but it is more impaired. It involves burnout, but the most dramatic thing has been increased dysregulation.

[@TomoyoTatar]

Yes. It can. I suffered multiple violent traumas and deaths and my autism got worse. Its unbearable; I went from just being diagnosed and high masking to having meltdowns in my bathroom every day.

[@midknight1968]

😢huge hug to Your heart and mind

[@T1000-s6l]

Hug, 🤗. I hope things get easier for you.

[@wandoorose]

I’m sorry for your suffering.

[@TomoyoTatar]

@@wandoorose It is alright, as I have a therapist and I pretty much just try my best every day just like everyone else. There are people who have it so much worse.

[@wandoorose]

@@TomoyoTatar 🌻🐞🧚🏻

[@T1000-s6l]

This hit home. Burn out really hit me bad, years of hiding behind a mask and denying my real self to "just be normal". I had an unsupportive partner and ended up wanting to end my life. Instead I ended the relationship, and crashed. Now I'm being true to myself. No longer masking, just being authentic. If people don't like it, I don't want to control their reaction, if they cannot accept the real me then they can choose not to be around, I wish them well. I changed my name, changed my career and rejected my previous negative, false interpersonal relationship and put effort into those who accept my authentic self. Thanks for this its 100 percent what I have been through in the past 8 years, I feel like this part of my life is the second book in a trilogy. Exciting to see whatever is next.

[@Allthepills]

"say... That's a nice bike"

[@TheeOldest]

@@T1000-s6l your story is very similar to mine and really good to hear right now.

[@sandhyaarunachalam]

Somehow this video explains what my son who is autistic and turned a teenager few months ago is going through. Thanks for that.

[@xiphocostal]

Thanks for the validation. Age, burnout, stress, unmasking, illness, and for us women, often hormonal changes. We can't, or won't, cope with the stuff we used to. there is also often the realisation later in life that we have been accommodating everyone else; but nobody has been accommodating us., and we're jack of it.

[@michellelambton3636]

Thanks Paul! One of your earlier episodes had a panel discussion with older folks discussing autism in seniors. It seems now that when I have a hard day, I think “Yeah. Autism gets worse.” But no. I just take longer to recover. I spend a lot of time learning about myself and it really pays off.

[@PatchworkDragon]

I love the marathon metaphor. It makes a lot of sense why some things get REALLY hard when I'm in burnout - even things that have nothing to do with my job. And my battery isn't recharging (or as I say in nerd language, my spell slots aren't regenerating), even after a whole day of doing nothing. Even if I can't explain it to others, at least knowing what is happening makes a world of difference. Thank you.

[@silentlyjudgingyou]

I am no longer willing to force myself to beat against my limits endlessly. It's useless, harmful, and now that I know the limits won't change I am done. For me what needs to happen next needs to be recovery before I can feel out where the limits are, but the world thinks I don't get to have that so this is going to take a while

[@kensears5099]

Absolutely me, yes. Thankfully I realized over the past year what was happening, that this was an outcome of letting me be me more, making the better choices and accommodations I needed to (finally) for my well-being (like environments to avoid), and without feeling a lesser person for it, and, yes, also a degree of experimentation. I've been..."aware," trying to not to look "TOO weird," plus I've had the astounding advantage of my entire autism discovery taking place in "a different country," far from everybody who's known me all my life, surrounded by a new set of acquaintances and, yes, friends, who never had an "old me" to make comparisons with. So there's been a wonderful freedom from self-consciousness for me.

[@Htrac]

I love this analogy. It perfectly explains why I struggle with things I used to be able to handle as my burnout gets worse.

[@riinaaapa7948]

2:47 thank you so much for making this video! The metaphor about marathon runners is particularly helpful in understanding the regression following burnout and the need for recovery.

[@AUTrageousNomad]

Magically well-timed. Thank you very much🙏🏼

[@linden5165]

The marathon runner analogy is excellent! There is also some similarities to a runner perhaps finding out they have an injury that running will definitely worsen so they choose to not run anymore and now walk instead. I am very similar with unmasking. I also think during self-discovery that process in itself is taking up so much bandwidth that it's no wonder we have less capacity for masking. The self-discovery, unmasking and experimenting phase we go through is so empowering. I try and encourage newly discovered neurodivergent people to see how fun and liberating that can be. (in amongst the processing and feeling vulnerable etc etc)

[@linkayton]

As a runner-turned-walker I appreciate your addition to the analogy 🙌🏼

[@80s_Film_Fan]

This is the most reaffirming and useful video I've seen since my late diagnosis in my mid 40s. It's helped to confirm things and answer the main questions I've had that have led me to doubt my diagnosis. I've often wondered if I have subconsciously started acting more autistic because of my late discovery. This regression has even led me to wonder if I've made it all up and am just "acting more autistic" because I wanted so desperately to have the answers to why I've always struggled to fit in. Thank you for this video

[@Jen999]

Appreciated this video.. since subscribing to your channel we have learned about autism.. so much we did not understand.. such as masking.. no one should have to mask to fit in.. everyone deserves to be accepted as they are.. We will continue to follow your amazing channel and learn as much as we can.. We are not autistic.. we are introverts.. empaths.. and INFJ personality.. We have been labeled over reactive.. hypersensitive.. shy.. quiet.. and these are the kind adjectives.. Paul.. we want you to know that you do an excellent job with your channel.. you explain things so well and you give clear examples.. you are an amazing teacher.. We do not know much about autism.. and we want to learn.. no one should have to wear themselves out mentally and physically trying to blend in.. no one should live behind a mask.. Thank you for this video and all the others you have done.. you and the work you do are much appreciated.. William and Jen

[@deeperatmosphere]

💪🏻🖤

[@Jen999]

@ 💜💙🌹

[@deeperatmosphere]

I am 33 now, found out that i am autistic 3-4 years ago, but i really started to realize that i am autistic since my left lung wing collapsed.. Since then i am not able to mask anymore.. many things i enjoyed my whole life are just stress to me now, because the mask is gone, and i don't want to use alcohol and stuff anymore to cope with my inability to interact with people.. It is really hard and i feel like i lost myself, my depression (since 16 affected) got way worse and i don't have power to do anything, even hanging with friends is often just a fight.. i am short before i get into a psychiatric facility cause i don't have any enjoyment in life anymore.. i hope that i can learn to live with myself again and to manage my energy levels, because now i just feel lifeless.. I wanted to say thank you Paul, you helped me to understand myself a lot better.. your Videos helped me to understand that there is a way for us too to get along in this world.. without much knowledge i gained here, i propably wouldn't even consider getting therapy or help.. i know i have deficits and special needs, but there is a way to live with that too, i just have to figure out the right way for me.. I think many of us are now in better understanding of themselves and i think that is one of the biggest problems many of us face.. not to know why we don't work anymore like we once did, or why we can't enjoy stuff like other people (anymore).. Thank you for your work.! 💪🏻🖤

[@m9180]

For me, the discovery that I am likely autistic came with an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion, but also the personal allowance to accommodate the exhaustion with some much needed time off. I didn't have to keep beating myself up for my inability to just muscle through like those around me appeared to be able to do.

[@oBluePandaO]

Im 30 and have also adhd. I feel that the more i get older, my "hyperactive enthusiasm" is going away, leaving space for overthinking and paralysis and phisical, sensory and psychological overstimulation. So yea, for me its getting worse in some way..

[@catherinejames2734]

This is exactly how it is for me. It’s helpful to hear it discussed, thank you.

[@amandachapman4708]

Excellent video. It explains so clearly what I have thought for some time. 1. I burnt out. 2. I got covid. 3. I burnt out again, worse. 4. I didn't recover from covid (I still have long covid). My mask, that I've had glued to me for over 60 years, shattered. I am working on clearing away the bits of it and finding out who I actually am / want to be. I'm still burnt out and I still have long covid, so it's a slow process. The battery analogy resonates strongly.

[@GoodBeets4ME]

Thank you. I really appreciate the understanding that autism cant get "worse" or "better", we just get tired of the mask.

[@themme_fatale]

Paul I find it so rare to feel truly seen, understood & validated with my experiences, but every video of yours I find I can relate to completely. Goes to show the value of lived experience & community, right? Just this morning I saw a new dentist who seemed to not be able to understand why I struggled so much with dental care & routine, even when I said I had multiple disabilities I’m not yet supported for. That judgement I felt left me feeling so miserable I wanted to break down. This has been a great antidote ❤

[@animal_person_]

I’m sorry that happened to you. I am needing to go to the dentist after too long and I know I will feel judged there as well. I have read that others tell them before hand of their situation with being ND and apparently they have had a positive experience from taking that route. Maybe try a new dentist and be upfront before the appointment and it will be better for you that way as well?

[@RebbyCraft]

The comparison with runners is very accurate

[@madeehamustafa406]

Yes, very true...I think my burnout and regression shows on how I lost my hair at a very young age. I feel it's from trying to fit in and heavy masking, together with childhood fefear and anxiety

[@suzyh74]

Thanks Paul, I totally resonated with that. I’m late diagnosed following a crisis but, a factor for me now is ageing, I’m in my mid 70s and experiencing more by way of age related physical health problems, all of which is very draining, so autistic features “feel” worse.

[@meowritz]

Im 24 and over the last few years i feel like my autism has quadrupled, i can barely be around people anymore and ive been feeling excessively depressed in the recent months

[@T1000-s6l]

That's pretty normal to feel that way in my personal experience, worth looking into some therapy, if that's something you can face, if not, try reading or listening to " the chimp paradox" by Dr Stephen Peters. It helped me. I also highly recommend painting miniatures, Warhammer ones or any that take your fancy, it's a great calming past time and helps me quiet my chip (as I describe the negative parts of my autistic traits). You'll never walk alone. .

[@Miners666]

35 and feel similar. I’d say over the last 3 years, probably longer but definitely worse over the last 3, I’ve kind of been cutting everything and most people out my life. I can’t seem to face doing anything anymore, my to-do list just gets longer. I have anhedonia where I no longer feel satisfaction or desire for the things I did. I have no time to myself and always seem, or it feels like, I’m doing just what everyone else wants me to do. A few years ago I had to go away for 3 days for a work thing, I was awkward and anxious but it was fine overall, but I had to go again a couple of weeks ago for 3 days. This time felt more in a panic mode with no recharge time, by the time I got back home for the next 3 days I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore, like I wasn’t me or what my thoughts were. By the 4th day I felt okay again, but then the 5th went into a depression episode that’s lasted 4-5 days.

[@LateDiagnosed]

Absolutely experiencing this at the moment. So hard advocating for myself at work.

[@michaelfreydberg4619]

7:00 in. Yes! I often wear ear muffs over my ear plugs at times.

[@yuppers1]

I thought I "discovered" that 😂 😂😂

[@Mybrainandmyservicedog]

I do that alllll the time 😂😂😂😂 noice cancellation is NOT Cansellation… it is only reducing 😢

[@ironmaven1760]

oh me too! 😂 Recently I stopped at a friend's house still wearing my big earphones after grocery shopping ( which I despise btw) and one of them said " hey you really look like an Autist today" 😅 ( everyone is neurodivergent there lol) 💜

[@vernamu.]

It resonates a lot. And I still get angry at myself, when I can't be "old" me 😔 I'm still in the process of accepting the thought that there's no way back, only the way forward, which requires building a new life for "new" me. I think my loved ones are very confused too, but they are too polite to comment on that😆

[@birgittnlilli9726]

I got my diagnosis this year with 42 and I really felt like you said, like getting more autistic and like being no more able to do things I always did. But knowing what is "wrong" helped me lot, now I know WHY I am like I am and why I have some of my problems and I just dont want to hide of all it. I am autistic so I dont look you in the eye all the time, so l leave when it's too noisy, so I am not good with stress, so I need a break after socializing.

[@MarkieMark229]

Thank you Paul, your channel has been so helpful to me. This video resonates with me, and my journey over the last two years since my diagnosis at age 62. Taking off the mask and working out who I actually am has been quite difficult. Cheers Paul 🙏

[@alisonwhite9588]

Thank you for explaining how what I'm feeling is not unusual! Ever since my self discovery, I've found loud noises (eg: fire sirens) completely unbearable! I couldn't figure out why I was able to tolerate them before I knew I have ASD but now find them utterly grating and nerve-shattering. This explains that I'm not suddenly "worse", just that I'm listening better to my body's messages.

[@christinapankey7360]

YES. I have been dealing with burnout since just after Christmas. I think right at the end of May I found the AuDHD combination and that rang so many bells. I've been working on coming back from burnout since then, but I'm also going through the WHO EVEN AM I stage, so every time I think I'm about there, I regress a little more and ohh my goodness it's exhausting. I'm pretty sure everyone who's been watching from a distance thinks I'm falling apart.

[@cbrooks0905]

I find myself protecting my precious energy these days. I have three kids, one on the way, and I have to talk to people for my job(not much thank god), and my special interest is music so I have a band and am constantly having to communicate with them, so I’m in a constant state of burnout. I’m at a point in my life where I just don’t have the energy to even care if I’m odd or “rude” to others. I don’t have the energy for masking. I don’t have the energy for eye contact and small talk. So I just don’t do it anymore. Maybe one day I’ll get recharged and can try that stuff again. Until then, I have to conserve energy for my family and special interests.

[@EmberShadowtempest]

I can relate with this. Having burn out and !meltdowns are what ultimately led !e to.seek a diagnosis. Also recognising there was a pattern in my life. I'm exploring unmasking and I'm sure it looks like a big change for people on the outside who are more used to me Just internalizing everything and trying really hard to not react to.things that bother me. Also.for.most.my life.ive.tried.to be like other people by mimicking their behavior and understanding how much stress that puts.me under makes me not want to continue that practice. I can see how people who aren't familiar with these kind of experiences misunderstanding what's happening.

[@starfoxloves]

This is such an eloquent way of explaining something that should be common sense but probably isn't for NTs. I would gladly share this video with any NTs in my life that didn't understand. Lucky for me, everyone just takes me and what I'm saying at face value or they already weren't in my life before my discovery. P.S. I really love the term discovery over diagnosis, it absolutely is a gift of discovery and not the negative connotation that comes with "diagnosis". Thank you, Paul! 🦄😎🤓💡

[@polymathi.a]

I'm going through this. Paul Micaleff, you're amazing. I admire you so much. Thank you for being here. Cheers from a Brazilian possibly about to be late diagnosed autistic gifted individual who has lived a lifetime of pain and sorrow and wants no more.

[@chrissie8094]

This is the most relatable video I've seen. Thanks Paul ❤

[@KB-rk7nv]

Thank you! This helps me understand myself so much better! I am currently recovering from a major burnout and was reflecting back on how many burnouts I have managed to get through over the past 20 years without even knowing what was happening to me. Survival mode is no fun but somehow that helped me get to this point where I now understand what is happening and am learning ways to cope with it when it happens. Self compassion goes a long way so we'll see if that helps me though this round as I didn't even know what was happening to me the last time I went through this. Thank you so much for your insights! I don't feel so alone anymore!

[@lynncohen1297]

Paul, Thanks for this video - and, serendipity strikes again! I'm female, self-diagnosed, about 1.5 years ago, and I was 75 at the time. Since my big insight about me and autism, I've been re-examining my life; "relearning" who I am. In many ways, my big insight has been helpful. Chiefly, it gives me explanations for the numerous ways in which I've been an outlier in so many situations, and it helps me recognize how well I've been masking. As I've continued this self-reflection process, I feel like my big insight has, if not shattered, at least, significantly frayed my ability *to feel comfortable with masking.* I'm understanding that this is because I've been masking for so long, and my awareness of purposively using masking to fit into (social) situations has always been accompanied by self-identifying as "the outlier" and deciding to "just get on with it and stop questioning why I'm this way." All of which feels to me like what you're describing when you talk about, seeming to be "more autistic" after an adult diagnosis. So, again, thank you; and especially, thank you for the reminder to be gentle to ourselves. Best, Lynn

[@pb11118]

Yes! Late diagnosed at 40 & it's just that I mask less = look weirder

[@JessieThorne886]

Great video ❤ Things that caused my autistic traits to come to the fore more: being hospitalized for a long period (probably because my physical and mental boundaries couldn't be respected, and there was no option to retreat or have privacy) made me enter a constant somewhat dissociated state to sort of retreat into my own head; getting work-related stress over some years; getting medicated for my ADHD (thus no longer having the drive and impulsivity of the ADHD as an opposing force to my autism).

[@h-aether]

This is SUCH a great video! When I look back, my experience of 'managing life' prior to my burnout crash (and consequent autism diagnosis), did gradually decline over time, and felt a lot like that marathon runner coming to the end of the race (but having no finish line in sight.. so I guess burnout made one for me). I am trying to learn how to properly recover now, and not be in power saving mode the whole time. I agree, I believe there is a transition phase where we're trying things out and discovering what being autistic means to us, that can perhaps be confusing to an onlooker, especially if our diagnosis coincided with a drop in functionality. This is helpful framing. It is also one of the most painful things to be asked "are you better yet?" or even worse "why aren't you better yet?" or "shouldn't you be better by now?" Like.. define "better?" I don't think 'where I was before' would be especially desirable (although some things I miss).. But the idea of having a full battery sounds good. It HAS to be possible to "appear more autistic" AND have a full battery? I mean.. as an example.. if stimming energises me, but masking drains me.. it has to be possible, right? The heightened sensitivity & reduced functionality of burnout make it difficult though. I've heard it described like a rubber band that's stretched too far so it snaps. I might not be able to stretch that far again, but could perhaps be made stronger, if you knot the two ends in the middle.

[@beginwithin101]

Yes! And I feel it still changing. I keep GrOwING and feeling more myself... for many years, basically my whole life, I didn't really know what that felt like because so many others tried to tell me who I was. Especially my mother who seemed embarrassed by me. I was her only girl and I was my own unique being. I could tell she wanted me to be "normal". I can not mask or surpress, any more. It has had devastating affects on my physical body and my overall wellbeing. I need to be there for myself so I can be there for my children who each have their own unique personalities 😘 Thank-you for all the sharing you do. Been watching a few years now. And helped me to realize my own neurodiversities. I can relate to so much of what you share and see it in my children too. 💖🤗😎✌️😇🙏🙌🙌🙌🙌

[@OliverStegen]

Thanks so much for this video!!! I‘ve watched your videos ever since I started discovering my autism three years ago. Still, I often thought that you were too optimistic about strategies and remedies as I just couldn’t manage to implement them. I‘m in my mid 50s now and my life crashed seven years ago. Half a dozen diagnoses and two long clinical stays later, I am finally in an ambulant programme with a specialist clinic that sounds promissing. Still, there are many things that I used to be able to do that are now often insurmountable (e.g. in the household). Your video is the first I see to acknowledge my outwardly deteriorating condition and encourages me to accept regression with growing age. Thanks again!!!

[@IamNoodly]

Thank you so much Paul, for perfectly articulating my experience. For the last 18 months I've been in severe burn out and unable to work let alone take care of myself and maintain relationships (I've lost a few long and treasured friendships). It's been a massive shock to myself and everyone around me, though (with adequate supports) life and cognition is slowly becoming a little bit easier (I can write and send emails in a day again!). There has been lots of learning and your channel has helped so much, including how to be gentle with myself, thanks again!!

[@animal_person_]

My only complaint about this video is I wish it was much longer! So helpful though either way-so thank you so much :))

[@Dr_Lisa_Sosin]

PAUL! Thank you for providing the perfect way for me to explain to my family why I am not going to the family Thanksgiving celebration this year [I was recently diagnosed at 61 and I related to all you've said here]. I asked my sons and their wives and my brother (not the whole extended family) to watch this video and then to text me back so we can chat about it. When they text back I plan to tell them I am not going. I am hoping and praying that your video helps them understand and not take it personally. Grateful for you, as always!

[@ChristophersMum]

My dear Paul...you have just described what it's like for me at the present...I was only diagnosed when I was 72...but seem to be falling off the track at the moment ...I am now 75 and it is so confusing...like I sometimes say to myself...''You've done this dozens of times...and with what I know this should be easy'' ...no nothing is at all easy...it's always a struggle...but I'm not giving up ...I just have to give myself time...that will require patience with myself...something that I haven't got a lot of...I must thank you so much for this insight that you've given me...best regards from Perth Scotland 😃🌠

[@Fizziepop]

yes, I love that battery comparison. It was perfect. But also - everyone has a battery - autistic or not. The things that drain the battery are things that stress you, and autistic people live with a lot more stress from the simple things in our lives, so our batteries drain faster, and take longer to recover. It's like the power cord can only charge 20% per hour (for example), and being that there is always more stress draining it, there's always a (slow?) drain of about 10-15%. And ofc, the lower the charge, the more drain is felt from the little tiny things... so it all adds up. We call it autistic burnout - but when it happens to others, they call it functional neurological disorder (FND). It's simply what happens when a person is under too much stress, autistic or not. I don't know how others can be happy to go out every day (or even every fortnight) - it's too much for me, but the amount of time needed to recover from a simple outing cannot be understood by others either.

[@marietanguy6445]

I am getting old and tired and it is getting worse. BTW undiagnosed.... because I am french and I am a woman of age, and the french system is not autistic-friendly towards autistic old women or poor people, and well... anyways thanks to God I am now retired, and very much alone except for the help of my son, who is totally neuro-typical and very kind and helpful.

[@AncTreat5358]

This was a spot-on video! Since I self-identified this year, at age 53 I have embraced unmasking, stimming, and avoiding things that have caused autistic burnout in the past, especially social situations and sensory overwhelm. But my husband has noted on several occasions that I'm "not the man he married". That's exactly the point and exactly not the point. I am doing these things because I trust him and want to be authentic with him, so of course it's different than pre-identification.

[@veeek8]

I was literally just pondering on this issue in the kitchen, and here you are explaining! Thank you so much, this makes perfect sense!

[@lilijagaming]

I've just dropped my job of 12 years. It wasn't only because I've discovered that I am autistic (and probably AuDHD) but because I've experienced a major burnout in April. I've tried coming back to work in late August and then meltdowns came back. So even tho I was not ready to switch jobs I just had to quit. Kinda bad on my finances and this is a new source of stress for me. I am trying to wrap my head around this new situation I have found myself in. I am browsing thru the job offers but it isn't looking great for now. Plus I would mostly want to focus on buidling my coaching business and then study psychology and become a therapist. Money seems to be the main issue I need to figure out tho. My partner is working but his salary will be a bit too low for the long term for both of us. I am building my business but it is happening SLOWLY. The main issue is that my brain doesn't have a clear view on what to focus on next and it doesn't enjoy that state. On one hand I am learning how to be myself for the first time ever and on the other hand I crave the stability I've just lost.

[@linkayton]

So relatable 🙌🏼

[@guacamoli5813]

This video is so great. It feels incredibly validating. I'll show this video to people in my life towards whom I'm still scared to open up to after my big change. I think think this video summarizes everything so well and can be a good icebreaker to open up.

[@andi_audhd]

Yeah I strongly relate to what you’ve shared! Over the course of this year, and especially in the past 3 months, I’ve really come to terms with the strong possibility I’m autistic. I do plan to get a diagnosis, and I’m already in the Q with the NHS but I don’t plan to wait around for that. Then this year in June we (husband, daughter and I) moved into our new home. Between the autism discovery and the big move, I’ve had so many meltdowns and I’m still feeling burnt out. But on the flip side I’m definitely in that discovery phase as well. While I may be having more meltdowns, and pretty close to each other, it’s also giving me an opportunity to learn about myself. I also decided to give myself a haircut (still stuck to my preferred style) and finally decided to get my hair dyed. I’ve wanted to dye my hair red and black for many years but always been too worried of what my family will have to say about it. I didn’t go all out as I had envisioned (I got red highlights added to my dark brown hair) and I’m a little bummed. But I do hope I can try again in a few months time.

[@Uebrigens]

Thank you for answering the exact question I was worrying about. ❤ I feel so much better now that I understand why it seems more challenging now. So I'm happy to take my time 🐌 and learn to be me. 🐣

[@AlexLouiseWest]

Thank you for this helpful and relatable video.

[@SunShine2024-t2w]

Thank you for this.Diagnosed about a month ago and trying to get my head around everything including unmasking and who am I.Very tired and drained.Your explanation is much appreciated and is so helpful

[@edithlongpre1]

Totally going through this right now, after a self diagnosis (they refused to test me when i asked for in it my late 20s... there was a moratory on diagnosis, so i was left to deal with life however i could). I had some coping strategies but only now realise the extent of the sensory issues and associated recurring burnout i had. Incredible. Your comparison with the marathon runner is 100% accurate. Sometimes i try some coping strategy just by curiosity and realise after how difficult it was before. I definitly end so much less fatigued by the end of the day... it is worth it, and i don't care so much about what people think of my growing kit of earplugs, glasses and so on.. there is to much positive in all this. Anyway most people are too shy to ask 😂 I just noticed tonight that i got bothered by the sound of water dripping roughly in the drain of the shower. Never had this before... am i getting more sensitive? My impression for now is that i am just less overloaded, so i notice more things. My senses can stretch their leg, in a way.. Perhaps it is some flip side of compensation strategies, a kind of reverse process of the desensitizing therapy that is used in allergology. Less exposed = more sensitive.. i guess it makes sense. It would tend to indicate that we should expose ourselves more to get some resilience.. but it doesn't work like that, obviously. I did it all my life and it drained me. At the same time, i already had increasing sensory issues with sensitivity pre self diagnosis. So i guess some of it is due to age. There is definitly a step up since i am in my 40s. At the same time, i can't help noticing how agressive the world is becoming for all my senses. Street lights and car headlights are all becoming blueish white leds of glaring force, i found articles about it... experts say it is out of control, and unsafe (you can see well but the person in front can't see a thing, what a great idea....), but nothing is done and car manufacturers are doing what they want. And perfumes always have been a tricky thing for me, but i can't remember having as much trouble as i do now. If i was to end my life one day, this would be in the top 5 reasons. I don't know what molecules they invent in the industry, but the strenght and persistance of it is off the chart, and sickening. And it is more and more everywhere. They introduced a perfume diffuser in the toilets at one of my workplaces, and i can't stand it now. I have to work 8+ straight hours without even peeing and restrict hydration to avoid going to the toilet, and i know how damaging this can be, i am a nurse! I consider writing to headquaters (it is a pharmacy) and buying carbon filter masks, if that can do anything.... i have been ignored all my life, or downplayed, so i have little hope and hesitate so much before complaining.. but these things push me at the limits of my adaptations capacities. I feel agressed like never before and it is not me who changed. I am not sure it would be so difficult if the world stayed the same, and all i had around would be the warm glow of incandescent light, the normal faint odor of freshly washed clothes that fades away after some days, and less publicity spreaded everywhere. So... is it ageing, increased sensitivity with less exposure, or a self induced nightmare brought by 'technological innovations' ? I let you decide i guess..

[@stevenmunro2623]

I’ve been diagnosed since age of 5. I’ve recently hit 30, spent my entire 20s masking and working jobs that involve CONSTANT masking and being in the ‘zone’ every single day. Going out partying and constantly socialising, and now I’ve hit the extreme burnout. I can’t handle socialising anywhere as much as I used to, and I often take a step back because I know I’m not able to. But this has come along with also realising who real friends are and has put so much into perspective. I’ve been so lucky to have a husband that is highly supportive and allows me to have my recharging period. The discovery I’ve gone through is I’ve realised I need to also change my job, departing from customer services into something quieter, away from the public, not to mention a lot of other things. I’m at the start of my journey of unmasking. All I can say is this video has genuinely made me feel seen, truly. Because I used to believe I was depleting in my autism, but essentially I’m evolving in a new journey. Thank you for all that you do, Paul! ❤️

[@kats7930]

Yup, you were right on with that! I was going through a period of overwhelm when I got my diagnosis, and I did a lot of resetting afterward. But the result was I grew in big ways, and feel happier because I'm suffering so much less, like when I can just shut down all the noise around me with noise cancelling headphones, even at a theatre. I am more accommodative of myself and my needs, and it truly helped me to move on.

[@SunchildeTarot]

Thank you for that. You have legitimized my experience of the past 18 months.

[@cattails1166]

Totally get it. I got worse, before I knew I had it.

[@juneingram1130]

Your videos are helping me so much. Thankyou for making them

[@Repelsteeltje10]

Thank you so much. The hearing protection and the stimming without shame or masking makes me in such a strange way connect with me

[@DenaliDragon]

Since I figured out I was autistic at the beginning of the year I’ve struggled to understand burnout and masking. This video resonates deeply with my experience and gives me some language to use to help my friends and family understand better. Moreover the explanation of how the burnout experience might vary for different people was extremely helpful.

[@Chaiikiss]

First - sorry for my bad English😑 I can relate to several things in the video - but maybe it's just my imagination🤷‍♀️ This autumn, my 14-year-old son was diagnosed with infantile autism, ADHD, anxiety and two additional diagnoses. He is the nicest, most amazing and absolutely the coolest boy! He is perfect the way he is! The "system", on the other hand, is anything but perfect. It is degrading and exhausting. We fought for many years. "Professionals" saw nothing. He has masked and overachieved for years in school. Meltdowns at home. He has not been in school since december last year. The time until the treatment plan is long. They will treat his anxiety and then his ADHD. The waiting list is long....from September - to the end of May next year. I recognize challenges that my son has. I am so exhausted. Not depressed, but has a stress reaction - my psychologist says. In recent years, I can do fewer things. I feel I have used up my social skills for a lifetime. We still have to fight for help for son, I feel. "Kicking in doors". That's why it's no use fighting for myself - to consider a possible autism diagnosis. And I'm too old, I think...🤷‍♀️

[@wendyheaton1439]

Recently I have been feeling like I am now living someone else's life but the reality is I have started to live my own real autistic life... Thank you so much for validating my experience. ❤

[@DanFenzl]

I had some complications after a surgery 2 years back in which I almost died and was in the hospital over a month. Starting directly after the surgery and continuing on to this day, I have autistic traits now I had never displayed/struggled with ever in my life (I'm 51 now).

[@ArjanKop]

This pretty much describes the past three years for me. Interesting take. Thank you.

[@AudioLemon]

If this is live and you can see this comment please make some comments supporting those in the lgbt community. They are struggling in America this evening and many of them could be experiencing some autistic regression right now and could do with some advice.

[@m.tieman5863]

In books or articles about autism I have regularly read that 'it becomes easier when you age' - probably because you learn how to cope. But I have experienced the reverse and I am happy that you confirm this in this video and many commenters too. I don't have a diagnosis but AuDD is all around me in relatives and friends and I am sure I must be somewhere on the spectrum (a discovery at around 45 years of age). On the one hand it's easier to accept now that I understand where it's coming from, and also I know my limitations better and aren't afraid to show them anymore. On the other hand there just isn't as much energy to mask or cope as there was when I was younger.

[@IsidorTheNordicGuy]

Has gotten worse for me. Psychologist keep pushing me for exposure therapy in crowds and stuff due to PTSD and I do it and follow his demands and instructions but man…. That’s all I have energy for now. Getting more and more tired each day and I wake up tired too. Sensory issues have gotten worse too. Should I tell him I need to lower the pace?

[@CaroH-h9c]

Thank you so much for making these videos. You have no idea how much you've helped me understand what's happened in my life. Keep it going

[@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh]

Sheesh. This is really important for me. I definitely have seen my autistic factors AND even ADHD get more magnified than before.

[@Art-in-Making]

Thank you for giving the words. I'm going to send this video to my husband and hopefully he'll understand me better. Huge thank you ❤

[@LoneGoatCult]

I've benefited so much from Paul's videos over the years. What I'd like to know is how Paul is more knowledgeable and more helpful than any Mental Health clinician I've seen. I have many symptoms of autism and decided to go try to get an evaluation, the first meet up today was so uncomfortable and I felt like the guy had no idea what autism even is, and he is supposedly a specialist.

[@pohldriver]

Ah, ok. I had started realizing issues after things changed at the company I'd been at over a decade. They started bitching about how I did things, when they themselves had no clue how to do the job. I changed jobs, and they were worse than the last! For years, I was an absolute ass to my wife and daughter. My usual jovial attitude was gone, as was my tolerance, and when I got home I'd sit and stare at the wall. I thought I had tourette syndrome after seeing a guy twitching like I do when I'm exhausted. That eventually turned autism, where I quickly figured out everyone from my wife to only friend are on the spectrum. Then, my sister realized I am an asper. That's when I discovered that my stims are most likely the ticks, as is leg shaking, and smoking. And, they're getting more intrusive, when they never were a problem before.

[@signingupisforfish]

Precisely what I've been going through! Thank you for communicating it!

[@cherylyoke4872]

Yes, this video is helpful. Thank you.

[@crochet_kat]

Thank you so much for this. This matches my experience so well and it's reassuring to have confirmation of what I suspected could be the reasons behind this happening.