Avoidant Personality Disorder & (de)sensitization + New Years challenge :)

In this video I briefly talk about how I accidentally made my AvPD worse, and then how I plan to make it better through building confidence with exposure therapy. I discuss the 15 challenges I'm setting for myself in January and the goals for this year, as well as reflecting on the good things that came from 2023. Thanks for watching. :)
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[@basedbutgay]

Your observation is spot on. Throughout the pandemic, I wasn’t aware of my AvPD and constantly praised lockdown, believing it had no effect on me. But it did. Once the lockdown lifted, people became even more triggering for me. I suppose maintaining a constant level of engagement with others is necessary to prevent getting too comfortable at home again.

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

Which becomes infinitely more difficult when there’s no obligation to do so. 😩 Looking back, this pattern was even prevalent for me on a small scale when I did have a job out of the house. The worst panic attacks of the week were Sunday nights before having to return to work after a few days off. There’s a momentum involved in being consistent, which isn’t my strong suit. 😅

[@verfassungspatriot]

@@anxious_and_avoidant Do you also find it harder to be around people when you haven't seen them for a while? Because you said that before Monday, you were most insecure when you were still working.... Any irregularity in the frequency of contact triggers an incredible amount of insecurity in me. It's not just the same with work in terms of weekends and vacations, but also with friends and acquaintances. I have to say, it's very noticeable how much it literally throws me off my stride. For example, if a friend contacts me once a week and then suddenly doesn't for a longer time, I immediately think there's something wrong with me and that he doesn't like me anymore. Although there could be a thousand other reasons...

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

@@verfassungspatriot yes, 100%. I always talk about how strong my relationship with my sister is and party of that I think is that we are just in constant communication. When she gets busy and I don’t hear from her much for a couple days, it doesn’t take long for my thoughts to go somewhere insecure.

[@rolf7135]

It sounds like a good idea with exposure therapy. In 2023, I had to start taking the bus for financial reasons, I started out taking the bus at 06:00, about 2 hours before I usually start my 20-minute commute to work. At the end of the year, I avoid the busiest hours and walk one or two stops so I do not have to share a seat with someone from the start, but it has mostly become routine(and also time flies by; as I play a game, The Battle Of Polytopia, that takes about 20 minutes). Routine is easy, while non-routine still worries me a lot. My exposure therapy goal for 2024, is to eat/drink out in a cafe/restaurant/pub/bar once a week.

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

Yes I think the routine and consistency is probably the key to actually sustaining benefits from the exposure over time, especially when we’re starting from such an “extreme” state of anxiety. 😊 No need to make it harder with spontaneity lol. And I love that idea… combine a little bit of nerve-wracking exposure with a little treat. 🍽️🍻

[@worldofjonny2]

Heya, found your channel a little while back, around the time you started posting again and have been meaning to leave a comment ever since but for reasons that are probably obvious it got put off for a while. I think the shock that the pandemic brought really can't be overstated and I really don't think society has actually subconsciously recovered ever since - it almost feels like everyone is just trying to collectively pretend it didn't happen so that we can go "back to normal." I think what's been so tough for people who don't fit into the "normal" way of being is that the pandemic offered something else, a different way of being for the first time in any of our lives, even if that way of being was ultimately a net negative. It was also a time when, for people who have felt broken for most of their lives, suddenly everything was broken and nothing made sense - in a strange sort of way everyone experienced the world the way we do for once. For me the experience of stopping for the first time led me to actually investigate and begin to understand a lot of the issues I've always dealt with, though unfortunately that also means accepting and facing those things head on and realising there's limits to what you can achieve. Finding channels like this and seeing that you are not alone with your struggles has been helpful on this journey and I just wanted to say thank you for that and also a massive well done on even making the channel in the first place, it takes more bravery than I think a lot of people know. Anyway best of luck with the challenge and for the new year in general. Peace and love from London ✌️

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

Thank you so much. 🥹 You said it beautifully, it was really a turning point, for better or worse. And many of us are still trying to reconcile everything we felt and learned during that time while others are trying to go back to normal. ❤️

[@worldofjonny2]

@@anxious_and_avoidant 😊🦥✌️

[@angelagoodwin5758]

Hi Maxine. I discovered your channel a few days ago. I resonate with your experiences. Though I haven't been diagnosed, I believe I've had AvPD most of my life. I certainly have issues with driving on free ways and in winter weather, as well as just being out and about in the world. I've missed out on many critical adult milestones because of this constant fear that has been with me since early childhood. Currently, I'm looking into therapy.

[@superanxietychick7035]

Exposure therapy is not always easy, but oh so helpful. You've got this ❤

[@markaoslo5653]

❤☮🕯- Thank you, Maxine!

[@basedbutgay]

Greetings 👋

[@riffdem1332]

Heel veel succes met deze challenge in januari! Je inspireert me om exposure ook weer op te pakken, en de wasstraat komt ook zeker op mijn lijstje! Ik schaam me altijd dood als ik mijn wiel niet goed in de goot krijg😅 fijne jaarwisseling en veel geluk🍀

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

I’m so glad someone understands 😅😭 thank you so much, same to you!! 😊❤️🥳

[@CajunCraft24]

I’ve definitely done the same thing, avoiding my triggers and isolating… even before the pandemic, so when people on my social media were freaking out after being home bound for like a week, I had to laugh to myself. I remember thinking “hold my beer” because I was totally unfazed… but yeah in the long run it definitely made me worse. I never thought that the agoraphobia would ever get as bad as it originally was again… but it did. Apparently I’ve been avoiding turning left on my occasional driving outings so well that when forced to do it unexpectedly, I froze. I had to go home because of an impromptu left turn. So yeah everything you’re saying really hits home. Even the unvaccinated dog

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

Omg the way I will go out of my way to avoid unassisted left turns and inevitably panic when I can’t 😭 it’s so annoying. I know that I know how to drive, but I’m so afraid I’ll just.. randomly forget? Make a mistake? Idk but it’s so frustrating. At least I’m not the only one struggling with what should be basic tasks. 😅 I love my dogs more than anything and I’m an otherwise exceptional pet owner but goddamn that’s a stressful errand hahahah.

[@verfassungspatriot]

❤

[@dalefrank3713]

Exposure therapy has been super helpful for me. I think the thing is that most people don't realize the amount of time and exposure it will actually take to really start to notice a big difference. I'd say if you qualify for having an "anxious and fearful" personality it's likely going to take a good 10 years of deliberate exposure until you start to resemble a normal and functional person.

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

Yeah, that makes sense. I think the key though is not to necessarily be aiming to be a “normal” person, but just to be actively improving. That way it doesn’t feel discouraging when you have so far to go. 😅 Good to have realistic expectations though for sure ❤️

[@dalefrank3713]

I guess it would depend on the individual and what they ultimately want and think they could achieve. Good channel and content, very brave of you to be so open with your life and struggles, wishing you luck in the new year!@@anxious_and_avoidant

[@stevecook5842]

I just want you to know that for what it's worth I am very proud of you 👏. I know that you are a private person and I really don't want to intrude in your life. I hope that I didn't cause you any undue stress. I have a tendency to say or write too much and I forget that everyone doesn't want to know my business 🙃. I don't really know what I'm talking about anyway. I plan on being more productive. I have always wanted to record some music that I've written over my adult life but never really made it a priority. I also want to get my private pilots license, another long postponed dream. I hope to start my own KZbin channel as part of the spiritual community. I want to either sell my home and move or keep it and tackle some much needed repairs. What I do about that depends on how my divorce case settles. Like you, I feel like I have a life to live and I need to get busy living it. On a personal note I would like to get in touch with some friends and family members that I haven't seen in more than a minute and hopefully have a joyous reunion with them. I am grateful for the life that I've been blessed with and I hope that I am a blessing to those who know me. You are an inspiration to me and many others. I will try to keep this short but I won't make any promises 😊... Rome wasn't built in a day. Any improvement no matter how small is a step in the right direction. I believe in you. You are much stronger than you think and you are definitely capable of doing anything you can imagine ✨️. I know I'm not Tony Robbins but I am an advocate for positive thinking. I hope you don't think that I'm just blowing smoke up your skirt? Everyone needs some encouragement from time to time and I want nothing more than to be an encouragement to you. Sorry if I come off as a doting dad but I really can't help myself. Feel free to do what adult children do and just ignore me and my advice. I promise I won't take offense. 😊

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

🥹❤️

[@stardreamer3492]

Hi, Maxine! I agree that confidence is important. For me, anything that improves my confidence is a good thing. People can see when I’m anxious, and that affects interactions with me. They can also see when I’m at ease, and that puts them at ease. Are you familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)? Seeking comfort is associated with the cognitive function “introverted sensing.” As someone who has the INFP type, introverted sensing is my tertiary function. My primary function is introverted feeling, and (possibly because of introverted feeling) my number one priority is being true to myself and to my values. I’m curious about which MBTI type you test as. About facing fears, someone should program a VR simulation for social interactions where the user can interact with AI NPCs. Obviously, it wouldn’t be as scary as the real thing, but I think it could be a helpful intermediate step before going out to talk to unfamiliar people. My relationship with food isn’t so good either. However, I’m going to try the even-hour diet. If the hour on my watch is even, I’ll go ahead and eat (if I’m hungry). If the hour is odd then I’ll wait to eat until the next even hour.

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

Hi 😊 thank you! I’m obsessed with your VR idea hahaha that would be such good practice. I actually have a video where I take a version of the Myers-Briggs test! I’m an INFJ, so I can relate very heavily to INFPs as well. I didn’t look into it much beyond the basic description though… perhaps I should dig a little deeper into that too. ❤️

[@stardreamer3492]

@@anxious_and_avoidant You’re welcome. ^_^

[@filipv290]

I came across avpd a few years ago and i recognised some of the signs. Offcourse this doesn't mean that i have it but i do understand most of the things you were talking about.

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

It could just be social anxiety or poor self esteem but it’s significantly impacting your life and ability to have meaningful relationships then it very well could be AvPD ❤️ I hope the resources are helpful either way

[@filipv290]

@@anxious_and_avoidant i do have social anxiety and low self esteem. Most of the online tests give strong indication as a result and i recognise 7 or 8 symptoms that i see online. But even if don't have it it's still nice to hear people talk about things that you recognise in yourself.

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

@@filipv290 totally agree. I’m not diagnosed with autism or BPD but I relate to many of the symptoms and love seeing videos about them too. 😊 Glad my content can be helpful to you!!

[@Ali-20244]

❤✌️

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

👋❤️

[@Thavar91]

I listened to this in 1.5 speed

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

nice! i do that too lol

[@vickyauger2576]

Hi Maxine, can I ask you if you take any prescribed medication? I'm trying to become the person I want to be in 2024 but I'm so anxious doing it on my own cause there are big chances that I will fail. I'm wondering if it's necessary to be medicated to be able to change. Thank you xxxx

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

I am not currently… I am prescribed adderall for my ADHD but I’m not taking it right now until I talk to my doctor about my blood pressure. 😬 What I have taken in the past and what I recommend trying first for anxiety (I’m going to ask my doctor to try it again) is a beta-blocker like propranolol. It’s actually used to *treat* hypertension, but also “stage fright” and things like that. It was the first thing I was prescribed for anxiety as a teenager and it helped a lot. Plus, it’s safe to take as-needed and there weren’t any crazy withdrawals or anything. ❤️

[@linak429]

But what about just regular therapy? Most of the books I've read seem to agree that PDs should do therapy to get better

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

I would love to have access to therapy 😊 but I live in the United States so it’s not always accessible depending on insurance and income.

[@sacredheart7965]

Just want to know if anyone can relate to this..... Someone new comes into your work life but you don't make an effort to speak to them. Months and even years go by, and you've barely got to know that person who works in close proximity Is that common in people with AVPD or is it just me?! 😅

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

For me personally this depends on the vibe they give off but I’m sure it’s super common amongst us. My ADHD makes me surprisingly chatty for how nervous I am which has the potential to work in my favor but also the potential to make things very awkward when I meet someone new 😅

[@sacredheart7965]

@@anxious_and_avoidant It's a vicious circle as after months/years, it feels ridiculous to all of a sudden speak to the people you have so far ignored! It feels like they would be highly perplexed! It's a really tough condition. I'm a married man with 3 kids - you have no idea how many awkward situations that has given me down the years! Always said to my wife "you do the P.R"!

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

@@sacredheart7965 omg, you do the PR. 😂👌🏻 I’m totally adopting that phrase hahahaha

[@riffdem1332]

Ik herken je voorbeeld zeker! Eenmaal dat pad opgewandeld is er haast geen weg terug..vooral omdat de onstane afstand best wel comfy is

[@jkb1O5]

I apparently ya , but the way you speak is exhausting 🥵

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

What’s the point of saying that? What were you hoping to achieve?

[@MeditatewithVeronica]

I love the way she speaks, it’s always very calming and clear so theres that. ❤️