fascinating. i'm diagnosed with BPD and it took me a long time to come to terms with because my symptoms really manifest as the quiet subtype rather than the stereotypical, more externalizing profile, to the point where i really doubted i even had any sort of mental disorder at all. but growing up i did read about personality disorders and related super heavily to AvPD And NPD 🥴 which sounds like a wacky combination but does more or less make sense if one looks at it as just being BPD. covers both the sensitivity & tendency towards isolation part + the angrier edgier features sometimes bordering on narcissism

BPD and AVPD is impossible to be co-occurring, you can for sure have BPD traits though

❤️ I just got diagnosed on Monday.

Love you 🫶

Page 1 ⏳ Hey Maxine, Miss you😢. This might be an example of how social media doesn’t work so well and writing a letter does. There are endless avenues of discussion here. I’m unqualified for most but another great topic choice, and for me, a felicitous one. I can only trust you when you talk about the positive aspects of Social Media you have found. You seem to be doing the work you are meant to be doing right now. It looks good on you. It may not mean much at this point but I’m proud of you. 💙 My recent, and first ever foray into this SoMe territory resulted in personal discord and rapid decline. I became aware over two months that it was like I was taking a syringe and mainlining anxiety. I was focusing on the hopes therefore not prepared for the negative effects. I feel some at this moment. For some it can be the main source of positive socializing, for others it breeds isolation and decay. For me it plays right into my pattern of building bridges and then sabotaging them. It’s an avoidance/shame thing. No friends as a result. Hard to explain, but until I get control of that and the hurt I inflict I will have to reduce my presence - everywhere I guess. It’s a broken wheel right now. I’ve always been skeptical of social media and the forces at play. It has left me with an innocence and romanticism but also a vulnerability and naïveté. The blame for my recent devolution lies in the atmosphere and what it can induce imo. I can only compare it to being immersed in a new workplace. Having every intention of “making this one work”, but the atmosphere, judgement, verbal/ non verbal cues won’t let you leave the stress at work. It’s with you at night, mornings, weekends, and while with others, until you are overwhelmed and have to quit. There is fallout from people I met and then I’m forgotten. An anxious person could start a medication that lowers their heart rate/ excitability. Literally start losing their heart as a direct result. 💙 Some, because of social media, have lost it completely. I am hoping to do neither. Again You can probably start to see how completely overwhelming this all is to me and I’ve just begun😳. I’m not trying for the title of longest you tube comment ever but I think it might be well in hand. Sorry. Hang on please.

Page 2 Hey! 👋🏻Back to social media. I can’t say I experienced either of the two main negatives you mentioned, comparing myself to snippets of other’s lives, or outright meanness, but I can see how the atmosphere is ripe there for Influencers, bullying and general lunatics. And let me say in fairness that I may have been, and think I am, a source of discontent to someone. I wish I could apologize or change the way they saw me. Ya know?? It’s sometimes actually hard to connect. So a die is cast.🤷🏻‍♂️The little blue shirt I’m wearing says- To know me is to love me. It’s hard to see though isn’t it? Some people tell me it says-Hello, my name is Dick! Thinking you are either shaking your head right now or have left the room completely. 😅 Bizarre and totally unrelated -I just now realized that the beating and berating by the nuns in Catholic grade skool probably had an impact on me. Jesus, what a revelation! Must have been the Influencers, bullying and general lunatics line. 😂 Really connecting the dots here. 🥳 Maybe it’s worth writing all this out. Though SoMe is hyped as the great new vehicle of communication, we might be riding a Trojan horse here. The origins of modern SoMe? Connection? For about a week. Marketing? Profit? Forever. As we head into web3 and the metaverse what and who will be real? Will we all really just be customers? Are we now? I’m helping to build a new Meta/ Facebook building as I speak. They are not doing this out of love. Have profiteers seized upon our human frailties and nature? Yes. Will they ever let go? No. Why? Because they are human. Talk about a broken wheel! It’s gonna be quite a ride. 🤯 I think I’m better off walking. Oh ya walking! That went to the wayside along with my health the last 2 months. Big ToeKnee is off to Anytime Fitness now!! Intermission 🍿

Page 3 Hey, 👋🏻I’m still here. Will I ever send this? Really though my struggle with Social Media is a combination of my Avpd, my🤪 and growing up pre SoMe. Naturally we found our places to socialize pre SoMe and pre Avpd , the arcade, coffee shop, record/ book store, walking through the backstreets together for miles at night, garage bands. We adjusted with time. My world was physical, real and I felt part of it. Everything was “ local”. Everything. We didn’t get the bad news from Arkansas because we didn’t live there and I didn’t feel like I was missing a thing. The human mind can only take so much. The common sayings, “ Mind your own business!” and “ Say it to my face! ”, while derogatory, did have merit and a dignity that hiding behind a keyboard in anonymity doesn’t. A faceless, nameless, ”home”less forum makes cruelty an option and accountability not. I can talk to someone in India. Ok. Who am I even talking to. I can’t even create a picture in my head as I’m sitting in a break room next to 8 other people looking at their phones in silence. The endless scrolling through people’s thoughts and lives. Slightly cynical? Yes. Sorry, but I find it more than slightly dehumanizing, hence my personal discord and personal failures here. Yes, failures. Is the meanness etc a result of us being miserable? I think it’s worse than that. It’s our nature. People are just not good to each other. SoMe is an available vehicle for that. Maybe we beautiful Avoidant people are painfully in tune with that concept from experience, and therefore are extra mistrustful/skeptical of SoMe. ?!? Triggers?!? One final rude comment flipped the switch for me and flipped my new anxiety meds in the trash. Please understand me when I say there is a loss in that. Because of SoMe I shared thoughts, feelings and FUN with some wonderful people and was able to see the most beautiful smile in the whole wide world. Now I have intently adjusted my SoMe to what I hope are positive and appropriate🤔comments outside of gated/ non-gated communities with the smallest trackable footprint possible. I respectfully say that is only one person’s needs and opinion. I hope there is some possible useful perspective here. > At least it explains me a little and explains why people keep a distance from me. I understand.🥹🏳️ Well that’s all I got. Just didn’t have much to say I guess. Thank you for the Maxine Movie. It was groovy. ☺️ Write me a letter. Let’s be penpals!!🤝 So fun! You start!😅😂 I’m getting a weird vibe right now. 🤬 Yours truly, A. Social Media Survivor I would be interested in showing this to a psychologist to get feedback but believe I would be swiftly whisked away to an institution 🎯🚌😅. ⏳

“Hey” Thank you Social media and Avpd. Haven’t figured out how that works. I can’t even stand to see/ reread a comment I made. They are just ridiculous. Hopefully people have time to see them before I delete because I mean well. The paradox is possibly impossible. I wrote a more well thought out comment a few days ago but am guessing it won’t see the light of day. Well maybe from 6 to 6:30 am.⏳ I’d like to apologize to the world about me. Maybe @ the whole world would work. Regardless, this is an important topic you brought forth here. How do we remove ourselves from the negative effects social media is having on us. I quit watching Any news mainly because of politics and celebrity. Is it healthy or just more avoidance. Are we just telling ourselves our rose colored glasses aren’t rose? ⌛️ Bye for now Lady👋🏻

lol @ your video caption 😂 In the past I’ve unfortunately attended my grandmother’s funeral twice 😞 She’s still alive and almost 100 so I didn’t jinx her luckily.

I’m beyond happy I found this channel after failed attempted therapy ,bpd misdiagnosis , no one knowing about this condition and late diagnosed adhd . I’m looking into schema therapy now. I am early 40s so it’s extremely hard not to cave into the hopelessness . I lost a lot of development time to panic disorder & agoraphobia so I try not to be super hard on myself , it was a disabling condition . Now, I am trying to get back into work by doing the bare minimum of pre employment program. The intimacy part Is an entire other thing to overcome , I think I am counterdependent at this point . Still working on healing regardless, to stop internalizing the abuse & neglect and my small nieces. Thank you for exposing yourself to bring light to this situation.

All of us with avpd issues need to get together and study ourselves and put together a “scientific” study (and take all the credit ourselves) because no therapists out there can help 😆 I have FA to the degree I’m not even putting myself out there anymore . But , my goal now is to just push through this avoidance to just do normal socializing again .

Thanks for the video. I'm SPD and wondered how my thoughts/fears differ from AvPD. Maybe oversimplifying but what i think is true form my understanding: SPD theme is motivation to protect myself from the world. Do not trust anyone, even myself. For AvPD it would be simpler: protect myself from shame. Freud would have loved this. For him, everything was sexual. For me sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with it. I fear intimacy. For with intimacy you must trust. For developing friendships you must trust. And when at sime point early in life you can't handle the emotions of betrayal by parent, sibling, or other central person in your life you turn your emotions off. I remember the moment for me when i stopped crying when i got teased by my older brothers. I was six or seven. And correctly guessed that the teasing would stop if i stopped rewarding them with my emotional outbursts.

i recently began to make a friend. devastating because i am now pulling away from them, as the fear and adrenaline produced during the interactions, was too much to bear. i couldnt even sleep from adrenaline, and needed to change clothes from sweating. i want to die so badly, but i believe in Jesus so i cant do that until its my time to go naturally. but this existance is torture. i also fell for this person, just to make it hurt worse.

I don't think it's about liking. This is a very fear-driven personality so... It's about safety, feeling safe and whatnot. So an avoidant PD simply put thinks living is too risky. Going out with friends is too risky. Friends can be fake toxic friends and whatnot.. So yeah avoidance, fears, fear of commitment, fear of responsibility, fear of toxic asshole people, fear of accountability, fear of society, people and the Sun itself... Fears... Because an avoidant PD person does not feel safe around supposed (possibly fake) toxic-ass friends... It is BETTER to be alone, kinda depressed but still safe than to constantly feel threatened by the enmeshment of toxic ass friends. Avoidants do not notice this as fear because lack of self-consciousness defines all Personality Disorders.

I'm not officially diagnosed with AvPD (even though I'm diagnosed with ASD and ADHD) but I can relate a lot with probably all AvPD traits I've ever read about, and I recently learned about what is a vulnerable narcissism and could see some similarities with me because some AvPD traits and vulnerable narcissism traits seems to overlap... And after learning that I was really afraid of the possibility of me being some sort of narcisist, a vulnerable narcisist... and your video had such a calm, rational and reasoble approach that it made me feel a bit better and more secure about me probably not being a narcisist, so thank you for your video! I'm usually calm and rational to a lot of things but when it comes to things about myself personally I get easily insecure and I'm always afraid that every bad thing I ever wondered about myself could be true somehow, so I can't thank you enough. I've seen other videos on the subject and your video was one of the few that didn't stigmatized the whole thing, that gave careful thoughts on each items and approached them in a more human way.

I'm INFJ, too!

Thank you for the video! And thank you for sharing! I'm anxious too. I can relate all these reasons.

I didnt speak at all except one other kid in pre k. The teacher hugged me once when decided to say something once

I have been in a relationship with a woman exactly like you. I always wondered why she does what she did. Its obvious, the longer they are with somebody, the more distant they become. They are afraid of bonding, they are afraid of what they will get and discover something new. She does have a valid point. Covert narcissists cannot be identified, until its too late. They take the avoidant path. I dont take it personally anymore. I must accept her or move on.

I have these issues and was late diagnosed adhd . Too late at this point . But after several days of vyvanse , only 20mg it makes me tired and sleepy . I almost had to pull over the side of the road to sleep on day 3. Maybe higher dose is needed or more time or I’m Misdiagnosed . But I’m wondering if this whole situation is down to the avoidance , and not adhd.

adhd mixed with asd with ocd tendencies energy for two type a i was able to manage until i had kids, then it got harder in perimenopause now and it got bad enough for me to need adderall, black tea, hormones and change many of my strategies because they stopped working progesterone helps me to sleep better and i wish someone had given me that my whole life insomnia was cruel started at 9 years old i was so busy surviving that i could not be depressed but now it is hitting me double i am so sorry that there are so many of us suffering so much rejection dysphoria sucks we are more likely to have trauma than the neuro typical high fat medium protein low carb helps me a lot added fermented foods easy the digestion i do less and rest more the fear that i will not remember some crucial info and it is nerve racking the silly mistakes are embarrassing people don’t take me seriously i am finally losing weight after a decade gaining thank you for sharing we can learn so much from you i have been so angry at myself but i need to deal with it, i have lots of self hatred and i must forgive myself as i do others, have self compassion at least 50% as i show others ….

I recently discovered the existence of this disorder and I think I have this problem. I thought it was autism or maybe social anxiety because those are the only “disorders” I know of, but I never got that diagnosis, but I knew there was something. I recently discovered that I have Daydreaming, it isn't a disorder. Of course I'm going to seek a medical diagnosis but I feel like I'm slowly understanding more about myself.

I'm in my 40s and never really had a lot of friends. I decided last year that I'm done with people and gave up on trying to make friends. I'm happier being alone now with no friends (not like people are lining up to be my pal).

I'm both AvPD & ADHD, with undiagnosed Autism.

I used to think i related more to avpd, but after having some good therapy sessions i think i relate much more to schizoid, especially when you learn more about the disorders and not just surface appearances they present.

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

I kept waiting for something i didnt relate to as a diagnosed autistic woman. Pretty much everything you said resonated, and they are things i brought up in my diagnosic interview. I specifically asked for differential diagnosis against PDs, and was told i didnt have any. You may want to seek out a specialist like i did. Self dx and therpapist dx are a great first step but a neuropsych eval or an autism specialist is really needed imo. Also, the people around you not thinking youre autistic is pretty normal for women, because most people have an incomplete or wrong idea about how it presents in low support needs women. Aka level one, formerly called aspergers.

You are so nice! I am sorry you are strugling with this disorder, hope you find a releaf soon. Wish you the best!

Sorry Maxeen, but I don’t feel that you are struggling with vulnerable narcissism or bpd. We all can exhibit different behaviour and emotions but drivers behind those are completely different. I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist but I do receiving therapy for my mental health issues, and I many times asked my psychologist if am I bpd, but answer is always NO. My first therapist kept praising me, and yes, it’s felt good, but later on I didn’t want to continue with him, as I felt that he wasn’t genuine. I’m not a living saint, I’m a human with good and bad traits. I felt that I wasn’t talking much from our sessions, so I changed the psychologist, who challenges me at times, so I can reflect on my behaviour and taking something from our sessions. But Maxeen, I really don’t feel that you are suffering bpd. Thank you for your videos, I only find your channel today, so thank you.🙏

I had a lot of self hatred accumulated over the years; every small insult or critique I internalised and made it part of myself instead of working on it I guess. Which is what most people expect me to do if they beat me down. I'm not sure why this is like a normal thing but for me it's like the worst that can happen especially in a group setting, talking about humiliation and ridicule. Anyways, getting older, I think breaching 30 for me I challenged myself to find value in myself, after avoiding every friend, family member and person I knew, by just moving away. And oh well I discovered self compassion is a thing and no I'm just picking up the pieces that's left of me and try to make something from it. I feel like the ugliest mf alive, feel like a creep, feel like a nuisance to everyone. Feel like my existence is just not appreciated. Its so so so difficult to find value where no one else does xd I mean I'm not going around asking people what they think of me, obviously having trained my avoidance to perfection. Love your video, I'm picking them up as I go, but so far it's a emotional/struggle match for me.

I'm recently unemployed after working my first job for almost 8years! I worked in IT and was able to avoid people for the most part. I did the call in sick thing way to many times, and eventually ppl started (or maybe I became aware or delusional) to basically locked bully me and call me antisocial for not participating, where I associate that with vile criminal behaviour, I sort of let it wash over me and I payed more attention to these stipulations. To a point where every good interaction became a reason to treat me like shit in the next one. Call me names, insult me and the worst part is normalise it. Now I think they were trying to integrate me into the cool-kids club, but who knows. Ultimately one of the managers lied about something involving me. It wasn't too bad, but I thought she was using me as leverage to make a bigger argument, not sure. I was calling her out and then I got fired for gross misconduct! Yes. I'm glad I don't work with these people, and learning about narcissism and like micro management etc. I think my mind has been on overdrive for most of these years, just to avoid the negativity of people. But ultimately oh well, maybe it's. Urn out or smth. Now I'm unemployed and the only job, which can be any job, is one that I simply do with passion, so there is no wrong or right, no time pressure, no bosses who dont know your field, I think is important for me. To think someone without the knowhow is telling me what to do is triggering me so hard. And it feels like these people are earning more and also basking in your work and sell it as their own to higher ups. Its so painful. Soo I think we could be good bosses in these jobs, where we understand what we do and what we need. But getting into a passion, that can be turned into a job or a business is hard af. Love your vids and honesty, just a raw and nice person. I'm 80% sure I'm in the same ballpark. I started with NPD, going to betterhelp with the idea that I need to be healed from NPD; then autism, adhd, I found infp subreddit which is super positive, got into emotional neglect and now I'm here. So far most accounts if people with avpd resonate a lot with me.

Because of childhood trauma and life constantly throwing shit at me I've developed a personality disorder.

Familiar - the word you were looking for was familiar; or safer. You pretty much said what i thought you would say, I don't have APD, but i have CPTSD with passive aggressive and avoidance tendencies; along with chronic depression and social anxiety. So, i can understand what you're saying even if not to the same extent.

You're so pretty ❤ im glad i found your channel. You're way too hard on yourself. Give yourself a break!

Wow, these videos are really helpful in understanding myself and I thank you for making them. I also have only one friend and she is constantly validating but she recently got sick and hasn't been reaching out and I can feel myself doubting that she has ever liked me in the first place. I can feel myself wanting to ghost her but I am trying everything to not. I have left everyone, I tend to leave all friendships. I do have a job but it is where I work with people who have severe mental and developmental disabilities and it is easier because they dissociate and aren't even aware of me most of the time, and that is easier for me somehow. I think that if you could work in a field that does not have to do with interactions with others in a typical way, maybe that would be less painful. I know other people work in IT from home but also understand that just doing the interviewing is hard. The only upside I have is that I am autistic and know how to mask temporarily but one criticism will crush that mask so it's complicated. I also want to say that I totally understand you not working, I totally get it and I have run from the majority of my jobs, like on the job running out crying (and quitting) so it's a mountain of a task, to stay employed. I also want to add, and I am not sure if this is true for others but I have learned to be very validating to others, to be kind, because I crave it so much that I give it out in spades for other people and maybe that is one small silver lining.

Hey, I wasn’t expecting this - Day in the Life - vlog but I might have mentioned that this might be something fun to do. It was! Happy to see it. We should all be required to give you 5 minutes of our lives and vulnerability too. You have a nice home. I feel like I should have been giving you a bottle of wine, coming in. Let’s have a discord party 🎈 Lots going on. Wild kingdom! I think I saw at least 3 kids. Thought you were going to lose it on the cat or I was😳. I told you I’m not going to comment on your looks, but your hair was stellar at the start. It was just great. I don’t know what to say. You are real. At 8:12 cool moment with the sunlight coming in and showering you. I loved the drive, but I heard a loud thump. You don’t have to say but, did you take somebody out? The one neighbor? It’s ok 🤫 I just went to the store in sweats earlier and I was thinking. I’m that guy right now. Dirty shirt, didn’t shave for a few days, sweats, depressed buying 3 bottles of wine and a new larger 7 day pill box. Nice look Toe!!! Women just turn their heads away. Children ask their parents questions. Some born again Christian hands me a $20. 😭😭😭. But I made it back without any junk food. That was my compromise. No donuts Maxine 😔? I thought sunflower seeds might work instead of goldfish. Splitting them etc. Then art class!! But you stopped at the coating.😠I wonder if you ever continued. I know it would take up time. Plus you can’t give away your tricks of the trade. That was so great though. Explaining and showing something you enjoy. Nice large space. Maxine, no BS. You are naturally funny. Subtly throughout your videos you crack me up. “ Hello, I have cleaned the table.” 😊 What have I learned? I’ve learned that it’s ok to be yourself. Actually even better than the put on version. Even on a bad day you can forge out something great. Thanks for this. It picked up my spirits. You were great. Hopefully one day I will not be commenting on older videos. 🤷🏻‍♂️. Late bloomer.

hi, i just found your channel today and i just want to say thank you for talking about the struggles of avpd and sharing your own experiences with it, since 2022 ive been pretty sure i have avpd (haven’t been diagnosed yet) and your videos are helping me feel less alone and less ashamed of the way i am :)

This is so validating in so many ways. I have similar experiences and I'm glad to stumble across your video and vulnerability.

Maybe i shed the care. Its been years so thats a strong possibility.

Seeing other people look at each other when they know you're not looking is one of the worst. I have never imagined it, Ive seen it myself.

Hey, how are you Maxine? Just last night for a moment I thought about sitting down with my 7 year old self and getting out some toys and sitting in my room. That’s odd for me. Shifting completely out of this daily mindf’ing and go there. That would have been during the occupation not before it. I don’t have a vision of the before abuse period. Was there ? It’s too difficult to guess at what I would be doing now but I do believe I would have a singular identity instead of one of flesh and one of armor, battling. I’m sure I’ve brought this up but I’ve heard you mention a few times about being bullied in school, not traumatized as a young child. I hope you are just describing your history and not explaining how that can be equally traumatic. It is. I’ve had only a couple of bullied moments. Maybe one that was truly impactful. But it may have equaled the damage of my childhood. At 9 years old I realized that I could and was about to be killed and also that I could kill. Now that sounds f’d up because it is. That memory has never faded. So to have repeated bullying over time.? I don’t think I’d be here. I empathize with you sister. I believe trauma is what you carry not what was done. Getting back to that child and the things you mentioned is really the key. We treat a lot of the symptoms but not the core. You know that. It is under layers. Finding help and the method to do so also makes it difficult. If we could just heal the trauma we would. But yes, making peace with that part of you instead of keeping “it” a separate entity is the first step. 🌻 Oh!! Did you ever move forward with that Discord thing you mentioned. I bet you ran into some real goofballs if you did. There’s always that one, right !🙄😉💙

In many ways I am glad I have always been single, because it makes me have to go out and do something almost every day. I also get a feeling a partner wouldn’t put up with me doing nothing all the time, and I wouldn’t want to put that on my partner. Else I’d probably have the same schedule and it would most likely get worse over time I hope you can meet your goals

I have both autism and AVPD, honestly- I think that if you have Autism, you are all the more likely to develop this condition as well. The social rejection, the alienation- the feeling of being broken. All of those things, at least for me, have really been ingrained into me. Now I have AVPD, and it is a struggle every single day.

Thanks!

Im glad I came across your video. It was actually by accident. I was trying to look at videos about avoidant attachment style (my husband's attachment style). I accidentally clicked on this and I feel like Im listening to myself. I relate so much. I dont know anything about avoidant personality disorder, but have subscribed to your channel now and am interesting in hearing more. Thanks for sharing your thoughts ❤

16:36- 'gaslighting'- I think of it as, an all too common manipulation tactic, that may also form a cognitive-dissonance, not necessarily 'changing' your mind, or beliefs, yet disrupting the thought process of confirmation, or validation, of an objective reality - basically, causing you to continually stumble, mentally... A 'looping', repetitive, circular-reference process, that keeps you off-balance, and fatigues you - which also makes you more susceptible, to further manipulation... The CD (cognitive-dissonance), - is something like, what you emotionally, 'want-wish-desire'(what you 'want' to believe), bringing closer, in measure to what you may currently believe, yet in contrast to what you objectively observe (know_). - Basically, you were in a 2-person _'cult'...- I'm not ignoring aspects of AvPD (I have much more to educate my self on) - CD (cognitive-dissonance), is starting to look to me like an axis-point, for a myriad of otherwise, conditional-situations - to greater and lessor degrees and intensities... Bear in mind, that I'm coming from recent discoveries of CD, for myself; so it's quite likely that I may have some biased perspective (all the usual disclaimers, apply)... Thank you, for your time, and for allowing us on your journey, Maxine "It takes a village" Cheers-

4:49 - That's another interesting thing, that video, Ali shared, a short time ago (Discord) - we've heard of things like _"body-memory",_ and in that video, it's suggested, that the body _'is'_ the subconscious (or relates to that, more intimately?/perhaps a part of brain/gut), and why, when we _'know-better'_ consciously, and it's not merely a matter of _'will-power',_ we may still, be unable to correct our direction... and the subconscious, is long been _'programmed'_ to respond to trauma, and other extensive stressors - That _'knowing-better'_ does not, _de-program'_ that subconscious/body. Further still - may explain, why we feel (viscerally), very uncomfortable (if not panicked), just to be in a situation, outside of, OUR normal (adjusted/compensated) range, of place, events, controls...

I just came across this video. I was diagnosed with depression and panic disorder. Unfortunatelly, I scared of meeting people.😢 I don't know how to handle social situations. Even my English is broken. :(

Ok your inner monologue SUCKS. You are not a loser, you have been struggling. Remember, you are not your diagnosis and no one is "perfect" even if they appear to be.

Hey, this video was next on my list. I was dreading the topic. Lo and behold this is easily the worst day I’ve had as far as I can remember back. I feel more like the clips of the “1st attempt“ video. I tell ya. So I was glad to hear you talk about strategies to cope with these dark thoughts rather than the darkness itself. #1 It’s amazing how a dog will come to you when you are sad and even get upset itself. I would fake cry till mine would give up and start howling, kinda playing. Oh my gosh I think I do that with people! Cats? They’re like, I hope he gets better by my feeding time. 🙄 #2 You were explaining why you didn’t want it to seem insensitive. The fact you were talking and concerned about it shows your sensitivity. #3 reminded me how when I have a good day I try to remember everything I did the day before. right ? What I ate, meds if any, interactions, sleep etc. so I can repeat it. I never do though. 🙃 #4 3 naps today. Yes 15:25 cruel endless self talk. Was going to go to grocery store all day. Now it’s 10:04 and it closes at 11. Mad rush coming. Have to be quick here. Well thank you. I got a bit of good energy now from hearing someone else talk about the same kinds of thoughts. I still feel, ya I’m weird alright, but not freakish weird now ( for the moment). Bye. 🫶🏻