Avoidant Personality Disorder Explained

An avoidant personality disorder is considered a Cluster C personality disorder which is driven by fear and anxiety. It can cause a lot of stress and frustration in a person's life and in relationships. There is hope and ways to work through it though!
If you're looking for further help and possibly therapy to work through things with or as an avoidant person, please contact me here: jimbrillon.com/contact-me/
I am a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in the state of California.
I will work to help you integrate your past with your present and your mind with your body. My approach blends developing greater self-awareness with knowledge of how the mind and emotions work, to empower you to create change in your life. I strive to help you learn to better appreciate, understand and express your emotions. And I hope to lead you to self-compassion and a more mindful awareness of your life and lived experience. I want to help you build a life you love, with meaning and an enhanced ability to cope, adapt and thrive.
You can find more info below⬇
/ jimbrillon
/ jimbrillon

[@kingsagenda]

I just demoted myself at work. My pay has decreased by $3/hour. My anxiety was intense, especially in morning leadership meetings that I had to participate in everyday. I am going to miss the pay but I am much happier at work because my new job allows me to work very independently.

[@dj_bae]

So true the mistrust of therapists and thinking their empathy is false and just to placate you. I gave up on therapy because I realized I would come out of it feeling more distressed than before I started.

[@BetaBuxDelux]

Therapist “empathy” always seems fake to me.

[@heatherwiner2883]

This all fits me to a tee. I can not hold jobs due to feelings of inadequacy, having to talk to my superiors, can not even feel comfortable going to my synagogue I have been going to for over 10 years, and am unable to date at all. Been alone for more than three decades.

[@CursedWheelieBin]

It’s so frustrating that we made that adaptation, especially such an unwelcome one

[@sharonhearne5014]

I have an interesting perspective: once a very vibrant child with indications of sociability at a young age, I had early family members who loved me. At the same time I had a mother who was envious of this social success in me and who was physically and emotionally abusive to me. At aged four years I stood before both parents and called out my mom as abusive. Following that declaration on my part my mom could not accept me and my dad, in order to remain close to my mom, distanced himself from me. From then on in the family structure I was the lone wolf and isolated myself in order to stay out of my mom’s hateful line of fire.

[@Eyedocsri]

This was one of the most scientifically correct information about avoidant personality. And the empathy that you have shown towards them is encouraging.

[@Emma-fq9pv]

I’m an AvPD sufferer and agree completely. I’ve watched every video on the disorder available and this is the most accurate and informative to me

[@seriall1337]

@@Emma-fq9pv I completely agree. This is one of the few people I've watched, doctors included, who seem to understand and be able to explain it beyond the surface-level.

[@VS04]

Listen to Dr. Kirk Honda’s deep dive too. It’s hours long.

[@flowerchild3312]

So much of our personalities are shaped from childhood, Some avoidant personality traits stems from childhood emotional abuse Criticism / Being compared , Being told you can't do something it's to hard etc. Which causes low self esteem. The complete polar Opposite of being raised by parents/ family that overly praises brags and put's their child on a pedestal in some cases it causes narcissistic personality traits.

[@letsgoBrandon204]

11:16 - This gives me some hope. I've been through therapy twice now (NHS CBT for social anxiety disorder) so I know I can go and see a therapist and I believe I trust their professional opinions. Makes me think that my problems might just fall short of an AvPD diagnosis. I am sceptical of people giving me compliments though. It seems like they're just saying that to make me feel better when it's plainly obvious I'm a loser. It did take me over a month to psych myself up enough to actually contact a therapist about it though. Now that I'm actually talking about my problems makes me feel better about myself more often. Early days yet.

[@yarnpower]

I found this very helpful: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fJKWnoSkf9uSsJI

[@mariska2121]

Very accurate!! Thank you!

[@justanotherone9648]

I might have this.. I think am genuinely useless in social situations.

[@traceyfraser3395]

A-lot of good information to digest. Thank you.

[@flyingcloud9253]

Well said and very helpful! Thank you..

[@LMTaylor_]

Thank u! There's not alot on KZbin about this disorder!

[@ahmadmontaser828]

Very informative. Thank you

[@jessluck6583]

Amazing. Thank you!

[@brunettemouse3265]

Thank u for making this video

[@chiquitabee11]

More helpful than you think. Thank you for your input on this phenomenal issue with understanding n educating on this stigma. Love it🙏

[@Etoac]

Thank you, great video! Very rich in information and explained clearly! I‘ve not been diagnosed but speaks a lot to me, I recognize many traits in myself, since my childhood… this feeling of being inadequate also influences the way I work. I fear taking wrong decisions and it blocks me. Even slight provocation, rejection can disturb me a lot although I mask it. My traits pushed me into relations not good for me, I was naive with people, but this changed completely, now I am maybe overcritical and careful with relationships.

[@sushmitasutradhar4880]

Perfectly perfectly described 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🙌🏼 explain through exact information

[@ocpd23]

Hey this is great. Thanks for the clear and helpful explanation. It is frustrating to hear that complete change is not possible, and that coping skills are how to handle this whole thing. At least you are honest about that. I've met plenty of kids fresh out of school say the opposite. Thanks

[@gabrielavilla7308]

I think allowing my fears to be with me instead of constantly invalidating them and trying to push them aside so I can muscle through basic things is actually the way to go. Acknowledge that you don't wanna do something and let that be okay. Don't make it that "you have to want to do this" give yourself permission to go into it and affirm "I'm scared and I don't want to do this" instead of trying to convince yourself of the opposite... because all that is is invalidating yourself and making yourself wrong, which will just make you more fearful. When you affirm that you're scared and allow it to BE OKAY to be scared, you validate that part of you and make yourself feel okay.

[@louisskulnik7390]

I was required to attend a work party to get my Christmas bonus. I was angry and upset. I had my free food, and open bar drinks, and sat alone reading a book until I could get my check and get TF out. I liked most of my coworkers, but I couldn’t ever, ever, ever socialize outside of the structure of work. (I am a waiter in a very, very, very party oriented city and neighborhood. Parties make me cringe. I wish I could enjoy them, but things that make me happy make me feel embarrassed and ashamed.)

[@JTCT371]

This is me. Started when I was young. Could never do well enough, always compared to other family members.....Im in my 50s now and all of those memories are still fresh.....it was traumatic growing up that way. I havent seen certain family members for years, and only feel comfortable by myself. I no longer try to have close connections, as I know how I am, and dont think its fair to expose others to my point of view on things, because its not normal, and dont want to waste anybodys time.

[@meagain7669]

As a psychology assisstant with AvPD I'm often told why am I practicing psychology I should be getting therapy instead this has been destroying me for years

[@meagain7669]

@@gabrielavilla7308 thank you so much

[@irenenjeri8720]

My partner is avoidant and I love him balancing between being too close and giving him space is what gives me a bit of a challenge and being long distance relationship does not make things easier he has a lot of positive traits but I don't think he realises this. I would also like to know how to draw boundaries without making him feel rejected.

[@happygirl4490]

I'd be interested on your take on agoraphobia as a mental health disorder over just being a considered phobia.

[@marcusa2252]

How the hell do people with AvPD have a romantic partner? It's such a crazy idea to me. Especially a man. A woman with AvPD I can see having a partner because there's a high chance you have a lot of men pursue you. But a guy with AvPD being in a romantic relationship? That just makes no sense, with my experience with AvPD as a man.

[@bonnielee316]

I read an article on AvPD that said that these types of people can have many sex partners. How in the world could that be possible? Just getting naked would seem like a big problem!

[@BlueSkyCountry]

There is also a form of AVPD that is cynical and stoic. The person is not fearful or shy. They KNOW that they will get rejected or fail at certain things so they are like "why bother wasting time and effort even trying". They often have long, secure, and stable careers because they see no incentive to "move up" or try something new. Their mentality is "if it works out for me, why bother fixing it?".

[@williewonka6694]

Agree, I think people will eventually reject me, because they always do. I'm not setting myself up for the pain of rejection. It's better to be alone.

[@motulifelikefigures1987]

what if you actually get rejected over and over again? is it in my head or is it simply cause im not a person someone can fall in love with? i mean i behave like an avpd now but only cause of all my painful experiences with rejection. Does that mean i have avpd now? or am i just a boring person no one likes to be with?

[@timmywitty1432]

How is your hygiene? Can you make small talk? Best wishes to connecting with others, l can relate.

[@paulsmith6322]

I really think I have avoidant personality disorder, I used to think I had social anxiety but now I think it's more avoidant personality disorder. But I only have one friend and I'm convinced she has borderline personality disorder. She used to say extremely hurtful things to me and constantly threaten me but I have no life and no friends and am terrified of leaving her. Aside from that my absolute biggest most difficult problem with having avpd is finding a career I can handle and making enough money to even survive. I work part time at a warehouse that is killing me and I do doordash part time which is slowly earning less and less, and I live with my parents and still can't even afford my car registration or the taxes that I owe from doing doordash. I need a better way to make money but I have no clue what I can do. I know a big reason I can't afford things is because my friend takes up soooo much of my time and money but I'm terrified of being alone, and I know she has severe problems too and I would feel terrible leaving her because I'm afraid she can't survive without my help.

[@uniquedavenport]

Stop allowing people to use you first of all your fear is so big that it is being the front driver of your decisions which is NOT a good thing if you are a giver you need to learn boundaries with people that's a start just remember at some point you didn't know this so called friend and you were making out just fine right so why do you think you need another chaotic person in your life causes you problems?..that's not Loving you're self that's not making yourself a priority learn to say NO!..and yes people will be upset with you but guess what those aren't your people!...you have to start somewhere you can't just lay down and allow others to dim your lite and crush your soul that is NOT your purpose and you are NOT God YOU are NOT here to help fix others please get that through your head,you should also consider therapy good luck

[@bonnielee316]

Get into therapy. Or get self help books. Cognitive therapy would be good for you to try out. Is your friend taking advantage of you? Some people with personality disorders use people as if they were objects, like a toaster. Someone like that will worsen your condition.

[@timmywitty1432]

Save yourself!

[@chiquitabee11]

Thank you so much for this information. Can a person who was once considered “ social butterfly “ happy spirit, outgoing n daring become “ avoidant??? And if so? Can you please explain? You’re an awesome expert in your field. Very much appreciated. ✨💜🐝 4/29/2023

[@uniquedavenport]

Yes they can our attachment styles can change based on who we are around and our environments all those things play a roll In how we show up...

[@salvador8923]

@@uniquedavenportAvPD is not the same thing as avoidant attachment style, they are two different things.

[@uniquedavenport]

@@salvador8923 I know where do you see me saying it's the same thing?..I'm aware they are totally different..

[@batzeth]

Im a pusillanimous, a pathologic coward, i dont have a caracter at 32, i dont know how to live, im paralized.

[@seriall1337]

I understand how you feel.

[@timmywitty1432]

Push yourself everyday with one small thing that gets you out of your comfort zone. You’ve got this!

[@Magic0165]

It sucks 😔.

[@nikhilsharma-ns4xm]

I'm suffering from avpd. Lost all friends. Didn't have any female friend in life. Fearful to talk to girls. Even fearful to get out of house as neighbors will judge me as a shy, introvert guy. This judgement fear even makes me anti social. Just working most of the days from home and not going office to prevent social situations there. Now getting pressure from family for marriage. They see me everyday but still can't predict that something's wrong with me. I've spent most of my life in my small personal room. Extremely fearful to even marry bcoz i know if i get married, my wife will judge me as an antisocial, shy guy without any friends and this relationship will end soon. I am extremely fearful of my future. Now from few weeks getting suicidal ideations to end this pain.

[@theunwanted6122]

Lol one safe person on one is safe never have been never will be.

[@judihart9658]

😂🤭😎

[@bonnielee316]

Dr. Brillon, You asked if you missed anything. Yes. You missed one thing. Do they lack empathy? Meaning Avoidant PD only and not comorbid with psychopathy nor comorbid with narcissism and if so then clearly when they do the push pull they should be able to make a phone call to tell you, I’m not going to be able to make it or I’m feeling ill and need some time to hermit for awhile as I know that a person with an anxiety disorder has the ability to do this, that means, think about the other party and be responsible. My guess would be yes and if so, then silent treatment or ghosting your significant other without getting back to calls and texts, when specifically asked to do so, looks like a lack of empathy. Is it? The reason why I ask this question is because of other KZbin content creators giving this exact symptom as a symptom of AvPD and I along with people in the comment section think that it is, “ narcissism “, I call them narcissist/psychopaths or narcopath due to there being a cruelty behind their, “ disorder “. Meaning even weaponizing the NPD playbook as a tool. I think that it should be cleared up so that people aren’t misled if their significant other is not just AvPD but co-morbid with another or more personality disorder? Thanks! Great video!

[@RPe-jk6dv]

it is no pleasure to deal with an avoidant, especially if this person is rigid (anankasmus). these people are the most "stubborn" you can imagine. mad cowards, slaves who "love" their imagined chains who attack those who to free them but defend their false friends. the avoidants are sitting in an open prisoncell but they don't "want" to leave it.

[@miss_8thwonder]

That's what he explaining, they are overpowered by fear and the causes of it, they Do have need that never MET" & EMOTIONAL ABUSE, DON'T BE IGNORANT

[@miss_8thwonder]

I had been confinement for so long by so many narcissists elders and parents, so how could I have escaped

[@Magic0165]

These people.... hearing this hurts. We want a normal life so bad. But we can't. A BIG difference. Also, don't generalize people. You don't have a clue. We're not our label. One person with avpd can be totaal different compared to another person having avpd. So yeah...not very pleasant dealing with someone having avpd. That relative. Unpleasant for some. Now imagine having avpd.... I think people can't. It's destroying our lives. So far the unpleasant thing for you. Keep on judging and generalizing. That's why we avoid most people. It's confirmed again why.

[@Magic0165]

@@RPe-jk6dv i know. For us it feels real. But indeed...it's not objective and in our mind. That's why it's called an disorder. I know that but still it's difficult living with all these fears. If you still know this person. Learning about avpd and how we think, react could help you a lot understanding why. But one thing is sure. We don't love our chains, we hate them. We want connections and living without fear. Living isolated is damn hard. If I use kratom it helps me so much. I'm normal without anxiety. Sometimes I use it to not dissapoint others. Not letting them down. That's the last thing I want. Very frustrating cause kratom is for sure not a long term solution. It's not a voluntary choice having avpd. We're starving in the land of milk and honey. That's how I can explain it. Only thing I want is not living isolated anymore. But it's unreachable. Sorry to say.. But your comments sound a bit selfish. Also the way you talk. Humilinating .. Sorry I have to say that. You're taking like we're anti social. Thats something totally different. We crave for connections. A normal life and job. Seeing no one for weeks...the covid lock down. How did that feel? That's for us long term.

[@bonnielee316]

Does an avoidant PD lack empathy? Not an avoidant comorbid with narcissism and/or psychopathy? When an avoidant and only an avoidant does the push pull, does he ignore his significant others even if they are calling and texting and asking for a reply? People with anxiety disorder can call and cancel and can call and say, I don’t feel up to company. They have empathy. They have the ability to be considerate of others. Can an avoidant? Thanks!