Avoidant Personality Disorder & unemployment

[@friarpesel5646]

This is the real talk that hardly anyone is discussing, for some reason. Well done 🙏

[@user-mm5mr2gv7v]

Maybe try a book store. Im avoidant and have some sort of learning disability and ive lasted 20 years in various book stores. Usally their patient with things.

[@KotBlini]

Having any mental condition & being able to hold a job is a superhuman feat to me.

[@bradhernandez8841]

I work at a grocery store as a cashier and deli clerk and totally relate to what you said about the jobs not being hard but the anxiety associated with having to interact with people is just unbearable. It's like the emotional equivalent of pouring rubbing alcohol on an open wound over and over again.

[@dodge_ute]

I know EXACTLY what you go through at your job. You have to put on a happy face and pretend to be fine whilst enduring the daily torture. I feel for you.

[@tiquismistica9417]

hey, I'm in the same position, also working as a cashier, for 20 hours a week. Everyday is a new anxiety, but I believe that I can't do better than this. It's kind of depressing, trying to seek help because it's starting to hurt me.

[@heatherwiner2883]

Yes. Have always had a bad time with work. The last decade of working has been horrendous. I have had at least 20 jobs in the last 7-8 years. I live alone so I must keep trying or be homeless. I have never had any support in life so this makes homelessness more palpable.

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

I’m so sorry 😫❤️‍🩹 It’s so brutal, I wish there was a simple fix.

[@willyperez-ef4xl]

I wonder if you could speak with a social worker about this issue

[@GG-mu4wg]

Factory jobs are "great", you get treated like a number & forgotten about. Ahem, yes please!!! 😗 The trouble with an actual worthwhile job is climbing the ladder which involves scrutiny & putting yourself forward, then even after succeeding it might not be sustainable long term. For me, I've found some success with my own online business & while it isn't perfect, I thank jeff it worked out, because can't imagine what else I'd be doing right now. Glad to see regular uploads, keep em' coming! 😊

[@superanxietychick7035]

A year is the absolute longest ..Yep. Also a plethora of jobs lol, the only ones that I actually loved were the ones that were temporary and working with kids. Calling in sick , or leaving sick while there or just stop going and hide. Pure panic describes it perfectly, it's impossible to explain to others how some mornings you JUST CAN'T DO IT!!! Thx for this

[@dodge_ute]

The only job I could get as a teenager with a basic education was front line customer service. An avoidant little person who had to deal with hundreds of people per day. An exercise in guts grinding. It was either this or live in poverty as my family had done. One fear competing with another fear. After 19 years of this torture I was burned out, useless. Afterwards years on welfare. Eventually a disability pension. I guess I could say I have survived. I must be hard to kill.

[@49ilovemusic]

I kinda live on the AvPD Reddit lol. It can be a bit of an echo chamber but I feel less crazy there. Last year, I cycled through 14 different jobs. I was desperate for financial independence. My mom was annoyed with me and kept telling me to apply for disability. I refused, it felt like I was giving up on myself. 😓I ended up applying at the end of September. I wish I was capable.

[@amandasunshine2]

I have the opposite problem, I _want_ to apply for disability but everyone is telling me that means I'm giving up on myself.. except they're not giving me any help, so I'm just kinda.. stuck :/

[@49ilovemusic]

@amandasunshine2 girl, just apply. You're not giving up on yourself. A common situation I see is people like us not having the money to seek out the help we need. Getting disability could be ur 1st step to getting better. Unfortunately, u can't always rely on the people around u for help. They may want to help, but just don't know how. You should find a professional to help you.

[@handleisunknown]

I'm in a very similar boat in life. I know it must be difficult, but thank you for having the courage to share your struggles publicly. I believe we can get better if we just keep trying, although the loneliness, shame, guilt, and self-hatred makes it hard to remain consistent. Just know someone is out there rooting for good things to come to your life. Take care!

[@rikareader9315]

I feel so absolutely seen by this video, I genuinely want to show it to my loved ones to help them understand. I'm quite young (22), so I haven't worked too many jobs, mostly summer work. I recently graduated with an accounting diploma (similar to an associate's degree in the US I think? Idk I'm from Canada lol), and landed a job right away. It was 20 hours a week at a small company where everyone was very nice and accommodating. I thought that the part time hours and lack of customer interaction would be enough to make it manageable, but after the first 2 months I started to once again experience exactly what you've described - the unbearable dread knowing I have to go to work the next day, calling in sick frequently, the compounding guilt for missing so much work... Eventually led to me having two no call no shows in an attempt to get myself fired, and when that didn't work I quit. I'm currently considering taking an online program to become a medical transcriptionist. I would work remotely as a contractor so kind of like freelance but with a bit more stability. I'm worried about social isolation and motivating myself to work without an enforced schedule, plus I won't exactly be rich with this career path, but I think it'll be a job I can actually hold down and function with. Wish me luck!

[@staleyexplores]

oh goodness this is exactly where I am right now + we (wife and I) are pretty close to divorce (married almost 14 years)....plus I am having other medical stuff possibly being caused and definitely exacerbated by all this stress....I am so fucked, sorry for the language. I mean I'll be ok but the thought of being homeless is very real for me right now. no income, no insurance, maybe I'd have a car idk....just not looking good for me imho. i worked retail a lot and know the feeling of working while having panic attacks, doing everything I can to hide the sweat stains/rings on my shirts not to mention the stress sweat smell. Working retail during covid in 2020 and 2021 ruined me unfortunately, I think I lost my faith in humanity during that time. anyways....Idaho...oh goodness, I'm sorry. Wow your description of having to go to work is so on point. I had to alter my schedule to only work every other day because I'd be so worn out. Ultimately REI scheduled me 3 days in a row and I couldn't do it and I quit mid shift on that third day, well took FMLA which is essentially worthless for part time outside of protecting your job for 3 months. I also have a tuxedo cat, her name is fuego, she's a mess in the best of ways, extremely curious/mischievous. She is my buddy though and I'm glad to have such a dedicated friend. I have a masters and I think school was an easy way out for a while for me at least in terms of facing a 9-5 job...I question why I am so open here but then I see and hear your video and I see how brave you are and how brave I want to be to be open about who, how I am. I wish I had tips to help I think I just have to suffer through it unfortunately outside of medications/drugs. the doctors do absolutely nothing to help it seems. keep up the good work friend. cheers.

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

It does appear, unfortunately, that exposure therapy is the only effective strategy to overcome this 😭 It feels impossible, and I too, feel very fucked in this moment. But I’m rooting for both of us! ❤️‍🩹

[@staleyexplores]

@@anxious_and_avoidant when exposure therapy never gets better or easier....ugh....I do understand what you are saying and agree, I will soldier on.

[@roxstarb4129]

5:10 - So grateful for your transparency!! Although my administrator at my job doesn’t know about AVPD, she enjoys exacerbating the behaviors that she sees uncontrollably ooze out of me! 😞 (I.e. during staff meetings in front of those who hate me and admire me. I lose so many associates due to these acts! 🤦🏾‍♀️) I called out sick for a week I was so shattered on the brink of quitting but as a widow and a mom, that’s NOT an option!

[@ravenspace26]

The first interview I ever had as a teenager I absolutely BOMBED because I was so nervous and obviously didn't get the job. Thinking on the spot is definitely not my strong suit. As you said, I feel as though I would rather die than have to be interviewed which has put my life on hold for obvious reasons. I worked for myself for several years but burnt out and am trying to figure out what to do now. I definitely relate when you talk about how you know you're smart enough to do an entry level job and yet you also feel like you're not good enough to do an entry level job.

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

Yeah it’s so crazy how I know I’m smart and kind and have something to offer but at the same time feel like a complete waste of life 😅 But it kind of feels like I know the POTENTIAL is there, but I’m incapable of reaching it for some reason and so that nullifies everything good.

[@kgreene460]

When I was in college I studied molecular biology and I worked under sterile conditions and nobody could talk for fear of contamination. Also the hood had a huge fan that made a loud and very pleasant woosh. Excellent work for us neurodivergent introverts!

[@vickyauger2576]

OMG thank you so so much for this... That's exactly what I'm going through constantly with jobs... Just can't deal with the social aspect of it, like expectations that people have for me... Thoughts of work take over my whole life; when I get home I think of what I did during the day that was bad or wrong and I can't stop thinking of the following day, waking up and going to work again... It's too overwhelming for me and I can't enjoy life because that's all I think of... I don't know how people can work 5 days a week that's absolutely crazy to me.

[@t.a.yeah.]

Thank you for sharing your experiences! Feels good not to be the only one with such problems. I'm working for the first time in my life (besides 3 years of formation with school and work) and I'm so thankful I work from home most of the time and only have to go to the office once a week. Now I realize that working is not the problem but going outside and meeting people. I'm not lazy, apperently. :D I nearly don't have to talk to anybody, I just read and correct texts. Best job for me, even tho I could do so much more in terms of my potential, but not with this disorder and the other things I have (chronic belly pain, intolerances and maybe a light form of fatigue). My biggest issue now is that my collegues are like friends and meet in private, too, but I, after nearly one year, just can't connect to them and still feel like it's my second week. They don't know me at all. I barely talk when we're in the office and it's so stressfull every week. I even don't stay there the time I'm actually supposed to stay, but luckily noone says anything (I barly can work/concentrate there). But I'm starting to get the feeling that they maybe talk about me because I'm so awkward. At least I'm scared they do. There would be resons to do so. It's sad because I actually like them, they are very nice, and I'm scared that at some point I will have to leave, maybe because they like to have someone that talks more, is more socially involved, or because I cannot hide my shortcomings anymore and will feel too bad not managing to connect to them ... I'm sorry, this comment isn't good, but I don't know how to do it better. I'm tired now and have to sleep. Good night from Germany. Best wishes for everyone. 🌻

[@Besotted85]

Never was a big fan of weed, it seems to take my thoughts to an extremly dark place mentally! I always used alcohol, for 16 years (now 38) took a couple of years to get sober. Now it´s the best thing i have ever done. Now i can keep a job, and do my fitness. My mental state has changed SO SO much in the last couple of years. Much more stable in my mood than ever before. I did however get some help!

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

Good for you!! 👏👏👏 I know, I’m always shocked that I’m not an alcoholic because it helps me so much socially (and it’s my father’s vice) but luckily for me I just don’t like the taste and also get very sick hahahah. So it’s so easy for me to stay away from, with the exception of occasional drinks at events. But I definitely think breaking free of any chemical dependence is paramount in breaking that stagnant feeling!

[@markaoslo5653]

I'll simply _'nod'_ in understanding, today (self-check)... Not as a self-excluding, but because I haven't established the report, and trust - and, that I may be being a bit needy, for response, etc (I may be pushing some of the very _'buttons',_ by being inadvertently, _'demanding'_ ) - I will say, anecdotally, when I called in sick (or, was chronically late), I may not have had the flu, or a cold, etc - though, the stress, and anxiety, made me literally ill... so yeah... Cheers-,

[@Oliver_Bryan]

wish I could help with the work thing, but I really struggle with this too. Last job I had was a volunteer job and that was bad enough. At the moment they had said I can't come back till my mental health is better. I really hope you get some nice people to work for though. Will be praying for you.

[@LiveFaustDieJung]

I am bad with advice, but definitely don’t give up. ✨☀️✨

[@dumplingflatbread1919]

It is good that you make changes in life step by step, at times we need to make difficult decisions in life to change but it is better in the long run. Also, This might be too deep and a personal question, but have you ever felt suicidal or so depressed and hopeless that you feel there is no point and too hard? How do you cope with that?

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

Yes, I do. I’m planning on making a video very soon talking about what it’s like for me to go through those feelings and how I’m trying to help myself get out of it moving forward, but I definitely don’t have all the answers ❤️‍🩹

[@Oliver_Bryan]

You can do it, I believe in you. Weed free for you :)

[@superanxietychick7035]

Afraid to watch. But I will

[@kewewillson9986]

This is ssssoooooooo relatable

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

I’m glad you can relate but also so sorry you can relate 😅❤️ it’s brutal out here

[@nightmaremassacre4716]

Not sure if it's already been done but I'd love to hear about your childhood and points you think contributed to this disorder

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

I’ve only very briefly touched on parts of it but I was planning that for my next video! My villain origin story will probably be out Monday or Tuesday ☺️

[@nightmaremassacre4716]

@anxious_and_avoidant omg perfect timing! Looking forward to it 💕💕

[@phil8742]

Have you considered using your talents to make an ASMR KZbin channel?

[@anxious_and_avoidant]

This is so funny to me because I live and die by ASMR videos and I have thought before what a cool job that would be but I don’t feel graceful or calming enough in the slightest to be successful at that myself 😅