Bachelorette Parties: The Final Boss Of Instagram Consumerism

[@hollyclark4518]

I was chronically broke in my 20's due to this nonsense. I made a hard rule when I hit 30; I will only spend $500 on anyone's special day (all events, stay, and garments included) and not a dime more. If the requirement is more than $500 then I'm will not be participating. And even $500 is an incredible amount to spend on parties... This has been a great rule for me. It also has helped many of my friends (who needed to hear that number out loud) by allowing them to let the cost really sink in and then reconsider what they're asking of others.

[@nordette]

Thats a good rule, does it include the gift money as well? 500 seems almost impossible sometimes

[@inuhundchien6041]

Dang y'all rich. I'll not spend a cent

[@tashibalampkin8555]

That's a good rule.

[@avamartinez1220]

That’s a good rule. I’m spending about $2k on a good friend’s wedding (bachelorette weekend, flights to the wedding, bridesmaid dress, lodging for the wedding, etc) but I wouldn’t have the bandwidth to do it for anyone but a super close friend.

[@LoboLady2007]

I agree with you but I would limit my output to $50 for a gift for the couple!!! If the couple wants any more than they can go Fock themselves!!!

[@BrookeInTheSky]

I just lost my best friend of 15 years because I told her I couldn’t afford both her destination wedding to Hawaii and destination bachelorette to Nashville. She also was not going to foot the bill for any of the expenses for the bridal party. Weddings and bachelorettes have gotten INSANE! Stop 👏🏼 making 👏🏼 your 👏🏼 friends 👏🏼 broke 👏🏼 for 👏🏼 YOUR 👏🏼 wedding!!! 👏🏼

[@ljohnson1908]

The one Bachelorette party I went to was the best. We went to New York and crashed at the bride's sister's apartment, so no hotel expenses. We pregamed at her house and took a limo to a club. We had a private room with light fare. We laughed, danced, and took pictures. I think the entire night was $100 each. When I think of that night, I smile. I don't knock anyone for being extravagant, but I'm glad my friends and I are on the same page.

[@annabarr1304]

We all live in the city, so for my bachelorette party we visited my best friend in domestic bliss in the suburbs. She kicked her family out to host us, we had a bbq, then went to the local thrift store to pick up the most stylish ugliest outfits to wear to the one club. I can't describe the club except we were the oldest and everyone was much younger but had kids at home and lots of adidas. Best party, probably under 100 bucks, but we did go crazy at the club but it was caf

[@TimCornett]

I was a club comedian for a number of years and bachelorette parties have traumatized me again and again

[@RealSigmaQueen]

As a fellow comedian, I believe it is the expectation to perform your jokes at least semi-naked. At least that’s the expectation with bachelor parties. But I don’t know if I could survive that much laughter. 😂

[@missnoneofyourbusiness]

Just want to say: I've heard A LOT of stories of male s*x workers being literally abused in bachelorette parties. THAT'S WRONG. It's not funny, it's not ok just because they're male (or s*x workers), and I don't mean just literal r*pe: Touching when you're uninvited, taking their clothes away, throwing stuff at them...all of that is abuse. It's not the topic but it has to be said.

[@penname8441]

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[@dazedneptune]

Yes! This seems to be downplayed because women committed the assault when it’s just as wrong as a man doing it to anyone else.

[@Roll587]

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[@Roll587]

OMG that's assault!

[@ceciliab5409]

Exactly, humiliation and torture, that's really what is fun for them???

[@ananasvostel]

This is the reason I skipped my sister's bachelorette party. I had already contributed $5k toward her wedding expenses and hosted a Parisian themed bridal shower for her - all out of my own pocket. Plus I was her maid of honor. On top of all of that she was upset I wasn't willing to shell out the cash to join her and her friends in Cabo for a destination bachelorette weekend. I politely declined and told her that I felt that weekend should just be for her and her friends. She pouted and whined about how she wanted her sister to be there. But I stood my ground. At a certain point the expenses just become too much.

[@beeutifulsoul]

You lost me at 5k! You sound like an awesome sister!!💕

[@imalrockme]

A bridal shower AND a bachelorette party???! Are people going insane?

[@NalaS]

$5k? Oof 😢

[@luishp3]

@@imalrockme yes, yes they are.

[@lizzy-np2dr]

My husband and I had a combo bachelor/bachelorette party, since the ven diagram of our friend groups is pretty much a circle. We ate way too much pizza, drank way too much alcohol, and played dungeons and dragons for six hours. Honestly it was the best night of the whole weekend.

[@sylveonnn]

this is exactly what i want! it sounds like a good time

[@juliatheprettiful]

this sounds amazing!

[@juliacmendes]

you and your husband NAILED it!

[@AnnaReed42]

The perfect bachelor(/ette) party doesn't exi---

[@dideoluwaadebayo923]

And that is why your marriage will be successful for life.

[@supernova622]

I do a lot of thrifting and there's so much glittery tacky garbage from bachelorette parties that ends up on those shelves. No one wants your martini glass with a pink feather boa hot glued to the stem

[@aravisthetarkheena]

Before it even started, I said "lemme guess... it's several times more expensive than it used to be and instagram has made it worse"

[@avamartinez1220]

I’m having an 8-guest wedding (obviously with no bridal party) later this year and have absolutely no regrets!

[@lane6216]

I was in a wedding many years ago. The bride became very picky and controlling. I refused to do some of the specific things she wanted of me due to my finances at the time. She wanted us to have matching pricey jewelry, get our nails done, our makeup professionally done, tan a certain amount of sessions, and on and on. I was shamed by the others, and made to feel like crap that I wasn’t playing along. I vowed after that to never be in another wedding. And I wasn’t. I was asked, but I kindly said, “No thank you.” The marriage lasted less than a year.

[@imalrockme]

I'm so happy for you, on how that marriage ended. It proves she was being mean, not you 😊

[@lane6216]

@@imalrockme , yes. The validation was a nice aside. ☺️

[@dhanhyaa]

These are the kinds of people you should keep a distance from. To not understand your situation and then shame you for it is a sign that you’re better off without them.

[@amfondots]

Yikes!! I'm getting married this year and trying my hardest to not be a nightmare! The way I see it, the only thing that is absolutely required is buying the dress, making sure it fits, and looking presentable the day of the wedding! Anything else is 100% optional! If you're requiring anything beyond the dress you should pay for it, IMO! I have some girls getting just hair done, just makeup, both, neither, some not attending the bachelorette weekend and it's fine! Some people go way overboard.

[@lane6216]

@@dhanhyaa , for sure. We weren’t friends after that. I was in her wedding because I had grown up with the groom, and I was the only one picked by him to be in the wedding at all. He begged me to stay and help her out. He and I are still friends, though we don’t talk much anymore. I did it for him, and I don’t regret that. Glad he got away from her.

[@dazedneptune]

I don’t understand the point of bachelor/ette parties. “One last night of fun”? Do you stop seeing your friends or having fun after marriage? There’s also nothing wrong with occasionally clubbing or going to strip shows after marriage. Sheesh. People really make it like you’re not allowed to have meaningful friendships outside your spouse or or even look at the opposite sex after a wedding. 😬

[@ceciliab5409]

Completely agreed. I guess DECADES ago it was really the "last " single night out for people, marriage was different back then, but not nowadays.

[@savanahmandeville8182]

This makes me feel a lot better about my bachelorette party. I’m sober and when I quit drinking in 2018, my friend group whittled down to 3 ride or die friends. I got married in 2021 and my bachelorette weekend was very small and consisted of my three friends and some women in my family. We rented a cabin and had a wonderful time … very little alcohol consumed (and none by me, obvs). I had a great weekend and feel so grateful for the women in my life, but sometimes when I see the photos I feel like my bachelorette party “appeared” lame in comparison to the types of bachelorette weekends described. This video reminded me that how your life FEELS is so much more important than how it LOOKS. ❤

[@karendi9379]

I feel very similarly about GENDER REVEAL PARTIES which are a gigantic waste of money to me, for the hosts AND guests.

[@inuhundchien6041]

I'm ok with gender reveal if I don't need to pay anything, at most bring some food if it's potluck. Potluck party is always a good party.

[@sb1206]

These are so weird. Whats wrong with the baby shower?

[@laninadeazul]

​@ekl2947 it's so unfortunate because the woman who invented it regrets so badly because of what it became. Apparently she trouble carrying a child to term and miscarried before she knew the gender of the child. So her gender reveal was a celebration of reaching that point.

[@karendi9379]

@@laninadeazul damn I didn’t know that, that’s a shame. From what I’ve seen it’s become some weird patriarchal crapshow where people cheer for boys and pretend to cheer for girls, let alone the waste. Blehhhh.

[@karendi9379]

@@inuhundchien6041 potlucks are great and if done with minimal money wasted great, but the gross part is when I see people lose their minds when it’s a boy but then awkwardly clap and smile when it’s a girl. Like @sb1206 said, what happened to baby showers? If I get pregnant, I’m not telling anyone until they get a baby’s 1st bday invite 🙃😉

[@fmdollify]

I literally cannot relate to almost anything in this video at all, very grateful for my down-to-earth group of friends!

[@newp848]

Brides can be extremely entitled. Expecting friends to be bridesmaids and plan their wedding and make decorations etc. Wanting bridesmaids to buy a dress and pay for their hair and nails. Expecting friends to attend a bridal shower AND rehearsl dinner AND bachelorette party (often destination ones) then the actual wedding. I threw a large wedding and some friends volunteered for setup the day before but otherwise i did everything myself and did not have any parties or showers or dinner events. I dont know how people even feel comfortable to ask so much of their loved ones

[@Siures]

I even paid for my best friends make up as a thank you, because she was my „Trauzeugin“ (or legal reasons she signed the papers and in Germany it is traditionally the person planning music or games or the brides party). Everyone wore own dresses (in Germany only the bride herself wears a special dress) and made their own make up (if they wanted, some of my female friends do not wear any make up). Only expense: car drive to the location (home town) and wedding gift. I also think: if you invite someone all costs (but maybe for the way) are on YOU. Birthday, wedding or something else.

[@thatsmyjam6065]

My bachelorette party was watching father of the bride while I got a massage and relaxed with my friends. It was exactly what I wanted.

[@PandoraLockhart]

I once had a bride demand that I drop $1,000+ on her bachelorette party When I was unemployed. And she got mad that I went to her wedding as a bridesmaid rather than go to her bachelorette party which apparently was also as the bridesmaids who through a temper tantrum to organize it called it a dud. I am no longer friends with that bride after I found out the financial/emotional abuse she started just before the wedding and being an awful friend to me as well.

[@Justkelseyagain]

This happened to me as well!! I was super broke, in my late teens, and in no position to spend money on this “friend”s destination wedding. Our other friend had the audacity to tell me to take out a loan because this was a “once in a lifetime” event. Ya, not a chance. They’re no longer married and they’re no longer my friends.

[@PandoraLockhart]

@@Justkelseyagain Honestly, I'm just waiting for the day to hear that the groom who was my original friend leaves her and ends up with someone who actually gaf.

[@rachelwhitbeck2421]

I organised my sister's bachelorette in 2015, and she doesn't drink or do the whole weird phallus thing. She loved horses when she was younger, although she never learned to ride, so I organised for the bridal party to get a horseback riding lesson and then trail ride through a forest before getting our nails done. Super chill. My sister loved it. I have another bachelorette party, or hen party as they're called where I'm living now, and I'm kind of dreading it. It's for one of my closes friends, and it's not very expensive at all for a hen party. But it's still out of town and I have to put my cat up in a cat hotel because it's a whole overnight situation. It also sounds pretty boozey, and I don't drink. I don't want to be a chaperone to a bunch of drunk women, most of whom I don't know. Ugh.

[@memoi6458]

The horse riding lesson for your sister’s party is so beautiful and thoughtful. It’s wonderful that you did that for her!

[@cherryghost15]

I love having the riding experience! So unique and sweet! 🐴

[@lacyrussell7812]

It pays to have a small social circle. I thank heavens that I’ve only been to 2 bachelorette parties in my life and I’m almost 30.

[@laurenneely645]

I live in Chicago and had my bachelorette party here in Chicago this past year and I was amazed at the amount of people that would sympathetically sigh when they asked where I was having my bachelorette and I told them here in Chicago. I felt like I was being pitied and needed to justify why we weren't going to Miami or LA to so many people. That was what shocked me the most, it really is such an expectation now.

[@aaolk]

Something I was surprised that wasn't mentioned was people spreading across the country more than before. It's great if everyone lives in the same city as Chelsea mentioned, but with my college friends we're all over the nation. So nights on the town aren't as accessible as they used to be which is also a contributing factor to the expansion of these events.

[@SnidySenses]

This was our situation when planning my best friends bachelorette. She's in Vancouver, some were Ottawa, Toronto area and then others out in Florida lol.

[@arh1234]

So true!

[@droid2D2C3P0]

This! If the party itself isn't "out of town", most of the group is likely still travelling to the party. My friends are spread out across multiple time zones.. there would be no way to throw a party without the majority of us flying in for it. My friend was invited to 3 weddings this summer all a couple weeks apart, they're all in her home town but she lives a 4 hour flight away now, so forget even the bachelorette parties, she has to shell out money for 3 separate trips home by plane just to attend the weddings themselves in the span of 2.5 months.. one of them invited her to the bachelorette party in Mexico 1.5 months in advance of the trip, if she went it would be 4 trips in one summer for only wedding related events.. she turned down Mexico though much to her cousin's disappointment. It was just too much.

[@desertrose0027]

The friends in my wedding party were all over the country too. To add an extravagant trip on top of them already traveling for my wedding would be too much for me to ask of them, IMO. For my bachelorette we just went out the night before the wedding to a chocolate fondue bar. It was very low key, we got to chat and have some drinks and chocolate. So this explanation makes no sense to me. If they are coming for the wedding anyway, why not have it at the wedding location instead of making the wedding party travel a 2nd time?

[@marianneshepherd6286]

I'm from the UK we call bachlorette party's hen party's. I initially wasn't going to have one (the idea of going out and getting drunk just isn't me). But after a conversation with a friend, I invited some friends over and hired a masseuse who had a very reasonable rate (about £20 for 30 mins) then had the friend who was doing my wedding make up did like make up fun party with games. I ate chocolate cake, drank a little and was in bed before 12pm it was fantastic!

[@juliegolick]

I got married in 2014, when I was in my early 30s, unemployed (I'd just finished a contract job and hadn't lined up anything new yet), and most of my friends didn't have a lot of income. Oh, and also most of my friends were guys and I don't drink very much, so most of the traditional bachelorette activities wouldn't have worked for me anyway. I had an extremely unconventional bachelorette party, consisting of a local breakfast tapas place (delicious!) followed by a one-shot D&D game at a local cafe. (It was full of swashbuckling adventure! Someone brought me a toy parrot to wear on my shoulder! ALL the swashes were buckled, and I laughed SO HARD!) It wasn't a "normal" bachelorette party, but I was surrounded my friends and we all had a great time without spending a lot of money, and I think that's the very best type of bachelorette party.

[@jamillawebb3567]

Wow I’m so glad she covered this! None of these lavish events will guarantee that the marriage will survive. And then IG and social media culture makes the desire to flaunt wealth we may or may not have even worse. I’m so glad I never felt pressured by my friends to spend this kind of money. I want to live well and be happy and financially secure in my REAL life.

[@GoldenVulpes]

I wish I had this insight for my wedding when I had it. I wish I was more cautious about what I'm asking my bridesmaids to pay for.

[@Zm54321]

You can host a gathering for them in the neat future, thank them and give them thoughtful gifts, or cash if you can afford it. It’s never too late.

[@imalrockme]

@@Zm54321 Yeah, I was thinking offer them some serious gift or check when they get married or when they hit their annivetsary, to compensate when they went along with your party.

[@bethd.6670]

Got married in 2015. My bachelorette party was myself, 2 bridesmades and a trip to Ben & Jerry's (we live in VT). We stopped at the Trapp Family Lodge for drinks after, grabbed some pizza on the way home, and that was that. It was perfect.

[@katerinaschenke819]

I wonder if part of this shift from 1 night to multi day events is that people often say yes to attending a bachelorette party. Everyone is working now and has limited vacation time. They might not justify going on a friend's trip but will say yes for a wedding or wedding related event.

[@arh1234]

I agree. It's easier to justify taking the time that exact weekend - and it's planned far enough in advance that most can request the time off.

[@dj-veine]

I've worked at a club for the last several years and bachelorette parties are the absolute worst. Being in a city that has seen the worst aspects of upper-class gentrification hasn't helped either. They come in entitled, expecting free entry and drinks. Parade around the place traumatizing nearly every employee trying to get bar tenders, bouncers, and entertainment in games and other nonsense. They end up sucking the life out the evening for patrons as well.

[@sasamafrass]

Omg I hate bachelorette parties. I'm old enough to remember the pen*s everything bachelorette parties of the early 2000s and NO THANK YOU! I was a bridesmaid in exactly ONE wedding and the bride wanted a 3 day bachelorette weekend with costumes/themed days/nights and everyone had to sleep on the floor of a lake cabin and share one bathroom. Myself and one other bridesmaid that didn't go to the party were shamed for not joining in. Never again. When each of my sisters and I got married we all skipped the bachelorette party and all the other extra parties people have these days. None of our husbands had a bachelor party either. If you really want to be with the person you're marrying you don't need to celebrate "one last night of freedom". We all had simple, inexpensive weddings, I just don't get the mindset of throwing away a bunch of money on a single event 🤷

[@nicolewin4180]

I am getting married next year therefore I am having a bachelorette weekend in Houston. I am also in the military and certain military experiences bond you and your military friends like no other. My old military friends are now spread all over the US and are now parents as well. All that being said we don't get to reunite often. We see it as an excuse to reunite for a care free weekend with no kids and partners to have that much needed girl time. There is no urge to post it on social media, pressure to drink since a few don't even drink. No required purchase of matching outfits. I say all that to say it's an excuse for a girls reunion trip essentially 🤷‍♀️

[@maryp9923]

Wedding parties and destination weddings are so selfish imo I already feel bad having to ask people to take a day off of work potentially making them loose money I can’t fathom asking people to spend thousands on something that isn’t for them alone

[@PeukinsPoint]

Definitely agree with selfish. Especially if you don’t live/have family in the city you’re traveling to. WHY are you making us do this to celebrate you? 😭

[@thatjillgirl]

I only think it's selfish if you demand that people go. To me, an invitation is an invitation, not a demand. You can invite people to anything. You just need to be willing to accept that they may say no. If you want a destination wedding, that's fine, but you need to accept that that may mean some people can't attend.

[@thisisyourfinalwarning]

$10,000?! in this economy???

[@brookecarrillo3432]

My bachelorette party was amazing. A church member let us use their lake house for free and we just chilled in the lake all day. It was fantastic!!!

[@ZaydaFleming]

I was in 3 weddings in 2022, and fortunately 2 of the brides were close friends and one is a good deal fiend so they had a joint bachelorette party. It was in Vegas, we did all go to a spa for a treatment we each selected and booked for ourselves, and we did go to Magic Mike and pay for front row seats, but it was really very chill and a great experience. I don’t remember what I spent since air fare was the most expensive thing (thanks to my friend finding a freaking Best Western over a casino on the strip and us doing 4 girls to a room). Probably between $500-750 and I had a good enough time I don’t regret anything. If they had done separate parties or wanted to do bigger more expensive things I would have had to bow out. The 3rd bride was even more low key and didn’t have a bachelorette party - the whole wedding party just went out the night before the wedding to a bar for drinks and to play pool for a few hours.

[@SerenityWithSelf]

Just coming back from one, feeling like I might set some boundaries for myself in the event I get asked for another

[@khorwath91]

I'm very fortunate that majority of the bachelorette parties I've been to have supported multiple budgets and were all more like girl trips- wineries, one night out for dinner, painting with a twist... some even seeing a broadway show or just renting a house and staying there the entire weekend with a few activities. I'm curious if the increase in waiting to get married is impacting these trips. People getting married in their late 20s and early 30s. More of the group invited may have more established incomes (or at least may seem). It's also the generation that grew up on shows like MTV cribs and my super sweet 16, on top of watching the evolution of social media.

[@RENbby]

Interesting take. I agree!!

[@chrisd725]

I think the 'take the stressful job' advice is good advice if you plan carefully. I believe our chances to grow and develop get bigger if we take some stress in. It may not be ideal, it may not be the best way to organise our society, but it may be the ticket to learing important skills (how to deal with stress!) and get a few rungs up the career ladder. I second this advice with cautious planning.

[@aznandyroo]

I lived in Nashville for 6 years up until COVID. Witnessing all the bachelorette parties over the years was a lot haha

[@Micahlee_19]

I didn't have a big bachelorette. We did one of those wine painting events and it was really fun! However, my best friend had a big Nashville bachelorette party. For me it was worth it for her, but I'd never do it for anyone else in my life. I also live in Nashville and the choke hold bachelorettes have on this city is insane.

[@Moundfreek]

I once co-organized a bachelorette party where half the bridal party made good money (engineers) and the other half were getting by (biologist, librarian, folks working part-time, etc). The engineer side pushed for an expensive hotel, renting party buses, and the like. Hell, they tossed around a Vegas trip. I was the buzzkill who trimmed it down to barhopping in the swanky part of downtown and staying overnight at my apartment (close to said downtown). I didn't want to bother the bride with this (she would have been horrified--she respects different income brackets). But it sucked.

[@resilientbodies]

I can definitely relate to this. I’m in a close friends wedding, and the bachelorette party is out of the country. Between the resort and the flight, it’s about $1500 that I didn’t really have.

[@PeukinsPoint]

Out of the country is crazy.

[@mkaltreider5322]

We had a small wedding (42 people) last year and timed the bachelor & bachelorette date for two nights prior to the wedding - because that is when family & friends would be in the area. No matching clothes, the biggest expense was the alcohol but we timed it during happy hour deals. We all had a wonderful time! I couldn't imagine making friends and family pay for anything other than their own drinks at a bachelor or bachelorette party, they are already spending so much just to come to the wedding!!!

[@jbblue48089]

Thank you TFD for talking about this - I had no idea that bachelorette parties have become this phenomenon. My partner and I are planning to get married, so we’ll do what we can to financial expectations and wedding party expenses lol

[@cass1249]

I’m so glad my husband and I never did any of the traditional pre wedding celebrations. We also didn’t have a bridesmaids or grooms. We felt it wasn’t fair to expect our loved ones to have to pay extra money towards our celebrations. We kept our wedding small and intimate, no regrets

[@RENbby]

Very interesting take. I didn’t realize I had fallen for another good ol American capitalistic trick, but I’m actually very excited to go to Vegas and make memories with my friends. It’s my girl’s celebration whatever she wants is good enough for me! Maybe it’s because I don’t get out often, and live in a different state but memories are memories. I’m planning my bestie’s bachelorette party, as her maid of honor. I have become recently unemployed so I’m having the attendees vote on a variety of different price points for activities. I’m also bargain hunting for the deals. I think it’ll turn out really well! ☺️☺️

[@robynclarke1033]

This is a good way to do it IMO as long as everyone is on board! You sound like a good friend. I think the issue here is people being ignorant to their friends' situations and assuming everyone has/can get 1-2k for a trip, and there's little consideration for friends realities. But in a situation like yours, would be ideal, because there's effort for everyone's finances!

[@julissadc6303]

I didnt had a bachelorette because its the dummest concept ever, is not like you can actually do omething you wont be able to do after you get married, so i just didnt wanted to waste a lot of money just to party with no reason

[@imalrockme]

Oh, please, all that, super right! And I'm already occupying time, taking care of the dress, hair and spending money on a gift. No, what's so special?...

[@jennycook08]

I went to a bachelorette party across the country to Napa last year. I wasn't in the bridal party but was invited when one of them couldn't go. At the time of the event, I was between jobs, albeit walking into a very good job, but i hadn't made that money yet. I thought, okay I'll go but I'll be frugal with food, we're just doing one fancy dinner where we'll all dress up. Oh my god no. They wanted to go out to expensive meals multiple times AND the bride's sister INSISTED we split the bill evenly, even though I wouldn't drink during the meal and wouldn't order or share the appetizers. I had to make an issue out of it not to completely get railroaded and it was awful. Never, ever again.

[@flightlessphoenix77]

I've been to 4 hen do's, 2 were a night out with some drinking/dancing/activities with a small group locally and were really fun. One was a day of activities that really tied into the brides interests - dance, musicals etc (although it was a bit pricey!). The only time we did a weekend it was 4 people who normally do a weekend away together once a year anyway, and the travel was less than an hour from home. We invited the rest of the guests - mom's, sisters, other friends to come for afternoon tea in the afternoon. Recently a friend told me about what's been expected of her as a bridesmaid- 3 weekends away, lots of travel, themed outfits, expensive activities plus the wedding!

[@SophiaBracey]

This! I feel so heard! For my sister's hen do (english batchlorette party) she kept trying to frame things like how it would be 'great for everyone going' when its ultimately all for her, and that 'you get such a good deal for £xxx so its not that much' even though it would still be something thats costs £100's. When I told her these reasons made no sense she just said 'why don't I ask other people or our parents for the money' - I can't do that because I don't have the money to pay them pack with. It's made me incredibly resentful and angry about a day that should be about the union of her and her financé. Instead I'm now worrying about money.

[@lrro8485]

My 20's were a while ago....bachelorette (or "stagette" as we called it in Canada at the time) parties were basically just going out clubbing with your girlfriends, dressing maybe the bride up in a silly outfit, and drinking and dancing. No expectations for matching outfits, hotels, or anything like that. It usually involved going to see male strippers and we would be pretty loud and obnoxious, but it was pretty fun. Maybe someone brought a long a camera, but I have no pictures anywhere lol.

[@perthfanny3017]

This is what we pretty much do in Europe!

[@LadyDanielle02]

OMG YES.... I live in Germany, which is generally a bit more toned down when it comes to weddings, but even here this is a thing. I was invited to my sister-in-law's bachelorette, and while it didn't cost thousands, it cost hundreds, which is a lot for Europe (where food and travel just generally cost less). I originally declined because I was getting married in the same year and I was extremely broke at the time, but it was apparently so important to her that I be there that my brother-in-law (her future husband) paid for my share. I guess that's fair in that situation, but it was kind of embarrassing for me as well... Anyway, I'm especially glad you mentioned the effect that these parties have on the cities that they take place in. I live in Berlin, which is a party city and therefore a bachelor/bachelorette destination not just for Germany but for all of Europe. Party tourism is highly problematic anyway, but throw in a bunch of extra drunk groups and it's somehow worse. The locals don't like it, and it kind of sours people on tourism all together. I think if we all objectively think about it, we do want people to visit and spend their money here, but we definitely don't want them puking on our doorsteps....And I think it's definitely true that it sort of smoothes out the culture and the history of the place (and Berlin has a very heavy history...)

[@adelamichalikova8682]

Same here! I live in Prague - which is well known for bachelor parties and now increasingly popular for bachelorette parties as well. As you say, yes, any kind of tourism brings money into the city, but you just don't wan't people puking in the streets and shouting at 2 am under your bedroom windows... also especially as a dog owner, you really don't want broken glass from wine bottles and plastic gold confetti and remainders of some baloons and other single-use plastic things shattered all around the city parks where bachelorette party drunk picnics are increasingly popular. Yes, other people also leave trash, but bachelorette parties seem to be the worst by far.

[@dawnslight98]

Not me spending 683 dollars on a bachelorette party last weekend. ~sobs~

[@desertrose0027]

This whole thing is bizarre to me. I got married in 2007. Yes some people had expensive bachelorette parties then but it really wasn't the norm (more a rich people thing). My bachelorette involved all of us going to a local chocolate fondue bar the night before the wedding. My husband's bachelor was a little more, but no plane rides were required. I know there was paintball involved. The only wedding I've been a bridesmaid for was in 2012 and that was at a casino local to her wedding. There was a club attached and it got a bit pricey if you stayed overnight (I did not), but not $7000 pricey. And certainly no matching outfits required. I know Instagram is a big factor here, but I also wonder how common this actually is. We all know that the "average cost of a wedding" is inflated due to very high spenders, so this makes me wonder how often this is actually a thing in weddings these days.

[@emilymfv]

Regarding the marketing question, I thought that maybe they could reach out to a creator in book-tok (the section of TikTok that's obsessed with book related things). Maybe ask them to read it (as a PR package of sorts) or pay for a fair review Disclaimer: I DO NOT WORK IN MARKETING, I DO NOT SELL ANY TYPE OF PRODUCTS, I'm just a random person with an idea that could work-ish

[@samuelkronfeld112]

I was part of the bridal party at my sister's bachelorette party. We took a class with a milliner to make fasteners, went out for AYCE sushi, a drag bar, and ended with karaoke. It was great and I'm glad that my sister had no interest in an extravagant wedding.

[@lyssg.8638]

I got married in Feb. 2020. I was FT student & my husband & I had home parties for bachelor/bachelorette and my Mother helped pay for the food. Didn’t want to burden friends, I even helped coupon bridesmaid dresses 😅 The one extravagant thing we did pre-wedding was a Wedding shower where kids could attend bc we had an overall child-free wedding and it was at a local park I grew up by. Seeing things online I’m blown away know the likelihood of how expensive it all is 😵‍💫

[@ninasteine1052]

I belong to a generation and to a culture for which if you invite people to celebrate a personal event of yours, you pay for it, everything; if you cannot afford it, well, maybe you can accept some help,but taking for granted that celebrating your personal life is worth thousand dollars of your friends sounds so arrogant and, sorry, so American

[@TheSantaMaria1]

Nashville resident here, which is the bachelorette capital of the USA now haha. Very interested in this topic!

[@Lashlove16]

Such a great topic Weddings are just blown out of proportion.

[@kibaanazuka332]

Every friend who's worked gay bar or nightclubs says they dread the nights Bachelorette parties show up for Drag Queen shows or a night out, as they are often the worst patrons ever along with no respect for queer spaces by said parties. If you want to come and enjoy the drag show, you're welcome to do that. Just remember that you are still a guest in our space and to not make a fool of yourself in said space.

[@whenhen]

When I was single and going to gay clubs, I despised bachelorette parties because they seem to think that gay men are just there for their amusement, and gay/ bi women shouldn't exist. Some of seemed offended by the idea that a lesbian might be hitting on them, as though they didn't realize that gay clubs aren't only for ripped shirtless men, but also people of other sexualities and genders.

[@otsoko66]

I'd go a step further -- please don't do your bachelorette party at a gay bar. Just don't. Unless it's two women getting married, then WHOO! Yes!

[@beingveronique]

I honestly wasn’t even going to have a bachelorette party because my wedding was already destination. A friend surprised me and a few other friends with a trip to NY and several events planned. It was a blast but I don’t think it’s necessary. I was grateful but yeah. They can get super expensive really quickly.

[@RENbby]

Such a nice friend!!!

[@ChapstickChunx]

I am so sick of bachelorette parties and I have only been to one! It was in my college town 10 years ago (before social media fully took over). It was very fun and I looked forward to the next time I would be invited to a bachelorette party. Boy have things changed since then. The next one I was invited to was during early COVID, so I didn't attend. And the next after that I also missed because it was going to cost $3k.. Thanks for covering this topic again. It cannot be said enough! These parties are absolutely ridiculous lately. My bachelorette party was 2 hours away at an extremely affordable Best Western hotel. It was super low-key and less than 48 hours because I didn't want to ask people to take off work when they were already dedicating their weekend to me. We had a blast. I would never consider going into debt or expect anyone else to go into debt just to attend a freaking party. And that's literally all it is.. a party (despite what the wedding industry would have us believe).

[@feylights166]

Thanks for answering my question, Chelsea. You have given me some things to think about.

[@Claudia-lv2pm]

I attended a bachelorette party in Nashville last month and 5+ of the locals. I talked to seemed happy to to have us there, and had no problem with the party tourism coming in. I think the greater evil is the short term, rental, leasing compani side hustle, Airbnb empires that are taking up the valuable housing stock in the area. I think if Airbnbs were more regulated, then the local economy could continue to thrive from the tourism and I don’t think bars are as bad as casinos. It does provide jobs for people. Our party bus bartender/safety person said she also worked as a stripper and said she preferred the party bus job

[@silvialopez7157]

My Bachelorette party was inviting family and friends to my parents house and we all made flower crowns that were then worn by us all at the wedding the next day. I purchased all the supplies and my mother in law brought many more supplies she had on hand.

[@jamilafever8110]

I've always thought it to be odd to ask your friends and family to put out so much for YOUR wedding. Im actually quite grateful that I've only been asked once to be in a bridal party. And at that time, it was stressful financially so I decided then that I would likely decline future invitations.

[@michalpitowsky]

Thanks for the tip on book marketing. It's so true, so much of the work goes into that.

[@DixonFrancoisJr]

Destination bachelorette parties: Expensive trends marketed as mainstream.

[@imalrockme]

I was thinking that about traditional bachelorette parties, and specially the destination ones. If you're uber rich, it's ok, just another prolonged weekend or week in some place having fun. If you're not that rich, it really hurts having to say yes, instead of sepending that money on a trip with your boyfriend or family :(

[@purplew93]

I'm having a low-key bachelorette party this summer. My two closest friends (who both live out-of-town but not that far away) are staying over with me for a night and we (along with a bigger group of friends) are having a beach day and a big seafood dinner. That's it.

[@Femmagorgon]

My best friend was in a wedding that had a huge engagement party, two bridal showers, two bachelorettes, an out of town venue, and a number of wedding prep events to put together centre pieces and other decor. The bride expected all of the bridesmaids to attend everything, even the bridesmaids who lived out of town. The maid of honour and one of the other bridesmaids (both of whom were financially well off) kept pressuring the other bridesmaids (who were all in more challenging financial situations) to cover all the bride’s costs and purchase a bunch of additional outfits (that they would never wear again) for all the events. Luckily, I was able to lend my friend some of my clothes so she didn’t have to spend as much on the additional outfits. All the bridesmaids were responsible for paying for their own dresses, hair and makeup. The bride had very specific requirements for how she wanted their hair and makeup and what accessories they were expected to wear, which again, they were footing the bill for not the bride. The whole thing cost her about $2500 and the bride who is normally a sane, reasonable person went into full bridezilla mode. It’s not reasonable to demand that much time and money from your friends for YOUR special day. Most people end up attending numerous weddings between their mid 20s to mid 30s and often have multiple weddings to attend in a year. The costs really add up and it sucks because the financial stress that comes with being part of or attending a wedding can take away from the celebration.

[@Siures]

At my bachelorette my friends rented a little vacation home for two nights (they cost about 35 € p. P., for Americans: that’s pretty cheap) played board games and went to the lake to relax and made a long walk in the forest. Loved it. For fun photos Someone had a few glasses and fake wigs with her (borrowed from her mother who is teacher). It was the only time we spend a whole weekend all together since school and this was really special. I wish we would do this more often - without a wedding nearby. I think my friends feel the same. Edit: in the next bigger city there is a street you cannot walk on a Friday night without meeting a bachelorette party, drunk selling condoms. I hate the oversexualisation, alcohol pressure and it is just about embarrassment, not about having a good time with your best friends. Would never join such a party.

[@telgrannatwilliamtrades]

👋👋

[@ifetayodavidson-cade5613]

I think the lack of partner dancing has to do with the culture you belong to. Salsa dancing is popular worldwide, for example.

[@jlbnerdy]

Part of the reason I don't like going to Nashville now is these parties for sure, and we live just a few hours away. My Bachelorette party was seeing new kids on the block with one of my bffs & dinner & drinks before it.

[@QueenSis13]

Bachelorette parties have turned into entire weekends. When planning mine, I felt pressure to have an entire weekend event. On the flip side, I live in a different state from my friends and sisters, so turning it into a girls weekend was a no brainer so I can spend quality time with them. We’re not doing any bride tribe bs t shirts or cowboy hats. There’s a spectrum for these things, and you’re definitely highlighting how the majority of people treat these events, unfortunately. I paid for all the decorations myself, I’m driving us and will pay for the gas, and got everyone welcome bags with things they would actually use. I paid for my portion of the Airbnb, but the girls came together to pay for my portion, I didn’t ask them to do that but appreciated it! My portion was an extra $54 per person. I have 5 bridesmaids.

[@lisawise4204]

I was pregnant at my first wedding so a bachelorette wasn’t going to happen for me, but the couple bachelorette parties I’ve been to were fun and low-key. A high school friend hosted dinner at a Thai restaurant (we paid for our own food but it wasn’t pricey) and then we hung out and played games at a friend’s house. And my sister had her bachelorette at a bar where everyone just sat and talked over cocktails. The one wedding I was a bridesmaid in was for my childhood best friend who didn’t drink and wasn’t into any of the traditional “bachelorette” things so didn’t have a party at all. I think gathering your bridal party and friends for drinks and dinner or brunch is a good idea but the multi-day trips, no thanks!

[@akankshakay1892]

And imagine cultures like south Asian in which the weddings are days long too. I get bachelorette trips but also don’t. It really does feel like it’s all for pictures and social media. And thank you for bringing up the alcohol intake because I do not drink and being in those settings are torture for me. I won’t be having a Bach trip myself if I get married and I will be declining any future invites tbh even if it’s family

[@minnie9649]

My group of friends has taken the direction of the bride/groom hosting (paying) for their own bachelorette parties

[@NGS93]

Based Chelsea. Always providing sound and down to earth financial advice to men and women!

[@Uncle_Smidge]

My people are nerds; hubs and I each just had quiet hangouts with our friends. I did work some night shifts downtown and the parties we did get were generally loud but very sweet and tipped really well. The frat boy groups, however...

[@katrinaa980]

honestly I kind of love a bachelorette trip, it’s not very often you get an excuse for a girls trip. but I also have no problem saying no to them and have never been to one that’s been too out of control price wise.

[@portalomus]

Had a friend try to pressure me into an extravagant multi-day bachelorette party and shower and 3-day wedding several states over and then another follow up wedding several months later. Yes she wanted a whole second wedding to marry the same guy. It would have cost me well over $3,000. I declined, and really try to avoid her now.

[@haleymist09]

Follow-up wedding???

[@portalomus]

@@haleymist09 unfortunately yes

[@Siures]

@@haleymist09I have friends who did it because they are from different states. BUT they do not expect the German guests to travel to Italy for the second one and vice versa. They just make it that also the old grandparents and old friends from their home towns can attend. The people scattered through whole Europe can decide where they want to go (if the want to).

[@haleymist09]

@Siures oh ok. big family distances makes sense. A wedding in either Germany or Italy sounds lovely! (I'm in the US) I think OP's friend just wanted 2 weddings 😁

[@sarahtomlin6310]

my fiancé and i have been together for over 5 years and we are having a destination wedding with no bridal party because we didn’t want anyone to feel obligated to come or pay for anything. all our friends are couples and celebrating “the end of single life” just doesn’t make sense since we haven’t been single for almost a decade. we are throwing a joint pool party in our city just to have fun with our friends and celebrate getting married. i think it’s been perplexing to some people but it’s perfect to us

[@princessdyn]

The unfortunate city of Nashville that involuntarily became the bach party city of America

[@maeganmchugh]

I was in Savannah a year ago, and apparently it’s a hot spot for bachelorette parties. In the historic district they were always riding the pedal pubs. You hear them before you see them.

[@Sarah-uj4oj]

Answering that question about book marketing in detail was the best free marketing for her own book!! well done!

[@kawaiiperson]

I'm planning my own wedding and have already decided to do the more "traditional" bachelorette where it's just a night/day out on the town. It's just a lot more practical for myself and everyone else. I think the destination bach's are fine, but people need to really differentiate what's possible vs what's fantasy.

[@freshfreshfreshfresh]

I love Amanda’s investing course!

[@jordanp7480]

One thing I will say is a lot of people don’t have the luxury of having all there friends close by to plan just a one night out event. My friends from college and I live all scattered throughout the country. It makes more sense to do a destination bachelorette party over a weekend for us bc people are more likely to travel and attend a multiple day party. So if I’m going to fly somewhere anyways, I’d rather go somewhere fun, easy to get to, and where I’ll get to see old friends I havent seen in a long time that live far away. In a way, it makes it more accessible for out of town friends.

[@CrystalRicotta]

These events are exhausting. The stories I could tell 🙈

[@valeriehowden471]

My former work place had bachelorette parties however they were all budget friendly within the city. Usually a dinner followed by an event the bride would be interested in and they were all different. A night cruise, limo to a dance club, pole dancing lessons and night with a fortune teller. Perfect and creative without the idea that the more it costs the better.

[@tashibalampkin8555]

Pole dancing lesson for a bachelorette party? That's sound pretty awesome. I'm stealing that.

[@_.-ana-._]

A weekend bachelorette party I went to once had so much single use plastic, I felt terrible. When I was a brides maid, the maid of honor asked for input for the bachelorette party and I said please no, or minimum, single use plastic.

[@beyondthefilmfatale145]

Glad that when I was in my 20s, this wasn't a thing. I did have to pay for outfits that I never used again being a bridesmaid. However, if I was going out of state for the wedding, the bride and groom would have me stay with them. My niece is getting married in Scotland and I won't be attending due to the cost. The alcohol consumption that you described on these trips is concerning. Honestly feel really bad for all the younger people being bombarded on Instagram.

[@Lizem-nd2yr]

A hen party as we call it in UK is a great excuse to have a holiday with friends (especially coupled up friends) and if optional and reasonably priced it's a really nice idea. It's all the enforced activites and excessive drinking that make it ridiculous.

[@Bleppity]

I felt very strongly that our wedding needed to be primarily paid for by us. We don’t have family to help. We had to tailor and scale back as a result, but it was worth it. We paid for every activity with guests only responsible for optional gifts or travel if they were not local.

[@Pursuitofhealthwealthhappiness]

Could not agree more with the absurdity. I actually know of several people, who didn't have a "proper" aka luxurious abroad Hen/Bachelorette party due to COVID or COVID related issues, so they had their parties a year or two after being married! Despite having a perfectly acceptable "staycation" Hen/Bachelorette weekend. This was not deemed good enough and they and their friends spent THOUSANDS to ensure they had THE Bachelorette party! INSANITY!

[@EbonyHoopGyal]

I miss my city so much. Hurts so bad that local natives are hated there.

[@MoneyWise007]

Omg.. love u Chelsea.. love ur content!! Saying it as it is!

[@Jillianrc]

I suffered through a few expensive and drinking-heavy bachelorette parties in the past, but since I’ve become a mom, it would be an immediate no from me. My tolerance for bullshit has just disappeared with motherhood. When I got married, my three closest friends threw me a lingerie party and brunch and I was home by 3pm. It was my ideal situation, I don’t know why we need these multi day vacations with people I don’t really want to spend time with in the first place.

[@Tokixkitti]

I was never invited to any sort of wedding party in my 20s or 30s 😅. I guess I saved and didn’t have to stress over these sort of parties. Also probably the “friends” I did have really weren’t my friends and actually didn’t like me as a person. 🤷🏻‍♀️ but I saved a lot of money though. 🙃