Bad Parrots

This new audio set-up should hopefully quell the complaints that on my previous laptop I was starting to sound like a man shouting up from the bottom of a well. I'm still fine-tuning it though so please bear with me as I'm old and loathe technology 💀

[@BSA_Airgunning]

I gave my parrot a furby 💀💀

[@Matt_Rose]

WHAT a recipe for disaster 💀💀💀

[@jamesthebirdman9412]

If nobody hears from you we will all assume they teamed up to commit a murder.

[@lamhw]

@@Matt_Roseparrot + furby = the ultimate recipe for chaos and destruction

[@kingpog9399]

Oh God.

[@Hello_I_Have_Appeared_]

NO, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

[@littledreamerrem7021]

The last one ("Choo-Choo, Motherfucker") is one of my favorite stories from Reddit. Bless that old man and his parrot train.

[@Yeah_You_Thought]

Yes that was hilarious 😂

[@matheusexpedito4577]

The most badass bird ever

[@smorrow]

Is that where the phrase choo choo motherfucker actually comes from? (I don't think I've ever heard it outside of reddit, so yeah, could be..)

[@TheCaptainAmelia]

Birds are hilarious

[@LovelyLara123]

That parrot really said 🚝🚝🚝🚝

[@Haley-ne6or]

The fact that Matt can pronounce literally the most insane gibberish, but can’t do an Italian accent is hilarious to me

[@sophiegrey9576]

Of course he can pronounce gibberish, he lives in the country it comes from

[@samuelblack7314]

So you're telling me that my dog could sit on my laptop and he'd still be able to pronounce it?

[@Haley-ne6or]

@@samuelblack7314 yes

[@CigarettesOutTheWindow502]

I want him to read, maksmakaakaosjsybsgxnwjmksamaozmkamnskanakqoaksmwnsnsjw

[@aksGJOANUIFIFJiufjJU21]

@@sophiegrey9576 briish

[@giuseppeworldwide]

I love the idea of a random parrot staring into the mirror with a smug look just saying " g u a p o... g u a p o.."

[@rancholotl3384]

i have a feeling that parrot knows spanish

[@jimhat278]

​@@rancholotl3384for me it's filipino

[@boofy1347]

y apuesto que si es muy guapo :)

[@TheCaptainAmelia]

Bird certainly thinks highly of itself

[@isitsweet9567]

Though I love watching videos of parrots, I've only seen one, a budgie, in real life. He screamed "pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty bird!" constantly while gazing in the mirror.

[@PickleNick7008]

i love the idea of parrots having accents. Would love to hear an Irish parrot

[@rosesheartzalt]

they exist, in ireland

[@arthurmartin4616]

I know it isn't quite the same, but have a scottish parrot: kzbin.info/www/bejne/f5OcnKN_eb-liJY

[@junoniathesilkwing4221]

Wild parrots have parrot accents. Different members of the same species but from different regions sound slightly different. It’s most pronounced in monk/Quaker parrots, which have been introduced to a great many regions outside of their native Argentina. They’re quite cold-hardy, enabling them to survive in cities as far north as New York and London. And these different populations of Quaker parrot have different accents from the ones back in Argentina.

[@GemCandy]

Not Irish, but there's a video of a Scottish bird named Onion on yt lol

[@TinaODriscoll]

Yo make it say spuds

[@RhyzVids]

I like the idea of a parrot accidentally flying into a mafia base, being stuck there for a few days eating little bits of crumbs etc., then escaping, flying to a police station and squawking “BIG TONY IS GOING FOR THE SENATOR”.

[@aromanticfranziskavonkarma]

Cue Ace Attorney style parrot cross examination

[@berhonkusbardledoo]

NOT BIG TONY!!!

[@anthonybenci9035]

PW:AA Anyone?

[@kewoshk]

Every time an Ace Attorney fan sees a parrot video, their eyes shine with excitement 😄 I am one of such people 😄👍

[@Rayneworld]

I forget the details, but there are legit parrots in Witness Protection which is hilarious to me.

[@ToastyNoneofyourbusiness]

Fun fact: Corvids like ravens and crows can talk, too. And they are even better at mimicking people than parrots, to the point where they can sound exactly like a person. A famous example is Fable the raven on KZbin. She normally only says things like "Mwah," "boop boop," or "Hi, Fable" in a near identical voice to her keeper (British accent included). But one time while she was in her enclosure she heard a distant rooster call and exclaimed "what the f*ck!" Other animals with remarkable mimicry include beluga whales who have told people to "get out" of their tanks, lyrebirds who can mimic everything from chainsaws to laserguns, and one seal who managed to mimic the speech patterns of a man who he bonded with.

[@nefer-trebeledfomp-4129]

There's also a recorded case of a margay cat (which is a special cat) that tried vocal mimicry in an attempt to catch prey. It didn't get any of the monkeys it was going for in the end, though.

[@jeansherwood2428]

In the book Bird Brains, a book about corvids, is a story about one wild raven living near a construction site. He learned to say, "3 ....2...1...KABOOM"

[@tsifirakiehl4250]

Someone should teach a raven to say “Nevermore,” and do a reading of “The Raven” with the raven reading its part.

[@guesswho2778]

@@nefer-trebeledfomp-4129 I swear my housemates cat can say my name

[@ZenoDovahkiin]

Starlings, too, specifically mynas are known to be parrot-tier or above at speach.

[@damond4346]

i used to live with two housemates who were a couple. one of my birds learned to mimic the sound of them going at it. every time he starts mimicking the moans, i go, "bowie, NO!" so now my bird starts moaning and then tells himself "bowie, NO!" now every time those friends come by to visit, he starts moaning. he associates them with those noises.

[@Chaotiv]

oh wow. i cant imagine what it's like to wake up to that.

[@archeeery]

the parrots name is bowie? thats cool

[@TheCaptainAmelia]

Oh dear, how embarrassing

[@SuperSimpForTheStars]

thats it im taking the bird away

[@thrwwyaccnt123]

​@@SuperSimpForTheStars degenerate

[@BreadChess-ic1yc]

Step 1: get a parrot Step 2: train it to say "I'M GETTING USED TO THIS BODY!" Step 3: take it in a public place Step 4: profit

[@matheusexpedito4577]

Alternative mimic: "This feathery body is limiting"

[@deathrobot10k58]

Or… “Help me! A magic man turned me into a parrot!”

[@libraeevee9467]

“(Insert your name here) when will you reverse this curse that you cast upon me?”

[@func_e]

i took care of a parrot for a while and one day he spontaneously broke out into a long flowing melody I've never heard before. it then quickly devolved into demonic screeching

[@thecrepeofdeath]

that's about as well as that could have gone tbh! my family petsat a parrot one time and it took a chunk out of grandma's hand

[@func_e]

​@@thecrepeofdeathgoodness me

[@YeprilesteR]

It's like that story of the musician that made a deal with the devil to hear the world's most beautiful song, but only while it lasted

[@func_e]

wut@@YeprilesteR

[@Barakon]

That’s a parrot alright.

[@arch3r_istired]

my grandma's parrot used to yell at her dog, so you'd just hear "DAISY!!" at random. now daisy has been cremated, and he still yells at her ashes. she still can't catch a break 💀

[@dxrkmxrchangel]

poor daisy 😭🙏

[@bananewane1402]

This makes me want a parrot but at the same time I know they're basically flying toddlers and need constant attention and stimulation or they go mad and pull their own feathers out.

[@benji_and_the_tomatoes]

i’m sorry but flying toddlers is a terrifyingly funny mental image 😂😂

[@squishyparrotlets]

@@benji_and_the_tomatoes “Aw, your birds are so cute! I want one!” My reply almost every time: “NO. You DON’T. Imagine owning a VERY clingy forever-toddler made of glass THAT CAN F*ING FLY. That will be your life for the next 20 years/ or the rest of your life depending on what species you get.”

[@lukaz20001]

Don't forget the sometimes 90+ year lifespan

[@Hamza2_7272]

@@squishyparrotlets the parrots are made of GLASS???????

[@squishyparrotlets]

@@Hamza2_7272 Their bones are literally hollow

[@kestrelynn]

Apparently my grandparents parrot would fanatically swear, a lot and aggressively. There were suspicions of where the parrot got this from until one day they overheard the postman swearing

[@TheCaptainAmelia]

Birds today,amirite?

[@lauraholmes2402]

My friend had a parrot. They were the kindest family ever, and I never knew them to swear. One day the bird, which usually said things like ‘I love you’ and ‘are you my pretty bird?’ Threw her water bowl on the floor with a hard clatter and then yelled, ‘oh for fuck’s sake’. Apparently that was her way of saying her water bowl was empty.

[@Danka42]

My friend has a grey who learned to mimic his voice when talking to his dogs to make them stop barking. There were also attempts to teach her some nursery rhymes which backfired horribly when she decided the best way to improve the songs was to sing them in a deep, demonic voice. At 2am.

[@tsifirakiehl4250]

I just want you to know that this was so hilarious that I choked on a peanut butter cup from laughing.

[@Danka42]

@@tsifirakiehl4250 rest in peace 💔

[@ShuckleII]

Dogs are the most genocidal and violent animal on the planet

[@frostywing8941]

​@@Danka42 reeses in pieces 💔

[@At0mic_Asteroid]

When I was 7, my sister and I were playing outside and at one point she went inside the house. As I was waiting, I heard a deep voice chanting “Rocko, stop that” along with other phrases you’d typically say to a dog. Naturally I looked into our neighbor’s yard, but no one was there. What made it creepier was that one of the neighbor’s four dogs were even responding to the command. It wasn’t until I looked in the dog’s direction did I see the parrot in a large cage being the source of the chant.

[@Donkey_Glossolalia]

Never engage in any sexual act within earshot of a parrot. They can recreate ALL sounds.

[@Birbzz]

ew

[@Brikiboi69]

Lol

[@TheCaptainAmelia]

Oh good lord

[@leonardorolingstella8554]

Who needs to watch porn when you have a parrot, they already record everything

[@catbatrat1760]

@@leonardorolingstella8554 AHAHAHAHAHA! XD

[@tamasjambor8668]

As someone who loves birds and spends a lot of time on pet bird subreddits, Matt Rose doing a video like this is basically a dream come true.

[@Ussonan-Foderation2016]

I'm the 100th like🤗

[@cerbera_22]

Same

[@slappygurt]

how lucky, the perfect opportunity to make something about yourself!

[@maltancrusader]

as someone who exists, matt rose making a video where he too exists is a dream come true for me.

[@citrus_sumi]

same here!!

[@mattie5111]

some of my parent's friends who were like grandparents to me used to own an african grey named toto. he knew how to open his cage and get out into the rest of the house and if you'd ever walk into the living room and see him missing and ask if anyone had seen him/ask "where's Toto?", you'd hear a distant distinctly parrot-y screech from somewhere in the house saying "TOTO'S NOT HERE." also when you'd cover his cage to go to sleep at night, you'd be subjected to a good couple of minute's worth of "night night :)" on repeat iirc

[@angi_dth]

I taught my friend’s parrot to say ‘of course we hid the body by the dumpster’ while they were gone, best decision ever.💀💀💀

[@ratman1125]

Calm down, Satan

[@jane63093]

my family owns an entire aviary of like 15 budgies but the oldest and first one we got is a little guy named Perky. He's the most intelligent bird we've ever come across, and he's such a joy to have around. Anyway, one of the most common phrases in my household is "would you like a cup of tea?" and when we had Perky inside the house he started to say it. It became part of his vocabulary and one night I got up to get a drink of water, I passed by his cage and heard a small voice say "cuppa tea?". It scared the hell out of me (I was half asleep) and it took me a sec to realise that there was in fact no weirdo inside the home and just a young budgie chittering away at 1 in the morning.

[@ZolaClyde]

Awww, so cute and sweet, though I can understand how his timing might be startling. :)

[@SolveThisMurderIn60Seconds]

Bro's British

[@orionsarrow1025]

Volunteered at a parrot sanctuary once - Most of the birds came from families who didn’t realize how long their lifespan is, but some were rescued from abusive homes. You’d hear the normal “pretty bird” and squawking from them, but occasionally a cuss word would rise out of the crowd. Then there was that one bird who screamed “HELPP USSS! GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY!”

[@mr.x2567]

Humans are absolute monsters.

[@Voc_spooksauce]

Oh how nice

[@N3bu14Gr4y]

Bird brain needs to make up its mind

[@liamzakhaev]

@@mr.x2567 to quote a biologist: "Dolphins are a whole lot more infanticidal than the average animal, though, and slaughter other, smaller dolphin species because they trigger the same baby-killing instinct. This is especially true for pygmy whales, whose corpses often wash ashore covered in dolphin bruises. Dolphins, from their perspective, literally run across mysterious pods of babies out in the middle of nowhere and think "welp, these gotta go"."

[@PuzzledPiece]

@@liamzakhaevyeah but they aren’t the same as us

[@40leavanny29]

Last year while I was visiting family in the states, my mom stayed with my lovebird, a tiny mango of a bird. One day, she was walking her dogs and forgot to close the cage. Next thing you know I woke up with a message of my mom telling me that my bird was chasing her around the house when she found him walking around as if he owned the place. And he was chasing her with the intent to bite. A bird the size of my hand chasing my mom.

[@40leavanny29]

The bird is ok but I ended up learning that he doesn't like my mom.

[@Shy_Artist26]

My mum had a budgie and a fish when she was younger. Her bird would look into the fish tank and say “fishy wishy”. No not just fish but fishy wishy. That is the cutest thing I’ve heard a bird say.

[@Princess.Kathleen26]

My grandmother has had a parrot for almost 20 years. Once when I was around 13, we had some friends over at her house and the guy wanted the bird to climb onto this shoulder. As he leans in closer to the cage, the bird proceeds to say “Come on. Come on. Good boy!” And then gets in to the guy’s shoulder.

[@Firestar-TV]

🤭 He tamed the Human

[@ucantSQ]

I've noticed this is a way they communicate. They say the lines they've heard you say, like when it's time for bed, my neighbor's bird says, "Goodnight, Barley." It's like call and response.

[@biggizmo5771]

last year I attended a zoom tour of a bird sanctuary. When we got to ask questions, I asked if parrots can understand The words they say, and if so, To what extent?? Apparently, they can be pretty damn good at figuring out what words mean and when to use them.(bear in mind, it can vary from individual parrot to individual parrot. some of them are smarter than others.) In fact, when the facility has routine inspections, there’s at least one bird who will shout stuff like “they don’t give us water! Help! They torture us!” ect. Just to be an asshole.

[@mabithebard]

Oh yea they very much understand more than you'd think

[@daisvki3206]

When I come back home my cockatiel says "hi" or when I give him kisses he says "gimme a kiss". They are so smart

[@genericname2747]

Birds can be so mean

[@Redmeteor200]

I once saw one at a Petting zoo that would constantly say LET ME OUT!!!PLEASE!!!"

[@atlantic85]

When my dad was in the Navy, he served aboard HMS Lancaster. And aboard HMS Lancaster, they had a parrot. Now one day, they held a dinner for the Duchess of Lancaster, who happened to be the Queen. The parrot was there too. As a joke, the Queen asked the parrot to give a speech. However, the parrot was originally kept down with the stokers, so rather than say “Pretty polly,” it spake a string of expletives it had probably learnt from its original owners right in front of the Queen.

[@JackChaosMaker]

Now im imagining the queen being quite surprised by a cursing parrot, tbf if i was there i would start laughing 😂

[@D0VEGUM]

my friend has an african grey and one of my favorite stories of his shenanigans was when she was working and he kept asking her what she was doing, she answered with “i’m working” every time he asked. this went on for a little while until he decided to just tear down his cage like absolutely go ham at it. when she asked what he was doing the cheeky bastard answered “i’m working”

[@chrisc6857]

Growing up, I was always told the story of how my maternal grandmother used to keep parakeets. At one point in time one of my aunts was dating a guy named Phil who another aunt always called a jackass. So one day someone looks out the kitchen window to see him pulling into the drive and says "Phil's here!" to which the bird immediately and loudly declared _"PHIL'S_ _A_ _JACKASS!!"_ The funniest part is, everyone laughed and the bird never said it again.

[@Tanzles]

I got two cockatiels; one talks, one doesn’t. The one who does talk has said some very strange things. But the most memorable one was when I was getting dressed and I just heard him do a wolf whistle before saying, “Can I have a kiss?”

[@erikcat2.036]

Did you give him a kiss?

[@Tanzles]

@@erikcat2.036 Well… he did ask nicely, so yes.

[@thejimmydanly]

Went to the grocery store yesterday. When I left, I heard a car alarm. Of course, I immediately went to check if it was my car. It wasn't. It also wasn't anyone else. It was a mockingbird in a tree right outside the exit, and it would start every time someone left.

[@theatricalhorseschlong]

I had a budgie growing up who was really smart. Because I grew up in a household where swearing was commonplace, he started swearing all the time. He was very attached to me, and because of that, he’d always call me 'bitch' lovingly. He’d call everyone else: 'motherfucker,' 'fucker,' and 'cunt,' including my dog. He knew every swear word. RIP lil man. Still miss you after all these years

[@reginaldthunderfuck4832]

I imagine the parrot calling a class of children shit heads went over well. Parents would've hated it, but if I'm a 'small child' and I hear an animal swearing that'd be the best thing ever.

[@overallcorrectly]

I always forget that Matt looks like a wish version of Gordon Ramsey that is hungover

[@overallcorrectly]

thanks for the like ♥, for clarification I didn't mean it in a bad way

[@Matt_Rose]

@@overallcorrectly Nah you're spot on, I cook like a hungover wish Ramsay too!

[@TEC_Black]

@@Matt_Rose stop lying we know you're an alternate universe gordon ramsay

[@glebglub]

so Jamie Oliver?

[@Kagtalso]

who?

[@Tama-1313]

Our family friend had an Indian blackbird. Once while he was watching his tv, he suddenly heard in the other room sounds very similar to stoves and plates crashing on the ground. Turned out it was the bird that learned that sound somehow

[@ohshctrash1410]

My cousin Carolin used to have a bird that could talk. I was pretty young when she had it, so I never heard any swearing stories, but I do remember that the parrot could call the dog, and it would drive him crazy. Carolin's mom has a truly ancient little dog named Scottie, and the parrot would say stuff like "Scottie, treat" and he'd come in the room to find (of course) no treat, and start barking his head off at the bird.

[@BenChurchill76]

Friends of mine had an African Grey and they didn't really attempt to teach it anything, but it picked up her husband's bad habit of belching and swearing while watching TV. This bird got it down so well that we couldn't tell who was the one belching! It was hilarious.

[@RandomGirl.RandamuOn-nanoko]

Yeah, my dad got an African Grey as well (who has passed now) and he learned to mimic both of my parent's burps. VL

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

We had a budgie that used to imitate the house phone and text alerts, and also the name of my brother's workplace, which he wasn't amused by 😂

[@RandomGirl.RandamuOn-nanoko]

@@ShintogaDeathAngel Lol, we also had a Senegal that would imitate the house phone to wind up my Nana. VL

[@softsnowypaws]

My quaker parrot has learned to imitate my two cats so now it's like we have three very, very loud cats that love to scream, with one of them screaming an octave higher than the others.

[@Cometstarlight]

I'd never own one, but parrots are the coolest creatures. My aunt had one and over the course of a year or so, I got to be really good friends with the parrot (Pepper). He loved calling everybody "pretty boy" and he definitely had that maniacal laugh. We bonded though to the point where he'd scream for an hour after I left the house. Anyway, he had a weird lexicon, like he'd say a phrase one time and then seldom say it again (if ever). The weirdest one was, "Would you like fries with that?"

[@midnightstracktwo]

6:01 is the FUNNIEST shit ever. as someone with an Italian mum whose household is also full of swears… I am now imagining what it would be like to have a parrot LMAOOOO

[@TheKosstImogen]

My brother has a rescue African Grey, and their old flat was on the route to and from the work of a guy with verbal tourettes ticks. Dante, the parrot, soon picked up the chap's clicks and whistles etc so at the exact time the guy was walking past every day, Dante would go to the window to try and "chat" with him. Unfortunately you can't see to the upstairs window from the street so he thought there was some horrible twat in there mocking him! After a few weeks of this he kinda snapped and started hammering on the door, totally ready to have it out with what he assumed was a nasty bully... Thankfully, once my mortified brother explained that it was a parrot, the chap fell about laughing 😂 After that he'd always shout up a hello to Dante on his way past, wholesome! *edited because I annoyed myself by saying "the guy" repeatedly and using too many exclamations 😅

[@aikotitilai3820]

Wholesome

[@Meela9088]

The parrot was a bully haha

[@richiehoyt8487]

Poor guy sounds like he was on the point of snapping!

[@genericname2747]

Good ending

[@n8dawg612]

I want matt rose to do a tongue twister video anyone else

[@Matt_Rose]

Good idea! I could ask Omegle to make some... 🤔

[@autumn_sunday]

There are 2 breeds of omegle spawn. 1. The one who answers... correctly? "Sally sells sea shells on the seashore, but the value of these shells will fall. Due to the laws of supply and command, no one wants to buy seashells, there's loads on the sand!" 2. The reddit answer, diverting the question into a different answer. "Uh Um We are _wet..._ wait-"

[@j_cannot_type]

​@Lizii_Hotaru nah

[@oddcrafter1270]

Hell yes! :D

[@ComicKing-h9v]

To quote the song Free Wind Rider; YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[@MelodicAscent]

Most of my parrots don't talk, but my lesser sulfur-crested cockatoo, Chico, says "Hi Chico, night night Chico, peekaboo, hi cutie, love you (which sounds suspiciously like f*ck you)" But my favorite thing he does is laugh. He has a wicked cackle and understands humor, so he times it super well xD Especially fun when we're watching horror movies

[@TheOverlordPepper]

I once had an African grey and he’d SCREAM my older sister’s name in the middle of the night. My older sister was his favorite person and he’d learn it’s her name from my mom always screaming at her when she got in trouble😅

[@itsmeartist4506]

Getting home from school and relaxing to your videos while drinking a smoothie is the best thing a person could ever experience.

[@Sans5YT]

Damn you got school?i got holidays rn.

[@itsmeartist4506]

Lucky you

[@lamhw]

relate

[@Sans5YT]

@@itsmeartist4506 its for this whole entire week lol

[@mrs.samuel.L.jackson]

I got exams coming up in two weeks. It's 4am and I have just finished 13 brownies.

[@wefegfddssantredsfhgefdas3091]

My parrot learned how to open her cage one night. I almost shat my pants when I woke up to her on my chest calling my name in a soft voice,then kissing me on the cheek. And also we taught her how to knock on doors,so every time she wants attention she flies on someones head,knocks it,and says "KNOCK KNOCK??" in a very angry voice

[@lynnclaywood4043]

The Rose Mic Rare item + Be able to pronounce any typos, emojis, or lovecraftian gibberish with ease + Extraordinary comedic timing - Removes your ability to sing, do half of all accents, and speak in a Siri voice - 1.5x weakness to Furby damage

[@alexismyers6053]

My aunt got a cockatoo from a friend. I was there when the cockatoo and sun conure were dropped off. The cockatoo talked and seemed super friendly, so the next day, she was playing with her in the bedroom upstairs. I woke up to “hello, pretty bird, *wolf whistles*, *laughing*” and was excited because I had never known anyone with a parrot of any kind before. So I went in her room to see the bird and my aunt invited me to sit on the bed with them. I did and we started talking about the day. As we talked, the burst started climbing up my arm. Now, I’m overweight and always have been (working on it) so my arms are… thinker. So the arms of my shirts were tighter, especially towards my shoulders. So when she bit down on me while climbing, I thought it was an accident and my aunt and I laughed it off. She made the most evil laugh and my aunt and I joked about that, brushed it off as just sounding that way because she has to use her beak to climb and had a mouthful of night shirt sleeve, before going back to what we were talking about. By this point, she’s on my shoulder. She starts swaying back and forth like she’s about to do a dance… then she attacked me and bit my lower eye/upper cheek. My aunt got her off of me and the Damn bird started doing that evil laugh again. Since she didn’t draw any blood, she was put away and I got dressed then my aunt took a look at it while explaining to her husband what happened. He was upset the bird would do that un provoked. A couple weeks to a month later, she went back to the people my aunt got her from because she wasn’t adjusting well. She started ripping her feathers out and making herself a bloody mess, refused to eat, and just screamed all day. So attacking me may have been the first signs of her being stressed, idk. I just know I hate anyone named Bianca now because of that bird lol I also saw a video of a bird who learned how to make Alexa “fart” so he started adding eggs and farts to the grocery list.

[@dragonheart9400]

We used to have a parrot that loved to say "What" in various ways. My mom used to get annoyed and say, "Thats enough from the peanut gallery" He eventually started to yell peanut at her when she started to say the phrase

[@0_dearghealach_083]

If I recall, peanut gallery is where high seats are located in a theatre. Like, cheaper seats. I.e. for peanuts.

[@TheGreatThicc]

Every week my uncle comes to visit my grandmother that lives with us and he brings his African Grey named Curly with him. He's taught her a few things like how to swear, how to greet people and answer some basic questions. A year or so back I came down to say hi to the bird while the rest of the family was down with them and walked in saying "Hey Curly" and waving to her. In front of my mother, grandmother and uncle she looks at me and says "You're a dumbass" paused for three seconds then did her interpretation of laughter. I to this day still don't know how to process getting mocked by a bloody parrot.

[@sholamakinde430]

dont african greys live to like 90 years? that bird is spitting on your grave

[@TheGreatThicc]

@@sholamakinde430 60 to 80. She'll definitely outlive my uncle and probably whoever he leaves her to as well.

[@KenkuCry]

One of my most liked comments was on your video "Twitter thinking they were on mute" where I talked about my parrot ominously chanting my name (what she does when she wants attention), so I felt like this was the perfect video for me! I'll share another funny story: My parrot met my family for the first time shortly after I got her. What I did not know was that my sister was terrified of parrots (particularly parrots, she had been fine with other birds, no one knew she was scared of parrots). My parrot was very excited to be with everyone, so she took off and landed on my sister's head. Everyone burst out into massive laughter and then my sister started screaming. I got my parrot away from her, but now, even years later, my parrot starts screaming like she's being murdered whenever multiple people start laughing or when she gets very excited.

[@adriennecloeter7394]

Parrot was like okay that's the sound one makes when they are excited. Core memory locked.

[@reptilechurrasquero9048]

my grandma's parrot just looks at people and says "oi gay" on the most chill voice ever

[@thatonemaybe999]

Wrong. Good parrots.

[@TheLemonKidd]

Ik it's not a bird, but my old cat learned how to meow in a way that sounded like "hello" whenever he wanted attention "Mrrrr-owww??" Very smart boy, RIP Oskar I still miss you

[@QueenFreak13]

I've got a kitty that can say "hello", "Mama", "no" and "out" lol Sometimes it's like he's actually trying to have a conversation 😅

[@MutantXAngel]

My first cat used to do that too, only for him it sounded like "hewwo?" - and he'd only use it if he was looking for us at nighttime

[@TheCaptainAmelia]

My cat Max can meow in such a way that it sounds like he's saying "ham"

[@PWeb89]

My parents had a grey, he learned to say what are you doing. On day we had some friends come in to pick up the piano, while we were gone. They were quite upset though when someone kept saying what are you doing? However, they soon realized it was the bird! 😂

[@jswayne7546]

The parrot in my house used to scream my name and my brother's, imitating my parents'voices to confuse everyone. She stopped doing it, but she also has it in for our pet rabbit. She will lunge at him, but he knows he's too quick for her. She also wants to use his cardboard box hideout as a nest and attacks you if you try to get her out. She also came to us already having learned to make a screech that sounds almost like a fire alarm. We have to explain that whenever someone new comes to the house.

[@TheFluffyTheropod]

As a parrot owner, seeing this vid brings me immense joy! But also as a parrot owner, here’s a few of my own contributions. My green cheek conure Spec chants ‘I’m gonna getchu’ when he’s mad, meanwhile laughing maniacally, marching around and biting anything that moves, especially feet. He has three types of laugh, all of which are horrifying and two of which mean he will attack. My eclectus parrot Crim says all sorts of things, but the weirdest has got to be when she says stuff like ‘bloody hell’, and ‘I tried I tried I tried I tried’ in the voice of a demonic sounding man (there are no men living in my house), as opposed to her usually soft, sweet voice. Also the word ‘apple’ is banned in my house unless there is one getting given to the birds, as if she hears it, she will start saying it over and over until she gets it. She also yells out ‘what are you dooooooooing?!!!!’ and lots of her own made up variations of it, as well as peekaboo. She says ‘peekaboo’ differently almost every time, generally something like ‘peekpeekpeekpeekabooooooo!!!’, constantly adding more ‘peek’s. Similar thing with ‘pretty bird’, where she could say up to like 15 ‘pretty’ before getting to ‘bird’.

[@aikotitilai3820]

Your green cheek conure spec seems like a feral feathered gremlin (don't tell him I said that I don't want him to track my location and bite my feet)

[@adamk.7177]

The "I tried I tried" thing is so freaking funny

[@Firestar-TV]

😂

[@Idkpleasejustletmechangeit]

The first one is a psychopath and the other one is possessed by a demon. Interesting.

[@CoraCreates]

Both sound hilarious anyhow. Would love to visit (And maybe also scream apple at the top of my lungs)

[@extinctoart]

My mum has bred cockatiels for a while. She had one called Banjo, amazing bird, very sweet and very clever (his wife'sname was Bananas). He used to whistle 'Waltzing Matilda' and the theme from the Andy Griffiths Show. He taught his son Henry everything he knew, except Henry was not as smart, and mashed the two songs together and would NOT stop singing them. Now she has some little prick called Bambam who says 'scratch scratch?' And puts his head down to be gently scritched, but it's a trap and he bites you

[@daisvki3206]

My cockatiel does the same thing, he wants scratches but also wants to bite your finger

[@desperado3236]

I noticed this too with my cockatiels. You give head scritches and theyd like it one moment and try to bite you the next. I think they have a prefered manner of head scratching, that they seem to change on whim.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@desperado3236 sounds like some of the cats I used to know!

[@Doofindork]

This one made me cry-laugh, because the phrases birds say can really come out of nowhere and catch you off guard. And they are usually so extremely unhinged, it's impossible to hold back laughter.

[@bombdotcom2168]

I once fostered a goffin's cockatoo and he woke me up once because he was scared of a spider that had wandered it's way into his water dish. He did a lot of strange things, but the funniest he's done so far in my opinion is probably when he began to scream and squawk about birthday bread. I still have yet to figure out what he was talking about. Also why is a cockatiel saying "Hello Mr. PoopyHead" so cute-

[@tarvitz]

Hey Matt, quick mic tip: Hold it further away from your mouth, and talk louder As a rule, louder = better, until the point where you're starting to shout Make sure you have plenty of water on-hand, as it can dry out your throat, among other things

[@GigsVT]

what about npr

[@W0B0N]

​@@GigsVTWhat about prison meals?

[@RealOverclock]

​@@W0B0NWhat about the droid attack on the wookies?

[@toastertime5640]

@@RealOverclockwhat about transgender hormones?

[@islaizzy]

@@toastertime5640what about true crime docuseries?

[@carved_cuts]

Here's my additional stories: My quaker Kiwi (over used name I know) learned what "come here" means but doesn't exactly know how to use it correctly. So he'll yell "come here! Kiwi come!" at his perch when it's too far away. Or he'll say it to his food while he climbs his way to his bowl. He also has the low manly voice thing, which he uses sometimes to practice words or mumble unintelligibly. He's invented his own version of "human speech." He'll mix random consonants and vowels of our language together to make new words. He will speak whole sentences made up of these "words" and applies tone perfectly. (He goes down in pitch at the end of a sentence.) He likes to sprinkle in some random, actual words he learned too. Recently he's learned how to apply the tone of a question, followed by that of an answer. So he'll go: "De de ki good bo kikiwi? Heh? ... doopepe ohh boy bye." When the phone rings he'll do impressions of my mom's "Okayyy~ bye~" thing she always does before she hangs up. He tried to learn happy birthday but gets confused in the middle: "Happy birdy to you. (2x) Happy birdear toooo you. Happy birdy to you." When he gets tired and wants us to cover his cage for the night, he'll angrily yell "SLEEP WELL!"

[@crazycreaturestudios]

I love the mental image of this bird yelling “come here” at his food bowl as if he expects it to obey 😂

[@carved_cuts]

@@crazycreaturestudios That's exactly what it's like yeah 😂

[@TheCaptainAmelia]

Birds are crazy sometimes

[@nicholaslienandjaja1815]

Kiwi? How about naming a parrot "Moa"?

[@SubspaceTripmine66.6]

@@nicholaslienandjaja1815And then it starts to make the boom noise.

[@Apairofheadphones123]

I have a little blue Parrotlet named Bebe. she can't speak yet but she does know how to cause trouble. One day I had a bowl of popcorn with quite a bit of butter on it. Bebe constantly wanted to have the popcorn even though she can't because of all the butter on it. I finished the popcorn, but Bebe didn't know that. So when she jumped up onto the bowl, before I could get her off, she had the bright idea to jump right into the bowl. She had gotten melted butter everywhere. she was covered head to talon in it. I had to grab her and literally dowse her in water under a running faucet to clean her off. She looked like a drowned rat and clearly regretted what she did. I called her a Buttered chicken for the rest of the day. TLDR: My bird jumped into my empty popcorn bowl and got covered in butter. Making me have to waterboard her to clean all the butter off.

[@AnEffingPinkCatThatBreathes]

4:47 From the Reditor: BallsDeepInASheep

[@suspiriorums]

I wonder if they’re welsh

[@amirferdhany3177]

Explains how we got syphillis

[@somedinguswholikestea]

@@suspiriorumsjesus

[@erinrising2799]

had a friend in grade school. They had a pet parrot. His mom was a terrible woman who was very blatant in her favoritism. One summer my friend's mom took his sister on a month long vacation, without my friend. His dad worked during the day so here was this 8 year old unsupervised all day. He showed the bird pictures of his mom and sister while repeating insults. By the time the vacation was over the bird would shout "Bitch", "whore", etc whenever it saw them. My friend got grounded for a month, but that bird was still doing it when we were in high school.

[@KnightmarePhoenix_official]

I have to believe that if indeed dinosaurs had complex vocal organs and were fairly intelligent, they would certainly do these exact things

[@KelsieJG__they-them]

My friend and her husband are vegan and as a result of their bean/fiber-heavy diet they are a bit on the gassy side. Their African Grey has noticed and now randomly makes pretty convincing fart noises. Also, another of my friends had a smaller parrot of some kind (I don't remember which type anymore) when we were kids and he would sometimes say "stupid r****d" because my friend and her little brother used to yell it at each other when they were mad.

[@mizukittyakinyama]

3:39 pikachu parrot

[@nicholaslienandjaja1815]

Now all they need is a Meowth parrot

[@AroundDaStars]

I really need the confidence of the bird that calls himself "guapo" when looking into the mirror

[@luvbeinghiswife1148]

My Senagal never said anything embarassing or incriminating. However he broke my heart upon leaving this earthly life on October 4, 2022. I miss you dearly, Sprocket 💚

[@darealxbox]

3:00 you only get one warning

[@kri_cal]

My sister bought a pair of those blue parakeets or whatever they are from Petsmart. The landlord made her get rid of them. When she dropped the birds off there was only one. We asked what happened to the second bird. He killed her. My sister got a replacement girlfriend and he killed that one too. It made sense why the landlord was scared of him. He enjoyed watching murder documentaries. Would get very upset if you changed the channel to anything else. Was especially happy when knives were mentioned in conversation or on the TV. He knew how to get out of his cage. I woke up one morning to him standing over me, staring. He was known to enjoy biting and drawing blood from people. A terrifying serial killer named Birdie eventually escaped the house one morning. I both fear and miss him

[@ronbee8525]

That's just a serial killer who was reincarnated into a budgie as punishment and it DIDN'T WORK.

[@desperado3236]

Jesus, its almost like that bird was a reincarnated serial killer or one who got turned into a bird as punishment.

[@corvolavender5586]

My aunt had a parrot. She also had epilepsy, which means regular visits from the doctor. One time the doctor was visiting, only for the parrot to pipe up with a "fxck off, wxnker" He looked at my aunt, who pretended nothing had happened, only for the parrot to repeat itself. Turns out the parrot had learnt this from the ends of arguments between my aunt and my cousins...

[@MissionPetAllDogs]

I can never decide whether to be bummed or relieved that my green cheek conure absolutely refuses to learn how to say anything. He mimics the sound of me giving him kisses when he's happy, which is cute, but not once in nine years has he ever uttered so much as the hint of a word.

[@E621_Rule34]

never understand why some birds can talk yet they choose to break the sound barrier with squawking

[@OrigamiAhsoka]

I absolutely love the thought of a parrot talking with an Alexa constantly

[@Things-with-wings]

Heard a story a while back where a bird kept on screaming help at the top of his lungs to the point the police were called.. Another story was when my mom went to the vet and one of the birds there had screamed bomb threats, thankfully the office had a sign stating to ignore him, be careful what is being said around your birds!

[@i_dont_know_what_to_name_t8472]

I once had this Amazon parrot, he would constantly yell unless someone was looking at him, sort of like a "wAhh" sound, but any time the phone would ring, he would drop everything he was doing to respond with a quiet "hello?" Also at night he would mimic the sound of either a door creaking or a toddler whining (I couldn't tell), so I would just sit there at night listening him going "eeeEEhhhhhh" all night long.

[@phillapple8260]

7:27 This sounds oddly similar to the main bird character in Rio

[@seroXW]

Litteraly is, blue macaw that can't fly, exact equivalent to Blu right down to the breed

[@ayuumorienjoyer5913]

5:18 got meee💀

[@zleepydude]

Youve been got

[@NFE0000]

Kerstin, Kerstin, I'm still in the basement

[@georgecampbellvideos3517]

Not a parrot but I used to have a cockatiel called Joey who'd make the sound of the landline ringing but he would always wait until either myself (or if I had guests everyone) was outside before imitating it causing me to rush in to find him looking smug perched on one of the shelves

[@ihatehandleswtf]

Cockatiels are parrots, my guy

[@angrymicrowave]

I don’t personally own any parrots, but my school has two in their animal lab. They are both insane, but in different ways. One likes to offer a handshake, but he never lets go and he will try to bite you if you resist. The other one tries to eat your lunch, does not like shoelaces, and perches at the top corners of his cage and screams at passerby. I love Scoops and CJ.

[@lisachiappetti6092]

SCOOOOOOPS!!! Sorry it suddenly occurred to me just how much I like Scoops as a bird's name ❤

[@angrymicrowave]

@@lisachiappetti6092everyone loves him, we treat him like a baby even though he’s 26 and the oldest (CJ and Scoops are blood related, CJ is a year younger) we always say that Scoops exhibits youngest child energy and vice versa. Sweet baby, has never bit me, although he did shit on me that one time but I forgive him CJ however, has sent me to the ER and said “mutherfucker” to a class of preK children

[@lisachiappetti6092]

@@angrymicrowave cj is iconic 🤣

[@angrymicrowave]

@@lisachiappetti6092 he is and he knows it. He even cheerily said “Hello!” *right after* If I remember correctly, he also started dancing. Edit: he bit me again, twice, because *he wanted another bird’s peas*

[@Inv_Enot]

At a pet store there was a parrot who would yell “BLOWJOB BLOWJOB BLOWJOB”

[@g00berthealien]

7:15 it’s the thought the counts ❤

[@KestrelDC]

My mom’s parrotlet knows exactly when to laugh. He recognizes when we’re speaking in a jokey tone and that us talking that way tends to correlate with that sound, so he ends up laughing at our jokes a lot. He also sometimes runs off when you try to pick him up and laughs while holding his wings slightly up (still folded at his sides, but raised a little). I also used to work at pet store that had a few animals there that were the owner’s pets and always stayed there. Two of these are a cockatoo named Jasper and an Amazon named Roscoe and their cages are right by each other. Roscoe is mostly pretty stoic and chill but Jasper is…. pretty much just a big baby. Jasper will get excess energy or just too much stimulation and start just screeching. Really ear piercing screeching, too. When Jasper gets going, Roscoe will often go “Jasper…. stop…” in an exasperated voice. An African grey at a zoo I used to do volunteer work at also learned my name because I’d often just look at him and he’d move closer and look back at me and a zookeeper noticed and would often repeat my name to him a few times. So one day another zookeeper and volunteer were working in the area he’s in and just suddenly heard my name. He apparently made it into one of his common phrases and said it quite a bit from then on. So there’s a parrot that will just randomly say my name sometimes even after I’m gone (had to move, would still be volunteering there otherwise).

[@Kumahachi8]

My grandfather had a cockatiel named Percy who, at complete random, would perfectly, and loudly, emulate the ring of a very old telephone. Then, when my grandfather died, my dad took him in, and we realised that he did it at night, too. We weren’t warned about that. Edit: Also, my father knows an owner of a small pet shop who was asked if he would buy an African grey for a ridiculously low price. It was perfectly healthy, but just as he was about to close the deal on the bird, which he mostly would have kept as an in-store pet of sorts, like he did with another little cockatiel, the bird let out a string of what he described as the most foul cursing that he’d ever heard in his life, which, considering where we come from, is saying a lot. The owner was trying to get rid of the bird in any way they could because nobody would buy it with all of the cursing that it did, apparently. Naturally, one cannot have a swearing bird as one of your shop’s pet birds and he had to decline.

[@isitsweet9567]

I would take a cussing bird, it would remind me of my brother

[@glebglub]

what a loss; I could just imagine them being kept in a soundproofed cage with warnings and caution stickers plastered all around it, attracting people through reactance or l'appel du vide to come in for the spectactle, to sate the curiousiy of this the most dangerous animal in God's kingdom, only to find the owner open a window to the soundproofed cage that activates "o'fortuna" to play as the bird lets out an unholy vitriollic monologue of spite and hate. I'd pay for such an experience

[@Kumahachi8]

@@glebglub That’s a bloody hilarious image! Haha!

[@Mwowant]

My cockatiel used to like sitting on the very top shelf in our pantry (I’m not sure why) but on that top shelf there was a small gap that lead down the back of the microwave. Guess who fell down there, not once, not twice, but three times in the same day 🥰 We had to unscrew and remove the microwave three times before we figured out how he was getting back there and we promptly put a plank of timber up there to block the entrance.

[@buzzedwoody6143]

I love the idea of a bird antagonizing the dog by mimicking the doorbell.

[@ChronologicalGamer]

6:06 as an italian I can say that was really good

[@PanD0rado]

My parrots' vocabulary is pretty cute. Most of the time theyll say "holaaaa" but they learnt it wrong and instead yell "OAAA". They also laugh like that one video of the parrot coming out of the door, since weve been showing them that video for them to learn the laugh. When we feed them, they start singing along the song "Everybody likes bananas" As I said, their vocabulary is cute, they, on the other hand, will bite you given the chance

[@an33salol]

6:26 GOODNIGHT

[@zleepydude]

Sleep well

[@an33salol]

@@zleepydude 💀

[@gummyneighborino7217]

​@@an33salol SKULLEMOJI

[@jemmamckane8982]

I actually happen to have a parrot who talks all the time. It's mostly fairly normal. He was 10 when we got him so he says a lot of things we didn't teach him to. Some examples include: "Do you like chicken, Ben (the parent's name)?"and "You're a good boy (which is fine when he says it normally, but sometimes, for reasons I cannot guess at, he creepily whispers it).

[@CrocsFortress]

Can we appreciate how Matt dose the most impeccable parrot impressions.

[@mr.x2567]

I’ve heard better, but his will still do

[@nicholaslienandjaja1815]

He should try to do an Iago or Blu (the macaw from Rio) impression

[@datathegamer9847]

My favourite part was when a parrot said "its parroting time" and started screaming random s***.

[@shrumi1133]

The one about the parrot looking in the mirror and saying “awww shite” made me spit out my drink lmaooo

[@Nameandaddresswitheld]

One day i visited a person who was in my moms church group. She had a foul mouth when she was alone. I learned this because her parrot made sneezing noise mixed in with with the parrot saying "shit."

[@craig1538]

It's great to have you back Matt. Sure have missed you. SKULL EMOJIIIIIIIIII

[@ajiteshchandra]

There's johnny.

[@aracharsley7357]

Not a parrot, but my mom's friends owned an umbrella cockatoo. Apparently, a complete stranger showed up, gave her to them, told them to watch her for a week... Then never came back. They had to train her not to say swear words for the next year. Also, she would repeat "good boy" because her previous owner thought she was male.

[@desperado3236]

Cockatoos are parrots but yeah, sounds like whoever left her wanted her gone. Sounds like she got a better home though.

[@aracharsley7357]

@desperado3236 Ah, I'm not a bird expert, my bad. But yeah, she had a good time with them. Sadly, she died of old age last year.

[@desperado3236]

@@aracharsley7357 Thats fine. You learn something every day :) People seem to think cockatiels/cockatoos are different but theyre just australian crested parrots. Im sorry to hear that but at least she had a better life then she normally would. I have alot of respect for people who take in abandoned animals.

[@nmheath03]

My favorite parrot story I've read was where someone had two parrots who didn't really get along, and at one point they were cooking a cornish hen. One of the parrots saw, looked at their owner and said "Paco?" (the name of the other bird) then started laughing iirc.

[@amuzak9063]

3:17 sounds like maybe the bird learned the Wilhelm Scream