CBT for Social Anxiety (And 3 Tips to Help NOW!)

CBT for Social Anxiety and 3 Tips You Can Implement NOW! What is social anxiety? What is CBT? Barbara Heffernan, LCSW, discusses cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety, also known as CBT for social anxiety disorder. Help for social anxiety disorder is possible. CBT and diaphragmatic breathing, as well as other tools, can help with social anxiety. If you are struggling with social anxiety, there is help!
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This video was created by Barbara Heffernan, LCSW for educational purposes only. These videos are not diagnostic and provide no individual consultation. Consumption of these materials is for your own education and any medical, psychological, or professional care decisions should be made between you and your primary care doctor or another provider that you are engaged with. Barbara Heffernan is not available for individual consultation via KZbin, social media, or email, and provides services only in the manner mentioned above.

[@MandySommers]

Social anxiety is such a huge thing right now. SO glad you are covering this topic!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Yes, it is unbelievably common!

[@lisabaiocchi1228]

I was just diagnosed with it I hate it

[@dehiashive6097]

I wish she was my therapist!!!!!

[@deocollao5485]

Thanks Barbara, you're a life saver. I'm suffering social anxiety for as long as i can remember, it gets worse. Now I'm hopeful. I'll keep watching your videos.

[@sandeephey]

the best social anxiety video on youtube fr thank you so much for this

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thanks! 😊 you are very welcome, and I’m glad it was helpful!

[@CarisaRae]

I'm a realtor and working on overcoming my social anxiety... I have a tendency to turn down social invitations... I need to work on that. I can't figure out why some people enjoy socializing, but I envy them.

[@Pedro-hk9ng]

I suffer from avoidant personality disorder which share many common features with social anxiety. I was never diagnosed until my late 50s even though I suffered from it since very early age in retrospect. I can attest how painful and self limiting these disorders are. Unfortunately, many people don’t know that they exist and that there is treatment.

[@Brycethebeast]

I love how you explain everything and why it happens and how it works, this helps me so much.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

I'm so pleased to hear that!

[@GardengalAAA]

I haven’t tried CBT yet but I’m still considering it. I’m ok with talking to strangers, I don’t even think twice about it. I avoid most parties not because I’m afraid but the small talk bores me and I’m ok with being alone and sometimes actually prefer it. Being an introvert is ok with me. I don’t like shallow people, I like deep intellectual conversations. If I can’t have that, I’d prefer to stay home with my dogs and my husband lol. For me, It’s mostly about “formal” situations, especially round table discussions. As soon as I know we have to go around the table and introduce ourselves my brain goes completely whack. I don’t sit there and think negative thoughts at all - it’s just a physical response to knowing I have to speak in front of everyone and my heart beats out of my chest and then I panic. What I have learned that works for me, and I do it discreetly, is I focus on my breathing. Deep breaths, filling up my lungs and exhale SLOWLY. 6 times in one minute, those who meditate do the same. It stimulates the Vagus nerve which sends a signal to your brain to relax. really helps to lower my heart rate and calm me enough that I can focus and speak, that is until my brain tells me that I’m saying something stupid and then that’s all I can focus on in that moment so then I lose my train of thought. I’m so in my head and I’m intelligent but of course I think I’m sounding like an idiot, I can tell ppl can tell that I get nervous so then it’s game over. a former boss of mine was kind of a manipulative control freak, and she knew I’d get uncomfortable with the round table discussions so I think she would intentionally call on me last just to torture me because the waiting just creates more anxiety. I hate this shit and don’t know how to stop it. I attribute it to growing up with a very neglectful and verbally abusive family. My stepfather would praise my little sister (his biological daughter) for getting C’s for grades (nothing wrong with that), but I’d get insulted for getting B’s lol. I’m pretty sure the shaming destroyed my self confidence. When I was frustrated I wasn’t allowed to express myself. That evil man is now rotting somewhere in hell where he came from. Fast forward to present day, My little sister can’t make a decision for herself or take care of herself financially if her life depended on it because her dad and my mom coddled her, whereas I became self sufficient because I had only me myself and I to depend on. So who comes out ahead. Me. The lesson I learned in life is sometimes you just have to count your blessings. If you are the family scapegoat, know that it’s usually the scapegoat that is most likely to seek counseling or therapy and usually comes out ahead in the long run. Aside from my social anxiety I’ve done pretty well for myself. I wish I knew about the breathing techniques sooner. All doctors want to do is prescribe meds! To me that’s just a bandaid and a money making scheme for the pharmaceutical industry. No thanks.

[@lawrenceroy3495]

Listen to these helpful videos first thing in the morning, Im sure things will shape out well..

[@BodyCamDuty]

Thank you so much Barbara !! Greatful for these tips!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You're welcome! Hope it was helpful :)

[@girlswithdacurls]

Yes! This is so helpful. Thanks!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are welcome! :)

[@sheetalsoni7037]

thanks a lot Barbara for thus wonderful video

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are so welcome!

[@pinkyfighter9834]

That was amazing, thank you

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You're very welcome! So glad it was helpful.

[@kristen2498]

these are supposed to be the best years of my life. instead im ridiculed with anxiety and feel so so broken and miserable

[@r011ing_thunder6]

What’s your age range?

[@aidalawlor486]

Super helpful tips- about a very important topic, Anxiety is so prevalent in so many different forms, especially social anxiety!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thanks!

[@ExpatEssentialsForItaly]

Fascinating subject. A lot of over-thinking and over-analysing compounds the problem if you already have social anxiety. Breaking that pattern can be difficult....but achievable. Well explained topic. Thanks for sharing.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Yes, that over-thinking causes problems for lots of us!

[@SocialConfidenceMastery]

CBT is so powerful!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Yes, and I know you are an expert in this area as well!

[@allaboutfoodwithChristie]

thank you for the tips :)

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You are welcome, Christie!

[@ElizabethSampson]

Great content Barbara!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thanks!

[@andreasdm8193]

You are very likable person.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

😀💟🙏

[@christinekato4597]

Your videos are therapeutic. Please counsel me

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi Christine: A link to my group coaching program is under each video. My 1:1 practice is currently full. Wishing you all the best.

[@kimmig769]

thank you so much :)

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You're welcome!

[@tera_baap6912]

Really great Video!!🤩❤️😁

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Glad you liked it!!

[@paolaespinoza592]

thank you

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

You're welcome!

[@vivianaf649]

Hi Barbara, looking forward to a cbt video about depression please! 🙏

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

I will add it to the list - probably Sept...(?). My specialities are really anxiety and trauma, though I have also worked a lot with depression. The CBT Exercises video may be helpful if you haven't seen it: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aYesfWSClN6jg8k

[@vivianaf649]

@@BarbaraHeffernan awesome!!! Thank you soo much, that would be super helpful!!! I have not seen the video you sent me, will look at it right away!!! God bless you lady!!! 🤗💖

[@NewMindGarden]

Amazing 🌷🌷👌👌

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Thanks 🤗

[@redladybug9180]

After the last few months of unusual behaviour from myself even before covid19. I think I might have general anxiety due to work stress. Things that’s happened: I’ve had a panic attack at work embarrassing myself because I wouldn’t cope, I felt claustrophobic one Sunday in my room and I just wanted get into my car and get out of my house but I talked myself out of leaving in worry that I would loose my parking spot 😂👍. I have issues sleeping but this has become better recently because I falling a sleep listening to audiobook. Also working from home recently has taken out a lot of work stress. Although today I just simply left my house to fill up my car with petrol then return home and I found that I could feel myself shaking but I wasn’t physically shaking. I do worry about when I do return to work to the office if my stress will return. #advice

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

This definitely sounds like fairly significant anxiety to me. Remembering that anxiety tries to convince you that it is something external that is the problem, but the problem is the anxiety. What helps with anxiety? CBT, EMDR, meditation, yoga...

[@durgaambika4342]

What about other people reactions?? Like when I encourage me to get out of SAD some one will tell something ill about me and I'll get anxious

[@jaymccarthy7074]

If he goes to the date with a positive mindset I'm sure it will be fine but also like you said focusing on the person he is having the date with will give him the mind to distract what is on his mind. Maybe he could stop catstroohising and say to himself that the date will go fine I'm going to be fine the person will just be as anxious as me so I can understand. Its not the end of the world I'm sure the person will he understand and kind finger crossed. Just be kind to yourself say well done for going to the date well done for trying be kind and love yourself no matter what.

[@kd9080]

Thanks for covering this topic! I am the opposite-I love parties! but when it comes to a serious one on one conversation, my anxiety is uncontrollable not even if I try to breath and relax. I tend to want to cry (eyes get really watery). It doesn't happen much with people I love or know well or even strangers. It's Just went I need to ask for help, or explain myself, or talk to a higher authority (boss, teacher etc). what kind of anxiety is this?

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi: I really can't give individual advice via KZbin, though many people have anxieties tied to very specific situations. Some of the basic self-help tools for anxiety will help with all types of anxiety.

[@teecna2669]

I agree...This is my issue as well. Ive realized over the years that this is due to me not wanting to be the focal point of the interaction. I do find Barbara's CBT suggestions a bit helpful with this. Especially the "Curious" tip. A lot of my issues also stem from chronic physical conditions and being in close quarters with a person where I am not physically feeling great is a struggle. I do think its a vicious cycle bc anxiety exacerbates this, hence what Barabara was speaking of in the beginning how thoughts and behavior affect how you feel and how you feel affects how you behave and think.

[@ekkamailax]

One reason people get social anxiety is when they are focused on the “other person” all they get in return is toxicity, for example the other person catching you off guard with a condescending comment, a personally invasive question, unsolicited criticism, etc. Then the person on the receiving end of this abuse gets caught off guard like a deer in the headlights.

[@GardengalAAA]

Exactly. And not just social anxiety. I avoid ppl like this even without the social anxiety. It gets to be so toxic and there are more shallow ppl in this world than not. If I had a room full of intellectual ppl who just want to carry on constructive conversations instead of judging or throwing out passive aggressive remarks, I’d be in heaven.

[@happysolo9523]

I have literally low self esteem because of anxiety

[@r011ing_thunder6]

Bro me too. Anxiety took everything from me

[@monashakra5380]

İt has been incredibly helpful thank you so much Does a person who suffers from social anxiety need medication especially if he is a teenager Please respond to my question Thanks in advance

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi Mona: It is impossible to give individual advice viaKZbin. However, the two types of anxiety that often do best with a combination of an SSRI and CBT therapy are Social Anxiety and OCD. That doesn't mean people always "need" it, but it can often be helpful. A full evaluation by someone experienced in the area would be needed. In the US, a psychiatrist or LPRN does an evaluation for medication. A psychotherapist can do an evaluation for diagnosis and therapy treatment. Hope that is helpful.

[@monashakra5380]

@@BarbaraHeffernan thank you so much for your very helpful response I do appreciate your time and effort

[@lingwu4587]

What is difference between what you said psychotherapy and coaching?

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

There can be a lot of overlap these days between the two. Coaches don't diagnose, will therapists do. Coaches may focus on more practical ways of moving forward, while therapists may help more with what keeps you from actually taking those practical steps! Hope that makes sense (but this is a complicated question these days!)

[@sandrapmp]

Hi Barbara, I have a question. Just recently, I've started noticing that negative thinking, which sometimes leads me to feeling depressed, gets stronger when I'm having to face something stressful. It starts happening a few days, or even a month prior to the stressful event and the thoughts are not necessarily related to it. I find my mood turns grey and I'm full of self doubt and self loathing. I'm starting to think that some of my depression is really a very elaborate way of avoiding things I'm afraid of. I was wondering what your thoughts were about this. Is this possible? Does this happen to some people?

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Yes, I think anxiety and depression play off each other and can make each other worse. Anticipating a stressful event can lead to the anxiety, which then makes you feel depressed if you feel overwhelmed. Working on your thinking early - shifting how you see the upcoming event - may help with the whole cycle.

[@M-TProductions]

​@@BarbaraHeffernan Hi , I hope you will be good and fine need your help

[@fadilabbas8768]

Dear Barbara, I need your help to diagnosis my case from what I tell you now. I got trembling when I hear sharp or loud sound, and that make me fear from participate in meeting or parties because hearing these sharp or high sounds are very possible , then I feel very embarrassed when I got trembling. What is my diagnosis case? Thank you very much, I'm very grateful for your response.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Hi Fadil: I am so sorry, but there is no way I can provide a diagnosis via social media. It is probably worth consulting a doctor or therapist if possible. I wish you health and healing, Barbara

[@jackiedenewitt2703]

I had a lot of social anxiety when I was younger. Thinking about the worst thing that could happen always helped me to calm down!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

How awesome that you were able to help yourself with it!

[@Brycethebeast]

my problem is that I have derealization disorder, and when I am really anxious it's difficult to even talk because I feel like I'm in a dream...or like..I am totally disconnected from my body and I'm somewhere behind myself and then all of a sudden someone is in my face talking to me and it feels like...how long were they talking to me? am I really here? I am trying to find a therapist but its hard to find a good one in regards to derealization

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Derealization is a subset of dissociative disorders, so finding someone who specializes in or has experience with dissociation should be helpful... I have some tips on finding an EMDR therapist (many, but not all, EMDR therapists develop expertise working with dissociation). kzbin.info/www/bejne/ipTCfoGXZ5pqpM0

[@pinkyfighter9834]

I have it too , that is all because of anxiety ,it is not a separate disorder or something like that but it's a high level of anxiety , i had it for about a year and now i am almost recovered , i had not the chance to talk to any therapist but i found an excellent content on KZbin that helped me so much

[@mariamkinen8036]

I don't think I have this problem. My family , with in-laws , have the problem. Do I have to like the FI when I don't? No. I hope.

[@johnmurphyable]

I love your videos but the diadratic breathing and relaxation simply did not work for me. What worked was to be forced to do public speaking (talking in front of a group of co-workers). I stuttered and stammered and would freeze up or experience deer in headlights and not be able to think clearly and recite even simple things. It took me about a year to get over the feelings of panic and anxiety. They are gone now. What's interesting (to me) is I don't care anymore. If I do make a mistake or say something I wish I hadn't - I just don't care. The last thing - as I watch younger people (or anyone) struggle with public speaking like I did - I feel so sorry for them! And hope for the best for them!

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

This is an awesome example of Exposure! Instead of avoiding, you jumped into it and got over it! Congratulations! And thanks for sharing - it could help others struggling :)

[@sethaiden351]

I will try this...i have problem when i speak in front of people. I always avoid it..maybe this is the solution..just do it until i dint feel social anxiety amnymore

[@CScripture]

Just read the bible you will feel calm - your creator knows you the best

[@deocollao5485]

Thanks Barbara, you're a life saver. I'm suffering social anxiety for as long as i can remember, it gets worse. Now I'm hopeful. I'll keep watching your videos.

[@BarbaraHeffernan]

Yes, there is hope! :)