am i really going to be mentally ill forever? like...this is it?

[@WriterFergus]

I feel for you. Depression is so exhausting. You go to bed exhausted, you get up, exhausted. You feel empty or heavy for so much of the day. I have recently changed medication, my old meds weren't helping, and am now waiting for these to make a difference. I sometimes wonder why I bother, things can seem so bland and unfulfilling at times. Keep fighting my fellow mentally ill people, every day we manage to get out of bed is a triumph.

[@jen6790]

i've been in a hard place too for a while now, and it's so daunting and scary to think "is this really going to be something i have to live with forever?" when we're in a bad mental state, this doom and gloom feeling that we have is all encompassing. but then we wake up one morning and we feel like doing something, or we feel excited, or we just feel something that isn't just dread. we laugh for the first time in a while, or smile on our own, or just enjoy the taste of our favorite food. we hang out with someone who makes us feel loved, or watch a movie that changes our life. these moments take us out of our mind, even if it's just for a second, they make the world worth living in. it's in those moments that we feel so proud of ourselves for sticking around. it's about living for the next day in the hopes that it'll be better than the last. because we know that those days exist. we love you reece, thank you for being open

[@kimregan7828]

That was said beautifully!! We do the best we can on any given day and hopefully remember to enjoy the little things.

[@evelienproductions406]

what a beautifully written text

[@Shamelessly-healing]

Check out plant medicine treatment I went to @tabularasaretreat and did plant medicine with proper guidance, it saved my life! I was on suicide watch prior to leaving a few weeks ago and spent years with severe complexPTSD, depression, anxiety.. I have never been so happy truly happy and clear and and and and and ! Invest in yourselves or find someone who can. You’re worth living happily ❤ keep sharing as well and maybe some things I’ve said in my little KZbin channel may be relatable :)

[@afrofaeries]

I’ve been feeling like the second half of your message recently. It’s been a struggle to get out of, but it’s possible. No one will believe in you except yourself :-)

[@amandak1444]

That was beautiful ❤️

[@hkqtt]

This made me cry because this is so relatable right now. I have autism and adhd and have been able to do less and less creatively and socially the more responsibilities I get as an adult. I get so scared that life will be like this forever. I am a good writer and I used to love writing, and I know some great novel is hidden beneath all my issues that will probably never be written . Same with great friendships and experiences that won’t happen because I’m isolating at home. Ugh I feel you

[@justyourlocalrat_]

ha, i'm auDHD too and same. there's a novel in me that i just don't know how to access and scattered songs with so much potential to become an album but my brain is just too broken to do any of it. isolating at home too (although for me it's largely discouragement from trying again and again and not finding friendships i feel satisfied in). and i'm not even working a job so where is all my energy going?? like babes you're tired from WHAT

[@meganlerose8901]

wow... I feel like I could have written this. sending love in solidarity

[@dunnnuu6502]

what's her diagnosis?

[@paulwoodford1984]

gay. lol. Just buck your ideas up. you’re not mentally ill. she’s not mentally ill. Anyone who says they are mentally i’ll are not. lol. so lame.

[@madeleineeeeeeeeeee]

Same here 🫂 Maybe I should just kms or idk but my life doesn’t make any sense so it’s ok if I end my struggles like that

[@Luz-l6f]

I am depressed all the time but I try my best to get up everyday. I have convinced myself it’s ok to feel that way and give myself love nevertheless. I find writing and documenting every minute of my daily life in a journal very helpful cuz then I realize all the things that is happening in my life. Now I get up with great curiosity of what the day holds for me. I don’t set goals or have dreams. My goal is really to get up everyday and seize whatever awaits in my day. I thank God everyday for all wonderful things I enjoy everyday- sun, flowers, the showers, the roof over my head, the clothes I wear, the people who loves me.

[@BafoofaSniclefrits]

I'm in a depressive episode rn, a lot of my free time is spent lying down, I'm eating barely enough to get by, less than I should be. This helped me feel less alone. I see you and I think that is a person who is worthy even if all you do is lie down and sleep. You are still stardust. I don't think of you as less than. So I will try to extend that to myself as well. A thought that I had was maybe it would be worth exploring therapy or resources that employ an anti-capitalist lens. I know for me it is often hard to find self-worth that isn't achievement-based and I think it would be good for me to unlearn that more.

[@nailz_by_kenz]

I heard an analogy once about depression being like a hotel hairdryer. When it gets overused, it just turns off. Not because the hairdryer is broken, but it's a built-in mechanism to protect it from overheating. I think that's why anxiety and depression tend to go hand in hand. Think of thoughts as the hairdryer working on normal speed, and then think of all of those heavy, exhausting, overload of thoughts as the blowdrier on high mode all day long. Your brain is going to switch to the cool setting, or turn off completely (depression) to protect it! That mindshift has been helpful for me. Some people's hairdryers overheat more often than others, because well, some people's hairdryers are being used all day long, on overload. Know that we live in a world that expects our hairdryers to run on overheating mode constantly, it's easy to feel like our hairdryer is busted, it's not, it's simply recharging. ❤

[@Ashleighfrh]

I just want to say, at 17 I was so depressed I didn't want to live to 21, but then when I reached 21 I was like "okay, maybe I can make it to 22" and so on. I'm 27 now and haven't thought like that in years, and I promise you - it gets better. I have found 9 to 5 actually quite useful in giving my life structure and meaning; not to say it will do that for you but for me it was just the feeling of knowing I was being counted on to turn up somewhere and do some silly little tasks, really helped. Sending so much love!

[@kerenbanget1]

i somewhat agree with you regarding 9to5, it makes our brain working and make our body and brain move but at some point, workload in office is getting higher and you get burnout as well and you back question your life again.

[@paularodriguez726]

Bestie, i started having better habits because of you and you truly made me step up my life in the pandemic. As a fellow mentally ill girly, yes, maybe we will. But we are doing so much better than we think and YOU have made a difference in people’s life. Thank you for existing ❤ hope you see this

[@followingthenorthstar]

sometimes the problem is that we think it’s a problem to not wanna do anything. life isn’t all about work and productivity. it could just be trying to teach you how to just lay back and chill, enjoy life, don’t always feel like you need to be doing something to be on top of your game

[@sm7640]

I love this perspective. I come home and sometimes I don't feel like tackling more things if I'm having a rough week or day. It's OKAY to not push yourself, it's OKAY and normal to chill if it's a rough week. I think with social media there's so much access to what people are doing 24/7 that we feel like we need to be on point 24/7 too.

[@kamboocha2]

👏 Well said

[@someundeadtalent2016]

I cried hard a few weeks ago cause it all seemed so endlessly frustrating but then I realized - 6 years ago, I didn’t think I’d still be on this earth. At 16, I couldn’t even begin to imagine living past 18. But here I am. Getting better. Healing. Falling back into old patterns while doing my best. Being human.

[@ashboo28]

Bonestly being mentally ill and in your 20s is the worst, I'm 29 now and im FINALLY less sad because even when I'm depressed the rest of stuff in my life has began to click into place, genuinely healthy relationships with others in my life, a job I like and works for me, and a space I feel good in, etc. When you're going through it it feels like one step forward, two steps back, but it's actually two forward, one back. With every moment we're getting through we're growing and developing and fighting for ourselves. Even if it feels like we aren't. I've definitely been in bed staring at the wall for days, but I'm not depressed like I would have been at 21 or 19 or 15.

[@cuca_]

What job did you find that works for you?

[@sarahtrachte4426]

Heyyyy hey hey hey. Hey now. It's okay. Yes, this might be permanent. Yes, you probably need to accept it, and yes, obviously it sucks. But that doesn't mean the REST OF THE TIME can't be the most beautiful and magical life. If you're still having thoughts and plans and ideas and you just can't execute them, write them down so you can do them when you feel okay. Batch-produce videos when you feel good and then just post them occasionally when you feel sketchy. Have a list of like 20 favorite movies and a grocery order saved so you can just press send. Use the good times to prepare for the bad times, and once you've prepared, have the most fun you possibly can. We're all here with you. It will be okay.

[@leannereilly]

I love this 🩷

[@breaavril]

i feel like you've expressed exactly how i've felt in january so well 😭 hoping we all have a better february!

[@lindsaypatterson8395]

reeeeeeeseee idk why i've never commented on your vids before but i've literally been watching your vids since you were 16 and we're the same age!! born a month after you. your content is so raw and relatable. like i've been present for almost 9 years now the consistency of you in my life is crazyyy. anyways there's nothing i can say that'll make any difference but just want to say you're not alone cuz a big reason i've been so invested in your content is just how much i relate to you. i'm so happy you exist

[@Maria-rr9zk]

I struggle with depression and social anxiety and let me tell you I would never manage to work from home and stay mentally stable! In 2020 I had to do it for a few weeks and at first I thought: great! Not having to speak to coworkers, being in my safe space etc. But instead of thriving I spiralled! I am an introvert and like being alone but my depression got worse because I had nowhere to be. There was no need to get ready in the morning, shower, brush your teeth. It was horrible and so exhausting because I couldn't get myself to do the normal things. Being alone the whole day, being in your own head the whole day, it's not healthy. What I am saying is, maybe you need a part time or volunteering job. Somewhere to go a few times per week. Doing something productive with your hands and not being in your head the whole day. That's what came to my mind.

[@mariazzz541]

Personally, the last few months I was working a full time job and things in fact got better. The thing that made me feel better was probably having co-workers and being costantly in touch with people. I had a place to go to each and every day, I needed to take care of myself, I had people to talk to, I always had new things to learn. But exams season came and I decided to leave the job in order to study and finally graduate. Now I'm always home alone, I have nobody to talk to, no reason to get ready for the day. I don't have the energy to study anymore, or do anything else at all. This is just my experience!!! What I mean is that finding a job DEFINETILY helped me, and sadly I notice a drastic difference now. I thought that sharing could help people, if they wanted to try it, anyway it is a personal choice and anyone should be free to do as they wish❤

[@Maria-rr9zk]

​@@mariazzz541This sounds exactly like me! I only managed to graduate because I couldn't study any longer. I had reached the maximum of 10 Semesters and would have lost all my credit points. What helped me was that pressure and going to the library to study everyday...sending you all the strength!

[@ProgressWithChristina]

Thank you for sharing! I myself am an introvert and always had social jobs like being a waitress or a hairdresser. That satisfied my social meter lol. After college I went into corporate, then the pandemic happened so I’ve worked from home since. I have come to realize I do better with a job in which I interact with people. As an introvert I’m not one to go out of my way to seek social things so it’s been hard!

[@sarahhendricks23]

Thank you for this! I was gonna study from home, but I think I’m gonna go in ❤️. Thank you so much for this wake up call! I’m gonna go in

[@JulietteIsBored]

This video was so validating. I've been struggling with my mental health for over a decade and this past year it's at a level where I cannot function. The things you talked about I've been thinking about too as of late. Thank you for posting this

[@abbiewebster644]

does reese know that she literally inspired me to go to uni and get a degree and now i am a functioning human in society when before i was the biggest couch potato? girl we love you lol

[@hanaeyoshida5163]

same here! reese has touched and changed so many lives for the better and i hope she always remembers that!!!

[@sunflower211]

girl i'm so sorry. i feel you! this video made me cry. mental health challenges are so difficult! the roller coaster is exhausting. i've been looking into transcranial magnetic stimulation (tms). it helped my brother maybe you could talk to your dr about it. don't listen to your negative self talk. you do amazing things and this low isn't your true reality. anyone who fights mental illness is strong and definitely not a loser 💔

[@brynnjacoby9029]

Dear Reese, I know everyone experiences depression and mental struggle differently, but a lot of what you said reminded me of how I felt years ago. The constant up and down, the medication not working, waking up everyday and feeling ashamed and sick of yourself for not being who you know you can be. It was that way for years. I can’t tell you what will make things easier for you, but I can tell you it DOES get better. I find myself years later so grateful I did not end up leaving life early, I never would have known the love or joy I do now. It takes time. Sometimes way longer than you think. Times where you grow and grow and then suddenly you hit rock bottom again and feel like none of it mattered. But it does. You will find things, people, and places that help. The healing process is incredibly slow and full of ups and downs. Be kind to yourself, I’ve had the exact same thoughts and hearing you say them out loud made me cry, it’s so easy to kick yourself when you’re down and dig yourself deeper. You are deeply loved. Things will get better. I don’t know when or how, but I know they will. I used to think people were just lying to make me feel better, but as someone who has had similar thoughts and years, it does. I promise.

[@j.9165]

Thank you for sharing this beautiful message!✨

[@nayimarie]

how long it took you

[@leannereilly]

What helped? Was it just time?

[@dzinive]

🤍

[@gratefullthirdeye]

Feel this to the core. Im 34 it still happens 🤦. Ugh its happening right now at the worst possible time at the moment right now. It sucks to tell people too because the response is always "Just dont be sad" OMG I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT 😂😂😂. You know though stay strong we all got this shit!

[@jessiethompson4149]

i have been in the same mindset recently and honestly, it’s just so comforting to have content creators talk about it. the whole idea of potential and success depending on relatively good mental health is such a draining idea that i’ve been struggling with. you’re not alone!

[@Zahraazaarour_]

You took alll the words out of my heart and inserted them in this video...

[@nancymaccdams8798]

Every question that you asked, is what i ask myself literally every day, You know not doing things that we can do best and achieve our best potential and lacking behind from others and wasting so much of precious time of our life, just thinking these escalate so much anxiety, more power to you, dont give up, i feel the same dont feel alone or leftout there are so many that feel just like you, i started feeling anxiety at the age 17 and now i am 21 and half and every day of these four years i felt like shit, first i had anxiety and panic attacks now it has turned into depression, don't feel alone, we all fighting the same fight, hang in there😢😢😢😢😢😊😊😊😊😊😊 I can relate to you at every level really.

[@jessdixon2438]

Girl I think all of us that has mental illnesses end up having that lovely spiral that makes you think you’ll always be like this, you’re not alone in the slightest and you are doing the best you can right now. Stay strong you gorgeous human x

[@AveryBalliet]

Well first time watching you and I am glad I did! Not me obsessively searching for videos around depression & emptiness on KZbin & the algorithm giving me this candid honesty. I am in my 30s and going through the most intense mental rollercoaster of my life :) Learning so much about the woes of mental health. One thing I came across the other day that has really summed up what I struggle with is "covert avoidance". Thought I would throw that out there for anyone struggling with cyclical emptiness & "depressive episodes". Anyways!!! Love your persona & appreciate you.

[@_LexiMae]

I get how you feel because my mental health has been a lot worse recently. I'm questioning whether or not if I'll be able to do anything because of my mental health. I'm so sick of being sick. I hope it won't always be like this

[@Lilacil]

Thank you soooooo much for this video, it really makes me feel less alone. Trying to combat depression leaves me feeling like I can never EXIST like other people get to. I have it in my head that if I keep trying, I can somehow climb away from all of this, but at this point, I'm not even sure that's true. It always comes back, & it's never any easier. Maybe at some point loving myself will mean actually accepting that I just can't function the way that I want to. It's not like I could possibly try any harder, this just is where I am & to some extent, it's an achievement that I just continue to exist when for me it's like an impossible climb almost every day.

[@Jayisevolving]

One of the most relatable videos I’ve ever seen. Add on being a mom and having to raise children while dealing with your own mental junk

[@kierramcskimming7829]

Thank you for sharing , january SUCKED! over the last 2 weeks Ive felt myself start rotting away but I know I need to get myself out of it because I got myself to such a good spot for awhile and NEED to see through . We got this, as much as its such a drowning feeling, we know we can get back up because YOU have helped us sooooooooooo many times before!

[@lidia.ortizg]

I always had therapists that only listened and I thought it helped for a while but, spoiler alert, it didn’t. Now I have a therapist that challenges what I think and we think of real strategies and analyze the behaviors that are deeply settled in me. It’s made a world of a difference. For ten years I used to feel exactly as you, like it was me and it wasn’t going to change. Idk maybe give it a shot or think about it. Hope it gets better either way ❤

[@lidia.ortizg]

Also, never really comment on your videos but thought this was kind of essential, but been silently watching for years. Really sending lots of love

[@goldbrick2563]

So how did u change ur life?

[@lidia.ortizg]

@@goldbrick2563 I found a therapist that worked for me and learned to analyse my own behaviour

[@Anna-6557]

The way I can relate to this on a deep personal level ❤️ it feels like every time I take one step forward I end up taking ten steps back so what’s the point? I live in this constant state of existential dread. It’s miserable. And I know a ton of people can relate ❤️

[@tbroan]

Literally coming out of a depressive episode, hell a whole limited series for the past 2 weeks. I literally stayed in bed everyday and only showered and barely ate. I FEEL this video and I SEE you. Hang in there 💐

[@Teganwinters1]

There is nothing wrong with doing nothing and living slower I have a chronic illness and spend so much time sleeping constantly exhausted.

[@shandelchallice4598]

I feel your struggle so much, I have bipolar 2 and my depression episodes are really intense. It's literal hell thinking that I've already been dealing with this for so long and is it going to be like this for the rest of my life? What a nightmare

[@gabriellahannah3364]

BABE you and me both, just wanted to make sure you know that you have allowed me to feel much more comfortable with living life with similar mental health issues and saw this video and was like yes validation thanks love you!

[@briananicole237]

Girl, I'm 27 and this video rocked me to my CORE. I've been in therapy and on medication since college (roughly six years), and I see myself having to depend on it for at least the next several years. Know that we love you and your content makes being in this hellhole called life that much better.

[@islawilliams8782]

ok so i’ve never commented before and honestly i’m still a bit scared.. but i feel like i have to. HOLY COW did this do something. the amount of times people say ‘you’re not alone’ and only now have i actually felt this. the endless cycle of hating yourself for hating yourself is so complicated. this has helped me SO much and i can only hope that one day the dark days get lighter for you 💖

[@Camilabell100]

Reese. BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. ALWAYS. If the up and down is a thing , as it is for me too, working in self talk and being less rigid on what life should look like makes these days less memorable. The minimum is our maximum and that is super super valid. It is not your personal choice to have this. I am happy that you do not have chronic pain from it, and you can still observe your thoughts and redirect it. Redirect it inch by inch. That is the only task you can beat yourself about. Give yourself excuses always always. Be your best friend. ... in the end I think personality we have go through theses things to be instrument of healing for someone we care in the future or present, bc we don't shy away from struggling people. It is a mission, not karma. But i am angry too. I want to fix it for you, go to your house make soup, shake some out of you , but i can only watch your videos when you reach out, and send good energies, prayers, and good intentions for your life. Slow living is a right life too. *Sorry for my poor english.

[@mimmaforreal]

As your new therapist i'm giving you a hug. Yes i still like you and you are absolutly inspiring for me, from a recovering depressed person to another it's a pleasure listening to youit's like we are friends ily bye

[@haybee1148]

Oh my god I can relate soo much to what you are saying. I believe I have pmdd and really struggle with everything you are talking about. I'm also an artist and when I have my episodes I just can't create and when I try I get so frustrated I have to walk away. I want a part time job but I've left so many jobs because of my mental health I just don't think I can deal with it. I get severe rage and just the sound of someone eating in the office has set me off before 🙈

[@clarab325]

everything you just said is exactly my internal dialogue all the time, ty for sharing

[@emysvt]

Was looking for a video like this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Don't really know how to describe it and I know this might sound terribly odd, but it's somewhat comforting to know that there's others that are suffering in a similar way. Hoping the best for us both and anyone else (:

[@hannahmarielu]

i feel for you so much because i’m in the same spot lately. every time i think i might be going uphill i just end up falling down even further than where i was currently in one of my worst depressive episodes and it’s beyond discouraging ): i hope it eases up for you and for everyone else suffering with this. ily❤️

[@leslieedwards7329]

I have no helping words. I just cried with you cus that’s me too rn. And I’m 33. It gets a little easier but the lows still suck ass. Hope you feel better soon ❤

[@florawerner4496]

I send you all my love from France, depression is a bitch and i feel you girl. It will be ending, never stop trying to get better and be kind to your self when you can't fight anymore. Love u

[@realheatherann]

I literally nodded in agreement towards everything you were saying for THE ENTIRE VIDEO

[@daisiesinmyhair4417]

i'm so sorry reese😵‍💫 you're so real for posting this tho! i struggle with depression as well and have the exact same thoughts: "will i have to live like this forever?" but please don't give up okay? there will me so many more hozier songs to listen to and harry styles comcerts to attend ❤️

[@barbarareed3086]

Reese! Thank you so much for sharing. You have no idea how important it is for people going through this kind of deep depression to have someone to relate to. It makes us all feel a little less alone in the world❤ sending love.

[@aubreyallyce3097]

i saw a tiktok today that said when i have a mental breakdown i just look at myself and go thats cringe and my panic attack stops and i feel that also the only thing thats keeping me going is planning for summer. Hiking, camping, kayaking outdoor yoga and walks

[@rebecaalencarc]

when i was at my rock botton your videos helped me so much!! as much as it sucks to feel what you feel, there's comfort in finding out you're not alone. i'm grateful for you and your videos. honestly i think you're so brave for sharing how you feel. it's scary to feel like that, like we're never gonna get better, but if that's the case, we'll do that together. i believe in you so much.

[@glittery8862]

What helps me is seeing these fluctuations in anxiety and depression like any other fluctuations in life. You see, the body is never perfectly stable or in total equilibrium. We regulate ourselves well internally, so we are led to believe that our body temperature is stable, our blood sugar is stable, our heart rate is stable. But in reality, we are constantly adjusting to small changes in our life and in our environment, constantly managing fluctuations. We are just lucky that our body does these things for us without us noticing, most of the time. So to me, when I suddenly realize I'm in a depressive episode - I try to see what preceded it so I can catch it earlier next time. I have to do the same with my blood sugar. I will suddenly get extremely weak and irritable when I realize oh fuck, my blood sugar tanked. Stupid body. I try to think of depression like that - stupid body. It helps me take the shame and.. frustration with myself out of it. I'm still frustrated, but no longer at my failing self but at an unspecified part of my body. And then I just treat it like I would anything else.

[@elsiewilliamson3340]

Christ you've just explained how I've felt for the past fuck knows how long. It feels like my mind and body are working against me. I take the meds, I go on walks, I do every fucking thing possible and it just doesn't work. Thank you for opening up Reese, you are not alone. Unrelated but your eyes are gorgeous ❤

[@sabrinaburger7007]

Omg! I feel you! You just said everything I'm feeling too. You're not alone with this, my life is like yours. We're strong and we can fight against this sick brains! Sending you much, much love & light❤❤❤

[@jamiemedland]

You aren’t alone. I feel a lot of this. My therapist said “it’s okay and normal for your body to want to hibernate in the winter” Also I did a similar job I was SMM for 3+ years, WFH, all day every day and just recently got a job being a barista and feel the social interaction and little more sense of purpose in doing something bc it’s physically tangible and videos/posts aren’t it kind of helps with refinding a little more purpose even if it’s small. You got this. Rest is productive too. Much love ❤

[@IDFK__]

My life sucks too right now (it could all be in my head) idk anymore, I just want us and everyone to be happy…. Seems so simple, but it feels impossible at the same time. Thank you for sharing ❤

[@magueysunset]

There is a concept called The Dark Night of the Soul. It's a beautiful concept actually...how difficult times we're going through (the long nights of life) lead to immense growth and deep inner reflection. They're gifts, even though our culture say's they're "bad" or "depressing". Mindfulness helps. The workbook called 30 Days to Reduce Anxiety by Harper Daniels is helpful.

[@luanamargaridaa]

girl I get u so well, it hurts so much when you’ve been doing great and you think “hey this is progress I’m finally getting better” and then boom… out of “nowhere” there we go again

[@TaylorisTaylor99]

These are some big shared sentiments. It seems like I feel “okay” maybe about a few days every few months. The rest of the time is spent thinking, I’ve achieved nothing, I will achieve nothing, I don’t have the time, money, energy, or passion to do what I truly want. I’ve lost all spark. No matter what I do, I’ll be miserable forever, so why even try. If this is what life will always be like, what is the point. I try to be grateful for what I have and how far I’ve come, I try to remain present and try to enjoy “the now,” and not think “I’ll be happy when” or “I’d be happy if.” But it’s so hard. I know I could be happier. I also know I’ll do nothing about it. Some things I can’t do anything about. I’ve been considering going back to therapy. I wake up tired, go to work tired, come home tired, and there’s no time or energy for anything else. If I didn’t have an 8-5 job I’d probably sleep anywhere from 16-20 hours a day. I imagine myself in my own place, with my own things, doing what I want, being productive, chasing my dreams, and then think “well you’ll never have that,” because that’s what all evidence points to. People ask me my goals but I have none. Why even bother if I’ll never get there? I don’t plan for the future past a few weeks. All my ambition is gone. I have lost myself. It’s too dark to find her.

[@chloeduchart8834]

I’ve only been watching you a little while but I really connected with you on this video. I’m in a constant battle with my own brain 24/7. It’s awful feeling the way you describe in your video but knowing I’m not alone and reading through the comments has really made me realise how important it is to share these thoughts with people. Thank you for being vulnerable and posting this video ❤

[@Em-mq3mo]

I had this EXACT conversation with my therapist the other day! I said to her that statistically I might be going through all this uncertainty and pain for another sixty years, which is terrifying to me. She reminded me though that there are still plenty of good times to come too, and when it comes to actually living life I only have to do that from one moment to the next. That's still something I'm very much working on, but that perspective helps me see a little light in the darkness. I hope you are feeling better real soon ❤

[@claireblaske4321]

a lot of getting through mental health is trying to find the one thing that sticks with you and actually tips your brain back into the right spot. you go through so much random non-helpful stuff and feel terrible because nothing works until you find the thing. my thing was, "don't hit that worry button". love you!

[@YukiKunikida]

I'll be that person: second❤ You don't need to do something all the time, to have a break is something and it's okay, there's not rushing, nobody is more tha anyone because they cross more tasks on their daily to-do list. I've been following you since you were 16. I admire you. You are independent, mature, determined, creative, have sense of humor, grew two KZbin channels, you can hrt anything you set your mind to. You've achieved so much and it seems that it is never enough. But enough is enough, let's try to focus on what we have, depression comes from sticking to the past and anxiety from fesr to the future. Let's take a deep breath and enjoy the present. (I've learned to live with depression, but we know there will always be a brief moment of joy and true happiness when we'll see everything a little bit clearer and brightener.

[@matchagreenbean]

hihi reese 🧡fellow sad girl (living in philly!!) / dog mom / creative soul who feels trapped by her mental health and frequent burnouts and the 9-5 capitalist grind and who fears she's wasting her 20s by being sad and lost and trying so hard to heal all the time!! your videos have been a comfort to me these past few years -- I relate so much to your experiences w PMDD, depression, and the dark parts, but also the lovely, beautiful everyday moments you share with us: time w your fur babies, cooking a delicious and cozy meal, wandering the city, creating art, meditating and nurturing yourself from the inside out. not sure what my point is lol but I think it's that you're not alone and that so many of us are with you and feel so so similarly to you. I'm so proud of you bc it's so clear in your videos that you love yourself, you're so gentle and kind to yourself and to others, and that you are full of light and worthy of love even on the shittiest days. I know this is true bc I'm learning to say all of this to myself, too, and I'm so grateful for voices and creators and sweet humans like yourself who give us a space to process and feel all of this online one nugget from therapy and from my favorite movie (everything everywhere all at once, highly rec!!) that brings me comfort is knowing that even if I'm the worst version of myself in this timeline, that I am deserving of all the things that make being a human worthwhile: love, laughter, kindness, a good cry, feeling shitty some days but being gentle with myself to try again another day. i'm also looking into an adhd diagnosis bc it fits a lot of my anxiety/depression symptoms and the feeling of always needing to do more but lacking the potential and ability to plan / manage time / not burn myself the hell out sorry for the long comment - thank you so much for putting your voice out from the little camera to the big wide world. it's brighter with your voice & energy in it ✨if you ever want an IRL person (and friend) to vent / be distracted from feelings with, lmk!! I live in philly too! sending lots of positive energy to you & to anyone else reading and who needs this 🧡

[@mckenziejeanne4508]

I hope this isn’t a too personal question, but have you been evaluated for bipolar disorder? You talked about the really high highs and low lows and it just sounded kind of similar to what people IK with bipolar have experienced. ❤

[@nessaearthangel]

Could also be CPTSD

[@Fairystargirl]

I think she does- but she definitely knows what she has, I think she just doesn’t want to share it specifically!

[@sapphics4hozier]

i can't believe i've just got this recommended ! i've missed your videos so much ! i've been in a similiar situation for months now , depressive episodes and incredibly burnt out , i feel all i do is sleep my days away , i couldn't help but tear up as you've worded it perfectly , thank you for posting this , i hope you've been taking care of yourself and doing well

[@kyra8138]

Been a long-time subscriber since you we were like 18. Watched you experience school and a boyfriend and your mental health struggles throughout many years. Every time you've uploaded, I literally sprint to watch your videos right away and I'm not really a frequent commenter either. Honestly I'd love to say "this too shall pass" and "it'll get better" but those words would probably make me feel even worse if I heard them. Maybe the key is that when you're not having a major depressive episode, then you take advantage of your life to the fullest and then when you're feeling low you do what you need to do to survive. Treat it like the weather, some months it rains all the time and other times the sun breaks through the clouds and you can go outside again. Feel free to take a break from your channel if you really need to but if this is what really keeps you going then maybe stick around. Don't know what else to say now but we love you Reese!

[@jasmine-gv3uy]

this is why i’ve been following you for years reese!! you’re so relatable and genuine with everything you do! this video hit me to my core. i’m literally in the same situation rn with my mental health and my chronic illness. thank you for posting this bc i’ve been feeling alone in all of my struggles even though i know there’s others who are going through similar things.

[@aranthabanerjee6293]

Hey Reese, I’ve been watching your vids since pandemic hit and honestly ive never been so eager to watch someone’s videos before. The problems and situations u go through are so similar to mine and I find sm comfort in knowing that yes people do struggle but they also bounce back and don’t let that stop them. You’re strong and creative, ik the feeling of another depressive episode hitting out of nowhere and ur body just going on autopilot, but trust me it’ll get better don’t let that one thing stop you. Feel those emotions and let them go no matter how hard it is. Youre such an amazing person and creator and I want to let yk you’ll get through this🫂

[@rimfa1489]

This video is literally like looking into a mirror ive left college multiple times falls multiple jobs and it's all because of these severe lows I feel you you're not alone and thank you for posting this! There are people who are fine with listening to your introspective rants lol I know the feeling of people not wanting to listen as well!

[@cheekykymmie]

Thanks for always staying true to yourself and being real about how life is not always great. It’s why i stay subscribed to your channel. Because your content is authentic and speaks to all of us that have struggles with mental health. And it is likewise great to see the joyous moments too. I hope you feel back motivated again soon. Many air hugs your way! ❤

[@theworkstruths4528]

Give yourself grace girl! You are in this video helping so many people that feel the same way.

[@jazmynnv5831]

Januarys have historically been difficult for me as someone who also struggles with depression. This year I’ve been working with a therapist to remove those feelings of shame I have about being “slower” in January. Even tho it is a new year, we’re also in winter. My only focus is to be kind to myself, allow my body to rest and the room to be still without judgement. I have decided my new year doesn’t start til February 1st- Chinese new year and that’s just gonna have to be okay! Your entire schpeel about “will this always be my reality?” Is also something that goes through my mind often as well. Sending you love❤

[@ambertaryn]

I don’t know exactly what to say but all your feelings and opinions on this are valid and real. You are real. You are human. You deserve better than this and I’m sorry that you got dealt such a difficult hand of cards in this life. I hope though that you can remember the small things: Petting Zoey and Miso whom you love, your mom who seems to be pretty supportive, your cool brother, the sun on your face, the coziness of a night home painting, and any other little thing that might make you feel a spark of something rather than nothing at all. We’ll be here whenever you post again or decide to come back. You are loved. You have helped so many of us feel like someone else gets it. You have purpose and you matter. With love, a subscriber that has been here since the beginning.

[@SarieFitzgerie]

Reese, I am so proud of your vulnerability and openness. It’s so so so important among the sea of social media content across every feed making it look like everyone has their shit together all the time. I’m 35 and struggle a lot with my mental health too. I have for most of my adult life. But I definitely did not have the self awareness and ability to communicate it in my 20s like you are. Being a human is hard. Sometimes overwhelmingly so. But you’re doing such a great job and you are helping so many people feel less alone in their struggles just by sharing your real life. Showing that it’s OK to give it a voice. That it’s OK to take a break if you need it. Thank you for allowing us in. I’m sorry you’re not feeling your best right now. Take all the time you need. We will be here when you get back. Sending a virtual hug and all the good vibes. 💕

[@drawncreationss]

Simply just want to thank you, new sub here you made me feel so comfortable 😩 took exactly how I’ve been feeling for years and explained it so real and raw❤️ well all get better together 🤞🏽

[@mysticmamma753]

Hey Reese. I have been following you for a while now and I’m a huge fan of your content. I just watched this video and it brought me to tears because mental health is something I struggle with everyday. Holding down a job is hard to do when you’re just not mentally okay. I completely understand your pain. Thank you for making these raw videos. Much love!

[@Idfkmwdyt]

I’ve been questioning this lately I feel completely physically and mentally exhausted have to constantly fight my depression,anxiety, and bipolar disorder. These past 3 weeks i haven’t moved I havent gotten up I don’t want to clean cook or go to work anymore. My mentality is getting tiring it’s constant back and forth that I feel I don’t have control over. When I try to explain it to my mom how I’m feeling and she just calls me lazy or ungrateful or just get up and do it but I don’t even want to get up to pee or shower. Everything you’ve said is how I think constantly. When I feel good I want to get everything done then once I’m depressed nothing matters anymore. exactly how you said it it feels like taking 2 steps forward then 5 steps back. I’m struggling to keep a job and if I try to explain they don’t care 🧍‍♀️. it makes me think do I want to last like this forever it’s too much it’s a constant exhausting rollercoaster

[@sophs7732]

dear reese, im with you. i hope you know when my anxiety gets the best of me, your videos were such a great source of comfort.

[@angelicavlogs7724]

I love you for just being yourself it’s all gonna come together mental health isn’t a joke I’ve been feeling down myself almost don’t go to a party I was invited to but in glad I did the fun was very much needed but you still get that feeling like wtf but it’s all with discipline and being consistent but one thing mental health always comes first that feeling will eventually grow out of it, it takes time and you’ll get there just have to believe in yourself! You got this we will survive girly 💕

[@martadoingstuff]

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. I've followed your channel for at least four years now, and you have given me so much hope when things weren't working out for me. It's sad we cannot talk directly to you because, like you said, when you talk to us we are just a camera. But look at this comment section! So far, you have 194 (with me 195) friends who are here for you too. It's totally okay to get tired to fight, I get tired all the time too. And it's so unfair that it's always the best people who have to go through it. I can only hope that, the same way we found so much comfort in your videos, you can find a little comfort in our comments. I'm 100% sure it will get better. (PD: I would recommend looking for another kind of therapist that talks back to you more and gives you exercises and stuff. I had to change 4 times until I found the one, but she helped me A LOT). Sending you lots of love, Reese!

[@eline_vdw_5536]

I just wanna say I love your videos!! I've been watching you for a while now and your content really helps me to feel less alone with my mental health problems. I think I speak for many people here when I say that. You may not fully realize it but your videos are truly helpfull for others struggling. Lots of love from a Belgian girl

[@CryptidPaint]

hey Reese, I never really comment on any video but I've been watching your channel since I was a teen, I'm now 24 and I've struggled with severe anxiety, panic attacks and depression since I was 7 years old, that shit is tough, it stripped away my childhood and my teenage years. I spent so much time angry at myself and asking Why me? why do I have to go through this hell instead of just being normal. I tell you this because I want you to know that it's possible to arrive to a point in which you're okay and co-exist with your mental illness, it won't go away, not entirely, but there will be a time and a point in life when things will become easier to manage. The more you learn about yourself, the more you grow, the more you learn about how your mind works, what triggers you, how your body feels when you're going to go into a new episode, etc, the easier it'll become. My advice is to search for a new therapist, one that gives you advice and insight instead of just listening. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my therapist, it's hella hard to find the right one, but there's always someone out there who will be the right guide for you in this hard time in life. Art therapy is also something that helped me a lot. It broke my heart hearing you talk in this video, I share your pain, you're not alone, we all love you deeply and are here to cheer for you, give yourself kindness and grace. I'm sending you all the love in my heart and I hope this depressive episode passes soon, we all love you. And I believe you will be able to achieve everything you want and every goal you have despite the mental illness, you're strong and brilliant. Please trust me when I say that it is possible to coexist with mental illness and that things will get better, they really do, please hang in there, sending you big hugs

[@leannereilly]

I’m right there with you girly. Been in a seasonal depressive episode for the past few months and I’ve just fully given up at this point. It’s exhausting 😢 Thanks for sharing Reese 🩷

[@Katherine-hn1qz]

This is how i feel about my anxiety. It is so exhausting to feel like you will never be able to escape something that impacts your life so much and to feel like it is holding you back 😞 i have no advice on how to fix it, just solidarity. Thx for sharing

[@hrishikeshkulkarni9231]

how on earth can a person be so relatable?! you just described the past 2 years of my life fr

[@alysasapp2745]

thank you for being soooooo real. Been following forever and it’s so nice to see something so relatable. This video literally made me giggle bc I feeeeel everything you said.

[@prettypoetic]

5:35 I always have those thoughts. “Will this always be an issue and is this always gonna be my life?”. It’s already been 13 years this month. But I recently participated in a group and brought that up and the therapist told me the ups AND downs are a part of your recovery. As much as I don’t like it, it’s true. We definitely have to battle our minds on a DAILY basis and sometimes we have to do it minute after minute on some days. Also what’s helped me is my mantra “Less shame. More grace”. So if you can’t do anything other than rest, that is okay 💕 Sometimes self love and care is sleep when our mind, body, heart and soul is exhausted. We are getting through it 🙌🏽 And we are gonna fight it as long as it takes ❤ 10:36 truly being 100% healed is not a reality unfortunately. Because there will always be ups and downs in life in general but especially when we have a mental disorder. I resigned from my job in September after 3 years because of my mental health conditions 🙃 and for that I feel like a failure often. It sucks but I just try not to beat myself up about it as much as possible and remind myself that I’m doing what’s best for me and my mental.

[@MaijaQvisen-vu4in]

You did do your job; making one person feel better!! I'm sure you made sooo many people feel better and understood with this video, but at least it made me feel less alone. Literally thinking about showing this to my therapist bcs the way you explained how you feel and kind of the hopeless feelings that come with depressive episodes is so insanley relatable for me. Love you Reese❤

[@veronica.theswamphag]

Honestly, the way I see it is that everyone to a certain extent goes through this. None of us will EVER be able to "ride the high" forever and just "get better" and never be down again. So the way I've been able to struggle on and keep going is not getting frustrated by it anymore, and not getting hopeless, and letting go of that bullshit toxic positivity. Since I'm so early and I think you might see this comment, I'm gonna copy a little journal entry/poem I wrote about this, it may help, maybe not, either way here you go :)

[@AM-zo3mk]

What I'm about to comment probably has been said before but I cannot stay silent. Everything will be okay. We all have these days, weeks or even months. What I do is look for the reason my episode started (or what triggered me) and then force myself to do things to feel better (fulfilling my basic needs, like showers help a lot). I'm also looking for a therapist at the moment, who'll give me feedback on my thoughts because that's what I need , I need to break a negative pattern. Also, I'm trying not to overthink (emphasis on trying) and to remind myself that I need rest or that I am enough. Just some of my coping mechanisms I guess. Wish you the best. You're more than enough. 💖

[@natasha8518]

Hey Reese, been following you here for like 7 or so years now? im 22 now! despite your struggles you've been so inspiring and so real which I think most of us really admire of you. I relate with you so much, I feel like a true NPC in my own life, ups and downs, feeling like you're just wasting time and having 0 drive. regardless, you have made a positive impact on so many people whether you know it or not. I'm only learning to live with my own struggles and try tailor my life around it, because pressuring myself to be better before wanting to do better, doesn't work! gotta do in order to get right? but yeah its so hard to actually do .. also progress is simply not linear! we both have the sweet curse of introspection, like oh yeah I'm self-aware, but at what cost ☹︎ I totes disagree that you've wasted any time at all. these young years of the human experience are meant for this chronic dilemma because experiencing this pain will help guide us to finding purpose within ourselves whatever that may end up being. and there's no timeline or foretelling to define this! and we simply should never compare to what others are doing, they're in their own complex experience too, it only brings our spirits down in the time of social media n stuff. Aside from the complexities we all face, no matter how personal or public, I have a feeling we are going to be just fine, hard road to get there but it will come 💗

[@madison5787]

You're not alone bestie ❤️ im also mentally ill and like..."is this it"? It sucks i literally bawled in hot yoga this week. Anyway, I just wanted to give u some info to look into...Transcranial magnetic stimulation & deep brain stimulation are used for treatment resistant depression...I'm no Dr but I have an MSc in psyc. Also look into gut health & serotonin...that's where research is going rn ❤️ I hope you find a "path forward" - hope this helps ❤️❤️❤️ we love u

[@madison5787]

Also look into microdosing psilocybin for treatment resistant depression. It can help (see a dr or research center for it!)

[@lydiawilliams5440]

Hi Reese, I've never commented on any of your videos before, and I know what I say might not make you feel better, but I want you to know that you are so loved and valued just for being you. Not for how much you get done in a day. Not for how much you create. To echo other comments, it is okay to just be and to rest. You seem like you're very hard on yourself, but I want you to know that your content has helped me out so much. I also struggle with my mental health, and watching your videos makes me feel like I'm not alone. You are so smart and creative and kind. There's also no need to compare yourself to other KZbinrs and whatever success they might have...you are very successful because you have cultivated an audience of wonderful and caring individuals, and you continue to speak your truth in a world that tries to hide authenticity. You are a light, and I know depression is making it hard for you to see it, but it's never dimmed. Take care, the world is better with you in it 💗

[@kcool785]

Ty for posting this. ILY bestie. This is exactly how I was feeling and seeing so many ppl relate is def helping prevent a spiral rn 🫶

[@EmL-kg5gn]

I relate a lot to how you feel and I am so so so so sorry. It isn’t fair, it’s not your fault. You’d feel better if you could, we all would. And I know you might not be feeling any better yet but you are surviving and that is such a big accomplishment for anyone with depression. Maybe you won’t be able to use your creativity and all the other things you love about yourself the way you’d like to, but every time you make it through an episode like this you’ve kept yourself and those things alive! You’ve given yourself and your creativity another chance! It’s okay if it’s just a little chance, if it’s just enough for another high. Those really do matter. And you matter just as much as anyone no matter what you can or can’t do ❤️

[@thethinkerer]

Is that a tortie! It is all tough, for sure. Seems like an epidemic. Has anybody been happy since 2019? We are out here struggling, noticing the signs, and learning...

[@amityfranks5862]

Yup, me too, I really relate! To all those thoughts that I've never told anyone. I've been concerned about my ability to hold down a job too. But I'm a nurse and can work casually so can tweak it dependent on how I'm going mentally. I work far less than fulltime. But the job security is ok cus they're always short staffed and I get as much work as I want. Just an example of a job that works with temperamental MH. Also ECT is still a thing! The electric shocks. Hope you feel better soon xx

[@Sleenkies]

As someone who also struggles with mental health, I will never stop supporting you. Your content always made me feel less alone and has helped me to better myself in so many ways. You’re not alone. Don’t give up ❤

[@naiaraoderiz7679]

Same here, thank you for posting this! Hoping life gets easier for us💖

[@sj4761]

You're a real one and TRUST ME you're not alone. We have so many things in common. I'm also vegan and mentally ill on medications. I've been riding this depression train my whole life. The ups and downs are annoying as hell. It feels so hopeful at times, then others I'm at rock bottom. I realized trying to be neutral, happy and "normal" is exhausting and its a lifelong battle. But you know why you're still here? To help people like me. I adore you and you truly feel like a friend. Thank you for just being you. I like watching you make meals and your cute animals and trying your best. We will always be on this mental rollercoaster, but you have a purpose. And I appreciate you xo