Battle School Series 1 Episode 10

we present our below john the battle school featuring john laurie, arnold ridley and ian lavender with this week's guests, jack watson and alan tilburn. Here is the news, and this is john snagg reading it, as britain continues the struggle against the nazi aggressor.
The guarant men of the home guard are constantly on the lookout for new ways To outwit the devilish hum at the church hall in wallington on sea. Captain mannering has devised yet another brilliant scheme, which is platoon, are standing by ready to put into operation. As you know, man we're going to battle school this weekend and it's quite on the cards.
Major smith. The ceo of the school may be coming along here tonight to observe our training, so I want you to be on your toes now. If you pay attention to this Blackboard you'll see that i've drawn this representation of a german tank.
I realize i'm not exactly van gogh. No sir, no. I wanted to observe the following points: heavy armor in the front, usually four inch plating, a 40 50 or 60 millimeter repeating cannon here; heavy machine guns here and here light machine guns here here - and here Excuse me just where was that here: that's all right! Just checking carry on carry on, thank you and here a high-pressure flamethrower at the front, a very formidable opponent indeed, now, how are we gon na? Take it well come along.
Ask me some suggestions, permission to Make the suggestion, sir. Yes, how about sugar? Sir? What to do with it, we stick it in the petrol tanks and the engine fizzles out. I think it's very good idea.
Don't you will yeah? That is a very good idea. Yes, make an application for an extra sugar, but doesn't it work? You can always use the rest in our tea right. What about potatoes? Sir potatoes? Yes, you found them on the exhaust and the gases can't escape and The engine stops.
I see well, unfortunately, goblin jones, these nazi tanks have been designed with long thin exhaust outlets. Maybe we could get long thin potatoes should I put in an order for some long thin potatoes. You do that.
Listen, yes, and if that doesn't work, we can have some chips. Well now we have two interesting suggestions which have stimulated the Most useful discussion hello. Tonight.
We shall concentrate on my method now. These are the things we should be using hold them up wilson, as I describe them, one blanket one blanket one to the petrol ones in a petrol one crowbar one cro, crowbar petrol bombs, natural bonds and, last but not least, one box of matches, one box of Masses We place ourselves under cover carefully concealed from the enemy here. Here we have a tank coming and, as it draws level, the first man pours petrol over the blanket breaks, cover and rushes up to the tank that you pike.
Oh me, yes, you and you throw the blankets into the tracks. You got that. Well, I think so.
Yes, then, landscape jones will run out and set fire to the blanket Light them and drop them into the aperture. Any questions aye. What will you be doing? I should be observing from behind cover deciding whether to send in the second wave.
Now before we start. The whole success of this operation depends on the decoy. Someone must take the attention of the tank crew away from us Godfrey.
You can be the decoy. Oh, oh, thank you very much right now. Let's try this through my numbers back.
You go down into that corner over there with a blanket right. Excuse me, razor walker, stand by the crowbar. Excuse me captain remembering: oh yes, sir, I made dismiss oh, how did you say it you're just in time we're about to start a dummy attack right country Stand over here at wilson, you uh? What exactly are you going to attack mannering, a german texan? You see the diagram on the board.
Oh! Is that what it is? I thought it was a trolley bus. Oh, do carry on. Yes, sir.
That was you're. The tank go to the end of the room, stand by all right off. We go tank moves forward right, coffee, attract the tank's attention.
I say: that's so good, i'm sorry, mr murray! Sorry, I didn't hear the tank coming. No, no! It didn't all right. No, don't stop stop everything.
I was talking again and this time wilson try and make a noise like a tank, i'm always there, but i'm afraid, i'm not really sure what sort of noise attack makes. Of course you do it. Maybe it's like a sort of uh Idea.
How would you describe it? Well, it's uh. It's a sort of a rumbling sound. They are it's a rumbling, sound, oh, no, not really! So! No! I haven't just improvised it all right.
Standby off. Your tank rumble rumble [ Applause, ], [, Music, ] where's, the flaming right. I can all relax for a minute.