Battling Weight Gain , Loss & Estrangement - Women Over 60 Speak Up!

[@TheBakingDiva]

You are right……sad is sad. My wonderful husband passed away it will be two weeks tomorrow. One minute I think I am ok and the next I’m bursting out in tears. Not sure if the tears will ever stop. The shower is a good place for that. He was my one and only and my life will never be the same. My grief is raw and I know I have a long way to go. I am thankful for my children and grandsons but it’s not the same. Over 57 years of married memories but right now they are too painful to bring me joy because I miss him so much. I feel like I will wake up and find out it was just a bad dream but that isn’t happening. He loved me so much and I will so miss him not telling me that . Getting old is not easy but I know he would not want me to be sad. I told him before he passed that when my times comes he better come and get me. I’m counting on that. 💔🙏Anyone who has lost a spouse knows what I am talking about and life will go on but it will always be different.

[@Frenchie_007]

I’m so very sorry for your loss 💔. I can’t imagine what you’re going through…. My prayers are with you 🌹

[@LittlePoet]

Oh my sweet friend, you are in my thoughts every day...I watched your tribute to your husband and I just cried and cried. You spoke for so many women...sad is sad is sad. Too tired to even give the feelings names...but you go on...somehow, you do. I am sending you so much love and hugs, you are one of best women I have ever known...so kind and so thoughtful without wanting credit...beautiful lady you are and always will be. xxoo love always, Susan

[@TheBakingDiva]

@@LittlePoet thank you Susan. My heart is broken 💔🙏

[@LittlePoet]

@@TheBakingDiva sending love....please take care of yourself during this terrible time xoxoxo

[@susaninsocal550]

@TheBakingDiva I'm so very sorry for your loss. My sweet husband passed away at the end of January this year. It's so very painful. And yes, I'm very, very thankful for my adult children and grandchildren. My mom used to say, "getting old isn't for the weak" but at times it sure is darn hard to find strength.

[@teresahudson-lk7dw]

I am a 71 year old widow of a Cheating ,liar and sad uncaring man. I really lost who I am trying to make someone happy that did not care for his wife and children. He passed away four years ago. I have learned that I am pretty darn good at getting things done without him and managing to make peace with myself for caring too much for a man that really did not deserve it. What life I have left i hope to find joy in the men I raised, my grand. daughter and just having the freedom to do as i darn please

[@jacquiliddell7680]

I have a similar life, I am 75 this year, and he’s still here,.! What stopped me from getting out people asked, he took my confidence away and personality and I feel frozen .

[@jujubunnybea]

💪🤜🤛👍… 🥰

[@terrilowe3530]

I’m so glad for you to be free from that man! You tickled me pink! Your life seems so rich now. Love❤

[@JD-tn5tb]

@@jacquiliddell7680 - It must be hard to leave someone at 75, especially if you don't have the financial means. If you have to stay with him, I hope you find a way to ignore him and be happy anyway. I never married and when I hear stories like yours, I feel such relief that I don't have to deal with anybody and can just live life. Much peace and happiness to you.

[@jeanettehigginbotham]

My heart goes out to you. That happened to me in my first marriage. I luckily escaped, was dirt poor, but the moment i left i had peace. Im praying for you. You deserve joy! @@jacquiliddell7680

[@marypeterson1053]

I chose to wake-up happy. I sleep in because I want to. I eat dessert first..I'm a very happy 78 year old. God bless ladies...be good to you.

[@PossumLover1111]

I love your simple yet profound post. Thanks. Made me smile.

[@dannettepeters1507]

GOD BLESS you too, Mary!

[@sydneymartin7638]

You’re so right! Everything in life is a choice. We can make better choices. We can make different choices. We don’t need to hurry making those choices either. We can spend some time thinking about what is best under the circumstances. 😉

[@jacqui.amelie]

This spoke to me thank you 🌹

[@BR-kk9qu]

This is simple, non complicated wisdom!

[@royewith8925]

Hi Susan I have to comment today. I’m 81 and I’m really connecting with what you are saying today. My mother’s brother also “HURT” me when I was five. I didn’t know how to tell my mom what happened. I told that he hurt me. She didn’t know what I meant she just said, Well stay away from him. It was always with me. I was married 4 times. I wasn’t able to be a very sexual wife. I really relate to all the things you are talking about in this video. Thank you so much. Keep up your wonderful videos. I look forward to seeing you have posted another one. By the way I went back to school at 49 and became a nurse. 🥰🥰

[@bethquaranta6566]

Welcome to the wondrous world of nursing!

[@angelinadrobina5037]

I just wanted to send you my love from Tasmania Australia 💛💛

[@andrealazar1556]

I'm sorry that this happened to you *hugs*

[@doreenantonopoulos2442]

🙏❤️🙏

[@Kathy-kr1sv]

Well done Nurse ❤. Sorry about that uncle. Mine was a cousin. Never told anyone and yes it did effect me and my life. Stay lovely and be happy 🌹

[@WendysHere]

I find myself tearing up often. I miss the old days. I miss everyone. My parents. My grandparents. My aunts and uncles. I feel so forgotten. It feels like I’m grieving over the loss of friends, family, memories and my kids not being little and needing me anymore. I do stay busy mostly but then memories enter my mind or the night comes and the quiet gets louder. This time of my life hurts. Being lonely hurts. It feels like everything is over.

[@laurievanzon2126]

You look young and still have many years to have a fulfilling life! Please get out and meet people. Volunteer or try a part time job. Call old friends and invite them to get together. You will feel better!

[@laubru010]

Oh yes! You have a lot of life in you! YOU are who others will miss someday because of the life you live. Bake the cookies, take the walk, buy a new dress & wear it for no reason. I am 63 and had basically stopped myself from so much joy. Today...I bowled! I actually bowled with my grandson. It was exhilarating and let me tell you I am out of shape but I did it anyway. I hope you find some new or revive something old that you enjoyed this very week!! May God bless you!

[@shelly7405]

I agree, thank you for sharing.

[@suzannemeade6335]

Oh dear I feel ya exactly. I was never loved my whole life. Forgotten. I have retired from State service and work a part time job. I will be 68 soon and can't wait to die

[@Mygardenspace]

I’m 65 and still selling real estate and gardening. I make sure every morning to plan my day. With a plan it all goes better. Yes someday my plans get hijacked but I keep them flexible and add it to my new plan for tomorrow! lol

[@roseannseedorf1595]

I think people need to remember that staying away from people that are toxic in your life is a good thing. You do not have to forgive everyone who hurt you. You can live your life happily and not forgive them. Some things are unforgivable. Not forgiving is ok too.

[@Lauren-i8i]

Rose, I hear you. The Bible says we should forgive others as Christ has forgiven us. I’ve been hurt SO much in my life and have held grudges for DECADES. But trying my hardest to forgive when it seemed impossible helped release me. I didn’t even know chains were around me until they lifted off my shoulders. It felt like a tangible thing was gone and it helped me very much. 💕💕💕

[@laubru010]

Just recently I am recovering from a horrible depression. I started to a Ladies Bible study, then to church again after years of just being too hurt by past experiences, I took a longer walk than I even thought that I could. Oh the limits I had self imposed...today, after 15 years of saying, "I will never again be able"...I went bowling with my 18 year old grandson! I bowled! I did it! I am not sore, I did not fall, I did.not drop the ball! I did well...even bowled a strike. Most importantly I broke down another barier that I had set for myself and made a great memory with with grandson that I hope lasts him throughout his life. ❤

[@sharondoan1447]

Such happy news! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us.

[@HighPriestess-x2e]

Beautiful!!! Keep on glowing and keep on growing!!!

[@LittlePoet]

I am so happy for you!!!

[@AnaFernandez-jp5uh]

The last time I went bowling, the ball slipped off my fingers when I pull it back. Good thing everyone ducked. I was so embarrassed. Everyone clapped. It made me feel better. You have to be able to laugh at yourself to enjoy life.

[@chrisrollings2408]

I totally have the same feeling about ‘one more thing’ we want to do, but I think that’s what helps us stay vital and enjoying life. As you say, we have to keep moving forward as well as being ‘grateful’ for what we have. Just love Desi singing with you at the end of your videos too ❤

[@kimharris6649]

This is not intended to sound churchy.... I am 70 and single (with many relationships) for 48 yrs. My faith gets me through loneliness and anything else . I ask the Holy Spirit to comfort me and He always does! My personal relationship with my Jesus is everything!🙏❤️🙏😘

[@Frenchie_007]

I love your comment. Thank you for posting.

[@christchurchpjs7430]

Yes, He is the faithful Lover of our Souls!

[@natnielsen8472]

Hi kim, you don't sound churchy at all - you're just sharing the truth, and it's real - it's beautiful. There's nothing better than a loving relationship with The One who created our soul - no one can ever know us like He does - no one can ever comfort, heal, and console our heart the way He does. He's The Savior who forgave us so deeply that He gave His life to redeem us. He is the One who taught us how to forgive others so that we can be free - there is so much joy in that freedom - no more baggage to weigh us down:-)

[@kimharris6649]

@@natnielsen8472 Beautiful truth!

[@k.goldstein5664]

Hey Kim, You don’t sound “churchy”, and so what if someone thought you did? You never have to apologize for sharing your feelings about your faith. The Bible says we’re not supposed to do that. If you deny knowing Christ, he will deny knowing you before his Father. So be proud and unapologetic. 🙏

[@ZoetheCat-nu2mo]

I’ve watched your channel for quite a while but just subscribed. This video in particular really resonated with me. I’m 63 years old and I am one of those people you mention who look like they have it all going on. I have no financial worries, people who care about me and a husband who I know loves me. And yet, it is not a happy marriage for many reasons. I truly am grateful for what I have. I know many who have it far worse. But I often find myself thinking about the “good old days.” I’m not even really sure the good days were all that great, but it sure seems so in retrospect. I guess I want a “do over.” There are so many things I would do differently. I’m sometimes depressed knowing that I have a lot more yesterdays than tomorrows. But one thing I know for sure is that I will not give up. No matter what, there is still much to live for. I am touched by the stories of all those who comment here. My heart goes out to all who are hurting.

[@LittlePoet]

I cried when I read your words tonight...there is so much positive emotion when I meet other women who are going through some of the same things I am...it truly makes me feel not so alone in my thoughts. Yes, we are fine...but we do long for our last hurrah...a goal..a path that leads us to a greater understanding of why we were put on earth...thank you so much for being here...this channel seems to have an overabundance of warm wonderful women willing to dig deep and move forward. My Love to you and yours, Susan & Desi

[@mlm7598]

I can truly relate to the message you have shared. At 77 years old I feel exactly the same. If I didn't know better I would have thought it was something I had written. I wonder how many of us feel this same way? Better yet, why do we not act on the things we think/dream about, what holds us back? A good question! This world is so different than when we grew up or even in the past 10-20 years. It's like a totally different world than we knew, yet it isn't. How do we fit into today's world with keeping our standards and that part of our world that made us who we are and feel comfortable doing so? Difficult perhaps to put to words, yet I am thinking people understand. Blessings

[@dianabrown833]

If you know about med beds, you know there is a 'do-over'! Never give up hope, I am confident about the future.

[@pilarkrol]

Sending you so much love from the Netherlands ❤️🙏🏼✨️🕊

[@thefairyqueen369]

@@dianabrown833 I completely understand you......I am waiting for Elon Musk to start making the med beds, he has the money to do this and help Humanity so much! But I have the feeling that big Pharma may have told him you can go into anything but not the medical industry, that is ours!! Perhaps someone on his new ex platform can send him a message, sow the seed......I dont belong to any platforms as I grew up in the era that we didn't have them lol, so its not my thing and commenting like this is as much as I do:) Have a great day!

[@SuperGreycloud]

The older I get, the more I realize I was truly happy back in the 80's yet I remember always complaining about it. Sometimes, you don't realize what you have till it's gone.

[@dsoule4902]

... indeed. Even when we think we appreciate them... after they Walk On, ... ya just don't know. Walking a path and as loved ones drop off, were left with a thinning pack. New people join in but they cant replace what's lost. I do better just accepting the losses- not trying to stop the grief-- but keep moving. God has kept me here for a reason.

[@autiemuse]

Joni Mitchell-"Why's it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?" from Big Yellow Taxi

[@RoxannSnyder]

Then I wonder if I’m doing the same thing now.

[@beverlycowan6025]

I just retired 65 the first thing I did was join the city community centre ,lots goes on lots of exercises classes picket ball swim exercise classes,playing card and knitting classes cooking classes sowing classes and much more I had to step into my new life yes I was scared but ever time I do something I am scared of I get so much in return,I am living my best life 65 single and most of all happy❤

[@karenskitchenkaraoke1442]

So happy for you..sounds like you are really enjoying life to the fullest....

[@anastasiaromanov3737]

Single woman has better mental health than married woman, one study said. Be happy🎉❤❤ eternally.😂😂

[@thefairyqueen369]

What you are doing is called creating your reality...keep going and enjoy ever second of your new discoveries!:)

[@lexreport6627]

Where do you live? Sounds like a nice place that helps the community

[@beverlycowan6025]

I live in St.Cathrines Ontario

[@hippiegirl5167]

I am 71 and I feel like I am not a part of this world anymore. I will go to town sometimes just to be around people. I guess it makes me feel like I’m a part of something.

[@sabine3769]

I understand. Then we get home and nothing changed. I feel same way.

[@laubru010]

Oh you ARE a part of something every day! This big wide world of wonder. We each have so much to offer others. Sometimes we just have to do something, no matter how small, that we have never done before. Blessings!!

[@vickig7261]

Same here some days.

[@cherylthepearl827]

Wish we knew one another and could go out to lunch and shop or just sit and talk with a cup of tea. ❤️✝️🌺

[@pattyallen5313]

​@@ncsprung1847I know how you feel. I lost my dear husband when I was 60 and he was 66. The second year after his loss was harder so be patient with yourself. Please find a good Christian church so that you can be around good people who love the Lord and who could bless you so you won't become isolated which can lead to deeper depression. God Bless you.

[@mikkiismyname]

I'm 61, retired divorcee of many years. Former social worker, one grown son who lives on the west coast. I'm on the east coast in a small town. I've read every comment here and they've been life affirming. A reminder that we all are trying to cope some doing better than others. I cried yesterday and it was a mournful one but healing. I felt that I had a clearer connection to God after releasing the tears. I experienced a revelation of many things that I've read here so your video, Susan is confirmation for me. I pray that God will grant us all the perfect measure of grace as we go through this journey.❤

[@raventyson]

So adorable seeing Desi in his own backyard at the fence. Nose to nose with the neighbor dog, enjoying life! Great video Susan, as always!

[@juliefizpatrick513]

I love Desi so much-he never fails to make me smile😊🤗

[@kiwiang983]

Does Desi get to have a play date with the little dog next door . Could you leave a little gap at the bottom of your new privacy fence for Desi and Zoe ❤😇

[@deborahpellerito6117]

Desi is everything ❤

[@flossyflue4305]

Dogs are so special to us. They love to have friends like us. My G.D and I have a wonderful relationship like everyone else.

[@sallydalton3794]

I have a difficult time knowing what to say in a comment, even though I can think of things that I want to say while you're talking. I think that we all must feel like you're our friend. I'm 75 and struggling with disability, live in a low income apt, am grateful to have an affordable place to live where I feel safe, but I feel like I've kind of given up, rarely look in the mirror and fix myself up. I am a Christian and like to spend time each morning saying a prayer and reading some devotionals, which I love. Watching your videos help inspire me to do better. Thank you, I had to have my little dog put to sleep a little over a year ago and I'm still grieving, so I just love seeing Desi. Sorry, I'm awkward at knowing what to say. Love to you and Desi💖

[@Frenchie_007]

I’m so sorry for your loss…💔

[@judestretton4264]

I’m sorry for your loss too. I feel the same about commenting. God Bless

[@heidi5452]

Your comment was perfect, Sally. God loves you, he sees you and he's with you all the time❤

[@wendybowman5305]

thanks for the sharing. It is a great to comment and in doing this know you are seen and heard. Am sorry about your beloved dog. I had to do the same with my Wiley a number of years ago and it is so difficult. They are members of the family. I am ok now, however, it took a few years to be ok with his passing. I never thought I would be affected so deeply. sorry to hear you are struggling and just know on a site like this you are not alone. I love the videos and the caring and sharing present here.a great community

[@dra551]

Your comment was wonderful! I know the pain of having to put a loved animal to sleep. I am so sorry. Sending you a big hug!

[@user-of8dm3yk1q]

Hello Susan, A great video. I am 77 years old, widowed for 12 years this coming December and often feel something is missing. There is, my mate is gone and I am alone. There is my knitting group, my Bible Study class, church , and I volunteer at a wonderful antiques houses gardens. Still, something is missing. Other women are either wrapped up in their family life or just don't want to socialize. Thankfully, I have given myself a good talking to and am putting my self discipline to use by being organized and having a daily purpose each day. Life is what we make it, and I work to make mine well rounded and as happy as I possibly can. I too have a little rescue dog named Marvin and he brings me such laughter and joy. As you and Desi do! I love your duets, it just makes me so happy when the two of you sign off together. Your videos are uplifting and spot on with we Golden Girls issues. Be blessed, laugh, and hug that sweet Desi for me. Carol

[@maureenleclair8773]

At the end of 2009, my daughter went to prison for a car accident that she had caused. Six weeks after that, my husband died. I am here with my 29 year old grandson, for whom I am so grateful. I continued to work until I was 75 in 2019. When I retired I had all kinds of plans of things that I wanted to do. I was only out of work for a very short time when Covid hit and we were all stuck in the house. I didn't have Covid, but all I heard was about elderly people dying and it through me for a loop. I got through that and as Covid was winding down, my legs decided to not work. I couldn't even stand. I had back surgery, and I can walk with a walker, but it's not the same as just getting up and moving on your own. You mentioned about your weight. It also works the other way, too. When I couldn't walk, I decided to lose weight so I could get around better. I have lost about 100 lbs, but I look in the mirror and I don't see it. My clothes don't fit, but I can't see it. So I am trying to cope with it all. If I start to feel sorry for myself, my grandson gives me a pep talk on how far I've come in the past two years. I'm almost 80 and I don't know where to go from here. This is too long, but that's how I feel. ❤🙏❤

[@sabinekoch3448]

Not too long at all… you are an inspiration.🫂🫂

[@loriar1027]

Sounds like you are a real blessing to your family and are in turn bless by a wonderful grandson. Keep hanging in there doing whatever you can do. ❤

[@sunalouw348]

Also have those feelings sometimes but I refuse to feel sorry for myself as I don't want to fall into depression. I rather look for something to do and keep my mind occupied. Music also helps.

[@florence1395]

Hi, just thought I’d tell you about life here, not USA. UK 🇬🇧 & France 🇫🇷 my husband of 44 yrs died within 4 x weeks of Pancreatic Cancer 2020 ♋️ then in 2021 my 50 yr old brother died of COVID then 3 days later my rescue dog Big K died. Then I fell down the stairs & broke my foot in half & the toes on top of my fibromyalgia life has been hard. What is hard it’s not being 65 it’s the way we are treated as if we are idiots & that’s not good. I wish you well & send love & hope to you & all. ❤️‍🩹 I would say being older is easier in France 🇫🇷 than the UK 🇬🇧

[@JB-pd4ni]

That is a difficult path in life. You were wise and determined to keep your weight down so you still have that spark for life. Blessings To You, Joy

[@CH-vf5ys]

I am 67. Married 42 years, kids, grandchildren all live close by. When I retired six years ago, I felt such relief and happiness. Not having to do my hair and make-up every day, come home exhausted, etc. I truly appreciate and cherish every single day. Volunteer work has been the answer for me-- it brings me such joy to help others. Love you and sweetie little Desi.

[@Julia29853]

What do you do for your volunteer work?

[@peggyduncanbaggenstoss5380]

This is a good video. For many years I have gotten up and say to the mirrors”God what are we going to do today?” HE always comes through with good results. As a retired nurse I have many opportunities to serve others in many ways. I also “dress to connect” with always one piece of clothing or jewelry that’s a pop and conversation starter. It brings a conversation with strangers that can become friends.

[@IrelandLochlin]

In my case, I have a toxic narcisstic sister that I had to go no contact with. She had hated me for decades, even threatening my life at one point. It was the most difficult decision in my life that was not made easily, but I have so much more peace and better health in my life. Just my story. Im 65. Best wishes❤

[@HelenVaughn-un6de]

I just went no-contact with my sister as she never brought me anything but negative.

[@sirtedricwalker2979]

I've had to put boundaries up on toxic relatives

[@scota73]

I did the same right after mom passed also with my very toxic stepdaughter who has done so much to harm me. My hubby is struggling with it since it’s his daughter. He doesn’t see that she’s a narcissist but maybe someday. She’s so mean to him as well.

[@yvonneb-t3d]

I've also had to do that with my sisters and mother. Peace is all I want at this stage of my life, I'm 63

[@IrelandLochlin]

​@@HelenVaughn-un6de Thank you and I understand. Despite everything she is and will always be my sister. I SO envy those who have a good relationship with siblings into their old age. It is such a profoundly sad situation BUT I realized the emotional abuse in particular would NEVER end. I HAD to do it for my own sanity and happiness. It is what it is. Bless you.

[@shelleysquires7225]

I studied Expressive Art Therapy...there are many creative ways to express oneself...I am grateful that here in Cosra Rica, I have one good friend. We confide in eachother and express lots of emotion all the time However, I spend most of my time alone. Yes, the times they are a changing, but that started long ago...discipline is the difference between being wild and being free. ..my dance teacher used to say...at 68, I've lost 65 lbs with 10 to go. Everyday I get up, meditate, write in my journal, exercise and dance...then I say What am I gonna do today? These days I am learning new computer skills so that takes up some of my time...🌺 🇨🇷 🌺

[@judydahl1683]

Don't stress about life. It is over before we know it. Find something to enjoy, no matter how big or small. Love seeing Desi with his doggie friend. So sweet.

[@Frenchie_007]

Thank you for your words. It’s 4:36am in Idaho and I have been stressing…. Your words have given me some comfort.

[@jeannestauffer682]

Susan, you speak to us, and you speak for us………..thank you for sharing darling DESI…😊😊😊😊❤❤❤❤❤

[@ashleybergstrom8934]

AGREE

[@brookemcgillivray180]

This was a lovely video. It really hit home with me. My husband died almost three years ago, and while I still miss him and am aware of him every day the thing I struggle with is what do I do with my life. We had finally retired, we had dreams and goals, but they died with him. I’ve been journaling a lot about this lately because I want purpose back in my life. I want to fix myself proper meals again and go to bed when I should. I want to buy a pretty dress and feel good wearing it. I guess that sounds silly 😊. But truly I want to find that one thing that is still left for me to do. Your words and the study you shared made me realize I’m not alone in this. Thank you so much.

[@laubru010]

What color will that dress be? Oh how wonderful!! I am 🎉🎉🎉celebrating this with you! Oh and I'll bet you are a great cook and someone in your life would love a surprise dinner invitation!

[@sabine3769]

I'm so discouraged with life on this planet. So much evil pain and destruction. I feel despair tonight.

[@jeanettec6212]

Sabine I just prayed for you. Im so sorry. Keep holding on and just believe God has this and he will come through! Hugs!

[@monikaw1369]

Sabine, you are loved! At times it seems as though no one cares, but they do they just don’t know how to show you.

[@Ms.Stephanie.C]

I’ve been listening to binaural beats & Hertz healing music on KZbin for anxiety, & I do think it helps. Maybe search for that on KZbin, it may take a few tries to find one that works for you. I hope you feel better. 💗

[@vickig7261]

I understand. It's a lot.

[@debbiewatermelon]

Its been like that for most of history. Death destruction torture slavery but there were also Renaissances. Hope for a new one that WE are part of. A better humanity.

[@jeanettec6212]

Susan I already left a comment but wanted to share something that popped in my mind. I remember a woman who was older then me that I use to work with. I always cared for older people. I would carry her heavy boxes of files to her desk or unload it even though I had my own and a bad back. She didnt really like me because I didnt fit in the click. I was a christian and I didnt do the cussing and gossip junk. I became there gossip. She would complain how she had 2 more years and could finally retire. I ended up quitting but found out right before she retired she died. It saddened me. I still like her and didnt care how she felt about me. My heart broke that she worked so hard and for so long and all she did was talk about how much longer she had. Anyway,….I hope she knew Jesus. She never wanted to hear about him. Hopefully she did in her own time. I never preached him because it would not be allowed but I stood for him! I try to stand for myself because no one else will. He heals the broken hearted and he binds up their wounds.

[@LittlePoet]

You beautiful you are ...God is great! xxoo Much love to you always, Susan

[@Lauren-i8i]

At one time my heart was completely destroyed and I told Jesus if He healed me I would stand for Him. He did - so here I am. The Bible says the Lord specializes in healing broken hearts. But we must ASK. It hurt so bad I never thought it could be fixed but Jesus did the job! 💕💕💕

[@jeanettec6212]

@@LittlePoet awe Susan, thank you! Hugs

[@Shell0003]

THANK -you soooooooooooo very much for the singing with DESI .....it makes my night. I think Desi has a crush on ZOEY !! When you put a fence up you can leave a small section open for DESI and ZOEY . You can plant a beautiful bush in front for privacy but still give Desi access to see Zoey. WHAT DO YOU THINK SUE????

[@elizabethann8228]

I was thinking this too! A cutout for Desi and his friend. Maybe a little long so they can run together? 🩷💙🐾

[@Shell0003]

@@elizabethann8228 Yes I hope Sue does something like that . I love it that Desi has such a great life now that Sue has adopted him . He is soooo LOVED !!!

[@lanelleroper7710]

Susan, everything that the people said in the study and what you said really resonates with me so much! I lost my husband of 43 years this past March and my firstborn son two years ago when he was only 38. I feel so lost and alone. I keep remembering what me and my husband always did together and I miss him so much. Nothing is exciting in life for me anymore! I pray to God constantly to bring me peace. I just don’t know how to carry on alone as I have never had to before. I went straight from my parents to my husband when I was only 18. Now it has been 43 years with him and I am now 63. Your channel has helped me so much and I just want to thank you for your channel and all your wonderful insight❤️

[@susaninsocal550]

I lost my husband in January of this year. I feel your pain. I had previously only been alone for about 2 years of my adult life.

[@Kitchensurprise]

I am 74 and have been through most of the experiences you have discussed. My husband died a year and a half ago after a 6 month devastating decline and my Mother died 2 months later the day before my birthday. I was in a state of shock. I had my daughter and grandkids come and help me get rid of all his clothes, etc. I changed all the decor in my entire home. I was so mad and hurt he left me and all the terrible events of the 6 months he struggled went around and around my head and heart. We were married 52 years and loved each other dearly. With the support of my two sisters and my daughter, I have come to terms with his loss. I miss him everyday but know he wouldn’t want to live a compromised life. ( that is what I have to believe) I have transformed my yard into a lush haven of beds filled with roses and even have an herb garden I refer to as “ the farm”. I quilt, cross stitch, knit a little and intend to learn crochet. I am a hostess for my family for all special occasions and anytime I can get someone to come for lunch. I pray for health and happiness for all who are lonely.

[@Lauren-i8i]

I’m sorry for your losses. 🌸

[@natnielsen8472]

You have a super approach to enjoying your life. Thank you for sharing the love that you both had for each other for 52 years, but even more so thank you for not indulging in a pity party for yourself. Your embracing your new season of life after having a long successful marriage. There are so many other spouses who never got to enjoy the married life they planned on when they took their vows. They've had to struggle in life at young to middle ages with the sorrow of loss. You are a very good example to others. Keep sharing and hopefully it will provide a lovingly positive incentive to others to overcome their sorrows and pain❤

[@comfortcreekranch4948]

Susan... These words of yours touched me tonight. I have no words, for my emotions, I run. unexpressed, emotion. Emotions, unheard. But, there is One Who eagerly waits for me to talk to Him. My Lord Jesus Christ, he hears, He cares, what would I do without Him? ❤️

[@LittlePoet]

So beautiful....and I hope you find the earthly words you may need. Much love to you always, Susan & Desi

[@deborahpellerito6117]

Amen

[@1955dmb]

@comfortcreekranch4948 You expressed it very well. As humans we will always be left with a yearning if we expect someone else to fill our needs. We counted on it! God created us with a space that only He can fill. It's good to get to the point that we recognize this because otherwise, we chase what is not catchable and we might miss the most important relationship we can develop with the Lord. We were created to be a child of God and a friend of Jesus. He understands us and is always with us. Once we realize this, we can enjoy others much more - without expecting too much from them. And it's good to know that others understand these emotions.

[@dsoule4902]

I got laryngitis for two months after my brother passed. Someone had said "well you have us- so what's your problem?" The loss was literally - unspeakable. Months and months later I felt gratitude when I thought of him ... I knew that heavy, consuming physical weight of the acute grief was finished

[@1955dmb]

@@dsoule4902 That first period of time seems unbearable. My wonderful brother died on his honeymoon in France, just one week after his wedding. He was leaning on a fountain after having a meal with his wife and just fell over, already gone from this earth. He was 27 and in perfect health. Every single morning when I woke up, I had to remember it again and I would scream, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". This happened in 1985. But mercifully, that first stage of grief does pass. We are never the same, but we can go on. Laryngitis represents all I had to say about it. No words were going to fix it or explain it.

[@marciabell2903]

I’m 71 and my children live out of state. It’s just me. I think it’s important to stay busy. Everyday I give myself a job to accomplish. I walk my little dog. Talk to neighbors. Get out and window shop. Have lunch with friends. Getting dressed and makeup on every day helps me feel better.

[@leftybelle7022]

I use the same strategy since my husband passed last year. I try to have something to do every day. I exercise, meditate, meet friends for lunch... My strategy works pretty well, but bottom line is, it still sucks that my husband is gone and I'm going to be 70, and...yikes!

[@conniemurphyover70stillgla47]

I love this quote. “ if the grass looks greener on the other side water your side more”. Peace be with you all❤

[@queens6583]

Great quote!

[@Trish-np6gn]

I modified this quote a bit, “If the grass looks greener on the other side, it’s probably Astro Turf”.

[@brigittavanderputten3596]

I was talking to my sister yesterday and she is always doing something when we're on the phone together. She says she has little down time for herself. She is someone who meditates everyday and has followed a spiritual path for decades and is "evolved". Yet, when i talk to anyone on the phone, i am present, without doing something. I told her i'm rarely bored, even if i'm doing nothing. I know i could be doing more but i don't feel the need to be busy all the time. I'm introspective and a thinker so thise times are important to me. I was a single mother and worked so this time in my life, without a schedule is well deserved. From the outside, i quess i seem boring but my inner world is rich. The thing i've learned is to leave the self judgement behind and not be too hard on myself.

[@marypucci6814]

It’s hard to deal with a family member when they won’t talk with you! There are no words to describe that pain-living without my child and grandchild. I keep them in my prayers and will never give up hope.

[@jerseystotler3615]

I haven't seen or spoken to my only child or my 4 grandchildren in 10 years!! I have known the heartache. Until one day I just gave it to God and it quited down my despair and depression. She has never given me a real reason for her shutting down to me, but when her Dad and I divorced she blamed me, but she was in her 20s then. But now I live on a rural farm by myself with my pets and I am at peace.

[@DebbieFritch]

Same😢

[@Almosthomeforever]

@@jerseystotler3615yes…same

[@ashleybergstrom8934]

I have been going through the same experience for over ten years now. NO words to describe the pain. Reached out so many times with silence in return. You are not alone Mary. My heart aches for you and a warm understanding hug for you.

[@bevb752]

Same here. My 3 children have decided that I am at fault for my divorce from their father even though he is the one who was unfaithful. When I told my kids I would be divorcing their dad I told them not to think bad of him. He is their father. Little did I know they would turn against me. He has turned them against me. My grandchildren don’t know me. It’s sad for me and them. 😢

[@LindaGillespie-v4j]

I forgiven you not because you have apologized not because you recognized the hurt and pain you have caused but because my Soul needs peace. It is not about them. I have lived long enough to recognize that forgiving them does not change their actions. God Bless.

[@virgierutledge3004]

I forgive but never forget the betrayal of those three much older than I who defiled me and those who did nothing about it when I told them. Jesus saved me and live in me, is my only hope.

[@heidibee501]

I have been walking with God since l was six but that connection was never as profound as it is now that my loved ones are gone. Each time l lost someone l lamented. And one day after l lost my last dearest friend l felt really empty. We would complain to each other and joke about it. So l complained to HIM and the answer was, "think about it." I did and l realized that l was lucky l had these people as long as l did. They changed me for the better.

[@Alicia-pi1qw]

“When I gave up on my dreams, I gave up on myself.”. Oh those words…thank you. ❤

[@debmelton6422]

That is exactly where I'm at.

[@gailtucker294]

Hi, I am beginning to understand ... I just turned 60...Still working full time...I am thankful..grateful.. but.. yes, there has to be more.. more than this....There are good days and bad days. hope there will be more good days... 🤔

[@lindafaierson6030]

I know three different women who became widows around the same time. All have different coping mechanisms. One has shrines of her husband in the car and in the house. And she shows his picture s alot. Another one , does better than I expected because she never worked and was a stay home wife and mother. She has to go to her daughter's every night at supper time for a couple hours because that's her bad time. And the third one, who worked and was involved in things, continues her life as before with the occasional visit to his resting place. I try to be there for all of them. Thank you for all you do.

[@ashleybergstrom8934]

A true friend you are.

[@marciamilesramsey6405]

I think I’ve found my community here. I’m 65 and longing for change and clarity on what it is I really want. I need a new mission for this new season of life. I relate to so many comments here. Thank you, Susan, for the beautiful posts. Love your channel! God bless you!

[@kristinehurst8348]

Hi .. your message really touched me.. I can relate .. I’m 72 and I wake up feeling as though I have nothing to strive for ..yet I try to have purpose .. so I work at cleaning up clutter or scouring the sink .. but the housework is not my purpose .. I had a great career as a teacher. And I touched lives as a nurturer … I now have grandkids but they live away so I travel a lot to see them… so I’m still seeking to be that person who nurtures … I guess I will never change .. but I’m learning to bring positive thoughts to my days and not live in the past … thanks for your heartfelt message

[@tammysummerswoodbeck1353]

Have you considered a pet?

[@camirichardson7485]

I've been there - forgiveness can be so hard. But, if God can forgive me, I should forgive too.

[@comfortcreekranch4948]

Yes, Amen. 🙏🏼💗🕊️

[@Tmurphy623]

I was having a hard time forgiving a person, but I knew I had to. So, I prayed about it and agreed with God that I had to forgive this person and asked Him to work it out. Will, it took sometime but God did work it out and we became close friends. It is amazing what God can do.

[@LovesJESUS]

Amen

[@carmenM-ey6qy]

@@Tmurphy623❤️

[@jeannegross310]

Maybe add some peek holes for Desi to see his dog friend when you put up your privacy fence.

[@dorothylaplante7243]

Evening,sometimes I find it hard to just get out and walk. I enjoy just chilling out at home. I am two months into my retirement and I am preparing for putting in the garden. I really enjoy that but it seems a challenge just to get out and walk. Weird but I will have to get over this as I know exercise is important for women our age. I can totally relate to getting stuck in the negative past wrongs as well.

[@Swist1213]

15:45 The problem is not having the words, it's that nobody wants to listen to them.

[@dominican4ever825]

I am 40 years old and your channel is inspirational to me. I think it also encourages me to let go and forgive, accept things you cannot change like your past. I think that encouraging yourself to live in the present, praying for the people that hurt you, practicing unconditional meditation can be useful for forgiveness.

[@user-qb8qm4mp5n]

Family can be the most wicked. I think the reason I harp on gratitude so much is because I realize people don't want to hear what's really going on with me. If I thought I was dismissed when I was younger I was kidding myself. I'm dismissed more than ever and it's because of my age, 65 years on this planet. The older I get the greater the disconnect. It may sound like I've given up but only given up the part of me that desires validation from others because I know I'll never get it. My worth as a human being has to come from me. It's an inside job.

[@cindyfreihofer2093]

Oh my gosh, I have been saying all along for the last few years, there is one more important thing I have yet to do. I am almost 74 and it better come soon. It does give me hope that we are one idea away from a big change. I have been watching you for five years, Susan, and this video really was the most meaningful one to me.

[@laubru010]

I'm excited for you!! You still have much to do and to give and to be...I'm just sure of it! ❤

[@cherylgottshall1496]

I’ve been retired over 3 years and I do find that I have less discipline than when I was younger, had a career, and was raising a family. It’s something that I really need to work on. I’m happy to hear that I’m not the only one!

[@kaysmith7684]

I lost my husband of 21 years in 2019. He was my world, and i did see myself through his eyes. He was always very complimentary and encouraging. I think he thought better of me than i thought of myself. When he had been gone for maybe three months, i was in the bathroom getting ready to go take care of some necessary business. As i was standing in front of the mirror brushing my hair, i realized something that i had not until that moment. I had not looked myself in the eye since he had been gone. I looked at my hair as i styled it, i looked at my cheek, my chin, neck, etc. But when i looked in the mirror, i did not look myself in the eye. I had to force myself to do that. When i did, tears rolled down my face. I asked that person in the mirror, "who are you? I don't know who you are anymore." It was at that point i realized i had to become someone else now. But I didn't want to, i simply didn't have a choice. I was filled with fear and uncertainty. I have become someone else over these four and a half years. But i still dont want to. I just turned 74 and can relate to much of what you talked about. When you gave the scenario of waking up and asking, "What am I going to do today?" Then got to the idea of going to the fair. My first thought was, who would i go with. I know i wouldn't go by myself, and at my age, it would be difficult to find someone who would want to go with me. I am still a bit more adventurous than many women my age. But it's difficult to do many of the things i would like to solo. Many times, i just don't want to do things by myself. Other times, it's no problem. Almost always, i would prefer the company of a friend. But i also am not giving up. Thanks for the deep dive into issues we face as we age, and as we each delve into areas we are unfamiliar with. I've had mentors all through my life, but i don't have a mentor to teach me how to maneuver this old age thing. Although you are younger than i, you give some pretty darn good suggestions.

[@laurawilliams2790]

Wow...Kay. I sure understand what you said. I didn't know me anymore because I realized I never did. I was always doing for somebody else and putting myself last. Wife, family, job... that's how I identified myself. Being alone now, I had to take a really hard look at who I was. I had no idea. When my husband died, so did I. I was like the walking dead. I surely didn't like the sad, depressed lump that I had become. It was literally making me sick. If I could reinvent myself, who would I be and what would I change? I always loved the French side of my family history so I decided to totally embrace that. I switched to a French diet and dropped some pounds, changed my hair, changed my clothing style, bought the perfume, and learned the language. I'm even building a virtual chateau, complete with furnishings and gardens, on Pinterest! I have a large set of chateau keys in my foyer as a reminder to not lose sight of who I am now. I'm doing the research and teaching my grandchildren to love their family history. Embracing a different culture can bring out so many new and exciting things. It's a road to personal discovery. Not only that, it's a tribute to the ancestors who made us who we are. I'm learning to be the new me that was buried for way too long. I think my grandmothers and great grandmothers would love that.

[@robinhorton4462]

Life can throw curve balls. I am 58, now alone. My husband is in a home. Kids and grandkids are busy. I don’t like asking for help but wow there is so much to do. I plug away but don’t get a lot done all at once. It’s very frustrating to not be able to do all I used to be able to. I don’t want to be a burden for my children but can’t do it all myself. Working on all aspects of my life but struggling. Thank you so much for addressing these subjects and letting us know we aren’t alone. I love seeing you succeed and enjoy your life. Big hugs!

[@treshamassey804]

A pastor once told me you cannot forgive a person who does not want forgiveness. So, the best you might be able to do for yourself is indifference.❤

[@patriciablankenbaker8817]

A pastor should know better than that. The Bible says if we don't forgive others, God won't forgive us. We MUST forgive if we want to go to Heaven.

[@treshamassey804]

There were two crucified with Jesus, a sinner on each side of Him. One asked forgiveness. One did not. Did both receive forgiveness or did only one? Did one go to Paradise or both? I am not arguing religion with anyone, but I think someone with a Doctorate in Theology would certainly know better than me. You may say you forgive, but l think forgiveness must be wanted and accepted to be complete. At least, that is my understanding. Again, I am not arguing about religion, there are so many denominations and I don’t think ANY ONE is completely perfect. How could it be, since humans created the concept.

[@ncsprung1847]

I strongly disagree with your pastor. You can forgive someone and they may never know that you have forgiven them. It’s acquiring a peace within yourself. You don’t need their “permission” to forgive them.

[@playdohsrepublic3562]

I always thought it best if the person asked for forgiveness. Otherwise, so what if you forgive? But definitely do not carry hate for others. There's a couple of people in my life I would forgive in an instant, if only they would ask. But I do not hate or dislike them. Indifferent, yes. If I thought I needed to ask someone for forgiveness, I would do that in an instant, too.

[@bethfromva6375]

Thank you, Susan. Everything you said really resonated with me. Perhaps I’m not crazy, just normal at this age. In addition to what you spoke about, I also feel profound emptiness at times. The kids are raised and doing their own thing. Now just by myself without any real friends. Let’s just say that I am trying to put myself out there - got a part-time job, joining groups, going to church, etc. I just find it quite challenging to make a friend at this age. Thank you for all that you do!

[@Lauren-i8i]

I used to tell my kids you have to BE a friend to have a friend. It’s hard to reach out but it can be SO worth the risk. 💕💕💕

[@cindyb6670]

Amen sista...I'm right there with you

[@adesign3755]

We need to stay busy with hobbies, things we enjoy doing, and have lunch with friends or even coffee. But never give up hope, never stop living. Love to see your videos every week. ❤

[@glorialush9598]

My ex- husband and the father of my children recently passed. We were married 15 years. He remarried a friend of mine who was not a good friend but betrayed me in a very painful way. It felt strange. I did not grieve much because it felt like a death when we divorced so many years ago. He did not treat his wife very well at the end. Maybe I dodged a bullet. I have good health and grand children to love and did not have to be the brunt of his verbal abuse. My daughter calls me weekly, and we have a wonderful relationship. I am so fortunate living life as a single but could use some work in the discipline department. 🙄

[@mariemcgrath8681]

Love your channel, it always touches me, way over in Australia. I lost my husband last year & without family around, I felt very lonely. Fortunately, my friend nextdoor (a lady my age) was planning on moving, & I suggested "come move into my home". Best decision we both made. Just to have someone around is wonderful for us both.

[@Lauren-i8i]

Golden Girls took off for a reason! This is a GREAT idea!!! 👏👏👏

[@dianaschoen4485]

That is so wonderful!❤Hello from Michigan, USA!😊

[@ktmggg]

I think the reason most women over 60 feel all the things mentioned in that article is unprocessed trauma. The intrusive thoughts, bursts of anger or grief, concerns about physical safety that women generally have, procrastination (especially if an achiever earlier in life), zoning out/brain fog/disassociation can be tied to physical, emotional or sexual abuse we experienced as children and young women. Too often we were blamed for what happened to us, told that we shouldn't mention it, be quiet, forget it happened, bury it. NO! Women need help and support to deal with the trauma. Women need to regain their voices and know to the core of their beings that the abusers were in the wrong. We need to stop blaming and shaming ourselves. That's how we heal and regain control of our voices and our lives.

[@streaming5332]

You're not alone about cheques. My bank stopped using them this year, it infuriated me. Cheques were around when life was slower and better. I loathe the bank closing branches and being told to do everything online. I keep doing things the old way, no one can ever text me. I'm very last century.

[@natalie73animals]

You speak in poetry. A volume of poetry will flow effortlessly without a doubt. I would love to buy that book.

[@elizabethann8228]

Me too! Where do we sign up? 😊

[@sylviakinL.A]

Hi Susan, love watching your vlog every week. I'm 69, divorced when I was young and didn't get a chance to marry and have children since. Now, after taking care of my parents, my brother forcing to sell the family home "for his part". I was forced to move to a condo I could afford away from my church and friends. I've lost other family members and live too far from the ones still here. I feel depressed, lost, invisible, no reason to keep going except for my little dog. The only thing that gives me comfort is my faith and God and the still small voice of the Holy Spirit, but life is a daily struggle. I know this sounds terrible but I don't want to sit and listen about other womens children and grandchildren, or they're married and I'm always the " third wheel". Is this what life is?

[@oldcrone]

Yes. When we get older we get lonely. Some people have a family that cares about them and some don't.

[@rundogrun297]

Yes it is hard to imagine your family not caring and coming to terms with it hurt so much. But I keep pressing on. I have tried to stop "trying" to fit in and just live my life. It is very lonely and I fight every day. I am not giving up or in!

[@bettysheloves]

Absolutely

[@hummers7342]

Thank you for this video. Always good to see you and Desi.

[@sandischorling1055]

Ugh, I can resonate with it all! Finding someone to do something with is not easy. I have the freedom to do whatever but, what? It's not much fun doing things alone. I don't know what the answer is but each day is a do over. I get another chance. This made me feel like I'm not alone. We're in this together. But the answer is different for each of us. I pray for peace of mind for myself & anyone who is going through this. ❤ Thank you Susan & Desi. Wonderful as always.

[@Lauren-i8i]

Do you have the Neighborhood App? My neighbors talk about lost dogs, abandoned properties and sometimes people just make bids for connection by talking about the weather! You can possibly download that App, put in your zip code and look around. Down the road you could ask for a walking buddy or just a coffee chat. There is likely someone else in your neighborhood who wants EXACTLY the type of connection that you do. 💕💕💕

[@debrandw246]

There's no one who wants to listen. You just an old person. So no one wants to talk. I always make a point to speak with an older person who you can tell is starved for a conversation. Just someone to notice them. Some little old lady alone walking her dog. The little dog is all she has and when someone seems to be interested enough to just have a conversation with. Your health suffers. Who wants to speak to you. Really interested enough to speak. Women in thier 30,s 40,s don't want to speak to them. There just old and unimportant. When you can tell no one wants to be bothered. Because you are suddenly older. Who has no family or cares. Great video Susan. Thank you.

[@cherylthepearl827]

Thanks Susan for your words. Talking of loosing a spouse made me cry. So true that they would want us to be happy. Just hard too. This June is 8 yrs already since my husband, best friend, lover, father to my girls had been gone. I miss his words or love, compliments and his laugh. I did see myself thru his eyes. Now I seem to just notice every new wrinkle and gravity pulling it all downward. But that’s ok too. I love myself but I definitely loved myself more when he was around because I was so very proud to be his wife and friend. Desi is so sweet and enjoys seeing thru the fence and his cute little girlfriend. ❤

[@nancybrace1233]

Just a thought ……put a window in your new fence low for Desi! Anyway….I feel like I’m watching on the sideline now at age 62. Lots of big things happened in my life the past three years so I feel kind of lost.

[@sabine3769]

A doggy door so they can visit

[@622barmacost]

I read an inspirational quote that said even though things are quiet and uneventful for you now that God has plans for you that will make you whole again and you can enjoy life. I think those words are important for women to hold on to because we can get through the low times as long as we hang in there. We can do anything we put our minds to. We need to remember to be kind to each other and compliment another woman when she looks nice or is doing a good job because it is so uplifting when someone notices you. We need to be recognized for getting this far in life and still have a future ahead of us. Thank you for all your uplifting thoughts.

[@catmama54]

I’m basically just existing since losing my husband. However, I’m starting to make friends in my apartment complex and my next-door neighbors asked me to pet sit there 12 year-old cat while they were away for four days. I cannot believe the happiness and joy that brought me. I felt like I had a purpose. And they do tend to go away a lot so I told him they can always count on me and they saw how much I love her. I lost my 18-year-old cat last year and then my husband. And this darn apartment that I’m in I just can’t have a pet right now, but I will babysit my neighbors cat.

[@laubru010]

How wonderful that you enjoyed helping your neighbor with their cat. I'll bet there are many little amazing things you could enjoy doing for another neighbor or an old friend or even a stranger. Have you bought yourself flowers lately? God bless you! ❤

[@catmama54]

@@laubru010 aww thank you so very much for your kind words.

[@LittlePoet]

Oh I am so sorry you lost your cat...losing a pet is so hard....but how wonderful you can have joy with a cat guest!!! My love to you! Susan

[@franzone70]

Why can’t you have a cat if your neighbor has one!

[@catmama54]

@@franzone70 unfortunately my rent is already quite high and they charge a good size deposit and then a monthly charge for a pet. Since I lost my husband, I live on just my income and I can’t afford it. My neighbors have two incomes I hope I can find a different place to live so I can then rescue a cat.

[@karenaitchison8859]

You spoke to me with this video.. I am 75 and still worked prn as a nurse .. until this month.. I enjoyed interacting with staff and patients .. now I need to find something that inspires me something that gets me out of my comfort zone . I don’t feel old

[@SusanL-ds6lc]

What a sad study of older women. I hope it's wrong! I'm not experiencing this. I love my life. It must be horrific, however, to lose your loving spouse. Don't even want to think about that!! When I retired I designed my days, like a job, filled with all things I love to do. It's wonderful. I think the best decision is having a close relationship with God. Then you have peace. xoxo

[@jeanettec6212]

Hello Susan. You hit it on the nail. The problem with needing someone to talk to is no one had time or want to know. So you buck up, pray and keep moving and break sometimes. Its a vicious cycle, and I am grateful! But God made us to love one another and people just dont care. They say speak life! Be grateful! For one I have life through Christ. I am grateful! But Im not a robot. I have a heart, I have pain, I have hurts, and sometimes we just want someone to say Im sorry you hurt. Come talk. I want you to know your not alone and you will be ok. Whats so hard about that? I remember my Mother had so much pain and she just wanted heard. I would give anything just to hold her again and listen. It means so much. Thank you Susan! Btw. Those grandkids are so cute! And You and Desi crack me up! I needed it! Cant walk today because back wont let me. Could use some prayers. Thank you! God bless

[@comfortcreekranch4948]

I hear you. 🙏🏼 praying for your back, and being able to walk! I miss my mother too, I would love to be with her again she was my biggest cheerleader, always on my side! You too ? Was your Mom your biggest cheerleader also? May her sweet memories comfort you tonight! 💗 God Bless you with His healing hand!

[@marycrandles4682]

Divine love and light Jeanette

[@KathleenMacKenzie]

Jeanette you said it perfectly. I feel the same way.

[@Nightowl-72]

Forgiving is easy….But forgetting the ghosts of wounds made by people who were supposed to love us… that is what I find very hard. I think I’m doing fine then something can trigger off an emotional memory and bam, I’m crying. Aging brings with it challenges you never dreamed of when young. Far beyond the challenge of physical aging is the emotional and mental changes. I love life now and have much to be grateful for, but the emotions still come in like the tide. Thank you Susan for letting us know we aren’t alone, by sharing your thoughts and feelings. ❤

[@marilynmontgomery4579]

"Pity youth is wasted on the young!" I wish I had the wisdom, spirituality & open mind back then. Like forgiveness, we really do it for ourselves. Forgetting is hard. But otherwise we're renting out space in our minds. It is so much easier to let it go in exchange for more peace. Thanks for sharing.

[@glendacarpenter2767]

I love watching the grandkids running in the rain, that’s pure joy 😊

[@lose999]

The bad things that have happened to you, don't define you. My 88 year old neighbor met the love of her life when she was 74. I retired in 2017 and have been taking classes at "the academy for learning in retirement" (ALIR). I was a teacher for over 32 years and now I'm a student.

[@LittlePoet]

That is beautiful!!!

[@ozraine751]

I have met the love of my life at 74❤️

[@lose999]

@@ozraine751 tell us more...how, where?

[@lindabryant6333]

Thank you Susan for such a relatable video. I have followed you for several years now, love all of your videos..but of course occasionally you hit on some things that really hit home. This is definitely one of those for me. I am 70, lost my husband of 54 years a few months ago. And even though I am blessed with 4 very loving & supportive children that stand by to do anything they can for me...I'm really struggling to keep hold of my compass. I'm trying to figure how to continue on without him. I do have a strong sense of myself, but I could relate to a lot of what the study you read had to say. I tolerate the technology that I have to learn to function in today's world, although it feels uncomfortable, its necessary (apparently😜). I'm trying to keep SOME kind of personal discipline going. I miss dressing "for him"...he was always so loving & complimentary. I miss the fact that we did almost everything together...we ran a business for 45 years, raised 4 kids, endured health challenges, life challenges, lots of wins...a few losses...but we were always so good together! I do love my home, love to decorate & putz around in it, thrift shopping is my jam. Gardening is also a real love. But, everything just feels "OFF"...& I feel kind of disassociated, drifting...ambivalent, if you will. I try to stay focused on all the "things" I have to look forward to...Our youngest daughter is having a baby...its been 32 years since I've had a grandchild come into our lives...& that's so wonderful! My 32 year old grandson is getting married in June...& guess what?...they asked me to marry them! Now, that's really something special too. Its just so confusing to me how "life goes on", but that's what we all need to come to terms with I guess. I know I'm rambling on a bit, hoping some of you ladies out there can relate...we all from "our generation" do have rich & meaningful stories to share. Love you Susan & all you other ladies out there...we know one thing...we need each other.

[@michellebilodeau3882]

I married at twenty and my husband died in January after forty six years of marriage. I've never lived alone. But I'm ok. Each day it gets easier.

[@laubru010]

God bless you.❤

[@marypeterson1053]

I'm sorry for your loss. GOD BLESS.

[@avamiller2325]

Same here 🙏🏼

[@rosemariejanssen7790]

I have three sons. I lost my two older sons and two grandchildren. If I didn’t have my faith in God I couldn’t survive. I miss them so much but I know I will see them again. ❤I love Desi’s singing. 🎶🎵

[@dianevioletta1408]

Wow. I can’t believe the timing of the video. I was just crying before checking into you tube. I’m 59 years old and from the outside my life would appear to be perfect to friends and strangers. But I am struggling mentally. This really hit home for me.

[@dianevp8644]

Please reach out to a family member, a friend, someone at church and let them know you are struggling. When our thoughts consume us in an unhealthy way that is the time to reach out. I'm praying for you tonight and you are on my list my friend. You have friends right here and you are not alone. Pray - God cares and wants to hear from you. ♥

[@dianevioletta1408]

@@dianevp8644 thank you so much! Prayers are so appreciated. You are so sweet. I am very close to my sister and my daughters but they all have their struggles and I don’t want to burden them. I tried explaining to my husband but he doesn’t understand. I keep so much in. But I do believe in the power of prayer and my faith keeps me going somehow.

[@Lauren-i8i]

@@dianevp8644 👏👏👏 💗💗💗

[@ritacarlson9522]

Susan , this was a very insightful and informative video. I am 70 years old and I wasn't even aware of how I had numbed my emotions down over the years until I heard you talking about how so many older women had reigned in their feelings and emotions. I never want my children to know I'm hurting. I never let anyone know when I need help. When my friends check in I always say I'm ok and doing well. But after losing my husband of 43 years to cancer 8 years ago , my daily emotional stability is getting worse not better. And no one knows that because I have hid my fear , my pain behind a wall of strenght that is actually an illusion. No one sees me cry at 4 in the morning. No one knows the physical pain I am dealing with from sickness as the aging process takes hold. I'm not even sure why I behave this way. I suppose it's like a wounded animal. I must appear strong so no one will attack me in my weakness. How long I can keep this up is a mystery to me. Appearing strong, healthy and happy has become the lie I am living. Is it self isolation or just self protection ? Thank you for talking about these facts from this study . Many of the points you emphasized from the study rang true with me. My self examination begins now. Wish me luck 😊

[@Lauren-i8i]

Hey Rita, I read your post and I hear you. Your health and well being MATTER. It’s hard to bring the wall down but we can only TRULY let people in to love us when we show our vulnerability. We don’t want to burn out our loved ones, either, so there is a way we can share without incessant whining. But I tell my kids that parents have feelings, too, and I tell them when they hurt me. I also try to apologize when I screw up and hurt them! If you start becoming more open with your children it might bring you closer in the end. Adult children are so preoccupied with their own lives that usually they have NO idea what we are going through. Do you really think your kids or their partners will attack you if you’re weak? When you armor up love can’t get in. Sharing some things with them could make you have a deeper connection. 💕

[@linntidwell633]

Susan... I had to put my cat of 7 years to sleep this week...I loved her so much...I miss her so bad...I'm having the what ifs...I feel like well did I do the right thing.. The vet told it was the thing to do...but I'm so upset I can't not see her face ...it hurts so bad...thank you...

[@debmelton6422]

I'm so sorry for your loss - we love our animals like children. I'm sure she loved you very much too.

[@linntidwell633]

@@Tmurphy623 thank you for the mssg...today has still been hard....when I said I can't see her face...I mean I can't stop from seeing her face when I close my eyes...I'm still crying alot....I miss her so much. The house is so quiet....thank you again...I just can't stop crying....

[@synapticat]

I put my 9 year old badly injured cat to sleep. I feel I let him down. It’s been a couple of years ago and I got another kitten not long afterwards. But it hasn’t helped the sadness and guilt I feel.😢

[@janine2432]

I had this happen too. Out cat was only 7 and it was sudden. I will pray for you.

[@ruthannhiner4484]

Wow - I’m sure you were talking directly to me. Thanks for sharing. Much to think about now.

[@LovesJESUS]

I was abused as a child also, not sexually but mentally. I have forgiven the people who abused me, even helped to take care for one at end of life. One I person was harder to forgive than the other. For me just letting go and wishing them well was forgiveness.

[@ncsprung1847]

I think that’s the very definition of forgiveness! How wonderful!

[@DeniseCornett-j7v]

Susan, You touched on so many topics that were spot in for me & I could relate to.Being older, widowed, feeling incomplete without my husband, being estranged from a brother & his family, not completely disciplined in certain areas, but very mindful in others. I thank you for tonight's video. You gave me something to reflect on, that a lot of us share. Desi is so sweet,"courting" little girlfriend!

[@sharondoan1447]

I may have figured out something about dealing with childhood hurt. The best I can do seems to be that I did not seek retribution. I did not try to cause them the same purposeful physical pain or emotional pain. With some of them I kept my distance and that was the best I had to offer. It was much more complicated with my parents. But, again , I never caused them any intentional harm. Part of that was because I was gaslighted into believing I had nothing about which to complain. As an adult I figured out the gaslighting part. Now the entire bunch is dead. What a relief that has proven to be. No more awkward occasions when their voices were sounding in my ears! Blessed silence, forever more. Does anyone agree that not striking out to hurt those who hurt me could be a kind of forgiveness?

[@merlenealt4233]

No I don’t agree. You have not forgiven the ones who hurt you because the “thought” is still inside you. You have to forgive in sincerity and mean it. Do not hold onto past hurts because it will consume you and make you wish you had given retribution. We need to forgive with love and compassion and have peace within ourselves that we overcame an obstacle.

[@kimgregory2781]

I don’t strike out either (well maybe that one time, in my 30s, when I got drunk and told’em exactly what I thought). One thing for me is realizing I’m not obligated to forgive anyone and I’m not wasting time on resenting anyone.

[@sharondoan1447]

@@merlenealt4233 I can do that now! It feels great. Since I no longer have to try to be forgiving , I just am. In a very good and different way all the reminders are fading into oblivion. It simply doesn’t matter now. Praise God for allowing the chains of rumination about those painful relationships to fall away . It was nothing I did. I had tried to do that letting go for decades. It never worked. At the same time I had always prayed for a clear mind. A mind not tormented. Why I suffered all those years, I will never understand now that it is over.

[@LOVEIDUSA]

You are so on target about "knowing the language" and many times when we want to engage in a conversation, we are met with a response about "just being grateful." It's hard to find friends at 69 who really want to exchange feelings and experiences and talk about life, relationships, the state of our country, jobs, the economy, our gardens, crafts, hobbies, or children, or whatever. I thought it was just me, but realize after listening to you it is our world today. I miss the days when my girlfriends were a key to supporting me while maneuvering through life and we could trust each other with feelings and emotions. Thank you for this video! Yup, and I look like a well rounded older woman now. Hard to accept the way clothes fit me and the reflection of the lady in the mirror.

[@susanhiestand348]

Thanks for such a meaningful video. I'm turning 80 in June. I just can't believe it. For my birthday, I'm going to Tucson, AZ to visit my daughter and husband. Traveling by train, I hate flying. I've done plenty and lived abroad 4 different times, moved several times within the States; I'm so excited but more nervous about this trip. I find myself being more content to stay at home with my 3 cats ❤😺. Working on what is next for me. I'd love a small house but I don't see that ever happening. I have a few good friends that meet for lunch every month but it isn't enough for me. I'm praying for the Lord to show me every day His will. I try to plan ahead, and I the care of myself. Finances have changed as it has for many, making adjustments. The Lord bless you and keep you both now and in your days ahead. You help so many of us. ❤

[@Lauren-i8i]

❤

[@patriciamogannam3616]

Yes, when I have no schedule or structure in my days I tend to sleep. That's why volunteering is great.

[@jaysmith2522]

YOU HIT THE NAIL OON THE HEAD TODAY WITH YOUR VIDEO! I AM 81 YRS OLD . AND I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE HAS BEEN A COMPLETE FAILURE. NOW I AM A CAREGIVER FOR MY DISABLED HUSBAND THAT I LOVE DEARLY, SOMETIMES I STILL FEEL ALONE IN ALL OF THIS, BUT I TRY TO HAVE A POSTIVE ATTITUDE, AND KEEP MY HEAD UP, AND KEEP GOING. MY HUSBAND WAS AN ENTERTAINER, A NUMBER ONE DISC JOCKEY IN THE LARGEST CITY IN OUR STATE. HE WAS GREAT. BYT A STROKE TOOK THAT AWAY FROM HIM. HE STILL HAS A GREAT ATTIDUTE. AND HAS NOT STOPPED 'LIVING'. BLESS YOU FOR THIS VIDEO.

[@jodyanitawoulf2729]

I’m in my late 50’s & I so miss my maternal grandmother & her mother ( my great grandmother) who both passed away when I was a very little girl. They were each housebound & so kind & loving despite it. Now that I am becoming a mature age I have questions for them & an even greater love for them both.

[@MC-lq2iz]

Thank you for this video Susan, I'm 61 and still working full time. What I've realized is I am angry and I don't know why. I raised my 2 children as a single parent. My sister said I'm angry because I expect people to think like me and give 150% in everything like I do. My biggest question is why do women make themselves smaller to uplift their partners, why do they loose themselves in relationships. Then one day when their partners are gone they don't know who they are anymore. I am so happy on my own, every morning 5h30 I start writing letters to God, every thing that makes me happy or sad. I talk to God, but I write it down, the more you write the more you find the words again. This morning I've asked God to just give me patience, to take away the anger, everybody don't think like me or don't do things like me. One day, I want to buy myself an old school bus, change it into a tiny home and go and live in the desert. All on my own, oh yes, with a Dezi, that to me will be the hight of happiness. Thank you again for this lovely topic, and thank you ladies for feeling like family. You are all special. Have a lovely week and see you next Sunday.

[@Khatoon170]

Auntie Susan you are always mentioning important global issues not personal which worrying all people both young and old . Giving us wise solutions . Thank you for life skills lessons series . All of us must focus on self control , communication, critical thinking, keep learning and forget all sad memories and make everyone around us happy.

[@barbaramagner181]

Thank you for your channel. It has made me feel important and happy to evaluate the importance of each day. I felt lost after my husband passed but now did as you did, moved and make each day count. God bless you and your family and hope your next wish comes true.

[@darlahkelley9800]

❤I'm 68 Feeling Great & Still working part time my coworkers say I'm Old School 🏫 which I like to tell them 80's Rock. ❤🎉😊😅

[@Bachconcertos]

My family hated me since i was a child so it is sad but i have to keep going and find a way.

[@mkbrown3902]

You are not alone. Be your own family. Love yourself.

[@patricia753]

❤🙏🌈🌷

[@rubberbiscuit99]

It sounds like you were your family's scapegoat. If so, and you want some healing resources, reply and I will send you some.

[@alisong2328]

Mine used to love me (I thought).Since my parents died, my siblings don't want to stay in contact. I'm single - no exes, no kids - so all I have is them and they don't want me in their lives. I know they're dealing with their own issues and their own families, but it hurts.

[@shirleydianabirl3100]

Our family of origin are able to hurt us so much of we are unaware of the role we have been assigned by the narcissist in the family. When we choose to walk away too. the come back at some point wanting to be around you. Suddenly, you are positioned in the family as the new “golden child. Remember, these roles are interchangeable. Silblings Are Funny. See them for being just human subject to the fall of man. Ask Cain and Abel.

[@proverbs3150]

I’m 69, take bioidentical hormone replacements, fast one day a week, intermittent fasting every other day, watch my thought life, perspective on life of being happy, study scripture everyday, attend church, color my hair and I meet men much younger than me and that is something I haven’t gotten used to. Most people just want a smile and to be validated. I find many people who are married are very depressed and unhappy. I try to live in the present and if I want a day of leisure I don’t feel guilty!

[@proverbs3150]

I meant to say that I meet married men and women who are depressed and unhealthy. It’s been my experience that they are the ones who have let themselves go. Scripture says we are queens! Just ask yourself how a queen would live and put into action-within your budget of course!

[@MJ-mb3of]

Hi there Susan, I so related to your video. As a 61 year old woman, I feel as if I can no longer relate to life. I've always loved watching movies and enjoying good food. As a house cat and introvert, they were my time away from the stresses and the routine of everyday life. I feel as if i no longer have that outlet, that temporary, healthy escape. Movies about women in their 60's and up are quite rare and usually pertain to illness and unfortunate stereotypes. I feel as if I wonder about my day, hoping to find a deviation from the mundaneness. I am constantly dieting in hopes of maintaining a healthy weight. I miss the foods and sweets I can no longer indulge in (without the dreadful consequences). For me, there is no moderation. I'm often lonely, despite being in a relationship. I find myself looking back to my younger years where life was filled with adventure, possibility and time. Don't mean to be a downer, as I do consider myself an optimist. However, despite, reassuring myself that good times are yet to come and being grateful for what I have, I feel as if I'm lying to myself in order to avoid a harsh truth. My biggest fear: growing old and being alone with vivid memories of days gone by... God Bless...Love your videos.

[@geraekelly4595]

This is the first one that made me cry...😢 Thank you for being so helpful in letting us know that it's okay to feel how we're feeling and that ebbs and flows but understanding this is helpful toward finding our place in this world.❤

[@louisejohnson6625]

I am 71 and you get so aggravated with men thinking just because I'm a woman and an older woman that I'm helpless or senile or stupid. Just because I'm old doesn't mean I am senile. Gee that gets my dandruff up.

[@carrie-joylloyd5785]

Maybe they're just being Kind! I would be so grateful if someone offered to help me out.

[@feleciawallace8420]

I'm 68 divorced unemployed for several years and one daughter who's 32 years old, she's unmarried lives with her boyfriend they both declared they have decided not bring children into this horrible world, therefore I don't get to experience growing older with the love and affection of grandchildren. My daughter suggested that I go online to senior dating sites to meet a nice gentleman which I've done without much success. I've dated a few men but most have plenty of baggage and most only want sex, they are not seeking marriage and companionship at the age 67 to 75. Therefore this endeavor has only brought me headaches. I think I'll forget about dating at this point in my life... Sadly, feeling that I'm better off checking out now if that were an option.

[@virgierutledge3004]

@@feleciawallace8420 I doubt that I would want to be a nurse to any man at this age.

[@franzone70]

@@feleciawallace8420 l dated one man a few times after my husband of 40 years passed, it was a disaster, never again,

[@heatherboughton5936]

I hate the Be grateful thing. I also hate the 'Be Positive' thing. I am 63. I retrained in my late 40s as a psychodynamic therapist. I was always interested in psychology and had done years and years of inner work. I think it's really really important to be real. The exhaustion of having to be perfect, be grateful, be positive..... it's a load of sh*t. I avoid making friends with people unless they are real. We should not deny our feelings... all of them. It just depends on how we express them. x

[@mtdebemigrant1435]

I am 70. Been a widow for 17 years now. I have my 86 year old mother living with me. I have made peace with my life. I look for enjoyment in small things and I am kind to myself. This is my life and I have many happy memories to look back on. But I am moving forward and my mother's needs fill my days. Thank you for sharing.

[@mrssanders8047]

I can relate to the issue of discipline. Being a professional for 30 years (8 months retired) and a wife for 40 (widowed), I felt like just relaxing and getting used to being alone. But for how long? I started a new hobby and enjoy being creative and this is giving me a sense of accomplishing something. I know I need to continue living with purpose and am consciously making a point to accomplish one thing, an important thing to me, each day or week. It isn't easy but life never promised to be easy. Thank you for this content and I truly value your channel. Hugs to Desi!

[@Lauren-i8i]

Even doing one kind thing a day for someone makes me feel that day was worth living. The Bible says just giving someone a cup of water matters. If I open a door for someone, say something complimentary, or even just smile at a stranger it MATTERS. God sees ALL of these little kindnesses and they are SO important in this world today. These small things make life worth living to me. You can STILL bring a smile to someone else’s face & give them a little hope in humanity, no matter HOW old you are!!! Kindness is SO hard to find these days and we can stand for what we know is right and be an example to young people on how to ‘DO’ old age right. You can do life any way you see fit - You have the freedom of choice. I hope & pray shining my light can help others, even in the smallest way. 💕💕💕