1988: The DARK ARTS of SUBBUTEO | DEF II | Niche Sports | BBC Archive

"A scandal that involves kidnapping, amputation and having your bottom sprayed with furniture polish."
Investigative journalist Trevor Ward uncovers some deeply distressing truths about Subbuteo. The globally popular table football game may seem like a harmless - even wholesome - passtime, but at professional level, the game is rife with cheating and corruption.
Trevor speaks to Subbuteo official, Trevor Spencer, about some of the worst things he has witnessed on the competitive circuit. For his own safety, whistleblower Trevor Spencer has not been identified.
Clip taken from DEF II: Reportage, originally broadcast on BBC Two, 14 December, 1988.
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[@76ToneCrome]

It's like a Fast Show or Brass Eye parody.

[@ADHDIYuk]

When it started I thought it was Brass Eye

[@PHS.44]

Did anyone spot the hidden brass moustache?

[@Zagneek]

I used to turn Airfix British Commandos into hooligans by painting them in footy colours then invading the pitch with em.

[@KarlChilcott-vb6ep]

I did same.

[@keithe8449]

My brother and I used to paint long hair and sideburns over the standard hairstyle 😁

[@michaelroberts7374]

I got a folded draught board, propped up into a terrace behind the Subbuteo by the draughts, then filled it with toy soldiers! Instant aggro/crushes when you tipped the board forwards! Ooh I'd have been about 37 then...

[@michaelroberts7374]

@@keithe8449 🤣🤣🤣

[@gwheregwhizz]

The BBC would be outbid for the rights to show Subbuteo these days.

[@WastingTime1878]

All these fine smiles worthy enough to be included in The Great British book of smiles.

[@1969gawa]

I remember reading something, a long time ago, about people melting the goalkeeper's arms to stretch them a tad.

[@BOABModels]

Quite the coincidence this came up now as I just played Subbuteo for the first time in around 20 years! The holiday home we stayed at in France had a set - a generic team in red and QPR for some reason.

[@denz180]

Are you 💯 sure it wasn't morton?

[@onlyme219]

They kidnapped the goalkeeper, that made me giggle. This was the nearest thing we had to computer game football at the time

[@GhastlyCretin]

Mario was all the rage by 88.

[@onlyme219]

@@GhastlyCretin Yeah, and how frustrating it was when you had no lives left you had to start again from the very beginning?

[@GhastlyCretin]

@@onlyme219 Lol. I really think that's the earliest memory I have of pure rage.

[@bardo0007]

Not really several home computers at the time with football games. Kick Off came in 1986 .

[@NeilStudd]

"In 1984, no-one died. In 1985, no-one died. In 1986, no-one died. In 1987... there was that one incident with the goalkeeper."

[@brianfarrell3987]

I just cannot decide if this is real or not.

[@brianfarrell3987]

"He must have a finger like a traction engine..." etc

[@Jay-O_Carlow]

Sanctions! *They stole a goal keeper* Using polish , it's noting but solvent abuse Lmfao! 🤣 Comedy Gold!

[@RolandoRatas]

Better than EA Fifa.

[@cuttlefishpie3731]

Much better

[@carlkamuti]

This is hilarious! 🤣🤣 They couldn't even keep the box on his eyes to hide his identity. Solvent abuse! 😆😆

[@Rfflllss]

Laugh all you want but the man was never identified. And thank God!

[@leefr76]

Lucky they didn’t show his name during the interview

[@BruceDanton-xw6eg]

Def ii ran on bbc2 from 1988 to 1994. Mostly twice a week on monday and wednesday from 6pm to 8.10pm or so too. Rapido was one of the series on it then from 1988 to 1992 so too. Thank you too.

[@BruceDanton-xw6eg]

I remember reading of it then in the radio Times so too.

[@hmq9052]

You can see his eye!

[@georgedeboo9046]

What convinces me more than everything else that this is a parody is that the interview with the referee features probably the worst attempt at an interviewee anonymous. If one were to pause at the right time, they would get a pretty decent look at his likeness. Not only that but what is the point of giving someone a false name if you are not going to use it beyond stating what it is?

[@AtheistOrphan]

2:19 - Coke nail.

[@thevoid6818]

And peroxide blond hair to remove traces of PEDs in case of drugs testing. Like Romania in '98.

[@AtheistOrphan]

36 years ago!

[@johntammaro]

He clearly took a dive

[@liverush24]

I haven't seen Trev for ages.

[@natureclips5849]

If this was in tv on 1st Aprilpeople would of thought this was a wind up

[@lmo7724]

I still don’t know. Is it British comedy, satirical, or serious?

[@bonnetdedouche437]

Partner: "I just got 2 tickets for Oasis at Wembley tomorrow. Do you want to go?" You: "Sorry I can't, I'm playing Subbuteo tomorrow."

[@abegarfield7031]

Anything is better than seeing Oasis.

[@AntiChris84]

Wow. I’ve never seen a KZbin comment like this before. Bet you’re the type who comments “This didn’t show up in your recommended” and “who’s here in 2024?” on old music videos.

[@MMG_MoonManGuitar]

It's a dangerous game. Warning. 😂

[@UKArchiveTV]

Finger insured for £50,000! It can't have been more than 5 years before all that evaporated.

[@stephenturner6075]

I preferred Striker

[@glenndouglas8822]

Yes, yes, yes sunshine. We know, we know. Striker was for the proper lads of the time .

[@michaelturner4457]

Striker, where the players all stand on one leg, like flamingos and their heads go up and down, like E.T.

[@stephenturner6075]

@@michaelturner4457 That's the one

[@iandeeley9033]

Now THAT'S what I call match fixing!

[@jimid9240]

I remember watching this and being horrified by his fingernail.

[@lmo7724]

Wait. This is a real sport? I thought this was a satire 😮

[@effess8698]

Ah, simpler times. "...after only five minutes you'd be down to ten men as he'd sent off your right back for taking the base from under his left winger. Come to half time you'd be losing four nil, each and every goal a hotly disputed penalty..."

[@christophercooper6731]

Half Man Half Mr Sheen

[@sammemrys8195]

No yellow or red cards?😉

[@ChorizoCentauri]

Only yellow fingernails.

[@sasha_something]

This is pure Chris Morris.

[@anewcleardawn]

Jesus Christ, look at the size of that finger nail.

[@paulkendall7890]

Not quite as shocking as the premier league corruption though. Used too ❤ subbuteo as a child. Thought we used too take it seriously.

[@Goombasareawesome]

How is this not a skit.

[@MrMLD1972]

😂😂😂

[@WhatALoadOfTosca]

Wow, the bbc wasted money even back then

[@rayvanwayenburg998]

Still better than FIFA 😂😂😂

[@Dubjaxfilms]

Stupid game

[@LdevArt]

trevor spencer =crank