how i got out of an abusive relationship + how u can too.

[@mikki_s1100]

One thing I learned recently is “all my ex’s are crazy” is often a red flag. They are the common denominator, and often say this to discount anything an ex may expose of them

[@cassiethesimp5230]

good to know- I'll keep an eye out 👀

[@azelia444]

big facts

[@astrorookie]

Yup, I now know that I am 'the crazy ex' but actually he's just a prick 8]

[@aggelikh4198]

Also saying all the people you chose to be with in the past are crazy just makes you seem stupid. Like these relationships were your choice if all the exes are crazy you are the problem

[@augustine354]

@@astrorookie i came back to this vid a second time and same, i bet he now talks about me with the new gf he probably already has like he talked to me about his ex before me lmao

[@meghan1171]

i vividly remember people telling me "you're so young" when i my toxic high school relationship ended, people brush off young relationships but those relationships can be so damaging for the rest of someone's life, proud of u gf

[@natty.777]

I was thinking about this the other day. Young relationships don’t get treated as equally bc it seems fleeting, but they’re still people

[@tammyclairs166]

FRR! Bc you’re so young and still growing and learning it makes it easier for u to stay in these situations and not recognize it’s even an issue. And 100% if you do get thru it, it may still affect u in ur future

[@nadiapoulou5858]

I feel u

[@Eden_Not_Onion]

When I left my ex, he convinced everyone that I was a 'psychobitch.' People who didn't even know me would talk behind my back about how sorry they were for my ex, and how glad they were that HE had escaped me.

[@alluripranitha]

I feeel sooooo sorrry for you

[@rxxrcousin]

That infuriates me. That's how my ex-boyfriend spun the story of his "crazy ex-girlfriend". Us women deserve better.

[@dulari3068]

same with me. it was my first longer relationship. it was terrible. i am sorry, you are not alone.

[@jc1864]

I hope you can find a way to make that word empowering for yourself. I'm sorry you went through that and hope that each day gets better

[@semoikhan7927]

this is infuriating, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I hope you got justice.

[@thatgamergirl6549]

I think a really important quote is “When you wear rose-tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags”. I wasn’t in an abusive relationship but there were definitely toxic aspects of it, and I didn’t notice them for a while because I was so blinded by love and was so scared to lose them. Took me a while to finally realize and accept I deserved better.

[@cierraslowsdown]

Ah a Bojack Horsemen watcher, I see. (And yes! Good point!)

[@mari-eo5tw]

It usually is easier to see red flags in an outsider POV than the person in the relationship

[@sophiesuncatcher]

exactly. it’s like that saying - when you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.

[@Thekawaiiasian101vid]

@@sophiesuncatcher bojack horseman? bc that’s where I got that from lol

[@TaraMooknee]

Honestly, I am in awe of you. I am blown away but your generosity in sharing this experience. You have no obligation to speak out about this whatsoever, but the fact you have WILL help people - and that is such a huge gift to anyone who watches this. In fact, you've just helped me right now. Thank you Nikki Nasty ❤️

[@Sofia-ssn]

i totally agree tara! i love u

[@lemurluver12]

cow queen we love you 🙏

[@Sofia-ssn]

@@elliotconnor9278 u shoulda let he have her privacy

[@estrellasjournal]

*i’ve never been in an abusive relationship but my household was abusive so thank you for sharing your experience. covert abuse and manipulation gets in our heads and becomes hard to identify.*

[@zukogf2337]

I hope you stay safe and leave that toxic house

[@ecueto395]

I finally cut ties with my narcissistic and abusive mother last year. Took me 25 years, but 26 has been great so far. It’s so amazing to be free and safe! I hope you are safe as well!🥰

[@orchidchild577]

@@ecueto395 thats so inspirational! im only 20 and still in college but im moving out and with my aunt. its very scary! this is reassuring

[@ecueto395]

@@orchidchild577 good luck hon! Just know that you are amazing and worth so much more! 🥰 Things will get better, but just know healing isn’t linear. Stay safe 🤗

[@carol-gz6nc]

@@zukogf2337 same❤️

[@natty.777]

Did anyone else in an on/off relationship realize they put more effort into getting you back and the first week or so, and then they stopped caring bc they got you back? Shit is crazy.

[@trendymadness5159]

Love bombing. It's a common tactic in abusive relationships

[@adlzmason8240]

he made me feel so beautiful and important. a week later he made me feel so ugly and alone. Every. Time.

[@melaniepal809]

*That fucking “I love you” was the most sincere thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life and the look of complete awe and adoration you have tells me just how absolutely happy you are and bitch that’s the best thing like NO. I love Y O U.*

[@ecueto395]

Freaking same!

[@emmalebrant6415]

I literally felt something in my heart, I just- I love her sm and I truly appreciate her

[@marie-alixdesmedt2520]

I’m already proud of you for opening up and I haven’t even watched the video yet

[@susanjoyce4244]

Ughh we need a discord or something stat

[@cassiethesimp5230]

@@susanjoyce4244 FOR SURE

[@anupreetiboro1352]

@@susanjoyce4244 yesssss

[@lyn2389]

i was also in an abusive relationship from 16-19, and i feel like ive lost that time. im 22 now hearing you talk makes me feel like im not the only one who experienced this at such a young age. thank you

[@raechel0823]

I was in mine at 15-16 and I completely feel this.

[@AliciaRose]

I was in mine from 15-18 officially but it was an entanglement until I was like 22. I’d try to be his friend and he’d try to push my boundaries to get what he wanted. I’m 25 now and I still feel that way, it’s also frustrating when it feels like a sense of innocence is stolen from you and it taints your view of every man after. I highly suggest therapy for coping and reshaping!

[@lyn2389]

@@AliciaRose yes!! love therapy

[@monasmith7859]

19-23

[@Cristina-vr5ws]

spent almost the first half of my twenties in one too❤️‍🩹 please be safe, and know that your heart do in fact heal, i promise

[@Augustowind809]

I think one thing about abuse people don't consider is abusive friendships. I had a very abusive friend who emotionally and verbally abused me, isolated me from my friends by lying to them about me, and always blamed me for their treating me horribly. Abusive friends are a thing and so hard to detect. Love to everyone reading this message, I hope the people in your life are nothing but loving and kind ❤

[@Skyblockenjoyerrrrrr]

I had a similar experience and a lot of my social anxiety actually stems from that friendship. Its awful, and whats worse is that abusive friendships are rarely acknowledged as abusive.

[@ash-vj5vn]

I wanna have a strong word with the teachers who didn’t support you and stopped talking to you like wtf

[@leahhudak8793]

No me too,, like its making me heated >:|

[@natty.777]

There’s no reason for them to be petty. None.

[@fergie1952]

Teacher need to be supportive, because sometimes they are someone’s only escape. People need to be clear on that one point. There and done.

[@pandalover1238]

it's crazy bc people who are so manipulative like him are so likable as well, so even tho it was absolutely shitty that the teachers immediately sided with him, it's difficult to manuever past those individuals and truly SEE THRU THE BULLSHIT

[@advi2471]

Yea like it's none of their business in the first place, and if they wanna act in any way, at least hear both sides like YIKES. Nicole really is truly strong.

[@lauradevereux9117]

am i in a relationship? no have i ever been in a relationship? no am i still really hyped to watch this video? heck yea fr this is a really important topic, thank you nicole for speaking out so bravely, it's gonna help a lot of people

[@mernaramadan9687]

Literally same

[@MelikeBalpnar]

Here we go

[@esra_187]

the fact that teachers would turn on you is absolutely ridiculous... why are they involved or impacted by the relationships of their students.. that’s so inappropriate and unprofessional on their end wtf

[@Amandalamaa]

My mom is in a verbally abusive and possibly a physical abusive relationship so I’m sending her this video hoping she can get out of her position. All I want is for my siblings and mom to get out of the situation and leave him.

[@LivFP]

Escaping my emotionally abusive, narcissistic mother was the hardest (still is the hardest) shit I've ever done but it's changing my life one day at a time. Sometimes you don't realize how fucked it is until it's over, I'm remembering things in therapy that I thought were normal/okay for my mom to do to me. That's why reflection and therapy is such an important part of the healing process; sometimes you need an outside perspective when the fog of war is upon you and it's hard to see clearly.

[@mariaasmrr]

i have the same issues but i can’t get myself away from her because i have 4 (another one on the way) siblings that i basically wanna help whilst they have to deal with her. i don’t want them to have no one like i did. although i did move out at 18 which is an immense help i just hate that i can’t fully shake her off because of the ties we have like my amazing younger siblings. it sucks but i’m so happy you escaped truly! 💖

[@LivFP]

@@mariaasmrr That's amazing that you want to support your family, your siblings are lucky to have you. Don't forget to take care of yourself too 💕

[@lalahana111]

I feel you. Unfortunately I’m still with my abusive mom. I was going to leave my country and marry my fiancé but because of the pandemic I couldn’t travel. 2020 was the hardest year for me emotionally. I don’t understand why there is mother like with this toxicity. Even tho ppl say it’s the way they show their love, hell no. It’s toxic and it’s worst for your mental health. She doesn’t let me go out from home and she observes everything I do. I literally will scape from my own country. (Don’t worry my fiancé and I love each other so much, he helped me a lot emotionally too, and he understands me very well, we are so lucky to have each other and it’s not fair we need to wait like this).

[@LivFP]

@@lalahana111 That's awful to hear, I'm so sorry that you're stuck in that situation. Quarantine has definitely backed a lot of people into corners who have to live with abusive people... My heart goes out to you and I hope that when quarantine lifts you can live the life you deserve with your fiancé!

[@ecueto395]

I finally left her last year, I was 25, she is a narcissist and she abused me verbally, emotionally, and physically since as far back as I can remember. It took me a while to realize that that wasn’t a normal mother/daughter relationship. Then by the time I did I had burned the bridge with my father and his new family and they didn’t want me back. Going no contact was something I struggled with for 10 years and I am so glad that I finally did it! I hope that you are doing well and I hope you are safe! 🥰

[@mariaasmrr]

you don’t realize the relationship is abusive until you leave. it’s bittersweet because you learned a lesson but you also had to endure all the awful things in order to do so. despite all odds though you come out stronger! thanks for sharing 💖

[@baileysadler5212]

I literally dropped out of school to be with a 19 year old alcoholic when I was 15, just please don’t date older men when you’re in high school! Focus on your school work. Thanks for making this video can help younger generation.

[@ghostyicecream6209]

I hope ur ok

[@bread2951]

Waiting for 'not all men' comments to attack you. Edit: dont worry sis. I got yout back here I hope you are doing good now. Take care.

[@mayabarkleyova8623]

I hope you're ok now. I have an experience with a guy who is eight years older and who was just using girls (at the same time) to feel better. It ended not so well and some of us have to take antidepressants. So yeah just focus on school and when someone much older shows up and wants you when you're like 15 y.o... it is strange. Do not date them

[@vic7690]

It’s so disheartening how many people have experienced relationships like this. If this is happening to you, remember that you’re not alone and there are people out there to support you and guide you. Don’t ever lose hope for a safer and happier future.

[@alexasunshine83]

So proud of you for literally becoming the person you’ve always wanted after going through something so traumatic 🥲💕 you are doing amazing and now doing amazing things with this video on helping others to do the same

[@mistyholley9324]

yeah because its easier to let the abuser win in you staying down and feeling sorry or yourself and afraid that something bad will happen to you if you surpass others negative intentions for you.

[@grapenuts111]

ALEXA???

[@rochelleann1142]

in my very first relationship i was the toxic one, and it’s been over a year from then and i still feel guilty about it. i’ve apologized to my ex, and watching videos like these makes me realize some of my toxic behaviors. in my last relationship i tried my hardest to correct and realize these behaviors of mine, and we ended mutually when we realized we were becoming too dependent on eachother and were arguing a lot. i’d often pull the “you’re the reason i’m acting this way” and “don’t leave me like everyone else” and “love-bombing” cards in my first relationship, and i wish i could take back how much i hurt the person i was with. i’m extremely sorry to anyone who’s been in a toxic relationship, and i wish you the best through the healing process. you are loved

[@helenavasic9989]

I’m glad you have the strength to admit that and have accountability for your actions and ending the cycle! Wish you the best in your future relationships (I don’t mean just dating but in general :)

[@josiejackson8959]

This is comforting to know that people can change when they realise their toxic behaviours

[@averyn.v.432]

People don't normally hear this side of things and I'm glad you have the self awareness and humility to realize your mistakes. thanks for sharing this side, even if it was something that was hard for you to come to terms with

[@proveit2203]

I can't imagine how horrible this is, you're so strong and brave for sharing. Thank you!

[@hannahfrazier5332]

You go girl, tell your truth

[@nuggets0717]

I’m 28 years old and was in a relationship like this in high school, but it was also physically and sexually violent. Leaving was the worst part. Now I’m married and separating from my emotionally abusive husband. I am terrified. Your story is bringing me a shared familiarity and giving me the courage to go through with this, even though it’s so, so scary. Thank you.

[@HerbOlTea]

Woah I didn't even know that the 'everyone always leaves my life' thing was a red flag of an abusive relationship but damn.

[@J.ess.]

@M e The people who left my life either died, realized I'm"a debby downer", or was a bully and I couldnt handle it. But I still blame myself because it's my fault. I'm at fault for everyone leaving.

[@J.ess.]

@M e Thank you so much. It's hard to not blame yourself when people leave, but I understand what you're talking about. I see the difference now. Thank you.

[@jmalinger266]

It could be. It also very well may not at all be. A lot of the things explained in this video are kinda vague and to paint everyone with ANY of these traits or habits as abusers is lacking understanding of nuance. Someone who says "everyone leaves me" could just have very low self esteem issues and worth, could have suffered a bad string of events ect...or Yes could be a tactic of abuse. You cannot blanket all the things she mentioned as abusive by nature. As she mentioned getting angry, "love bombing" ect.. None of these things are clear cut abusive actions. They could be. They can also be just unhealthy world, relationship, and self views. People get angry. And then there are angry abusers. They are not the same. Also the "love bombing"...sometimes it's a tactic used by abusers or narcissist sometimes its young or immature love, some times the one person just has stronger feelings than the other. None of these things explained in this video should be viewed as black and white spectrums of abuse / non abuse. Keep in mind that just because a behavior isn't the healthiest or most rational, it does not always equal abuse. My first high school boyfriend was very "love bombing", and he was also the least abusive human I've ever known. He was just love sick teenager who wore his heart on his sleeve. It didn't make me feel abused in the slightest and he didn't harm me in any way. Just keep in mind, it's great to hear other stories, but don't take every word as absolute. No two situations are the same and it's important to understand intention and the complexities of human relations. Abusers are real! But don't throw that label around without weight and value to what the word means.

[@悟り-d6h]

i'm in an abusive LDR and he called me and said he would kill himself while on call and after that he said i will leave him like his ex and that he don't want to live anymore and he started sending pictures of our good moments and said we can have that and he blamed me and he made me beg for us to be together again and i humiliated myself to be back because i didn't know it was abusive. and now we got back together and we took 7 days space but i don't know what to do now that i realized it wont work. help.

[@heavenbethea9982]

I was in an on/off abusive relationship for 4+ years before I was even 18 and I just wanna say thank you sm. It's great seeing things like this talked about :,)

[@user-wp2iu5ef3o]

YOU ARE SO STRONG. i wish you so much happiness and healing dude. so much love your way

[@heavenbethea9982]

@@user-wp2iu5ef3o thank you

[@duckyowo]

Moral of the story: We all stan Adam.

[@bethnancy4834]

hearing you talk about this is making me realize more and more how emotionally abusive my dad is towards my mom

[@hehewowfunnyjoke1572]

❤️

[@teabagsandredheads3861]

You should probably talk to her about it...

[@averyn.v.432]

I wish you strength and all the best in this situation ❤❤ You got this

[@KATESflowerdHEART]

Sending you so much love!

[@gk_kleinmeyer]

oh my gosh me too, but the mom is me..

[@madisonray1621]

im not even 5 minutes in but i just want to say im so proud of you for being willing enough to share your truth. i love you so much and im sending you so much positivity and light always!! you are helping so many and thats so so so special

[@clover524]

I sped over here audibly repeating “NICOLE, NICOLE, NICOLE” like a worried mother

[@cassiethesimp5230]

as you should

[@WhatTheFodangle]

I’m sorry but I don’t think it’s appropriate to be advertising your page on this kind of video

[@clover524]

Deleted it, sorry about that

[@evieee816]

i’m legit loving these comments everyone is so supportive 🥰 i feel like your subscribers are all one massive friend group

[@Braedon1441]

You’re incredibly strong for sharing this with us, I hope this helps other people in need

[@laurenelizabeth7467]

I'm going to break it off tommorow... It's been four years... Wish me luck... Thank you for your help and story Nicole.

[@soybean3106]

you clarifying that even though he never hit you directly while dating it was still abusive is really validating, thank you

[@AthenaIsabella]

started crying a bit at the end when you said its not your fault. I recently opened up to my mom about how she treated me and she blamed me for it all. I'm starting therapy next week and am ready to start healing. This was so comforting. Thank you.

[@meganmuscat]

I feel like there's a Nicole frantically checking comments on the other side of the screen ; we love you, you're so strong for going through this , thank you for sharing it's gonna do more good than you know ❣️

[@cottoncandydreams3425]

P

[@ItsLouski]

One of my boyfriends kept saying that "I was his reason for breathing, he couldn't live without me, I'm all he's got" and it made leaving so hard because I felt like I'd.. Kill him in a way, if I did? But, I just wasn't feeling comfortable in that relationship at all.

[@lizac9707]

When I was 16 I tried leaving my toxic relationship and I did the same thing of breaking up through text out of fear he might hurt me. He proceeded to call me for hours and leaving voicemails sobbing and saying how he hoped I regretted the decision once he killed himself. Long story short I'm beyond happy I left that relationship and learned so much about myself and my limits

[@vagabondstars]

the way that you posted this the day after i finally got out of an abusive friendship... really needed to hear this today to remind myself that i'm not crazy and it's never anyone's obligation to "just deal with" someone who is nasty to them. thank you, this can really help so many people out there

[@esmyortiz6091]

I’m so happy for you!

[@jennabeanz]

i hope youre alright 🤍 ur very brave! happy for you!!

[@_Jawa]

It literally felt like living in hell and when it ended I felt like I was reborn. I didn’t even know that I was in this kind of relationship till after I got out of it so this is so helpful for anyone. Thank you Nicole ❤️

[@margaridasantos453]

just want to tell my family story hoping this give someone hope and strenght to leave an abusive relationship _ My mom was in an extremely abusive relationship for 21 years. I was 13 when we manage to finally have peace (for context, i have more 4 siblings, 2 of them older than me). So, through my life I've saw my mom being beaten almost till death multiple times (there were times she needed medical assistance), being raped everynight, working 12 hours a day + taking care of us, while my father spend all the money in wine (we was unemployed BY CHOICE for most of their marriage). He also was abusive to us (not as much as he was with my mother, but that's almost impossible for just one person), always gaslight us, using our inocence against our mother, playing the "good" parent, etc. Since he would spend all of my mom's money on shit, I lived a lot of months (for intermittent periods of time) without running water or electricity, i'd never wash myself, i never visited a doctor till i was 16, i never visited a dentist till a was 19. We had cockroaches and rats in our house. my mom was depressed and miserable. she attempt to run with her 5 children a lor of times, but he would threatening her with death, chasing her car, going to her work to make a fuss and threaten her, waiting for us outside the school to find out where we lived, etc. After multiple attempts to leaving, we finally did it (also because we were old enough to help). It took him 3/4 years to finally leave us alone, but it was worth it!!!!!!!. It was hard, i don't wish my worst enemies the life we had. Now my mom is happy, has her own house, i'm almost 20yo now and i'm in college. We are free. we are still traumatized, I think this will last forever, but at least we have room to heal the wounds and try to be happy. The point of the story is that my mom was miserable, hopeless, living like a slave, but i guess she never lost hope and that was what gave her the strenght to live. The situation can seem bad, but there's always a bright future awaiting. The hounds will heal, the trauma will be dealt with, and you are going to find happiness and be your best self, without a burden to carry. ❤

[@averyn.v.432]

you are so strong, thank you so much for sharing. And thanks for spreading empathy. Much love to you, your mom, and your siblings ❤

[@anaghasastry5183]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, my mother too had a similar experience and I know how traumatic it can be, sending prayers and healing your way!!!

[@margaridasantos453]

@@averyn.v.432 thank you 💞

[@veronicarodriguez461]

I'm 21and just got out of an abusive relationship. For the last 2 and a half years I srtuggled with this manipulative and abusive shit and from the moment I decided that it was over I felt so rellieved. Thank you so mucho for doing this video. I love you and I think you're so trong, thank you for the hope and saying that everyithing will get better. xo!

[@moo5e471]

I was in an emotional abusive relationship and I'm finally starting to heal from it and loved this video thank you and your eyebrows look great.

[@havenprizmich9217]

I swear we dated the same person because absolutely everything you described, I went through. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that bastard, I know the feeling of not being able to escape and feeling suffocated. I researched how to fake my death lmao. But we made it to the other side and, dare I say, we are thriving now and stronger because of it

[@stevobobeebo]

Watching this video really opened my eyes to how toxic and how manipulative my ex-best friend was. Obviously I knew because I got myself out of it but this opened my eyes to even more red flags that she showed often. Thank you for making this

[@kalyn.b8598]

Same.

[@ar_weenie3607]

Hi uh, I haven’t talked about this online yet simply out of fear, but I was in a toxic relationship for about 3 years and only got out back in October. He seemed really sweet at first because at the time I didn’t have many friends considering I was only a freshman and just transferred into the district. My first red flag should have been when he started threatening to slit people’s throats who would talk about me and him in a romantic way. When certain people continued (specifically a couple girls) he grabbed them and choked them. However, I continued.. thinking it was normal. He always had a violent nature to him. Thankfully I was never hit, but was sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused. He would talk to me about other girls he thought were attractive in really graphic and disturbing ways. I was not allowed to have any friends really, whether they were guys or girls, because he would convince me that THEY were toxic and not good for me. So unfortunately I didn’t have many friends throughout high school. I was not allowed to wear anything even slightly revealing. For example I did sports and on a hot day, I took my sweatshirt off and was just wearing a sports bra. Revealing nothing at all especially since my shorts were high waisted. He later cussed me out for it. Similar thing happened when we got a new shipment of uniforms in and the shorts ended up being shorter than expected. I got called a disgusting slut that day by the person I thought loved me and cared for me. I tried to break up with him many times when this would happen, but didn’t ever go through with it because he threatened suicide. On days he would get angry with me over whatever, he would go home, grab his knives, swords, and guns and “attack” things in his backyard. It’s a miracle I was able to get out before any of that stuff happened to me. He once described what he wished to do to me and pretended to be shameful about it. What this wish was was to lock me up in a house and isolate me from the world, and use me as a sex doll whenever he wanted to... and yet somehow, he convinced me it was romantic and that it was him being protective. There’s so much more I can talk about but I think that’s enough. I actually wasn’t allowed to date and my parents thought he was just my best friend. But one day my mom decided to check my phone. She saw that we were more than friends and initially I was in major trouble until I explained what had been going on for 3 years and my parents immediately seeked help for me. They broke me and his communication permanently and it was the best thing to ever happen to me. At first it seemed like a bad thing because I was truly convinced he was my best friend and I thought I lost someone dear to me. But if only I could see how happy I am in this current day. Things get better. I’m 17, graduating in a few months and finally won’t have to see his nasty name or hear his nasty voice in zoom calls. Please, if you are in a situation like this, please PLEASE try your best to get out. Again, things will get better

[@micahigot5385]

Nicole, you’re literally such an inspiration. your story really hits home even though i’ve never had an abusive partner, i grew up in an abusive home, and a lot of the signs are the same, and seeing you so content genuinely gives me so much hope that i’ll be okay. thank you so much :)

[@ashleysandoval2360]

i’m 16 and this is EXACTLY what i’m going through, ive never felt so understood, thank you so much, i’m building up the courage 🤍

[@emilyrose9742]

I was expecting a few similarities to my ex, but I wasn't expecting our situations to have been nearly identical. This is the validation I needed.

[@iuliamariapaval]

i ended my relationship in november and it was the best decision. I still miss him Nicole, even tho I know he probably doesn’t misses me. I just want to be over him Nicole, i love you! Please help ❤️ Also, thank you for talking about topics like this, we really much appreciate it !!!!

[@mifp2498]

I went through the same but I broke up with him in August and I can promise you it’ll get so much better 👁✨

[@iuliamariapaval]

@@mifp2498 thank you for this. The thing that makes me most angry is that he is such a nice human being and I just cannot understand why he couldn’t be honest with me and tell me that he doesn’t have strong feelings anymore. I had to figure it out all by myself. And I feel so hurt. I loved him. I told him that and his reaction was very weird. There I go, I’m crying again. And yea I know, I deserve someone better. It’s just I wanted it to be him So Bad.

[@tammyclairs166]

You gotta focus on yourself now and feel enough for yourself. Undo that lonely feeling, you need to feel content by yourself. A partner should only be a “bonus” in your life, they shouldn’t be the reason you are or your life is complete! You have to feel complete and fulfilled with yourself before thinking about going into a relationship

[@iuliamariapaval]

@@tammyclairs166 i am fine by myself. That’s not the problem tbh

[@caitlinx4962]

oh my god i’m so sorry for anyone who’s had to go through something like this.

[@ems5693]

I was in a sexually abusive relationship a little over a year ago and honestly it helps knowing that other people have also gone through something similar. I’m still working through it, but this does help some. Everyone who has gone through an abusive relationship is so incredibly strong, and I’m in awe that they are able to recover and continue on.

[@raechel0823]

I was in one about 4 years ago now. It still affects me, but it gets easier and easier every day. You are strong. You can do this. I know it’s hard and some days it will feel like it’ll never get better but I’m leaving this here for you and everyone else out there who might read this. It will. Stay strong. I love you.

[@ems5693]

@@raechel0823 thank you so much!!

[@lizbethgarcia7141]

I had a very similar situation. I was always crying and people eventually saw and call me dramatic. An hearing your story makes me feel like I'm not alone about this.

[@ecueto395]

You aren’t alone, I’m so sorry sweetie! I hope you are safe and healing. 🥰

[@wheresbusybee]

coming to this video after hearing you talk about it in a recent podcast. i’m two weeks out of an abusive relationship, reeling with court stuff and trying to figure out how i want to share the story in the victim impact statement. i’ve been so shocked at how many women who i’ve known for quite a time have told me “you’re doing a lot better than i did.” hearing that there are women i’ve already looked up to, who have dealt with this too, is such an insane freeing empowering feeling. i really appreciate you nicole and for saying all the things i haven’t been able to say but have known in my heart was true

[@ririOliv]

Been there too.. that is when I found out that people with narcissistic personality disorder exist .. It's been a year and a couple months now since we broke up and still.. I blanc when I want to tell exactly what happened.. takes me a while to make my brain go there. trust me, I have been wanting to put the truth out since forever, like you did, I hope one day I can. Thank you for doing this!

[@gabymuri]

I was in a emotional abusive relationship for a whole year, Always put yourself first. I know this video will help others so thank you for sharing 💕

[@em095]

This entire video felt like I was having a sit down conversation with an older sister. I just got out of an abusive situation about a month ago, and a video like this is so helpful, even being out of that situations. Thank you Nicole

[@alexhirst8889]

I know how it feels to be made a villain of in your community because everyone thinks that the manipulator is the victim. I also struggled with the worry of who would be next in their firing line, but self preservation is not a crime or a sin and I'm still learning that. Anyway fantastic video, I felt so empowered and comforted watching this :')

[@jillianbuckley5570]

Nicole, this made me cry- the fact that you had to go through any kind of abuse at all is heartbreaking enough, but having your friends and your TEACHERS turn against you must have been so isolating and frightening. Thank you for speaking up on this topic, even though it must not have been easy to talk about. We love you, and you deserve the absolute world ❤️

[@AnnaHeey]

Another red flag: he makes you believe your relationship is so much better than others' relationship, which in turn makes you ignore the red flags because 'we are different and have reasoning'

[@louim6997]

As soon as I saw your post on your IG story I was like :0 "they're listening to me." I've spent the past 3 hours writing down everything that happened in my abusive relationship so I can talk about it in therapy

[@alwayskim4901]

tw// sexual assault i only realized that what happened was not right 4 months after our break up. and to this day, i refuse to call it sexual assault bc i consented to him. except, he convinced me into consenting to him. even when i said "stop", he continued, as if saying that i couldn't, shouldn't, say no to him. im still struggling. i still repress the memories bc i am not ready. i sometimes shake when my guy friends come in close contact with me. i still think i would not be able to heal. i don't think its possible and i am scared of being scared my whole life. this video made me feel less alone. i hope to get back on this video (comment) and realize how much i've grown and healed from what happened. edit: im healing yall. i still have panic attacks about it. and sometimes im scared of leaving my town bc there's a high chance i will see him. but im finally healing.

[@haybalesxx]

omg so glad to see you mention Lindsey Hughes!!! She was the one who empowered me to leave my toxic relationship, along with her sister Meghan. The people that help us without even knowing will always have a special place in our hearts, and I'm sure you will be that for somebody.

[@mcrbecca]

I learned that even having no fights is even a red flag. We had 0 communication whatsoever on things that we disagreed with, I avoid confrontation. That in mind I just let him do whatever he wanted to avoid confrontation

[@fergie1952]

A parent of mine is emotionally abusive. You put this video on the internet, unsure of the reaction you’d get, and you don’t realise how much you’ve helped me. I want to thank you so much. I can’t tell you how much lighter I felt reading the title of this video, knowing I wasn’t the only one who has gone through/ is still going through this, (at least I am). Just Thankyou. That’s all I have to say.

[@DaphneGsell]

I was in a 3 1/2 year relationship throughout high school. Abusive physically and mentally. He was/ is a narcissist and I am an empath. So toxic that I’m going to therapy still to recover. It’s such a crazy story, he is now running for state rep. & I just want to share my story, like you did.

[@Nyanya07]

I am so sorry you had to go through that, and I am very proud of you for speaking up about this

[@DaphneGsell]

@@Nyanya07 thank you so much, your words are so kind ❤️

[@briannalugo2643]

I'm in a relationship with someone CONTROLLING and it sucks :(

[@rochelleann1142]

i wish you strength for your situation

[@illchangemyusernamewhenith9130]

Drop them sis no joke

[@carolinewallace658]

Praying you know how to get out of you need to.

[@zoevermilyea3315]

please get out of this relationship. PLEASE.

[@zukogf2337]

LEAVE pls!!!

[@mianeilson4937]

*tw physical abuse* the part where you were talking about your peers/teachers turning on you really hit home for me. it didn't really occur that much for me personally because he only went to my high school for a year (we were also 16 at the time) but i vividly remember this one time him and i had skipped class because we were arguing and he wouldn't let me go to class. it got to the point where i had said something that set him off and he started choking me. a male teacher turned around a corner and saw him doing that to me, i made direct eye contact with him looking for help, and the teacher just turned back around and walked away from us while my ex was STILL hurting me. i was shocked and it made me feel really trapped and like nobody had my back in that relationship (there were other minor things from my peers at school that made me feel that way) but it was awful. I'm glad that both of us are in a better spot in our lives now

[@cecibillsby1855]

I’m so proud of you for being able to talk about this because I could never. I love you so much and wish you the best.

[@Justagirlwhoadoresjesus]

i NEEDED this. ive been feeling so trapped in my relationship and God showed up and sent me this video. you are a blessing

[@rowan-priince1860]

I'm like a magnet for toxic people because I'm such an emotional enabler. I let everything slide if I care about the person to the point where I feel like I make people worse for having been close to me, friendships and relationships. I'm not sure if that's an effect of trauma or not, but it probably is. The 'friendship' I had with the person who emotionally abused me haunts me pretty much every day with guilt and fear, and I worry a lot about my future and current relationships. I'm in therapy trying to learn to have healthier boundaries, but god its hard. I'm so glad you're out of your abusive relationship, no one deserves to be abused, and you're strong as hell for getting out.

[@sherylabishek6570]

You're so fucking strong man. Like going through such a scary thing and then being blamed for something you didn't even do. I would be so scared. Thanks for making this video.

[@figgy1093]

As someone who escaped a very similar relationship, the was so good to hear. Everything you said was absolutely true, thank you so much for making this video!

[@ecueto395]

Baby, how did you get so damn wise?! It took me 25 years to get out of the main abusive relationship of my life. Last year I finally went no contact with my narcissistic and abusive mother. I finally chose to protect myself and left! I am so proud of you and I am so sorry that you had to go through that! Much love 🥰❤️

[@braids4836]

I was in a toxic "relationship". I put air quotes because it was one sided. I was the only one interested and we remained friends for 2 years. We were both equally toxic to each other, but I feel like I worse than he was. I'm not saying that this is how it works for every situation, but us breaking ties made me do some serious self re-evauation and its been almost two years since then and now I'm getting married in June to a man who loves me and I love him and it's not toxic. So it does get better!

[@rueclouds1156]

i just ended a really toxic friendship/relationship (bit of crossover) and have been struggling with guilt and discovering things theyve been saying to our mutual friends to isolate me, so this really helps. in about 5 months i wont need to see them regularly again so im looking forward to that freedom

[@benwrex6280]

I know you must have a lot of very young viewers, and for them I am so grateful you made this video. Thanks for speaking your truth.

[@ivy5503]

i have yet to watch the video through but i cant even believe the timing of this and how thankful i am to hear someone else talk about this. i just got out of an emotionally neglectful relationship like... this month. and it is so hard. thank you for speaking up. you are so strong.

[@ivy5503]

fyi: ive been watching you for a very long time and i find you incredibly inspiring. ive never seen someone around my age, with some conditions i have, with similar life experiences, do so well for themselves and im so glad to be watching you. thanks for putting out content.

[@ivy5503]

i literally cant thank you enough. ik ur only maybe a year or two older than me, but i truly admire ur resilience.

[@faithconroy3818]

I’m so proud of you, this is refreshing to see someone who seems normal talking about real life topics that aren’t nice to speak about but are relatable to too many people, thank you x

[@tahlidawson7445]

the thing that got me is how she said that she thought she was in an abusive relationship but couldn't be sure. I, unfortunately, have been in a very very similar situation when I was 15-17, and the whole time I was with him I knew that it was wrong and I deserved someone who didn't make me scared to exist, but I just couldn't admit it to myself. I let it go way too far, and to this day I'm still reminding myself that what happened wasn't my fault. So to anyone who thinks they are in an abusive relationship let me just say- if you think your relationship is toxic then it most likely is. I know it's hard but please try and talk to someone before it all becomes too much for you. God bless you, Nicole, I know you have helped so many people through this video. And if by chance you read this, I'm sending you all my love.

[@claragarcia3700]

proud of you nicole for saying your story with such vulnerability and openness

[@user-wp2iu5ef3o]

Ur such a sweet person. ur such a wise and fucking blunt person i just adore you genuinely. I’m so thankful you actually get the power you have, that yoy wanted to use it for good since the beginning. You deserve it all, rooting for you, and so happy you’re healing so much to rant about it on the internet. Such a cool dude. Thanks man

[@katiehartel830]

this inspired me to block him after 2 years of letting him still be in contact. thank you nicole.

[@alwayskim4901]

this unpacked the traumas i buried. im not even halfway through yet. edit: ok, i finished it. and goddamn, didnt know i would be crying while eating breakfast on my birthday bc of my trauma. thank you for this, nicole. it made me feel seen, validated. there's only one thing im grateful for out of everything he did to me, and that is ending the relationship. if he hadn't, i don't know how long i would stay in that relationship.

[@alwayskim4901]

@M e if only it was accessible, i would've gone already hahaha.

[@eboniebarruga4270]

A message to ADAM : thank u for taking care and genuinely loving nicole.... Love u nicole😘

[@JMSayler]

Being young was so so difficult for exactly reasons like this. Theres SO much you have to learn and for most of us we have to experience it to accept it as a lesson and a truth. My heart hurts for young you. For young people in general. Theres just no good way to know what's normal and what should and shouldn't be acceptable, especially in your relationships with others

[@brindleygable9780]

omg i wish i had this video a couple months back when i finally got out of a bad relationship!! you are literally the best for making this, i feel like people just say “you should get out of it” and don’t go into the details of how to do that love ya nicole

[@francesl444]

i know I'm late to this video, but when it was first uploaded, i was still in a relationship. I have since ended the relationship because I had a bad feeling about it. I always felt scared to tell him "no", and I now realize he expressed some of the red flags you discussed. I greatly appreciate you uploading this video because it helped me realize in hindsight that I left someone who wasn't good for me. Thank you for sharing your experience and I admire your courage.

[@evieee816]

you’re so strong. thanks for this.

[@lifeisabeautifulrisk]

I went through the exact same thing. Except half of my relationship he would gaslight me the entire time, and then when I realized that it was abusive he snapped for the rest of it. You are so loved, Nicole! Thank you for not only doing this to release your truth, but for others to realize that they are not alone

[@illchangemyusernamewhenith9130]

Are men even capable of having a meaningful relationship in high school? I genuinely wonder if they even have the capacity at that point.

[@averyn.v.432]

!! THIS. honestly and sadly, I think its the RAREST few that do have the capacity at that age, and even more unfortunately, its very hard to recognize and determine at a young age (for both parties)

[@natty.777]

Yeah idk what it is about hs guys that they seem incapable of being good to their significant others????

[@tempjones3155]

Scientifically and biologically speaking, guys develop and mature at a slower rate than girls do, and for both sexes your prefrontal cortex isn't done developing until you're around 25. So like, no lmao they're all still kids and literally cannot control their impulses or have the life experience and capability to understand stability in a relationship. Obviously not all guys are like that bc there's plenty of couples that are high school sweethearts or have long term relationships in high school, but generally speaking it's not as common.

[@natty.777]

@@tempjones3155 they’re very very capable. They just don’t care. They don’t have to. There’s really no excuse. Being a dick is not an impulse. Abuse, manipulation, etc are not due to that stuff. Your moral compass is something you begin to develop around 6 or 7. Guys mature slower but not at a severe rate. They get every excuse in the book. And that’s why so many girls and women here are in so much pain. If guys stopped having excuses made for them, maybe this comment section would be a lot different. My bf was not “a kid” at 16, 17. He could drive, make decisions, hold a job, etc. He could have feelings, but also knew how to use them to his benefit. He was not a kid. They are not kids. You don’t need experience to be kind. I was being kinda sarcastic. I know exactly why they act like that. Bc of excuses. And that’s why they can leave their pregnant gfs, and be believed that they aren’t the bad guy, and always get the benefit of the doubt. There’s so much trauma here.

[@tempjones3155]

@@natty.777 yeah no I DEFINITELY agree with you, I think it's a combination of different things including culture and social expectations too. I think that even if despite the maturity / development thing, if boys had more social expectations and cultural expectations to be kind and caring across the board, things would be different. When I made my original comment, I wasn't trying to excuse abuse or manipulation, I apologise for not being clear. I was thinking of just immature boys who didn't know the meaning of relationships and stability - - not ones being intentionally malicious, abusive, etc.

[@venvsian]

you said you wanted to help at least one person and I’m here to tell you that you have. I’m not in that relationship anymore and I haven’t talked to that person in months but they always lingered in the back of my mind and I was going back and forth on the whole thing. I was torn, not being able to comprehend how someone that claimed to love me so much wanted to harm me the way they did. and even though I knew pretty quickly that it was toxic it took me a while to recognize it was abusive. I’ve been a victim of emotional abuse. this was the last straw to me finally understanding that that was what it was. thank you so much nicole this truly means the world to me

[@siyona4330]

you're incredibly strong nicole ❤❤❤ as someone in a toxic and abusive home right now just hearing you talk about it is helping ease some anxiety. i hope you know that you are helping people in my position or people who have previously been in something similar. im so so so so proud of you and so glad that you're okay

[@helenavasic9989]

I’m so sorry you don’t deserve to be in that situation at all I wish you the best at getting out as soon as you can and until then coping the best you can! 💗💗 I hope you aren’t blaming yourself because nothing you ever do will warrant being verbally or physically abusive to you.

[@siyona4330]

@@helenavasic9989 thank you

[@marysiamilach8460]

When I saw this video few days ago I wasn't able to watch it because of the pain I still feel. My relationship lasted for almost a year, yet it broke me in half and I have no idea if (or when) I will ever love again. Listening to you gave me hope that it will get better and someday I will find peace. I am still not healed completely, even though it's been more than three years. Take care, and for anyone reading this, please stay safe and check on your loved ones.

[@ar_weenie3607]

Just remember to take your time. You went through something traumatic so there is no rush to heal. It’s a process and you should never feel bad or guilty for not being healed yet❤️

[@emmyacox]

This video and the comments make me feel so validated because the whole process, the aftermath you explained is exactly how I felt and I always felt so alone and like no one understood what I was going through. The part where you talked about ever trying again in another relationship seeming impossible that was the hardest part for me and it really does feel like it's going to last forever and it doesn't. It's crazy how much growth and strength it brings in the long run. I appreciate this

[@MelanieJoPhoto]

I married my abuser. It was my first relationship and he was my best friend since middle school. We got together right after high school and married at 21. We fought every day we saw each other, he blamed me for how unhappy he was and he plotted me against my family. I always blamed myself for everything that went wrong and told myself I could fix myself to better fit what he wanted, so he wouldn't get mad, break stuff, or threaten to physically harm himself or me. The abuse got worse because he wanted me to break up with him. I didn't have the heart, I was scared my family would shun me because of a divorce. Eventually he left, no notice, no financial support. But it was the best thing he could have ever done for me. My family helped me out, they didnt care that I was divorcing him (but he would always make me think my family was awful!) Turns out he's gay now. :)

[@kellyktang]

extremely well said nicole! i went through the same thing- it's been a long time but im still dealing with ptsd, struggling with new relationships and while i'm glad i learned a lot from it, i'm still sad for all the friends i lost :( the healing process may be long and hard but it's well worth it and it does get better

[@rosaelvirarodriguez3002]

Super proud of you Nicole, I recently released a statement on an abusive relationship I was in as a young girl (16-18) and we honestly need more reflection on abuse during those ages because they inform us on how to navigate adult relationships.

[@UnfilteredMay]

i clicked this video with such speed yet i've never even been in a relationship. anyways. **SENDS HUGS**

[@kwenacierra4950]

I’ve been going through an extremely similar situation, for over 3 and a half years now. However I ended up having a child with this person, who’s going to be 2 next month. I feel so trapped and don’t know how I’m going to get out of this situation. Until someone goes through such emotional and mental control, manipulation, and abuse, they’ll never understand how hard it is to leave. I’m glad you made it out without being tied to them forever. I love my child more than anything on this planet, and I’d never ever go back and not have him. At the same time, I’ll now always be tied to this man. It would be so much easier to be able to block him and pretend he doesn’t exist, but I can’t now. It’s hard to heal enough to leave, when I can’t fully distance myself from him.